Black women. Black men. Best frenemies.
I have to agree there is a large number of loving couples within the black community. That aside, we still have a crisis within black relationships. For eons on end, black women and black men have been at each others necks … still are. They experience this when trying to date, marry and even stay together and most of these attempts end in mutual misunderstandings and mutual blame.
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
In the book What's Love Got to Do with It?: Understanding and Healing the Rift Between Black Men and Women 77.1% of black mothers tell their daughters negative tales about black men. And those who don’t get the dirt from mommy have on going ‘reality shows’ - their parents’ relationships. And this could be where the urge to strangle or b**ch about every black man that walks by starts.
But what is more surprising is that people feel interracial dating within the black community is what is causing more of this frenemity. Check out what one blogger asked: “When did splintering off to date outside the race, looking for a successful partner anywhere but within black America, and promoting the myth that black men are "players" and black women are "emasculating" become the norm?”
Splintering off? Is that what people call it when one opts for interracial dating? Let’s not even look that far … I have seen the fires members on this blog ignite just because of black-white dating. Makes me wonder if other communities have this love-hate relationship of their sexes.
So when did this frenemity between black men and women actually begin? How are we to explain these heightened levels of tension and conflict between them? What could be the root cause of this turbulence? Is interracial dating (black-white dating in particular) the main cause? Really?
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279 responses to "Black women. Black men. Best frenemies."
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godiva61 says:Posted: 23 May 09To Maidinheaven, Happy Friday!! I forgot to tell you that I absolutey adore your nickname(maidinheaven) so adorable.... I am happy that you had a great and productive day and any day above ground is a good day!! Doesn't it do your heart well to make someone smile, or say something to make them feel better? It's an awesome feeling and it never get's old!! We hear too much of the negative sometimes on this site, but I'm not, nor will I ever be a magnet for negativity but after listening to some of the nonsense, it will, or at least it should, inspire you to be a better person and if nothing else, work even harder to be more positive, and open minded. When I meet people like yourself it makes the negative all worthwhile. I had a great day too in spite of the mess I made early this morning(spilled baby oil). Have you ever tried cleaning baby oil off of tile? It wasn't pretty! I had to laugh, because while I was trying to clean it up, I kept slipping and sliding, the more I slipped, the harder I laughed. I thought about granny when I was sliding on that floor, she would have been laughing just as hard. She would often say "every now and again you should laugh at your own self", and today I did just that!!! I had a great day today in spite of doing the electric slide to the tune of baby oil. Yes I still use baby oil on my skin... I went to the cemetary to visit daddy, my brother and of couple of friends who all served in the Military. Today I wasn't sobbing like I usually do (I really miss daddy), for some reason today I managed to keep my composure... I just thanked them for all that they gave me and what they gave for their country. I told daddy that I was still a Yankee Fan( he used to be a Mets fan) and then I got the nails and facial thing going, came home made some crabcakes. relaxed and here I am.... Now I'm off to a hot bath, but I'm staying away from the baby oil, once was enough today... Have a great weekend and I'll talk with you soon. You are a sweetie!!! love godiva61
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Maidinheaven says:Posted: 23 May 09
To Godiva61 You are so fortunate to have experienced such a wonderful grandmother to live to be 105. She saw a lot of life and imparted much wisdom to you. I want you to know that I intentionally set out with a purpose today to bless as many people as I could today. I do that everyday but lately became more self-focused (it was necessary). It has been a busy day and will be a busy evening. Several high school and college graduations will keep me very busy this weekend. I am so happy and proud for these young people and what they have accomplished so I made a pact with them to be available to them, especially those who will be going away to college instead of going locally. Again, thank you for just being who you are. Also, I called as many of my wonderful, stong, descent, hard-working, grateful-hearted Black men that I could to tell them "I appreciate you for all that you are and all that you have been to me". GIRL! It made their day!!! One good thing that this post has done is made me realize how special these men are. We re-affirmed our committment to our people, families, communities and our children. Many of them will be attending the graduations also, although they do not know the young people who are graduating. IT HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL DAY IN EVERY WAY. Be Well! God bless you
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MmJay says:Posted: 22 May 09Geeeezz, dos anyone know the difference between your and you're. You can type can't..isn't...they're but no one seems to know that your and you're are not the same and they DO NOT SOUND the same. And yes I am probably including you in my rant. It would seem that only the English and not Americans know the difference. Contractions people contractions. We all learned them in elementary school. So as you attack each other and cool each other sellouts please please please use the words correctly because you're killing me as i try to understand the sentences that don't mean anything. You're making me assume what you meant to say. And I don't agree with the attacks either. It would seem that "frenemies" is a correct assertion based on the latest back and forths.
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godiva61 says:Posted: 22 May 09
To Cowboy, I think that your remark was out of line and totally disrespectful, not to mention, just stupid! I'm a black woman who is neither fat or ugly. You can say what you want about black women, but for the most part, black women are the most beautiful women in the world. And yes even the dark skinned ones, such as myself. Please shut your mouth because you are very ignorant and it's because of your ignorance and your self hatred towards your own people that further the cause for blacks, especially the black men who have a hard enough time in this world already to keep having a even harder time trying to make it in this jacked up society!!!!!! You should be ashamed of yourself and you couldn't be considered as a man, let alone a black man. My daddy was a beautiful, dark skinned black man, and he was the love of my life, so are the other black men in my life and I DON'T WANT YOUR TYPE TO BE REPRESENTING THE BLACK MAN!!! Stop bashing black women and stop trying to pass yourself off as black man. The black men that I know and love are strong, intelligent and would never say anything as ignorant as you just did...It's men like you who encourage the negative remarks about black men, and I don't agree with them and I don't agree with your or your fake ass representation of a black man. When you say fat and ugly does that include your family as well? You are the exact reason why one should never have unprotected sex!!! Go away, you are a fake and a fraud!!!!!!!! I have heard many things on this site that has offended me. I have heard many things that I don't agree with but I can honestly say that you have reached a all time low. A real black man doesn't disgrace women and especially the women that look like him and guess what not only are you not a genuine black man, you are a broke down, recycled version of a man. Go hate yourself on your own time, this is not the place for it!!!!! Last but not least, any woman or man who can put down his own people is not a real woman or man at all!!!!
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MST says:Posted: 22 May 09Thanks, Mr. Queens. "Black Cowboy": Have you met "most" black women? So how do you know we all fit your description? Also, I work out 3x times a week and am not bitchy at all. I am soft-spoken and have been told I am attractive. Perhaps you find "most" black women unattractive because YOU don't like what you see in the mirror in the morning! Let's face it, many of us still think dark skin, wide noses, nappy hair, and full lips are ugly. BTW, I live in Philadelphia, which is loaded with fat, unattractive, loud, trashy white women (must be all those cheesesteaks) so what are you talking about?
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Member says:Posted: 22 May 09
In defense of black women You said this "Well,let’s see…I’m NOT disparging ALL black women,but let’s face it,most are fat,fugly and b***hy.And as to MST,lots of groups have no use for folk who resemble them,i.e.,the Asian- American and -Canadian inter-marriage rates." White women on their best day couldn't look better than an average black woman. I am moving to PA, I see fat white girls in the midwest than I do black women. So let's not talk about white women in comparison to black women. Rarely does a white girl turn my head. Unless she is really "flawless". End of story.
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RideThisBlackCowboy says:Posted: 22 May 09
Well,let's see...I'm NOT disparging ALL black women,but let's face it,most are fat,fugly and b***hy.And as to MST,lots of groups have no use for folk who resemble them,i.e.,the Asian- American and -Canadian inter-marriage rates.
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RideThisBlackCowboy says:Posted: 22 May 09
That lady was wearing cowgirl garb.One question:Where may I find buxom black cowgirls?
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MST says:Posted: 22 May 09
This whole article is sad. I know of no other race that openly puts each other down like this. Asian women flock to white men, but I rarely see them write about it. If you want to date white men, or white women, go ahead. Who cares? But why put your own race down? Not all black men are thugs and not all black women are loud and materialistic (I am on the reserved side, in fact, people ask me why I'm "so quiet"). I work in an office with mostly black women. Not a day goes by without me hearing about them complain about their "nappy-ass" hair or talk about "good" hair. One's hairstyle is a matter of personal choice, but I think that some women would rather walk down the street naked than go out in public with natural hair. I have a coworker who is always bragging about her light-skinned, half Puerto-Rican granddaughter, who has long straight hair, yet she refers to her black grandchildren as "niglets." This is pathetic and sadly, is still not uncommon. I see this self-hatred in my own family. I have a sister who hates black men and once said she wouldn't let a black man touch her. Yet she married a white bum who disrespects her and cheats on her. My brother only dates white women and actually went to Russia to meet a white woman who he was supposed to marry. He gave her a ring, money, etc., and then she dumped him. The whole thing was ridiculous. People, learn to love yourselves. That's all.
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Member says:Posted: 22 May 09
No we will make this easy for you. Stop running to white men to solve all your problems. If you didn't run to the media with your tail between your legs talking about "there is no good black men" to date. Than maybe white men would believe that you are not picking them as a last resort. Your sarcasm towards Menelik is a joke. Just like the rest of these sellout black women on this board. They claim they "know what is wrong with the world". Yet they can't manage to keep a solid relationship with a black man. Your so smart why you can't even do that. You can't eve figure out why black men despise you. Instead you run to white men. Ignore their transgressions that they have heaped upon you. Who do you think started stereotyping people in the first place. I can't recall a black person making up the word Jezebel and "Negress' for black women. Currently white men say racial things that offend you. You chalk it up to "oh he hasn't been around black people". Yea sure he hasn't that is why he thinks your loud and that you were raised in the "hood". I understand now. That chicken negro does not apologize for me. I ain't apologizing to none of them. That emasculated black man doing an open apology does not speak for me. Where the apology for black women with kids with different daddies and using the court system to reward themselves financially for their "loose" behavior. They need to apologize to us if anything!
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godiva61 says:Posted: 22 May 09
To Maidinheaven, My grandmother was very inspirational to me, and our entire family, I miss her so much!!!! She was the type of person that all enjoyed her company, and valued her wisdom and she was never bitter. Her only regret was that she was unable to receive the proper education for herself, but other than that she had no ill will towards anyone at all and I admired that because she like many others who were treated far worse than you and I, had a legitimate reason to beome bitter but she didn't. I think if she had the opportunity to be edcucated she would have been able to go places and do great things in a professional way... Nevertheless, she had a natural way to inspire people. Education and intelligence is one thing, but if you are small minded, hateful and arrogant, your education will amount to no more than just a piece of paper with your name stamped on it, acknowleding that you have met a particular criteria. How many people do you know of who are degreed, with a high I.Q, and are still the most unhappy, bitter, insecure, and lonely? There are many, too many..... As always, a pleasure to talk with you...... Love godiva61
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MALARKI5 says:Posted: 22 May 09
godiva61 said: I’ll make this “easy” for you, you are right about everything so now you can say yet again, something derogatory, and condescending about black women. You can go to sleep tonight knowing that as always, you are right, and there is no need for improvement or enlightment in your life. Menelik replied: What in Heaven's name are you on about? I answered your questions point-by-point. I have made very little comment here and most of it was muted! I keep my opinions to myself which is why I ask questions! You talk about condescending. Have you tried re-reading the stuff you and Aazia wrote me? Really, it is sooo heavy, disproportionate and over-bearing as to be almost impossible to respond to! Only my training has allowed me to remain calm and focused. Rule 1 ask questions. Rule 2 don't respond negatively to people with dark clouds hovering of them. These rules are not easy to follow when one is being accused of everthing under the sun..including hating Black women! Look, I'm a nigger, yea, and I also happen to be extremily clever i.e. MENSA CLEVER! My point? Every single word I type is carefully vetted. There is no hate. No sarcasm. Maybe a little humour. If something provokes me I do not lash out. I ask questions. I may also, on ocasions, say how I feel or think about something or someone. Here's what I feel/think right now: yourself and Aazia have taken every opportunity to mock, patronise, accuse and bully, me and all the while you have virtually accused me of doing all of this to you! You can comment on anything and yet abuse me for very, very, very little comment(readers, please read my original post)! I genuinely find both of you grossly offensive and sooo oppressive! It matters not one jot who I am; my relationship to young Black males and females (and believe me, it is very freakin' important!) or what role I've played in the uplift of the Black (British)community for most of my life!!! All that matters to you is that you have some fresh meat to attack; someone who appears as though he can put up a decent fight! Someone upon whom you can heap your sins, failings and hang ups! Once you've selected your target there is simply no way out for your chosen 'victim'. It matter not who am!!! All that matters is that I asked SIX questions in response to an "apology" in which a SINGLE Black man "apologised" to countless numbers of Black women for everthing from rape to murder! Who on earth was this Black man representative of? I why was he made to apologise to countless Black women? Is he the world'd greatest serial killer and rapist? Am I as a Black man truly not permitted to comment or ask questions on something that concerns me, and my alleged behaviour? And now you congratulate one another as though defeating an opponent. Well, if you elect me as one than I am! But my intuition tells me when something isn't quite right...and something aint right here! I guess its the same feeling I'd get if I bumped into in a club or at some other social event lol You want sarcasm? You can have: YOU'RE A STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, FEMININE (?) AMBITIOUS sisters, yeah? Well, then have the last word, GO ON, HAVE THE LAST WORD!! Menelik Charles London England
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Maidinheaven says:Posted: 22 May 09
I said "Thank you" for the positive post and agree with wholeheartedly with your last post. I, too, understand that death and life are in power of the tongue and how it can either heal or destroy. Even Jesus cursed the fig tree for not producing fruit and it withered and died. Some of this Black bashing is like the fig tree and I want it dead. However I may be able to help kill it in my spere of power, I am willing to do so. We are all shaped by our experiences in life and I am extremely passionate about life and those things I consider important. My God has blessed me and my family tremendously and I thank Him. A 105 year old grandmother is the ultimate blessing. All of my old soldiers have passed on to the next dimension but I shall never, ever forget what they taught me, love, watch, fight, pray, and get through this life "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY". So, I was "thanking you" for everything above that you have written, before it was written here, because I could see it in your SPIRIT in the original post, although you did not detail it as it is here. I do and shall continue to lift up our men and women who are serving this country; some people just don't understand the burdens they and their families have. God bless, strengthen, and keep you. Be Well!
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godiva61 says:Posted: 22 May 09
To Maidinheaven, Greetings! I don't know exactly what I said to you in order for you to "thank" me, but whatever it was, you are welcome.... My mission in life is to uplift and make the difference in the lives of others in anyway that I can. My grandmother who lived to be 105 yrs old used to always say "If I can help someone along the way, then my living wil not be in vain". That was one of her favorite sayings, so I'm just trying to honor her memory by living my life with that motto in the forefront. No big deal.......... I firmly believe also that the words that come out of your mouth is as powerful as your actions. Also the "last" thing that you say to a person, maybe the last thing that you ever say at all, so I'm mindful about the words that I speak.... The tongue can be a very powerful and deadly weapon!!! That is why I am so passionate and against stereotyping and the verbal bashing of others. It's morrally wrong and it serves no positive results whatsoever. Hopefully one day, we as a people will realize this.... When I pray, I always ask GOD to guide my footsteps, to remove any and everything in my heart that is not pleasing to HIM, and I always, always ask that HE guide my tongue as well. Most days I do well, but since I'm flawed, some days I fall short... In my career I often encounter the destruction of people and often times it's the death of the person. Three weeks ago, the death was of a 16yr old who had committed suicide. I held in my hands a life that had ended at a very young age. I immediately thought about my son at 16, I thought about my life at 16 and for a brief moment I was having a very difficult time keeping my composure. As I prepared her to go to the morgue, I found in her backpack a note which explained why she ended her life. Of course I won't go into details, but it was basically because of the continuing harsh words that she heard day in and day out, and I guess being in and out of foster care didn't help matters. Words do hurt, and sometimes they even kill! I know without a doubt that she'd still be here if she had words of encouragement versus words of discouragement. I can't do anything for her, it's too late but her death as sad as it is, inspires me even moreso, to be kind and be mindful of the words that I put out into the universe.. One day we will all be held accountable for the words that come out of our mouths.... So on that note, I will say to you "have a wonderful day, and go make a difference" Love godiva 61 P.S. As we celebrate this Memorial Holiday, please lift up our men and women in prayer who are serving this country and for the one's who died serving this country. Remember their families as well. There's a young man in Maryland that will be buried this weekend, he was stationed in Iraq, killed last week....
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Member says:Posted: 22 May 09
I read all the comments on this board. My friend London always put things in perspective. I also respect the woman he was responding too. It is funny how people have strong words "for people like me". Yet , will lash out with violence just to get their point across. I guess you combat hatred with more hatred. Making indirect threats as if that will bring them closer to the utopia they are preaching here. I don't dwell on the past. Of course they were white people who helped us in the Civil Rights movement. Yea the abolitionists helped the slaves too. Guess where those white people went after they did that? They went back to their cozy white community and pat themselves on the back and said "we helped some negros today". They are doing the same thing with sellout black women. They want to dictate to me that I must accept you dating a black woman. I don't have to accept shit. In a free society we tolerate shit. That is about it. The same people calling me beast, clutch their bag when they see a black man "they know nothing about". Do you think they sit online and say " he is a good black man" I won't clutch my bag. I don't even have to mention the woman in the nursing home. She is the biggest hypocrite. She is old enough to know about discrimination. So spare me the lecturing and preaching about "how if black men" like me were gone things would be so right in the world. Basically that is what is being said in my opinion. Nobody goes to their grave with hatred. There were kind-hearted black people that went to their grave penniless, broke, praying to a white jesus that never did shit for them. See this is the problem with society. They want black people to bow their head and smile all the time. I won't bow my head like these cowardly sellout black girls in this room. That will pup with white men manipulating them and not returning their phone calls. Yet they have the strength to lash out at me like I caused that to happen. There is still some black people " kneeling down" asking for "healing" while getting railroaded financially. They said in the news that collectively African Americans income has decreased during the recession. I guess white society is going to blame us for that happening. Where your white friends at when you lose your job. I have worked in the corporate world for a brief period of time. I use to see the chicken george negros hang out with their white friends. They would go to lunch together. I prefer to go to lunch with black women in the office because they tell you who will get fired. These same chicken george negros are shocked when they are "let go" by their white friends. After all, you went to dinner with them. You talked about how many bitches you were fucking. Now your out on your ass and can't even support your wife and kids. I have been fortunate to keep my fiancee and myself afloat during this crisis. I never had a child out of wedlock. I went to college and never kissed no ass to do it. I am not in a lot of debt. My life is a good. They only self loathing people in here is the ones that lie to themselves on the real reasons why they date outside their race. They can't face themselves in the mirror. So they point the finger at me as the problem. Never point the finger at the majority of white men that pick you last. The ones that won't date you because they consider you fat, dark, not on their socioeconomic level. Look for my new post the THE WHITE MAN DEPRESSION. London Menelik take it easy man.
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Maidinheaven says:Posted: 22 May 09
Just general and to whomever the shoe fits. For those who perceive me as bitchy, bossy, aggressive, mean, or whatever else and didn't like my post, that is fine, cause I can be all of those things and still supersede you in the love category. I need those qualities to appropriately deal with those who deserve such wrath. BUT, those qualities are only superseded by my love, compassion, dedication, committment, and appreciation for life. My comments were not for debate, so if you are negative and one of those people who hate all Black men, or all Black women or all White folks, just hold your roll, and may God help you to try to love yourself. Don't write back to me because it is a mute point. JUST PLAY WITH YOUR BRAIN AS USUAL. BIG, BIG, BIG SMILE!!!
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Maidinheaven says:Posted: 22 May 09
(Smile, Big Smile) To godiva61 Thank You! My last post got a little long, but I'm really fed up with this issue. I know too many fine Black men AND Black women who are far more deserving of accolades, honor, respect, love, appreciation and compassion. Even some of those that are addicted to drugs and alcohol deserve more respect than some people are willing to give theml they don't know the sacrifices that these people made. Life just got to them and they tried to escape it with chemicals. I don't allow ANYBODY, ANYBODY, to step to me with all that hate about my people or any people for that matter. Now, don't get me wrong, WE, BLACK PEOPLE, have some serious problems in our comumunities, homes, and lives. AIDS in America is worse than in Africa and this is what we are discussing! My God! That is insane. Blaming each other will not resolve them. Accepting responsibility for our plight is on all of us, whether we like it or not. Yes, some Black women are sorry and some Black men are sorry, but they are no sorrier than the people that are attracted to them and get involved with them. But NOT ALL BLACK MEN OR WOMEN ARE SORRY. Many women and men have sexual intercourse with with men and women who they know they can't stand, get a baby and hate the baby, TOO. I am sick and tired of seeing us fail our children who are our legacy. I am extremely intolerant of child abuse (and elderly abuse). EXTREMELY. We stand on the shoulders of many, many men and women of all races who deserve a much better legacy than perpetual hatred of Black (or White people). I don't care what you drive, what you wear, how many Gucci handbags you may have, or how many homes you may have or how much money you may have, if you have not at least understood how unique, special, talented, creative, regal and beautiful Black people are, you are nothing. Many of our youth are graduating from high school and some of these young people have made straigt A's their enire high school experience, no babies, no jail, no drugs, some have not even had sexual intercourse with anyone. Talk to me about them. Talk to me about a $10,000 scholarship fund for them. Talk to me about helping them or even helping some of those who want it but don't have enough faith in themselves to attempt. Tutor somebody, cut some senior citizen's grass or something, do something productive, positive; it could become a pleasure to you. Talk to me about that because this dialogue is nothing but the devil further dividing and conquering my people. AND THAT IS WHY WHEN PEOPLE STEP TO ME WITH THIS KIND OF MESS, I DEAL WITH THEM APPROPRIATELY. So, thank you for your comment and to the rest of you people: DON'T STEP TO ME WITH THIS MESS! DON'T DO IT! Godiva is the best chocolate. May God bless you and give the finest White or Black man ( or whatever color man you want),who knows God, loves Him, who is extremely capable, lovable, monetarily blessed (man is the head), a good, satisfying lover, and everything else that you want in your man. (This is what I want in my earthly prince or king). He will have to put out and he will want me ONLY!! NOT ME & DEBBIE & 50 OTHER WOMEN. BE BLESSED!
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Maidinheaven says:Posted: 22 May 09
To World Citizen Thank you for your comment. I recognize that many others have not had my blessings. However,I do very much like the realm of reality and do not delude myself into believing that my situation is the norm. Nor do I delude myself into believing that any Causasian or White person could EVER, TRULY understand the living nightmare or hell that my people have endured unless they put on my skin and walk the walk. So I'm not much for pacifications like "we all bleed the same blood" and we are all mixed" or we are all the same" NO. WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME. BUT. My God is a God of variety and He loves beautiful things in all colors, which is why He made me Black. We all have talents, abilities, causes, needs, ect. that link us together. We are all a part of the "Human Race" but to keep it real, Black people were considered to be LESS THAN ANIMALS BY THE POWER STRUCTURE THEN, AS NOW BY SOME, AND, the Black Race (people that look like me) have caught HIGH, SUNAMI-LIKE HELL FROM WHITES ON THIS PLANET. If you have not walked in my shoes, just please say something such as "I have compassion for your plight or something else nice like you did that may seem compassionate,however, BE CLEAR ON THIS: I cannot reduce everything to what Anthropologist say; they should have told that to the power structure, racist government and society that existed then as those that exist now. Don't get me wrong, I recognize and appreciate the GOOD WHITE PEOPLE who not only acknowledged that slavery was wrong, but who also fought to eradicate it. Not for their own selfis gain (money) but because they were RIGHTEOUS AND KNEW THAT GOD WAS NOT PLEASED ABOUT HOW HIS CREATION WAS BEING TREATED. Black People really need to know the truth about Abraham Lincoln, the Civil War, why it was fought, the Rebel flag etc. but many believe that a book is a useless piece of work. I am also blessed to know WHO , WHOSE , WHAT ,AND WHY I AM,and WHERE I CAME FROM. Opposition must come. Whether it comes from the White man, the Black man, the jealous White woman or the jealous Black woman, whoever it comes from, I will deal with it until the day I die. LOVE IS FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN HATE BUT YOU MUST TRULY KNOW WHAT LOVE IS IN ORDER TO FULFILL IT, GIVE IT OR ENDURE IT. MY father had love. I watched him and my brothers endure endless racism from a society that hated the color of their skin. My father was quite an EXCEPTIONAL MAN during his time though, who was before his time. He was a fighter and I often watched as he stood up toe-to-toe against racism; even if it meant his life. We had more guns than the U.S.ARMY and enough amunition to fight for at least a year. His White friends said, "We're gonna die with y'all" O.K. and they stood by us, in the picket line, in the fights, and in the hell. LOVE. Now those are friends that stick closer than brothers. That's why I have an appreciation for a good White man just as much as I do for a good Black man; Love (ACTION) speaks louder than words. My Daddy told us many times that he would die a man and that we would die right along side of him before he would let us live in abject ANYTHING. MY DADDY DID NOT PLAY. I watched as he and his friends, Black and White ran the KKK off of his property and promise to kill every last one that came back. SO YES,I AM BLESSED; GOD WAS WITH MY FATHER AND HE DIED AT THE AGE OF 81, NOT AT THE END OF A ROPE BUT AT HOME IN HIS BED WITH ALL HIS CHILDREN WITH HIM. MY FATHER WAS A MAN, AN EXCEPTIONAL MAN. WHICH IS WHY I CAN'T STAND A SORRY MAN, NO MATTER THE COLOR, BE HE BLACK OR WHITE. Most Black men and Black women who spew hateful things about other Black men and women are only hating who they themselves are. Maybe they had an abusive, sorry father, or a mother who was less than what they wanted her to be, maybe she was on welfare or was fat, or did not have lots of money, whatever it was, GET OVER IT! GET OVER IT! Stop hating everyone else for your own self hatred. Just look in the mirror and ask God or whomever you believe in to help you. Help you stop hating yourself and others. Although, they don't realize it, much of what they say is a really big indicator of how they feel about themselves. Any wise person who has just half a brain would get as far away as possible from someone like that. They are just a BLACK KKK, FULL OF HATE. AND HATE IS A CANCER AND CANCER KILLS. RUN FROM THEM AS THOUGH THE DEVIL IN HELL HIMSELF WAS CHASING YOU, BECAUSE HE IS; HE WILL INFECT YOU WITH HATE ALSO. Because if you hate yourself, there is not a White man or White woman on the planet that is going to make you feel better. When I hear Black men and Black women say stuff like " I don't date any Black men because they are(fill in the blank), I know right away that no matter how pretty, rich, sexy , fine, built, smart or savy they think they are, they are truly full of self hate and I pity them. I have more RESPECT for some of the people on crack than I do for the bunch above. Some, so-called "CrackHeads" were staring down double-barrel shotguns against racist sherriffs, the KKK,police officers, and injustice in hiring, courts,etc. during the turbulent 50's, 60's, 70,'s, 80's, etc. just so that you could have the freedom to talk about how much you hate the Black man, the Black woman, Black children, Black anything. Why don't you talk about how you hate injustice, racism, murder, child abuse, poverty, starvation, and many other wrongs? Because when you hate yourself, you are insane and don't have a rational view of life. TO THOSE INDIVIUALS: You will always be the SELF-LOATHING, PATHETIC HATER, you have been for your entire life. You may even go to your grave full of hate, never knowing love, true love and that is very, very sad. Although you will pacify yourself into believing that you love your White or Black whatever, be careful. And to those of you who allow them to play mind games with you by thinking that you are somehow better, remember that what comes out of a person's mouth truly reveals the heart. If the heart poison against a whole entire race, what makes anyone think that that person is capable of loving anybody. No forgiveness, no love, no good thing to say about anybody in their entire race---that person has a sick mind and is dangerous and maybe mentally ill. Now don't confuse that with someone who says, I have nothing against Black women but this woman or this man that I have now is wonderful but just happens to be White. That's a healthy assessment. To the sane and insane alike, just remember, out of chaos comes order. WE HAVE NOT RACIALLY ARRIVED, BUT WE HAVE RACIALLY GROWN. And! Not because we have OUR BEAUTIFUL, HANDSOME, SEXY, INTELLIGENT, WONDERFUL, MAGNIFICENT, FINE, DELECTABLE, (and on, and on and on) Black President, people voted for him because they knew we as a country were being flushed down the toilet by the last President, George W. Bush and Company. So, all the sane, rational, intelligent people who wanted to try and survive a little longer voted their good sense. ( I LOVE BARACK) (SMILE) ANYWAY, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO GET SO LONG BUT, HEY I'M REALLY FEELING YOU, Y'ALL AND THEM. THANK YOU GODIVA61 JUST KNOW THIS: TO THOSE WHO THIS SHOE FITS, BE VERY, VERY, VERY GLAD THAT YOU ARE SAFELY WRITING ALL OF THIS NEGATIVE STUFF WHERE YOU CAN HIDE IN YOUR HATRED AND NOT BE DEALT WITH BY ME AND PATHETIC COWARDICE BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE LIKE YOU COME UP IN MY FACE WITH THIS MESS, I DEAL WITH YOU AND I DEAL WITH YOU SO THAT YOU DON'T COME UP IN MY FACE WITH THIS KIND OF MESS EVER, EVER,EVER AGAIN. YOU CAN LOOK AT ME AND WHOEVER I AM WITH BECAUSE WE WILL LOOK GOOD, BUT DON'T STEP TO US IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM NEGATIVE. DON'T DO IT. BECAUSE YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH AND YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT!!!
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godiva61 says:Posted: 21 May 09
To Mr. Menelik Charles, I have to say that I am very surprised that you answered and even more surprised by your response, but of course I am wrong about the tone that is reflected through your writing. You are right, you have always been one of the few men on here that is open minded, truthful, and not remorsely bitter. I'll make this "easy" for you, you are right about everything so now you can say yet again, something derogatory, and condescending about black women. You can go to sleep tonight knowing that as always, you are right, and there is no need for improvement or enlightment in your life. Please, by all means, reiterate to the world that you have dealt with ALL Black women in this world and you are an expert on this subject. I'll take the responsibilty for your anger against all black women. Wrong, there I go again, you're not angry and bitter to all black women, just the ones that, well you can fill in the blank. I came in peace to you, not in anger and no panic. I'm still panicking, I don't know why I'm in a panic state of mind maybe it's because you said so , it must be true. Did I leave anything out so far? Please let me know so that your continued uplifting, and positive dialogue about black women can continue. Whatever you need in order to continue with this mission of yours, please let us know. I am sorry that I forgot my place by trying to have a decent, intelligent and honest conversation with you, I should have known better, please forgive me. I do apologize for that Mr. Charles. What does the Apology say about black men in general? It reaffirms my position on NOT STEREOTYPING NOR GENERALIZING BLACK MEN. I'm assuming this answer is not adequate enough for you, so I will apologize for sticking to my beliefs, by not generalizing black men or any man for that matter. I thought we were all unique, more importantly how I interpet something, may be totally different than someone else's interpretation. Again, as I said on yesterday if these behaviors do not describe you in any way shape or form, then why would you take it personally? I would think and hope that your confidence and your self esteem and your identity would not be straddled on the fence of someone else's words and opinions and it would definitely not leave you with doubts or questions, or second guessing yourslef as a man and what you stood for in this life and especaially with your decisions. I am not that fragile. I guess the only person that could truly answer your question(s) about his motives, and ramifications of his words that were in the apology, would be the man who actually wrote it, so maybe it would be a good idea if you found the author and directed your questions/concerns to him. I know that sounds really plain and logical, but it usually works. When you really want to know something, go staright to the source!!!! Which brings me to my one and only point and that is, how could Ms.Aaziah or any other woman for that matter answer questions about someone elses behavior? That is the only reason why I responded. Why is it that the very behavior that you have denounced, and despise that has been directed to you, you in turn react and act in the exact same manner? As far as your comment rgarding the prom, and you want to know what I say to your answer about going dutch.. The answer that would have been appropiate and showed integrity on the male part would have went something like this " I would love to escort you to the prom but right now I am not in a financial position to do so". That doesn't mean that she wouldn't have helped, it's no reflection on his finances, no bashing him, it was simply the rude and crast way that the asnwer was given. It's not always what you say but how it's said. Some of us still use and expect certain manners to be portrayed at all times. The braces was a minor point wherein I was physically trying to portray her, maybe I didn't do a thorough enough job for you but it doesn't change the fact that he did not want to interact with her because not of the braces, but because she didn't fit his ideal of what a young black woman should look like and yes he's black. He referred to her as an "oreo" and why, because she is a stright A student, who dresses like her mother, and not some video chic, she likes classical music but in his eyesight she is not black enough. This is the part where you can justify his behavior and turn it into her fault, after all she is black.. Last but not least I am sorry that my attempt to have a dialogue with you has offended you in anyway, that was not the intent. Contrary to your belief, I am not your enemy, neither are all black women. I have said on numerous occasions that I despise sterotyping regardless to who does it. You can call it generalization if you like but it's all the same to me. I have no ill will towards you at all. I did not assume the worse in you, actually quite the opposite, that is why I made an attempt to talk to you. If I had already assumed the worse in you, I would never had tried to reach out to you. I am sorry that you misinterpeted that as well. When you assume, you don't need to ask. Unlike yourself I do not feel that all the readers are sitting back in judgment, everyone is unique and interpet such on many different levels and with very different mindsets but if when someone feels the need to judge me be it favorably or not, I am not that fragile whereis I would fall to pieces and start with the many questions. My soul and my character is in tact. I am sorry too, that three questions that I asked would make you feel that you were being patronized, especially with you having two children. I came from a family and an environment that often posed questions, not to be patronizing and definitely not to always be answered, but it was a way of getting us to think about who we were at the moment, so that we could be better prepared for the future and whatever came our way. I say this with the utmost sincerity, that patronizing you with those questions was not my intent. I don't know what else to say about that because this is the first time in my life that I heard this type of response to those three questions. Thank you for your time and I give you my word that I wll not intrude or disgrace you by any attempt to have a dialogue with you. I am sorry for the inconvenience that I have caused you.. love godiva61
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malarki5 says:Posted: 21 May 09
godiva61 asked: Do you think that it’s a possibilty that this apology was compiled from MANY WOMEN, with different backrounds and experiences, and the author just compiled all answers into one read? Menelik replies: Then why not have the ONE Black man apologising to the ONE Black woman? Why is a single Black man apologising for a horrible litany of sins against countless numbers of Black women? What does this say about Black men in general? Are we all prone to commit the acts described in the "apology"? godiva61 asked: You come across very sarcastic at times...The reason being that some of the statements that you have made in the past against black women, does not apply to me. Menelik replies: "Sarcastic"? You may interpret my tone any how you please. But statements against Black women...when, where? Evidence please. Godiva61 asked: (1) What should the young black woman, who is a striaght A student... that has braces in her mouth, how should she react to the young black male, who won’t date her because she is not hoochee mama enough and she don’t look , dress, and act like girls in the videos? Menelik replies: The fact she is a straight A student is not the issue. That the young man does not consider her a suitable date because she wears braces is the issue. She will, like young people in a similar situation, react with grief. Godiva61 asked: (2) Better yet, what would you say to him? Would you come to her defense? How many young black men have you mentored and try to show them and guide them in a different way? Menelik replies: The young man made a choice which had nothing to do with race. I would comfort the young lady. She could be my daughter after all. godiva61 asked: (3) What would you say to the pretty black girl who ask’s the young brother to her prom, and he in return ask, if she is going to pay for everything? Menelik replies: Go dutch! That said, both sexes usually assume men will "pay for everything"! What do you say to that? godiva61 asked: (4) What happens to the young woman who...spends her time working two jobs, going to school, and her boyfriend instead of working with her, wants money to buy Timberlands and live for the moment? Should she keep supporting him or move on or as some men have said “abandon” him? Menelik replies: Leave! But that is often easier said than done. godiva61 asked: (5) What would you say to the young man who already has one child but keeps making babies with different women? It takes two.. If she’s not responsible, then why can’t he be? Menelik replies: You don't say whether he wants more children! If he's determined not to then he won't! godiva asked: (6) What would you say to a man who refers to black women as whores, nappy headed sellouts, white ass kissers, etc? Should you step up to the plate and say “no man this is not acceptable behavior”. Or do you just look the other way? Menelik replies: I have told the man in question that such language is counter-productive on a number of ocasions. godiva61 concludes: I’ll leave you with the three questions that my father would ask me when I came to him with a problem or needed some guidance.. 1. What role are you playing? 2. What are you prepared to do? 3. What behavior are you willing to give up to make it better? Thanks for listening love godiva61 Menelik replies: Quite aside from the questions above being totally irrelevant to anything I've said, some people would consider them extremily patronising when asked of an adult male with two children! But hey, I answered pretty much all of your questions and (1) without assuming the worst of you (2) minus the Zen-like contempt and over-the-responses (3) without panicking like hell because someone has the audacity to question your position, and (4) without seeking to over-power you like some malevolent spirit. I will depart the stage on the present subject and allow the readers to judge the nature of myself and of those who've responded (but not answered) my questions. Menelik Charles London England
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godiva61 says:Posted: 21 May 09
To Maidinheaven, You got it going on!!! Thanks for sharing!! Love godiva61
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godiva61 says:Posted: 21 May 09
Ms. Aaziah, Good to hear from you and by the way I appreciate the compliment. Just speaking from the heart, you know the saying "out of the heart, the mouth speaks"... So you are new to the site, "Welcome". It's not a bad site, many opinions, and experiences, and that's a good thing. However, just like everywhere else in life, you have the few undesirables, and the typical ignorance, just ignore them. These types are here solely for some type of validation for their lives and will say any and everything because they are so desperate for attention and in order for them to "feel", good about themselves, they come here for the sole purpose of putting people down. I call people like that "the walking dead"!!!! How sad and lonely it must be for such people to go through life with no love, no self worth and the realism, that from the very beginning, starting from birth, that nobody and noone valued your existence by showing you unconditional love. Their presence here, no matter how grotesque, can be a constant reminder for you(all) to know "just how blessed you really are". You know you have a good and meaningful life, when other's "embrace" you and not "repel" you"!! The majority of the people here are good natured and have redeeming qualities and noble characteristics. Ignore the ONE or TWO idiots.. You'll see who they are really fast, they are that transparent....... You are a very beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit. It is my pleasure as always to apeak with you. My nature is to nurture and to protect. That's why I intercepted the ball and ran with it. You were the oldest, I am the youngest who was always treated like the oldest. Keep smiling and know that " I am my brother's keeper"! (In this case my sister's keeper) Love to all men and women, regardless of your skin color, who have the soul, and the heart to "uplift" and not "tear down"....... For those who don't, you will be our inspiration to work even harder... So roll the dice and take your chances but you will not win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amen!!!! Love godiva61
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Austrian says:Posted: 21 May 09
Dearest Katlu8984 and maidinheaven, how CONSTRUCTIVE your comments are!! They prove that the environment has a great impact on children. You grew up differently, yet with great values. Unfortunately, not every child has this chance, however there are a few, who despite their 'bad' backgrounds, have the ability to free themselves from their negative past. ADMIRATION FOR THESE PEOPLE! By the way, any anthropologist will agree, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS RACE. The Human race has always instinctively been motivated to strengthen its species. And this was done by MIXING. Look at all the successful SMART, HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL people world wide. All African-American people in the U.S. are mixed! Keep your heads up high and appreciate each other!
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Member says:Posted: 21 May 09
I read all the comments here. A truce is out of the question. I speak for myself and some black men that agree with me. All the comments indirectly attack black men. It's always " Oh Laurelton you and "those black guys" are angry and you don't want peace. Where was the sympathy for black women losing their homes due to foreclosures. Supposedly by the same white folks they trusted. Where was the sympathy when your white colleague kept their jobs and they let "you go". This whole dating thing is just a symptom of self hatred that black women suffer from. When has loving your race become "hating other people". I don't hate anybody. I only hate those that bash my race. I don't care if you watch the nightly news and they show a black face on television doing something negative everyday. There is a reason why they don't show negative things white people do. White people call the networks and say "listen" the media is biased blah blah. Thus you don't see much negative things white people do. Why they never cover my niece graduation from a college? Why they never cover black men "doing the right thing". My attitude is going to be the same. You don't have to like me. You can dodge E Harmony because "some white men disrespect you". You won't confront them. Instead you will say " Girl go to other sites". Race will always be an issue until you reach your grave. Even if I am not around to say it. By the way, I hope they gave you some jello and pudding World Citzen. Nursing homes are rather nice nowadays. That's me, I never sold out. I never said anything to anybody that didn't have it coming to them. Why don't you beg for peace with white men that openly dislike you. Have websites like Stormfront with thousands of members on it. You go bow down to them. Go preach that we all one race to the choir. Nobody really believes that shit. For all that talk, I rarely see white people move to a black neighborhood. Yet they preaching to me on here how "they hold hands with black people". No, you with a black woman for sexual purposes. You don't care about her culture or her black male family members. They are too stupid to see that. When has a white man ever asked his black girlfriend about her ancestry. Ask her where her grandparents from and their traditions. It's all racial harmony until you ask them. "Hey would you go to a black neighborhood". Then you hear excuses and "yea if I really had to". Look for my new post on Mr Laurelton Queens blogspot. They don't want me hear for a reason. Black women need to stand up and realize what is going on. Instead of giving into being lonely and desperate. When it is all said and done when that white man leaves his family won't remember you. You will just be some "black girl" he was with. I am out.
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Aaziah says:Posted: 21 May 09Godiva61 I adore you! Thank you so much. You have, yet again- said a mouthful! And, in doing so, relieved me of the desire and especially, the NEED to respond to Sir Charles! I enjoyed ur response ! Very pleasant, informative, balanced, thought provoking and on-point! The post I shared was an apology from one man to black women! I shared it for the purpose you described. A truce! Im new to this site Godiva61- and I feel like a baby member with the big sister protector! (I'm the oldest who always wished I had a big bro or sis!) Also I thoroughly enjoyed and agree with ur comments on religion. I've neva believed that things are all bad- but People like u restore my faith in mankind! Ur sew kewl!
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Maidinheaven says:Posted: 21 May 09
Black men are not my enemy nor am I their enemy. Slavery is a huge factor in Black relationships and regardless of whether the Willie Lynch Letter is an authentic writing, it has factual, applicable truth in it to this day. Fortunately, my father was a strong, Black man, and single father of 5 (3 girls, 2 boys) who took great care of us. We were never raped , beaten or mistreated by him. He had White friends (true friends) who to this day are still involved in our lives after over 35 years. LOVE! HONOR! COMMITTMENT! FRIENDSHIP! These all supersede race. But most people don't ever truly possess or experience these qualities. SELF-HATRED is a hard burden on one's spirit and they so easily blame everyone around them for their hatred of others. It's very hard for some to look and mirror and see the real problem: themselves. I meet men in Black and White who have wonderful qualities and character. I can't stand a sorry man no matter what his race may be. Feminism, drugs, population explosion, economy, and government are just some of the factors that have affected the lives of all peoples on the planet. I DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR YOU ARE, IF WE CAN CARE FOR EACH OTHER, TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT, APPRECIATION AND ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY, I WILL WELCOME A RELATIONSHIP.
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katlu8984 says:Posted: 20 May 09
In reading the article and your comments, I have once again had to take a very hard look at my personal character. I was raised by my caucasian mother and stepfather (who adopted me and always treated me like his own), my biological father (a black man) has never been in the picture. I was raised in an upper-middle class community where there were very few people of any color. However, the people of this community were kind and generous and my color was seldom an issue. I didn't gain any real exposure to the black culture until college. For the most part, I was shocked and saddened to see the amount of dischord in the African-American community. In high school, I had a couple boyfriends (always Caucasian) and a multi-racial couple was never an issue. I ended up going to a college where there were decent population of African American students and it wasn't until I went there that a black student blantently came up to the table I was sitting at with my boyfriend at the time and told me that I needed to date within my own race. The best thing I could think of as a comeback was "which race?" However, this young man's comments made me spend a number of years thinking if I was really at heart somewhat racist and a bad person because I preferred to date white men. In the years since I have met many black people whom I am friends with and have a deep respect for. I think in the end it is taking a good, honest look at ones self and deciding what honestly turns you on and what you are comfortable with. If you are happy, who cares what the race is of the person you are dating?
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godiva61 says:Posted: 20 May 09
To Mr. Menelik Charles, Greetings to you and yours. I come in peace and playing the "devil's advocate role". I hope that what I am about to say to you will be taken in the appropiate content, which is an observation and non judgement towards you. I come in peace......... I am wondering if the "Murder of a Black Woman, the Apology has angered you in any way? Is it the title or is it the entire content that has offended you? I don't like to assume, so that's why I am asking... Do you think that it's a possibilty that this apology was compiled from many women, with different backrounds and experiences, and the author just compiled all answers into one read? Also do you think that some of these statements, could possibly be from both men and women? I don't know about you but I am curious as to why the author felt compelled to write this. The main reason why I am curious about the author's motives is because I'm wondering if it was his/her way of starting the process to perhaps healing the wounded, both male and female. I'm hoping that it was not an intentional act to malign, and to anger some black men, besides if one has never acted in this manner, why would he be upset? It is in my opinion that in order to heal, come to an understanding, and most of all, not to continue to indulge in negative behavior, we have to acknowledge the pain of the past and try to move on from that point on. Also just because some behaviors we can not relate to on a personal level, that does not mean that others can't identify and relate. I also think that part of the problem simply may be in the wording. You spoke earlier about "single, versus plural", so maybe that the wording is, and can often be a minor setback to the reader(s). Now on a more personal note, and remember I'm coming to you in peace(smile). I'm wondering, are you a married man? Are you a happily married man? The reason why I'm asking is because it doesn't appear that you are on this site to look for a possible mate. I could be wrong, and if I am I will accept you correcting me in this matter. I'm just somewhat curious about people who are on a dating site, who seem not to be interested in actually dating. I'm also extremely curious as to why that some people who frequent's this site and are anti interracial dating, why are they here? By no means am I implying that you fit this criteria, I'm just wondering, and I'm very, very curious as to their alterior motive for frequenting this site.... To me that's the equivalent to going to the grocery store to get gas for your car. Maybe it's me...... Some things that you have said in the past about black women has been very negative and somewhat in a hateful tone. You come across very sarcastic at times. Sarcasm is one thing bitterness is a whole new ballgame. Now before you get defensive, I want you to know that your sarcasm and bitterness has left no hardship, anger or resentment on my part. The reason being, that some of the statements that you have made in the past against black women, does not apply to me. That's not to say that you have never encountered such behavior, it simply means that I can't identify with your stereotype(s) of black women so such statements are no hardship for me, but at the same time, they are at the least, very unfair. Why do I say that? It seems to me that the catalyst that kept the racial divide alive and well in this country, was the catalyst of STEREOTYPING. Let's be honest here, both you and I know all to well the ramifications of STEREOTYPING.. I know you reside in England. Were you born and raised in England, or are you one of the ones who decided to leave America and live abroad? You have often skirted around the sterotype of the black woman who goes for the thug and are materialistic etc, etc, so I'm just wondering where did you live at the time of these encounters? I can see it in America, but not in England, but again if I'm wrong, then by all means , please correct me. America is made up of many people, with many backrounds. You can see this from state to state, city to city, neighborhood to neighborhood. My point is not everyone has the same backround and most people have a tendency to imitate and inspire to be what they see, hear, and reflect on a daily basis. "When you know better, you do better"! Perhaps it's safe to say that these very women that you have come to despise, and now stereotype all, knew no better because that's all they knew. That in itself is very sad, but what's even sadder is that not only did they not have better, or were inspired to be better, they now have a small group of people who focused on their flaws so much that their flaws and behavior has been the driving force to STEREOTYPE and the "official theme" for why black men want and desire only-non black women. Last but by no means least. For every question that you asked of Ms. Aaziah, these same questions could be asked of men in reverse. However I firmly believe that I have no right to expect you Mr. Charles to answer on behalf of all men. Since these behaviors are not of your doing, why should I expect you to answer for such behaviors nor should I assume, depending on your answer, or not answering, that you posess the same mentality as others. It's not fair, just, or productive when this is done, regardless to who is doing it. I understand that the constant hate stares, etc can be annoying but my question to you is this "If you really wanted to know why this particular black woman was giving you and your's the evil eye, why not go and ask her"? We can not begin to answer as to why people behave in the manner that they do. I know that I don't have those kind of powers, if I did I wouldn't waste it on such behaviors. I'd make sure that noone was hungry, or homeless....... Would it be fair to ask you the following questions and be expecting some answer? I'm going to ask you anyway, I don't expect or need an answer, I just would like for you to find it in your heart to just think about these questions. I'm hoping and praying that in the future, you will have no need or desire to keep asking these same types of questions to anyone and that you will be totally happy and satisfied with your own personal choices. What should the young black woman, who is a striaght A student, who just won a four year scholarship to Johns Hopkins University, that has braces in her mouth, how should she react to the young black male, who won't date her because she is not hoochee mama enough and she don't look , dress, and act like girls in the videos? Better yet, what would you say to him? Would you come to her defense? How many young black men have you mentored and try to show them and guide them in a different way? What would you say to the pretty black girl who ask's the young brother to her prom, and he in retun ask, if she is going to pay for everything? What happens to the young woman who wants so deperately to get out of her environment, spends her time working two jobs, going to school, and her boyfriend instead of working with her, wants money to buy Timberlands and live for the moment? Should she keep supporting him or move on or as some men have said "abandon" him? You made mention about the women who have unsuitable mates but have more than one child with different men. What would you say to the young man who already has one child but keeps making babies with different women? It takes two.. If she's not responsible, then why can't he be? What would you say to a man who refer to black women as whores, nappy headed sellouts, white ass kissers, etc, etc etc? As a man would you, should you step up to the plate and say "no man this is not acceptable behavior". Or do you just look the other way? How many times on this site has that ever happened, and you never said a word? You know who I'm talking about, we all do. I just refuse to contaminate my computer by typing his name, but you know who I'm talking about.... I have never known you to dismiss his behavior, at least not publicly. Do you condone that behavior? Or is it easier for you to look the other way... "When we don't stand up for something, we will lay down for anything"!!! I'll leave you with the three questions that my father would ask me when I came to him with a problem or needed some guidance.. 1. What role are you playing? 2. What are you prepared to do? 3. What behavior are you willing to give up to make it better? Thanks for listening love godiva61
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malarki5 says:Posted: 20 May 09
Aaziah posted: The Murder of Black Women…The Apology: (1) I murdered you many times. Still, you didn’t die: not even once. I apologize for abandoning you and leaving you to fend for yourself in a world as cruel as it is cold. I should have supported you when you offered to be a part of the struggle. (2) I hated the way the System divided us by promoting you and demoting me, but instead of uniting with you and having your back, I attacked you and left you alone in your grief. I apologize for flaunting white women in your face as soon as I got money or fame. I was suffering from a mental illness. (3) I apologize for calling you a “%&@$!” and a “hoe” and treating you like a sexual object in my music, and in the streets, and amongst my homeboys. I felt powerless and frustrated, lost in maze of self-hatred. I raped you, and pimped you and beat you, and cursed you, and tried to destroy you in the same way I felt destroyed. (4) I apologize for cheating on you, abusing you, and leaving you as soon as you got pregnant. I pretended like the child wasn’t mine. I even asked you to kill the baby because I knew I wasn’t responsible enough to rear him/her properly. When you refused, I reluctantly tossed you a few dollars each month and felt like that’s all I had to do to be a father. I apologize for turning you into a single mother instead of a happy wife. (5) I should have treated you like the queen that you are so that other black men wouldn’t be falsely accused of my emotional crimes. I murdered you many times. Still, you didn’t die: not even once. I apologize for encouraging you to be materialistic. (6) I fooled you into thinking that the measure of a man was in his bank account or in the size of the knot in his front pocket. You jumped into the front seat of my Lexus, happy because your friends were now envious of you, as we both sped down a dead end road at one hundred miles per hour. As a result, many black men who didn’t own a Lexus were ignored and even dismissed by you I had you believing that your love came with a price tag. (7) I apologize for the late night booty calls. You wanted to talk, to cuddle, and to explore the depth of my character. I only wanted sex. I called you when I was horny and only reached out to you when I saw that you were slipping away. (8) When wise sisters told you to raise your standards, I persuaded you to lower them. I had you thinking that you had to have a man, any man, to be complete. And I apologize for that. I murdered you many times, sister. Yet, incredibly, amazingly, you didn’t die. Not even once. And this serves as the ultimate testimony to your true greatness! Menelik responds: Notice how “the murder of Black women” is referred to in the PLURAL while the “apology” is delivered by a SINGLE Black man? A single Black man confessing to murdering Black women “many times”, and causing them a bewildering catalogue of individual and collective suffering, as though seeking to cleanse a bestial soul. Here’s was I wrote in its entirety: (1) I wonder what mothers would say to their sons and daughters whom they’ve apparently chosen to have with ‘unsuitable’ mates? (2) And what would young Black men say to the sisters who over-look them for thugs’ i.e. ‘unsuitable’ men and end up with children from multiple fathers? (3) What say mothers to these fatherless children, sister friend? (5) What does the ‘good’ Black man who ended up with a non-Black woman when a sister gives him hate stares on the street, at the club etc for simply being with her? (6) Sisters have had their chances and umpteen choices and they have simply blown them to pieces! Now what do you say to that, sister friend? The two questions I didn’t ask you were these: (1) why was the mass suffering of Black women reduced to the rampant activities of a single Black man? (2) Do you know that when I look in the mirror I see a single Black man…myself? Now what was so offensive about any of these questions, Aaziah? Moreover, I accused you of committing not a single sin against Black men (plural), and yet your response has been nothing short of disproportionate, confused and disappointing. Not least because you come across as they very thing you claim not to be i.e. an angry Black woman with Zen-like contempt and a monstrous intolerance for anyone who contradicts your point of view. Moreover, your deification of Black women (plural) absolves them of any responsibility for their personal or collective condition (please re-read “the murder of Black women”). The opposite of deification is bestialisation and this status is bestowed upon (guess who?) the Black man (singular)…the street loitering, mass murdering, raping, baby-making, absent father. The “apology”, therefore, was nothing short of the Black man’s “confession” of intrinsic savagery and evil. For Heaven’s sake, Aaziah, the Black man (singular) is even held responsible for Black women’s (plural) being overly materialistic! Something doesn’t add up here! Aaziah said: You omitted the last paragraph, which most educated people say, sums up your entire piece! No prob, here it is… “Sisters have had their chances and umpteen choices and they have simply blown them to pieces! Now what do you say to that, sister friend?” Your final comment gave hue to the entire piece. Nothing positive asked! Degrading. And YOU feel I insulted you? Menelik responds: “Nothing positive”, eh? A single truthful statement consisting of 16-words, you find “degrading”? Are you serious, sister? Were not any of the questions asked relevant to a single segment of the African-American female population? Not one of the five questions? And was it really appropriate you should ‘answer’ them as though I was asking them of you personally when it was clear that I was not? I suspect my real offense here was in demoting Black women to the human realm by refusing to play along with the traditional racist notion of Black male evil. Much better Black women be deified like Jesus (to have sins committed against one) than be held PARTLY accountable for the predicament one finds one self in. That said, I cannot think of a better platform upon which to perpetuate a ‘blame the Black man’ ideology. On what other basis can Black men and women be seriously be considered “frenemies”? Menelik Charles London England Ps readers can google “Black Men Confronting Lies and Distortions” and read some of my posts during the month of March along with stuff by the blog host, Rocky.
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CHARLOTTE3 says:Posted: 20 May 09
Hello World Citizen, thanks for the nice comment. I had so much that I wanted to say w/o including that yes my parents had faith. They always spoke of the hate commited against Christ and learning that every living race has been a victim at some point; some more extrme then others. As a human being I will always have compassion for all. Like I said before this is something I teach my kids. Growingup in Texas,in a town deeply rooted with a strong African American past. I know a lot about my culture. My great-great-grandmother was the first AA in her county to become a millionare. I come from greatness,so I see myself as greatness. My father attend the viewing of Emmett L. Till. He spoke of what it took to keep the anger that he felt. It took his belief in God. I live to honor my parents because they walked the fire for me,they strived for me and it is only because their faith in Christ that they were decent human beings. I attend many of events with my kids and I see so many kids that do not have that purpose of in their lives. Love starts with ones self,identifying ones self comes first.
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Austrian says:Posted: 20 May 09
charlotte3 - Your family history sets another excellent example of people who have love and respect for themselves as well as others. Successfully, most of them follow the difficult, winding road thru life, by believing in themselves and their loved ones. At this point, I would like to bring up a delicate issue - not in mind to criticize anyone who is TRULY religious. There is so much prejudice when it comes to religion! You expressed your family's values, without leaning on religion. It may also play a role in your family, but you rely firstly on yourself. This is the key to an open minded view toward all mankind. As for instance, Islam is the largest world religion. How can anyone in his right mind claim THEY are all 'different and bad' ? In another blog someone recently claimed: I AM EVEN CHRISTIAN - as he thought he may get more acceptance by the readers. Hitler was Christian, Christians went at each other's throats in Ireland, many wars were blessed by christians, I myself am a Christian. Does being CHRISTIAN make 'everyone' a better human? I just brought up this issue, because DECENT HUMAN VALUES exist all over the world, regardless of religion, nationality or COLOR as most of us know. We all have good and evil within us and I believe, there is MORE GOOD, otherwise the world would be even worse. The GOOD IS TRANQUIL, the BAD IS OBNOXIOUS. The media reports more of the latter - we must not allow to be brain washed. All of you world wide INTERRACIALLY positively thinking people, be blessed by our STRONG UNITY!
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Member says:Posted: 20 May 09
I have really good white friends, but I absolutely love BLACK PRIDE. And it's not discrimination, it's preservation; because with things "better" nowadays it's not so much cultural exchange as it is assimilation, choosing a side. At this rate I can definetley see us becoming like the American Indians. Not even allowed to teach thier own language on the reservation (shocking I know, Bush overuled the effort to make it mandatory). I hear too much cr@p about problems in the black community and black women and men passing sterotypes, about themselves, WTF?!?! I absolutely recommend that all the black people stereotyping themseleves take an interest in our legacy, essence, how we've improved and what good we have going for ourselves. Go to poetry and jazz clubs, listen to good music from when black men and women used to love each other with soul and passion, get some insight from the greats (Maya Angelou, etc) and you'll realize that their is something to preserve. There is nothing wrong with white culture, but the thing about culture is (esp. with TV dictating how we should think) everyone ends up thinking the same way, and this is why its possible for a whole race of women to think that being a size 0 is most important, bulimic or not. Outside perspective is good and diversity is not just about having different shades of skin. P.S. If I wanted to see different races of people speaking and acting the same way I'd go to England, lol. It's especially shameful when 1st generation immigrants don't pass on their culture, sometimes diliberatley. Friend of mine, both parents speak spanish but conciously made an effort not to teach him, because they thought he'd associate himself with latino thugs (WTF?!?, self stereotype), sent him to private school and everything. Shameful!!!
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Member says:Posted: 20 May 09
Everybody just shut up with the politically correct bullsh^t and the love-love bullcr$p. FACT is that there is a MASS population of non-whites that say "THIER IDEAL PERSON IS WHITE" and think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this statement. And then CONTRADICT themseleves in the same breath by saying they're open to everyone, but they "just happen to love whites". Like this preference is nothing more than liking the color blue. IDIOTS!!!! We human beings are COMPLETELY discriminatory creatures and even having a favorite color can be traced psychiatrically to a reason/history behind that preference. You might as well be a woman that says she's not gonna date, talk to, or even use her periferals to look at a man who makes below 'X' amount of money. IT IS EXATCLY THE SAME THING. I CANNOT stand black women who sound like Paris Hilton or black men that sound like Al Roker and then you find out they're from Compton. That rings false and NONE of you should defend that!!!!!! If you have to ASSIMILATE to date someone, don't expect me to respect that your opinion on interracial relationships. IF YOU'RE GONNA BASH YOUR OWN DON'T COME ONLINE AND EXPECT PEOPLE TO BELIEVE YOU HAVE GENUINE REASONS FOR DATING OUTSIDE! For anyone of you responding please don't try to convince me of how genuine your cr&p is! I cannot refute it and it's more like you're doing that for self justification. Find out about yourself first! P.S. Black people are not the only ones with this problem, as a matter of fact Asians (esp women) and Latinos don't even hesitate to assimilate. We are, BY COMPARISON, very strong about holding onto our culture. It just burns me that white people get to see everyone else fawning over them, it's shameful!
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Single_in_NJ says:Posted: 20 May 09I've read a few of the postings and although some have validity, I believe it's just individual issues for what ever reason(s), past and present. Yes, there is a difference dating women who are not black. I could probably write a book based upon my own PERSONAL experiences but why? I don't really care any more. I will date who I want and do so with pride. I'm here on the site because I've dated "other" women and see the differences. Do I like those differences? Yes! Am I still interested in my black women? Yes! It's just difficult now because I've experienced women who've been into me for me and not what I have. All of the non-black women I've dated just wanted to be loved and respected/appreciated. Wow! What an interesting concept? It was for me. I'm sorry to say, that is, from MY EXPERIENCE, a rarity in the black women I've dated or known. So, when I do meet a black woman that I may be interested in, sadly enough, I end up comparing her to "others" I've dated and give up before I ever really try because I end up seeing things that I'm NOT going to tolerate. Why do so if you don't have to?
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Tiiz says:Posted: 19 May 09Wow. This conversation has really gone down hill. If the question is ARE we divided: Read the above responses...YES. If the question is WHY we are divided: It's complex and there are several reasons. 1. Every one wants to deny a problem exists. Can't fix a problem that everyone denies. (AA rule #1) History is irrefutable & #s don't lie. 2.He's blaming her and she's blaming him. The answer: It's NOW both! 3. The Black family is not seen as a goal: Unfortunately, the #s don't lie. 70% of black fathers are NOT in the home...so of course whatever the offspring are taught...will be skewed. Whose fault is that? 4. Media continues to raise children w/o role models in their lives. The I want to be a rapper, basketball player, video girl syndrome is the fastest and most glamorous line of 5. Why are black women at the crux of this issue? They are raising MOST of the Black children and they should do it without bias. Both factions are responsible for being irresponsible for creating life outside of a loving family. It's not the ONLY way but it's the proven healthy way. 6. If we travel forward from slavery (b/c people have a hard time relating) we come to the industrial age when BLACK men left homes -- does it affect today's family...YES. 7. Are Black women angry at White women? If so, feelings are misplaced b/c they see their ideal situation dwindling in front of them. It is instinctive to preserve ones way of life in all cultures. There are 300 million Americans only 35 million are Black with slave heritage. Split that in 1/2 (for argument's sake). That's 17.5 million each. If over 1/2 of those women are single and over 1/2 of the men are w/o other races, jail, gay, etc. etc. What 1 man means to our race and culture is very different than what it means to the 270 million other people. We are becoming extinct...and Black women have recognized this. Then it's a matter of numbers and reality...not b/c Black women hate other people but their instinctive nature to preserve who they are. Do the math. Being proBlack does not make me ANTI-any other race. If put in certain circumstances and other races are an option. I would choose love. But...avoiding my own race is not an option (this is what many are guilty of and when we should have a problem - especially your own race). Why race...b/c man has always found a way to find groups to which he can relate and protect himself. This is instinctive as well. Humans will be humans.
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DianaVreelan says:Posted: 19 May 09
I'm wondering sense this is a interracial dating site, why should we care or even concern ourselves with the problems of black on black dating. Most of us are here to escape the problems of it. we are here because we oppted to date outside the race for what ever reasons. Let's not harp on black men and their issues why should we even care? Its now the problem of someone else. I want to deal and help Black women with their ability to move in a new direction dating Others, where we might find a measure of fairness, and happiness and peace.
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2Sexy4MyAge says:Posted: 19 May 09*****KNOW THE TRUTH AND IT WILL SET YOU FREE**** ***that means*** ******KNOW THYSELF****** OKAY......HERE I GO AGAIN...........SLAVERY IS A PURE "MYTH"..... IT DID NOT HAPPEN. I KNOW THAT 99.9999% OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE AND IN THIS COUNTRY BELIEVE IT DID.IT'S A FRAUD AND A "TOTAL MISREPRESENTATION" OF THE FACTS.YOU HAVE TO BEGIN YOUR VERY OWN RESEARCH. I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT,THEY TAUGHT ME THE SAME THING.MY FAMILY TAUGHT ME DIFFERENT (In 1981 we trace back our family a little over 200 years)AND THE BRITISH TAUGHT ME DIFFERENT.The NATIONAL ARCHIVES IN WASHINGTON D.C. BACKS MY FAMILY HISTORY. NOW PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SCHOOLED IN THIS NONSENSE AND HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO USE SLAVERY AS A "CRUTCH TO LIFE" IN THIS COUNTRY. one clue: "WHY WOULD SOMEONE WHO DON'T TREAT YOU RIGHT..........TEACH YOU RIGHT. Go to the NATIONAL ARCHIVES AND PULL OUT COPIES OF ORIGINAL DOCUMENTS AND GET CERTIFIED COPIES OF THE TRUTH. If you are really interested in the truth,you will have to hurry.These documents are constantly being removed without being returned,by who? The ones who don't want you to know who you are. You know....I was not going any further.But DEEP INSIDE SAID, I'VE GOT TO NOT LET PEOPLE HANG,AT LEASE NOT LONG..... ********FIND THE ANSWER****FIND THE TRUTH****** 1)John Hanson... first BLACK PRESIDENT OF THE CONTINENTAL U.S. OF AMERICA, 1782; 2)JOHN HANSON.....PICTURE IS STILL HANGING IN STATUTORY HALL IN THE WHITE HOUSE. 3)John Hanson.....Promoted GEORGE WASHINGTON TO GENERAL. 4)There were NINE PRESIDENTS BEFORE GEORGE WASHINGTON. 5)FEDERAL LAW.......U.S. IMMIGRATION AND NATIONALITY ACT OF 1862, states"FREE WHITE PEOPLE DOES NOT INCLUDE CAUCASIONS.(Guess who were called white,;)Also check out Blacks Law Dictionary 4th Edition. WHY IS IT.....That if BARACK OBAMA was born in South Afica,by same parents, under Botha rule, he would be considered 'WHITE,' but born in this country he is considered "BLACK".Are you beginning to see the fraud. Why is it....That the English, Germans, Italians, Irish when they came over as slaves or free they are still called English Americans, Italian Americans, etc.But the so called blacks are given so many names,ex. Black, Negro,Coloured,Afro-American, now African American.Now his-story is now being adjusted according to the lies.I wonder WHAT THEY CALLED JOHN HANSON BACK IN 1782 WHILE HE WAS PRESIDENT. PEOPLE......Are known by their NAME and NATIONALITY.Their LANGUAGE from their NATION and their flag from their LAND.There is no place call White land nor black land,nor caucasion land, these are all given slave names.In your black or white status you can never own land.A Deed does not convey land, it states that you are a slave and cannot own land only rent from the masters.LAND PATENT GRANTS AND ALLODIAL TITLES CONVEY LAND.Thats why when the so-called blacks (CHOCTAW TRIBE,Chocolate people,BLACKFOOT,etc)moved of the reservations and into the cities looking for work and and enticed to stayed. They were given many benefit not to go back.Now you (so called blacks)are not sovereign on your own land, now you lose your BIRTHRIGHT.REMEMBER Joseph with his coats of many colours, thats the so-call blacks with their many names.You are what your ancestors were, that can never change.You can only have ONE true nationality, like everyone else. 6)SLAVE SHIPS....IN 400 years during the so call slave trade, how come there hasn't been any (NO) SLAVE SHIPS FOUND off the eastern seaboard,only spanish galleons with gold.What happen, there was no storms,no hurricanes only BEAUTIFUL WEATHER for 400 years. 7)SLAVE SHIPS.....THERE ARE NO SLAVE SHIP(S)or even a piece thereof in any museum in the country. BEAUTIFUL WEATHER. 8)ALEX HALEY in the 1980s....was sued and paid Harold Courlander $650,000 for plagiarism of his NOVEL "The African" Federal Judge Robert Ward who presided over the case, protected Haley's reputation by urging Courlander to be quiet of his large settlement.Ward thought that Haley had become "TOO IMPORTANT" to the black people to be torn down in public. I think he was protecting and did not want to bring down the whole education Institution and all the other CASH COW institutions that are systematically benefiting from this total social fraud. 9)AFRICAN....Talk to just about any of the africans from the West Coast of that continent, about the 12 million,50 million or 100 million people that were taken off that continent, according to which book or documentary you read.......and their history does not recall any of it.Even thought they can recall their history going back 4000 yr. 10)Black History......questionably lasted 400 years,with the total of 12 million slaves and took 4 to 5 months depending on weather{beautiful weather}(as reported by PBS)being bought from Africa to America.In order to solve the issue we need to do math cause only math makes sense.We know that one + one =two.In the majority of the his-story books the date of black slavery started in 1690.So lets start the equation. First we divide 12 million African slaves by 400 years, which comes to a total of 30,000 Africans per year;d divide by 12 months for a total of 2500 Africans per month.How ever, PBS on-line website reports,"each slave ship could hold a maximum of 222.2 Africans, plus a crew of 75 armed europeans on a 7 month journey. I estimate the journey to come out to 88,880 African slaves in a four hundred year period.Clearly this does not add up to 12 million by the 1900's.Since math is the only thing that makes sense these numbers do not add up to what the european history has presumed, therefor this HISTORY IS INCORRECT. ******THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE****** EVEN THOUGH DEGREES FROM COLLEGES HAVE BEEN SYSTEMATICALLY ENTWINED INTO THE VERY FABRIC OF OUR SOCIETY,THEREFORE NEEDED TO A GREAT DEGREE TO PROGRESS THROUGH PROMOTIONS WITHIN THIS TOTAL INSTITUTION.I AM VERY LEARY OF PEOPLE WHOM HAVE DEGREES ON ANY SUBJECT AND HAS BEEN BREEDTH TO RELAY THE FRAUD AND THE LIES WITH B.S=B*LL SH*T,....M.S.=MORE SH*T,....and PH.D=PILE HIGH AND DEEP. AT THE SAME TIME,MOST ALL..... ARE NOT AWARE, THAT'S JUST THE WAY THEIR LIFE IS. PEACE BE WITH YOU......ALL .......WAYS I LOVE ALL PEOPLE...... Do your own research....... let your inner self, guide you to that TRUTH
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charlotte3 says:Posted: 19 May 09
I am a African American woman. My mom is Czech/Black she was raised in the 50's. My dad was African American born in the mid 30's. My grandmother was Czech. The reason I put this out there was because with all this history,wisdom and pain. My parents managed to raise 8 children with these values;love,respect,kindness. Even though my mom was treated cruel by whites and blacks because of her skin color she still had love for her fellow man. My dad whom served in the Korean War could still recall being taught not to talk back to white men had no hate in his heart. My parents had this one thing;they had a respect for all people. We were taught to respect all.Blacks were not the only race to suffer slavery and mass destruction. We were taught to respect the pains that so many differnt groups suffered,Jews,Indians etc. Learning about differnt groups and cultures is inperative to finding ones self. So with that being said,I can never hate a black man. I do reserve the right to dislike people whom are evil spirted and negative,which resides inside any race. I do not like being but in the box labeled Black Women that are Mad at Black Men for dating White Women. My best friend is hispanic. I have two sister-n-laws that are married to my brothers,one happens to be white and the other is hispanic. I love them for who they are which are women who have made a promise to love,honor my two African American brothers which I love dearly. I raise my three children the same as my parents raised me.(2)I call myself a strong black women for a number of reasons; I'll try to make this short: Being able to raise kids to become humble,respectable,hardworking people in this day in age has the word STRONG written all over(DO yall have any idea what young people in these days face) OMG check out your schools!!! The ability to rise to the occassion when life doesn't go as planned,ablity to never give up on a dream or give in to the simple,never being a follower strived to be the leader of me. Ablity to remain positive when negative may had been the easist. I am STRONG and I happen to be a black female. This is short,no really this is half of what makes me Strong. If you get caughtup in the media youd probably think all black men were drug dealing thugs,and all white men were child preditors that swing both ways. You would think that all black women were caring Aids and were loud,opionated,whores,you'd think all white women liked dating black men,were airheads,had breast inplants and were golddiggers. Well if you have this idea about a paticular race then you need take a good look at yourself and find out what and how did you grow to learn to think without stepping outside your box. Seek to understand. Treat others as you would want others to treat you!!!!!
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godiva61 says:Posted: 19 May 09
To Aaziah, Thanks for the response and yes your feedback is welcomed at any time....... The anger that I was speaking about was in reference to the questions that was asked of you after you posted The Murder of a Black Woman. It seems to me that those questions were asked with a somewhat angry tone, maybe I misread it.... No I never sensed any anger coming from yourself.. How and why should you be expected to answer for someone else's behavior? It was not you who gave the angry stare.. Can you honestly answer why a black woman or any woman for that matter chooses her mate, be it a so called thug or a CEO? Again the anger that I perceived was not from you but from the reader who responded with the questions. I agree that one needs to reevaluate his or herself as often as needed. You can't grow until you know, knowledge is power, and power is freedom. Take care, talk with you soon. godiva61
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Aaziah says:Posted: 19 May 09
Godiva61 You also wrote: "One of the questions, about what to say when you get the hate stares, why can’t a man or a woman go straight to the source and ask? That is if you really want to know. Since it was not you that gave him the hate stares, why ask you? Why should this question/ behavior be the burden of all black women? Is this behavior only coming from black women? No definitely not!" Thank you for saying this in a way that I could not! I sometimes dont realize how tired I am of having to explain ALL black women/people to black men & white women! I also realize that taking on that role has an adverse affect on me. It's a huge responsibility and often rarely compensated! I dont want to come across as angry,but I am fiercly passionate and protective of the group in which I belong!. I am a true humanitarian,by every sense of the word and What keeps me invested is the desire to understand and to possibly be understood. Thanks again for your comments! I respect and appreciate your experiences and candor. Aaziah www.Twitter.com/Aaziah
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Aaziah says:Posted: 19 May 09
Not angry at all, Godiva61! I have a much wider range of emotions than the stereotypes of black women suggests! But anger isnt the only emotion that should propell us to look(in the mirror) at ourselves! Ive known this and have practiced this for auite some time now. But thanks for the feedback. I hope my own feedback is also welcomed. Another Gem: *We measure in order to learn and we use what we know in order to measure.
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godiva61 says:Posted: 18 May 09
To Aaziah, Thanks for sharing The Murder of a Black Woman. It was poignant, and well written, it made me think but it also made me sad that this seems to be the summary of feelings in 2009. I grew up in the 60's as well. On the day that Dr. King was murdered I was 7 years old. At first I didn't know what to think, nor at seven years old can you really appreciate the significance of such a tragedy. I was scared by the rioting, burning and the sadness that surrounded us. The one and only thing that was comforting in addition to my parents and my immediate family, was the manner in which our community held close to each other, and the spirit and determination that was echoed "we will rise above this". Who would have thought that over 40 yrs later, that there is such a divide, and such animosity towards each other? History has taught us and/or tried to convince us that it was James Earl Ray who pulled the trigger that killed Dr. King and that he acted alone. That in itself is an ongoing debate and I expect it will always be arguments about a conspiracy or no conspiracy on both sides of the fence. I wish that I knew the answer but it really doesn't matter because the end result will still be the same. There is however, one aspect that is true and that is, even if James Earl Ray was the lone gunmen, there was another element that was behind the scenes, who may not have pulled the trigger, but they have blood on there hands as well, and they just like Ray, some of the blame is at their doorstep as well. With that being said, it is in my opinion that the friction between black men and women dating and marrying non-black should not be entirely on the doorstep of black women. At one time we had relationships together some still do, and also relationships consist of more than one person. If you are willing to take the credit when it's going good, you have to take your share of the responsibility when it's not going well.... I feel that the questions that was asked of you were viable, yet they seem to have had such a negative tone. However I could be wrong. My first and only husband was black, he is now deceased. It was a great relationship in the beginning but as time went by, it began to get ugly. I stayed, perhaps longer than I should have but to me committment is everything. It was ugly, hurtful and quite unecessary but you know the old saying "that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger". He did get the chance to apologize to me before he died, and I'm grateful moreso for him than for me. So now when I hear these generalizations and stereotypes towards black women, from black men, it makes me very sad and a little angry. I went above and beyond the duty of being a great wife, not a perfect one and what I got in return from him was unjust and so unecessary. What I have never did in spite of these circumstances was to "Stereotype and bash black men because of his actions". I never have and never will!!!! I only wish that we could be extended the same courtesy. By no means am I saying black women don't participate in this behavior because that would be a lie, there are a few who do, and it's wrong. It's wrong on both sides of the street!! My father, my uncles my brothers have fought the stereotype mentality all of their lives and they have scars and wounds to prove it. I don't think it's just or warranted for us to continue to stereotype each other or anyone for that matter. Too many sacrifices, wounds, scars, lynchings and deaths in the past dictates and demands us not to do the very thing that reslulted in such demise and tore so many familys apart. One of the questions, about what to say when you get the hate stares, why can't a man or a woman go straight to the source and ask? That is if you really want to know. Since it was not you that gave him the hate stares, why ask you? Why should this question/ behavior be the burden of all black women? Is this behavior only coming from black women? No definitely not... The other day I was going in the grocery store with my 85 yr old mother. I was literally behind two ladies, who were white. In front of them was a couple, a black man and a white woman. He held the door open for his wife, he held the door open for the two women in front of me. Did he hold the door for my mother and I? Absolutely not! He actually let the door go as I extended my hand to keep the door from closing in my mother's face. Is it all black men responsibilty to provide an answer for why he would do such a thing? Absolutely not!! This is not the first time that I witnessed this type of behavior and I'm sure that it won't be the last, but in spite of this, I HAVE NO RIGHT OR DESIRE TO STEREOTYPE AND BASH ALL BLACK MEN FOR A FEW ACTIONS!!! I have other, many examples of how either myself or other black women have been treated by black men when they are with their non-black mates and I'm sure that they have stories that they could tell as well. The bottom line, it falls on both doorsteps!!! So for every question that was asked of you, the same question could be asked in reverse. Thanks for the time that you took to share your words, I appreciate it. It was meant to enlighten and not to anger. I guess if it angers you then maybe you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself, why? Look forward to hearing from you.. Love to all
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MmJay says:Posted: 18 May 09
Mexcubana make that another thousand years instead of 100. I concur with your assessment. It is essentially the dame ideaology that the supposed Hoax I was refering to. No matter what the source the ideas and concepts are the same. This will go on for the next several generations. Would you or wouldn't you agree Mr Not True?
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MmJay says:Posted: 18 May 09
Mexcubana make that another thousand years instead of 100. I concur with your assessment. It is essentially the dame ideaology that the supposed Hoax I was refering to. No matter what the source the ideas and concepts are the same. This will go on for the next several generations. Wouldn't you agree Mr Not True?
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 May 09
More reason's I didnt answer ur Q's how you would've liked- but commented on ur comment... Im not da mother of a son, but Ive got 2 grand sons Im not a young blackman & I neva dated thugs Im not nor have I eva been a mother to a fatherless child/ but my adult daughter is a widow w/3 children, all of which who read 3-4 times above they're perspective grade levels, Daddy & Momma black. Also,I dont know ur defintion of a "good" black man. but Ive neva hate-stared black men w non-black women Maybe you should ask either your mom or your wife/woman's mom these Q's.
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 May 09
You omitted the last paragraph, which most educated people say, sums up your entire piece!No prob, here it is... "Sisters have had their chances and umpteen choices and they have simply blown them to pieces! Now what do you say to that, sister friend?" Yes, you BEGAN asking Q's & ended with this comment! Following ur comment asking me, what do I say to that?! So- That's what I did! I've said what I wanted say! And Im notgoing to go over it again with you Malarkey. ok? Your final comment gave hue to the entire piece. Nothing positive asked! Degrading. And YOU feel I insulted you? So, sensitive, huh?! (dont wory Im not yelling at you! I like large type!) YOUR NEED TO KEEP YOUR READER FROM KNOWING HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT BLACK WOMEN (or what u look like!)... "Oh, and I’m not sure you do know how I feel about Black women..." ...IS EITHER A MERE ADOLESCENT ATTEMPT TO FEEL SUPERIOR or YOUR THE ONE WHO WANTS TO ARGUE! So, we're supposed to guess how you feel about us?! We're supposed to care? Your just one man, hunee! Your ego is further than you are! I am not upset none-the-least! So, dont play that angry black woman stereotype on me. I'd have to care about you personally to be upset, bro! But, I did the opposite- the last comment you made- I set it aside, casting it off as a-man-in-process, hopefully progress. I entered and exited my responses with light-heartedness and humor! And, now you want to change lanes?! You want me to know you elsewhere? Away from your questions and comments? You wanna hide, huh?! LOL Let's stay in THIS LANE! Show ur face, are you married?! Unlike what you may think, I dont need to know who you are. Ive shown myself, HERE! Your a man, a good one, right?! Not married? Show yourself here!
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 May 09
@TRUTH I'd like to go on record by saying that I've neva dated a white man. Don't know any thing about what a white man smells like when he sweats! Neva needed to! Luv Black men! and they love and respect me, ALSO! I neva went thru that thug phase, but I agree with you abt some of the young girls- not all! Im a child from the 60's So- I admired the THUG (AS IT WAS DEFINED IN THE 60'S= ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT) in Malcom X! MLK! & the Black Panther Party! Shooooot, I remember thinking, Patty Hearst- that lucky &%!@#*! Thats how much I love black men! **Not black MALES... BLACK MEN! I've only dated and loved black men. I Lke this site for several obvious reasons. Although I am Black, Sioux and Irish- This is THE 1ST TIME IVE EVER DESCRIBED MYSELF AS BI-RACIAL. I'm from CLEVELAND! ~and I ain't even mad at Terrance Howard! My brotha from Cleveland and his non-black ex-wife! You know why? Cause he's still a black man! You don't have to totally assimilate to date, love or marry outside of your race! If someone has too, is it always the so-called-black man? Why do you have to totally assimilate? Well, Terrance Howard didn't- he is still a black man and loves black women inspite of his curret status! And you best believe, his white woman will nott slip and call HIM A nucka! No matter how mad she gets! Charles Barckley is another blackman in this light! However, the jury is still out on Mike! :) But, I aint mad at cha, Mike! LOL
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malarki5 says:Posted: 18 May 09
Menelik asked: I wonder what mothers would say to their sons and daughters whom they’ve apparently chosen to have with ‘unsuitable’ mates? What say mothers to these fatherless children, sister friend? And what would young Black men say to the sisters who over-look them for thugs i.e. ‘unsuitable’ men and end up with children from multiple fathers? What does the ‘good’ Black man say who ended up with a non-Black woman when a sister gives him hate stares on the street, at the club etc? Now what do you say to that, sister friend? Sister Aaziah said: (1)BTW I have NEVER given hate stares to a black man with a non-black woman! Please believe me! I am so sincere. (2)I am not any of what you wrote. I am nothing like the black women you’ve described and your gonna have to take my word for it... (3)What you asked doesnt apply to me and it doesnt apply to ALL black women, so why should I DIGNIFY your QUESTION BY ANSWERING THEM, point-by-point?! Menelik replies: Wow, you do take matters awfully personally, don't you? No wonder you get soooo upset! Please, do read what I wrote again and you will understand that they were QUESTIONS NOT STATEMENTS! Oh, and I'm not sure you do know how I feel about Black women but your comments are a decent shot at: (1) not answering my fairly objective questions, and; (2) trying to get me embroiled in a pointless argument. I have not attempted to assume the worst motives about your comments, I merely asked a few simple questions which you appear unable to answer. You made not a single point as regards my original questions (as we can all see above) you merely insulted me and cast me in the role of 'frenemy'. I guess, however, that answers the question posed by the present topic lol Email me@ menelik@btopenworld.com...and I'll show you who I am
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Aaziah says:Posted: 18 May 09
@ malarki5 I did answer your questions! Just not in the way YOU would have liked. Point by point. I am not any of what you wrote. I am nothing like the black women you've described and your gonna have to take my word for it, just like Im gonna have to believe your a real black man! (no pic) -minus all of the stereotypes that are also placed on you! What you asked doesnt apply to me and it doesnt apply to ALL black women, so why should I DIGNIFY your QUESTION BY ANSWERING THEM, point-by-point?! It's not like it's gonna change your mind! IM SOOOO OK WITH YOU FEELING THE WAY YOU DO ABOUT BLACK WOMEN! It doesn't change how I or how other black men feel about me or us! WE'RE STILL HERE! You didnt respond to my points, EITHER, just the malarkey comment! I guess that beats showing your face! :)
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