Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

White Men, Black Women, THIS is When You KNOW It's a Fetish.

Posted by Christelyn, 03 Feb

How many of you are absolutely fed up with how some people try to make non-black men (especially white men) feel guilty about having a preference for black women and label it a fetish. This notion has been used for decades to preclude black women/white men unions by “concerned” individuals who “worry” that black women are being taken advantage of. Onlookers, who can not fathom why a white man would want a black women over, well ANYONE including a blow up doll throw that f-word around because they’ve bought into the black-women-at-the-bottom propaganda.

Remember all the hand-wringing that occurred with Lupita Nyong’o was Hollywood’s darling “it” girl? There was an entire panel discussion on the now-defunct Huffington Post Live (in which I was a guest) where the host, Marc Lamont Hill seemed to be completely flummoxed that she was so adored and sent him in a panic of cognitive dissonance.

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Folks like to throw that word around without even knowing what it truly means. So I did what anyone good reporter does and actually Googled the definition. I came across this article on WebMD, reviewed by an actual M.D. Check out the definition of “fetish.”

"While you might like the sight of your partner in a pair of high heels during sex, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have a shoe fetish.

A fetish is sexual excitement in response to an object or body part that’s not typically sexual, such as shoes or feet. They’re more common in men.

Many people with fetishes must have the object of their attraction at hand or be fantasizing about it, alone or with a partner, in order to become sexually aroused, get an erection, and have an orgasm.

A person with a fetish might masturbate while they hold, smell, rub, or taste the object. Or they might ask their partner to wear it or use it during sex."

Hmmm….so…a fetish isn’t a whole person, but a body part that’s not typically sexual–like an eyeball or a knee. God be praised!! It’s perfectly NORMAL for heterosexual men to like big boobs, round asses, chocolate skin and full lips. Aren’t you soooo relieved?

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

9 responses to "White Men, Black Women, THIS is When You KNOW It's a Fetish."

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  1.   RMBE320 says:
    Posted: 29 Nov 18

    If we slow down, put society off to the side, place two people in a room alone away from the influences of others and give them time, given a bit of time we would see each of them see each other for who they are, not what they are labeled. From that point on, the beauty and flaws of the other person, not their body will emerge and be recognized by the other. Society has created this fog of wisdom that is considered 'the norm' and civil. Even to the point that being uncivil to our fellow man is considered proper. I have grown over the years to have this as a core function of my soul:I am no more attracted to, or not attracted to a woman skin color any more or less than I am her eye color, or her height. The things that attract me are not a fetish, but a physical attraction. I am attracted to a certain physical outline of a woman and her soul/personality rather than just one aspect of her body such as Melanin. Initially and obviously I notice her body since I don't have telephany or precognition of who she is. This is for me, fit and nicely kept. I personally am not attracted to women larger than me, or who appear out of shape. Is this racist? Don't be stupid, no. It is a physical attraction issue regardless of color. I am active, fit and my lifestyle is extremely athletic. I am just attracted to someone that would appear to be able to do these activities with me. Immediately after that attraction, and I mean immediately as in the only reason to approach her and initiate a conversation is to find out of she is a happy woman. Does she laugh and smile most of the time. What is her outlook on life? Is it pessimistic, neutral or optimistic? Does she like where she is own life? Is she a giver or a taker? What is her love language? Do we have things to talk about? No amount of physical beauty can overcome a boring spiritual and mental connection. There is no amount of physical attraction that could get me to be interested in a woman I could not talk to effortlessly with daily. To me there is no point. Beauty fades, but a happy soul will be a joy to be with until death. TL:TR A woman skin tone is no more or less important in attraction than eye color or height. Attraction, physical attraction is just that: I find you pretty as a package, now let's see if we have a soul connection. If not, Im not interested.

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  2.   sapstar says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 17

    I'm a recent convert to dating Black Women exclusively. I was married for 24 years, divorced and have been dating and I've discovered that Black women kiss better, are more passionate, and generally more fun in and out of bed. I won't bother to date white women anymore because there is this whole world of beautiful women that I never knew existed and I can't get enough. To me it's not a fetish, its a preference...just like some guys prefer blondes or redheads, I prefer beautiful black girls.

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    • MartiniSweet says:
      Posted: 20 Dec 17

      I’m recently divorced, I was married 16 years. This year I experienced my first swirl and it was a new level of excitement. I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I’m all for finding love and feeling love.

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  3.   spicyin says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 17

    White or black is just a common adjective nobody really black and no man really white . and no man have better than each other it depend on personality

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  4. Posted: 17 Mar 17

    Love this..you said this in the most profound way. I was thinking this but did not know how to relate it but your view is perfect..LOVE YOU!! Please do a seminar on this and other other topics you talk about...

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  5.   gaetano says:
    Posted: 08 Mar 17

    Wow! so glad to here the truth .I am a white Man and all my life since childhood, I have been attracted to Black Women,Thank you Thank you for breaking it down. Gaetano Spennato

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  6.   rensational says:
    Posted: 12 Feb 17

    Christelyn, I just think you and the particular target audience on this topic are on different pages. Personally, I do think skin color is a part of my body that is not normally sexualized, and it is weird to me not how a white man or Asian man can be attracted to a black woman but just some of the things they say or their focus on my skin color. I would like to be liked for me, not because I'm black and/or have light skin color/"white features," just as I hate being disliked for being black or being light-skinned with white features. Even when black men come up to me and say things I find weird about my coloring, or even when other women do it, it's very uncomfortable and irritating to me and it's sometimes offensive, depending on what's said--often offensive towards darker black women. I also have observed that a lot of white men who prefer black women seem to specifically like dark-skinned black women and it's as if lighter black women are not black enough for them--this is also weird to me, personally. To me, black is black, and a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman. Even if I have preferences, which I do, I still recognize this and am not color or shade-focused. This is just me, personally. I do think there's a difference between sexualizing or being overly focused on skin color, though, and just liking or preferring some coloring in a person. It's an individual thing, and you're fine to think what you do. But people who think the way I do are entitled to think that way, and if they're uncomfortable with how some men seem to be fixated on skin color or they don't want that type of experience while dating, whether "fetish" is the right term or not, that's their valid right. You don't have to make a video talking to them as if they're stupid and being dismissive. I didn't pay too much attention to the Lupita thing, but, although I'm sure some of it was racism, I do also know that Lupita is the type of woman that you either find stunning or you just do not find her type attractive. She's far from universally attractive, insomuch as that actually exists--but there are certain people most would rank similarly and other people who would get drastically different ratings from different people, and I think she's the latter type. Personally, I don't "get it" with her, either, but I've seen so many men and women who do think she looks amazing.

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  7.   Sakuramia says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 17

    Loved this video, had a few laugh out load moments. I'm so glad you addressed this. My sister is single, she get's a lot of attention from men, who are other than black, but she has never dated anyone outside her race. After showing her this video she admitted that this was one of the reason she was afraid to date men of other races.

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  8.   Forrealgirl says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 17

    I wouldn't know why white men's are finding black women's so attractive may be because of the beauty of sexy attraction of our skin color

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