Warning: The article below may be offensive to some readers. This is not the objective. The article is in no way meant to defame or inflame any parties, groups or persons. It is simply meant to find out why people make the choices they make when it comes to interracial dating.
A visitor to John Cho’s IMDB page left this comment “I hope he dates a white girl.” The commenter possibly an Asian male elucidated that it would serve Asian women right if a hot and attractive Asian male ended up with a white woman; coz Asian women so frequently date white men.
Sorry bro. John Cho is married to an Asian (Kerri Higuchi).
Before, when people made such comments, I used to assume probably these are just lonely people feeling betrayed by women or men of their races hence blaming them for their loneliness. Problem is that aint the case. Such comments pop up online all the time.
Take the example of Halle Berry’s IMDB page or blogs/sites that mention the interracial kid (Nahla) she just had with white Canadian model Gabriel Aubry. Trust me, there is a string of such remarks posted by black women. These black women not only applaud Halle for dating a white man but also express resentment against black men for not being in committed relationships with black women. And the argument goes: Black men are either in jail … are afraid of marriage … are dating white women … are dead. So, if they sit back and wait for them to get it together, they’ll be sentenced to being childless or alone.
The above comments are just stereotypes against black men and Asian women. So one can’t help but wonder; Do Asian men and black women end up in interracial relationships for different reasons than their female or male counterparts, respectively? Do they date interracially as a way of giving the middle finger to those they feel have betrayed them or are they avoiding being lonely?
There are lots of Asian women for Asian men; and black men for black women too. So, I don’t get this perception that black women and Asian men have been left behind. We know perception breeds action. So, can it be that these perceptions have influenced some Asian men and black women (those feeling betrayed that is) to date interracially?
I am not trying to say that Asian men and black women are interracial dating for vengeance. No! But then again, I thought we were moving way past such finger pointing until I saw Halle’s IMDB page, so with that in mind, I couldn’t help but wonder about that likelihood. Is this interracial dating for vengeance?
You know maybe it’s just me. Or maybe that I don’t completely know my way around this site. Why do the topics seemingly to polarize around Black (mostly American) men and womens battles interracial plain? I know I must be missing something.
I don’t expect an answer, but I was hopeing to learn or see how others handle interracial topics from a VARIETY of backgrounds. This is like the 5th topic I’ve seen where the topic or its support content speaks heavily on African American and non-American women and men.
I’ll discuss the topic in a moment, but are there other topics based on positive aspects of IRD that we could look at and discuss? Like how about if people dating interracially intermix friendship circles as well or do they just stick with people like themselves?
Do people who date interracially have an impact on certain markets like housing or auto purchases? In other words, they may know other IRD couples so things of imporatance may be discussed and acted upon because they may have created a market onto themselves.
I ask because I’m only getting a lot of “feeling” stuff from the topic headings. Whoever I date, I want me, him, and us to have a positive impact (so obviously I’m not dating anyone to “get back at” or some other vengeful tactic, lol) in our own lives and on society. So I think things that any other couple would have to face and make decisions on should be discussed here to. After all this is the place for it.
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Now to the topic.
I think there are people who date interracially as a tactic or statement of vengeance. Maybe more indirect as oppossed to direct. It’s like having your cake and eating it too, depending on what’s in that person’s heart. Others take the decision to date outside of race as being vengefully done, say in the case of a community for example thinking a person who dates outside of the race is just trying to “get back at” at breaking the unsung moral code. Usually you hear this within families or close knit groups.
I’ve certainly heard it from my intimates and in my community. Some people I know herald it ok, others I know look at me sideways. It’s even come between me and a very close and very dear friend of mine who is male. We didn’t speak for a while after I discovered how he truly felt.
Since there was nothing to admonish, he couldn’t say as he tried to, “oh you’re just doing it for this or that (reason)”, then he had to get over it. So it was good our friendship won out. We are friends again. I accept him as he is and he accepts me for who I am.
Family members ranged, but most just want me to be happy with a man of my choosing. Some snide remarks were made, but most already “knew” I was going to date outside my race from the get go. Since interracial dating, by the time I was old enough to date anyway, was still a bit of a taboo most of the negative comments from family were made truly to gouge me. As in my family our very blood line sorta doesn’t follow rules of a “pure blood” lineage. So most anything that was said early on when it became apparent I wasn’t stuck on keeping racial mandates, was pretty much like the pot calling the kettle black.
Of course when you mention such facts to people you already know one may as well be speaking to a brick wall. That just proves or at least shows, people do what they want to do and just use certain moral codes/mandates to buffer between themselves and anyone wanting to do something different. To me date who you want to but try to establish what your doing in a positive manner. We all know folks do what they want, good or bad.
I’ve heard a lot of comments that make IRD sound as if it’s all sex, only chemistry provoked by looks, etc. Couples have walked in front of me or made statements in my presence to gesture a put down that the Black man is not with an African American woman. Or that the girl (I’ve heard this about not just women of my culture, but other cultures too) is only dating him (usually a Caucasian man) because he’s ‘white’ (white implying money, wealth, higher life station, etc). Others imply that a Man of Color only has what is looked upon as an advantage (as is the case with lots of people of influence both male and female) to date outside of his race due to his monetary influence. In other words the woman would not be with him, his fly looks or god like body no matter how juicy without the money and influence simply due to race. True? I think revenge is definetly a motive just like money, position or anything else which motivates the “heart” of a person.
With my own eyes I have seen a Caucasian woman snatching, hitting (smartly across the top of the head) and loudly speaking down to her mixed child. She truly seemed to be making a poor imitation in demeanor and dress of “Tameka”. She cursed him for not keeping up in the parking lot where he was almost hit by a car leaving a parking stall (It truly appeared she was wrapped in her conversation to, I presume the child’s father. Neither of them were monitoring the child’s safe crossing).
The father saw this and said nothing. That definetely seemed vengeful or ignorant one. Would she have done that if her husband were of her race and she had a child who’s father was not African American, or would she have just portrayed an outward example of what she perceived “White family’s” behavior as being? Maybe that is what many of see. Just people doing “social type-casting”. You know, copy cating.
Now I would be upset if I saw this with any person and may have intervened on the child’s behalf only or had a desire to. But truly under that action was the thought she may have done that because the child was not considered “white”. I restrained myself only because both parents were there and I did not have the number to Child Protection.
From that observation I derived if someone starts out with vengefulness as an ingredient to their love stew the digested part is passed to the children. That would happen in any relationship though and IRD is no different. I think it’s the little nasty things that are done in the name of love that marks vengefulness and any other love based quirk. It’s not specific to IRD. Who knows what really provokes these type of responses from people. Very little of it has truly to do with race (at the heart of the matter I am saying), that’s just the card played to win whatever had they are playing.
BUT! On the positive side, I’ve also seen people who just adore each other without the racial “politics” that must be contrived when dealing with an underlying cause like revenge-upon-the-masses-of-your-culture, lol! I am more grateful than ever to have been raised where I don’t have to feel the sting of that fire. For the luck of the draw I’ve received compliments for relationships/date cycles rather it’s been interracial or not. I’m gonna stick with that.
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Edit: “Very little of it has truly to do with race (at the heart of the matter I am saying), that’s just the card played to win whatever hand they are playing.”
Please overlook the other typos as I don’t have the time to proofread as thoroughly during the week. Thanks. I truly enjoy this site and very much enjoy reading the different perspectives.
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Interracial Dating can certainly be vengeance,to be
honest with you I think there’s as much vengeance in
interracial dating,(keyword DATING,not relationship)
as anythingelse.Oh and thanks for the book triccinicci!!.
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@ free33:
^5 to ya. I like the way you said what ya said.
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Hello, am new to this site and blogging as well but I couldn’t help but contribute to this discussion because I think it is really interesting. I think that some people who date outside of their race do so as a “preference based on experience” rather than vengence. I am a young black African female who dated a lot of black guys with disastrous results.
Anyway, ater all of these bad experiences, I met and dated a white guy for seven years, the longest and happiest relationship of my entire life. Nowadays, I shy away from relationships with black men because for some reason we just do not get along!
Now don’t get me wrong, this is not to say that all black men are like that,(just the ones I dated) infact I happen to know a lot of wonderful BM who have high moral values and treat women with interity and respect, unfortunately, they are all taken!!
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