Do White women approach Black men better than Black women do? One thing that most people believe is that white women are more aggressive when it comes to letting a man know they’re interested. How is this so?
Apparently, white women have perfected the art of making the first move. Remember Big Mamas and how they taught younger generations of Black women that it’s unladylike to go after a man? Correct me if I am wrong… White women don’t have Big Mamas so they are like baracudas when it some to getting their man. The thing with white women is that when they think they like some guy, no time is wasted. She will be all up in his face, to get his attention.
Well, I find it to be a major turn on when a woman leaves the guesswork out of who likes who. On the other hand when a Black woman likes a dude, she telepathically sends him a message (you know how we men are pathetic with reading-between-the-lines kind of messages… we almost never get them).
Most Black men I have had the chance to talk to say that when they talk to a White woman, in the first five minutes, they can tell that she’s looking for a man and if she’s interested in him. But when a brother talks to a Black woman, in the first five minutes he discovers that she’s looking for a certain kind of man. Get the difference?
I must admit that we all have standards we have to live up to. Much as there are white women that have a rep of scouting out talented black athletes, there are some White women who give a Black man a chance that Black women wouldn’t give a second look. How many times have you seen an interracial couple walking hand in hand and you said. “She can have him”?
Most of my Black female friends don’t like the sight of a good looking brother at a club with a White woman. So why this obsession with the outwards as opposed to the inside? Its important when at a social gathering, to have a good time and take the initiative to meet two new people before they go home. Black guys do it. White girls definitely do it.
Much as Big mama said it aint right, that shouldn’t hold us back from being polite to someone new, even when we’re not interested. You never know, that person could later introduce you to someone who may introduce you to another someone. And just coz you have made the first move doesn’t make you a slut. It shows confidence and how you got your sh** together.
I think one thing we all have to realize is that love is out there. Stop looking for it in the wrong places. Stop looking for the picture perfect dude. White women are not out to swipe the whole entire community of Black men. Maybe they are just looking for love in all the right places. Enough with the judging. Don’t let love pass you right under your nose. Who knows, I could be your Mr. Right. 
[tags]white women,black men,black women[/tags]
My name is Jaime which means James in Spanish and I am truly embarrassed that this guy even has my name after all the stupid divisive threads he has posted.
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Comment by Salsassin on 4 March 2010:
It does seem these blogs have atheme of compatition more than a theme of unity. What is up with all the damn stereotyping on this messageboard. Did Black man do this better, Did White man do this better, Did Asian woman do that better, Who kisses the bast Black American woman or Samoan woman. Damn.
Seriously, the more I read the blogs posted by the makers of this board, the more I realize they are obsessed with stereotypes rather than individuals.
Real people date individuals. If you find a person that is great and they happen to be of another ethnic group, go for it. End of story. This isn’t the ethnic Olympics of dating. Damn.
TYRANT replies: I hear that Tiger Woods got picked by black people in the racial draft. LOL
Seriously, when I read the blogs-and I do READ THEM-I find that most of them start off on topic, but SOONER than LATER turn into a referendum on black men, and WHAT WE’RE DOING, NOT DOING, and HOW WELL WE DO IT. As a black man I’m so SICK and TIRED of being judged as the REPRESENTATIVE of the ENTIRE black male COLLECTIVE. If I had to name one thing I’m JEALOUS about when it comes to white male/black woman relationships it would be that white men get the LUXURY of being JUDGED as INDIVIDUALS by black women.
The thing that ANGERS me the most is when Dr. Martin Luther King said “Judge me not by the color of my skin, but by the content of my character” it’s like EVERYBODY got the memo except black men and women. When we view each other it’s usually through stereotypes and sweeping generalizations; we rarely see each other as INDIVIDUALS, and that’s SAD and PATHETIC.
Dating, whether MONORACIAL or INTERRACIAL is suppose to be about HAVING FUN while EXPLORING each other’s DIFFERENCES, not COMPARING who’s BETTER or WORSE at WHATEVER. The typical poster children for IR dating/marriage are either black men who have ISSUES with black women or black women who have ISSUES with black men. I’ve yet to read a thread about IR relationships where the black women and men haven’t BASHED each other for one reason or another.
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i think i main reason for this is because white women know they can get a black man as easy as that. they know black men(not all but quite alot) would like a white woman..
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I love black men. In college I dated white guys in my sorority and they were not as nice and able to love my body as much, so here I am. I like your blog. Insightful.
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Iam european ..and met my militray black husband 27 years ago in germany..and trust me i was not 400 pounds or stank ..i was stunning and still am ..and we have known each other 27 years and married 25…one son ..and he is well adjusted and in college ..and no i was not thought to make the first move ..i was thought by the woman in my family that man should make the first move ..there are a lot of silly racsists in here!!!
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I feel like jealousy and hatred pretty much dominate this board, so I have some comments about this topic.
It’s not about money or social connections, it about LOVE y’all! I date both black and white men, but I happen to like black men better. … And get this… its for the RIGHT reasons! Maybe this is racial stereotyping, but black men have a very masculine edge. I like that. You don’t come across to many white men that are intimidating and rough, yet still clean, classy, and attractive. Black men usually make me feel more femenine and beautiful that white men, though I can’t quite put my finger on why…
There is more! Black girls, who cares if some of us white girls date black men? There are plenty of men (both black and white)to go around. I think we have an equal chance of snagging the good guys, so stop hatin’ on us white girls! I believe that everybody has a soul mate, so just be yourself, and you and that special someone will eventually find eachother. Someone out in this big world is looking for exactly the king of person you are, and my guess is, you are looking for his type as well.
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i honestly do question whether blk guys like blk girls. so i don’t approach them. i don’t know why i think like this. i think that about probably 89% of the guys my age (even tho stats show otherwise). it is wrong of me. i am trying to change.
also i think that he thinks negative stereotypes of me because i’m a bw (ghetto, bad attitude, baby daddy, gold digger, weave etc). even tho i don’t fit the stereotypes. i know that white and asian men may also think of negative stereotypes when they see me, but i think it hurts worst when someone in your group does it.
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It can hurt worse and I think I alot of “them” know it….which is why they do it and call it “tough love”…..pfft.
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@ White Girl
You said “…There is more! Black girls, who cares if some of us white girls date black men? There are plenty of men (both black and white)to go around. I think we have an equal chance of snagging the good guys, so stop hatin’ on us white girls! I believe that everybody has a soul mate, so just be yourself, and you and that special someone will eventually find eachother. Someone out in this big world is looking for exactly the king of person you are, and my guess is, you are looking for his type as well…”
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I like what you had to say it is fair and makes a lot of sense.
My comments regarding the topic….the article has some interesting points that I cannot argue with. But there is also another side besides the Big Mama theory. I am a black woman and know that there is some validity to the Big Mama theory. The otherside to the coin is that this society has worked hard to show he world that white women are beautiful and more preferred than black women. Even beautiful black models will tell you that finding work in hollywood is difficult even for them. Many of the jobs simply don’t want a black woman. Even though they do find work and do become very rich, they struggle with the commercial ideas that is sold in our society. This is not the white womans fault. I believe that because of this she may have a little more confidence. Since her role models are often times women like Marylin Monroe and women who exude extreme sexual beauty some (I did say some) try to emulate that same persona and have learned that it works.
I believe that it is easier for a white woman to exude that personalty with a black man and that because many black men are just extremely flattered that a white woman approached them that it makes the white woman feel even more beautiful. I don’t think that white men are as flattered by it though as the black men. I am not criticising that either. Like white girl said, she found black men to be more manly and exciting to her in his chemistry and she didn’t find white men to be as compelling.
I think that the article is true in some repects, but I feel that there are a lot more complicated issues that cause the truth about how white women approach men. Society has given white women the green light on her sexuality. Big Mamas are also teaching black women the same thing that the media is teaching. Maybe not directly but this is the influence behind it. I thinm that Big Mama should stop being a hypocrite (with her eleven kids) and let black women believe they are beautiful and desirable so that they can begin to exude confidence like the white women have developed.
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I’m a black man. The reason I seldom date black women was simply a numbers game for me. Most of the circles I have been in (academic and work) had very few black people. Most of the black people I know is because of relationships formed in childhood. I can throw a stone outside my window and hit 4 or 5 fine white women. I would have to really go out of my way to find a black woman who is AVAILABLE and who doesn’t insult me by trying to say I’m ‘acting white’ for just being me. But I didn’t grow up or live in cities with large black populations either.
I would love to meet the right black woman but I’m happy with a white woman who has the right heart also.
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@friendly13,
You wrote: “I believe that it is easier for a white woman to exude that personalty with a black man and that because many black men are just extremely flattered that a white woman approached them that it makes the white woman feel even more beautiful.”
White women seldom approach me. 9 times out of 10 I have to approach them (or any other woman).
My theory is that a lot of black women have unresolved issues with their fathers or how their father treated their mother and they take this out on black men…. like they start out assuming that the guy will be just like her dad. They have an antagonistic attitude from the first second you meet them even if they are interested in you. While a white woman will either just not give you the time of day at all or she’ll be friendly. After a guy runs into this a few times he might assume all black women are that way so it’s a cycle that is bad for both sexes. of course I’m not the best person to be putting out theories since I can count the number of black women I have been with on 1 hand. Maybe half were very sweet and friendly and the other half were not. But like I said.. I can throw a rock out the window and hit way more white women than black women (where I live).
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@Jamie,
I know you’re just a troll but still it’s sad that the only sense of pride you have in your life comes from the color of your skin. I guess I would be upset and feel inadequate too if my greatest life achievement was simply being born. I might have to lash out and hate on others to make myself feel better too then.
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Sadly, my experience that the cultural norm still is for woman, whatever their melanin count, tend to wait to be approached. I have found this to be true regardless of whether they have had a “Big Mama” or not. While the signals that they are approachable are similar, generally speaking it is up to the man to make the move.
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am just curious, why is A caucasian women a self racist of her past ancestry?
Is it because the Caucasian woman as a whole recognizes the level of hatred against black men by manipulated black women?… So she stands by her new King as he let’s the world know that black men are tired of the foolishness & tricks? When we are critical of people we should listen to what they are saying.White women within this panel of discussion are simply speaking their mind & for that matter the truth a truth that is self evident by which SOME not all black women chose to ignore & be oblivious have been manipulated by certain species to go against their soul mate they are lost….its a different savage land × now. You cant fight hate with love.The black man is tired & is not simply looking for joy & happiness…by any means necessary
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I dont see a difference at all. They all want men to chase them. The prettier the thicker the brick wall. When I get to the brick wall I’d rather be somewhere else than deal with that attitude.
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It appears that alot of black women are looking for something from a black man while white women are looking for something inside him.
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Both white and black women are playing games with everyone just like black men and white men are so everyone’s playing games and trying to stack the deck to make them look as positive as possible. And when they find the truth out, divorce and/or single parents. The kids are the true victims of all these games and the example set for them isn’t a good one. So I think white women and Black women are equal in all capacities. If women offer sex, then it doesn’t matter what color you are because horny guys are colorblind.
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I don’t believe it’s cultural or color orchestrated. An individual may have a more outgoing personality than another and that’s not assigned to any one race, creed or color.
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No I think black women approach men better than white women do. It is just false stereotypes about black women that cause this misconception and it saddens me that it exists.
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I don’t think it’s an inherent trait in any race or culture.
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I think the African American culture helps black women better approach men better than white women do. Years of suffering for African American females have forced them to become the strong, independent, noble individuals that they generally are and has given them the confidence to approach men more honestly and boldly than white women. White women don’t know that kind of oppression.
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Those who have strong personalities, or perhaps are more outgoing, will likely be comfortable in approaching someone. No race or culture has an inherent advantage.
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