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Interracial dating stories #2

Posted by Ria, 06 Jan

Part #2 everyone ;)

The history of slavery and segregation can affect -- and in some cases dictate -- attitudes on interracial dating, particularly for blacks and whites.

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As late as 1967, some states had anti-miscegenation laws preventing interracial marriages. That year, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled such laws unconstitutional.

Since then, the number of racially mixed marriages has gone up dramatically among Latinos, Asians and whites -- numbering more than 2 percent of the U.S. population, according to ``Interracial'' magazine. Even so, black- white unions remain much less common.

"It seems like interracial relationships between Latinos and whites are OK, but not with blacks and whites,'' said 16-year-old Jessica Navarro, a 10th-grader at Oakland Technical High School, which is predominantly black. ``One girl got called an Oreo for dating a white guy.''

Bateen Browning said he could never date a white woman because his mother would "disown me'', but the 20-year-old, black rap artist said he could date a woman of Asian descent. "I could date a Filipina because my grandmother is Filipina'', Browning said as he strolled through Richmond's Hilltop shopping mall with a friend.

The reason that blacks and whites remain the most controversial of the mixed matches is that America's history of slavery, segregation and bans on interracial marriages has made it difficult for many to forgive and forget, said San Rafael marriage counselor Joel Crohn.

"The trajectory of the browning of America is different for blacks,'' said Crohn, author of 'Mixed Marriages'. "They were forced over here by slavery, most stigmatized by society. It's really black-and-white relationships that are most difficult and most complicated.''

However, pressure from families, peers and society are not the only reasons things fall apart. Sometimes the couples simply can't handle the strains that interracial relationships must endure.

Yaa Asantewa 'Taunya'' Vonfeldt, an African American who grew up in the predominantly white town of Santa Rosa, broke through the black-white barrier six years ago when she fell in love with a white man and had a child with him.

At the time, Vonfeldt, 25 and a junior at San Francisco State University, thought love could conquer all. But after their son arrived, race began to divide the couple.

"My ex-boyfriend never really had to deal with (racial) discrimination until we had our son,'' Vonfeldt said. "He couldn't believe that people would say bad things.'' Things got worse, she said, when her blue-eyed, curly haired son, Avery, started identifying himself only as African American. "I tried to explain to my ex it's because he was never around,'' she said. The two have since broken up.

That experience is among the reasons Vonfeldt has become somewhat politically militant in her view that blacks should not date outside their own people.

"I have too much respect for African men now,'' she said. "Before, race was never an issue. Now I see the deterioration of the African community. For our community to be strong and proud, we need to stick together.''

Interracial couples often find that their own families can present some of the biggest obstacles to their relationships. Chuck Warren, a soft-spoken African American student at San Francisco State University, has been dating Mary, who is Korean American, for nearly two years.

Although Chuck's family in the working-class town of Vallejo has no qualms about the relationship, Mary said it is hard for her parents to see beyond the media-fueled stereotypes of blacks as drug dealers, thieves or gang members. "I'm pretty open about it,'' said the 22-year-old Mary. "But I have a lot of problems with my parents. They don't really deal with it well.''

Tune in for the last part tomorrow, and please.. Don't try to drive after you start asking if its the room spinning:P

~Ria

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  1.   RayneDelay says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 07

    In response to wellhowdy, I guess we just have to have some prejudices. Even if we do date interracially, it does not mean that we do not harbor racism or religious intolerance.

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  2.   wellhowdy says:
    Posted: 08 Feb 07

    Racism is present and will always be present, but I am observing that that each years brings many more cases of interracial dating especially black and white couples. But, as the number of interracial couples increase I have noticed that their has been an increase in religious prejudice.

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  3.   vic says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 07

    Racism will always be around. We have to choose what part we are going to play in it. If you dont take a stand for something, you'll fall for anything. Make up your own minds, and dont let the way you were raised or how your family feels influence you.

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  4.   vic says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 07

    You're right when you say most of the time your family can be the worst. My mom threaten to kick me out of the house when I was a teenager dating white boys. My girlfriends mom threaten to disown her because she was dating a white man. My mom tolerates it now, because my brother married a white woman and she loves her grand kids.But, if she had her way, it would have never happened. She has stated that if they break-up in the future for any reason, she wishes he would marry in his own race this time. Look, people have the right to fall in love with whoever makes them happy, and I don't think you should be looking at the color of someones skin when you make that decision. You should judge a person by the way the treat you, not what they look like.

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  5.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 07

    Sad tales indeed. Aren't we supposed to be free in this country to make our own choices? Not gonna let society tell me who to date.

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  6.   sweetnes20 says:
    Posted: 04 Feb 07

    racism will always be apart of our lives no matter what.

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  7.   BrwnBeauty says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 07

    Must agree with Fala here...too many leave what really lies beneath, unspoken...as if, not saying a word about it makes it not exist...because so many prefer not to speak about racism...real and imagined...it gives the 'elephant' bigger tusks than it deserves.

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  8.   sweetnes20 says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 07

    come on people were in the 2000's!!!!

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  9.   fala says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 07

    It's a shame people are still struggling with these issues this late in the game. We really need to have an open and honest discussion about race in the US - and stop treating it like the elephant in the living room.

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  10.   nickyval says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 07

    It gets better everyday. Its all I can say. Ria, am glad you acknowlege the fact that it keeps getting better every year. More marriages and relationships. In fact this site is an indication of how much better it keeps getting. You meet so many new faces registering every day in search of that interracial love. History of slavery has played a big role in all this but people get over such things. It was our ancestors who were at war with each other. So why drag ourselves into wars which were fought probably centuries ago? It aint realistic at all. And for those of us still dragging our feet holding on to some ghosts from the past??? GET A LIFE!!! LET IT GO!!!

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  11.   keeweeblck says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 07

    I wouldnt miss part three for the world. I agree with you especially the part about slavery and colonialism having brought this kind of segregation. We see this clearly in South Africa, having been a country that has been under colonial rule longer in Africa. A friend of mine once said she would never date a white man because they look down upon Africans and always see us as lesser beings. She further tied her arguement to colonialism. Well that is her opinion. Just like money can bring issues in a couple's relationship, so can a difference in race coz the pressure that once encounters from the community can make one think twice. But the question to ask is should we always let society run our lives? Arent we entitled to some privacy and choices of our own. As much as we human beings like to fit in, it aint worth risking your chance of happiness. Will the society be there for you when you have screwed your love life? Guess not

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