Black Woman Expresses Her Feelings of Guilt for NOT Dating Black Men
Recently, a black woman, Alexis Dent wrote about her inner struggles regarding her dating choices in an article on the Washington Post. Dent only dates interracially; she has NEVER dated a black man.
Much as this normally doesn’t bother her, Dent admits:
"...sometimes, like when I encounter a well-dressed family man with a mutual love for certain breakfast cereals, I wonder if I am failing my people... Nevertheless, I still feel that, by not dating black men, I’m neglecting the shared history, solidarity and future prosperity of my fellow people."
When in college, she was told by her fellow black girls that white men will never love her like black men would. They criticized her for her dressing, her taste in music and told her she wanted to be white.
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Dent chose not to believe in the crap that men of other races aren’t attracted to black women and chose to follow her heart. She also chose to love ‘white music’ (as her friends insinuated); all the while embracing her black skin.
Dent was brought up in a community where she was surrounded by white folks. She says: "If I waited for a black guy who liked me to apparate out of thin air, I would have waited a decade."
Dent has never looked at love as black and white. She has always focused on finding a great man because no one is perfect. And because of believing that she is beautiful enough to attract any man despite his race, she has dated a number of men from other races. None of them was the right fit her though (she was dumped by a Honduran man for her best friend), until she met this blue-eyed engineer; kind and great spirited.
She is now in a very happy and fulfilling relationship with this white man. However, she still feels the guilt despite her happiness saying:
"I am an ally to my people, but I have not connected with them in the deepest way possible — romantic love. How can I support the advancement of black people if I have never let down my walls for a black man myself?
It’s not that I am not happy in my current relationship. I am. Rather, I am torn between the progressiveness I naturally pursue and the regressive nature of a society that still makes me feel “less black” for dating a white man."
Christelyn Karazin of Beyond Black & White says that the guilt comes from feeling that one is giving up on black love (especially those who have had bad experiences). It also comes from being led to believe in the superiority of black love within the black community.
Karazin also wonders why black women seem to be the ones who carry the most guilt when they date interracially.
Dent concludes her post with: "I am not dating a black man, and I feel less guilty about it each day. Sometimes the smallest of encounters remind me that love should not be bound by rules, and definitely not by race."
That said, do your choices to date or not to date interracially make you feel guilty of abandoning your own or feel racially biased respectively?
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