Black women. Black men. Best frenemies.
I have to agree there is a large number of loving couples within the black community. That aside, we still have a crisis within black relationships. For eons on end, black women and black men have been at each others necks … still are. They experience this when trying to date, marry and even stay together and most of these attempts end in mutual misunderstandings and mutual blame.
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
In the book What's Love Got to Do with It?: Understanding and Healing the Rift Between Black Men and Women 77.1% of black mothers tell their daughters negative tales about black men. And those who don’t get the dirt from mommy have on going ‘reality shows’ - their parents’ relationships. And this could be where the urge to strangle or b**ch about every black man that walks by starts.
But what is more surprising is that people feel interracial dating within the black community is what is causing more of this frenemity. Check out what one blogger asked: “When did splintering off to date outside the race, looking for a successful partner anywhere but within black America, and promoting the myth that black men are "players" and black women are "emasculating" become the norm?”
Splintering off? Is that what people call it when one opts for interracial dating? Let’s not even look that far … I have seen the fires members on this blog ignite just because of black-white dating. Makes me wonder if other communities have this love-hate relationship of their sexes.
So when did this frenemity between black men and women actually begin? How are we to explain these heightened levels of tension and conflict between them? What could be the root cause of this turbulence? Is interracial dating (black-white dating in particular) the main cause? Really?
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279 responses to "Black women. Black men. Best frenemies."
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Islandsun84 says:Posted: 23 Jun 09Ichiod, I’m sorry you went through such harsh treatment as a child. Hopefully one day you will be able to let it go and keep moving just as I just did with your comment. I didn’t read though all of 178 posts, but I did come across many that stated this wasn’t an issue in their opinion, so your statement “This is a real issue, and everyone here recognizes that it does exists whether they are a part of the solution or the problem” is incorrect. As far as me spamming, I don’t let others determine what I have to say, hence the reason I have two posts.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 22 Jun 09
Islandsun84, I really hate to say this because it was always told to me growing up, but... YOU ARE NOT BLACK! You are retarded. "This article seriously needs to be revised and focus on the dating changing in society as a whole." Revised? This is a real issue, and everyone here recognizes that it does exists whether they are a part of the solution or the problem. "...as the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character”." Already been posted. "I’m actually shocked by some of the responses I’ve read ." Already been posted. " I have mostly Caucasian friends," Already been posted. STOP SPAMMING!
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Islandsun84 says:Posted: 22 Jun 09
Wow…I’m actually shocked by some of the responses I’ve read . This article obviously was written only to cause controversy and bring individuals together that have nothing in common and no interest in each other. Honestly, there are a good many of you that should be ashamed of the ignorance you let your fingers express. For those of you that “put down” black women and men, you should seriously look at yourselves, I’m sure you will see the REAL problem. My heart seriously goes out to those who are so negative and the few still living in past because its evident that you have been seriously sheltered. I advise those living in a box to get out and explore the world. If not the world, maybe just outside your time zone will do the trick. Going off what you see in your neighborhood, while you’re on vacation, or television isn’t enough to past that much judgment on a group of people. I think instead those that are using the “some”, “most”, and “many” need to bring it down to first person because its obvious that you’re going off your personal experiences. I find it amusing that an individual can use words that refer to a number of people, but yet have no credibility. Referring to spell checking profiles, black women dining out all the time, and drug use among black men and women…are you serious? How petty…. I believe these are avenues individuals are using to justify their selection of whomever it may be. Why must someone put down another to justify their actions, I have no idea. What someone does with their life is their business and justification is never needed. I believe that someone that can speak so badly about a group of individuals, even if you use the “some”, “most”, or “many” are seriously unhappy with themselves. If you were happy with yourself, you would focus on yourself and your personal experiences rather than referring to a group of people. Like I said in my other post, this article nor the book stated has any creditability. If you think about it, this website is an interracial dating site, so the individuals here are looking outside the box (although from my two days of experience, some are looking inside their race also) for different reasons(whether its personal preferences or past experiences), so why even get so heated about this subject?
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Islandsun84 says:Posted: 22 Jun 09
This post is seriously a joke. Where did this info in the book even come from? 77.1 of black mothers tell their daughters negative tales about black men…. Who and where are these 77.1% mothers because none of the numerous females among my family and friends remember disclosing any of this information. You really have to look at the credibility of some of the things you read. As far as what the ONE blogger stated in the article, that’s their own opinion and they do not represent the African American /Black community. In these days, people as a whole have many personal issues, education is not longer limited to certain races or the affluent, and as the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character”. With that said, I believe individuals are looking outside the box when it comes to finding the perfect mate. There are more opinions out there for individuals to prosper and better themselves. Unfortunately, some don’t take advantage of that, so what’s the problem with going outside box-whether that box be race, age, country, etc. I have mostly Caucasian friends, no reason, that just how it is, but when an issue arises in their relationship they do have negative things to say. What individual wouldn’t? Anger isn’t a race issue and I don’t believe there is more anger between black men and women than there are with any other race. What do we call individuals that ASSume…. As a African American/Black woman, I have no issues with black men (even though my mother was a single parent). I have dated outside my race, but it has nothing to do with race. I believe pure preference is the culprit of this alleged “Frenemity” and that’s how a relationship should me. You should be with someone that compliments YOU, respects YOU, and loves YOU and it should not be limited to society’s label’s of what a relationship should be and who it should be with. I’ve ran into numerous Caucasian men (outside the internet) that only date Black, Latin, or Asian women, is that considered a “frenemity” relationship among Caucasian men and women? What about Caucasian women who only date Latin or Black men? This article seriously needs to be revised and focus on the dating changing in society as a whole. Interracial dating is something that should be embraced, it shows that we are progressing as a nation.
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godiva61 says:Posted: 20 Jun 09Mr. Andrew Brown and to The_W, I'm proud to know you as well!! You both are fine examples of decent human beings.. Thank GOD! godiva61
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godiva61 says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
To: Mr. Ichibod, You got it going on!! One of the thing's I find so SEXY in a Man is his confidence and his strength to REGROUP from a somewhat negative situation in a positive manner. As my daddy used to say "that's what REAL MEN do"!!! Strength, wisdom, humility, and truth are the characteristic's of a Honorable Man... I'm proud to know you!!
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ddsharper says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
The Truth has hit the nail on the head!!!! Kudos.
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ddsharper says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
I think many in the black race are confused and the main source of the confusion is that we buy into the lies. People. Please listen to the video on his website by Janx called What Black Men Think and READ Tim Wise's articles. We generalize and treat one another with such little respect and that only happened after so-called integration, after the infiltration of the black race by whites. I am in the Pacific NW and ALL the brothers are with whites. Their weatlh will revert to whites, their souls will go unfed. We lost our language, customs, wealth when we left Africa and have been tossed and turned in the waves of racism and now we are losing our souls, spirits and minds to the lies. I think black men are the best on the planet, we must raise them to feel the same about themselves and to be loyal to the black woman. God apportioned a plan for our happiness and fulfillment but the white controlled hip hop industry has turned the young blacks into soft porn stars and we condone it. 100 hip hop pubs are owned by an all white firm, featured in the dreamweaver corporate example site, and that includes XXL, with a young white editor who manipulates blacks like a fish manipulates a dangling worm. Well, that's all I have to say. I am praying for Black America, which is becoming as decadent as white America; at least some.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
Nice post Fun_One Black men and black women, best "Frenemies". We are best friends because we appreciate each other's similarities and go through the many of same things at the same time. Same color, same culture, same history, same names, same medical conditions, same laws, same struggle, same insecurities as well as our need for one another according to our genders (that means most likely sexual partners). We are enemies because instead of working together, we project each other's insecurities and ultimately guilt on to one another. When a black man/women is up, the opposite black man/women is looking for a share or handout and attempt to sabotage or discredit their counterpart. When a black man/women is down, the opposite black man/woman may forget where he/she came from and leave their counterparts to their own devices. It's a glorious, yet vicious cycle all at the same time. To Aaziah, I was hoping that we could take this somewhere private so no additional souls could enter and help prolong this alleged conflict. But, whatever. I enjoyed reading post, nevertheless. You used your Blackberry in some of your posts? Cool! My bad. I like to text, too. I seldomly use shorthand myself, but understandable for those that do. I say 'lol' frequently. My apologies for that previous remark. "Neva, eva, cuz, ur, and nite are things teenagers and idiot rappers do." An insult that apparently backfired on me. ~Tisk, tisk~ When I mentioned you having a daughter and your profile saying 'single' and not 'divorced', I was refering to you, not your daughter. That was in retaliation for the comment about my mother. However, I don't know your situation, only that you said her father is in her life. That's very sad that your daughter's husband died. I don't joke about the widowed. I used to work in life insurance claims. The grief is horrible and I know one in particular that was actually liberated from an abusive marriage when her husband died. Blessing in diguise? "Truth of the matter is, some black men are just seeking for reasons as to why this so-called rift between black men and women should exist." More than some, Ms Aaziah. A LOT! And I am so ready to take them on. Problem is, I just don't see them posting on these blogs. I see more black women doing this on these blogs, therefore it starts to appear like I am always lashing out at black women, and that hurts. I love you, gals! I've seen your statements about how you love black men. I see how you're a black women, on an interracial dating site, and have a preferrence for black men. That's why I wanted this back and forth stuff between us to come to a halt. Something just didn't add up. There's qutie a bit about your last response here that I didn't understand. By reading your post from months ago, it seems like you meant to say some of the things to someone else rather than to me because I don't know where we may have discuss them. Hate-stareing my list, me challenging you with questionaire something or other, and not knowing anything about you. This is all foreign to me. This beef started with a poem and a lot of gay references. But no matter. Please let's just be over it now. You said something very powerful toward the end of this last post that I do however find to be so true it's insane. I won't go too far into it, but I will say that when I see a pic of a attractive black woman, I get excited. Then when I read the profile and scroll to the bottom (you know what I talking about), I freak. You say " For some, not all,"? From a man's point of view, you have no idea just how much. Misplaced anger? I wouldn't doubt it in the least. As a matter of fact, I guarantee it. Keep yourself looking good no matter what. That's all I have to say about that. I will leave this right here. Hope to see you around. I see you enjoy this blogging thing as much as I do so I'm sure I will. Later, Sis! I use 'cause more often, but the word "cuz" is okay! =)
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The_W says:Posted: 20 Jun 09If this blog is not a microcosm of the problems black men and women have with each other, I don’t know what is. It’s like we love to sharpen our criticism skills on one another and rip into the souls of our bretheren for nothing more than simple amusement. Are we “keepin’ it real” or really keeping the veil pulled over the true pain that lies beneath the surface? We were ni**ers, jigga boos, spooks, koons, hoes, and freaks, and now the internalization of all this hatred has poisoned our souls to the extent that we can’t stand the sight of our own kind. As a real estate agent, I understand the concept of selling yourself to the audience your trying to reach. The first step in the process is to know yourself and then believe in self. Love is Love, as Cappadonna once said. Anyone seeking to distract you from self love is hurt themselves. Don’t confuse another’s self hatred for anything associated you. That’s their problem. Being flexible and keeping options open is like diverifying your portfolio. Black culture is beautiful, and I’m willing to sell this culture to ANY compasionate woman willing to buy. Sistas, I AM your brotha, but don’t hate me because I love. Love the fact that I’m selling ‘us’ to us and to all ‘other’ women willing to buy. Racial harmony is a concept attainable, if we simply allow love to love. Be one nubians, and sell ‘us’ to the world. Peace. The_W
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The_W says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
If this blog is not a microcosm of the problems black men and women have with each other, I don't know what is. It's like we love to sharpen our criticism skills on one another and rip into the souls of our bretheren for nothing more than simple amusement. Are we "keepin' it real" or really keeping the veil pulled over the true pain that lies beneath the surface? We were ni**ers, jigga boos, spooks, koons, hoes, and freaks, and now the internalization of all this hatred has poisoned our souls to the extent that we can't stand the sight of our own kind. As a real estate agent, I understand the concept of selling yourself to the audience your trying to reach. The first step in the process is to know yourself and then believe in self. Love is Love, as Cappadonna once said. Anyone seeking to distract you from self love is hurt themselves. Don't confuse another's self hatred for anything associated you. That's their problem. Being flexible and keeping options open is like diverifying your portfolio. Black culture is beautiful, and I'm willing to sell this culture to ANY compasionate woman willing to buy. Sistas, I AM your brotha, but don't hate me because I love. Love the fact that I'm selling 'us' to us and to all 'other' women willing to buy. Racial harmony is a concept attainable, if we simple allow love to love. Be one nubians, and sell 'us' to world. Peace. The_W
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Aaziah says:Posted: 19 Jun 09
Thank You! Debate On Soul Bros and Sis's... Comment by Re: debate on soul bros and sisters on 19 June 2009: "About proof reading the profiles, we are not in an english grammar school or english college class. Look for whoever you are interested in if you click despite the typographical errors good luck but I can assure you it is true, black men have issues. until they have been burnt by the other races then they begin looking for black women." You've said allot with few words! (def one of my flaws, but only on THIS subject!) Aaziah :)
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Aaziah says:Posted: 19 Jun 09
Ichibod sweetie I re-read everything before I responded. What I did was, respond in kind. I dont care what your opinion is about people who use short hand in what is typed here! You dont know anything about me except what you read and from THAT is only your INTERPRETATION! Im sure anyone who reads what I wrote from day one and what you've been writing KNOWS who is trying to impress others and who is NOT! Be clear of something else. The word widow implies, to most, people that a marriage was involved. Maybe not to you, but that is also how I described the mother of my grandchildren. Again, you READ AND INTERPRET what you choose to already believe about us. About stereotypes. You called "urself" challenging me from the beginning with the last statement in ur questionnaire form! It didnt apply to me, so I left it like that. It was then suggested to you to go to the source. You fought, squirmed and felt slighted "cuz" I didnt answer every one of "ur" questions. Did you ask the black women who supposedly hate-stare "ur" list?! No. Thats too direct. You like it like this, its safer! Once you realize that one act doesn't mean one thing all of the time you would have "grown up"! For example: something as small as a person choosing to use abbreviations (like cuz!) does not mean only one thing (cant spell or uneducated) It's actually the opposite. It's is BECAUSE I know myself and MY WORTH, that I dont feel the need to impress you or anyone else. I am also comfortable with being "flawed" However, I will not moved towards improvement by the likes of you just as you. Why should I expose my tender side to you and others like you knowing how you feel about me? After reading YOUR adjectives and after thoughts. I have shared my own personal stories, including 2 poems. I have said more than once how much I love black men, but if you re-read some of what you and ur buddies wrote, you'd think I feel opposite. Truth of the matter is, some black men are just seeking for reasons as to why this so-called rift between black men and women should exist. So, what I wrote will be seen through that type of lens. And, that also goes for the black women who dont date black men. What ever the case, this thing has and it shall continue, inspite of my prior statements regarding my fondness for my brother. I even stated that I've "NEVA" dated outside of my race, but "ur" comments to me have also demonstrated confirmation to those women who do only date outside of their race! Just know this, I stopped reading your entire posts a long time ago. But, I will be the one who decides whether I respond to you in kind or not. NOT YOU! It will be my choice, only, with regard as to how to respond, without considering for a moment how YOU think I should respond, write or spell! Just as you do not consider my feelings when you spew your jargon. Like Mitchell said, whatever you want, become it! You want respect, respect yourself by making better choices on what name you want 2 use whden referring to me. Im not the kind of woman thats going to keep turning the other cheek. there are women like that and we need them, but we also need women like myself as well. I wanna be like MLK but sometimes people can bring out Malcom. We needed them both. Sometimes it is necassary to fight fire with fire, an eye for an eye too! Some people dont respond to kindness, and only respects you once they discover you'r not "gonna" put up with it. Do you think that only men are that way? No. We should respect everyone, whatever they're decision. But Im going to have an opinion and Im gonna type it it whatEVA form that my mood dictates. (I've responded using my blackberry several times, that will also determine my choice of flair!) Thats what this format is for. I am not here to critique writing in order to form judgement about a person's education, diction, typo's or text writing. I critique thought. Trying to understand and be understood. So, I spoke in your lanquage. Take your friends advice and just shoot ur load somewhere else. We can agree to disagree, no skin of my pretty "azz" I have bigger fish to fry! I have a life! I have a beautifil, a smart, talented and personable daughter who is, YES, widowed therefore single, raising my equally beautiful, spirited and conscience-minded grandchildren. Please!! I AM inspite of you.... I also know that for some, this is the only place one can be anybody. Im also aware of the pissed-off- tisity that arises in some men upon their first glimpse of me. For some, not all, I remind them of the women who always turned them down, IF he had the coursage to even step to her, in order to be turned down. If HE decides that I probably wont talk to him, or that Im probably got a man or Im stuck up- he gets upset with me. Some of THOSE men, after having been faced with not having the courage to step to me or others like me, get online and take it out in other forms. Talk about mis-placed anger,huh?! Some men will know exactly what I mean and some women will, as well. You see, beauty, brains AND personality is not always well received by many. It is NOT as "e-z" as one thinks it is for attractive people. Attitudes can sometimes errupt of something very small. Sometimes nothing-at-all! Like the word "cuz"
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Re:Opondo says:Posted: 19 Jun 09
Responding on TEWAY2 comments about the grammar in the profiles. You came to this site to look for women not their typographical errors. If you came to look at their grammar and spelling, you better get on college grammar internet dating class and express your perspecitve about everything.
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Member says:Posted: 19 Jun 09
About proof reading the profiles, we are not in an english grammar school or english college class. Look for whoever you are interested in if you click despite the typographical errors good luck but I can assure you it is true black men have issues until they have been burnt by the other races then they begin looking for black women.
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malarki5 says:Posted: 19 Jun 09
@ Ichibod bro. you know some Black women's attachement to Black men is almost entirely masochistic! They draw nothing but bad energy from us and then claim we are Kings of Africa! Then the wholesale accusations of murder, rape and general exploitation of Black women leak from their lips... They are so sapping of one's spirit that I'd go so far as to date out in order so as to avoid all contact with them! I can imagine being the poor son of these over-bearing matriarchs...just awful! Shoot ya load bro, and then let it go. It really isn't worth. Believe me, I know! Menelik Charles London England
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Fun_One says:Posted: 18 Jun 09We are all God's children, that have the "FREEDOM" to make our own choices in our lives. It's only an issue if we choose to make it one. There are good and bad traits in all of us, since no HUMAN is created perfect. Not everyone is going to like everyone.......that is life.The first time I heard a black woman I dated, put down all black men I was shocked and dissapointed in her thoughts. Quote: black men are not worthy, either they don't want work, and live off of what a woman brings home, or they make money, and spend it on other women and act snobish. In defense of black men, Sterio types are so unfair. I love black people,yellow,brown,red, and yes white people to make my list of love. We all deserve a fair chance right? Some say they don't judge, but lets get real we "ALL" do. Judging color is the last thing, any sain person should do in life. That goes along the same lines, as multi-racial dating period. People are judged by there clothes,type of car,the type of housing they have,how many kids, and the money they make do I need to go on, thinking not I made my point clear. Not to put a feather in my hat, but honestly it dont make a rats A** to me. As long as you are clean, sweet.honest,caring,sharing,loving,considerate,compassionate,understanding,loyal,and above all "HONEST" Now do any of these traits cost money, or need money to own? Are people so bored they just need something to get upset about these days? I feel the soapbox broke yrs. ago, from so many people standing on it at once. Want to live in a better world,then help create it. Live and let live in harmony. Many blessings to those who bless others. One of God's children, Marshall
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godiva61 says:Posted: 18 Jun 09
TO: Mr. Ichibod, I just want to reiterate that my comment is not to put you down or judge you for your friends. I think it's noble and admirable to be "loyal" to your friend's, another quality I admire in people. Since none of us are perfect, including our friend's sometimes we have to do what is uncomfortable for the sake of doing what is right and fair. What we don't say is as powerful as what we do say. Also just know if a woman was coming after you constantly with this type of behavior, I would denounce it and come to your defense. I believe in being fair and I despise HYPOCRISY!!! Like I said , I'm old school, which bring's me to one of my biggest PET PEEVES, which is women who are adamant about being in public, with inappropiate clothes on. The booty shorts, too much cleavage and so on and so on. I also despise those tacky video's, you know the ones. Everyone that know's me know that I feel this way, especially my family. Those video's get no play in my house, I will not support them!! So why did my neice try to get away with going to Macy's with me with those nasty short's on? Of course I pulled her up about it and she couldn't go, so now she's a little mad at me. I don't care!! She know's how I feel, it's not going to change and just because she is my neice that does not mean the rules are going to be bent for her. If I bent them for her it would be the same as saying I approve , which I don't!! My point, sometime's we have to call out bad behavior in people that we care most about. It doesn't have to be publicly or disrespectful. Character is best defined and refined when we face the adversity and controversy in our lives. I also believe that our present condition is not our conclusion.... godiva61
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Ichibod says:Posted: 18 Jun 09
This is so pathetic. The topic is about how we are 'Frenemies'. Friends and enemies at the same time. The posts in this blog all have to do with how we're enemies, but not how we are still friends... or supposed to be at least. AaZiah, " I’ve got material that you’ve given me but Imma chill.BUT- I’ll be here all week! LoL" I don't know what material you're refering to, but this preoccupation you have with my sexuality is very disgusting and unfounded. It has nothing to do with the topic of this blog other than how you have no intention of trying to help the situation. It would make a lot more sense to use the material that I, as well as others, have given regarding the misconceptions in the relationship between black men and black women. A typo is a typo. Neva, eva, cuz, ur, and nite are things teenagers and idiot rappers do. Keep pretending that 'drag' comment was for you and the reference to bowel movements had nothing to do with my opinion of your posts. You're just showing your lack of reading comprehension skills and why you can't see the big picture here. It's almost like you're purposely doing it. Again, GROW UP! I didn't post a bunch of insults from the jump. Even the posts where I admit that I immaturely slandered you, I offered reasoning. You ignored it. You remember the good ol' days when men hated on other men? I was always taught not to hate anyone, only sin. Quit living in the past. "Homie-lover-friends"? No, harlot. Just black men who truly understand the plight that black men and women have had to go through and are willing to say and do whatever it takes to end this bickering amongst us. Let's argue over what to have for dinner. Let's argue over what color to paint the walls in the family room. Let's not argue over who's more responsible for the other's shitty choices in life. In the end, it's the responsibility of the individual regardless of that person's race or gender. I can't say whether or not you grasp this concept, but it's what we've been attempting to discuss and your comments are only in regard to slamming me for having a different opinion than yours. I'm not miserable. However, your choice to celebrate two poems: one which claims that women only have one superficial flaw and the other which presents some imaginary, yet somehow articulate, knucklehead admitting to a slew of flaws that many black men don't have. You chose my statements to make puns, I chose your statements to make points. It's that simple. I told you that I realized I said your name and maybe shouldn't have. It was beside the point. And I'm glad Godiva61 actually did respond to me with such... I don't know how to describe it. I just love her to death now. Anyway, back to you. When you first began to post, I figured you were just another well wisher to everybody looking for love in whatever capacity they could find it on this site. However, I realize that all you have to post is other people's material and nothing of your own, except your insults which lack substance and border along the lines of... let's say... an 8-10 year old's mentally... in the mid 1980's. Initially, I didn't attack black women, I didn't attack you, nor did I attack your family. I attacked some piss-poor excuse for literature and you took it personal. And much like it tries to suggest, I won't hold myself or any other black man accountable for how you feel about that. Here's where it can and should end. I suggest you re-read these posts starting on Jun 13th. You can even include my post from April 12th where I first chimed in on the subject (I see you joined in just after that on the 28th). If you would like to send me a message, we could settle this outside of the blog... away from your 'big sister protector' and my supposed 'homie-lover-friends'. lol My offer for us to start acting like adults is now open.
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 Jun 09
Ichibod Your writing only proves how miserable you are with yourself. You just want some company. thats all. I understand. You were so pleased that I responded. Spell? Ever heard of a "typo"? Im not hear to impress anyone, especially you. Why would I need to do that?! I dont have the same need as you to impress other with my education or typing/spelling skills. My goal isnt to be perfect, especially to impress the likes of you. Your not perfect either, re-read your typo's! Im ok with what you need to believe about me or who you think I am. It doesnt change anything! You can keep this up because the size of what you'd like to have more of is attached to it. So, you keep this going on with your virtual buddies and your "virtual self-confidence." Whateva keeps you hard, baby. Maybe you've learned to go to the source, thru all of this. I gave you his email, what? You'd rather do this with me cuz Im a black woman. I remember the good ol' days when men only hated on other men, if they were haters, not women! Now, they get props & validation from their homie-lover-friends for the disrepect they shovel?! Oh, and then you justify your reoccupation with me in drag and bowel movements because women do it also?! AND we've done first?! WOW! So, say that's true? You follow women NOT lead?! Imitate them, not protect and respect them! Oh, ok. Just for the record, I'm not one of those women that take it where you do. I've got something better than an asshole. You just mad because that is all you have, and what I have is so much more marketable! AND, I dont even have to use it and I bring more to the bargaining table! Okaay?!
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Member says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
(Pulling Ichibod back) Listen your sellout slut. At least he takes care of his daughter. If you let black men in their "children" lives that maybe we wouldn't have this animosity towards you. Now you can running to an autistic white man that has a sick sexual fetish for you and you are still blaming black men. Go be with a white man why the fuck you keep bringing black men up in your desperation. You don't say shit when a white guy calls you fat and unattractive. You sit there and take it. My parents have been married over 30 years. That is because the generation of women like my mother is basically dying out. Now you have hood rats, "ankles" and desperate black women that don't know their ass from their elbow on how to treat a man. Then you got the nerve to ask for "respect" from men wearing tight clothes and shaking your ass on youtube. I don't care how many degrees you have. I got a degree too. Learn to take personal responsibility for your images being damaged. Black men did not put a gun to your head to prostitute yourself to a white man. Black men never decided to ban you from mainstream magazines and movies and uphold the white woman's image. You little crab in a barrel slut. How about attack the power structure instead of black men. Your busy kissing white ass for attention. When has been acceptable to knock black men who are actually "getting an education and doing the right thing". While the white man makes excuses as to "why he didn't date you in the past". One excuse after another. All of you sellout black women make me sick!
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malarki5 says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
@Ichibod, I got ya back bro...soon come! Menelik Charles London
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Ichibod says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
And Aaziah, Since you want to bring my mother into this, the only mistake you could possibly conceive of her making is bringing me into this world to destroy people like you. One mistake she didn't make is having 2 sons by the same man and remaining married to him for over 30 years. He doesn't fit the description of the black man in the poem you hold so dear in your crotch and bosom, either. Is that why you have a daughter and your profile says 'Single' rather than 'Divorced'? I see why that poem would mean so much to you. I never mentioned anything about your mistakes and you went straight for my mom. Big mistake, sister. Big mistake.
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Ichibod says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
Godiva61, I don't know what you look like, but your words and spirit are so beautiful. Stay sweet and be blessed!
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godiva61 says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
To: Mr. Ichibod, First of all I never said that I was in agreement with the Apology nor was I defending it,nor did I publicly denounce it. I was trying to remain neutral about the Apology, and the reason for my trying to stay neutral about it was because I did not know who wrote it,or their motive for writing it. I try hard, even though I my fail from time to time, I make an attempt to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, by not being judgmental... I was however defending Ms. Aaziah because I thought then, as I do now, that the question's that were asked of her were viable, but inappropiate because she was NOT the one who wrote the Apology, she was the messenger. I have that old school mentality so I believe if and when a person has question's or concern's pertaining to what someone has said, or in this case, what someone has written, then go straight to the source. When my one sister calls and ask me why the other sister did this or said that, my answer is "go ask her"!! I have to be honest, I did not then, or now, understand why the "negative" reaction to the Apology, but at the same time, I am not a Black Man, so I have no right to deny or minimize how he may have felt about the Apology.... We all perceive thing's differently and I think it's because of our personal experiences, our backround's, and our level of maturity. It's in my opinion that this will never change and it's just a part of life. It does not mean that you are right and I am wrong, it just means that we are different. If I did "like" it as you said I did, this should not give you or anyone else the right to refer to me in a degrading/negative manner. We should try and extend to other's the courtesy that we want for ourselves. You have every right to feel the way that you do but, it is in my opinion that it's wrong to attempt to assasinate someone's character just because you disagree with them, or in this case, because of the message that they brought forth. When J.Edgar Hoover decided to try and kill the message and the messenger, Dr.King, he started with the smear campaign, attacking his character by calling him a "communist", a "womanizer" just to discredit him and to try and kill the message, but it didn't work! We will all be held accountable for the word's that we speak and the word's that we write. Last but not least as far as this black man versus black women issue is concerned, I don't personally believe that it is as grand as people make it out to be. I'm not denying that it doesn't exist either. However I am tired of hearing that it's all the black man's fault, and I'm tired of hearing that it's the black woman's fault. It is enough blame and pain to be shared on both sides of the fence, but here's the thing, we come from a people that their existence was not as good as a cow or a chicken, yet we managed to love each other. We come from people who were denied, humiliated, and hanged from trees, but we still managed to love each other, and even our enemies. They had to endure much worse than you and I, and it is on their shoulder's, their blood, their sweat and tears that you and I have the luxuries, the opportunities, the freedom's that they couldn't even imagine ever having so who are we to dishonor their memories by treating each other now as they were once treated? I have never, or will I ever sterotype and say all black men are bad/undesireable. I won't do that to any group of people. The blame has gone on far to long on both sides!! We need to keep it honest and fair, but we also need to come up with a new game plan. Bellichek and Brady can't win if they are running the same plays every sunday, and this battle can't be won with the same negative mentalities and behavior's. Maybe it's time for INDIVIDUALS to own up to their own behavior(s). If a person denounce's and are opposed to bad and immoral behavior, then that sentiment should be applied to ALL, including our families, our friends, and the people that we look up to!!!! If and when a sister is bashing a black man, then as a man you have every right to step to her but stop categorizing ALL for a few INDIVIDUALS. Also if and when a MAN is refering to a group of women as whores, nappy headed, sellouts etc, then maybe they should be stepped to as well, bad behavior is bad behavior!... It would be nice if you liked me or at least respected me but I'm not devestated because you don't. Just know that I am not your enemy, and the more you hate me, the more that I'm going to love you, even moreso. I am committed to being decent, and at the very least, given decency, and fairness my very best to ALL, and especially to the people who like me the least.....
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Ichibod says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
Stop trying to be funny. You're no good at it. And what's with all the gay jokes? The drag thing was for someone else who thought they could insult my intelligence. I'm not the first you tried that with on this blog. Grow up! Learn how to spell! Your comments have nothing to do with the opinions and view points presented by your detractors. I see a lot of people who like things thing that I feel are stupid. If you like that cheesy poem, so be it. If you verbally attack someone in this blogosphere, male or female, who merely asks questions to get you to perhaps see a situation from another perspective (someone I respect for that matter), I just might flip. You stepped into a conversation that didn't involve you. Your name was mentioned (oops!) but I don't see godiva61 saying anything. And I don't want anything with her either. She doesn't hypocritically respond to post by contradicting statments made in her own. Although she liked the poem too, she admits that there are intelligent and strong brothers that obviously don't fit the description of the black man in that poem (huh?). There are plenty of white, Asian, and Latino men that put their women through the exact same bull. You need to recognize that! As a black man, I won't allow someone to generalize me with such disregard and not defend myself. That's what our plight has been for the past few centuries, but for some reason you can't respect my (or our since we're all connected as you so succinctly put it) tenacity in speaking against deregatory remarks, unjustified scenarios, and degrading stereotypes aimed at black men in front of every other race of person on this site. How dare you! Please, just keep it shut. Your mouth, your eyes, your nose, your ears, your legs, your snatch, your crack, your doors, and your windows. Just stay home and die as a reclusive, deaf, mute, asphyxiated hermit with sepsis wishing you could pee without your head exploding. I want to end it right here, but I could on as long as you'd like. I thought I told you to keep your S@#T to yourself. Also, women like it up the butt, too. I'm sure they were the first to do so.
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aaziah says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
Boring? That's not what Im told! Entertaining and non-flinching is a very brief description of my insults,never boring or whateva else u murmured! I did notice a common theme with ur insults to me. "....Aaziah in drag" and now "...bowel movements" Just a bit preoccupied with men and assholes- wouldn't you say?! But, that's ur business. Sounds like somebody let you have it! Ur so bitter man, relax, lighten up! Take in a movie and a hot cocoa wit cha boyz! (I was gonna say take in something else but Im tryin to be nice!). I've got material that you've given me but Imma chill.BUT- I'll be here all week! LoL
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aazIah says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
Wow! Ur insults have a common theme somebody musta let u have it.! "Aaziah in drag and Bowel movements"mmmmmmm! lol telling on urself boo! Ur funny. If you want to assume that all black women have made. Mistskes, as if you know me- don't leave out the mistake ur mom made! Is she also included? Cuz ur bitter, man! Good nite!
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Ichibod says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
Aaziah, Your insults are tired and boring. It's like a middle schooler adding "That's what she said" at the end of every sentence he hears for a cheap lol. Instead, use some real 'human being with at least two brain cells' S*&*#@ called common sense. You co-signed this Marlon LeTerrance turd by sharing that glob of spit called a poem with us readers. I have every intention of talking to this jerk. Bullet-to-Brain Tissue. I guarantee you he may not be guilty of most of those transgressions. Classic fiction writer. His original poem was plural? Even worse! No matter how bad you may have ever wanted someone else to apologize for your mistakes in life, everyone is responsible and must repent for their own actions. Just ask Jesus... for some serious help, Sugar! Have a pleasant evening and an easy bowel movement the next time you have one. Just keep it off this site.
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Aaziah says:Posted: 15 Jun 09
Ichibold You don't have the power to let me have it. You'd have to OWN it first! :) Like another writer had to mention, I can share whateva it is that I like, within reason, just as you. So, don't ponder too much over the power that you do not have. Instead, do some real man S*&*#@ called research, and take it up with the author himself! Not to bother... - I did it for you while you were entertaining the thought of a male version of me. WoW! Whateva turns you on, boo! lol The authors' name is Marlon LeTerrance, you can talk to him about it himself. His email address is his entire name at aol dot com. Man-to-Man. You up for that?! Email him... oh, and by the way. I found out that his original poem is plural. "... An apology from black men." However, it is possible for one man to apologize for a group. We are all connected. Have a gorgeous week and welcome back!
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Member says:Posted: 14 Jun 09
What's happening Ichibod I read what Lee from Mississippi wrote about losing his money through divorce. Unfortunately, black women are using the courts like a belt on your ass. I watched a black "Brit" on youtube talking about banning child support. He made some interesting points about the "Govt essentially rewarding women for irresponsible behavior. If they have fucked more than one man, and you end being the father "by being the last one in the pussy". Why must you "bail her ass out" with child support. They want you to believe that women are "incapable" of getting a man to use a condom. I have slept with my share of black women. Once you are in the relationship for a long period of time. Either she is going to say " she don't want kids" and take birth control. OR she will do everything she can to get "knocked up". It is either one extreme or the other. Yea Ich it was a stupid poem apologizing something I never personally did to all black women. Their bad decisions in life put them in that "hole". They never cared when certain black men were getting their education or "trade". They would rather "compete" for a couple guys that "all black women want". It does not make any mathematical sense. Then they get past age 25, slowly becoming "washed up" struggling, usually as single mothers. They approach you, all "desperate", hinting to let you in move in so you can "help them out". Black women must raise their standards for men. Yet, if a successful black men makes it. He can't raise his standards. He can't say "well you got to many kids" I can't fuck with you. Now they are looking for a "White Man bailout". The white man's standards are HIGHER than black men. I don't know how they think that is even "HURTING" black men in any way. Getting a "Woody Allen" white men is a joke. You walk with the "homely" white guy like you not with him. Man stop lying to the public on this blog! As for black men dating outside their race. They lie about black men getting fat sloppy Asian, White and Spanish women. That's just hate, most of them "have the whole package". Plus you don't even to deal with the nagging, attitude problems and materialistic ways of some black women. Look for my new post on my blog MrLaureltonqueens.blogspot.com New Jack "Blog" City The Carter Part 1 I am also dropping that "Million Dollar Sellout Baby" Sellout black girl "Coke Wave Season". These sellout black girls need to thank us for getting them hot! Rappers and artists made black women "go mainstream" with their exotic look. Yet they bite the hand that feeds them. Now it's we degrade them in rap videos. What the fuck? We made you a billion dollar industry!!!!!!!!!
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Ichibod says:Posted: 13 Jun 09
Thanks, choclatethun. Greetings Menelik and Mr Queens. Always great to see you guys. Menelik, I've never seen you write so much or actually engaged anyone in a debate. I've haven't been on here in a while, but I wish I had earlier. Ofcourse, I would have only let Aaziah and godiva61 have it for sharing that stupid poem and the defense of that stupid poem respectively. I just don't see why people won't understand, you can't expect any one person to apologize for the actions of a group or a group to apologize for the actions to a single person unless there is sufficient evidence linking that one person's words or actions to the offense of a group or linking that group's words or actions to the offense of a one single person. Everything that 'alleged' black man in the poem apologized for has nothing to do with me (even blaming himself for her materialistic ways, you've got to be kidding me). Her friends being jealous of her ain't his problem, it's their's, but the point of the poem is to portay the guilt of a black man, NEVA the lack of responsibility and self respect a black women (it's NEVER, not NEVA). I like your response in regard to the straight 'A' student with braces. I had to stop before reading your response so I could answer that rediculous question myself. You can almost always tell what kind of guys or young boys prefer ghetto, trash, hoochee video girls. If a daughter of mine longed for their attention, then I F@#Ked up somewhere bigtime! Also, if I had a son, he wouldn't be viewing that garbage anyway without hearing my strong, frequently insulting, self esteem diminishing opinion about that crap or the people involved as well as what he should be looking for in a girl. What a girl who should've gotten braces looks like after it's too late. How I had money for me and my date at the prom. You see, my profile says 'All Ethnicites' which is why I am quick and will fight tirelessly against ANYBODY who would actually say derogatory or make blanket statements about their own race in favor of another as far as relationships. One last thing... big ups to MmJay and 2Sexy4MyAge. I liked what you had to say khoibito, but I also liked Mexcubana's post. She never said we hadn't matured since slavery, a lot of us are still holding on to negativity from the past completely unaware of its origin and intention. That's what is meant by mental slavery. Lastly for Not True: "Oh, and Ichibod, that quote is ages old and most definitely did NOT originate in the brain of Jay-Z. Some of you men trying to show off are not as bright as you think you are." I know he didn't make that up, I was just quoting his exact lyrics from the song as a response to a previous post, jacka$$. "Some of you men...?" You sound like Aaziah in drag. Later!
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getitite says:Posted: 11 Jun 09Learn to shut out the noise. If you go somewhere with a woman of a different race than yours, ignore the noise if some folks don't like it. Deal with it by putting on a happy face and having a good time anyway. Don't dwell on the negativity of some people. And by no means never ever let them see you sweat. Believe me, your date will go much better if you stick with your original game plan and don't alter it because of the noise. You might even get some good laughs out of it.
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Aaziah says:Posted: 06 Jun 09
@ The_W (Re: his comment below) PREACH PREACHA! I solute you! I can feel your sincerity and it makes me feel safe to be an emotional, soft and endearing woman around men suchas yourself. Don't change. Your words inspire my faith in black men that I love AND in the ones that don't love me! (because Im a woman, a black woman, I am strong enough to love someone who doesn't have love.) Another Gem: God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. And, another poem to share... Title: **One Flaw In Women! WOMEN HAVE STRENTHGS THAT AMAZE MEN. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH. ...so it's nice to be in love with a man who REMINDS us of our worth, yes?! (Even nicer if he looks like us! If not, definately a runner up to the 1st choice- in my opinion.) *Aaziah (asia) The _W's comment.. "I believe this thing between black men and women is just an extension the conflict between us as we came out of the state of oppression in this country and became full participants in the American system in all respects: socially, politically, religiously and romantically. It’s absurd to have fought for equality as a people: to be judged on the same footing with other races and then criticize one another for living by the principles we so ardently supported. Let’s be consistent in keeping it real. Learn to love what you like and stop denouncing others for living up to the credo of the late Dr. King who said “judge me not by the color my skin but by the content of my character.” Internalizing this an applying it in all of our personal interactions will do us all just fine. Peace."
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Lee4love3 says:Posted: 05 Jun 09It has been a source of conflict for many years now, between Black Male and Black Females. We’re dealing with the success factors and many other things between the two genders.. Who so ever has the better career or job? Many Women now go after the best provider and the better Man. Many times we have to date so many of these Women, just to find the Woman who doesn’t play these types of games. Since games are played often during the dating ritual. Rejections can happen over minor issues are now in season as well. Past histories also come into play, with many women using this as a source of current info. Now that many Black Men have "splintered off" to an outside source of the race. Women are so upset since they have no idea why. Many have missed the very points that got us here. Many refuse to look at the very reasons why we are here at this time in history. TEWAY said, our values have changed since 30 or 40 years ago. I am 100% agreement. He also said some of the writing here looks like that of a 2 year old. i will take that comment and 1 up that. Many of the Women have their thought process from a 2 to 20 year old as I have come to realize. Many want to know what you drive, where you live. If you have not obtained the status, maybe you are just not the right guy. On the other side of the gender--some Men are afraid of successful Women with better paychecks. Many shy away from a Woman who can be independent in her life-totally. I have often heard and read letters from Women about their life of independence. I feel proud to hear about this from Women. Some have been known to use their sexual prowess along with the status they have obtained. Somehow this subject matter seems to fit in as well. We are often bickering about the smallest things within our lives. Some actually love to hate the very Men they're with. I was hit twice financially in my life by women who professed to love me. One wanted all of the items within our home since we did not have any children. The Judge gave her close to 60% of the assets. In another marriage, my now ex-wife emptied the bank account. Then had the nerve to call and say, we should remain friends since we’re now divorced. A I could not understand her thinking one bit. All along she claimed to be one of “Gods children”. That is a touchy subject for me as well. I refuse to date any Woman who pushes that out front as a subject when dating. I want her to know I am a faithful man and very much a believer, but no longer will that be 1st on the agenda when I am trying to get to know her. I have in the past dated out of my race to find some success. I have dated the Asian, White and mixed races. I am so shocked to say that I was treated very much as I imagined I would in thoughts I had of a Black Woman. I found out many things just weren’t like my father or other mentors ever said. Lastly in a few places still within the USA, there are people shocked and amazed about Black Men who date outside of their race today. Many point fingers saying, we go out and hunt for the White Woman to share our beds with. When we are often pushed and sometimes shoved in that direction. Frienemies? I can't ever argue this point again in my life. I will be 52 in 2 weeks and I’m well aware of what many folks do to us Black Men while we try to find Love. I am not speaking from a point of view of living just in Mississippi. I am speaking from the experience of having lived close to 20 locations around the USA and 4 places in Europe. (I'm a former Soldier) It's rough out here and I don't plan on continuing my course of action. If there are Black Woman for me to love, I will make sure of it by not settling for just anyone. If that doesn't ever materialize so be it. I will not allow anyone to give me a opinion, I will make my own opinion on how my heart should feel. If that means I wake up with a brown, white or mixed raced Woman, I will do my best to be happy. Life is short and we’ve got to live it, the best way we know how.
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The_W says:Posted: 04 Jun 09
I believe this thing between black men and women is just an extension the conflict between us as we came out of the state of oppression in this country and became full participants in the American system in all respects: socially, politically, religiously and romantically. It's absurd to have fought for equality as a people: to be judged on the same footing with other races and then criticize one another for living by the principles we so ardently supported. Let's be consistent in keeping it real. Learn to love what you like and stop denouncing others for living up to the credo of the late Dr. King who said "judge me not by the color my skin but by the content of my character." Internalizing this an applying it in all of our personal interactions will do us all just fine. Peace.
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Aaziah! says:Posted: 02 Jun 09NO. I didn't receive ur emailGodiva61.... Please resend!! Thanks for shaeing your grandmother with us!! Aaziah
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godiva61 says:Posted: 01 Jun 09
To Aaziah, How are you? I hope all is well with you and your's! It is really good to hear from you.. Sent you a e-mail, did you get it? I just wanted to thank you for the words of wisdom, empowerment, and always, your words are uplifting. I believe your wisdom exemplifies and compliment's your beauty. A wise woman builds up, and not tear down!! Here's to the power of uplifting!! I had a conversation on yesterday about one's "thoughts, deeds, and word's (especially words) with a youn man who is hurting for many reasons, so it's ironic that you should speak of this in your writing today. I want so much peace, joy, and happiness for this young man because he is a genuine good hearted person, despite the pain and the anger that he often displays. After 3 hours of talking with him, I gained a better insight as to why he has so much pain and the root of his pain is because of the constant, non-stop, discouraging words that he has heard all of his life. I only wish that other's could really see the consequences of their "words". I wish that there was a way that we could physically see the scars of a person who has been verbally abused, then maybe we would begin to understand, or at the very least, be mindful about the words that we speak, before we speak them... Word's hurt, and they can sometime destroy, amputate, and kill a person's soul. One day when I was younger, jr high, my homework assignment was to do a report on "weapons". I was sitting in the kitchen with my father and grandmother and I asked Daddy, "what is the most powerful weapon ever"? I assumed he had the answer because, afterall, he was a former Marine, and he would know about weapons. It was not Daddy who answered, but my grandmother. I'll never forget her answer, she answered "the most powerful weapon is a person's tongue"! I was eleven years old at the time, and thought to myself "granny has been sipping the sherry again". It wasn't until years later, after she had passed away that I fully understood what she was trying to say. On the day that the light bulb came on, it was one of the worse days of my life, and to be honest(which is the only way to be), it wasn't what was said to me, but what I said to that person, I was at fault and so wrong!!!! When I saw the look on her face, I WANTED TO DIE!! All was not lost because that was the defining moment in my life about how word"s can cut deep into the soul. Believe it or not I apologized and she and I are still friends to this day, 26 yrs later. I am not happy that I made her so sad that day, but I am glad that it happenned because I needed to learn, early on, about the power of my words. Someday's I do fall short, who doesn't, but when I do, my spirit let's me know almost immediately where I went wrong, and reminds me to work a little harder on tommorrow.. My motto for that is "tommorrow will be better, if I just leave yesterday behind"!! Thank you Ms. Aaziah. Your words here today has been a "self check" for me about the word's that I speak... Self check is a good thing... Wise men lay up knowledge but the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.. Wisdom speaks the truth, weakness speaks preversion and lies A hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor Death and life are in the power of the tongue Here's to life and the uplifting word's for all mankind love godiva61
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Aaziah says:Posted: 31 May 09
Positive Thoughts Straight from the Heart! When you judge another, you do not define that person, you define YOURSELF!! We don't see things as they are , we see things as WE are. Remind yourself,''My mistakes don't define me. Getting over them is far more significant .'' The mind cannot forgive .Only you can .That is why Jesus said:''Before you enter the temple,forgive.'' If somebody says something to you that hurts ,instead of going into unconscious reaction such as attack,you let it pass right through you.Offer no resistance, that is forgiveness. Other people's opinions are driven by THEIR needs and emotions- not by magical insights OR VOCABULARY INSULTS about your worth! Know that all the strengths, values and insights you need already live in you .You have only to activate them. Be a person you would like to listen to: encouraging, tolerant, curious, warm, interesting, positive.It is possible. The game of life is the game of boomerangs.Our thoughts, deeds and WORDS return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy. Live in such a way that those who know you but don't know God, will come to know God because they know you... The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you were looking for . Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let it go. Only if you resist what happens are you at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness. and finally... Ephesians 1:4 I AM CHOSEN. Guilt no longer fits me. I have traded Guilt for Faith! for HE CHOSE US in HIM before the creation of the world to be Holy & Blameless in his Sight and in Love!
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single_in_nj says:Posted: 25 May 09
Wow! I can't believe some of the postings here from both my black brothers and sisters. There are a few posiitve postings and then there are the others. Date and love who you want. Nothing seems to ever change with this topic.
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rarefind0805 says:Posted: 25 May 09I am the oldest of three. I have two younger brothers. I spend lots of time with handsome, educated black men. But, what I have found is the insecurities on both sides are so large. It is hard to find a middle ground. The Most common middle ground is sex. And that isn't the best foundation when you have insecurities. My most recent relationship with a very successful black man is that he always felt that I was competing with him. And maybe his success made me want to be better and do better for myself. So, here begins the conflict. Relationships are best when we complement one another. that means at some point one of us is in a submissive position. That position is traditionally hard for the black male and female.
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Aaziah! says:Posted: 24 May 09
Re: the apology... It was written by a black MAN! Singular! Remember malarki?! And it was written by a Black man! Not a black woman/women. Mensa?! Wow! Education has nothing to do with CHARACTER! "I am my brothers keeper" I guess you think that only refers to man on man. Huh?! So gayish. Why is it that a black male who doesn't take care of his babies, responsibilities & have love for his own race and THEN other cultures still want to call himself a MAN?! All women that have babies aren't mothers & all males are not men! Whe a father doesnot raise his daughter ie validate her- she grows up to look for what she didn't get from other men! The same with boys not raised by their fathers! They look to other men for validation! Depending on the character of the men these children select usually determines what the young men n women becomes! A man. A pimp. A drug dealer a baby daddy etc. A young woman- I'll let you fill n da blanks! So a fathers absence is a direct result of why this topic is hot. We're all n pain- some more than others! ;ust own ur own shit n stop dumping on others! I know its safer to look at others rather than self. Makes u feel like- for a moment, u got ur shit 2gether! But at who's cost? Your's first and then maybe someone else's. It"s time for some Upstream management on this topic AND in our community! I love you Black MAN! Everybody else- I feel the same way that you feel about me. But make no mistake- I will cut for the cause and then pray for ya! Peace n Love By any means necessary. Aaziah Tasia)
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choclatethun says:Posted: 23 May 09WOW!!!, I must say that no matter how deep the problem may be, we as black people will always be strong. I truelly learned alot by logging onto this blog today. I have enjoyed Menelik Charles, Ichibod, Kimmic, and Aaziah. Reading all of your comments helped me to understand how much we as a culture really care and love one another. the length of the comments demonstrates how deep the hurt and scar runs within our culture. Speeking freely, there is nothing wrong with dating someone of another culture, we must remember not to forget where you come from. To all I have mentioned, Ichibod I wish I had a friend like you. Kimmic I admire your passion of self,all women, and culture. Menelik, you are the one!. To Aaziah, what a wonderful poem of the stuggle of black women past,present, future.
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choclatethun says:Posted: 23 May 09
WOW!!!, I must say that no matter how deep the problem may be, we as black people will always be strong. I truelly learned alot by logging onto this blog today. I have enjoyed Menelik Charles, Ichibod, Kimmic, and Aaziah. Reading all of your comments helped me to understand how much we as a culture really care and love one another. the length of the comments demonstrates how deep the hurt and scar runs within our culture. Speeking freely, there is nothing wrong with dating someone of another culture, we must remember not to forget where you come from. To all I have mentioned, Ichibod I wish I had a friend like you. Kimmic I admire you passion of self,all women, and culture. Menelik, you are the one!. To Aaziah, what a wonderful poem of the stuggle of black women past,present, future.
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malarki5 says:Posted: 23 May 09
@ Sister MST "soft-spoken" and probably soft-hearted too! We need more sisters like you supporting Black, and human causes. I sense your femininity, sister and believe me, that disposition is a rare enough quality among certain sections of the African-American community to compel some impatient 'brothers' to seek it elsewhere! I like you, sister friend. I sense we can disagree without you needing swarm all over me with false accusations and assumptions that had no bearing on what one said originally. I did note, however, that since BlackCowBoy made his remarks, all sorts are coming out of the woodwork to defend comments AGAINST BLACK WOMEN that were nowhere near as slanderious as those made against Black men in the "APOLOGY"...how very odd! Menelik Charles London England PS I shall be happy to reply to any comments you make but Not to others!
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Kai says:Posted: 23 May 09
You people really are freaks. Just plain weirdos. With the exception of one or two bloggers on this site I just happened to come across, I never knew there were so many weirdos in the Black race. Quite frankly its disturbing. If this is the intrinsic effect that synthesizing with White America has on Blacks, then all I can say is "May God Help us All" One blogger's entire blog was about punctuation and grammar. Another Blogger calls Black women Butt Ugly, yet Black women or shall I say women of color are some of the most beautiful exotic creatures on the face of the earth, and ageless at that..No Botox, wrinkle removers or breast enhancement needed there. Yet once again, another slave mentality poor soul with "Black Self Hatred" attacks his own race calling Black women twits as if his freakin mother, sister, aunts etc. weren't Black. Lo and behold, a crazed woman blogger decides she is turned on by this idiots Webster Dictionary elementary level vocabulary insults and practically drools at the mouth and asking this idiot out on a date after he insults her own race of people. To top it off, another weirdo blogs that slavery didn't exist. Sheesh!!! Good damn grief, anyone who happened into this website would leave thinking you people are a bunch of psychos in dire need of some serious therapy!!!!! Whatever it is, I only hope it doesn't spread. I am out of this Cuckoo place! Hope to never return here! Sheeeeeesh!!!
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Tell it to Oprah. Maybe you should have read more, a lot more before you posted your runny discharge of a comment. The topic is valid. The comments have been valid. You are just dying for the attention that your dad evidently didn't give you, which is evident by attempting to sound angry at a topic that you obviously don't understand. The people who stated that this wasn't an issue, are talking about interracial dating in general and not the topic at hand. Trust me. I've read all of these post and have been apart of it since the beginning. Learn some history about your race and what we have been through, sista girl. It has nothing to do with living in the past, it's about correcting our present for a brighter future in sptie of our past. And all those, "a person should love who they want", "Love has no color", and "we all bleed red blood" comments have no place in a blog about the rift between black men and black women. As I said on April: "...these topics are getting very old. Many of them start with some white person’s opinon, then some black women’s beef with that white person’s opinion. Followed by the typical lame , “Love has no color, we are all the same”, comment. After a little of that garbage, more crap that has nothing to do with the topic, then a black man comes to the white person defense, and maybe a counterattack from a guy who just wants his flirt to ‘beef’ chick accepted, and then the heat is on and you never see another comment from a white person for the rest of the blog. Just back a forth, black men and women not getting along in a blog asking why black men and women don’t along." I called this out long ago and what have you seen? "Why must someone put down another to justify their actions, I have no idea." You sure don't. That's exactly what we are here to discuss.