Warning: This post may be offensive to some readers. This is not the objective. The post is in no way meant to defame or inflame any parties, groups or persons. It is simply meant to find out what people think about black white dating.
In a bid to explain why Black women get upset about Black men dating White women, Chris Rock in his latest stand up comedy says all Black men have done is exercised their option. He goes on to say Black women are angry because they are not attracted to white men so they can’t exercise their option. All they can do is sleep with “pretty white boys” but generally, black women are not attracted to white men.
In my opinion, the above statements suggest Black women only date interracially out of desperation. In fact, most Black men believe so. And the finger pointing between Black men and Black women never ends. I don’t think this is the case though and frankly, I have never understood why Black men and Black women have to come up with such crude and prejudiced remarks while trying to figure out the reasoning behind their counterparts’ dating options. YES! Options.
What do you think of Chris Rock’s theory?
Tags: online dating, asian white dating, interracial relationships
Popularity: 24% [?]
Wow this is popular topic! To ensure the page loads in a reasonable amount of time, we are only showing the most recent 200 of 552 comments
Comment by godiva61 on 28 June 2009:
To: World Citizen,
I was praying that you had a safe and pleasant trip, thank GOD.. Thank’s for letting us know that you arrived safely.. Wow, 102 degrees, that’s too hot for me, is it humid as well? Drink plenty of water…
I also want to take the time to apologize for the blatant disrespect toward’s you, the nursing home remarks, and the derogatory reference to your age. I went to a memorial service on yesterday for a Marine who lost his life two year’s ago, his birthday was on yesterday, and had he lived, he would have reached the age of 21. I know that he and his family would have loved for him to reach the age that you are now, so to mock someone who has been blessed to reach a certain age is “foolish”. The ALMIGHTY want’s you here, so that within itself, is a blessing, and it’s all the more reason why you should be respected!!
As a child growing up we were taught to “honor” the elder’s in our community. “Honor thy father and mother” was not a sentiment restricted to our parent’s, our immediate family, but to ALL who were older than ourself, be it teacher’s, crossing guard’s, the mailman, if they were older, it was no other option but to “respect” these adults. I guess the rules changed along the way… As a mother, I would be very OFFENDED and ASHAMED if my son behaved in this manner. One of the compliment’s that I have received consisitently over the year’s, is the compliment of my son’s manners and respect of adult’s, I am so proud of my son!! He had a wonderful role model, my late husband… Again I apologize for this behavior toward’s you. Just know that you are loved, and respected, my dear sista…
Enjoy Texas!
love
godiva61
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 28 June 2009:
Dear World Citizen
Please disregard that apology by that woman. She does not speak for me. I stick to every statement I have said about you. I don’t care about all that other stuff she brought up because that has nothing to do with me. I don’t have to explain why I dislike anybody. The nerve of somebody to make accusations about me feeling that way about all senior citizens. The funny part was, she never said she was a SENIOR CITIZEN. Where did citizen say she was old?
I can’t deal with food groups that project their misery and anger unto other people. How the fuck you bring up a Marine as to imply something by saying that. My cousins are all Marines. This is an old lady visiting Texas so don’t speak for me. I am sorry for your loss but you crossed the line with me.
I didn’t even speak to you. That is real low to bring up a funeral. What are you trying to do exploit people to make yourself look good? I had close friends die in the military and I don’t go around bragging about going to funerals.
You are disgusting individual. You respond again I will go out of my way to hurt your feelings. I am trying to be nice. You got me mixed up with the other people you run your mouth too and then apologize to. Go twitter you went to a funeral what that has to do with this topic.
Comment by tatted2death on 29 June 2009:
LMAOOOOOO……oh yeah, L Queens has always tried to be “nice”. Making up stuff about people he doesn’t even know..LOL.
AND ONCE AGAIN…..he let’s his agenda slip(”you respond again and I will go out of my way to hurt your feelings”)…getting caught up in the emotional side of it all???…I understand. You say you don’t make things personal but I KNOW (more than likely) the main reason you are on this tirade is because of something VERY personal that was probably done to you. You keep using the same “SAD” tactics to try and “hurt”…..LOL. We all see and know your intentions here and we are NOT afraid of you and anyway, shape or form.
See, people when you have someone that starts issuing the “threats” online. you know they are revealing alot to you. You don’t have to ask certain questions..AND you know that they are the one “running out of things” to say…sad really.
I mean, it is really obviously sad that this individual attack world citizen because she has connected with some of the women of color on here. Yes, I have had issues with white women (I actually have touched on that topic in another blog here, but I have had issues with women of color as well…..pfft) but that does not negate the fact that I can recognize a like-minded human being and feel an affinity for that person. Us connecting had NOTHING to do with him….sounds awfully ARROGANT AND SELF-CENTERED. Is anyone surprised??..lol. This woman (who at whatever age appears to be a beautiful human-being) came in here interjecting some wisdom and some insight ….AND IT WAS REALLY NEEDED. BALANCE IS ALWAYS NEEDED….(unless you prefer chaos…..and I know that there are those out there). Those of us that prefer a little order have enjoyed her as a ray of sunshine in the midst of the storm. Does that mean any of us is afraid of the “storm”…..ummm….HaiL NO!!!! I say “bring it”….(if that is even possible online….LOL). You even try and hurt me….YOU HURT YOURSELF.
L. Queen, if anything you are the one who is over-emotional here and maybe you are even crying in the corner over the fact that the majority of the women here DON’T fit your stereotype (especially when you leave the superficial crap out)……SORRY.
My (non-rhetorical..lol) question to you is why aren’t you on the boards where you said all this started????…where the women are actually fitting your theory?? You will claim you were “blocked” or whatever……but I tend to think you might have ran. Because as you claim there are SOOOO many “sellout” women out here…ever thought about seeking the REAL ones out???? (PROBABLY NOT….and I KNOW why….again sorry…but you KNOW what time it is as well) Maybe, just maybe, it is time for you to re-evaulate why you are doing what you are doing. IF is to promote yourself then I guess you have already sold your soul and there is no appealing to you. IF it has something to do with your past then maybe you need to take a break from your “mission” and delve into that. Not asking you to concede (as if this really is a battle….LOL…Am I offering a “truce”…NO, because I am NOT at complete odd with this dude and his views…..HE KNOWS THIS ALREADY..LOL)…just take a step back and try and view this from another angle. I am NOT begging anything of you….because what you do ultimately effects you…..and ONLY YOU.
YOU have painted the your own self-portrait with your own words…..and just as with any work of art, the views of it will be as varied as the people observing it. But I think the majority of people here (and anywhere else you choose to be as disrespectful as you have been here) will agree you need to redetermine your tactics……AND THAT IS ONLY IF YOU ARE NOT HERE FOR SOME SORT OF SELF-PROMOTION….because if that is the case I suppose you are doing right by that decision and as I said before, “BRING IT!!!!”(lol…..I’m sorry….but the whole online “gangsta” mentality is SOOOOOO humorous to me).
Yes, HE is running out of things to focus on when all he can do is go on and get all verklempt about someone MENTIONING a memorial service as if that was the main point to that post….OH WELL (looking at my watch….LOL).
Peace and Blessings as always
tatted2death
P.S. There might be those that dispute the relevance of this post….yet not only am I addressing one I am providing a perfect example of a WOMAN EXPLORING HER OPTIONS in here. Some of us have opted to ignore L. Queens….and that is fine. But I am chosing to face him head on…..answering his queries (that he usually ignores or twists beyond all recognition…OH WELL) because I understand the nature of why he is here (whether it’s the self-promoting deal or otherwise).
Behind all his rhetoric is something much deeper (or not) and that is what makes this interesting to me.
Comment by tatted2death on 29 June 2009:
LOL!!!!!…..I’m sorry…I am still laughing at that one comment…(”I mean, I try to avoid the conflict but I keep getting dragged back into it.”)….like he’s the Godfather or something….LMAO….the hits keep on coming!!!
Avoid conflict, huh?….I thought you were all about “the debate”????….(tick tock tick tock..kind of reminds me of the TELL-TALE HEART….lol…time to look under the floorboards.)
Peace People
tatted2death
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 29 June 2009:
Let me address the rest of the people here and the “tattooed” one. Once again I try avoid conflict. I am all for a healthy debate. The reason I reprimanded one of the sellout black girl is for her trying to exploit the troops to make a point. Normally I would just leave it alone. This particular person just rubs me the wrong way for some reason.
The “Tattooed” one she is alright with me. She just seems a little desperate throwing herself are certain men in this room with failed success. When I point that out I need a counselor or “mental help” because I have the audacity to say white men pick black women last.
By her own admission she agrees with me but has a problem with my approach. Perhaps if I took her to dinner and explained it better she would understand. My aggressive nature has nothing to do with being “gangsta”. Some black women only understand aggression.
I told the tattooed one that my blog explains everything period about me. You mention I am arrogant. No that is strictly confidence. I never made one excuse in my life as to why I wouldn’t date a black woman. While you make every excuse in the book for white men. After your comment you made in a previous post about “As long as I am picked”. I knew you had some weaknesses in your personality.
I have never ran from anybody in life. That goes for the internet and off the internet.
I walk the walk and talk the talk. By the way a majority of sellout black women fit the profile that I have given them. It is very rare you will find a sellout black woman that does not bash black men.
In the tattooed one case, she likes black men so I don’t even know why she is arguing with a blog legend like myself.
Everybody about me self explanatory on my blog. I am tired of addressing desperate sellout black women about my persona. Stick to the topic.
http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
I am gone
Comment by _Legion_ on 29 June 2009:
Tatted:
I could only respond in this way since I am not a premium member. Not trying to tell the world, but this was the only way to communicate….and btw, you got my reply.
Comment by LaShaz on 30 June 2009:
I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion. However I do feel some wome may feel that they no other option. I for example have a choice. I have choosen to date outside of my race not because I couldn’t find anyone, but because that what I am attracted to. you also have to keep in mind that chris Rock is an comedian, an entertainer. Some things he says may be true and other for show. So I don’t put much weight into what he has to say.
Comment by tatted2death on 30 June 2009:
Umm…..once again L. Queens IS CONFUSED…..I NEVER said anything like I just wanted to be picked…and this attempt to try and make me seem desperate…well, ummm…..anyone that has followed the blog knows better. Communing (or even “flirting”) with like-minded people is NOT throwing yourself at them…..ONLY A NUT-JOB would equate the two. Next thing he’ll be saying I am a lesbian for “being comfortable” with some of the women in here….LMAO!!! I am NOT here (as I have shown and proved already) to “be successful” at INTERNET DATING…..come on now. WE both have seen women on here that carry themselves in that manner AND WE both know I AM NOT THE ONE.
I am not here to necessarily “be alright” with anyone…..and I certainly don’t need anyone here to do anything for me to help me see their point….the point has been taken a long time ago. But why so sensitive about your persona???? You are in here attacking women of color over their dating choices…..You are all over the map (at times), with your subject matter yet you tell me to stick to the topic…LMAO. Dude, right now you ARE the topic…..sit back and let your ego bask in the glory….lol. You come in here and throw all your rhetorical questions out there, then when someone (probably me….LOL) answers them you conveniently twist it like a friggin pretzel. You say I have “weaknesses”, well right now the only one I really have is this possibly perverse curiosity to see how long you can put up this front (or “persona…..LOL…you remind me of those so-called celebs that get attention AND PUBLICITY but then complain when it does not “serve” them any more and they want to bitch about privacy and all manner of bull….THAT’S the price of FAME, BABE……LMAO). Like those celebs, I really don’t “care” enough about you to go digging to research anything about….SORRY.
You say their is no room to discuss persona yet you go on to call yourself a “blog legend”…..LMAO….OOOBEEEKAYYYBEEE.
ok you honor the fact that I date inclusively….then why am I (and more importantly, others here that do the same) repeatedly called a sellout…..AS LONG AS YOU CONTINUE TO USE THAT TERM FOR WOMEN THAT DO NOT DESERVE IT, YOU WILL HEAR ABOUT IT…..PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
See, the thing is I have a problem with illogic (NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SKINTONE MAY BE)…..FOR EXAMPLE, Legion says that he had no other way to contact/communicate with me YET goes on to say “and btw, you got my reply”……BUSTED!!!….YOU KNOW THERE IS A SYSTEM SET UP FOR REPLIES YET YOU COME IN HERE WITH THE BLAH-BLAH. This has happened time and time again because either NO ONE bothers to read my ENTIRE page or they are one of whom I described at the end. And I am not mad at anyone about this. But unless you are trying to prove something why would you come in a blog talking about what someone said to you in another forum or whathaveyou??? See, across the board (regardless of race) I have noticed this little trend where certain men “get off” on rejecting women EVEN when the woman makes it clear she is just admiring and leaving it at that.(i.e….not looking for him to be her man, sugar daddy, pimp, or any other sort of companion). You see these certain dudes tend to be the same ones that offline would be seriously flirtin their asses off with me…..LOL (believe me, it has happened)…AND THEN I have to be the one reminding them of the situation. These individuals have up on their profile that they are interested in “Friends” as well as a relationship but when you send them a NON-ROMANTIC flirt they get all nervous (like in high-school…lol) and don’t know how to react (seeing as how many of them probably don’t get ANY “flirts” from women…NOT because they are unattractive or anything…just people playing games online)….AND LIKE SAID BEFORE THIS HAPPENS REGARDLESS OF RACE……AND I JUST FIND IT INTERESTING AS ALL HAIL. (tee hee)
Maybe that is another one of my “weaknesses”….A LOW TOLERANCE FOR B.S……Lo siento.
Peace and Blessings, good people
tatted2death
P.S. YES…I agree with L. QUEENS….ONLY on his definition of a sellout. BUT he refuses to stick to this definition when addressing the women in here….wants respect without giving it…..lol.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 1 July 2009:
(Picking up my drink and watching Locked up Abroad).
Did you just lash out at Legion??? The white man might be interested in you.
Then they wonder why white men don’t bother even talking to black women due to the behavior of the “tattooed one”.
No, men have a LOW TOLERANCE of you and your “mood swings”.
How are you just going to blast a white man like that. WOW
Setting “an example with him”.
This is what I discuss on my blog about sellout black women. They think “punishing” you makes them attractive. Legion is too emasculated to respond back.
I would throw your “jiggly” body on the bed. Who are these white men dating you. Amazing.
I plan to release the “punishment doctrine” that black women do. Yea I made it up so what. It just hit home with this conversation.
Why a black woman got to punish you when they don’t get their way with their “wide back” and “ashy knees”.
My fiancee tries to do that too. I’m like that don’t work with me. She goes, I won’t make you breakfast! I’m like “oh no”(that is why there is Burger King and Mcdonalds). Then they say ” I won’t have sex”. I’m like we have lived together so long. I rather sleep and watch TV no big deal.
I am cover more this later. (Pointing to the tattooed one) Your temper tantrums are pathetic. I don’t know what is going on in your personal life that you lashed out at legion but it’s real sad.
Look for the “Sellout black girl Punishment Doctrine”
Comment by _Legion_ on 2 July 2009:
Mr. Laurelton Queens:
Just to clear this up. It was she that sent me a flirt. I kindly responded with a no/and good luck with your search. IDK where she was lashing at, maybe you see something I don’t. Anyway, I just wanted to reply so we both know where this situation came from….lol
Good Day
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 2 July 2009:
LOL Legion
WOW, she had people believing you was “all over her”. Amazing, what sellout black women will do to “save face”. Aw man, see I can RESPECT some white guys. They don’t get in the “back and forth” with black women. They just be like “ok” peace bitch.
Black men we always feel the need to put them in their place.
See, if she kept her mouth shut and not mention “names”. She wouldn’t have been embarrassed.
She is a real hater for real. She didn’t have to mention your name. Instead she mentions you so to scare off “other black women” from talking to you.
These black girls will never change.
LOL This is funny.
Comment by tatted2death on 3 July 2009:
(to all the other good people of this blog, I apologize deeply for the detour this has taken us on…but you know…..I must shovel the shyte out of the way so we can move on)
You are so right, L. Queens…..THIS IS HILARIOUS.
AND YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY THE PATHETIC ONE….trying to ride on an issue between me and Legion to further your weak issues. HE didn’t even see where I was really lashing out. Dude, this is the internet and miscommunication happens ALL THE TIME. I rarely see Legion reply in here so I had no idea where he was coming from ( I.E.what tactics he employs). I expressed what it seemed like to me based on previous experiences and instead of getting all emotional about it (like you do TIME AND TIME AGAIN….and I am the one with the “mood swings”???RIIIIIGHT….LOL), he corrected YOU…and let it alone. I can respect that…and wish him well in whatever he is looking for as well
I was not trying to “blast” him or any other such nonsense. I said nothing negative about his character (only that I did not understand the logic behind him replying in here when there is another system for all that). I went on to discuss the reasons why I almost hate trying to give these guys any sort of compliment. It is just obvious that either he did not read the entire profile or is not familiar with the system, is all. I might have misjudged he reasons for replying in here and maybe he got a little more understanding on how to use the system but I stand on everything else I said. And if you were believing that I was trying to inflate my own ego with all of this you obviously weren’t really paying attention to the exchange between Legion and I and you are as simple as I thought you were.
There was a miscommunication, he straightened it out and IT IS SQUASHED. I am neither embarassed nor crying over 1 (or even a 100) man “rejecting” me “online”. As I have said a thousand times I am not necessarily here for all that anyway. LISTEN UP AND GROW UP, L. Queens and stop trying to start school-yard fights over meaningless crap. THE PROBLEM IN HERE IS NOT BLACK MEN; IT IS YOU, L. QUEENS and your inabliity to look at anything objectively. You think you know the answer before it is given and when proven wrong you just ignore it…what a piece of work you are…LMAO.
as always…Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
P.S Legion, maybe I should have just told you I agreed with your sentiments directly in here…..but YOU KNOW WHO would have been all over that. Yes, instead I sent you a NON-ROMANTIC flirt (since I am not a premium member either) and this is where it got me….LMAO….OH WELL you live and you learn. Hopefully you have learned something as well. o all the other good people of this blog I
Comment by tatted2death on 3 July 2009:
But you know this has brought an interesting issue….
I have heard from other women (of different races, sizes, levels of attractiveness, SO KILL “THE FAT BLACK GIRL RANT”, Queens….LOL) how the internet dating world is such a trip (which is reason number one why I am not a fan of it) because people, in general, do not know how to handle themselves online. They tend to let all inhibitions (and manners…lol) fly out the window. I mean, what man would walk up to a woman and tell her, “No, I am not interested in you but I wish you well….blah, blah” simply because she might “wink” at him. COME ON. (Sorry, Legion….but our little misunderstanding does make for an interesting query). I think this may have alot to do with the confusion over who should ask who out. I mean, if a woman is interested in a guy (for more than just flirting purposes) she is probably going to much more than just wink at a guy (online…..this gets even more confusing). FOR EXAMPLE, if I were so taken by a guy that I was interested in him romantically (LONGSHOT HERE) I believe I would go ahead and pop for the membership so I could communicate with him properly….BUT MAYBE THIS IS JUST ME. I guess since I am not with the usual “game” that usually goes on between the sexes (online and otherewise) I am a bit of an oddball. I like to be direct and although I am not opposed to meeting someone from a dating site, I DO realize the different set of obstacles this can pose.
Ladies (and FELLAS….I am not leaving you out…LOL) can we delve into this please. At first glance this might seem to be off subject, but I think it is totally relevant. Due to the fact that many truly do believe “Black women have no option”, are we really letting that get in the way of our dating habits. There may not be many women on here really willing to admit to this, but I think that “virtual rejection” stuff might happen more often because certain men (especially those “new” to dating IR) just don’t know how to take it when they are approached online. Maybe they assume certain things that may not be true. And in turn, the woman gets a blow to the ego that makes her feel something is wrong with her or she is not desirable to ANYONE. And therefore is turned off (especially to IR dating) to the idea of approaching any man, for any reason. I could be off the mark here but I don’t think I am because I have witnessed absolutely gorgeous women (and men) feeling like they are unworthy and thus begin this ugly cycle of game playing (i.e. hurt someone else because they were hurt). I can’t really relate to this (because I wholeheartedly believe in the “Golden Rule” and “what-goes-around-comes around”), but I think I do understand. (So anyone’s theory on “punishment” can be burned AND buried). So some believe those women that rejected some guy back in high school started the cycle when it may have started earlier than that……WOW, how many guys have I seen with “mommy issues”. Others believe a guy has more power to kill a woman’s self-image. To that I inquire, “Then why is it called ’self-image’???”….YES, there are alot of women that need to grow up as well.
I would really like to know if anyone else here gets this or has even experienced it….honesty is freeing. (discuss amongst yourselves….LOL)
Peace and Blessings to ALL
tatted2death
Comment by Ichibod on 3 July 2009:
Tatted,
I agree wholeheartedly. Especially the ‘virtual rejection part’. You may have a black man who finds rejection a lot easier to handle if they know that a white or asian woman rejected them for reasons other than race on a site like this. Also, you’ll know who is more likely to date who reagarding race. Online, however, conversing can become hindered by typos, crossed messages, absence of tone, body language, and waitng for responses. Real world dating and internet dating both have their advantages and disadvantages.
For me, seeing and hearing how many black women wouldn’t be interested in me because of my race is sad and rejecting even if I’m not trying to holler, nor interested. Self-image is how you look at yourself and sadly what a person says about you can possibly cause a person to look at themselves in a bad way. It hurts to hear other races do it, but I can get over that easily. When black men do it, I look at it as jealousy and/or envy. When black women do it, I see it as my own mother not wanting me nor having concern for my well being even though I know my real mother does. It can still hurt and the ones that make negative comments either don’t realize what they are doing or they just don’t care.
Regardless of race, I don’t take rejection very easily… unless I’m know why and that being something that I cannot help.
As far as options, I think any black woman that doesn’t date black men is limiting her options. That goes for all races of men and women. We all have different preferences, so no offense. Just a thought.
Comment by _Legion_ on 3 July 2009:
Tatted:
IDK why this has to be such a huge issue. I am on this site because I know what I am looking for. In order for a white man to date outside for the first time, where else is he supposed to start. I gave you my response (kindly, not in vain) and you seem all blown up over it. My name keeps getting mentioned and it’s something I never intentioned. I have no point in arguing with people because I come in peace. It’s a waste of time & yours. It takes away the focus of what we desire here.
I apologize for mentioning your name here when sending a flirt. I made a mistake and it’s time to move on from it. Let this issue lay to rest so we both can focus on what we are here for. I have been denied here online, everyone does, but it does not affect me. I don’t need reasons why, if it’s not meant to be, it’s not a part of my destiny.
And yes I know how to approach someone here when I send/receive a flirt/message. If I find someone compatible with me, I take it as a blessing. I mean no harm when I deny someone. Everyone has their reasons for denying/accepting a message/flirt. I hope you understand a small portion of my point of view, and I wish you good luck and hope you find someone.
Good Day
Comment by _Legion_ on 3 July 2009:
Edit:
^^^^Receiving a flirt
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 3 July 2009:
(Reading everything)
Loosening my tie up
How the hell I get blamed for you lying about Legion wanting ” be with you so bad”. That is the impression you made with the Legion incident. He set the record straight and you are still trying to ‘act tough”. That has nothing to do with “other black women”. That has something to do with he wasn’t ‘feeling you”. Your little ego was crushed.
I don’t got to make you look desperate. Your own words showed everybody that. “Even” if Legion did not respond to you. You clearly came off “like your full of yourself”. I am surprised he responded to you in the first place. Now you lying to the public about not being “into” internet dating. You got cats lined up to see you. So let’s stop it already. You don’t fool me at all. I told you still mess with black men and I KNOW you won’t deny it loose booty!
You talking to somebody that has been cruising internet dating sites for a long time. You are trying to “save face”. Then you said you wasn’t trying to “blast” Legion. I think you are bipolar. You basically got mad because Legion “put it out” there you was offering up “your booty”. It’s all good baby.
I saw Ich comment about this. I would have to disagree with him. The ultimate insult is when a man does not want your booty. Apparently, that is what happened with the Legion incident. Men get rejected by women “all the time”. When it happens to a woman that can be “devastating”. They lash out like Tattooed one. She can barely contain her anger and embarrassment. Her little cute “chubby face turning red” with anger.
This is what she said about Legion AGAIN indirectly.
“I was not trying to “blast” him or any other such nonsense. I said nothing negative about his character (only that I did not understand the logic behind him replying in here when there is another system for all that). I went on to discuss the reasons why I almost hate trying to give these guys any sort of compliment. It is just obvious that either he did not read the entire profile or is not familiar with the system, is all. I might have misjudged he reasons for replying in here and maybe he got a little more understanding on how to use the system but I stand on everything else I said”
Why are you “hiding” in the first place? Just tell him “where are you” and say come see me. Your getting mad because it was “exposed”.
Look at what Legion said……………
Comment by _Legion_ on 2 July 2009:
Mr. Laurelton Queens:
Just to clear this up. It was she that sent me a flirt. I kindly responded with a no/and good luck with your search. IDK where she was lashing at, maybe you see something I don’t. Anyway, I just wanted to reply so we both know where this situation came from….lol
Man (looking at you), don’t try to double talk your way out of it. Ich is trying to “help you out”. He must feel “sorry for you”.
I use to date fat black girls. I don’t need to rant about it. Is Legion interested in Fat Black girls? He is not. So how you even directing anything at me girl. You said this
“FOR EXAMPLE, if I were so taken by a guy that I was interested in him romantically (LONGSHOT HERE) I believe I would go ahead and pop for the membership so I could communicate with him properly….BUT MAYBE THIS IS JUST ME. I guess since I am not with the usual “game” that usually goes on between the sexes (online and otherewise) I am a bit of an oddball. I like to be direct and although I am not opposed to meeting someone from a dating site, I DO realize the different set of obstacles this can pose.”
Longshot here???????????? you are a hater. So Legion rejected you, now every dude on here is ugly. Look at how you sound. You sound bitter. You are playing games by “ducking and hiding”. Doing your little “undercover” booty calls. Just keep it real with the people here. Instead of double talking your way out of everything.
You rambled on “changing the subject in your second post”. God you have issues. I like a woman with issues. I actually think that is sexy.
Let this be a lesson learned. You just spank crazy black girls like Tattooed one. I had my share of them. Can’t believe half the things they say. They have “entitlement issues”.
Where Godiva at, she left your crazy ass. So much for friendship.
http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
Comment by godiva61 on 3 July 2009:
To: Mr. Ichibod,
First off, I can’t conceive any woman rejecting you at all, not unless you snore very loudly(smile)….
Rejection can be devestating, period. Who in their right mind want’s to be rejected for any reason, but it happens, and unfortunately it’s a part of life. I think it’s even more devestating when it comes from the people within your family… There are not too many subject’s, or people, who can make me ANGRY but the one thing that irritate’s me most is when I hear a black man verbally degrade a black woman, and when a black woman, verbally degrade a black man. It’s not so much that it crushes me on a personal level, for me it’s more about the disrespect of the black men and women who came before us and oftened endured so much so that you and I could have a better life. I can relate to you when you said ” when black women do it, I see it as my own mother not wanting me or having concern for my well being”. Very Powerful Statement!!! When I hear negative sentiments about black men, I think of the time when daddy bodly stood in the face of racism because they did not want his little girl to play on the swings in a neighborhood park. He never waivered, and I got to swing so long that day, that Iactually got sick to my stomach. Daddy isn’t the only black man that I think of when I hear the bashing. There is another, who never got the chance to become a man, a young man named Emmitt Louis Till, what a story… When black men verbally degrade black women, I think of my grandmother who lived to be 105, and she went to her grave with a severely deformed left hand because as a young girl, working as a maid, she took a biscuit that was left over from the dinner that she cooked, the same biscuit’s that was intended for this family dog, she took the biscuit and her punishment was her left hand being held down over a fire.. When we reject each other, the rejection runs deep. I am so glad and proud to know that you have not succumbed to this behavior, there is hope..
As alway’s, thank’s for sharing!
love and kisses
godiva
Comment by godiva61 on 3 July 2009:
To: Tatted,
I’m still listening to the Rolling Stones, are you?? I just happened to breeze through and saw that you stopped by. I just wanted to say “hello” and to let you know that I was thinking of you..
I got stuck, I shouldn’t say stuck, babysitting the cutest set of twins today, and now I’m packing them up while they are napping, hoping mommy and daddy had a great date and will be coming to pick them up soon.
I’ll talk with you soon, after I regroup(smile).
You are awesome and I love you!! Maybe I shouldn’t say that I love you because we will be labeled as lesbians(BIG SMILE)…
love
godiva
Comment by Ichibod on 3 July 2009:
Godiva,
The one person I met on this site… had an issue with my snoring. It’s a new thing and I don’t know when and how it started but it’s beginning to concern me. That was just one of the few things why she rejected me. Anyway, Emmitt Till was a very heart-wrenching story. Especially when they wanted a closed cakset funeral and his mother said ‘No’ because she wanted the world to see what they did to her child.
It’s funny you mentioned the snoring thing, but my great-grandmother had a deformed hand, too. I was starting to wonder if we were related until you said she lived to be 105 yrs old, it was her left hand, and how it happened. My Big Mama was 86. it was her right hand, and she was burned in a house fire at 3 yrs old.
See ya!
Comment by LadyDee on 3 July 2009:
Chris Rock isn’t funny and he doesn’t speak for me.
I prefer white men any time any place. As for black men - you can all go be with white & non-black women. I certainly don’t miss you.
Comment by godiva61 on 3 July 2009:
To: LadyDee,
Just a little curious, how old are you? Having “options” to date/marry whoever one chooses is a good thing, however, I have to admit I don’t understand the rude, and prejudiced remarks, that some people feel they have to make in order to justify having “options”.. Men is plural, man is singular.. Furthermore, I think it would be best to choose your mate, for the soul that he/she has, rather than to look solely to the outward shell of a potential mate… There are jerks in every culture on this earth.. I have to be honest here, and I’m not trying to call you out, but here’s the thing, you have already called yourself out by the tone of your comments about black men, again, men is plural.. One last thing, when you go into a new relationship with any negative vibes, be it your ex, being selfish, verbally bashing black men, it does and will set the tone of your relationship, and you know that old saying “first impressions are lasting impressions”. I question people, both men and women who need to go into a interracial relationship, bashing and degrading their own, but moreso, I wonder what type of mentality and self esteem is going on with the one’s who actually listen to it, believe it and don’t check it from day one. Maybe it’s me…
love
godiva
Comment by mr john on 3 July 2009:
I totally agree with godiva comment .thank you finally someone that understands where im coming from.
Comment by LadyDee on 3 July 2009:
I’m a mature woman who knows what she wants - and doesn’t want. My preference is white. Did I say anything prejudiced?? I don’t want them - period. I don’t justify anything to anyone, do I have to? Question what you like - I know where I come from and I’m not going back. I don’t want men who do not want me! and I don’t have to have them! You can if you like.
I’m not negative to men that are not negative with me. I love myself and my sisters and don’t want us to be abused by black men that tear us down. They are grown men and can stand up for themselves without bashing a black woman. If I’m a so called sellout, consider me SOLD! no going back!
By the way honey, just where did I supposedly BASH black men in my previous post??
Sisters, white men do marry us. View picture after picture of beautiful black women happily married to white men here: http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/
Don’t let men tell you we are not desirable to anyone but a black man. It is untrue.
Comment by world citizen on 3 July 2009:
Dearest godiva61, ichibod, tatted2death and other good spirited souls,
HAVE A RELAXING 4th OF JULY and let us all be thankful that there is such a growing number of serous, loving, wonderful and interesting women and men, who consider themselves belonging to the INTERRACIALLY OPEN MINDED CROWD.
Presently, I am visiting my ‘BLACK’ son in sunny Miami Beach, which is FLOODED with couples of any ’shade’ combination.
tatted2death, you being ABUSED in this hateful manner is UNFORGIVABLE and SICK!!! - Such hate has ill roots! We are not able to cure this disease here. as we all noticed.
Comment by godiva61 on 3 July 2009:
To: LadyDee,
First of all I did not ask you about your “maturity”, I asked how old are you? I know and have met 22 yr old’s who are more mature than some forty year old’s.. Age is a number, maturity is the mentality.. Second, I am not your enemy.. If you reread what I said my emphasis was NOT because you date or PREFER white men, it was because of your comment about BLACK MEN. Again MEN is plural, and MAN is singular. When you or I or anyone pluarize a certain group, ie MEN, we are actually saying ALL MEN in that group, which in my opinion is UNFAIR!. It is no different from when another group who has, and still does sterotype by saying “Black People, Black Women”. I hate and despise the fact that some part’s of this society perceives that ALL Black Women act, resemble, the sick stereotypes of the VH1 and Rap, booty shaking type of females, and why is this? It’s because we were put into a group because of a few individuals, and yes the stupid ass women who got pimped into such behavior, is to blame ase well!!! To me that’s selling out!
As far as being abused, it’s up to the woman to set her own standard’s and her own limit’s, not be abused, disrespected, mistreated by any MAN. I have never, nor will I ever let any MAN tear me down, no matter what the color of their skin. The first MAN on this earth that loved me unconditionally was my daddy. He set the precedence of what I was expected to have in a man, it was my daddy, who was a BLACK MAN, who taught me how to be independent, yet kind to EVERY HUMAN BEING, and it was this same black man, who was the first MAN, to tell me “keep my OPTIONS OPEN AT ALL TIMES” about all aspects of my life. So this knowledge of having OPTIONS, is not NEW TO ME!!!!
It was you who said “I don’t want men who don’t want me”. What men are you referring to? Are you referring to black men, if so when did you meet ALL of them to know that they don’t want you?. This is my point, it is not ALL black men, maybe just the INDIVIDUALS, that you came in contact with. When we group and sterotype it is a form of prejudice. Also if you go back and read the original post by James, he refers to the prejudice remarks that are often made by both men and women.
Last but not least, we know that white men marry black women, white men marry asian women, latino wome, russian women and so and so on. Who is disputing this fact? Again it would be in the best interest of a persons committment to their pending relationship to focus on the soul of the man/woman, and be more concerned about how and what they as an individual will bring to the table, and the first priority would be bringing a POSITIVE attitude about ALL people… The color of a man/woman does not determine his loyalty, sincerity, honesty or integrity…….
love
godiva
Comment by Ichibod on 3 July 2009:
I was in Ft Lauderdale, just north of Miami. I was also amazed at just how many different combinations there were, all in one place and in all places. It was phenominal (only because I’m not used to it). South Florida is the hot spot. I’m in north Florida. My searches turn up plenty of beautiful women of all races from further down south. Enjoy your weekend and remember your sunscreen!
Comment by LadyDee on 3 July 2009:
Godiva:
Since age is just a number, forget it.
It has been stated (not by you), I believe in this forum topic, that white men do not want us, except for sex, this is just not true. I wanted other black women to see for themselves that bw and wm are marrying each other.
Individually (man), as a group (men) - I’m not attracted to black men period. I hope black men realize that black women are not sitting at home waiting for them to date/marry us. Some have expressed anger because we are looking for mates with non-bm. I’m not catering to anyone’s ego, point blank, I don’t desire you.
A black guy on the job loudly proclaimed to his white male co-workers that he only dates tall blondes. No one criticized him and it’s no problem to me, but I only date hot blue eyed men. So what?? My choice. Why am I now prejudice and bashing black men?? As I said before they can all go to blondes (or whomever) - and I could care less. If they don’t date outside the race, good for them - It still has nothing to do with me.
Am I missing anything by not wanting a black man?? Not one single thing. Through God, I have provided for myself successfully without a man. Now, I would like to get married again, to a white male.
Comment by Ichibod on 4 July 2009:
Lady Dee asks:
“Why am I now prejudice and bashing black men??”
You probably have always been prejudice, especially because you make mention of:
“A black guy on the job loudly proclaimed to his white male co-workers that he only dates tall blondes. No one criticized him…”
Why should anyone have criticized him? Did he follow his proclamation with, ” As for black women - you can all go be with white & non-black men. I certainly don’t miss you.”
Did he also say anything along the lines of “No black woman sleeps with me. Why would I disrespect my body in that manner??”
You also ask a blogger:
“By the way honey, just where did I supposedly BASH black men in my previous post??”
You started this morning, on 2 different topics. Including myself and I’ve never even met you before.
“Do black men go to white women’s neighborhood? Hell no!”
I grew up in predominately white neighborhoods and visit friends in white neighhoods on the regular.
You are sadly misguided all around. No one here is criticizing you for dating white men (on an IR dating site, are you serious?), just keep black men out your mouth when you do it. If we mean that little to you, don’t speak of us. Your little side comments and snide remarks you’re trying to pass off as ‘your choice’ show you have issues that need resolving. By the way, God doesn’t help us provide for ourselves. He provides for us what we need, and that can even be mate. So don’t be surprised if he ain’t blue-eyed or hot. Don’t be surprise if your not even provided with one at all. I’m done.
Comment by godiva61 on 4 July 2009:
LadyDee,
There will alway’s be someone who will say thing’s in a derogatory way about interracial dating. That has alway’s been the case, and that will never change…. Whoever said that white men only want black women for sex, is that individual’s perception only, so what? This will not be the worse thing that you will ever hear, and more than likely, you will hear it again, or something worse, but so what? You know it’s not true, so what? Your telling black women that white men will and are marrying us, is not news. I think black women, on this site and in this world already know this. True there are a FEW individual black men who have expressed their anger toward’s black women dating and marrying non-black, but so what? There are black women who is eqaully angry about black men dating/marrying non-black, but so what?
I am not denying the fact that these behavior’s do not exist, on both sides of the fence, nor am I judging you for your own personal preference. Like I have said before, not to you, if you(individual) is so unhappy with your own race for whatever reason(s) that’s on you, those are your own personal issues, it is what it is, however, there are some of us who do not have these issues. Also now that you are happy with your choice, and you now have the absolute best, then why is it necessary to keep talking about the very same people that you have no use for? I would think your happiness and contentment would be more than enough, to cease with the negative conversation. I wouldn’t go on vacation worrying about work and I damn sure wouldn’t call work while on vacation… I don’t like cheap shoes so you wouldn’t catch me in wal mart shopping for shoes but I don’t need to announce over and over again about wal mart selection of shoes because I have an option and a preference to go eleswhere, and having that option and luxury is the reward, but here’s the thing, their maybe other’s who can only afford to go to wal mart, so I have no right to put them down because of it, nor should I constantly put wal mart down in their presence.. My shoe issue is my issue, not everyone else’s.. If your choosing your mate is based SOLELY on the color of one’s skin, and not for their character, then chances are, you are setting yourself up for a huge failure, but it’s your choice and your life and I hope it work’s out for you. I just don’t see how people can expect to receive love when they are programmed to accept love from some while hating other’s………
love
godiva
Comment by LadyDee on 4 July 2009:
ICH
I am not misguide at all. Just not fronting about how I feel.
Get the whole quote straight, not just pieces of it. What I posted was in response to someone else’s post.
They said:”when the last time a white man was in your neighborhood actively searching for a date?”
I said: Why is this important? We’re dating regardless. Do black men go to white women’s neighborhood? Hell no!
My response was regarding “searching for a date” not visiting friends - how stupid would that be?? Of course ppl go to white neighborhoods visiting.
Next thing you misquoted to suit your purpose was this:
They said: “You let black women walk over you so you equate that to love. That is not love, that is you being her doormat. Plus black men is still sleeping with your black wife or girlfriend. Despite the bullshit she is saying on here.”
I said: White Men know what love is they can decide for themselves if they are doormats. No black man sleeps with me. Why would I disrespect my body in that manner?? I allow no man to use me in a disrespectful manner. You Lie to cause dissent - divide & conquer rountine…ho hum
I said NO man uses me in a disrespectful manner (black men included). Read it over. Do not try to twist my words please.
(matter of fact I apologized to you on the other post because I thought you said black women were sellouts, but you actually did not say that, I misread it.) Last night was my first time reading this blog and i was livid.
As for the co-worker he couldn’t say anything further than that in the workplace, even if he wanted to. What double standards he can speak of blondes (which is an exclusion of black women), but if I desire blue eyes I am prejudice (or a sellout to others). Not missing black men is not a prejudice - they are just not relevant to my life. I didn’t call you names.
I don’t accept your views on my God and reject your thoughts on what He provides me.
Bottom line is I am sick of the blatant black woman bashing going on in the media and on the blogs by black men. I’m not seeing it the other way around.
Comment by LadyDee on 4 July 2009:
Godiva
“Your telling black women that white men will and are marrying us, is not news. I think black women, on this site and in this world already know this”
I’m not sure this is true. In one post - probably on the other forum topic, she was surprised at the extent IR dating betweem bw & wm. If the link I posted can enlighten one woman to her beauty and desireability it’s good.
“If your choosing your mate is based SOLELY on the color of one’s skin, and not for their character…”
Any wm will not do. Of course there are a whole list of character traits where we must see eye to eye on. Did I come off as if any white male is mr. right?? On the contrary.
“unhappy with your own race for whatever reason”
I’m not unhappy with blacks - just happy without the male half.
“why is it necessary to keep talking about the very same people that you have no use for? ”
Just responding to others. Voiced my opinions. I’m out.
Peace
Comment by Ichibod on 4 July 2009:
Godiva, it’s time to let it go. This is why I said I was going to keep my cool in the other post. You know how bad I can get at times. She was responding to others… just not Chris Rock or James. Nor did she read all James had to say. Does she even know what race James is? Forget about it.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 4 July 2009:
Dear Lady Dee
I said that question. Is white men looking for black women in black neighborhoods? Your asking why is that important. You and your sellout black women friends on this blog give this impression that white men is chasing black women down in black neighborhoods. I definitely do not see that in a majority white neighborhood.
Godiva “the chocolate food group” said this
“Your telling black women that white men will and are marrying us, is not news. I think black women, on this site and in this world already know this”
Lady Dee said this
“I’m not sure this is true. In one post - probably on the other forum topic, she was surprised at the extent IR dating betweem bw & wm. If the link I posted can enlighten one woman to her beauty and desireability it’s good.”
Clearly at least you know the truth. I don’t agree with your last statement. A white man shouldn’t need blogs and links to know that you are “beautiful”.I never met a black woman that didn’t think she was desired. The problem is most black women are not interested in white men. You are trying to make it seem like it is not the case.
(pointing at you) Don’t even lie like black women wanted white men all along. If that was the case there would be more white men with black women.
Again Lade Dee makes a good point with this statement.
“Any wm will not do. Of course there are a whole list of character traits where we must see eye to eye on. Did I come off as if any white male is mr. right?? On the contrary.”
I dislike Godvia and Lady Dee but I am leaning towards Lady Dee. At least she stick to her beliefs. The “other one” rides the fence to much. Either you down for black men or white men. Nappy head get off the fence.
Lady Dee I hope to debate you more.
Take it easy
Comment by godiva61 on 4 July 2009:
To: Ichibod,
Thank’s for the advice, I had already decided not to respond anymore. I said what I had to say, no need to say anymore. It is what it is.. You are a wise man, and a honorable man as well..
love
godiva
Comment by godiva61 on 4 July 2009:
To: World Citizen,
It’s good to hear from you.. I hope that you are enjoying your visit with your family. I love Miami, but I wasn’t too fond of the Miami Airport, very chaotic.. How long will you be in the US? Have a great weekend and please keep in touch, my sisiter..
love
godiva
Comment by GT on 5 July 2009:
If you’re a black woman interested in dating interracially, there is a blog that will be helpful for you called “For The Sistas.” It also has posts on dating for black Christian women. Some of the posts are a bit long, but they aren’t any longer than the cover story of a magazine article and I really do think they’ll be useful to you. The blog address is ForTheSistas (dot) blogspot (dot) com. By the way, the blog also has information on dating men from Europe.
Comment by Azrazyel on 5 July 2009:
GT:
I happened to check out your blog, even though I am a man. After reading the first few paragraphs, I concluded that if there was more black men available, black women would not date interracially. I believe personally that no black woman ‘really’ wants to date/marry a white man. They are forced to.
I agree with Mr. Laurelton Queens when he says: “Don’t even lie like black women wanted white men all along. If that was the case there would be more white men with black women.” From my perception, on the flipside of that, the interests of white men interested in black women is ‘few and far in between’. Most white men either aren’t interested, or don’t want to have to deal with all the shit baggage that goes along with it. I’ve asked a few friends (again a few, not all white men) today if they would date a black woman, they preferred asian and latino. One went to the extent to say…”I would be embarrassed. It would be a step down for me, actually like jumping off a cliff is how far a step it would be”. End quote.
Interracial marriages and dating is taboo. 99.5 % of the time, people marry their own race. I have to disagree with the perception of more and more white men, black women dating. It is false. It is what it is….Taboo. Unknown, minuscule and uncommon. Don’t let the media drive your perception on it…..it is 20 times less that what some perceive to be.
I’m not trying to throw negativity, that is my own opinion. I myself am interested in black women. I have only been for 6 months now or so. I don’t even know if it is what I truly want, I may find out eventually.
I don’t want to be stuck in the middle of black men and black women fighting over dating out. White men who are truly interested should not have to listen to that garbage. If a black woman is ‘truly’ interested in white men, it’s a blessing….but rare.
In conclusion, I believe (in general) that black women date out because of jealousy of black men dating other races. There are shortages, there is no option.
On the other hand, white men do it for multiple reasons. One thing is for sex. Others being such as a taboo….to stand out. There are some white men that are in love or want to be with a black woman. I feel sorry for them when probably a majority of black women don’t have an option, and that white man is a sucker and being played out of jealousy.
Second conclusion, 99% of black women don’t/didn’t really want a white man, and 99% of white men don’t want them anyway, for multiple reasons. Some reasons explainable, others being left unsaid.
Just my thoughts.
Regards
Comment by Peanut on 5 July 2009:
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 6 June 2009:
(Instead of tackling the real issue of why white men pick black women last for dating. I get no answers to that question TO THIS DAY!)
Comment by Peanut on 14 April 2009:
WHITE MEN DON’T DATE BLACK WOMEN MUCH BECAUSE THEY FEEL IT MAKES THEM LOOK LIKE A LOSER. “THIS IS ALL I COULD GET”
OR
BECAUSE THEY ARE INTIMIDATED BY BOTH BLACK MEN AND WHITE WOMEN FOR DOING SO. EITHER WAY THEY ARE SOCIAL COWARDS WHO’D SOONER BUNGI JUMP FROM A BRIDGE THAN PUT THEMSELVES IN A POSITION TO BE “EMBARRASSED” PUBLICLY.
I think you just forgot about that. But don’t forget to think about that remedial reading class.
Comment by Azrazyel on 5 July 2009:
I can say in comparison that black women and black men constantly bash each other and finding excuses to put down each other for dating out.
I’m just happy white women are less vocal about it. They keep to themselves and don’t engage in the shit garbage of trashing one another. Same thing goes for white men.
A lot of you need to get out of preschool and quit whining on who dates who.
Comment by malarki5 on 5 July 2009:
Lady Dee said:
Sisters, white men do marry us. View picture after picture of beautiful black women happily married to white men here:
http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/
Don’t let men tell you we are not desirable to anyone but a black man. It is untrue.
Menelik replied:
That’s Evia Moore’s website, right? Boy, do I feel sorry for you! Evia Moore is nothing but a disgruntled Black male (yes, male!) supremacist who couldn’t get a Black man of her choice and so she devotes her life to tranferring her allegiance FROM Black men to white men. I figure you have much in common lol
Lady Dee said:
Bottom line is I am sick of the blatant black woman bashing going on in the media and on the blogs by black men. I’m not seeing it the other way around.
Menelik replied:
nice of you to identify Black men as owners of blogs which allegedly bash Black women. But who controls and operates the mass media which bashes Black women?
White women?
Pray, do tell, sista!
Menelik Charles
London England
Comment by malarki5 on 5 July 2009:
Lady Dee said:
I’m not unhappy with blacks - just happy without the male half.
Menelik replies:
There is something uncomfortably cold and macho about SOME Black women that simply defies any genuine attempt to reason with them. Remember Arnie in the original Terminator?
Lady Dee reminds me sooo much of him it chills the bloods!
I bet she had a loving relationship with here daddy! Can’t thing of many more reasons why she feels as she does towards Black men…unless, of course, she’a a real beauty Black men clamour for lol
Menelik Charles
London England
Comment by Ichibod on 5 July 2009:
Arnie, huh. She and others like her remind me of Uncle Ruckus from the Boondocks.
Comment by Azrazyel on 5 July 2009:
Seems in comparison that black women and black men constantly fight over their reasons for dating out. Bashing each other, and finding lame excuses to put one another down.
I’m just glad white women and white men choose not to get into this kid circus of immaturity and hating one another. A lot of you folks seem to have a lot of drama, unsettling and insecure issues. If it causes this much focus on hating each other, you may feel more comfortable to stick with your race.
Not trying to throw negativity, just stating the obvious.
Regards
Comment by Ichibod on 5 July 2009:
Azrazyel (L),
It’s really embarrassing to say the least. The insecure black men and women do this. The men and women have the exact same insecurities, but instead of sharing them and working together through them, they take them out on members of the opposite gender that don’t have their issues. Deep down they are really jealous of them because they are capable of taking responsibility for their actions and hold themselves accountable for what they have allowed themselves to go through in past relationships. It’s what adults are supposed to do.
That’s why there’s a topic titled:
“Black women. Black men. Best frenemies.”
Surprisingly, of all the bashing you may have witnessed on any post, this topic has the least responses of all. Ofcourse it’s going to. People like to argue and that topic begs the question as to why we do it and why we need to stop.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 5 July 2009:
Dear Peanut
I am glad you are back and still angry as ever.
Azrazyel said something that really touched home. You don’t see white people going back and forth about interracial dating. Then again, white folks don’t really want to get political on anything for fear of racism.
I will say this, concerning this topic, white men care what society thinks about them. That is one of the reasons they shy away from serious relationships with black women. In comparison to black men dating white women, society has called black men every negative name you can think of. If a black man cross over to a white woman. It doesn’t hurt the black man in any way. The white woman is ostracized not us.
My personal opinion on why sellout black women “put us down” is to distance themselves from the black male image. If a black man is nearby, a non black man ,really deep down, does not want to “deal with that”. All I hear black women say on this blog is how “they never grew up with black people”. Or they go in a tirade about “always loving a white man from birth”. All this bullshit to sound convincing.
They doing this out of desperation. On top of that, they think white men are stupid enough to believe that they were “interested” in them all along.
The poster child for the desperation is Tattooed one. She gets rejected and than makes a sly comment about not being interested in white men now.
I am just watching the sellout black women implode right before my eyes.
Comment by Ichibod on 5 July 2009:
Hello, AlmondJoy. Yes, I viewed your profile since I saw you had viewed mine. What can I say… you’re hot. As Laurelton says, It is good to see you again!
Azrazyel made some strong points in some other topics recently as well.
Also, If you look at history (according to Alex Haley and other sources) some slave masters had black concubines and many were known to have raped female slaves. Not a decent stigma to have trailing a white man looking to pursue a black woman. Also, many black men were hung in lieu of a white woman screaming rape. In some eyes, that makes a black man dating a white woman a risky venture, albeit a successful one if he manages to pull it off. Not claiming this as a positive victory, but why do you think OJ beating his murder rap was so significant? It’s a rarity whether he was guilty or not. You can see why white men and black men would have something to say, if anything at all, about their women dating ‘the enemy’, so to speak (again, not my sentiments). White men have only known to have their women yell rape around black men, so if a white women is with a black man, she is considered a slut. Black men have only known their women to actually be raped or in some other fashion taken advantage of by white men, so the feeling is somewhat mutual to that of the white man regarding his women. Some people are not haunted by the past and choose to get on with their lives in the present. Smart move!
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 5 July 2009:
azrazyel: Interracial marriages and dating is taboo. 99.5 % of the time, people marry their own race. I have to disagree with the perception of more and more white men, black women dating. It is false. It is what it is….Taboo.
JM: Actually, inter-ethnic marriages rose from 3% to 7% of ALL marriages according to the 2000 U.S. Census.
I thought your overall message was pretty good, except for a couple of things.
azrazyel: White men who are truly interested should not have to listen to that garbage. If a black woman is ‘truly’ interested in white men, it’s a blessing….but rare.
JM: Why is there so much focus on dating/marrying a particular type of woman….as opposed to “dating/marrying a nice, intelligent, etc. woman…”who just happens to be Black, White, Latino, etc.?!”
Did you ever stop to consider that “perhaps the reason there’s so few Black women interested in a White male…is that “there’s so few White males who “get it”…or “understand the experience of Blacks in amerikkka?!” Did you ever think of that? Nope.
“White” men who date Black women are typically different from the typical mono-cultural White male.
I’m reminded of a friend of mine who just happens to be a “White” male.
One day I was at his apt, and he told me he had a new girlfriend.
I said: What did she say about the Malcolm X and other African and Black stuff you’ve got on your walls?”
His reply: Nothing. She’s Black
We both had a good laugh!!!
And that brings up another issue:
“Do ‘White’ males who are multicultural thinking and acting….get along with the typical White female?!”
(I’m well aware of the controversy that erupted when Obama used the phrase “typical White person.” All that meant was “a White person who doesn’t get it”…and there’s damn sure plenty of them.)
azrazyel: In conclusion, I believe (in general) that black women date out because of jealousy of black men dating other races. There are shortages, there is no option.
On the other hand, white men do it for multiple reasons.
JM: Ridiculous.
Every group has multiple reasons.
Your statement is, at best, prejudicial or racist, at worst.
azrazyel: Second conclusion, 99% of black women don’t/didn’t really want a white man, and 99% of white men don’t want them anyway, for multiple reasons.
JM: Another reason why SOME Black women don’t want to date a White male is because of slavery.
Like it or not, the reality is that many Black women don’t want to date or marry someone who looks like the person that RAPED their great-great- (and further back) grandmother, aunt, etc.
Many Black women also do NOT want to put up with the racial shit from a potential White partner’s family, friends, and other Whites.
The “racial baggage” you wrote that comes with “dating/marrying” Black women is also there with Asian and Latino women…for they are fighting the same struggles that Blacks have been fighting for quite a long time.
In general, and history proves this, when a “minority” group’s or more preferably, a Group of Color’s, numbers are small, they don’t experience a lot of discrimination….because Whites don’t view them as a threat.
However, in the late 80s, many Asian Americans felt the bite of Whites’ racism as their numbers increased dramatically at medical and engineering schools.
I remember Asian American students at colleges on the East and West coasts holding protests because the colleges they wanted to attend changed their “enrollment requirements to require high SAT scores rather than being based on GPAs.”
Asian students typically have high GPAs, but don’t do so well on the SAT.
So there’s a lot of “racial baggage” out there with all groups, including Whites, Asians, and Latinos. Not just Blacks.
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 5 July 2009:
Ichibod: Some people are not haunted by the past and choose to get on with their lives in the present.
JM: I wouldn’t describe it as “haunted by the past.”
To be “haunted” by something…you have to experience it first hand…not by reading about it.
Two, since “racial taboos” still exist in every group, I would hardly call it a “haunting.”
Once inter-ethnic couples are shown just as much in the movies as other couples, this taboo will disappear…except among the hardcore racists like David Duke, Phillipe Rushton, etc.
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 5 July 2009:
bbwif: I find white men very attractive. Also they know how to treat a black women the way that she wants to be treated.
JL: Just what White and Black men are you referring to?
Are you conveying that “Black men of the same educational and social class as that of Obama…do not know how to treat Black women?”
Are you saying that “poor White men with little education know how to treat a Black woman?”
That’s what I hate about using umbrella terms like “Black and White.”
If one of every 2 marriages fail in the U.S., how could you write something like that?!
No reality whatsoever.
If White men are so great, why have so many White marriages fallen apart due to cheating by the husband?”
Did Governor Sanford treat his wife well?
What about Bill Clinton?
Some men of all colors, classes, etc. treat women well and some do not.
But to write what you wrote is indeed an example of “internalized racism,” meaning that you’ve “bought hook, line, and sinker…the negative images of Black men projected by the White dominated media.”
media.
Even if you’ve personally experienced ill-treatment or have had friends tell of you about bad treatment…those examples still do NOT include a number necessary to claim “such behavior is representative of ALL Black men.”
Comment by Ichibod on 5 July 2009:
Jordan
Evidently, YOU just don’t get it.
“JM: Actually, inter-ethnic marriages rose from 3% to 7% of ALL marriages according to the 2000 U.S. Census.”
According to the 2000 census, the population increased 13.5%. How many of the 3%-7% marriage increase were white males with black females? You don’t know which makes statistics useless to argue in this case.
“JM: Why is there so much focus on dating/marrying a particular type of woman….as opposed to “dating/marrying a nice, intelligent, etc. woman…”who just happens to be Black, White, Latino, etc.?!”
He was saying that white men shouldn’t have to listen to the garbage of a woman bashing her own race of men to them. What are you talking about?
“Did you ever stop to consider that “perhaps the reason there’s so few Black women interested in a White male…is that “there’s so few White males who “get it”…or “understand the experience of Blacks in amerikkka?!” Did you ever think of that? Nope.”
White men don’t have to understand anything in order for a black women to be interested in them.
There are a lot of women who aren’t interested in me for whatever reason, but I may still find them attractive or think that they are talented, intelligent, or kind. Did you ever think of that? Nope.
“(I’m well aware of the controversy that erupted when Obama used the phrase “typical White person.” All that meant was “a White person who doesn’t get it”…and there’s damn sure plenty of them.)”
And Azrazyel (white), just like Obama (half-white), has white friends and relatives who probably ‘just don’t get it’ as you so succinctly put it. Therefore, his opinons about white feelings, attitudes, ideas, or whatever are more credible that yours… and obviously managed to erupt controversy with you.
Here’s the hypocracy that killed your whole rebuttal:
“Like it or not, the reality is that many Black women don’t want to date or marry someone who looks like the person that RAPED their great-great- (and further back) grandmother, aunt, etc.”
“Many Black women also do NOT want to put up with the racial shit from a potential White partner’s family, friends, and other Whites.”
These little fun facts you mentioned help to support his ‘99.5%’ theory. By way, people use the whole ‘99%’ thing to demonstrate a very high value or an almost unanimous majority, not scientific fact. Is Ivory soap really 99.44% pure as the commercial claims? He doesn’t need ‘racial baggage’ explained to him. He’s a grown man and well aware of what is going on in ‘Amerikkka’ (give it a rest already) and is definitely not a stranger to this sites blogs and the comments that some black women make regarding their reasons for dating white men.
Comment by Ichibod on 6 July 2009:
And can we please stop bringing up President Obama! He is not the epitome of biraccialism and shouldn’t be the first thing on your minds and tongue when looking for a date. He’s already married and definitely don’t care who you’re with or if you’re with anyone at all.
Comment by Peanut on 6 July 2009:
Mr Queens,
I guess since my last post was in all caps it seems like I was yelling. I wasn’t. I simply cut and pasted both our quotes from months ago. I used all caps to get people to slow down and read every word. Sooo, I was not “angry as ever.” I communicate in a direct manner, it’s sometimes read as brusque.
Azrazyel, you seem to agree with me on at least one point, that many white men cannot handle the stress involved with dating a Bw. That’s basically what I said in my first post. I think however ww and wm DO bash each other, I have heard countless wm say negative things about ww being controlling and self-absorbed and ww saying things about wm being selfish, also self-absorbed and weak. One w-guy said to me: real men go out with Asian women and wimps go out with ww. But generally they ARE less vocal about it, true. I know black people and we are much more up front about touchy issues than white people. We do not shy away from things that might cause strong emotions to stir (because we are strong people?)
One thing I’ve noticed about white people is that they do not like to express negative emotions at all. They always seem to be putting a smile on everything. It might make them pleasant to be with for a little while but in the end it feels a bit unnatural to be around people that won’t allow for a full range of expression (if even on a blog like this).
I have never been a fan of putting a cork on your emotions. If you have something to say then choose your words carefully and say it for gods sake. Don’t just pretend everything is okay when it isn’t.
I think the “bashing” between Bw and BM IS negative but at least we are expressing our true feelings and in the end that is a healthy process. It is a Process. It may start out negative but may lead to something more constructive. ie: Mr Laurelton is not all in flames like he has been in the past posts. His volume is down just a pinch and that is a good thing.
Finally, the fact is wm and bw that want to be together are not going to come from the general society. They will always come from an exceptional branch of it. That is also a good thing, no matter how small the percentage is.
And ichabod, hi. Thanks for the compliment. Yes I looked at your profile back in april.
Comment by world citizen on 6 July 2009:
I intend to comment on this blog for hopefully the last time.
Everything that is said by anyone here is true - for that individual - as past experiences caused these persons to come to those conclusions.
It is true, that many people - not only White, but also Asian, do not shout out and put each other down in these blogs. If necessary, they may do so privately. AND THIS IS THE POINT! There is nothing productive in hurting each other openly, as outsiders do not fully understand the issue and their prejudice is being fed. Similar to a fight between a couple, who may quickly have worked out the problem, everything feeling fine again, while the rest of the family keeps thinking, there are dark clouds over the relationship.
It all depends on the temperament and up-bringing of us. And by the way, RELIGION does not seem to have that much impact on behavior!
Many Blacks I have come across hate loudness, aggressiveness, disrespect, and physical abuse. You find TENDER BLACK RELATIONSHIPS and VIOLENT WHITE RELATIONSHIPS, where the woman beats the man. THE POINT IS - there are all kinds of possibilities and there MAY HAVE BEEN a MAJORITY of one or the other, but times are changing, more Blacks are educated, financially well off, decided NOT TO HAVE ‘AN ATTITUDE’. Social class has to do with it, but you also find many decent families among poor people. Anyone, who chose to settle discrepancies of any sort without violence at first attempt knows, that it works with less scars. If this did not work, only then it may become necessary to apply force. And now about the subject:
BLACK WOMEN DO HAVE ALL OPTIONS - as I saw once more - this time here in Miami Beach. Women and men from pitch black to fair, athletic, stunningly beautiful to fascinatingly unusual (seen as ugly by some), teenagers to senior citizens, extremely (un)healthy to skinny, - all these couples were promenading, sitting in sidewalk restaurants, smooching in the fantastic warm water, watching the sunset, etc. etc.
These couples - some with their mixed families - have joined here for the 4th of July. They came from all over the U.S. and other countries all over the world. It is not important to talk about any percentage or the specific combinations! THEY ACTUALLY EXIST and will increase, regardless of who would like to stop them!
This scenario will be seen anywhere in the U.S. and elsewhere in the future.
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 6 July 2009:
World Citizen: It is true, that many people - not only White, but also Asian, do not shout out and put each other down in these blogs. If necessary, they may do so privately.
JL: To the contrary, I’ve read a whole bunch of racist comments written by Whites in these forums….and other dating forums, especially datehookup.com and community forums on various newspapers’ websites, etc.
WC: Women and men from pitch black to fair, athletic, stunningly beautiful to fascinatingly unusual
JL: What does that mean?!
How does “stunningly beautiful” compare to “pitch Black?!” Damn! Talk about racist.
Lastly, as I’ve written before, there are communication style differences between various groups, and culture and socio-economic class play a role.
The general styles of the poor and middle-class of ANY group is usually very different, meaning that poor Whites talk or write very differently than middle/upper-class Whites…and the same for Blacks, etc.
And, of course, you will read or hear of negative comments from upper-class Whites, such as when former pro basketball player Dan Issel or actor Mel Gibson (and many, many other upper-class Whites) shouted out racial slurs in public.
Upper- and middle-class Whites tend to do this when they are angry, excited, or drunk.
Hence, what does this tell you?!
It tells me that “passive communicators are indeed
capable of spewing forth with foul language, but most of the time…are able to keep this ugly side hidden…leading people like World Citizen to believe “they are good and nice people.”
Yeah, right. If it’s not inside of you, it can’t come out.
I find it quite interesting that the same communication style many Blacks use with one another at Christmas & Thanksgiving dinners, at church, and everywhere else where Blacks are laughing & talking….is viewed by middle- and upper-class Whites as aggressive, blunt, confrontational, crude, direct, or hostile.
What is not usually mentioned or recognized by these Whites (middle/upper-class) is that in general, they are communicating with a very passive style.
For example:
1. Filipinos were brought to Hawaii and paid low wages.
2. White people brought Filipinos to Hawaii and paid them low wages.
Which of the statements above is passive?
Which one would passive communicators deem as aggressive, blunt, confrontational, direct, etc.?
Which statement is most accurate?
The passive style was created to conceal bad behaviors, etc.
For example, applying this to the “history of slavery,” what do we find?
All the atrocities committed against enslaved people has been whitewashed…due to the passive writing style of White historians, who are generally middle-upper and/or upper-class people.
All the lynchings, beatings, rapes, psychological trauma visited upon enslaved people…have been erased through the use of a passive writing or speaking style.
It’s little wonder to me….that “many Whites now think “slavery wasn’t all that bad.”
Reflective of this belief is “a NY school who did a project that indicated ’slavery wasn’t that bad’…resulting in an eruption from the Black community a few years ago.”
And I often read the same sentiment throughout the internet in various forums.
Why has “telling the truth”…been couched or viewed by passive communicators as “aggressive, blunt, confrontational, direct, etc.?”
It’s because they don’t want to deal with the truth….so they whitewash it.
On the other hand, when it’s directed towards Blacks, Latinos, etc., Whites do NOT seem to have any restraint upon the language they use.
Case in point, “The Bell Curve,” by Murray and Hernstein. That book is nothing more that White supremacist hate literature dressed up as science, which Stephen J. Gould and other researchers have roundly rebuked.
Who are the most anal retentive people in America?
How does anal retentiveness affect one’s body, i.e., keeping all that stuff inside of you?!
But that veers off into a different albeit related issue….since the general communication style of most Blacks is NOT about “letting it all out.”
One of the cardinal rules about “being receptive and/or accepting of diversity” is “that you do not use your own culture to evaluate the culture of another group, be it communicating, raising children, etc.”
Before negatively labeling the communication style of another person, you should seek to learn “the intent of the speaker or writer”…rather than using your own style to make that appraisal.”
For more information on communication styles, google “Intercultural Communication Workshop” in Oregon.
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 6 July 2009:
azrazyel: I’m just glad white women and white men choose not to get into this kid circus of immaturity and hating one another.
JL: Although I agree to some extent, there are several issues that you’re either not aware of or simply chose to ignore.
First, all Whites are not as you’ve described them. There’s definitely some socio-economic and educational difference among them.
I’ve often seen middle/upper class Whites treat other Whites very kindly in public, but then turn around and treat a Black person poorly. Why?
Is it that they’re unconscious of this behavior, due to living in a culture where such ill-treatment is a norm and therefore not consciously thought about?!
Oprah did a show on this a few years back, and the Whites who agreed to allow themselves to be followed by a camera crew for 2 weeks…were indeed surprised at the things they were filmed doing when coming into contact with Blacks and other People of Color.
Nathan Rutstein also addresses this issue in his book, “Healing Racism in America: A Prescription for the Disease.”
You also might be able to google some articles by a White journalism professor named Robert Jensen.
Two, I rarely see middle- and upper-class Black men and women arguing about their problems in public.
On the other hand, these forums were created to discuss such issues…so all the stuff you’re reading here written by Blacks….is NOT something you’re going to hear coming from the mouths of such Blacks when walking down the street, sitting in a restaurant, etc.
The forums attempt to provoke people to reflect, think about, and share their views on various topics.
If you’re NOT reading about conflict between White men and women, then there’s the strong likelihood that someone is NOT being very truthful.
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 6 July 2009:
I guess World Citizen and azrazyel didn’t read this article..since it “flies in the face” of what they’ve written over the last 2 days:
April 27th, 2009
Interracial couple kissing churns stomachs
Posted by James
“The 7 Best Places to Smooch” was one of the stories on the 10th April cover of GO! magazine and to go along with it was this photo of an interracial couple kissing.
Well, that photo ended up generating a lot of queasiness in many – evidenced by reader comments of the online version - simply because a Black man was kissing a White woman.
Check out some of the comments:
“Haven’t read the story but don’t like to see blacks and whites kissing;” – reader 1buschstadiumplz
“This doesn’t surprise me at all. Libs take every opportunity they can to shove miscegenation in our faces. Now that TV has to show blacks in every commercial, notice that they are always posed beside a blonde woman. Not a brunette, a blonde. Its done for shock value. Sickening that a once proud newspaper would resort ot this. Joe Pulitzer is turning over in his grave in shame.” – reader taxpayer
“I’m not judging the concept of biracial couples at all, but in a city as racially polarized as St. Louis, I’m shocked that the PD would go so out of its way to be so gratuitously provocative. This completely undercut the message of the article.” – reader greggh
PS: And these are just the subtle ones. Most of the comments had inappropriate offensive language.
To tell you the truth, the above is pretty disturbing if you ask me. The thing is, the couple on the cover wasn’t just models posing … it’s a real couple. I don’t want to imagine what they must have felt.
I gotta ask: In this day, age and era, how can a mere photo of interracial couple kissing arouse such racist comments?
JL: I can’t help but also “wonder” why the moderator chose to write “because a Black man was kissing a White woman” rather than “a White Woman kissing a Black man” OR “a Black man and a white woman kissing.”
That phrasing is indicative of almost all the thread titles, such as “Why do Black men love White women” OR “Why do Black women love White men,” etc….as if the White, Asian, or Latino partner in an inter-ethnic relationship with a Black person…is sort of a passive participant.
Why do you keep doing that?
Comment by Azrazyel on 6 July 2009:
Look:
I appreciate all the responses that I’ve seen. First off, I don’t appreciate being called racist or even considered racist. FAR from it. Click on my pic and read my profile. How could I be racist if I am interested in black women? White racist/supremecists hate ALL blacks. Not me!
Now, I am happy to engage in a conversation or debate with whomever. I am here to learn. That’s part of the reason why I am interested in black women, not just because they are beautiful etc. etc., but also because I want to know the culture of the black people and have a better understanding for myself other than what I may already know or perceive. I have reasons for my perceptions and opinions, I come from an area where interracial couples is rare, therefore I perceive differently.
Maybe some of you live in a mixed environment, where interracial couples are more common. I respect everyone’s background and their walks of life and where they came from.
I stand by my opinions because I base on what I see, not what I hear i.e. internet, radio, tv. I will continue to think that black women only date out because of jealousy of black men doing it first. I still see it as desperation, and I still believe most white men don’t want a black woman. I’ve been asking lately my friends and friends from work what they think about interracial couples. Some I’ve heard are too explicit to explain, so I will refrain from saying so. Others preferred Asian (mainly) and hispanic. I go by what they are telling me.
I know that isn’t based on all white men, but I think it’s few that would pursue a black woman, again for many reasons. Too much garbage whereas I see on this website helps to prove my points. I am interested because I find black women attractive, although it’s been a recent awakening for me. But it’s going to be hard to find that .5% who actually give a damn about white men, of course the 99.5% being out of jealousy and desperation. No white man wants a woman who is desperate, and is NOT looking for love, but for payback.
I hope you take into consideration of my reasons for the way I perceive, just like I would for you. I am here to learn, and I will stick by my statements until proven otherwise.
Regards
Comment by Peanut on 6 July 2009:
To WC. You seemed to be throwing the “violence” word around a bit after my last post. I don’t think I’ve even seen it on this thread until now. What does violence have to do with expressing yourself openly and honestly? You may have some issues.
And it IS productive to be honest at all times. People may feel hurt for a few minutes but then when they really think about it they will appreciate the information given.
JM, loud and clear!
Why has “telling the truth”…been couched or viewed by passive communicators as “aggressive, blunt, confrontational, direct, etc.?”
It’s because they don’t want to deal with the truth….so they whitewash it.
That’s why BS never stops circulating. Because it’s a bandaid that soothes temporarily but the wound still sits underneath. The truth is the only thing that heals anything. People actually PREFER the truth even if it stings.
Azrazyel, you probably need to interview some wm other than your friends and coworkers. They are, by design, going to be very similar in mindset coming from the same line of work and tastes.
And you shouldn’t think THAT many black women just want to get back at black men by dating wm. I have always dated wm and I know plenty of black women that think wm are great and fun to be with. It bothers me that when bw finally STOP being restrictive in their dating habits that they get slammed for some conjured up reason (often conjured by bm that don’t want to see their harems disappear) and then adopted by everyone else.
Sometimes I wonder if wm just want to latch onto that as yet another excuse to avoid dating bw while at the same time avoiding being labeled a racist.
Comment by Azrazyel on 6 July 2009:
Peanut:
Thanks for replying. The last line you wrote sums it up, at least in my perspective. But for me at least, it’s not an excuse…it’s the truth. Black women know deep down inside, that if there was enough black men available to them, and suitable to their needs, they wouldn’t need an option. That’s what basically scares me off. I’m interested, but equally uninterested at the same time. It’s a deadlock and a counterweight for me.
I may be better off in the long run to stick with white and asian or latino, and let my feelings run dry for black women. Only black men can handle a black woman, and the white man shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of it. Unless they have balls of kryptonite to do so.
Comment by SanAntonioBeauty on 6 July 2009:
It’s so silly to continue this debate. It like saying white women have no options, that’s why they seek out plastic surgery more often and are more promiscuous the any other race of women. This thread is purely designed to disparage black woman, the mothers of black men. Black women will continue being as loved and desired by all race of men. What is clear, only those men who are confident, mature, not limited by stupid societal norms, and who appreciate black women will reap the benefits of all that black women has to offer. Lucky men!
Comment by Ichibod on 6 July 2009:
Azrazyel, listen.
Just read all of the previous posts and pay close attention to what is being said, especially from the ones that are replying to you, including myself. I truly believe your feelings are genuine and I most definitely do not think that you are racist. I think you are remaining extremely humble while engaging in these discussions, as well as debates to find the guidance and answers you are looking for. You have clearly expressed your main concerns and apprehensions with dating black women, and from your observations of many comments, the worst case scenarios regarding your concerns and apprehensions with dating black women are becoming apparent. You’re a smart guy. Use your head! What criteria do you use when choosing which a white, asian, or latina woman to date? It’s no different when choosing a black woman. Each one is different just as every human being is unique. I can see from your earlier post that you already know what’s really important in choosing an ideal mate. Anything else is unnecessary and trivial. You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do.
Notice the blogger that asks why is there so much focus on dating a particular race of woman, an then questions why there aren’t more topics about other combinations. Recognize the blogger that begs black women to not add to, but ‘trade’ their dating options, when even they claim to have only dated white men and speak from some type of second, third, or forthhand (not first) experience that all black men don’t know how to treat black women. Asking you not to think black women just want to get back at black men by dating white men, after previously launching a full-scale campaign urging black women to date white men and told me (as a black man she doesn’t know or ever dated) to leave black women alone. Also notice how commentary is different with the person in question and whites, than it is with blacks.
Use your best judgement, man. Anything you need, just let me know. Good luck to you!
Comment by Ichibod on 6 July 2009:
Mother Citizen,
I love you!
It seems that you may have offended someone by being a white women and stating that blacks can have tender relationships and that even whites can have violent ones. You may have shattered the dreams of anyone believing they can avoid negative possibilities by dating interracially. You sweet, dream shatterer you. Take care, and hope to hear from you soon!
Comment by godiva61 on 6 July 2009:
Ichibod,
Hey there! How was your Monday? I hope all is well with you, is it? Thank you for articulating the sentiment’s that I was thinking, but couldn’t find the right word’s to type here about my dear sister, World Citizen. I reread her post several times and could not figure out the “throwing violence” around. I didn’t perceive it as a negative vibe, but we all are different, and so are our perception’s.. Also, I have been on call all weekend, so I am a little tired and so are my eyes, that’s why I had to reread her post several times.
Also I didn’t quite figure out why she was being perceived as a racist because of her physically describing people that she has encountered in Miami.
I thought her reason behind the description was to point out the “different” array of people, loving, communicating, getting along in spite of what they may look like, again I could be wrong or just see it differently… I’ll go back and read again, after I get some shut eye.. I love World Citizen too!!
love
godiva
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 6 July 2009:
Ichibod: According to the 2000 census, the population increased 13.5%. How many of the 3%-7% marriage increase were white males with black females? You don’t know which makes statistics useless to argue in this case.
JL: According to the Census for 1980, there were 27,000 Black wife-White husband couples and for 2006 there were 117,000 such unions.
I don’t know why you’d ask such a question…when it’s sooooooooooooooooooooo easy to find the answer. :>)
Ichibod: He was saying that white men shouldn’t have to listen to the garbage of a woman bashing her own race of men to them.
JL: That’s part of what he wrote….but if he doesn’t like that…why is here reading and participating in these forums?!
Ichibod: White men don’t have to understand anything in order for a black women to be interested in them.
JL: As a facilitator of “race” dialogue groups for the last 10 or so years, we’ve had some interesting discussions on inter-ethnic marriages….and almost 99% of such couples participating say that “some understanding of the historical way in which Blacks
and other Groups of Color have been treated in amerikkka….helped their relationship immensely.”
I distinctly remember the tell-all words of one Black male who said, “I couldn’t imagine coming home from work and mentioning a racial incident to my wife….and then have her respond, “Come on, Jimmy…you know racism doesn’t exist. The Civil Rights movement ended all that.”
And that goes right back to what I wrote about “multiculturally-thinking and behaving White people”: Those that “get it” do a whole lot better in inter-ethnic relationships than those whose don’t.”
Understanding both the physical and psychological war against Blacks/other People of Color carried out by Whites helps such relationships.
In another message someone wrote something about “people having an attitude.”
That’s like breaking someone’s leg, and then criticizing them for “not being able to walk.”
You’d have an “attitude” too if you had had to traverse the racial terrain that People of Color do in amerikkka.
Ichibod: And Azrazyel (white), just like Obama (half-white), has
JL: That’s NOT what I was referring to when I wrote “I’m well aware of the controversy that erupted when Obama used the phrase “typical White person.”
And Obama is NOT half white…if everyone in the world “can trace their ancestry back to a woman who lived in Africa 80,000 years ago.”
So, if anything, Obama is about 80% African and 20% White…due to the effects of climate…NOT of biology.
No evidence exists of a multi-genesis of different human races. Hence, the term “mixed” is a misnomer.
No matter what type of changes occurred (due to climate)to the Africans that migrated out of Africa and into the Far East, Europe, etc….they were still African.
The sweet irony of racial labels and pseudo-scientific theories about “races”…..is that…eventually everyone is going to look African again. :>)
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “the browning of America,” right?
Well, in several hundred years or maybe a little more, people will be talking about “the Blackening of America”…meaning people are going to transform right back to the physical characteristics of the ORIGINAL PEOPLE of the Earth.
With migration patterns and the frequent exchange of genes between “different” groups of people, I doubt that the thousands-of-years-long isolation that spawned the transformation of Africans into Europeans, Asians, and other “non-African” groups will occur again.
Ichibod: Therefore, his opinons about white feelings, attitudes, ideas, or whatever are more credible that yours… and obviously managed to erupt controversy with you.
JL: Heh heh heh!!!
I highly doubt that…since Whites tend to shy away from conversations about “race”…and attempt to hide the identity of anyone in their family by claiming that “oh, she’s got a little Indian or Italian blood in her”…leaving the “mixed” ones to deal with “racial” identity issues on their own.
Yeah, right.
His “opinions about white feelings, attitudes, and ideas” reflect little understanding.
Ichibod: Here’s the hypocracy that killed your whole rebuttal:
He doesn’t need ‘racial baggage’ explained to him. He’s a grown man and well aware of what is going on in ‘Amerikkka’
JL: I definitely disagree
“Racial baggage” in regards to relationships is one thing….but understanding reasons for why those things have occurred it yet another.
Ichibod: and the comments that some black women make regarding their reasons for dating white men.
JL: His OWN words tell us that he has no understanding of WHY these things have occurred or are occurring….as well as the role of external forces upon the lives of Blacks and other People of Color.
In fact, out of all of the messages posted in these forums, I’ve only read 3 or 4 messages that get at the reasons for these problems.
Part of it is internal and much of it is driven by external forces, i.e. social/political/economic elements that have impacted Blacks, etc., in harsh ways.
You can’t blame it all on Black men and women as azrazyel did.
But at least these discussions are happening…for without them…solutions will not occur.
Here’s a question for you:
Would all these arguments be occurring if there weren’t any forums to discuss them?!
Nope.
People would simply come on the site and look for someone they’re attracted to…just like they do on other dating sites that do not have “member forums.”
But having written that does not mean I am disparaging the forums.
I believe they allow for the sharing of a lot of information, i.e. perspectives, etc., that most people aren’t going to get any place else, especially Whites…who do all they can, in general, to avoid talking about “race.”
As I mentioned in another message, just because azrazyel does not see any conflict between White men and women in these forums…does NOT mean that such conflict does not exist.
We all know that some Whites have been written out of wills…just because he/she was dating and/or married a Person of Color.
I’m reminded of a story a White woman told at one of the dialogue groups:
“My first cousin and her husband decided not to have children because….both she and her husband have a distant Black relative…and they’re afraid that if they have a child…that their regressive genes might produce a Black baby.”
While azrazyel might see the, in general, passive communication style of middle- and upper-class Whites as a sign of “maturity,”….in my opinion this passiveness inhibits them from having the type of conversations necessary to talk about conflict and “racial” issues, like dating/marrying outside your cultural group.
I wonder how Whites who have been isolated from their families, written out of wills, etc….feel/think about the upheaval their “cross-cultural” desires and/or social justice activities have motivated (actually the hate motivates this) in their families and how such a conversation might go between the “White sheep of the family” and the racist members?!
Well, many “Whites” that are activists like myself have told me about some of those family conversations, and they aren’t anything like the “maturity” that azrazyel mentioned.
I think the controversy that happened last year between Dog the Bounty Hunter and his son are pretty indicative of such family conflicts.
For those of you who are not familiar with Dog, he’s a White male who has a TV show about “catching people who are fugitives from the law.”
One of his sons was dating a Black woman, and when Dog found out about it…he used a slew of racial slurs, etc., to describe both the woman and the relationship.
His son released some of that information to the media to get back at his father, and eventually the public outcry resulted in his show being cancelled.
Did this White family handle this situation in a mature way?!
Nope!
It’s little wonder to me why inter-ethnic marriages ONLY comprise 7% of ALL marriages in the U.S.
Hence, it looks like to me that someone isn’t being very truthful about their real feelings/beliefs, etc….especially in an era where we’ve elected the “first” Black president….a point White people like to use for claiming “racism no longer exists in America.”
Yeah, I’m sure they’re right.
Comment by Ichibod on 7 July 2009:
Jordan,
I have to admit, you are the king of strawman questions and statements. Nothing you wrote has anything to do with anything that prospective interracial couples need to talk about.
“Ichibod: White men don’t have to understand anything in order for a black women to be interested in them.
“JL: As a facilitator of “race” dialogue groups for the last 10 or so years, we’ve had some interesting discussions on inter-ethnic marriages….and almost 99% of such couples participating say that “some understanding of the historical way in which Blacks
and other Groups of Color have been treated in amerikkka….helped their relationship immensely.”
Facilitator of race dialog? In other words, “The Token Black Guy”. Been there, done that. Honestly, it gets old after a while. I stick by my statements. A person can be interested in someone who knows nothing about them. It’s bascially what leads people to want to meet other people. All that other stuff comes later after meeting. You really expect Azrazyel or anyone else to impart conversation of institutional racism into their game?
“Hey, girl. What’s your slave name? Are you an equal opportunity dater? No? Aw, you can give me some affirmative action or something, sweetheart.”
Trust me, she should not be considered racist for turning the man down and/or throwing a drink and/or shoe at him.
“And Obama is NOT half white…if everyone in the world “can trace their ancestry back to a woman who lived in Africa 80,000 years ago…”
Let’s not split hairs. Especially after questioning why there are no topics asking why certain other groups date/love other groups when we all originated from the same place anyway. Hypocracy much?
“I don’t know why you’d ask such a question…when it’s sooooooooooooooooooooo easy to find the answer.”
The question was rhetorical. I don’t really care about the answer. Details regarding statistics are inconsequential to his argument. Probably easy for you to find seeing as though you may need them to feel more comfortable about yourself dating interracially… or for your… facilitating of race dialog. Whichever floats your boat.
Let me revisit a previous statement of mine, since you butchered it for another strawman set up:
“And Azrazyel (white), just like Obama (half-white), has white friends and relatives who probably ‘just don’t get it’ as you so succinctly put it.”
Again, what I meant by that was they know all too well the rhetoric spoken about themselves and other races in white circles. I can assure you, they’re not talking about climate change, crossing the Bering Strait or Mesopotamia.
“His “opinions about white feelings, attitudes, and ideas” reflect little understanding.”
So he’s confused about being white? Okay, Token. How about you give him a few pointers then?
“Ichibod: and the comments that some black women make regarding their reasons for dating white men.”
You should audition for the role of the Scarecrow in the next version of The Wiz, Mr Strawman! Before you cropped that sentence to confetti, it was pointing out that in thses forums where you say:
“I believe they allow for the sharing of a lot of information, i.e. perspectives, etc., that most people aren’t going to get any place else,”
He reads plenty of anti-black man jargon on this site and was saying that white men shouldn’t have to listen to the garbage of a woman bashing her own race of men to them. I mentioned no race imparticular; before or now. Tell me, do you even care what people are saying or is it that you just can’t wait for your turn to say something and your chance to try to show someone up with your random trivia? You’re like that dude from Barbershop. Education without wisdom is foolishness. Forgive me for taking your comments toward World Citizen a tad bit personal. Can’t help it, but I digress. Let’s move on.
“We all know that some Whites have been written out of wills…just because he/she was dating and/or married a Person of Color.”
We all know that Marvin Gaye’s dad shot him over his lifestyle. I know white people who have written children out of wills because they were douchebag parents, the kids were drug addicts or let their spouses turn them against the rest of the family. I worked for a life insurance company. I’m no stranger to beneficiary changes. What’s your point to all this? Were you directing this to Azrazyel or were you just making noise again?
“JL: I definitely disagree
“Racial baggage” in regards to relationships is one thing….but understanding reasons for why those things have occurred it yet another.”
I didn’t hear anybody asking for reasons why those things have occurred. How does this sound:
Azrazyel: “Honey, we need to find ways to cut our electric bill and move more money into savings.”
His wife: “Well you know, my ancestors didn’t have A/C in the cabins to cool off after a hard days labor in the fields. And massa took their water. You should respect my needs to run it during the day”.
Please, please, please! Stick to the topic at least.
“One of his sons was dating a Black woman, and when Dog found out about it…he used a slew of racial slurs, etc., to describe both the woman and the relationship.”
Dog’s son and his son’s girlfriend were both drug addicts and it was a disgrace to the family. He got pissed, like most drug addict kids, when they can’t get what they want from the parents or other family members to support their habit. Dog admitted he used the word frequently ‘in-house’ and not in public and not out of hatred (you can have whatever feelings about that, Dog is the bomb to me). His son decided to use it to his crack-head advantage to hurt his father.
What’s worse, being a crack-head or being a… You know what? Let’s just skip it.
I’m going to leave it right here, ‘Smart Brother’. You don’t seem to like the white people of Amerikkka (geez, would you cut it out already), do you? Far too often you manage to make some type of derogatory comments about whites periodically throughout your thesis. You say:
“Well, many “Whites” that are activists like myself have told me about some of those family conversations, and they aren’t anything like the “maturity” that azrazyel mentioned.”
Really? You sure they’re not just whitewashing truths to make you feel comfortable around them for the last 10 years? Token, the black friend they can conveniently say they have in conversations… since whites tend to shy away from conversations about race.
You’re really a racist. Seriously. Don’t take the ‘No’ to your flirts so personal.
Comment by world citizen on 7 July 2009:
Dearest Godiva61 and Ichibod, English is my second language, therefore I am extra careful in expressing myself, trying to avoid misunderstandings.
Of course, as you know me by now, I was merely describing the great variety of couple combinations, trying to point out, that people have all kinds of preferences.
This is what you see in Miami Beach these days - anyone who has been here will agree to this - I know it is not the NORM in the U.S. But - these people are mostly tourists. They go back to their communities, where they may be hesitant to show their preference as openly. Having seen so many other interracial couples, will have a positive impact on them and ensure them - this can’t be stopped by anyone.
It would be nice, if people would just read, not trying to read BETWEEN THE LINES. And I repeat, who cares about percentage? There are enough
HUMANS in these blogs, looking for warmth and love, not mathematical figures. It is very sad, obviously some people can not open themselves to receive honest compassion and friendliness, are they so deeply hurt?
Ichibod, thank you for your ‘Yes’ - and I appreciate your friendship.
Godiva61, I’ll return to McKinney, Dallas in a week and back to Europe later this month.
Love, and have a good week.
Comment by world citizen on 7 July 2009:
Dearest Godiva61, you were on call, while most others (including myself) were having fun over the weekend. I sincerely hope, that you get sufficient rest and enough time off to regain your energy. You are probably taking care of people in need or bad health? I admire you for doing so and hope, that also your needs and wishes are fulfilled by someone loving!
Comment by Peanut on 7 July 2009:
Ichabod,
I’m starting to think you only twist my words around to get a response.
(Asking you not to think black women just want to get back at black men by dating white men, after previously launching a full-scale campaign urging black women to date white men)
I said bw should look elsewhere to OTHER men besides Black men. I didn’t say ONLY wm should be considered. I already made that clear in one of my posts months ago but you conveniently forgot that.
And yes, I think bw need to take a break from bm and try something new because in opinion most bm just live to antagonize bw. They can’t stand to see them happy they take every opportunity available to insult or irritate bw just to get them to “act out” and then of course they want everyone to notice this and penalize bw for it. Bw have enough to deal with as it is.
I think YOUR motives are very clear here regarding Az:
(You have clearly expressed your main concerns and apprehensions with dating black women, and from your observations of many comments, the worst case scenarios regarding your concerns and apprehensions with dating black women are becoming apparent.)
You don’t want this guy (or any other wm) to be interested in dating bw. You don’t WANT it.
And AZ, you’re just plain wrong about bw’s motives for dating wm. How many bw do you know anyway?
Comment by Ichibod on 7 July 2009:
Peanut,
I’m not the word twister here. I re-read your post from months ago where you ask me where I got the whole thing about dating white men. Um, you said “elsewhere” once, “black women should move on once, and white man or ‘wm’ almost 30 times. And you honestly believe that the black man just ‘lives’ to antagnoize the black women? Are you serious…ly that gullible? You’ve never been with a black man, you don’t know me, nor do you know every other black man in America or on the planet. That’s why I said you sound like a Klan memeber before. You actually could bring yourself to say something like that… and mean it…say it’s an ‘ugly TRUTH’… where is your dad? The only time I, or many other black men respond in the manner in which you have seen me respond to you is when we hear antagonizing words toward us such as yours. You actually expect us black men that don’t fit your ‘IGNORANT ASSUMPTIONS’ to just sit idle while you say things like this? I can’t defend the black men that are truly scum, neither can I defend any race of other men that are just as scummy. However, I’m not down to take anyone else’s bullets. You say a person shouldn’t watch too much TV, I don’t either but I hear enough people talk about what’s there and it’s all pretty stupid nowadays. But it’s like you’re reflecting the same ideas presented by it. Even most racist whites don’t claim we don’t know how to treat our women. Usually, it’s were just criminals, you’ve taken it a whole new level.
“in opinion most bm just live to antagonize bw. They can’t stand to see them happy they take every opportunity available to insult or irritate bw just to get them to “act out” and then of course they want everyone to notice this and penalize bw for it. Bw have enough to deal with as it is.”
And other men and women don’t have enou… you know what? I just don’t know what to say about this. You need help, you just need help.
“You don’t want this guy (or any other wm) to be interested in dating bw. You don’t WANT it.”
Where are you getting this from? I told him to use the same criteria for choosing any other race of female for picking a black one. And he’s been here long enough to read posts from black women who don’t think like you. The one’s who can just date other men and not mention black men in the process. Two of my cousins have white husbands. It’s freakin’ awesome. The babies are so cute, I know my cousins are with good dudes and they still love their black daddy. I want them to have what’s best for them. Time will tell if it really is, but that could be with anybody. Even their husbands.
“THEY HAVE JUST RAN TO HIDE BEHIND WW SKIRTS TO SAVE THEMSELVES WHILE THROWING US UNDER A BUS.”
I don’t go around searching for black men using negative crap about black women as their reason for dating other women (there you go again, black men only date white women?). If I were to find one, we’d have it out. As I said before, find one on this site, since this site is my only concern right now, I’d be glad to take him on. I mentioned this exact same thing in the topic “Black women. Black men. Best frenemies.” I stated that there were mostly comments (from black women) about how we’re enemies, but not many regarding how we’re still friends at the same time. Why do you think that is, that there are more of those? Do you believe black men and women are still friends in some ways or not? I believe so, but that’s just me.
“Does everything have to be spelled out. WHITES ARE PRIVILEDGED. BM are capitalizing on it.”
And there it goes. What do you think about that, my boy? That’s the self-esteem issue we were talking about in that other post. What man wants that in their life, from any woman. I can’t do this anymore. I have to say when it comes to superior verbal pugilism, she can take someone to task. Mighty impressive. But when it comes to reading comprehension, she’s in a doldrum. She becomes Samuel Jackson from Caveman’s Valentine. Some people are only good at putting others down, not understanding them.
One last thing, Sweet P. How many men have you dated? How and why did each relationship end? What gave the impression that the ‘follow up man’ would be better than the last? Who dumped who in each relationship? Just rhetorical questions. As long as you know and are comfortable with the answers granted all that you’ve said here, it’s okay! And for the record, I don’t hate you, as a person or a black woman. I just don’t like what you have to say.
Comment by Ichibod on 7 July 2009:
Black women! You DO have plenty of options. To all men, you are the options they have to choose from. The most important thing is that we choose our options according to personal preference, yet with conscientious unbias. There is positive and negative with any choice we make in life. Please, choose wisely.
Comment by Peanut on 7 July 2009:
Ichabod,
As I stated in my earlier posts. I gathered my opinions from YEARs of observing bm with bw AND form observing their behavior with ww.
“Does everything have to be spelled out. WHITES ARE PRIVILEDGED. BM are capitalizing on it.”
How does this reflect MY self esteem? It reflects BMs self esteem, that’s how you get things twisted.
And if you need more empirical evidence of this just look at how many Bm are walking around with their kids and being fathers to them, THEN notice what color they are. 98 times out of a 100 those kids are bi-racial. From my pov that seems to indicate they don’t really want to be there for their kids if they are chocolate and more willing to if they are not. That indicates a self-esteem issue with black men.
And in my earlier posts if I mentioned wm that many times it’s because most of the protesting was involving them and not “other” men.
And you were trying to influence Az not to date bw. He doesn’t need you to tell him how to think. You could see he was on the fence so you tried tipping him.
And I’m certainly not going to discuss my dating history with you here. I don’t care about yours.
Comment by tatted2death on 7 July 2009:
First of all, Legion, dear man……I have moved on….but you just “innocently” mentioning a NON-ROMANTIC flirt had it’s part in the madness as well….lol. I mean there is no hard feelings but honestly did you think L. Queens was going to ignore that???? To claim to not know that “this would be such a big issue” is kinda naive, don’t ya think??? Trust and believe I am NOT “blown up”(lol) over your “reject”…it is this character’s predictable response that is causing this not to DIE A QUIET DEATH. Whilst I understand what you are saying on one level (past the point of caring “why”…seeing as I KNOW the nature of why I sent you the flirt in the first place), I don’t really need any well wishes on “what I am looking for” because I basically have a continual source of that (dialogue on interesting/meaningful subject matter with like-minded people) here. But the fact that you are on the same page with alot of what L. Queens is blathering about helps me understand alot more about you and what you are here for. But THANKS nonetheless……PEACE ONTO YOU.
Anyway, you see that now I have been labeled as “not being interested in white men”……LMAO. I told you all I was next going to labeled a lesbian by L. Queens….this is only a step away from it…dayum. I told you he was running out of stuff and here he is actually trying twist my issue with Legion into something entirely different. Yup, when I made it clear that I did NOT want to “talk to” anyone that was “confused” or trying to “figure things out” when it came to dating IR, I probably excluded ALOT of white men but I STAND BY IT. There are plenty of people that date (or are “trying” to date) IR that do it for the WRONG reasons….black women, white men, white women, black men, etc….NO ONE IS IMMUNE. I know it’s hard L. Queens, to try and find a crack in my intentions here….but you and I know I have not wavered an inch so please find another tune….it’s starting to make YOU seem desperate. Your futile attempts at trying to “tanish my character” (online….LMAO) are just laughable, at best.
To Ich….with all sincerity and respect, I just want to applaud you for continuing to try and keep a balanced outlook in here. I know it can be difficult and I really do appreciate it…Keep it up!!!
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by tatted2death on 7 July 2009:
And to set the record FOREVER STRAIGHT…..just because someone is not actively seeking romantic LOVE does not mean that they are “booty-calling” or out here just to bash men or whatever other nonsense you could conjure up. SECURE, RESPECTFUL, BALANCED human beings don’t need to really “search” for love. Even though it is cliche……love can and WILL find you if you are open to it…..PERIOD. Those that have made up there minds to be DISRESPECTFUL, INSECURE, and/or BIASED will continue to wallow in their own misery and pretend with everyone else that they are about “truth”. They will never cease to try and bring others along on this “journey of pain” (whether they realize it or not). I, personally, don’t believe any ONE human being can be completely evil (hey, I am a weird one that can even be friends with a “Satanist”….lol), but at the end of the day it is all about looking yourself in the mirror. If you can unabashedly do that and be happy with what you see (and ALSO know that there is more to you than that), then good for you. But if not, I hope that some peace finds you….in whatever form it needs to come.
To World Citizen…….you mentioned me being “abused” here. Funny thing, I really didn’t feel it. Either the attempts are weak or I am just immune. Either way, I KNOW what my focus is here….and that is all that really matters to me. I wish others could be open-minded and open-hearted, but I know I have no control over that. I understand that some must feel a sense of power in here and like to “work the strings”…..and that is fine….because I know ANY and ALL of those that I am meant to communicate (on a positive level) with won’t allow themselves to be manipulated into a corner before they even step through the door here. Those that see themselves as “king/QUEEN” of a place that can be the home for all sort of deception and lies do nothing but tell on themselves time and time again. Them and people like them only limit THEIR world….that’s abuse alright….SELF-ABUSE. I understand and am at peace with that. Those that cannot believe that someone can have pure intentions again only tell on themselves…..I actually LOVE that…..keeps things simple.
To Godiva…..(singing) “I was born in a cross-fire hurricane”……lol. Again I will say, SECURE people can find love (without being afraid of compromising their sexuality…lol). Romantic love is just one kind of love and finding it is alot more complicated. Some of the characters that try and find it online amaze me with the kinds of games they are willing to play. That is why I tend to be leery of it……NEVER said I was not open….but I know YOU understand where I am coming from there…lol.
Peace and Blessings to ALL
tatted2death
Comment by Azrazyel on 7 July 2009:
Okay:
It is apparent to me that I will not get any good advice from anyone in here. I have made that judgment for myself. I try and reach out to any black man or woman, white too (although I already know they won’t engage in this turmoil). Ichibod has some good points, I take some to keep and throw the others away. Same with peanut. But my point is always proven, you two bashing each other once more. Now I am not lashing out at anyone, I am just frustrated to HELL that I cannot decipher good advice from the bad without trash talking each other.
I would not get into any debate with a white woman, I feel everyone has the right to love whomever, white, black, latino, asian, gay, lesbian, whatever.
I try and act appropriate and not cause harm along the way. But when I truly and desperately need help from a black man or woman, it all leads into a cynical cycle of depravity. Unending hurt and inflictions I constantly see between black people.
Is it possible, even for one millisecond to live in peace and harmony with each other without the need to defame one another? Again, I don’t mean to come off harsh, I’m just showing my frustration when a man (who has never dated out before) really needs attentive help…..good grief.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 7 July 2009:
I just read the pity party that Tattooed one did.
I don’t know how she even makes herself the victim in all this. First you made it seem like the guy wanted you. He set the record straight and your mad because he made it public. Your fragile ego couldn’t take it. You are still attacking the poor guy like he committed a major sin.
He would have been better if he took up your “booty” cal’ and then stopped calling you after using for sex. That is the main problem with black women. They focus on if they can make a man penis hard. Instead of admiring the man ‘for being honest” with them.
I admire Legion for being “honest”. There is many men that fuck a black woman and dump her ass. That happens more often than a man saying “you know what” I can’t fake being interested in you.
Tattooed one should be an example to all sellout black women. When men try to do the “right” thing stop knocking them. If Legion had sex with your chubby ass and “made some excuse” of not keep in contact with you. You would be okay with that. You wouldn’t hear a peep out of her ass.
Then she rambles on about a “journey of pain”. Stop being a drama queen.
I don’t have no sympathy for sellout black women. Yall use to brush off white men. Now your getting a taste of your own medicine.
Personally if I was Legion I would have spanked your loose booty and kept it moving after.
I have less compassion than the average man.
Look for my new blog entry
(Domain Sellout Pain 2.0) “You won’t go far”
http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
Good day
Comment by tatted2death on 7 July 2009:
LMAO….I’m sorry I just read the “balls of Kryptonite” comment……That is hilarious….TRULY!!! (mind if I use it, Legion/Az???)
Hopefully the man that found himself as my “superman” would NOT have those sort of balls….might cause problems in the bedroom….LOL.
Comment by tatted2death on 7 July 2009:
…and of course, L.Queens follows with some more nonsense like he knows me…..
I am not attacking anyone….I just find all this shyte rather amusing is all. All the going on about me having a “loose booty” and the “well wishes”……LMAO.
All these cartoon characters in here……LMAO (and “COOL WORLD”, this ain’t)…..
….and “PITY-PARTY”????…REALLY, now??? You know that is an interesting term considering that you have basically turned this whole blog into yours.
Just because some sorry black woman did a tap-dance number on your heart and/or told you you were NOT AS GOOD AS WHITE MAN (or some other nonsense) you are in here raising cain like every black woman has done it to you. You don’t see me in here complaining about anyone thinking less of me. While it is totally backwards to bash someone you were once with to anyone, I don’t think everyone in here should be held accountable for what one (or even 1000) black women said and/or did to you. It is utterly pathetic……AND no, I won’t shut up about it….dayummit. NOT when you are in here spouting trash and certain others are believing it. I HAVE NEVER BASHED A BLACK MAN because it is counter productive in soooo many ways……(like I have said before, “you hurt me….you hurt YOURSELF”….I believe that goes both ways). And just because I am not in here kissing anyone’s ass it get’s twisted that I am attacking someone. I will repeat (for those that are proving to be illiterate)….I am allergic to B.S……PERIOD. And EVERYONE is capable of spitting a little from time to time. I just have to call it like I see it. My distaste for someone’s tactics should not be miscontrued as me hating/bashing the person or his “race”…..GEESH, anyone that can’t fathom that….OH WELL.
I need no one’s pity…..but don’t mistake my compassion for anything other that just that either.
Being positive does NOT make you a PUNK/PUSSY…..sorry, maybe you have never been truly exposed to an example of that in your “real” life. BUT I am here and I am not going anywhere because of a few bad apples rollin around the barrel. And hey if you want to take that as a negative I will say to you “Actually some bad apples can make good apple sauce”…….
You keep making reference on how you would “handle” me…..LMAO (wow how does it feel to be a walk stereotype????) The fact that sex has to be some sort of “tactic” for you speaks LOUDER than anything you could ever pretend to know about my character…
And hey Legion/Az…..I feel your pain (if you are being sincere). I am sure there are better places than this to “learn” all that you need to…(google is a wonderful thing…not being funny, either). This place actually used to be a cool place to get some unbiased advice. But you must understand that some of us here have been around for awhile and have watched the “characters” come and go. They “attack” and move on….But this new one….OMG….he is “special”….lol. Sorry to hear that you will let the exchange here taint your judgement of ALL black people (kind of ridiculous…but OH WELL….I guess L. Queens job is done where you are concerned). But understanding is a two-way street and rare finds are just that “rare” (if you are truly looking you should not give up over what you have seen on ONE blog). Now if you actually already formulated your opinion and were just coming here to confirm certain things then YOU were already “tainted” to begin with and NO ONE here would have been able to reach you……(not “trying to harsh” only stating how I see this). It is excellent that you say you would not debate a white woman if she chose to date IR…..but as you she this is not the case here. The women here MUST defend their right to love who they wish……SAD BUT TRUE. Sorry that you had to come to that revelation this. But just know this…..IT DOES NOT EXIST EVERYWHERE. Yeah, I had the option to let this character run amuck on these boards but I chose not to…because I see this for what it is……and AM NOT AFRAID.(most “victims” are though, you know).
Anywho…..peace onto you and all that you do….
tatted2death
Comment by Azrazyel on 7 July 2009:
I appreciate your sentiments tatted. I’m just trying to reach a good conclusion for myself, that maybe it isn’t that bad as I perceive it to be. Is it foolishness upon my self???….quite possibly. I’m just seeking advice from someone that’s levelheaded….and maybe someone who has (well obviously) experience in dealing with the hardships and the (I’m sure) many positives and wonderful things that happen in IR dating.
There are two basic sides to me right now:
1. (The Angel) - “Hey, if a black woman really has interest in a white man, you should really pay closer attention and not assume everything as void and unrealistic.”
2. (The Devil) - “Na man, all black women are using white men to get back at black men for dating out. They don’t really love you, they just want payback.”
LMAO….that’s what I’m battling right now. Honestly, that’s what I feel. I want to believe the angel (’cos I hate the devil…lol) because a lot of the turmoil I see here, well….it’s just here. Doesn’t mean everywhere. I get that.
As I’ve stated before, I want to find me a wonderful black woman. Someone …ahhh nevermind….just read my profile…lol.
I’m guessing for someone (me) who has NEVER dated out, I mean Hell, no one in my immediate family, relatives or friends has ever done that….I plan to change it (I will say my brother is married to a Hispanic woman) . It’s all a learning process for me, I have no problem finding a white woman, but since (1 year) I decided that love isn’t just within my race, and beauty comes in black women also, not just looks, but personality matters most.
That is what I am attracted too, Black and Latino women more than any other at this time. It’s all an extravaganza of cycling-recycling distortions of normal and paranormal and unusually abnormal thought patterns. I hope to get it all resolved soon, so I can move forth with my feelings and pursue what I seek and desire.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 7 July 2009:
Dear Azrazyel
I admire you for being able to “avoid” the “loose booty” types. They throw tantrums and blame the world for their dating woes. I plan to write about the different type of black women to avoid or only use for sex. Due to my work schedule I have to find time to write my essay on it.
Obviously “the one” that is the room is still throwing derogatory statements about white men.
I will continue this further I am watching the first 48 hours.
Comment by Dee on 7 July 2009:
Why do black men frequently marry white woman?
I’ve noticed many black professional athletes, entertainers, doctors, and lawyers have white wives. Why is that? Is there a shortage of black women? Do affluent black men see marrying a white woman as a status symbol? How does it make black women feel to be subordinated this way? I see this all the time and I don’t understand.
Self-hatred IS THE MAIN caused by the white media’s negative portrayal of blackness. Emasculation caused by living as a Black man in this society, but not being allowed to truly be a man.
Only the confused Black men do this. The smart, educated, self-loving, self-respecting Black men don’t do this. Of course, true love is an exception but its rare, most do so for various reasons but not for love.
Black women have become stronger than Black men. They have to be, because they have become the sole protectors and providers of the family, and have to deal with negativity from everyone. Black women move up the corporate ladder faster, more Black women attend and graduate College than
Black men, and Black women succeed more professionally than Black men. Somewhere around 72% of Black men under 30 who dropped out of high school have been to jail, and they are 7 times more likely to be convicted of a crime that a white man also committed. The media paints a cheerful picture, but statistics don’t lie. Black men, because they aren’t free to be men here in
America, or in other Western dominant places where they are persecuted and oppressed and have to change themselves to be accepted. They do not like strong Black women, because it makes them feel EVEN LESS of a man than they already feel. Because he feels insecure he will bash and berate
Black women tell lies and even take her down.
The aggressive hip hop, the crime, sexual promiscuity, gang-banging, the over-sized clothes, all this is done in vain to make them FEEL like more of a man than they are treated. They say Black women have attitudes, which some do, but most do not. Black women are just not very tolerant of bad behavior and call these men out on their B.S. While white women sometimes have “attitudes” too, they are regular people, but white women are believed to be less challenging to a man’s masculinity.
Black women who are in the know just look on in disbelief. But Black women who don’t know what is at the root of this don’t know what to think. They just think that maybe this is America becoming a melting pot. It is, but there is more to the story. If you want to know more check out this book list at amazon.com . Pay attention to the book called “The Color Complex”.
Just know this for sure: the legacy of slavery and persecution and segregation and poverty has left many Black people with an intense self-hatred especially in the United States. Africans have some issues as well, but they tend to stay together. They marry each other, and do not usually date white women or men. They have more of a sense of culture, pride and accomplishment. U.S. Blacks do not really have a strong sense of culture or identity, because a lot of them do not even know where they come from in Africa, many do not even want to know because they believe Africa is an inferior place.
How much of a sense of pride or identity can you feel when you’re of African descent and your first name is Tanisha or Keshia (nice first names) and your last name is Ferguson or O’Donnell or Rothschild. The unique first names are an attempt to fill the void.
This is one thing you should know for sure, its all a dirty secret among Black people. Black men will never admit they treat Black women poorly, disrespect them collectively. but ths should be obvious to you if you just observe and listen.
Hope this helps!
Comment by MsZ17 on 9 July 2009:
Chris Rock doesn’t speak for me and he sure can’t speak for ALL black women. I certainly don’t get upset seeing black males and white females - I could care less. I’m sure some black women do just as some black men get upset seeing white males and black females together. So what? What does this prove, anyway? Since when did he become a source of information for black female’s dating preferences? No woman is “desperate”. That was really a stupid thinbg to say and I can’t believe I’m even commenting on it.
I date interacially becasue I am attracted to different men, not because of desperation! Honestly, I happen to find Asian men the HOTTEST men around! Whenever you say “interracial”, we in this country only think Black/White. That’s old news for me.
The white media wants us to think no other men are attracted to black women but that is a BIG lie! Black women are desireable and are not desperate. Besides, I’ve never liked Chris Rock. He’s too profane!
Comment by Just sayin on 10 July 2009:
Well i cannot say that what he said was completely untrue because there are many black women who feel like (including my own mother)
IN my opinion, black men can date whoever they want, life is too short to short to become so worked up over “small stuff”. If a black man decides all he want to date is black women then so be it; it is not black womens place to even be mad at black men for dating whomever they want
As for black women and desperation:
-there are indeed some women who feel like black men are running out and they dont have any other options
-There are also women who see dating white men as “selling out”
-Then there are some who just love them more than any other race of men
As for me black men are beautiful in every way but they are nothing to lose sleep over running out of. There are beautiful men in every race and I would date each and every one to find him. I would never only date another race because I felt like I was running out of my own (i would be indeed insulted if he did that with me). I would still date a white man or any man if ALL black men were only dating black women.
*As I child I was in love with Van Diesal, Will Smith, Richard Gere, and Antonio Banderas…*
Comment by Just sayin on 10 July 2009:
Corrections: in second paragraph it should say White women after, “All he want to date is…”
Comment by malarki5 on 11 July 2009:
MsZ17 said:
The white media wants us to think no other men are attracted to black women but that is a BIG lie! Black women are desireable…
Menelik asks:
Just out of interest, can you tell me WHO controls and operates “the white media”? Who is that is spreading this notion that Black women are not attractive?
White women?
Menelik Charles
London England
Comment by malarki5 on 11 July 2009:
Peanut said:
just look at how many Bm are walking around with their kids …THEN notice what color they are. 98 times out of a 100 those kids are bi-racial. From my pov that seems to indicate they don’t really want to be there for their kids if they are chocolate and more willing to if they are not. That indicates a self-esteem issue with black men.
Menelik asks:
are you still here, Peanut? I thought (hoped) you’d get a nice white boy, move to the burbs, have your own bi-racial kid, comb its wavy black hair, glory in its complexion, and leave Black men the-hell-alone!
Can’t you just go some place else and just be a hockey mom for the remainder of your life?
Menelik Charles
London England
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 11 July 2009:
Dear Peanut
I live in Williamsport PA. Since I am in a mostly white town but the area I am in (is mainly black). I do see black men with their biracial children walking around. I was driving down the street with my fiancee and I was like look at these coco puff children.
I would have to agree I don’t know why black men are more active in their biracial children lives more than their fully black children lives. I don’t think it is low self esteem. I think some black men grow up with overbearing black mothers. So when they get older “they want” to get away from that.
I have had black men tell me that black women complain and nag to much. My mother was a nagger and complainer. My fiancee is similar to my mother. It is so spooky it is not even funny. They are both born on the same month December 13 and December 9.
From my experience talking to white women. I hate to say it but white women go out their way to treat you good. Black women tend to be very cynical. Even if they meet a new black man to date they got their guards up all the time.
Now it is different in my church because most of the black women are “middle class or upper class”. They tend to be accepting of the man being the leader. I rarely see conflict in the relationships at my church. Maybe, it is church and I don’t see it. For the record, my fiancee friend at church, an older black lady, she has a white husband and they have 4 kids together (young kids).
When I first got to the church I didn’t even know they were together. The lady is very outgoing and she don’t goes on and on about her white husband. He is the deacon of the church so he is popular in this black church. Like I said, I can’t lump all interracial relationships together.
Then again if you went to a white church do you think an interracial relationship would be accepted in that church? Black people are always accepting, white people are not that much if you ask me.
Comment by Ichibod on 11 July 2009:
Sir LQ, What’s up?
When this was said to me days ago I had a few questions about this observation. Are the black fathers that seem to be taking more of an interest in there bi-racial children’s lives the decent, educated black men or the knucklehead black men? I think 1 control group of 100 men (if it’s that imperative to do so) is not enough. Control groups consisting of different types of black men (since there are different types) should be examined as well. Many of these responsible black fathers may be just as responsible for their children if their spouses were black. If you see some knucklehead dude with a child, what does his woman look like? How many other kids does he have besides her’s? And is the child you see him with even his? There are a lot more variables that go into research than what many have presented and try to pass off as fact.
By the way, nice work with that PHDee chump. He called me out, too! I can’t believe he, being a black man, thinks we’re all the same… and pathetic excuses for men on top of that. I hung out on FAMU and FSU campuses for all of ‘98. My brother is a Kappa. I know about the K-Sweets. He must think we’re stupid or something.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 12 July 2009:
Dear ICH
I agree with you. I don’t knock the black fraternities. I have many friends in them. But they are womanizers no question about it. Do they remain that way of course not. Just from observation it looks like black men take care of their biracial children.
I know many black men that raise their children period. My cousin has a wife and two kids. So black men do raise their black children.
My theory is black women overlook the college or nerdy type black men and white women date them. Then they got the nerve to get mad about it.
I am aware some black women have said they have dated the nerdy type black men and came up with the same results. Again, just because you dated them out of being generous. Does not mean they don’t harbor resentment towards you.
It is tough it seems like they can’t win either way.
ICH FAMU and FSU campuses are notorious. They have black bike week down there I think. I love Florida because their are so many exotic women. At the same time some of they are loose. I don’t even tell them my father got a big house in Orlando Florida. I usually stay there. They will latch onto you in a minute.
PHD made some good points. He is just a hypocrite. You can’t be lecturing to us and your friends are all Frats. Then say black men go to college for sex. If that is the case black women go their for sex too. The frats never had to work for pussy. I use to see women coming in and out of their dorms. Sometimes they had threesomes. I had a girlfriend at the time. One guy use to have his dorm next to my girlfriend’s dorm.
He use to “grill me” like he was in love with her or something. I am sure they had a “fling”. He looked at me upset. I guess he thought because he was a “fly guy” he could take my woman.
Most them them muscle heads and athletes anyway.
Comment by malarki5 on 12 July 2009:
Mr Laurelton said:
I would have to agree I don’t know why black men are more active in their biracial children lives more than their fully black children lives. I don’t think it is low self esteem. I think some black men grow up with overbearing black mothers. So when they get older “they want” to get away from that.
Menelik replied:
we may also add into the equation the nerdy-type Black men who Black women rejected - not least because of the lack of drama they offer, and who went on the have settled i.e. drama-free unions with white female partners.
Menelik Charles
London England
Comment by Peanut on 12 July 2009:
To
Menelik Charles
London England
(Can’t you just go some place else and just be a hockey mom for the remainder of your life?)
Let me get this straight, you are not even from this country and you’re on this site trying to get heavy with me on this topic. Americans have a very different history with regard to race than Europe. That should be clear from the start.
I have to run along now but I will deal with you later.
Comment by Peanut on 12 July 2009:
And btw meditate on the fact that bm in this country consistently “reject” darker sinned bw. They always have. So how is that any different from the bw you mentioned that are rejecting the “nerdy” bm?
Comment by Ichibod on 12 July 2009:
My very first girlfriend and my ex (fiance) were both a lot darker than me.
Comment by Bougie on 13 July 2009:
I don’t think he was on the money with that comment, alot of black men and other races think that all a black woman could ever fathom of wanting is a black man, but that’s not the case. There are many many black women who do prefer BM but there are many who are attracted to other races of men as well, its not exactly ok to be vocal about being a BW who is interewsted in other races of men either so maybe that’s why. Black men in general, cant fathom a BW wanting anything else, except out of desperation, im not sure what that says. I have never dated man out of desperation that’s for sure, and i have been very attracted to men of other races, and they have been to me as well. If people only knew!
Comment by tatted2death on 15 July 2009:
I think you have got something there, Bougie….as to why Chris Rock felt the need to address this particular subject matter. Quite possibly his woman/slash wife has been vocal about “being open” to other “races” of men…..and this might have sent poor Chris’ psyche into a tizzy…….and as we all know comedians get most (or at the very least, A LOT) of their material from life experience……Just a thought; just speaking on where CHRIS might have been coming from…..NOT ALL BLACK MEN (dang it.. I am disclaiming my posts now…….whooo wheee…lol)
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by tatted2death on 15 July 2009:
…..And why is it always with the nerdy guy whine…..
Nerds RULE…..literally….lol.
I have never counted a guy out because he was not “rough neck” enough or whatever….that is just ridiculous. And doesn’t it all work out in the end anyway. I mean, chances are the women that REALLY want the thugish type were going to be more “drama” then they wanted to deal with anyway. So, in effect these women might have “helped” you expand your dating options….that in the end led you to be more content. I know I might be stretching it a bit there but that is me; lemonade from lemons…lol.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 15 July 2009:
Dear London
You make good points. From my observation I think things are changing. Sometimes black men with education tend to be more arrogant and aggressive. ( I have been told that for some reason).
Even thugs are dating outside of their race. I live in PA and I was surprised to see that. I told my woman what is the world coming too.
In general, black women overall don’t want a soft man. I can’t say nerdy black men can be associated as “soft”. The age of man can make women look at you differently. I would factor in the age. I am 30 years old. In my early 20s, I was the “nice guy”. You get older and you just don’t put up with the “ankle” black women to much anymore. In my 20s, I use to put up with A LOT of shit. Even the chubby black girls back then thought they ‘were fly”. I don’t know if it was the cinabun they were eating or what. Then you get older and your like “Man what the fuck was I thinking”.
Usually, these black women whine your never around when you are working or going to school. They are extremely needy. I tell them I will get you a little dog to play with. You too worried about what I am doing.
Anyway, I have been away working on my new post for my blog. Everybody talks about the problem but never solutions to black women dating.
I call it “Date a Black man working full time”. It has been controversial. Some of the nappy headed black girls was like ” what if she is a lawyer” and his a “security guard”? (making faces) These pathetic women can’t see the forest from the trees.
Again do you pay all the bills by YOURSELF? Even if he was a security guard, at least he bringing money in.
I plan to fine tune it.
I changed the layout of my blog. Made it more professional. I am tired of playing games with these nappy headed black women.
Thank you
http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
Comment by justbehappy on 15 July 2009:
i think it’s so sad how this topic even is an issue in today’s generation. I personally blame society on this matter because for so long thay have portrayed being black as a negative thing and really its not. and its so stupid that the black race is falling into this crap ( black men and women not wanting to date their own kind). i think the problem is that alot of people see black as ugly (mainly black women) and alot of black people are falling for it.
Comment by Elyse on 17 July 2009:
black people, don’t you ever get tired of it? i mean really, the bickering, the negativity, the one upping? on every website it is the same, why do black people feel they own each other? it is stifling on some levels. Why are we made to explain ourselves ad nauseum. i sure don’t. i am well aware of how racist this society is to the core, i have seen the racist hypocrisy of both blacks and whites. maybe alot of black women aren’t interested in white men, why wouldl they be, most never grew up with them or have only seen the negative doings of racist white male america. on the other hand, on tv the whtie man is a loving husband, dedicated father, the love interest. ( in media i say) now this alone staunchly tells us that the MEDIA does not shape everyone’s mind, as people seem to assume.
we see white men all day everyday on television, but many black women still prefer their black men. Many black men also staill prefer their black women. Can we at least agree on that. Black women are caught in an interesting paradox with white men in society, historically, what has he done to uplift us, to celebrate us, to help us out of our struggle, not much.
Historically speaking, the relationship was one sided, with theem having most of the power and us having very little, down through the years yes, some black women/ white men fell in love, some cherished each other.
This being said, its 2009, history of course still affects our daily lives, slavery still has its legacy in black communities and how we think of ourselves in relation with this country. Yet, why are we not able to say that all white people are not racists, nor hate blacks. The thing is, you don’t know who to trust.
I am not a victim, so i won’t speak like one. I am a black woman who is diverse, who love sa plate of west african ( senegalese, malian) food more than soul food. You might catch me listening to Coldplay , Nina Simone, Nine Inch Nails or The Clash on any given day. I have had to explain that to alot of black people, who are so quick to define what is “black and not black”, it seems what they really mean is, what is black is what is “limited” and “unintelligent”. Stereotypically.
I have options, i always have, i have seen some white meen that have made my heart skip a beat, some are very handsome, the cleverness, the conversation, Yes it is different. I have seen some fine Indian, Pakistani, Black ,Arabic etc. If i have ever gravitated toward a man, it wasn’t because of no option, it was because i was compelled. Some sisters may feel that way about black men, black men only will do for them, that’s them and that’s fine, nothing wrong with that. but please don’t assume desperation is the thing that drove a black woman to a white man.
It’s taboo to admit that there is just as much of a fascination/ attraction with white men, they are attractive, they are men, just like any other men, but yes, some black women find them attractive, and not out of desperation!
Comment by tatted2death on 18 July 2009:
The media might not completely shape everyone’s mind but it sure does have an impact on those that let it go unchecked.
Yes, there are women that still prefer whatever they prefer….and there are also women that do everything in their power to emulate the images they see in the magazines and on TV at the very same time. Individual choice is just that and the discussion will continue because it obviously NEEDS to when there are “cancerous” thoughts floating around out there. We may not ever be able to wipe them out completely …..but make no mistake; it is a battle….A CONSTANT BATTLE. These repeatitive blog topics about how “sad” the black woman is and “why isn’t she married”…blah-blah…are just another form of media that ALOT of people read and ABSORB. People are coming away from these blogs with certain views. My wish is that they will see that women that are willing to speak their minds (EVEN to the aforementioned “ad nauseum”) on this matter and NOT let negativity run rampant. One-upping is NOT the issue here at all. I am no better or worse than any one person on here….BUT I will not succumb to the nonsense either….Just setting all that straight…
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by Peanut on 19 July 2009:
(Menelik asks:
Just out of interest, can you tell me WHO controls and operates “the white media”? Who is that is spreading this notion that Black women are not attractive?
White women?)
You may have hit the nail on the head right there. Take a look at the credits in any movie or tv show in which you see a bw character that is stereotypically unattractive in some way and notice the name of the people that did the casting.
when the director asks for a bw the casting director send a pile of head shots and videos. The casting directors do the initial selecting and the director makes the final choice.
(Menelik asks:
are you still here, Peanut? I thought (hoped) you’d get a nice white boy, move to the burbs, have your own bi-racial kid, comb its wavy black hair, glory in its complexion, and leave Black men the-hell-alone!)
That’s precisely what I have done you potato. You read enough of my posts to generate resentment towards me but somehow missed the idea that I’m not looking to date bm.
I don’t know if you are black menelik but I would like to ask also, why there are some many black men on this thread saying anything at all anyway?
ichabod, I’m not saying you are some don juan but you MUST have dated at least 20 women in your lifetime and if one of the darker ones was 12 yrs old and the only other one came years later than that’s 2 out of 20 women. That only supports my earlier comment.
Comment by Taffy000 on 19 July 2009:
There are attractive and unattractive men and women of all races. Personally I like a physically attractive man. I could not date a White man just because he’s a White man. As I’ve gotten older, and been online I find myself attracted to men from other cultures. They generally have an understanding about racial issues that a lot of White man may not have.
I think some older White men think all they need to pick up a Black woman is to post a photo of themselves posed next to a car, any car and in front of a house. In their mind, the car and house indicate their wealth. I mean after all, is a Black woman going to have her own house & car…..(ARRGGHHHH)
While I know there have to be some women out there who view a White man as some sort of free ticket, I’m not like that. Not all Black women grew up on welfare with no daddy in the home. I really can’t stand the men who have never dated a Black woman but claim they would “love to.” We all know just what they would love to do.
I don’t think it’s fair to narrow this attitude of dating a man you’re not attracted to avoid a situation or to better yourself financially to Black women.
Comment by julius26 on 19 July 2009:
Peanut i think your twisted
Comment by Ichibod on 19 July 2009:
And I thought you said you didn’t watch much TV. You’re right, I’m no Don Juan. I’ve only had 2 girlfriends in my 31 years of life. Both of them we’re black. And I was engaged to one. How’s that for a man knowing how to keep his pants on… and a black one, at that. Still aiming your guns at the wrong black men. You’re hurting yourself, Sweet Pea. Stop it!
Comment by prettybrowneyes on 19 July 2009:
Ich, just because you are a rare black man does not make you special. Im not aiming my guns any the wrong black men, only ignorant black men; and those that date IR yet have issues with black women dating IR. Now unless you are one of those men, then get your facts straight and SHUT UP!
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 19 July 2009:
QQ in the room
I just waiting until my name is mentioned. I will be the first black man to get a cyber space restraining order if a woman talk to me like that.
Comment by julius26 on 19 July 2009:
No prettybrowneyes ichibod is not a rare blackman, not every blackman puts it about. And as for the blackmen who dislike IR there are plenty of whitemen, chinsemen, indiamen and latinomen who dislike it also.And yes i dont like black men who do IR but slam black women for doing it, but there are also black woman who think the same thing.
Hypocrite on both sides iam afriad
Comment by Ichibod on 20 July 2009:
Who needs to get their facts straight? It was assumed that I MUST have dated such and such number of women and that assumption supposedly supported an earlier comment. Did it really? The assumption maybe, but not the truth. You don’t have issues with “ignorant black men”, you have issues with black men period. I have no issues with anyone dating interracially. I have cousins that are married interracially to white men. Besides, how many ignorant black men do you know on this blog? Why not called them by name rather than just “black men”? Oh, because black men like me are so rare that such harsh blankets statements about black men should be properly distributed amongst those to which they belong before they get to me, right? You’re such a simpleton!
Comment by prettybrowneyes on 20 July 2009:
You need to get your facts straight that’s who! Ich, you are one of the many ignorant black men that I speak of; simple as that. I have issues with ignorant blackmen, not blackmen in general; makes me no difference to me wheather you believe it or not. you, laurenton for starters but that is besides the point, you have made it clear that ignorant black men exist. i never made any blanket statements about blackmen, only ignorant black men. you bbd crew members. You are such a stupid idiot!
Comment by prettybrowneyes on 20 July 2009:
julius26 you are right, no ich is not a rare black man, but a typical one. Calling me names due to my having an opinion makes him typical. I agree with you; there are hypocrites on both sides here, but you have more black men slaming on black women as justification for dating IR which is very hyprcritical. I don’t care about ich at all, he means nothing to me and he is not someone that I know or care to know.
Comment by prettybrowneyes on 20 July 2009:
julius26 ich has shown himself to be a typical blackman, and calling me a simpleton proves that.
Comment by Ichibod on 20 July 2009:
I didn’t call her a name for having an opinion. I called her a name for telling me to shut up when no words or comments were previously directed toward her. Why is she going off on me? Is “simpleton” worse than a “stupid idiot”? Yea, you have to agree. There are hypocrites here. I just got attacked for my opinions and facts about myself. You called me rare, and then said I was typical. Describe a typical black men.
Comment by Peanut on 20 July 2009:
Oh boy,
wires were crossed.
ich, first, if you only had 2 girlfriends in your whole life there is something wrong there. The fact that after all that celibacy you get engaged and then don’t follow through, somethin’s up there. And if you weren’t celibate then the women you slept with in between your 2 gfs were not dark.
Second, just in case you have this extremely rare background with women doesn’t make me wrong about black men virtually ignoring dark black women in favor of light skinned or non black women. any dark skinned black woman will give you countless (personal) examples of this.
Also (here you go again) I never said bm couldn’t keep their pants on. I said it was not ANY woman’s responsibility to make sure that they did. I said it was the man’s responsibility (regardless of the woman’s wanton behavior).
And Julius,
What’s twisted about me?
PBE is right about too many bm being hypocrites. I have walked down the street with my wbf and walked past plenty of bm WITH their wgf and received dirty looks from them. Most of the time that doesn’t happen the other way around. These bw are too busy being happily loved and couldn’t care less about the bm and his wgf.
Like I said earlier, bw and wm couples are exceptional people (sorry to say it but they are usually more mature) because they HAVE to be. They get more abuse than the other IR couples and will only stay together out of deep respect and affection. Lust isn’t enough to keep them together the way it CAN with other IR couples.
Comment by Peanut on 20 July 2009:
Oh and just so you know, when I refer to couples here, I’m referring to normal people with all their chromosomes lined up, not hillbilly hookups.
Also ich, I don’t watch tv but I know there are casting directors in all visual media. I do see a lot of movies though and you see the same thing in them as well. Stop trying so hard to make me wrong. I am not hurting anyone here except maybe YOU. and you don’t have to stick around since this thread is about bw and wm.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 20 July 2009:
Hold the HELL ON.
Pretty you didn’t mention my name. I don’t even know what your angry about. Did somebody put itching powder in your tampon.
Your just mad white men use you for sex. Take your anger up with them. Don’t come here ranting and raving like a Jamaican girl on the subway. People will just look at you strange.
When are you going to stop using us as an excuse as to why white men will not take you serious in relationship?
From my understanding, black men can’t stop you from seeing white men. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“What is stopping you now”? We haven’t even mentioned the whole black woman with white men thing in ‘weeks”.
I am ignorant simply because I don’t agree with your view on dating.
I will tell you what you do with your anger. Write a LONG letter to E Harmony and tell them why white men is not “checking” for me. They got everybody marked by your ashy ass. But you want to run on here and lash out at us.
Go to the gym and workout then you won’t have any excuses.
Comment by Ichibod on 21 July 2009:
This thread is about whether black women have options or not.
” isn’t that part of this whole topic? (black men exercising their options… use them, date other women, leave black women alone”
“and you don’t have to stick around since this thread is about bw and wm.”
“And who said the other man had to be white anyway?”
Are you even sure what blog you’re on anymore? My first comment on this thread was in regard to Chris Rock. Is there really something wrong with me not having a “harem” as you so succinctly put it? Is it not possible for two people to grow apart for one reason or another (that’s right, I’m a black man so assume the break up was my fault). And now that I think about it (skin tone has never been a factor with me), the black women I have slept with were my complexion or darker. No reason why, that’s just how they were born.
” I never said bm couldn’t keep their pants on. I said it was not ANY woman’s responsibility to make sure that they did. I said it was the man’s responsibility”
What I said about me and my pants is beside the point. A man will sling it wherever a woman lets him. If she doesn’t, it’s called rape if he does. We’ve already been over that.
“the fact that bm in this country consistently “reject” darker sinned bw. They always have. So how is that any different from the bw you mentioned that are rejecting the “nerdy” bm?”
It’s different because nerds comes in all shades and are often rejected by women of any race, unless they are nerds themselves.
I’m still tripping off of you having a problem with my lack of promiscuity. (”I don’t have a problem” is what your saying to yourself). Tell me why, after all these years, none of your white men have proposed or married you? “I’m certainly not going to discuss my dating history with you” blah blah yadda yadda shut it. That’s right, men don’t want to get married until they’re old or something else silly you said. Just turn lesbo with prettybrowneyes. Then you’ll be ranting about which race has the best and worst women. How long will it be before you find something wrong with or start to hate black women?
Please go away. Pretty please? Trust me, making you wrong is not rocket science. That’s not even what I’m trying to do here. I’ve never told my cousins they were sucking white d!ck. So please keep my screen name out of your keystrokes. Where is your dad? Give him his sperm back. Cease to exist.
Comment by Peanut on 21 July 2009:
Ich,
You really need to learn to master this language of ours before you start trying to spar with me. Just because you pasted some of my open minded comments from before doesn’t mean I’m contradicting myself. None of the quotes you listed there are contradictory. ??
My husband IS white as a matter of fact and I’d been proposed to by two other white men before him but I turned them down for very solid reasons. My divorce is not yet final.(don’t bother asking anything else about it either)
I am not “tripping” about your history with women. You said (2) of them were dark and (one had to be around 12-15 years old - your first girlfriend )- and the other an adult that was your fiance. So 2 women for a lifetime is rare if not odd. Can’t you just see that? Anybody can date someone for a few weeks then move on. That counts as someone you approached and were attracted to. If this only occurred with you 2 times in your whole life then that’s odd! It doesn’t mean you’re gay (which apparently you think I’m trying to suggest since you are now accusing me of being gay) it’s just odd. I wasn’t suggesting that you’d be dating 20 women at the same time! But once again you CHOSE to get things twisted here just so you can trying claiming that my feelings are wrong.
(“the fact that bm in this country consistently “reject” darker sinned bw. They always have. So how is that any different from the bw you mentioned that are rejecting the “nerdy” bm?”
It’s different because nerds comes in all shades and are often rejected by women of any race, unless they are nerds themselves)
Yeah I guess you’re right, it’s WORSE to be rejecting black women because of their darker skin so who’s the villain there? MY point was many bm have a preference (that for better or worse) they are entitled to and bw have theirs as well. It’s not fair to slam bw for avoiding “nerds” when bm tend to avoid “chocolate” women. Are YOU attracted to nerdy women?
I seriously think you have ADD or some other communication disorder because you just cannot write a linear thought to save your life.
And I’ll stay away as long as bw are not being slammed here. That I will not tolerate. Queenie is just a garden variety misogynist and you are not far behind. So he can write statements with the words “nappy headed” in them all he wants. It just blows in the wind now.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 21 July 2009:
Hold the HELL ON.
Bitchassness ALERT (CODE RED) Peanut said this
“My husband IS white as a matter of fact and I’d been proposed to by two other white men before him but I turned them down for very solid reasons. My divorce is not yet final.(don’t bother asking anything else about it either”
Ho you forfeit the right speak on any matters. I am sorry I cannot take your ass serious anymore.
I am a misogynist and you are an adulterer. Right Mrs Brokedown “Lisa Raye”.
Man you got some fucking nerve to talk and you are not even divorced yet.
You don’t got a husband if you are not divorced yet. I didn’t know you could marry someone else and not be divorced yet.
Listen do not respond to ANYBODY. Until you are divorced. You are a ho from now on.
Good day.
Comment by tatted2death on 21 July 2009:
While I do (REALLY) appreciate your spirit Peanut I have to say I am beginning to respect Ich more and more. First of all, what does he have to gain by exposing his (limited) relationship history in here???….NOTHING. So therefore why would he lie. I feel his pain in the sense I have had another individual here try and paint me as “loose”/promiscuous and it is nothing nice. While you have not done that to Ich it still kind of stings that his relationship history is ON FRONT PAGE right now. Please let’s just agree to kill the noise on that one…..(besides, how could you EVER prove that he is lying, sis…..lol).
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by Ichibod on 21 July 2009:
No one called you gay.
I didn’t start dating until I was 19, and my first was 17. Odd? Well, I was a nerd, and I’m attracted to many different types of women including dark skinned and nerds. Every women I been with in and out of a relationship has approached me. And whether 20 at a time or 20 over the course of 13 years, 20 is too high of a number. Less than 10 is more like it. It’s funny how those kinda of men used to be valued. Yes, I guess it is worse to reject women for thier darker skin. Even worse if a man is rejected for his darker skin (duh!). Trust me, I’ve gotten a lot of that and I’m brown (or just ‘black/African American’?). Why do men reject darker skinned black women? I don’t know because I don’t think in those terms. Makes no sense to me.
“My husband IS white” (oh, really?) “as a matter of fact and I’d been proposed to by two other white men before him but I turned them down for very solid reasons.”(I guess no one else can have solid reasons for not following through) “My divorce is not yet final.(don’t bother asking anything else about it either)” He just wasn’t treating you right I imagine. I won’t ask about it. It seems you can’t make it work with a white man either. Did you watch those patterns carefully, more importantly did you watch “behavior” carefully to include that in your research? Through first hand experience this time?
No one was slamming black women for avoiding nerds or the mechanic. There was merely a parallel being drawn as to black women ending up with ‘dirt’ black men instead of seeking out black men that are truly interested in loving and caring for them. After the many exchanges that we keep having, Pea, it’s seems you keep missing something for some reason. Where have I ever bashed a black woman for what black women are? I haven’t. Because I think saying black women are anything is stupid when I don’t know all and haven’t met all black women. Where have you not said anything derogatory about black men on the grounds of bragging about yourself and your infatuation for white men? This is my only issue with you. I’ve even sent you compliments, kudos, and stuff and you just keep coming. Where is your dad? Daddy’s little girl hates you. But she’s too proud of herself to tell her mother that she wishes she were never born. Anything you’ve mentioned about a black man is the same for any man of any race. Who cares if statistics are higher for blacks in certain areas. That doesn’t make them black or black male problems. They are just problems. I hope can you can see that now from your failed relationships with white men.
Open minded comments? You think celibacy is odd, all black men are crap, and men can whore themselves around without the assistance of women. That’s openmindedness to you?
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 21 July 2009:
QQ in at Tatted (The One)
“Loose and promiscous” ‘ Painting you??????????????
I don’t know when the world turned crazy. All I know an adulteress and a loose booty is the voice of reason in this room now!
IM DONE!
Comment by tatted2death on 21 July 2009:
Stop lying, L. Queens…..you aren’t “DONE”….lol.
You won’t be done until you have all the women in here on there hands and knees being you concubines/maids…..LOL. While I don’t know everything of Peanut’s situation (therefore won’t speak on it)….I KNOW what I am about. And your whole “loose booty” scenario you have drawn (”painting” might be too sophisticated….LOL) up for me is EXACTLY when and where YOU turned YOUR world “CUUUUURAAAAZEEE”……LMAO. My post wasn’t even about you, YOU EGO-MANIACAL NARCISSIST……lol. (I’d RATHER have “anger issues”….lol)
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by tatted2death on 21 July 2009:
and in my previous post I meant to add…..”…, if he was lying”….just want it to be clear that I am NOT a cynic like a lot of people on here.
Comment by tatted2death on 21 July 2009:
And hey, ICH……you keep being you, dayummit….lol. Gotta love a person that stands away from the crowd (even IF it is not the “popular” thing to do).
Peace and Blessings
(Have a Great Day Everyone)
tatted2death
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 21 July 2009:
Tatt
I know you are not defending Peanut aka Broke down Lisa Raye.
She said she is not “divorced yet” but has a white “husband” spanking her that is not her husband’s. This is adultery. How you have a husband and your divorce has not gone through. That means you were sleeping with two men at the same time.
(throwing hands up) QQ around. This is acceptable???
Get this she says ” she will not comment on why she is an adulteress”
Tatt you need to speak on it. See people think I am crazy. Everything I have said about them is “true”.
Loose booties, mistresses, and adultery. Does the white man know what he is getting himself into??????????????????????????????????????
Comment by Peanut on 21 July 2009:
Okay retardation is like radiation and it’s spreading. LOL!! Queenie, I’m not cheating on anyone. I’m just not divorced yet. And before either of you try to blame me for it I’ll say this. It has a lot to do (at the core) with his mother! And the reason the divorce is not yet final is because he and his lawyer are having a hard time finding their way to the post office to mail off that signed paperwork to the courts. Are you saying I can’t date while I’m separated?!
Ich I’ll get back to you. You are a serial twister.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 21 July 2009:
Now let me get this right.
You said to ICH you have a white husband. YET, you are not technically divorced yet. I don’t think you can be married and not be divorced yet. This was by your own admission broke down Lisa Raye.
Here you go with the excuses as to “why” your divorce is not over yet. If a man said this, you would say he is hiding something. I just think your full of shit. You was sleeping with both men.
Now you want to come off like “your innocent”. His mother is in the way how? His mother must think your a slut bucket. Obviously, his delay in sending the paperwork is because he is upset at you for being an adulteress.
Na you can’t date when you are separated. Learn to have some self control. Your so quick to jump with another white man with money that you dropped your panties quick.
I lost all respect for you. You are pathetic. Your an embarrassment to all black women.
Blaming his mother. That is really “low”.
Comment by Peanut on 21 July 2009:
LOL!!!
Queenie,
When your divorce is not yet final and the judge has not stamped the decree, you are still married. ALL KINDS of things like car insurance and bills and deeds and tons of other stuff is still treated like you are together whether you are living together or not, it all depends on the agreements you sign with the lawyers.
The one thing you ARE allowed to do, no questions asked, is move onto other people the moment the separation is filed. There was no OTHER man when we separated. I’ve never cheated on any of my boyfriends nor my husband. It’s just not in my wiring. So you are categorically wrong. But I don’t hold it against you. Many people don’t know what goes on with divorce until they or a close friend goes through it.
I think it’s interesting though that you have me pegged as a woman that would cheat on her husband. Because (in your words) I’m a broke down lisa raye? You seem to think that if I CAN get male attention that I’m going to capitalize on it and sleep around. Nope, I’m a one man woman, always have been, always will be. I love myself and I only need one man to love me, not 2, 3 4 or whatever. Passion only grows stronger the longer you know someone.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 21 July 2009:
(Rolling eyes at broken down Lisa Raye)
Again your divorce is not final. Yet, you have your legs in the air for a “new white husband”. You fundamentally keep missing the point.
If you are sleeping with another man before the divorce is final that is adultery. That is just how it is. Then you claim he ain’t “mail you the paperwork”.
You blame your so called ex husband “momma” for whatever reason. You never got into it.
Clearly, nobody is getting through to you. Keep doing what you are doing.
You didn’t explain how you have 2 “husbands” if your divorce is not final.
Comment by Ichibod on 21 July 2009:
“Many people don’t know what goes on with divorce until they or a close friend goes through it.”
I’ve heard of reconciliation. I’ve heard of man leaving his mother and cleaving to his wife. Yea, you are missing several points here. You needed to know of a man’s Oedipus complex or whatever before you commit to something as serious as marriage. You should have seen those “momma’s boy” issues long before you went to the Justice of the Peace. I know that’s where you went. If you’re sleeping with a man that soon, that’s disgusting. You haven’t been separated for years. All I can see is you let another women tear you away from your man.
“Like I said earlier, bw and wm couples are exceptional people (sorry to say it but they are usually more mature) because they HAVE to be.”
How mature of your BW/WM union. You should have done what you told me you were going to do and not discuss your dating history with us here. You got played, however he won’t get bashed along with the other white men you’ve dated. Have some respect for yourself. I can’t even debate you anymore. I want to just make fun of you from now on, maybe invite some friends over to read your posts, then record myself reading your comments in some doofus voice and post it on YouTube with your picture on the screen in HD plus annotations. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and a decent out months ago. You should have taken it.
So, it takes a court order to tell a woman when to open and close her legs now? Pathetic! No one else has a problem with me twisting their words. Maybe YOU need to just back away from your computer slowly. Some men in whites coats will be coming for you shortly. I really hope your husband and his lawyers send those copies of that prenup soon so you can get on with your life and salvage what’s left of your dignity. Attacking black men is just not the way, SweetPea. Take care!
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 21 July 2009:
Let me get this right.
She was married to a white man and he won’t grant her a divorce. So now she is with “another white man”. The new white men she calls “My white husband”. Broke down Lisa Raye is missing a big chuck of the story here. Then she mentions he won’t send the “paperwork over”. Even better, she blames his mother for the issues in her marriage. Na his mother told your ashy ass “cook and clean for my white son”. Why the fuck “he eating out every night at Burger king and Olive Garden”. The recession hit, her ass ready to get a divorce and get another white sucker.
Na the white man does not want to pay your trifling ass for being with another white man that is what the “paperwork” about. It makes perfect sense to me. You ain’t gonna wait for no paperwork from a black man.
A black man will tell you get your luggage and period stain panties and leave.
You are really a trip. Not only do you break up with your husband. You want to take half his money too. Don’t ever mention black men ever again.
Stay in your lane as an adulteress opportunist. I hope the new guy got a prenup for your “washed up” ass.
Poor white man, once you see your woman can’t get along with your mom. That is a sign throw her ass out the house and find a new woman.
Comment by MsZ17 on 21 July 2009:
This is REALLY sad. Black people on here bashing the hell outta each other! White women are on here because they want to date black men. White men are here becasue they want to date black women. You do NOT read comments from them bashing one another! WTF is this about???
Obviously if you’re on this site, you want to meet a person of a different race. Who cares what your reasons are? Does this mean you have to curse, insult and belitte others? Some of you people are either low class, uneducated or just on here to stir up shit. It’s sickening!
Damn, black people can’t even have a decent conversation witout tearing each other to shreds! Some of you are on here around the clock practically - um, what does that suggest? Like, you have no frickin’ life?
“Mr. Queens”, your anger and rage at black women suggests more about YOU than any of us! I have had some AWFUL experiences with black men in the past but I am NOT on here to bash them at every turn because I DON’T CARE THAT MUCH!!!! Getting on the internet (where you are anonymous), and name calling is really immature. With that sort of behavior, I can’t see ANY woman with anything on the ball wanting to date you! People can be anyone they want on the internet and use it to post things they’d NEVER say to anyone in person!
Black women, PLEASE stop posting to this person. I am shocked you can’t see they’re only on here to spew forth their poison. Stop getting into these “pissing contests” with him/her. Get a clue!
Comment by Ichibod on 22 July 2009:
MsZ17, How ya doing?
“um, what does that suggest? Like, you have no frickin’ life?”
I could suggest that most of us have laptops or smart phones with internet access and jobs that don’t require us to do much. Some of us just love blogging and/or creative writing. I know I always have, not to mention debating. Relationships are a major part of life, so why not talk/blog about it?
Laurelton has some of the most fiery comments on here, but he’s not the only one yet he’s always the subject of ridicule. Why do men always get the short end of the stick in here? I call it silent consent to any of the other negatives. The black men that mistreated the black women that post on this blog are not on these blogs commenting themselves. Therefore, how do you think it feels to have to bear the burden of hearing how sorry and evil we are at their expense? I’m glad that you are mature enough to not bash black men regardless of your awful relationship with one. It’s something that I wish more women on here that do bash black men would understand is causing much of the debacles witnessed here. I’ve been seeing you on here a lot and commenting on some of the more relevant topics, too. Nice posts, by the way. See you around!
Comment by MsZ17 on 22 July 2009:
Ichibod, thanks sweetie. It’s disheartening, really it is. I don’t hate anyone and I certainly don’t hate black men - my father was a black man, after all. I am a member of the Black Universe because of him. He wasn’t the best dad, but he wasn’t the worst either!
Saying someone is superior just because of the color of their skin is ignorant and slave-like. I won’t take mistreatment from ANY man. Not ALL black men are bad and not ALL white men are good. The same goes for balcka nd white women. Did I really need to say that? Sheesh.
All I say is that we should all keep an open mind about people whether you want to play or are looking for love. I’m 58 years old and I could write a book about some of my experiences with men here in California. However, I keep hope alive, as Jesse would say. lol
Comment by Peanut on 22 July 2009:
Queenie and ich. You both are astounding in your stupidity. I really can’t even believe it! You are simply conjurers of fantasy. You make up stuff and react violently to it.
The fact that your venom is even stronger now that you know I’m married to (divorcing a wm) signals your heightened sensitivity to it. THIS IS WHAT I STATED in my earliest posts. His color shouldn’t even have inflamed your comments like this anyway. YOU took a look at my profile yourself a long time ago so you saw that I was divorced (I thought we’d be finished with it by now but they often take a long time)so you must have assumed I was married to a bm, now you’re the one “tripping” I only even mentioned it because you wrote:
(Tell me why, after all these years, none of your white men have proposed or married you?)
YOU assumed they hadn’t (because THAT is what you WANT)
And other people have had issues with how you get things twisted, they were just smart enough to give up trying to communicate with as if you had a fully functioning brain.
Queenie wrote:
(Your so quick to jump with another white man with money that you dropped your panties quick.)
WHO is this person you are referring to? And what makes you think MONEY was even on my mind when I got married? You are both just trying to vilify me because you can’t sit still with me or any other black woman “moving on.”
Your language is immature and vile and you can’t even see that you are just woman haters.
(I want to just make fun of you from now on, maybe invite some friends over to read your posts, then record myself reading your comments in some doofus voice and post it on YouTube with your picture)
Ich get a hold of yourself quick because I can direct my lawyer at YOU next.
That is exactly what I’ve been talking about all this time. You two are the nasty type of bm that hate bw and don’t want them to be happy. You hate women!! You are a misogynist! ANY man that wants to hurt women emotionally is a WOMAN HATER!!
(Where have you not said anything derogatory about black men on the grounds of bragging about yourself and your infatuation for white men?)
YOU ARE DREAMING…Wake up! I have spoken only about the way they treat bw in general,and, too often for MY tastes. When have I bragged about myself? You are projecting your evaluation of me ONTO ME once again.
I have never tried to hurt any men on this post ever. I am trying to shelter bw from this kind of abuse.
(You should have seen those “momma’s boy” issues long before you went to the Justice of the Peace. I know that’s where you went. If you’re sleeping with a man that soon, that’s disgusting.)
I was in love like you should be when you get married so my vision WAS clouded. At least I took the leap and made a good effort. YOU just backed out. Justice of the Peace? Are you saying that we had a cheap wedding? What is WRONG with you? Who, again, is this man I’m supposed to be sleeping with. How could it be disgusting you foolish man? When two people are separated and have begun signing paperwork, it’s over! You can and SHOULD move on. You have no reference for how long we’ve been separated nor if I’m even sleeping with anyone so WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BOTH ON!?
(So, it takes a court order to tell a woman when to open and close her legs now? Pathetic!)
Talk about creative writing. What?! What I said means that once you are separated (on that day)any sexual contact you have with someone else is NOT considered adultery. Somehow you two microbes decided (for yourselves) that I had slept with someone during my marriage or directly afterwards. Both completely untrue.
And both of you seem to be convinced that if you make some negative/”clever” comment that makes it true. I think they call that the Jerry Springer poetry effect.
(Then you claim he ain’t “mail you the paperwork”.)
My god this is what I wrote:
“he and his lawyer are having a hard time finding their way to the post office to mail off that signed paperwork to the courts.”
TO THE COURTS, TO TO the courts.
How did you manage to stay alive this long.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 22 July 2009:
Pulling MsZ17 to the side
Listen, I don’t have any hatred towards black women. I am engaged to black woman. I ain’t had to mail any paperwork to the courts that explains how my marriage failed to any white judge. I live a different lifestyle than some of these people here.
I don’t have to make excuses as to why I am sleeping with someone and my marriage ain’t over yet. My passion can be misconstrued as hatred towards women. This is how I come across. I don’t apologize for it.
(Leaning in my chair).
I ain’t tell her to throw her business out there. She did it and then “tried to beat back the flames”. Ich called it perfectly. If a man is in the middle of a divorce and he sleeps with another woman. He is not looked at favorably. That is just common sense. That is the difference between me and “other people”.
I don’t blame people for my problems. Broke down Lisa Raye defending white men and she can’t even keep her marriage together. On top of that, she blames his mother for the marriage falling apart. Now she is making useless threats about her lawyer seeing people.
She also said this
“Ich get a hold of yourself quick because I can direct my lawyer at YOU next”
I wonder if she knows if she is on a public blog. Is she implying she is going to sue somebody? The woman is not too bright. She makes some weak excuse like ” Should I have remained single”. You should have closed your legs until the divorce is final.
She doesn’t even know what adultery is. Let me put the definition of adultery in the room.
“Adultery is the voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and another person who is not his or her spouse.”
She is still technically married and she is dropping her panties for another man.
I don’t really care if you don’t like me on a personal level. I stick to the facts.
Case closed
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 22 July 2009:
This is clearly getting heated.
Let me calm down. This woman is really getting on my nerves. She got the nerve to call us misogynists and women haters. Last time I checked, I wasn’t ‘in the process” of getting a divorce and sleeping with another woman.
Let’s distinguish that right off the bat. Your cheap tactics don’t address what you are. You are doing adultery. Instead of admitting you was wrong. You jumped out the window and accused of us of shit you can’t prove.
We pointed out that you are so in love with white men and you can’t even stay married. How that equate to us hating anybody.
I only date black women so how I can hate them. You got lawyers and all this shit. Yet, you claim to love a white man. You are making his life harder. Obviously the divorce is not amicably. Yet, you want to step to me like you are “better” than everybody else. I don’t know much about divorce. The fact you are waiting for paperwork to mailed to the court. If it is not getting done then follow through on it. Who married a ‘bubble head” like you?
I would call you worse names but I am restraining myself. You should be the last to talk about who hates who. Clearly, you hate this man enough to hate his mother. Momma’s boy or whatever you claim he is. The man made the commitment to you that should count for something.
You can sit here and “try” to make yourself look like the victim. I am not the sucker who is going to marry you. I really don’t care.
Have a nice day.
Comment by Peanut on 22 July 2009:
Okay queenie,
You are just insane. You need meds. You never answered the question (conveniently) WHO is this mystery man I committed adultery with?
You must think divorces happen overnight. They don’t they take lots of time and people move on in the meantime. (LEGALLY)
And defamation of character is illegal even on a public blog especially if you are going to remove material from the one I entered and alter it on another.
And your fiance is not black, she’s mixed so there you are lying again.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 22 July 2009:
Listen Broke Down Lisa Raye
Stop worrying about my fiancee she is black and puerto rican. What defamation of character are you rambling about?
Listen go to the post office and figure out where those divorce papers are located.
You mean to tell me you can hire a Lawyer and sue us for the shit you said to us.
But you have no idea if you are divorced or not!
You are a loser!
Comment by Malarki5 on 23 July 2009:
Menelik asks:
Just out of interest, can you tell me WHO controls and operates “the white media”? Who is that is spreading this notion that Black women are not attractive?
White women?
Peanut replied:
You may have hit the nail on the head right there. Take a look at the credits in any movie or tv show in which you see a bw character that is stereotypically unattractive in some way and notice the name of the people that did the casting.
when the director asks for a bw the casting director send a pile of head shots and videos. The casting directors do the initial selecting and the director makes the final choice.
Menelik replies:
casting directors do NOT control the mass media, madam! My point is that white men control the ebb and flow of negative images of both Black women and men…the enemy maybe faceless but we know his race. Thing is, I don’t sleep with them lol
Menelik asked:
are you still here, Peanut? I thought (hoped) you’d get a nice white boy, move to the burbs, have your own bi-racial kid, comb its wavy black hair, glory in its complexion, and leave Black men the-hell-alone!
Peanut replied:
That’s precisely what I have done you potato. You read enough of my posts to generate resentment towards me but somehow missed the idea that I’m not looking to date bm.
Menelik replied:
I tell ya what, lady, you are certainly physically attractive but I very much doubt most intelligent Black men would want to date you considering what nastiness resides in your heart!
I find you absolutely awful, really, I do! Sadly, there are far too many Black women like you who are more MAN than WOMAN. Rightly, you have figured out that it is Black men who don’t want you!
You are most certainly NOT missed!
Menelik Charles
London England
Comment by Ichibod on 23 July 2009:
When I viewed her profile months ago, I was only looking at her pictures. I didn’t care to look for anything else. My comment that she quoted makes that clear. I didn’t even notice her age.
His race DOESN’T matter. The fact that she feels black men are so terrible as mates and her marriage to a man of a different race didn’t work is what makes this so hilarious and so sad at the same time. I don’t rejoice over failed relationships, not even abusive ones. Because the abused probably hoped for better in the beginning and the children (if any) don’t understand and can be negatively affected by them.
Menelik, I even thought your comment to her was of well regard and best wishes. It’s time to just let this thing go. Not many are talking, but everyone here sees this. And they also see us apart of it. I’m starting to catch a bad name in other topics for continuing this fiasco. I’m over it, brother. Good to see you again, by the way!
Comment by Peanut on 23 July 2009:
To menelik -
Just smack yourself. You left racist tire tracks behind you with that last post. who care what you think?
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 23 July 2009:
Dear London
She is obviously upset she was a failure at her marriage. Broken Down Lisa Raye (might be related to the other Lisa Raye). She is angry at everyone but herself. Take responsibility for your failed marriage. Don’t blame his mother.
You are a pathetic individual. Stop trying to take away everything your ex husband worked for. I bet he has to pay for the Lawyer that you hired to divorce him.
You make me sick!
Comment by Malarki5 on 24 July 2009:
Peanut said:
Just smack yourself. You left racist tire tracks behind you with that last post. who care what you think?
Menelik replied:
girl, you don’t date Black men (because they don’t want you) and you come on here ‘debating’ Black men. Why?
Go away! Ignore us! Make no mention of us! Never! Ever! Again!
Stay in the white community and max out on all things white! Leave us alone you lonely-assed troll!
Menelik Charles
London England
Comment by Malarki5 on 24 July 2009:
Bro Itch & Queens,
I take you points. I shall leave well alone as of NOW!
Menelik Charles
London England
ps nice to see you again Bro Itch.
Comment by tatted2death on 24 July 2009:
I second MsZ’s sentiments here…..It is truly sad to see people tear each other down. As much as I have had words with certain characters here there is no ill-will. I enjoy the creative/expository writing flex (As Ich pointed out) and there is much humor in much of the exchanges that I take part in….but all this other “malarky” is just plain ridiculous. And while I don’t condone alot of the tactics used here (by various folk) I do understand the core need to defend yourself against negative stereotyping and flat-out “character assasinations”. Like it has been expressed before all the “threats” and name calling are just too “school-yard” for me. While I am observing quietly now I still hope a MEANINGFUL dialogue continues here.
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by fire321 on 2 August 2009:
I agree with tatted2death…enough is enough. I personally believe that some people come into the blogs just to intentionally aggravate other members and honestly don’t expect any backlash. It’s ridiculous and childish. Words are just words and if you don’t give them any power, they mean nothing.
Outside of these blogs, most or none of these people have an impact on our lives and to let them THINK anything that’s said means something to you is only making you sink to a lower level.
I may not totally agree with everything anyone says on here but most make some very valid points even though they may be said in a rather harsh tone.
L. Queens, Ich, tatt, bigeyes etc., keep doing your thing. I enjoy reading your posts.
Lastly, if you don’t want any commentary on the things your post, don’t air your laundry here.
Comment by sdf on 3 August 2009:
1.i don’t date for the purpose of diversity.
2.i date white girls..i’m white.it’s calle.d preference.i date people of my own race cause that’s what i’m familiar with and comfortable with..i’m not missing anything by not dating black or other races cause i don’t date for the sake of being diverse.i date who i’m comfortable with and attracted to.
Comment by Azrazyel on 3 August 2009:
Comment by sdf:
“1.i don’t date for the purpose of diversity.
2.i date white girls..i’m white.it’s calle.d preference.i date people of my own race cause that’s what i’m familiar with and comfortable with..i’m not missing anything by not dating black or other races cause i don’t date for the sake of being diverse.i date who i’m comfortable with and attracted to.”
Good points sdf. It’s a complete understanding that not all people are going to want to date a different race. You stay where you feel comfortable. Everyone has their preferences and choices.
Peace
Comment by renee24 on 4 August 2009:
I love chris but i both agree and disagree with his comments there are various reason a person dates with in their race and outside it’s up to you no one else.
I love jaquentin comment if you put your heart into someone it really doesnt matter,we are all capable of the same thing…LOVE!!!!
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 4 August 2009:
Azrazyel: First off, I don’t appreciate being called racist or even considered racist. FAR from it. Click on my pic and read my profile. How could I be racist if I am interested in black women? White racist/supremecists hate ALL blacks. Not me!
JM: Heh heh heh!!! So?!
“Being interested in Black women”…..is NOT an indication that one isn’t racist….although many Whites frequently say/write such words.
Many of the statements you have written in this thread just “drip with prejudice” or “racial” ignorance.
If you don’t want to be called a racist, then stop writing stupid stuff like the crap I’m responding to.
But it’s good that you’re disclosing these beliefs in order that we can seek to educate you.
Azrazyel: I am here to learn. That’s part of the reason why I am interested in black women, not just because they are beautiful etc. etc., but also because I want to know the culture of the black people and have a better understanding for myself other than what I may already know or perceive.
JM” That’s great…but you aren’t going to learn about Black culture by just dating a Black woman.
It all depends on “what type of Black woman you date.”
Is she bi-cultural or totally assimilated into mainstream culture, meaning she doesn’t read any Black magazines, books by Black authors writing from a Black cultural perspective, attend any Black cultural events, etc., etc., etc.
You’ll have to read about it.
Just dating someone to learn about a culture is faulty reasoning….because no one person embodies ALL of Black culture.
Two, members of “minority” (the preferred term is People of Color) groups live a bi-cultural existence (and some Whites do, too…to some degree).
Many conform to the dominant group’s ways of doing in order to get jobs, etc., but then revert back to their cultural background when engaging in personal activities, such as preference for church attendance, music preference, etc.
Three, both the dominant and dominated cultures influence one another. I can think of tons of things that originated in various parts of Black culture…and then went mainstream.
Azrazyel: I have reasons for my perceptions and opinions, I come from an area where interracial couples is rare, therefore I perceive differently.
Maybe some of you live in a mixed environment, where interracial couples are more common.
JM: Geographical location may play a role to some degree, but ultimately the individual person is responsible for how he/she thinks, etc.
For example, there are many Whites who were born into very racist families, but are now not racist themselves.
How did that do that?
By venturing beyond the restrictions imposed by their families, i.e. reading about and interacting with members of different groups.
Azrazyel: I stand by my opinions because I base on what I see, not what I hear i.e. internet, radio, tv.
JM: “Based on what you see”…depends on a lot of factors.
You cannot be an armchair sociologist.
You need to read about the “reasons behind people’s actions” rather than simply *casually observing* various groups of people and then making a conclusion….which is one of the primary problems of this forum and/or this thread.
For example, the statement “I’m glad white men and women are not on here ……each other” doesn’t tell us a thing.
As I wrote earlier, I see plenty of White men and women arguing on other sites.”
However, the main reasons you don’t see that is 1) a thread hasn’t been started to delve into the issues encountered by White men and women, 2) White men and women have not had to deal with the same historical & contemporary issues that impact the lives/relationships/thinking of People of Color, 3) would the passive communication style of most middle- and upper-class Whites permit them to engage in such a discussion (would the most representative style of poor whites permit participation ?), etc.
Hence, you cannot attribute the reasons “for the behavior” and “lack of the behavior” to individual people.
Two, you most certainly cannot use the “most representative communication style of your group to judge the communication style of other groups.”
The “armchair sociologist” approach seems to be the way that most White researchers, journalists, etc., interpret data they’ve gathered on Blacks and other non-White groups.
For example, an article published a few years ago titled “Immigrants Calling Themselves White” briefly included a segment about “interracial dating/marriage.” (I will post it later).
The writers simply reviewed some “interracial marriage” statistics and then JUMPED to the flawed conclusion that “Black women are the group less likely to date or marry outside of their group.”
Why did they write that? Simply because the stats of “Black women and men from other groups” had the lowest numbers.
Pure armchair sociology.
Azrazyel: I will continue to think that black women only date out because of jealousy of black men doing it first. I still see it as desperation, and I still believe most white men don’t want a black woman. I’ve been asking lately my friends and friends from work what they think about interracial couples. Some I’ve heard are too explicit to explain, so I will refrain from saying so. Others preferred Asian (mainly) and hispanic. I go by what they are telling me.
I know that isn’t based on all white men, but I think it’s few that would pursue a black woman, again for many reasons.
Azrazyel: Too much garbage whereas I see on this website helps to prove my points.
JM: That’s stereotypical: judging the behavior of an entire group of people (40 million in the U.S.)…based on the “behavior” of 8 or 9 Blacks in this forum.
Yeah, right.
Using your reasoning, should I judge all Whites based on what I read about the 926 White supremacist organizations in America?!
Although I’m using 100 times the number of examples as your “8 or 9 Blacks”….it still wouldn’t be any more correct to attempt to extrapolate info about White supremacists to the larger White population than it would be to use “8 or 9 Blacks.”
The reason I placed behavior in quotations marks above is to indicate that “I don’t necessarily view the behavior in the negative light that Azrazyel views it from.
As I’ve written umpteen times, “You can’t use your cultural ways of doing things as a barometer to evaluate or criticize other cultural groups’ ways of doing things.”
If you’re going to embrace the principles of diversity, then you shouldn’t be doing this.
Azrazyel: No white man wants a woman who is desperate, and is NOT looking for love, but for payback.
JM: I pity the Black woman you might end up dating/marrying….because she’ll eternally have to prove that she’s “not with you to payback Black men.” That’s such a ridiculous notion.
Two, I could just as easily write “No Man of Color wants a White woman who is desperate, and is NOT looking for love, but for payback” to Whites for kicking her out of the White group.
Who are the White women who have been “kicked out” of the White group?!
White women who are known to racist (conscious/unconscious) Whites to have slept with or dated a Man of Color.
It’s amazing how many Whites will not live in a house or even buy a vehicle…if they know it was previously owned by Blacks.
Real estate agents will often tell Blacks selling their house NOT to leave any pictures of the family, etc., in the house during inspections by potential buyers.
So don’t tell me that this behavior doesn’t exist.
It has been well documented.
Azrazyel: Some I’ve heard are too explicit to explain, so I will refrain from saying so.
JM: I’d like to see some of those examples…or would your posting of those words indeed indicate just how crude some Whites can be in their thinking of Blacks while simultaneously being kind, tender, etc. to other Whites?!
I see so many Whites who view themselves as charitable, kind, etc., but the way they treat members of non-White groups is anything but.
Why are Whites so blind to this behavior?!
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 4 August 2009:
Azrazyel,
If you want to learn about Black culture, google the
Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture:
http://www.nypl.org/research/sc/about/index.html
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 5 August 2009:
I don’t know what this argument is about concerning black culture to date a black woman.
Most black women do not discuss black culture with any man. Trust me I have been with quite a few. You would have to define what is “black culture”. I am Jamaican. Unless you can cook Jamaican food and understand my Jamaican sense of humor. It is not mandatory. Women naturally want to assimilate in a man’s culture. They try to mirror what you doing. If your white and Irish. Your woman would try to cook Irish food.
Most black women talk about their nails, hair, the bitch they hate at work. They also talk about “what you plan on doing with her”. How was work, shopping and if their car is working. It can be real superficial with some black women. Their are black women with big degrees and college education. They tend to be superficial after awhile too. They can hold their own in a conversation than they fade. I like a brainy black girl even though I am not engaged to one.
To be honest with you, many of my friends don’t really talk to their wives and girlfriends like that if you been together a long time. If you really sat down and thought about it. How often do you even talk about your woman about anything relevant.
My typical day is “you cooking breakfast”? She like yea. I got to go to work 8 am. She says “you taking out the trash”. I grumble and say “later on”. She says love you bye. I said “sure”, finish work , get on the internet. Relax and read my blog. She asks me some dumb question. I ignore her and then she asks me “what you want for dinner”. I say to her “oh I will get chinese food”. Go to bed. There is a little more that goes on like checking mail, errands and stuff. She is on the phone more than we talk personally.
I guess some black people want to make white men guilty by just making up shit. Even if a white man went his whole life never knowing what part of Africa is black wife came from. I don’t think that would change the way she feels about him and vice versa.
It is rare for me to stick up for a very small segment of white men. A majority of white men have a “curiosity” or have a fetish for black women. I think that is bad and hurts black women.
The white men that are arguing on here actually would like to be with a black woman. I really don’t believe in white men calling other white men racist on this website.
Comment by Azrazyel on 5 August 2009:
Jordan:
Thank you for your comments and support. Like I said, I am here to learn since this is the first time I am dating out of my race.
Yes, there are many things I have to learn, and I need to prepare myself for the obstacles I may face when that time comes.
Thanks again.
Peace
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 5 August 2009:
Laurelton Queens 5 August 2009: I don’t know what this argument is about concerning black culture to date a black woman.
JM: If you don’t know what it’s about, then why are you replying to it?!
LQ: Most black women do not discuss black culture with any man. Trust me I have been with quite a few. You would have to define what is “black culture”.
JM: Thanks for partly supporting my point about “one having to read about Black culture…”
However, the few Black women that you’ve interacted with could hardly be used as a foundation for making statements about “Black women as a group.”
Are you referring to Black women or African immigrant women?
As a grad student I’m around plenty of Black female faculty and female Black students who do research, write about it, and discuss these types of issues.
Yet, I wouldn’t extrapolate these women’s behaviors to the overall group of Black women.
LQ: Women naturally want to assimilate in a man’s culture. They try to mirror what you doing. If your white and Irish. Your woman would try to cook Irish food.
JM: No, they don’t do it naturally. They’ve been conditioned by a patriarchal system to act that way.
The hyphenated last names of many couples indicates that “assimilating into the husband’s culture is on the way out.”
But even before that change, many marriage counselors were telling potential couples to “explore and discuss their differences about their religious preferences, etc….in the United States.
I don’t know the culture of your particular geographical location.
However, I would convey that “Your woman would try to cook Irish food” is a rather sexist statement.
There aren’t any gender-based household tasks in my environment. Each person does whatever needs to be done. Whoever gets home first does the cooking….or we may go by a schedule.
LQ: Most black women talk about
JM: More stereotyping.
LQ: To be honest with you, many of my friends don’t really talk to their wives and girlfriends like that if you been together a long time. If you really sat down and thought about it. How often do you even talk about your woman about anything relevant.
JL: We do discuss issues, etc., quite often….since we’re both activists, volunteer in the community, etc.
LQ: My typical day is “you cooking breakfast”? She like yea. I got to go to work 8 am. She says “you taking out the trash”. I grumble and say “later on”. She says love you bye. I said “sure”, finish work , get on the internet. Relax and read my blog. She asks me some dumb question. I ignore her and then she asks me “what you want for dinner”. I say to her “oh I will get chinese food”. Go to bed. There is a little more that goes on like checking mail, errands and stuff. She is on the phone more than we talk personally.
JM: Seems to be a rather boring lifestyle. And what are you doing while she’s on the phone? Posting messages to this forum and others?
Neither of you are attempting to communicate with the other.
LQ: I guess some black people want to make white men guilty by just making up shit. Even if a white man went his whole life never knowing what part of Africa is black wife came from. I don’t think that would change the way she feels about him and vice versa.
JM: As I wrote initially above, “If you don’t know what it’s about, then why are you replying to it?!
This tells me a lot about your previous posts to these forums.
LQ: It is rare for me to stick up for a very small segment of white men. A majority of white men have a “curiosity” or have a fetish for black women. I think that is bad and hurts black women.
JM: Hmmmmmm.
Would that be parallel to azrazyel’s “payback” statements, in that something else is driving the relationship instead of genuine likability?!
My God. I didn’t know that White men would do such a thing. :>)
LQ: I really don’t believe in white men calling other white men racist on this website.
JM: That would certainly contradict the statement someone made a couple of months ago about “White people not arguing among themselves in these forums, wouldn’t it?! :>)
Your statement indeed supports an earlier statement I wrote regarding “Whites are not being very truthful.”
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 5 August 2009:
azrazyel: Thank you for your comments and support. Like I said, I am here to learn since this is the first time I am dating out of my race.
Yes, there are many things I have to learn, and I need to prepare myself for the obstacles I may face when that time comes.
JM: Thanks!
Now if only Ichabod Crane would “pull his nose” out of it.
Comment by world citizen on 5 August 2009:
This is me - an EXPERIENCED FEMALE - reporting from nursing homes in Europe and the U.S. (smile, who really know me!!!)
It’s been said and proven: BLACK WOMEN HAVE A L L OPTIONS!
Certainly, women want to look up to a MAN and expect to receive that same respect. Why should these BLACK WOMEN settle for less?
It takes a wise, sensitive MAN with an educated heart, to love and admire BLACK WOMEN for who they are, where they came from and what they had to go thru to make it here. They are much more than the sex object, desired by ANY of you men.
You males, who educate your hatred in these blogs and have nothing worth while to offer - as well as you, thinking you can impress black women, behaving like a pseudo intellectual - and you, who yet have not learned where and how to educate yourself on black culture and BLACK WOMEN -
YOU DO NOT STAND A CHANCE TO GET PICKED BY STRONG, BLACK WOMEN!
I embrace ALL EDUCATED HEARTS and touch your DELICATE SOULS
THANK YOU for your constructive support on these blogs.
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 5 August 2009:
Here’s the article:
The Great ‘White’ Influx
——————–
Immigrants Calling Themselves White
Regardless of color, two-thirds of immigrants choose that designation on census replies. For some, it’s synonymous with America.
By SOLOMON MOORE and ROBIN FIELDS
Times Staff Writers
July 31, 2002
Zarmina Khalili says she never considered herself white until she moved to the United States 15 years ago.
Race was a nonissue in her native Afghanistan, she said. There, the basic distinctions were tribal, between Tajiks and Pashtuns. Khalili knew where
she stood: She was a Tajik.
In America, it wasn’t so clear. The census forms that came in the mail asked Khalili, 42, a Canoga Park homemaker, to place herself in one of six racial categories. She picked “white.” Though she is fair-skinned, it wasn’t entirely a matter of color, she said.
She regarded white as synonymous with American, with belonging, with fitting in.
In identifying herself that way, Khalili joined a growing number of newcomers who are stretching traditional U.S. racial definitions
and-counterintuitive as it might seem-making white among the most diverse of demographic categories.
The 2000 Census counted 28 million foreign-born residents. Two-thirds identified themselves as white. In 1990, half of the foreign-born
population checked “white.”
Another sign of change: In 1990, immigrants made up 5% of all white Americans. By 2000, the foreign-born accounted for 9% of the white
population.
Latinos, the nation’s largest immigrant group, are driving those numbers. Almost half checked the “white” box in Census 2000.
“What white traditionally meant-the WASP, the blond hair, the California drawl, the Hells Angels motorcycle riders-is being overlaid with new images of white Russians and Armenians … Iranians, North
Africans and Latinos,” said USC demographer Dowell Myers. “White is the most polyglot category, and it’s morphing.”
Recent newcomers are expanding the meaning of “white” much as Southern and Eastern European immigrants did a century ago, when many Americans still viewed the word as signifying Anglo-Saxon heritage.
The latest arrivals are also upsetting conventional wisdom, which held that the percentage of white Americans would inevitably dwindle over time. About
75% of the U.S. populace defines itself today as wholly or partly white.
Many demographers expect the same will be true in 50 years, despite continued immigration from Latin America, Asia and elsewhere.
“There’s been this idea that demography is destiny and that America is going to be a nonwhite nation,” said Peter Skerry, author of “Mexican Americans:
The Ambivalent Minority” and a fellow at the Brookings Institution in Washington. “It ain’t necessarily so.”
Why do so many recent immigrants choose a white identity?
White Means Inclusion
For earlier generations, the value of doing so was clear. They were coming to a place where nonwhites suffered systematic discrimination. Even today,
many immigrants say they equate whiteness with opportunity and inclusion.
But a growing number, influenced heavily by Latino culture, say they see race as fluid and whiteness as an unbounded territory they can enter and
exit at will.
Yareli Arizmendi, a Mexican American actress, said she used to be typecast as “the gangbanger’s mother” or “the excitable Cuban woman.” So she stopped specifying her ethnicity at auditions. Recently, she landed the part of a Jewish lawyer on an episode of the television series “NYPD Blue.” No one guessed her roots until she mentioned them to a hairstylist on the set.
“I am a Latino,” said the actress, who lives in Hollywood. “But I am white, too, and I don’t want to be pegged as ‘the other.’ ”
In Mexico, where Arizmendi was born and raised, “we never asked: ‘What are you? What percentage Negroid? What percentage mongoloid? Are you Latin
American or Mayan or Aztec or European or Moorish?’ ” she recalled.
“Because a lot of us are all of these things.”
Other mixed-race people are embracing a similar sort of racial flexibility, choosing white as their primary race. A 1995 federal schools survey found
that 17% of the children with an African American parent and a white parent chose white as their primary ethnicity. Among children with one Asian
American parent and one white parent, half considered white their primary race.
In the past, people of mixed race were almost uniformly counted as minorities, not as whites.
Even siblings with identical racial backgrounds sometimes make different choices based on personal experience. David Chau, 22, a student at the
Rhode Island School of Design in Providence, has a Jewish mother and a Chinese American father. He considers himself white. “White fits me best, I guess,” he said.
His older sister, Jen, sees herself as a minority: Jewish and Asian. “I honestly don’t know what white means,” she said. “I don’t know what a white
experience is.”
Debate about racial categories and their meaning revives each decade when the U.S. Census Bureau asks American households about themselves.
Changing Categories
In the first national headcount, in 1790, government enumerators placed people in four slots: free white males, free white females, slaves, and
“others,” a category that included free Native Americans.
Today, people fill out the survey themselves, choosing from six options for race: white; black or African American; American Indian or Native Alaskan;
Asian; Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander; and “other.” In 2000, for the first time, respondents could check more than one category.
The census allows Latinos the most room for layered self-definition. Since 1980, the survey has treated Hispanic ethnicity apart from race, asking
about it in a separate question and indicating that Latinos can be of any race. The Hispanic category is meant for people who trace their origins to a Spanish-speaking nation.
The choices Americans make about their racial identities have far-reaching consequences. More than 60 federal agencies use census data to distribute government funds. State legislatures use the numbers in redrawing congressional districts. The Justice Department consults the census in
looking for patterns of racial discrimination. Businesses base crucial decisions on the data, ranging from where to open stores to how to market
soft drinks.
In doing so, they give bedrock permanence to racial identities that may be ephemeral or subjective.
People who pick Hispanic as their ethnicity and white as their race often are communicating that they feel “functionally white,” said Ian Haney
Lopez, a UC Berkeley law professor.
For example, Latinos living in affluent, suburban parts of the Los Angeles area tended to call themselves white in Census 2000. By contrast, 50% or
more of Latinos living in several of the region’s urban barrios picked “other” as their race.
The sensation of being white waxes and wanes, and not just for Latinos.
Shortly after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, FBI agents came to the home of Khalili, the Afghan immigrant, to ask questions. Her 15-year-old daughter was harassed at school.
“Until Sept. 11, I just felt like this was my own country,” Khalili said.
“Now it’s different. I feel like a minority.”
That same uneasy feeling might have shivered through an Irishman in the 1850s or a Slav passing through Ellis Island in the 1920s.
Go back far enough in U.S. history and many Americans who see themselves
as white could have been considered minorities at one time. To Benjamin Franklin, for example, “white” referred only to those of Anglo-Saxon
descent.
“Spaniards, Italians, French, Russians and Swedes are generally of what we call a swarthy complexion; as are the Germans also, the Saxons only excepted, who with the English, make the principal body of white people on the face of the Earth,” Franklin wrote in a 1751 essay, “Observations Concerning the Increase of Mankind and the Peopling of Countries, Etc.”
Like Franklin, early U.S. laws regulating marriage, property rights, citizenship, voting and other facets of life viewed whiteness as a hereditary attribute. But the laws employed varying, often conflicting, standards for determining who had it. Someone could be deemed white for purposes of citizenship, but nonwhite under marriage laws-and thus barred from marrying a white.
Between the Civil War and World War II, Japanese, Arab, Afghan, Armenian, Indian and other immigrants sued in U.S. courts, trying to prove themselves
white and therefore eligible to enter the country, hold jobs or become citizens.
National Identity
Courts gave contradictory rulings. In 1910, an immigrant from India named Dolla was pale enough to convince one court that he was white. Ten years
later, the Supreme Court ruled that another Indian immigrant was not.
The unprecedented wave of immigration at the turn of the 20th century made the racial identity of newcomers a more contentious issue than ever, as
traditionalists declared the national identity under siege.
A 1911 congressional commission sought to quiet the controversy by cataloging the identities of the immigrant flood. It issued a “Dictionary
of Races or People” that put Slavs, Poles, Italians, Russians and others in 45 nonwhite racial subgroups. This prompted intense opposition from
immigrants, especially Jews, who were placed in a “Hebrew” category.
Many immigrants feared ostracism if the dictionary’s distinctions became policy or law. Ultimately, the government discarded the categories. People with diverse origins came to be seen, and to see themselves, as white.
Mexican Americans became part of a similar debate as the United States expanded west in the 19th century, absorbing sizable Latino populations.
After the end of the Mexican-American War in 1848, census enumerators counted people with Spanish surnames as white. That practice continued
until 1930, when a separate “Mexican” racial category was created. Mexican Americans successfully lobbied to have the designation dropped in 1940.
Once again, enumerators classified virtually everyone with Spanish surnames as white.
The discrimination visited on African Americans gave immigrants a powerful incentive to be identified as whites.
“They were coming into a society where slavery was synonymous with skin pigmentation,” said Joel Perlmann, a senior scholar at the Jerome Levy
Economics Institute at Bard College in New York. “It had nothing to do with preserving their own culture.”
In the expansion of whiteness, African Americans have remained conspicuously apart. They are the group least likely to intermarry with other races and most likely to live in segregated communities and attend segregated schools, according to census and other research data.
“Everyone else has taken their positions in relation to that duality,” said Noel Ignatiev, a history instructor at the Massachusetts College of Art and author of “How the Irish Became White.” “Everyone can assimilate into white America, except ‘homie.’ ”
But some scholars say African Americans’ historical exclusion spurred them to a powerful political and cultural unity. The solidarity they achieved
during the civil rights movement of the 1960s is being emulated today by Latinos, said Todd Boyd, a USC pop culture professor and the author of “Am
I Black Enough For You?”
“We took those crumbs and transformed it into a distinctive culture,” he said. Even African Americans who could “pass” as white because of their
appearance or cultural background choose not to, Boyd said. “Now there’s no reason to shy away from it-it’s ours.”
Latinos have adopted a similar strategy, but with a twist, said Arturo Vargas, executive director of the National Assn. of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials.
“To the extent that being white means being American, we are white,” Vargas said. “But at the same time, we don’t have to deny being Latino as much as before because we’ve had a significant civil rights movement, and politically we’re still one bloc.”
The question “Are you white?” puzzles many second- and third-generation Americans. Many say they simply don’t think about it.
“Whites live in a society that was created for them, that caters to them, where they are the norm. They fit,” said Matthew Kelley, publisher of
Mavin, a multiracial affairs journal in Seattle. “So to a lot of people being white is almost indefinable. It’s just this kind of comfort that you don’t recognize unless it goes away. It’s like describing air.”
Disturbing Definition
When whites try to define whiteness, they often find the experience uncomfortable, even disturbing.
“For me, being proud that you’re white is like some kind of Nazi thing,” said Tom Radu, 43, a general contractor from Monrovia. Radu is of Swedish
and Romanian ancestry and is married to a Mexican American woman. He describes their 19-year-old son as a “whitesican.”
Jim Stewart, 49, who works with Radu, remembered an odd conservation with his father about race.
“I told him: ‘You’re half-white and half-Sicilian,’ ” recalled Stewart. “Like a half-hour later, he came up to me and said with all seriousness:
‘I’m pretty sure Sicilians are considered white.’ It mattered so much to him that he was thinking about it all that time.”
Some whites yearn for a more distinct identity, in effect seeking to go back to a time before their families joined the mainstream.
“For many white Americans, white is not enough-there is no unifying white experience,” said Diena Simmons, producer of a 23-episode PBS
documentary titled “Ancestors.” “They want to say they are Jewish, or Polish, or Ukrainian or something like that.”
Last year, the Statue of Liberty-Ellis Island Foundation opened a Web site listing the names of 22 million immigrants who arrived in the Port of New
York between 1892 and 1924. The site (http://www.ellisisland.org) logged 1
billion hits in its first month.
Bob Nafius, a San Diego computer executive, was one of the teeming masses at Ellis Island’s virtual port. Within minutes, he found his Irish
great-grandmother’s passenger record showing that she sailed to New York from Liverpool on a ship called the Oceanic.
“Growing up in the San Fernando Valley, white meant suburban, being connected from mall to shining mall. That whole white-bread kind of thing,”
Nafius said. “But I always wished I could have a real ethnicity. I’m looking for a tribe to join. Don’t I get a tribe?”
(end)
Although I agree with most of the article, within the context of both the title and content, what is wrong with the following:
“They are the group least likely to intermarry with other races and most likely to live in segregated communities and attend segregated schools, according to census and other research data.”
I also believe the article sheds some light on many of the issues in this thread and many others.
Comment by Jordan Mardan on 5 August 2009:
World Citizen: And I repeat, who cares about percentage? There are enough
HUMANS in these blogs, looking for warmth and love, not mathematical figures.
JM: To whom are you referring to:
Azrazyel’s 99% and .5 figures or my stats?
Comment by Ichibod on 5 August 2009:
Mother Citizen,
There are plenty of educated fools. Knowledge without wisdom is foolishness. I like that, “Educated heart”. Take care!
Jordan,
A lot of what you say, most of what you say, has relevance to life and everyday human relations, I’ll give you that. But as you probably can read from many comments on the various topics, no one cares. And I don’t mean that negatively toward you, it’s about them because they normally wouldn’t read as much as you’ve typed or even others that type considerably less. Plus your comments are mostly, “Let me enlighten these imbeciles with 15 full-rotation Trackball swipes of uber-vernacular and superior grad school knowledge. Nothing of which has to do with any topic, specifically, and always quotes other bloggers in rivalry fashion as to say that no one but yourself has a brain. Just tone it down a bit. Trust me, Jordan, I’ve been there. Sorry if I offended you with the “Token” remark, but that’s what all this sounds like to me. It’s embarrassing to black intellectuals and this isn’t the place for it. There are women who are turned off by know-it-alls anyway. Start your own blog. I’d probably read it.
Thanks for the honorable mention!
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 5 August 2009:
Dear Jordan
Let me reply to your previous statements. You said this….
“JM: Thanks for partly supporting my point about “one having to read about Black culture…”
However, the few Black women that you’ve interacted with could hardly be used as a foundation for making statements about “Black women as a group.”
Are you referring to Black women or African immigrant women?”
I would have to say Black American women, which can include Caribbean women that have assimilated into American culture. I guess the foundation of just using “fellow black female graduate students” is the foundation for your hypothesis.
What else you said
“As a grad student I’m around plenty of Black female faculty and female Black students who do research, write about it, and discuss these types of issues.
Yet, I wouldn’t extrapolate these women’s behaviors to the overall group of Black women.”
These black women you interact with are a small percentage of black women (fraction of a fraction of a percentage). If anything, my sample group is bigger. Since many black people do not go onto graduate school, those who do, from my understanding, are African immigrants and Caribbean black people. I could be wrong but I will be sure to look it up. Basically, talking to overachieving black women cannot be your only group sample.
You also said to me
LQ: Women naturally want to assimilate in a man’s culture. They try to mirror what you doing. If your white and Irish. Your woman would try to cook Irish food.
JM: No, they don’t do it naturally. They’ve been conditioned by a patriarchal system to act that way.
The hyphenated last names of many couples indicates that “assimilating into the husband’s culture is on the way out.”
Conditioned, However, you want to call it. Do they do it or not? You are speculating if it is “on the way out”. You are also speculating on the patriarchal system as the reason. Perhaps women do it just to make the man happy (That simple). As a graduate student you should know better than this. By the way, I am not a graduate student.
What else you said
“However, I would convey that “Your woman would try to cook Irish food” is a rather sexist statement.
There aren’t any gender-based household tasks in my environment. Each person does whatever needs to be done. Whoever gets home first does the cooking….or we may go by a schedule.”
Sexist how, for blogs I can go off personal anecdotal stories. I am not writing a sociology paper. My woman is puerto rican and black, she tried to cook Jamaican food for me (she is rather bad at it). She insist on doing so. The black women I dated previously attempted to cook Jamaican food. They failed rather miserably. Perhaps you have a biased opinion about me because you dislike me personally.Again, you are using your “value system” as to no roles for either gender. I was raised this way, my father said the man takes out the garbage, works, cleans and pays the bills. I have rarely met a woman that didn’t believe that, especially a black woman. As a grad student you should know better than this once again.
Everything you wrote to me is subjective. It is like “why don’t you be an activist like me” type deal. My lifestyle is my lifestyle. I don’t imply for you to live my lifestyle. if I did, show me where I did in my post to you.
Jordan you are a smart guy. You can’t help being biased though lol. You got to work on that before you get that PHD.
I saw something you wrote about genuine likability and the fetish statement I made. Again, that is my opinion. I don’t have any data, I just throw things out there. It would be hard to tackle an issue like this because of our “personal experiences”.
Interesting debate. You have an academia point of view about this subject. I think I am well rounded because I am around all “types” of black women. I also have an academia background too. I don’t want people to think I just focus on what I see “in urban neighborhoods I work in”.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 5 August 2009:
Dear Ich
Intellectual Negros tend to miss the big picture. They get their emotions and biases involved. He would have done well if he stayed on the academia part of his statements towards you.
Again, many intellectual Negros leave out the “black struggling class” in their statements and sample population. I don’t know why that is.
To be successful in your field you have read into the statistics not just post them.
Oh yea, be concise and get to the point. That is the hardest thing to do.
I like the debate anyway. Ich you are a stand up guy. I will get in the mud with people. I don’t care what your education level is. You have to convince to me your points are right.
Comment by 85kguy on 6 August 2009:
Time to stop hating and start just dating.
Don’t get me wrong. I started out doing a couple of “drive bys” on women myself. The happened to be black women.
For that I am sorry. From now on I promise to grow, listen and be supportive.
One woman offered me peace after one of my “drive bys”
I am taking the olive branch in order to make this a better interaction for other and to attract others instead of repelling others.
I don’t know what got into me!!
Comment by brandis67 on 10 August 2009:
You know what I get tired of? The implication that a Black man dates me, as a white women,because I am submissive or less demanding than a black woman. I have my own career, my own money, my values, and my hopes and expectations of any man, no matter the race. The assumption that ALL Black men date White women for whatever reason, or that ALL Black Women are this or that, is ridiculous. Ageism is something I deal with more in my own culture. I am just dating the men who pursue me, who have what I need for them to be. It is incredibly insulting to me as a white women for anyone to suggest that anyone dating me must be doing so because women of their race are more difficult, or demanding. Really? I believe most women, no matter what race want their man to be respectful, self-sufficient, and to want us. I have in my youth dated dead-beat men of both races, I have in my maturity dated men of respect, and value of both races. As an aside as a woman who at times seeks example, there are also women, of both races, I admire for their strength, dignity and grace. It also holds true that I cannot respect a person of either race who has to sell someone else out in order to justify their decisions.
Comment by Ichibod on 10 August 2009:
Brandis67,
I’m tired of it, too. Everything you said was on point.
“It also holds true that I cannot respect a person of either race who has to sell someone else out in order to justify their decisions.”
It’s hard for me to be flattered by a woman who exclusively dates black men. I begin to wonder are you dating me or are you dating my race? Some people are truly genuine when they speak of their main attractions. When Black men are such and such good or bad, I think of all the ones including myself who are and are not. I had a middle school teacher who always said to, “Consider the source.” Most people are the way that they are because of the guardianship they were born unto, not their race.
Comment by renee24 on 11 August 2009:
brandis67
your comment was refreshing, I agree that it is ridiculous that a person would date outside their race because they want a women that’s submissive or less demanding, it’s insulting their are strong women in the world regardless of race.
Thanks for being real
Comment by jokeboy69 on 11 August 2009:
who the hell cares what other people think i for one dont people who ever you are attracted to and who ever makes you feel good who ever makes you melt i am atracted to black woman and i dont care wether anybody likes it or not i will be with the one who makes me compleat and for me that is a black woman
Comment by bigeyes31 on 11 August 2009:
jokeboy69
It’s nice that you know what you want and are serious about handling your business.
Peace
Comment by tatted2death on 22 August 2009:
I am so glad to see 85kguy broaden his view a bit and pick up that “olive branch”……I KNEW you had it in you…..
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by Trey on 23 August 2009:
I’m a white guy, and I’ve always found black women attractive. I don’t know why a black guy would want a white woman to be honest.
Comment by WVMMRH on 29 August 2009:
I date only women of my own race..preference.i don’t date for the sake of diversity.i date who’m i know i’m comfortable with…again… preference.
dating to be diverse ,racially or culturally,just isn’t my thing.
Comment by 85kguy on 29 August 2009:
Thanks for the praise tatted2death (great moniker!)
Big ups to Azrazyel as part of my inspiration to take a higher road!
All you have to do is Yahoo “Superhighways Destroyed Black Communities” and you will see why you like white men and white women more than blacks.
Here are the facts brothers and sisters, here is why you have bad black men and women in your midst in abundance.
You was played way back in 1956. Set up like a domino. Your community devastated before you were born by lack of representation just before you got civil rights and voting representation in local urban governments.
Da Man did this, not your black men and women. No black economy, no good black men or women.
Please read below from a university professor. If you are a black american, male or female, they beat you with a 42,000 mile whip before you were born and did not teach you about it. Especially the last part.
Urban Expressways and the Central Cities
In Postwar America
Raymond A. Mohl
University of Alabama at Birmingham
American cities experienced dramatic change in the decades after the Second World War. These
changes included the massive deconcentration of central city population, the shift of economic
activities to the suburban periphery, the deindustrialization or redistribution of metropolitan manufacturing, and a racial turnover of population that left many of the largest American cities with a majority black population well before the end of the twentieth century. Various government policies contributed to these large-scale changes, such as tax and mortgage policies, public housing programs, and urban redevelopment schemes. Closely connected to these powerful urban transformations was the construction after 1956 of the national interstate highway system, a 42,500-mile network of high-speed, limited-access highways that linked cities across the country.
When policy makers and highway engineers determined that the new interstate highway system should
penetrate to the heart of the central cities, they made a fateful decision, but also a purposeful one.
Indeed, the interstate system’s urban expressways, or freeways, not only penetrated the cities but they
ripped through residential neighborhoods and leveled wide swaths of urban territory, ostensibly to facilitate automobility. In retrospect, it now seems apparent that public officials and policy makers, especially at the state and local level, used expressway construction to destroy low-income and especially black neighborhoods in an effort to reshape the physical and racial landscapes of the
postwar American city.
Comment by 85kguy on 29 August 2009:
In 1956 blacks could not just purchase property in a white community and operate a business!!
Black dollars stopped circulating. Black businesses and black banks closed!!
You could not even purchase a home in white america back then!!
So, there were less role models and less opportunity for blacks just before the Voting Rights Act was passed into law.
Black prison percentages swelled!!
Public housing application rates soared in the black community!!
Its a free country, but help them out if you can.
Yeah, the author says “Black Women Have No Option”
Someone said “If you don’t know history, history will repeat itself!” (or something like that)
Sorry that woman was jumped at the club in Minneapolis, MN. But she was never taught that these are the children of black urban refugees. Sometimes a white can appear like a scavenger and that can enrage other blacks.
Been here 400 years, own hardly anything, but an attraction to the people that put you in the mess that you are in.
White people wanting to date try to understand what you ask sometimes. It is a lot.
If these black people love you they must be very good christians indeed.
Others will remember stories of slave ignorance. How many slaves kept from education and opportunity loved their slave master. When “massuh” died they mourned his or her passing.
I really want to ask a white person. How does a black person know that you really love them?
What do you tell them?
Well<
Show them how white people always show up to denounce the Klan and supremacist when they march.
Show them how you grew up learning and believing in your heart that apartheid was wrong in South Africa.
Tell them that this is a new day.
Best Regards to all.
Comment by 85kguy on 30 August 2009:
I know they gonna hit my black $ss w/something and none of these people on the site can tell me what.
If you love thats no problem. Uneducated slaves loved too. So did some of their white contemporaries who were abolitionists.
Here is one of your abolitionist in this era (and you can read nowadays!!!). Love conquers all? I don’t think so. Abolitionists conquer all for the future of an integrated America!!
Rember the name: John A. Powell, this dude is special!!!
excerpted from: john a. powell, ,
DREAMING OF A SELF BEYOND WHITENESS AND ISOLATION, 18 Washington University Journal of Law and Policy 45, 29- (2005)(90 Footnotes omitted)
In the post-civil-rights era, how is it that whiteness and racial hierarchy endure despite the end of Jim Crow and the end of the legal enforcement of what many considered to be the ultimate boundary, anti-miscegenation laws? I have argued elsewhere and will continue to argue here that the way we organize our metropolitan areas, especially through persistent segregation, plays a large part in maintaining a way of racially distributing benefits and burdens, and provides the necessary space and boundary for whiteness to continue to flourish. It is clear, and increasingly accepted by contemporary geographers, that the spatial and the social are mutually constitutive.
Historically, Jim Crow laws had been most heavily developed in the South. However, the North had long used more rhetorically benign ways of inscribing whiteness. While the South was using specific laws that separated whites and blacks more by status than by physical space, the North was much more likely to use spatial separation. At the time that blacks began to demand an end to Jim Crow laws and started moving north, the country was creating, on a massive scale, a new white place called the suburbs. From its inception, this place was explicitly white space. When this space was challenged by Dr. King in Cicero, a Chicago suburb, by leading a march against housing discrimination, he was attacked by angry whites and there was a withdrawing of Northern support for civil rights. In many respects, the civil rights movement in this country was about the South, and attacking the ways that the South had constructed white space. Not only was the Northern form of white space not successfully attacked, but it was actually expanded to protect and extend white privilege.
Today, our arrangements of metropolitan space–persistent segregation, concentrated poverty, and fragmented governments people and opportunity in a racialized way reinscribing whiteness and its attendant privileges. We can, in part, trace this back to the government. The executive and legislative branches help finance white flight through transportation spending, subsidies and other measures, and the courts help to develop legal barriers to facilitate the exclusion of blacks and, to a lesser extent, other non-whites. For years, blacks and other marginalized groups fought to get into public space as full members, in part to have access to opportunity, but also to change the rules around space. What has happened in the last fifty years since the dismantling of Jim Crow is that rules related to public space have changed and shifted, and white space has become quasi-private. So now, the suburbs are treated as private, with the implicit right to exclude, and cities are treated as public. Blacks are now moving to the suburbs in record numbers, trying to take advantage of well-financed, high-functioning schools, and to gain access to emerging job markets and other opportunities. But to date, much of their efforts have been frustrated by the protections that the law and public policy have extended to this new white space. At one point, the Court treated local space only as a function of the State, and therefore, accessible to and able to be regulated by the State. Nevertheless, as blacks began to move to these spaces, there was an important shift as local autonomy became constitutionalized. What we are seeing today is a devolution not just back to States’ Rights, which was always bound up in the right to regulate blacks and create white space, but also a devolution back to local rights, which is increasingly being used to draw boundaries around white space.
The civil rights movement has been successful in opening up public space just in time to see that power and privilege shift to private space. Blacks gained power in the cities as opportunities left. This is why Winant can note that “the elimination of Jim Crow did not really occur” and that civil rights laws fail to “address the deeper logic of race in U.S. history and culture.” This is not about individual preference on the part of whites. Whites did not and could not create this space without the economic and legal support of the government. This realignment has caused another major shift in political alliances in this country. Northern suburban whites have realigned with Southern whites. The realignment has been both facilitated and exploited by the Republican Party. It is based on maintaining white space by preying on white fears without the explicit use of Jim Crow laws. Even though this process was complex, some variation of it was predicted by President Johnson when he signed the voting rights act into law. So despite Brown, lunch counter sit-ins, marches on Washington, riots, speeches, hundreds of civil rights laws, and considerable gains in terms of racial attitudes, today we still live in racially segregated neighborhoods, send our children to racially segregated schools, have a transportation system and a health care system that is highly racialized, and distribute future opportunity through racialized wealth, all with virtually no reference to racism.
What is particularly important to the focus of this paper is that this phenomenon of spatial racism helps explain why the ending of anti-miscegenation laws and other old white boundaries did not bring about the destruction of whiteness as a social category. Too often, we tend to focus on particular borders or boundaries, obscuring our understanding of the fluid and relational nature of these boundaries. There is not a singular way to arrange institutions and structures to preserve whiteness and recreate racial hierarchy. Our focus on what was and its demise may obscure what is, and more importantly, what will be. At the same time that Jim Crow laws were being attacked and dismantled, the country was restructuring with new boundaries that would facilitate a new form of racial hierarchy. Federal Judge Robert Carter has noted that he was mistaken in thinking that the principle problem of racial exclusion was segregation. He now notes that segregation was but a symptom of the more intractable problem of white supremacy. I do not say this in order to be pessimistic, nor to downplay the roles that segregation and white space have in creating whiteness, but simply to urge us to be aware that while we are fighting to change these racial boundaries, new and transformed structures, institutions and arrangements may be emerging to shore up whiteness.
Comment by tatted2death on 7 September 2009:
Your posts are always an excellent read, 85k….(when you keep them concise and not so personal…lol) ….quite an interesting take on things I’ve read/heard before. You definitely should consider writing professionally if you don’t already do so.
Peace
Comment by sites on 9 September 2009:
LMAO this world is truly in a state of decline and much of the response to this poorly written blog stands as irrefutable proof of that.
Comment by Robby_32 on 11 September 2009:
I think Chris Rock is on something. I’ve never posted on this site before so before I get started let me say howdy. I’m a white Southern male from the country with two awsome kids and my wife is black. She didn’t date and marry me because she had no other options. She dated and married me because I treat her right. Or at least I try to.
Comment by Maidinheaven on 11 September 2009:
I am very blessed; beautiful inside and out, which has left me with MANY options in the man I choose to have in my life. I have never restricted myself to what race he may have been or is.
I have many options: Caucasian, Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Black, African, Swedish, German, Jewish, Latino, Mexican, Philipino, Old, Young, Cripple and Crazy. (smile) I am blessed. I know who I am and my value and worth as a woman. God made me special and I have never had a lack of attention from men. Since I know my value, I am extremely selective as to who I allow into my circle and I do not spread myself thin.
Chris Rock has some issues of his own- I truly believe that if he did not have some celebrity status, he couldn’t get most Black women to spit on him if he were on fire to put him out. He should just chill.
Let’s start something new. Find someone you can like and get on with life. This thread could stretch to the outer limits of Mars and still not be resolved. Some of these people have serious issues no idea of self-love. Some have just been made big fools out of and cannot seem to heal. Some are just down right mentally ill.
Live & love before die.
Comment by Teska27 on 15 September 2009:
Well, I dont think its true that black women only date white men out of despiration. I happen to love white men and not because black men date white women. This have never bothered me and people are entitled to like who ever they want.
Comment by nikkay87 on 19 September 2009:
I am an african american young woman. I am 21 years old and a junior at a prodiminently white university. I’m into the arts, traveling (I lived in europe for 2 semesters to study Italian) and I must say I have a hard time finding “Brothas” who share my same interests even “sistahs”. I’m often critized for being the token black girl b/c I’m always one of the few black people present when I do the things I love. Even when I attend plays about black characters I am one of the few blacks in the audience. That is sad. At the end of the day I exclusively date black men b/c that is my preference. I am sure there are good white men out there and have been approached by white men in the past but I’m not attracted them, no offense. There are white men who are good looking but they don’t satisfy my appetite culturally, sexually, or in any other way. And that is not meant to offend anyone. Every black woman I know all want black men. There are a few and very few who date white men out of desperation b/c the black men they encounter don’t treat them right or b/c they feel by dating a white guy they are granted access into that “white world”. I live in an predominantly white neighborhood not because I want to be around white people b/c I want to be safe. I want a Barnes and Nobles 2 blocks away and a cold stone. I want a bank and a grocery store that sells top of the line meats and produce. Not meat that’s gone bad for exuberant prices. And I am insulted when black men and young boys date white women at the rates that they date them. I have befriended great women who are in fact white. But, I don’t see brothers even dating them. When I ask my uncles, brothers, fellow “Brothas”, and peers why, why white women? They simple reply, that they are easy and buy them things. They say that white women are the “it factor ” and then put black women down. They call me an exception. I am no exception to the rule. There are plenty of black women who are educated, open-minding to new things, cultured (outside of their own), and childless. There are many black women who are attractive and independent. All that we ask our black men is to cooperate with us and do their part. And I find it disgusting that many “brothas” will feed “sistahs” excuses then turn around and get themselves together so that they have something for themselves and then turn around and have white women reap their rewards. Black love is Black wealth. And it hurts to hear “brothas” say white women are easy even as a black woman b/c I know many white women who I have alot of respect for and are anything but. I’m not writing this post to defend anyone. I am writing this post b/c black men and black women need to establish a dialogue. We need to come in terms with ourselves before we go outside b/c it will only be for all of the wrong reasons. The reality is why discriminate against your own kind? Have black women regressed to breeders? We breed these men but aren’t good enough to marry? The foot ball players and other public figures have set a trend. And as with all trends, they have their followers. What is interracial union promoting when 9 out 10 it involves a black man and a white woman? My friends who are white who’ve dated black men all reply that black men have the bigger penis and all of these other inflammatory responses. I take it upon myself to educate them and make them aware that I am insulted and that black men, women, black people are more than their bodily attributes and athletic skills. Lastly, black men understand that many black boys don’t come from 2 parent households. When they see you in the store, walking, on tv, in your cars, in the papers, on the internet they look up to you. You influence them whether you want to see it and admit it or not. You have to ask yourself why am I with this woman. Why did I even start relations with this woman initially. Be real with yourself. When they see you, they see themselves. When they see you with white women they see themselves with white women. That’s the reality. For those who really do find love in someone of another race defend your union. But, understand and recognize that everyone who is following your footsteps is not necessarily following your footsteps but mimicking them.
Comment by Azrazyel on 19 September 2009:
nikkay87:
You sound disturbed.
You have a preference to date black men.
You don’t need to hate black men who date white women.
Comment by queenie1967 on 19 September 2009:
Hello Everyone
ming away from the subject just a bit, I just wanted all of us to reflect for a minute we speak of slavery something we never really been exposed to like our parents, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, I am a 60’s child: Malcom X (1925-1965)
Ralph Abernathy (1925-1968), w.e.b. Dubois (1868-1963), Medgar Evers ( 1925-1963) & Martin L. King 91925-1965). Question did all of these civil right leaders die in vain? It breaks my heart to hear us as black people and people disreapect each other men and and women alike judge each other because of a preference. If that black man is attracted to white women oh well because there was time if he as much looked side ways at a white woman he was lynched or beaten to death…right….history said so…if that black woman is attracted to that white man or well because remember she had no choice…lets night forget history…thats what the civil right movement was about the choice to attend any school or college I wanted to, to live in communities were I was not permitted to walk through or live, the choice to eat in any restaurant I wanted not in the back but in the front..the choice to sit beside instead in the back of the bus…the choice to date whom ever I wanted. We were killed for being with someone opposite of us but now we have a choice and you call a black men and women sellout and we bash each other because of a choice we made to be with someone thats non black, does it mean that I hate my self..no it means simply YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO A WOMAN OR MAN, NOT THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN JUST THE PERSON..FATE IS SOMETHING PEOPLE AS LONG AS YOU LIVE YOU CAN NEVER SAY NEVER BECAUSE BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE A LIAR OUT OF YOU. LOVE LIFE AND LIVE AND BE GRATEFUL YOUR STILL HERE. BLACK WOMEN WE ARE BEAUTIFUL,STRONG AND WE COME IN MANY SHADES OF COLOUR SHAPES AND SIZES: “IF GOD IS FOR YOU NO MAN CAN BE AGAINST YOU”. THESE LEADERS DIE FOR ALL US - FOR EQUALITY AND HEAR WE ARE HATING, BASHING AND DISREPEATING EACH OTHER..I KNOW THEY ARE TURNING IN THEIR GRAVES RIGHT. NOW. RACISM IS VERY MUCH ALIVE BUT WE DON’T HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO …SAD..
MARTIN L.KING QUOTES:
•Without love, benevolence becomes egotism.
•We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
•We have flown the air like birds and swum the sea like fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of walking the earth like brothers.
•Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.
•Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man’s sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.
On August After being arrested and jailed in Birmingham, AL, Martin Luther King, Jr helped organize a march on Washington, DC, on 28 August 1963. His partners in the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom included other religious leaders, labor leaders, and black organizers. The march went down the Washington Mall from the Washington Monument to the Lincoln Memorial. In front of the Lincoln Memorial, King delivered this closing speech, which was carried live on network television. The speech is credited with mobilizing supporters of desegregation and prompted the passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Act.
I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we’ve come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we’ve come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the “unalienable Rights” of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.”
But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we’ve come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.
We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.
We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.
We cannot turn back.
There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: “For Whites Only.” We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until “justice rolls down like waters, and righteoI am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest — quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
And this will be the day — this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim’s pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.
And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last! usness like a mighty stream.”
Comment by Ichibod on 22 September 2009:
Nikkay87,
I feel everything you’re saying, but my question is why don’t more women who feel as you do realize that many black men feel this very same way as well, and try to team up with them? The black race in America is divided and has been for over a century. However we’re forced to believe that the divide is gender based. I don’t subscribe to a black man using black women as his excuse to date a woman of another race. And I can’t stand black women doing to same for a man of another race. My hatred for a black woman doing it is because when she does, it almost always is a white man versus any other race of man that she has forsaken black men for. It signals more serious issues than just the previous black men in her life that is wrong with her and the same goes for the men who have forsaken black women. We as black men and women should listen more to each other speak and see that we are saying the exact same things only replacing the words “brotha” with “sista”, man with woman when we do speak. This is not man against women. Like Chris Rock said, “There’s a war going on between Blacks and N****s.” There are men and women on both sides. That’s also why I get so offended when I hear some statements about black men. I know which ones apply to me and ones that don’t. I know which ones apply to others and I am not trying to be confused or mixed up with others I don’t care for and I have no time for mistaken identities and stray bullets. Men need to engage other men in regard to their conduct and women need to do the same with other women. It can go the other way around but looking at some of the comments in the topics of this site’s blog, that doesn’t go too well most of the time.
Also, I myself know what it’s like to be “the token”. And having so much TRUE knowledge of black history and being I am not black? What’s that about? Believe me, that didn’t come from black people. That used to come from the n****s.
Comment by Ichibod on 22 September 2009:
Azrazyel,
Nikkay87 is okay. I feel she expressed herself very well, I can’t believe she is just 21. She was basically speaking on what Mr Queens might call, “The Sellout Black Men”… or at least that’s how I would best describe them. Using black women as their excuse to date other races of women, particularly, white women. It may seem weird reading it at first because we never see that here, but there are black men who do say what she has heard them say about black women and similarly to what we read black women saying about black men. So, if she sounds disturbed, I’m sure she is… as disturbed as myself regarding the above mentioned issues. Later, bro!
Comment by Ichibod on 22 September 2009:
“And having so much TRUE knowledge of black history and being told I am not black?”
I had left a word out. Totally change the meaning of that sentence.
Comment by Maximmus on 22 September 2009:
New name.
I understand ich. Just hurts to see so much conflict between brothers and sisters.
I just wish we could live in peace and harmony amongst ourselves and learn to come to terms of changing times and love one another.
I believe one day we will. It will take some time, healing and understanding for us to love one another and support each other no matter whom we choose to love.
After all, it’s only skin color that separates us all. We’re all the same and as soon as we can love one another, same race and other races, we have much discussion and work to do to get there.
Comment by Buju5 on 8 October 2009:
The media is a very powerful tool of persuasion not only in this country but in the world. And because of that fact many truths have been distorted. Black men are looked at with such distain! The depictions are always negative,a constant barrage of insults directed at them from every direction. Most of the black women know exactly what I’m talking about and none of the white men can or could ever experience or understand. Now the media misconstrue the facts and idiosyncrasies run rabid! Now don’t get me wrong black men have deep rooted problems, no doubt! But many point fingers but even less care. “Love is love” that much is true but there are many of you, and you know who you are;that have personal gain! To those of you who are genuine in your search for love, I hope you find what you are looking for but to all of you that are spurious, I also hope you get exactly what you get, peace.
Comment by TricciNicci on 9 October 2009:
Many of you make some very real points about being Black in America. From what I’ve read of these posts, this one seems to be the most diversified in points of view and discussion blends. I enjoyed reading about the impact of centralization and decentralization on the urban populace.
I was born in an area like this. When my grandparents and others began relocating to the major cities, areas were targeted, red lined and emptied out through “white flight”. Property values plummeted automatically causing the new minority owner’s to owe the banks more than the homes were valued at. Of course white banks, politicians and builders partnered with the banks all grew fat on fear. Of course, whites who partook in white flight were rewarded by buying-up and into an economic scale that benefited them exclusively.
Those whites who chose to stay or could not afford to move lost value their property value, but could afford to blend in anywhere else in society without fear of reprise…that is unless it was revealed you lived “where the blacks live”. You might be called out of your name. Some whites just took it and waited out the generation or two before the land would be wanted again and one’s own neighborhood became to costly through taxes or increase in valuation to stay.
Blacks (as in predominantly Black or minority owned neighborhoods), on the other hand, were never truly able to enjoy the American Dream again without government assistance. This is mostly due to the boxing in of our communities. One has to rely on the government to go to school because the property value of your business or home usually won’t produce the monetary milk white neighborhoods tend to realize. Forget about opening that great-idea-of-a-business on your own as the following short reveals, Mrs. White and Mrs. Black have the same size home, just in different neighborhoods.
In their new home, Mrs. White was able to make home improvements with a personal loan from Mr. White’s parents. This was before Little Johnny was born. Mr. White received yearly raises so by the time Little Johnny was able to go to school, with the equity in their home as collateral, the White’s received a yes to their application at the local bank for a small loan to start a home kitchen baking business.
Mrs. White planned to use her PTA connections to grow her list of customers for her famous pies, cakes and brownies. Mr. White had a bonus coming at the end of the year and with the small profit they figured coming from her small business and his bonus, they’d pay the seniors the money for their home improvement project.
Yes, the future looked bright for the White’s. When year’s end came their smart planning, hard work and determination paid off. Mr. White had to contribute a little more than expected, but Knew his future salary projections would more than make up for it. When they offered the money back to the senior White’s they accepted. Just as soon as the check was handed to them, the seniors handed back a deposit book with a balance sheet one and a quarter times the amount the jr’s had just paid…with their check beneath it. “Your mother and I opened an account for Little Johnny’s future before he was born. We’ve added to it as much as we could. The interest didn’t hurt either. We want you to add the loan to that”.
The White’s new they were headed in the White - oops - the right direction. They looked at each other and simply smiled, graciously thanking the two loving and generous supporters. The right job, wife, husband, supportive allies, a rallying community, new business and the determination and commitment to help the next generation of the siblings they planned for Little Johnny.
They felt lucky as the stars looking at the happy and handsomely, cherubic face of their child. As nice as it was the senior White’s gifted them, the White’s knew better than to rely upon such show of compassion constantly. They knew all to well their bank near the local grocer just four blocks away from the five minute walk to Little Johnny’s school was their closest ally. Every quarter Mrs. White sent a box along with her monthly payment of the bank manager’s favorite cookies, snicker doodles, just to keep hope alive.
Mrs. Black had just stepped out of her car with keys in hand to her new house. She had made it the day before to a late close alone because her husband couldn’t get time off though he had asked right after they reached final approval by the bank. So here she was for the biggest purchase of their marriage without her man to share it with.
Had it not been for her grandparents this dream would be to far away to be attainable. The bank had frowned on their initial application, turning them away eventhough they kept ostensibly perfect credit. She had been brought up like that, so had her husband. She could still here her grandmother’s voice warning her that all “they” have to do is find one good reason to…
Her husband, Mr. Black, was for some a bit of an ambitious man. Mrs. Black had wanted to stay in their small community but Mr. Black recognized the need for change and had heard of the opportunities being given to men in his industry as the main city grew. They determined money from the sale of their old house would be more than enough with what they believed the cost of the new house would be.
Both were from good backgrounds but Mr. Black’s mother and father were not in an economic position to help at all. Still their love and support was enough. Initially they tried to talk them out of the move to the main city. They also knew the will of their headstrong son, finally giving their blessing.
Mrs. Black had been raised by her grandparents after a series of failed relationships followed her mother’s quadroon looks. When she’d finally met her mother’s latest “husband”, she’d promise to come back for the then girl after the “real” marriage and settling in. That had been so many ponytail memories and happy birthday cakes ago. Happy days were guiltily overshadowed with silent tears upon her pillow after her grandparents tucked her in at night. She hadn’t forgotten, she had just buried the pain superficially under a ton of achievements and busy schedule. By the time she’d said ‘I do’ to the future Mr. Black her self determination lay in repaying the love her grandparents had shown her and overcompensating the feelings of disentitlement remaining from the mystery of her mother.
This storybook of scratchy realities passed through her mind as she walked from the car to the front door of a dream she and the absent Mr. Black had made and achieved together. As she shoved her key into the front door Ms. Black noticed her neighbor walking her dog. Politely waving as she turned the key in the lock, the neighbor walked over in response as Mrs. Black opened the door to her family’s new home.
“Hi” the neighbor said. Before she could introduce herself properly, the neighbor blurted excitedly, “I’m so glad they got to sell this so quickly. I was a little worried cause we can’t just have houses sitting, Lord knows what it’d do to values” before plunging in again to add, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m Mrs. Andersen from next door. You must be the new people’s maid.” Now looking about Mrs. Black nervously stating, “Aaa-are they meeting you here shortly?” she finished in a trailing off fashion.
Mrs. Black responded she was not the maid, but she and her husband were the new owners and occupants. The new neighbor seemed in a state of confusion thereafter. Staying on almost dazed like rambling something of implying the agent assured her some ‘nice people’ would be moving into the vacant home. The conversation ended abruptly. The neighbor never finished her statement but turned on her heels walking away in a tuft, yanking her yelping dog as she went.
The Black’s never got to know those neighbors at all, but noticed the diverted and overt stares they received not long after the news of their move spread like wild fire through the neighborhood. It actually started before then on the drive home as they passed their own private Mason-Dixon line quietly marked as uncharted at the turn off South.
A ‘for sale’ sign near the new neighbor’s mailbox was their welcome basket a week later. With four others hotly chasing within days. Little had they known, a “neighborhood meeting” had been called by their fellow “concerned citizens”. The friendly real estate agent who represented them, somehow managed through great apology and citing changing laws he “had no control over” to magically sign up 12 new clients. His partner 7 and that darned competing firm had to show up to snatch some right from beneath his nose. Oh well, he couldn’t grab ‘em all, but he made out like a bandit anyway. 12 clients in one day? Why that didn’t include the mothers, cousins, friends - oh my! He knew just the builder to take them to and the additional cost on the new purchases was sure to send his wife to the furriers for the new mink she’d been pleading for!
One neighbor making unkind reference said the two racial groups even tried living together in places before. It never worked out the old timer said due to the blacks being lazy and dirty. The realty agent thanked him personally after the meeting for generously sharing that bit of ‘unknown’ information. He felt it helped point some riding the fence in the right direction. He also slipped a crisp bill into the old timer’s palm as he shook his hand. The crowd barely fit in the cafeteria of the local school so no one realized the older man to be a plant.
As the point of contention wasn’t unregulated fencing, dogs running rampant or hard to understand city codes for expansion, but “blacks taking over and ruining everything”. At the anniversary of their first year in the new house, the Black family had seen some changes. The neighborhood was going through a color change. Not paint on walls or interior designs, but literally going from a white composition of owners to black.
Mrs. Black’s job as a school teacher was to be given a boost as well. With the rapidly changing colorscape, white teachers had been fleeing their jobs in droves while others refused to take their place at the white school down the block. One had walked out abruptly yelling, “I just cain’t stand this no more!” as yet another child of tanned permanence was added to her class load.
Though an atrocious experience for the child, it became a laughing matter in the Black’s tightly knit ethnic community. As the white teacher’s poor selection of grammar belied her supposed superiority. Of course others were just evil and mean spirited as the change happened. Mrs. Black not only felt it she saw it on the line that told her their lovely new home’s worth. It was quite considerably less.
It was bad enough their ‘friendly’ realty agent initially hadn’t wanted to represent them. After finding out the referral had come from a white associate of Mr. Black’s parents a more ‘polite’ form of fact checking which seemed in effort to find wiggle room, he finally relented. The realty agent was a saint in comparison to the bank whom the Black’s knew were not giving them a fair deal. Still, the house was a necessity if they were to fulfill Mr. Black’s goals for his family.
That was their other change. Mrs. Black was pregnant expecting their first child. They had worked so hard, both their families had told them to not focus upon what the fleeing whites were seeing, just focus on the nucleus of their lives which was their church, dreams and community. They knew they had the enriched love of their family. That was the stray bullet the whites weren’t expecting.
Some they thought were friendly revealed by being the last to leave, that they were just hold outs thinking the blacks would move in then move out. Of course that was to be made a reality once someone else made them understand they weren’t wanted. When that didn’t take place, they felt forced to leave. By Little Johnnie’s first birthday, the neighborhood may as well have been 100% black. A few people from the original population in the neighborhood didn’t sell, but one rarely saw them, if ever.
The Black’s home value continued a steady slide downward, but the overwhelming availability of homes in the area had risen sharply and the surrounding neighborhoods filled with more and more blacks. So many proud homeowners, all prospering, all happy to take what others found useless. Whites were no longer seen in the area and the uncharted Mason-Dixon line had been expanded to include the street on which Mrs. Black now lived.
Life for the Black’s certainly felt good on the inside no matter the signs O’ the times. Mr. Black came home one evening happy as a bear at a vacated campsite exclaiming about the opportunity he and a friend had mapped out. He had been getting so much side work on the weekends from homeowners wanting home improvement services, they had decided to partner up. The Black’s, like many in their area, had tried and been denied home improvement loans for one reason or another. Not all had been turned away such as the Pastor and one of the deacons at their community church, but most that they knew had.
Mr. Black had been passed over once again for the foreman’s position on his job. There had been the anger and questioning of the quality of his character versus the character and background of the obviously white man selected. This one, Mr. Black was sure had a drinking problem. He said he reeked of alcohol one day when the two bumped into one another leaving the mens room. The guy didn’t have the talent or fore site needed.
Mr. Black knew he was better suited each time. He also knew why he didn’t get the job each time after being with the company for eight years and waiting five before even competing. He’d worked in the same field since he was 15 years old and had worked every chance he got since he was 11.
Mr. Black had saved up when not helping his parents with their bustling family. He had plans for his future since he could remember. He knew he and his missus where a formidable team. Mrs. Black had the brains and education, he certainly had the brawn. So for the first time he felt it was ok because this time he had options. His anger even subsided and he felt calm because he had a plan.
Mrs. Black kept the books in their house. Mr. Black said he was good with his hands and she was good with numbers. They’d always laugh at this comparison as they both came from families in which the men were the moneymakers and bookkeepers. Mrs. Black had mentioned to her husband the state of the property value, just not its exact state. When the partners announced their business concept and Mrs. Black inquired where the money would come from Mr. Black said they would discuss it later.
After Little Johnnie was tucked in and dinner cleaned up. They sat near Mrs. Black’s small flower garden on the swing she’d often rocked her baby to sleep on with sweet lullabies in hushed tones. Mr. and Mrs. Black lovingly put their heads together over their financial concerns. Mrs. Black explained to her husband after he revealed his plan for a second mortgage to structure his company, there was not enough equity in the house to safely ask for a second. The only thing that had become an advantage was lowered property taxes, but not much could be secured by way of their home besides love and shelter. At least not for years yet after the blockbusting would cease.
Mrs. Black had heard of a tax program for minority businesses through a member of the school board. She and Mr. Black decided to use the possibility of the existence of such a thing just in case the bank said no. Several month’s later they received answer from the bank. It took the bank 30 minutes to flatly deny the Black’s. It took the Black’s three months of preparation, several letters of reference and 60 miles round trip to find that out. Not to mention their 5 years of precisely on time payments. At six foot two and 190 lbs of daily grind and dedication Mr. Black cried. It was also their child’s first day of school.
PROLOGUE: There would come a time in the Black’s future when they’d no longer be in the red, but actually in the black. It just wasn’t that day, nor that year nor the next. The vast differences between the Black’s and their counterpart family, the White’s, had little to do with the spirit of the person. Same work ethics, same dedication to community and family, same encouragement and grit of self determination. They even had the same floorplan which I did not detail here. Yet, obviously society imparts two separate menu of rules.
In today’s society the result of this non-concrete whip emerges as well into questions found in these blogs. We have to remember these our society’s rules and not something most would chose to impart upon self. So when the question is asked such as the one above and the historical perspective reviewed, the answer should always be a resounding YES! WE ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS THOUGH HARD TO ATTAIN, FORGOTTEN ABOUT, HIGHER THAN THE REST AND SEEMINGLY OUT OF REACH. NOTHING IS GOING TO GET US DOWN!!!
Comment by Winky on 14 October 2009:
I’ve never dated outside of the black race, and I thought it was impossible to be attracted to a white man. But I have to admit, that anytime I see or feel attracted to a white man even in the smallest way, it’s always someone from abroad. In my opinion, which I’m entitled to, there’s a big difference in USA Caucasians and Caucasians from abroad. That might be a completely different story….and I’ve heard it said also from black women that have traveled abroad. So, in not an offensive way, Chris just might have a point, but I’m beginning to understand that there is another whole specie of Caucasian men in this world. A woman I knew, who had never dated white men stated that while she was in London, England, she had been dating white men.
Comment by TricciNicci on 14 October 2009:
Winky,
I am sooo in agreement with you! It’s funny, I juuust finished saying that in another thread on this blog. Yes, people do get offended. You know what, I wonder if the whole historical perspective impacts me as well. In my families history we cannot pinpoint on my father’s side any link to American slavery as both grandparent’s descended through non-slave lines: My grandfather was French-Canadian and my grandmother was of Haitian descendency, non-slave.
My mom’s side has heavy Native American-African lineages with Irish/Scottish mixes, but as far back as the great-great’s no slaves. Still I have dated and have been attracted to Caucasian men of American descendancy, but they are usually Jewish or Irish, lol! Others who’ve been interested in me have had heavy German and English influences/backgrounds, but I just don’t have the attraction on my behalf.
Yet, it’s the reverse internationally. I find myself much attracted to the variation of cultures I experience in European men. I am not caught up on COLOR like so many here in the States seem to dwell on. I don’t care if the guy is any twinge of whatever shade inbetween zero and 10,000 hues. The color of his eyes could be turqouise or jet black. I wouldn’t care, but the celebration of HOW he lives means everything to me. Now What’s up with that? Things that make you go hmmmm, lol!
Comment by bigeyes31 on 14 October 2009:
Winky and TricciNicci
That’s it! That’s it! I’m going to Europe,LOL. I can’t wait until I meet the perfect man for me!! I just have this undying hope that I will meet a great European man perfect for me and all these racial hangups will be a memory! I know that sounds like a romance novel, which by the way I don’t like, but in the face of all the tension in this country,I have to have faith.
Peace
Comment by TricciNicci on 15 October 2009:
Ok, ok Big Eyes, that’s it! Since this is an interracial site, I think we should make it of just as an international intention as it is of interracial tone, lol! If you can catch a ride to Europe for a tour, I’m on the same train across the Big Pond (or under it whenever they get that thing underway)! Plane, boat or the Concord will do, lol!
Maybe instead of arguing with some of these party poopers (don’t wanna mention names, lol) we should be calling a travel agent!!! Fares are cheaper in March and the Eurorail will take you cheeeeeaaaap! I’ve got Marriott Rewards for the best hotels and don’t mind racking up some new points. Just let me know when the Odyssey begins and I’m THERE!!!!!!!!
Comment by RYAN on 15 October 2009:
i am white, but i only mess with black women, i was just curious about if most black men really cares or wonders why a black woman dates a white man
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 15 October 2009:
Dear Ryan
I was curious if most white men care if black men fuck white women?
Only if they are skinny I assume.
Have a nice day.
Comment by RYAN on 15 October 2009:
i cant speak for all white men, but i dont care because im not physically attracted to white women, do ur thing
Comment by Lance on 21 October 2009:
I’m 44 white male enjoying a very intense physical and emotional relationship with a special black woman. We’ve both dated within our races, and outside of our races, and know what we like. Isn’t that enough? And no, she isn’t skinny… just curvy and pleasing.
We might end up at the altar in the months ahead, as we both realized we were thinking “baby” after every love making session.
Peace
Comment by tatted2death on 24 October 2009:
Peace and Blessing to you, Lance….thanks for giving the “curvy” lady a boost….LOL.
Comment by MINDYA OWN on 30 October 2009:
As a black man, I have nothing against my black sisters, but am currently married to a white woman (the mother of my children). I have dated asian, white, native american and black women, all of whom were very special to me but just happened to fall in love with a woman who is white. I still get black women who get mad at me when they see us together and they really get mad when they see our kids but I say **** them, they ain’t paying my bills. I have nothing against white men who prefer chocolate over vanilla either, a man or woman should date whomever they want and not have to worry about what others think.
Comment by trustee on 3 November 2009:
Who in the hell is this Mr Laurelton Queens dude. This fool is going around talking like he is the shit. Well let me tell you something Queens, you really do not know anythign about black women and the way they live, so you need to shut your mouth and get a job. So no one has to hear from you again. You needs to grow up and grow two pairs, so you won’t be so bitter and cold. Black women are smart and as nifty as white ones. Quit nagging like a little bitch and get over your self, then maybe one day you will get laid. ” blogging legend” my ass. Black is a proud color and you need to quit hating.