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Are Black women more likely to be single?

Posted by James, 15 Jul

black women singleStatistics show that compared with white women, black women are twice as likely to be single.

Have you met this woman? She has a good job, works hard, earns a good salary. She went to college, got her master’s degree; she is intelligent. She is personable, articulate, well read, interested in everybody and everything. Yet, she’s single… Black folks look up to her, and white folks know she is a force to be reckoned with. Yet … the men leave her alone… They [black women] have so much; what is it they lack Why is it they may be able to hook a man but can’t hold him?

- A public school administrator with the District of Columbia expresses the frustration and disappointment shared by many black women in the book: What's Love Got to Do With It?: Understanding and Healing the Rift Between Black Men and Women.

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National stats show that 42% of black women have never been married, compared to 21% of white women. Yes, it’s twice as much. But does this mean Black women are doomed to be single?

People have thrown around so many reasons in a bid to explain the above stats. The most sighted are: lack of good single black men; the black woman is too independent to need a man to take care of her; undercover gay black men; the list is endless… But does this really explain the above statistics? The above reasons only explain why black women don’t get married to black men.

While reflecting, this public administrator decides not to ask the question ‘What’s wrong with Black men’, but ‘What’s wrong with her and other black women’. She discovered that “the skills that make one successful in the church, community or workplace are not the skills that make one successful in a relationship… sometimes an achieving woman will place her boyfriend so low on her list of priorities that his interest wanes… she’s seldom “there” for him, for the preliminaries that might develop a commitment to a woman.” This administrator places the black women’s dating challenges on black women themselves.

In trying to explain why most black women are single, in our reasoning, we tend to forget all about interracial marriage. For once, let’s think outside the box. Do you believe black women are the least likely group to get married in the U.S.? Do you think the administrator is right – blaming the black woman for her being single?

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261 responses to "Are Black women more likely to be single?"

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  1.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 09

    Oh, one more thing... If half of us were as great as we would like to believe, why are there so many of us not in quality relationships?....hmmm, just a thought.

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  2.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 09

    Ichibod, I agree. It's all too easy to blame someone or something for the bad that happens in our lives. It's time to be accountable for self. Once you can fix what's broken with yourself, there won't be a need to blame other or situations. It's time to look within instead of without. Believe me, looking at yourself and saying "I'm jacked up in some ways", is a bitter pill to swallow but is necessary for personal growth.

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  3.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 09

    Trovert, Nice of you to stay on topic. Good words, my man! To my beloved sister Godiva, Nice to see you again! It's a shame to see someone denounce people for throwing stereotypes for one group, and then they themselves throw them for another all in the same breath. That makes them no better than the ones they are denouncing. As I mentioned before, we are men and women. All of us are human. If we could only focus on that, we would see a less strife amongst us. Judgement is also a very bad thing to do with one another, becuase we are so quick to do it to others, and so slow to do it to ourselves. However, we are overdrive when judging ourselves in a higher regard than others. That's why I could never say that a particular race of men or women are such great 'this' and more 'that' than other races because I would be implicating those that are not. Ofcourse, if I did, you wouldn't hear anyone in said group complain. Why? Because of pride and selfishness. The slackers can easily get away with someone else's recognition. It's like someone cheating off of your paper in school. They pass, not because they did the work, but on your credit. So, when a group receives negative criticsm, the ones in that group who aren't negative are implicated as well. When we speak of judging, we only tend to associate with talking down to someone. It applies to speaking good of someone also. Even Jesus asked a man, "Why callest thou me good?", after he refered to Him as Good Master. That's why judgement is unfair. We as humans lack the ability to properly judge one another because we are all the same and have too difficult of a time judging ourselves. None of us are perfect. About 2000 years ago, we were all offered a chance to be saved from having to always feel like a victim. Let's show some accountability for our words and actions.

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  4.   jai44 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Today again i am reading the comments others and thought on the subject. it seems to me that some of youguys are dancing around the issue. I have lived all over the world and never have seen the devision that i see her in the states. The disrepect shown to black women by black men is appalling I don't want to be sitting in a car listening to a cd calling women bitches and hoes.Show some kind of respect. What is the next generaions being taught. I don't want to put anyone on blast but you really need tothink about what you are saying. Red, yellow, black, green or white we shouldn't see color see the person. unfortunately when i see the man in front of me his pants are sagging boxers showing acting like a teenagers that isn't cute. And again trying to run game. These dayyou have to wonder if the man is the man he says he is or just on the down low. To all the women keep your stndards and don't lower them for anybody. Because in the end you'll end up not liking yourself. For the black men check yourself before you decide to put a strong black women down. Stop making excuses for for flaws. Your woman will have your back but you must have a backbone first.

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  5.   Trovert says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Principally, when you blame someone else for the conditions of your life, you are not one to see yourself for who you really are. Responsible. All this mudslinging between male and female is indicative of the emotional wounds people carry and then wonder why nobody want to touch them. When you are poised to disallow intimacy because of a negative past experience or jaded outlook, the results are your responsibility. God is the same God for you and He is for me. He withholds no good thing. So the worn-out "I can't find a good man or woman" thing is a symptom of a myopic perspective and someone who has allowed the past to shape the future. Shame on you. Expect good things and good things will come to you. Like my momma (a 63 year old black women) says all the time, "You attract what you are." Think on that. cj

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  6.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    To: julius26, Julius, I am going to speak to you from my heart which for me is the only way to speak, it get's me in trouble most of the time, depending on who I'm talking to, if you know what I mean. I'm not, nor have I ever been a woman who is much for conversation, I'd rather just listen so if and when I do speak to a person it is because there s a stirring in my soul to speak directly to them. One of the thing's I pray for daily is GOD'S guidance in everythhing that I do, my footsteps, my motives and especially for the word's that come out of my mouth, so my speaking to you is not of any ill will or judgment of you and I hope that you will understand this and accept it for what it is... We have all been tarnished, judged, victimized and stereotyped, that's the history of our people. It's not just the men, it's not just the women. You mentioned that the quality of character or the lack of is in both black men and black women. This is true, very true. However, this same sentiment can be said for both genders in EVERY culture of people, not just black women and men. Why do we need to keep verbalizing such comments as if they are just pertaining ONLY to blacks? You also mentioned once before on a different topic that "some black women are hypocrites". Is it a lie? Absolutely not, but here's another sentiment that EVERY culture and both genders is capable of being, a hypocrite. Do you think that maybe a small part of the problem is that we have a tendency to talk AT people, instead of talking TO them? I'm not placing this at your doorstep only, because TOO many are guilty of this type of behavior.. Maybe we ALL should be very mindful about what we say to each other and what we say about each other. I'm one of these fools who still believe in the "common courtesy rule" and "the treat people in the manner that you want to be treated". I hear you and feel your anger, resentment, and frustration when you are being "lumped" into the negative category because of a FEW knuckleheads. Unfortunately this happens on BOTH sides of the fence. The first time that I heard a black man, on this site say "that black women are awful", and he captialized AWFUL so we could get the point, it made my soul cringe and before I knew it, there were tears in my eyes. I wasn't so hurt because of myself, but for all the black women that I know and love and especially the black women such as my grandmother. Ich and I have spoke about this before. I wish I had the knowledge, the power and the answer's to change it but I can't and I know that it will continue to happen. What I can do and will do until the day they throw dirt in my face, is to be committed to being TOTALLY OPPOSITE of these such people!!!!!!!!!! I think that sometimes we spend way TOO much time on the negative of life and the people who wallow in negative and destructive behavior. I'll listen if someone want's or needs to vent, we all been there. Venting is one thing, the constant complaining is draining. My motto is DON'T WHINE, DON'T COMPLAIN AND DON'T MAKE EXCUSES!!! I don't know what you want for your life but I'm assuming that you want the very best that life has to offer, and you deserve it but if you focus too much on the thing's you can't change, you might be missing the opportuinty of a lifetime. Keep your heart, your thought's and word's on the good things in life. I believe if we constantly speak of the negative in our lives, we will get just that. I don't know if you are a praying man but when you ask Him , you know HE will give you one of three answers, HE will either answer YES, NO or NOT NOW.. love godiva

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  7.   julius26 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Thanks for the kind words ich, i was only trying to point out that just like some black man are not quality not all black woman are quality. We hear you sisters when you talkabout the poor quality black men out there; and i have certainly taken onboard your complaints and openly talk to my black brothers about them. But why are you not prepared to listen when black men complain about the poor quality black woman out there. The black men you lose because of your intransigent are the very one you should be trying to keep. Its seems all to easy to tarnish all black men with the same brush, yes there are black men who fit the stereotype as being lazy, uneducated, unambitious, but there are many who are not.When your a black man in this world you just cant win.I would never slag off about black woman to a white woman, but its seems that some black woman do that about us to white men, so white men get a distorted view about us. As i have stateted before quality is in the person not in the colour so remember one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch.

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  8.   georgeW1000 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Whats up, I’m new to this site. Not that black women need to be defended or anything, I have to agree with points made in Blazzin88’s post. To Urbane39, thank you for speaking so candidly and honestly. If black women are “picky” it’s because they have that right. No one should settle when it comes to marriage or finding a mate. Here’s a point to ponder. Could it be that white women have a higher propensity for marriage because they accept any and every form of a man and black women don’t? From a white male perspective, white women want to be taken care of and are less vocal to ANY race of men, they are a very “UN-selective” creature. The comparison of Black Women to White Women, is just plain tiresome. White women are like a carton of eggs to me, they come a dime a dozen (have no clue what they want) but the rarity of black women in the US..is exactly that… a rarity. What I like about black women: strong sense of “self”, hard working, thick-skinned, sexy & driven, various shades, exude confidence from every angle, knows EXACTLY what they want, aren’t like white girls looking for a professional athlete to marry so they never have to work again). And YES, I said it. White men are very much aware of the mindsets of SOME white women who choose to date interracially. It’s sad that black men have sometimes referred to black women as gold digging when BW seeks out educated/successful black men. Here's a tip. White girls/women may come off as being ditzy and dumb, but will stop at nothing to pick through all the other men to find 1 with MONEY!!! As far as the subject of this Blog goes, most of my black female friends ARE married, mostly interracially. Everyone has a preference, I just hope that black women look beyond black guys for mates and open up their possibilities. Black men are Insane, black women are by far the best species of women on this planet (hands down). But what do I know; I’m just a white guy that needs to stay out of black/race business, right Julius26! (Laughing) Thanks for listening Folks!! georgeW1000

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  9.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    IN THE ROOM AT THE MOMENT. Many people then start mentioning stuff said on other sites, on TV, on the job, or in other topics then release their frustration on people who have no idea what you're talking about. If they do know what you're talking about, they wonder why you're telling it to them. That's why when I see an argument going a certain direction, I see read what it's about and suggest the blog article that more closely fits their argument. As I've mentioned before, "Black Men, Black Women, Best Frenemies" has the least amount of comments of any article where black women are exchanging words with black men, yet the title suggest where that should go on if any place at all. Now, what sense does that make? Like I said Julius, I agree with you. And we do have freedom of speech. Klansman are allowed to recruit new members in public. Rappers can degrade women, themselves, and the rest of humanity for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Doesn't men we should always speak. A man actually choosing sides in a problem which he has no background on or the ability to fix? He can say what he wants, but it's pointless and actually adds to the problem. And by the way, of the 7 comments from black men on this article, there were also many clarifications made regarding any misunderstandings from them. Some people just live for drama so they just make it up as they go along. Please, let's just take our time understanding each other.

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  10.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    I give up, I counted only 7 men posting comments on this article (including myself), and none of their comments bash black women. One man spoke on some experiences, had the decency to specifically note that this was NOT all black women that he dated or all black women, and that it shouldn't matter what race a woman is all in the same comment, and he still go slammed. It's like when people see words they don't like, they just stop reading. More women have negative things to say about black men (men in general) and nothing happens. They'll even praise attributes about another race of men when those atrributes can be applied to any race of men and they don't see how this is derogatory. This is very sad. I'm still looking for the comment from a black man explaining why black women are single. FatherTime shared a little history lesson that many women's comments allude to all the time. The only other person on this blog that offered a reason for why women are single was a women. Again, no photo with that one. Just a reminder, if a comment doesn't have a picture, they generally aren't members of this site and have nothing invested in the success of any of our prospective relationships. Also, If we can stick with the topic. The main problem is that we fail to respect all those who are

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  11.   Storm says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Sorry you-all. I've been away a couple of days. Yall have been pretty busy on here since my last comment, haven't you? Since I joined this site to find a woman, and not debate, I'm gonna keep this short. Ichibod....thank you. I appreciate your wisdom. BigEyes, thank you too, don't be down on yourself............ you're beautiful. MsZ, Thank you as well............. I don't have a deep profound comment for you, but I wish you all the happiness in the world. I gotta get back to the search because this isn't ever gonna end.... Peace everybody, Storm

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  12.   Member says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    blazzin88 i wish more guys would say or be like what you are, i like what you said!!!

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  13.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    THANK YOU MsZ17!!! WELL STATED..Very eloquently put and I mirror your post view.

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  14.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Last post for Shotgun007 on this Blog Topic, You may need to go back and read the previous posts if you don't see where Black Women on this blog haven't been insulted and stereotyped Ichibod. Every man has had an experience whether bad or good with a certain woman. So why be so focused on pointing out all of the negative traits/patterns that black women possess or exemplify and then equate those traits to the reasoning behind black women’s small probability of marriage. This is part of the rationale I would think, is behind Blazzin's post. Blazzin88 is right on Target. Black men could care less who black women are dating, so I’m baffled as to why there is opposition against his initial remarks. Call it "not" bad-mouthing, insulting, and implying negative intra-racial stereotypes or that's not what some of the previous post'ers meant but the inuendo & undertone is all there. He made reference to his previous experience with past girlfriends that just so happened to be white, but he also stated that he didn’t bash them when he found out what they were about. Black Men use bad experiences to justify why black women are single. Gimme a break. Black women NEED and I can NOT express this strongly enough to check out other races of men. There are far too many fish in the sea to dwell on one race of men. Black Women that may read this post, CONTINUE to seek out other races of men, as stated previously YOUR blessing and compatibility may not come in the form of an African American/black man. I’m with Blazzin, this is my last post on this subject & won't be visiting this blog again. Case Closed. Shotgun007

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  15.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Wow, so the beat goes one! Still sluggin' it out, uh? I agree that Blazin88 can say whatever he wants on here. Nobody tells Mr. Laurleton Queens what he can or cannot say. He insults black women, calling them names (have you heard: nappy-headed, ashy, broke down, etc.?) and some of the black men say he's "passionate in his views"! WTF is that? I keep saying that having a view is one thing but all this HATE and obnoxiousness should be left off these boards! I am telling you that it says a helluva lot more about YOU than about the black women you're slamming! Anyone carrying around that much hate and ignorance cannot be anyone a decent person of any color would want to be with. People shouldn't come on here looking for others to reinforce their hatefull opinions. It's an interracial dating site and if you don't believe in interracial dating for EVERYONE on here, why are you on here? That's why I believe some of these topics are intentionally inflammatory, esp. when it comes to black women. If some of the black men on here don't EVER care to date another black woman, that's their personal choice. But, don't be angry as soon as some man of another race doesn't share your hate and disdain for black women. This is why I keep telling black women to open their minds up to other possibilities! Who cares why someone wants to date interracially? I do it because I want to and I can. Why does anyone need a reason? We're all adults on here. Blazin88, keep the faith and express your opinion anytime you damned well please on here! Your opinions are "passionate" and positive towards black women!

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  16.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Julius, help me out here. I'm trying to find a comment where a black man bad-mouthed a black women on here. I see a lot where black women have bad mouthed black men regarding past experiences and such. I do understand where you're coming from. I was thinking the same thing this afternoon when I read that post. I just didn't want to say anything. We have no lesser love for black women than any other race of women, by no means. However, we end up taking the heat for the ones that do. The ones that do are not on these blogs. If they were, I would have confronted them and I've said that before. To the White Man who pointed out all of the negative factors or experiences that they had with White Women, …save it for someone who wants to hear it. Every race of man has had problems with different races of women. Italian men are no exception. Someone likes to court black women with claims that white women are gold diggers or chase professional athletes or producers. Never have I ever witnessed a white male rip apart a female in his own race on this blog, until now. What ever happened to, "Why do you date interracially?" The answer should always be, "Well, why not?" Instead, a race has to be more this or less that; better this, not so much that. I don't date races. I date women. What experiences I've had with previous women stay with those women. This is what I really wish we would all do. If you have to urge someone to date outside of their race, then something is wrong. Either it's their preference or it's not. It's crazy to try to beg someone to like you or to consider liking you.

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  17.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    It is VERY refreshing to see a highly attractive white/european man (Blazzin88) defend insults/attacks on black women. I'm very glad to see that your Black Step Mom has had a profound effect on your sensitivity towards black women. And most of what you stated is EXACTLY true. Sometimes people don't like to be called out. I'm glad to see more white men engaging in interracial relationships, as I've stated in other post. More black women should relinquish some of that "Loyalty" to black men and focus more energy on white/euro/asian/latino men otherwise the possibilities will remain limited. I tell black women EVERY single chance I get to date someone other than black. And I’ve always known that disagreements from within the black community are echoed and noticed even when we think our dirty laundry isn’t being aired. I agree that other cultures are definitely and always have taken note of all the name calling and disloyalty amongst the black female/black male relationships. It appears that black men are more prone to tell all and bash more often than black women know especially when comparing us to white women. Judging by the tone of some of the posts, their preferences don't appear to be black women anyway. Blazzin88, you rock!! Shotgun007

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  18.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    I agree phatkitty.

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  19.   phatkitty says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    After reading most of the comments on here, i didnt want to respond, but julius26, you have no right to tell blazzing88 that he cannot comment on "blk race business" it is called freedom of speech. let me quote you "So you urging blk women to date outside their race will only mean blk men will date your women." Another thing, werent you the one that earlier in the post, advised one of your "brothas" to try dating outside his race. You are a hypocrite. News flash, BLK MEN HAVE BEEN DATING OUTSIDE THEIR RACE AND CULTURE FOREVER. I guess you, King Julius26, didnt like the fact that a non blk man was urging blk women to look pass yours truly. Am thinking what is good for the goose, is not good for the gander. Irie

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  20.   Blazzin88 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    To Bigeyes31, Keep encouraging your co-worker/boss to try different sites and a different type of man. I feel honored that I'm finding more and more black women are dating interracially. If I could have it my way, every black woman in America would be with an Italian/White man. I think it makes for a very sexy attractive power couple. Black women boost confidence in men (might be a secret to some) but it's true in my book. Blazzin88

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  21.   Blazzin88 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    Rheah59, you are absolutely gorgeous by the way!! Women that exemplify the beauty that YOU posess both inside and out, have no need for this website. Good Luck to you in your search for a mate, I'm sure he'll be a lucky man!! Blazzin88

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  22.   Blazzin88 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    I hit send to fast... Excuse the typos/mistakes/double post. Julius...did you forget that this is an "Interracial" Dating website pal? I refuse to keep out of the "Black Race" business as you put it. More white/European men should speak out about this topic, I just so happened to be one of the few. My intentions are not to come off overly aggressive and offensive, but watching the insults fly about black women really tend to get under my skin. There are just too many great black women that over-shadow the bad ones from my experience. And it would appear that some black men just flat out and selectively turn away from the good black women in their communities all to justify dating women of other races (such as white). You may not believe this but I am aware of the one-sided treatment that Black Men and Black America face and I AGREE WITH YOU on that particular point. I would think that as a black man, you would be encouraging black women to find happiness in a man regardless of his race. I was raised by a Black Woman (step-mom) and my dad and I have a tremendous amount of respect for what they have to offer. I don't cast blame on a specific race/class of women just because I've dated a few whack-jobs! My point again... the bashing needs to come to a screeching halt. All it does is sends a negative image of the Black Community to non-blacks. You may not believe that other races are paying attention but they are. If a black man chooses to date white/other, let it be, but putting down black women in the process is senseless and meaningless. Period. And So what if white/European women date black men. It seems to be the "In" thing to do these days. And last I checked, I don’t own a race of women and don’t care who white women date. How ridiculous is that. From MY experience, the white women have been gold diggers and chase professional athletes or producers all day every day and twice on Sunday for money and fame. But you would never hear me bash them for their preferences or better yet 1 or 2 of my past experiences. Again, Black Females should be valued more, simply put. To all the Black Women, again try interracial dating and give it a chance. My father would not be the happy man that he is today, had it not been for my Black step mom. This is my last statement on this subject and I won’t be back to read any ridiculous responses. Blazzin88

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  23.   julius26 says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    To blazzin88 Yes your right black people shouldn't wash their laundry in public, but as white man you should keep out off the black race business. If wasn't for your race ignorant the black race wouldn't have half the problems that it has today.We as black men try to explain to people that black men do get treated badly by SOME black women.Not all some, just like black women get treated badly by some black men. I myself went out with a black woman who gleefully told me she would treat a white man better than a black man.That hasn't stop me from liking my black women but her previous boyfriend said he will never date a black women again. I belive that quality is in the person not the colour and it would be a better world if everyone dated outside their race. So you urging black women to date outside their race will only mean black men will date your women. The sad fact of the matter is that some black men and women who think that their are quality are not, and having a good education or job does not mean you are a quality person

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  24.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    Rheah59, I don't see how anyone could misinterpret anything you wrote just now. That was marvelous! You look good for 50, by the way. I would never have guessed it.

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  25.   Rheah59 says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    AriesT Yes it is about finding someone that complements you as a person and I know instinctually if and when I find that person; therefore I will not settle for less. If a 47 year old man approaches me and does not have a job, a car or a place to live; he is not complimenting me. He is making me sad. If he has a negative attitude; he does not compliment me. If he does not believe in God and have some of the same values or moral premises that I have; he does not compliment me. That is what I mean by settling. Honestly; it takes more than idealism, romance and sex to create a true and lasting relationship. One of the number one statistics for broken marriages is about money. All the love in the world will not pay the rent. I am 50 not 15. I know the reality of what it takes to make a relationship work from experience past and present. I don’t have a whole heck of a lot of time left on this earth; let alone spending it in a miserable relationship with someone. I’m no longer into experimenting. What I have in a relationship going forward will be of quality or not at all. My preference in dating is to be on an equal footing. (And before anyone misinterprets this statement) I do not mean that they have to have a million dollar job etcetera. (Even I don’t have one of those) but at least; have a job. As always; I reserve my right to choose what I see fit for me. P.S. I am not racist and have dated both black and white; this applies to all. So if anyone who is reading this blog and per chance misinterpret any of what I am saying, please consider re-reading or ask. Peace & Blessings to all.

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  26.   Blazzin88 says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    Let me say this, the argument or topic itself is ridiculous. To the Black Men who like to point out all of the negative factors or experiences that they've had with Black Women, ...save it for someone who wants to hear it. Every race of man has had problems with different races of women. Black men are no exception. They like to court white women with claims that black women want "bling" or "too ghetto" or "don’t take care of themselves" or "too ambitious" or ‘want a thug” or whatever the cliché. I’ve heard it all, I’ve been around the block a few times. My answer: Stop bad-mouthing black women in general and deal with your past issues and why you chose such a bad mate in the beginning. It has nothing to do with her being black. I am part Italian, European and White, but rarely have I ever witnessed another white male rip apart another white female in his own race on Blogs. Try unity for once, even if your preference is NOT to date black women, stop bashing them and give the credit they deserve. Black Men have forgotten that black women have reared their children in the absence of a fatherless home. They don’t cherish the fact that black women work selfishly holding down 2 or maybe 3 jobs to keep the family unit in tact. They forget that while a lot of black men are in jail, they are being supported by a black female at home. To Black Women: PLEASE cross the line to the Italian, Latino, White, Hispanic, Mexican, Australian and everything else excluding Black Men, apparently some don't appreciate what the "REAL" black women have to offer. They choose to Blog up these sites and waste peoples time by insulting you, while bringing light to their negative experiences and casting shadows on all of the great black women in our country. I don't think that Black women are on the short list to ever see a happy marriage; I just think they need to look into a different pool of men!! Blazzin88

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  27.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    Black Women will continue to remain single, if we don't stop putting so many stakes into holding out for Black Men. I seriously think that this is part of the problem. We here it time and time again, how much black women say “I love the Black Man” and all this and that. The problem with some Black Women is, we put too much stake into finding a “Black” mate, when we should be exploring all other possibilities. More and more white and Latino men are dating black women. Slowly but surely we are witnessing more marriages and committed relationships. That is the positive side that I’m very excited to see. I've read several of the comments on this Blog and others and from what I'm hearing from most black men is for black women to remain accountable in our choices. So to the black females, I URGE you to START dating interracially. There is NOTHING like it. You will find common ground and happiness with something other than your race; you first have to try it and take it seriously. Thanks for reading my post. Shotgun007

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  28.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 09

    So glad to see so many upbeat, intelligent people in here having a balanced discussion......carry on...LOL. Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  29.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    LOL! LOL You're too funny!I don't compromise on faith!He's done too much for me! Peace

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  30.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    Your German friend, what was he smokin'? lol He must have read Nitzsche - you know the old, "God is dead" crap. Then God says, "Nitzsche's dead". lol You really gotta be careful. A belief in God is one of the things I won't compromise on.

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  31.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    Ms Z I agree! I dropped one guy who I was clicking with from Germany(European men are more attracted to us than American men;I'm talking scandinavian European) I mean a serious connection until he told me that God , Jesus and religion was a myth! Honey, don't you know I had to go!LOL That frightens me too! peace

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  32.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    Ms Z and Storm I would like to share what happened to me just last night. I received a flirt from a caucasian guy on this site. He met the general qualities as much as I could tell from his profile. Keep in mind that I have just "unhidden" my profile because my interest had become the blogging.We exchanged IM info and began a chat. While engaging in normal chit-chat,he asked what I was doing. I told him I was watching CNN's BLACK IN AMERICA with Soledad O'Brien. His response to me was "you sound pro black and probably shouldn't be dating interracially"! I couldn't believe it! I asked him why, because I'm interested in my own culture? Needless to say, I quickly ended the session. Is that what it means to white men if you are interested in them and still care about your culture?LOL I know this is slightly off topic but I wanted to share it because it ties in with what Ms Z said. You are still going to have to deal with a person's baggage,issues, generally funky(lol) attitude regardless of race. Black, white, puerto rican,everbody just a freakin(as said by Prince,the artist...LOL). BTW I think I might go back into hiding! LOL Peace

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  33.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    Excuse me, but I meant to say there are non-black men that wouldn't want to date me.

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  34.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    bigeyes, you are correct, also. I mean, there are non-white men that wouldn't want to date me and I sure wouldn't want to date them. Just because I'm single now doesn't mean I accept just anybody who comes along! This one white guy I met some time back really wanted to get tight with me and I just refused because this creep told me he was aethist! Now, I'm no angel but if you don't believe there's something bigger than YOU, MsZ got a problem with you! To me, those kinds of people are also scary. So, MsZ put him in the "REJECT" file and when I told him I thought we shouldn't carry this any further, guess what he said? "Who do you think YOU are? You won't find anybody BETTER than me!" I can't even tell you all the awful, hysterical, un-Chrisitian, inflammatory, disgusting things I said to him! lol Naw, until I die I'm going to pick my own company.

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  35.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    Storm I also want to say that my post was not an attack but a kind of example that there are black women who think just the opposite of what you described. I know you know this and was only giving an example of your experiences. It was my way of giving you a little reminder not to focus on "those" women. I also have to say that you are not the only one with experiences. I have been rejected by black men who did not consider me one of the "attractive" sisters that you spoke of. You see, similar to what Ms Z has experienced, my features are too "black" or my face is too wide, my nose too broad and hey the lips too full. I look too African.I'm intelligent enough to KNOW that this is not ALL BLACK MEN. I feel that I'm a beautiful and a good person. I know there are still going to be black men and other races of men who are not going to choose me because of this.I'm not attacking I'm simply saying that I have had experiences on the flip side of the coin that were designed to make me feel inadequate. I have NOT allowed it to change my love, respect, admiration for myself, black men, or other races of men. I am disappointed that someone who claims they want to be with you would turn around and try to make you feel inadequate because they have achieved something that you have not. That's pure arrogance,ignorance and essentially a character flaw. Stay Up! Peace

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  36.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    I totally agree with you there. That's why when the black folks start, they leave. It's the dreaded "there goes the neighborhood" that we have every opportunity and responsibility to stop. If you look back at the history of literature and movies in this country and how we were portrayed, they created our stigmas for their entertainment and peace of mind, and so many of us continue to blindly follow them 'til this day. Even get rich of them. Take care, ma'am!

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  37.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    Mr. Ich said: "She may not have been implying that all men are like this, but how can you really tell? We tend to speak this way and get upset when others do the same because we can only speak from our own experiences. Many snide remarks that we make in our comments are that of judging another’s experiences. That’s not good" I was NOT implying ALL black men and I said so. I really don't have to imply anything. I think I've been pretty straight forward in my posts on here. I said SOME (re-read my post carefully) because, unlike some on here, I do not believe in stereotyping an entire race/group/gender/community of people. Haven't we learned thru racism that that's a no-no? Lastly: I'll bet these whites on here REALLY feel special knowing we black people are arguing and disrespecting each other over them! Sheesh.

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  38.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 09

    Storm: Let me start by saying that I am not one of those people who get on here and intentionally disrespect others. I was attempting to make a light-hearted statement off of what you'd said. I do think you are also wrong to stereotype all attractive black women the way you did. This "black man in LA" thing is also off to me. I live in LA County and know some very successful, on the ball black men who date all kinds of women. I am not in total disagreement with some of what you said because it does apply to a "certain type of black woman". You have lived your life experiences and so have I. I have been rejected by black men because my skin was too dark and features too broad. However, I have been well treated and loved by non-black men. Do I hate all black men? No. I have some very good, platonic black male friends that we confide in each other like brother and sister. I don't date black men seriously, becasue they don't ask me out and that's the God's truth! I ain't sweatin' it and I ain't mad at them. Life goes on and so does MsZ. I didn't wake up one day and say: "That's it! I'm never going to date black men again!", like some of the black men on here have implied about black women. Each person is different and SOMETIMES, you just have to look at the personal choices you make. I will tell you something, though: No matter what color your choice of mate is, you will have to deal with them as a person! This includes all their baggage, misconceived perceptions, hang ups, let downs, addictions, the whole nine yeards! Dating or marrying someone white is not an antitdote for what ails you. I am so sorry and sad that some on here think like that! I've dated some real bummers, black AND white. lol But, that's people and most don't come trouble-free. So, I was NOT attacking you. I am a mature woman and I see nothing productive at all about that sort of behvior.

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  39.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    I totally agree with you, Storm. I know you don't go for or care about the women you described and I know you probably feel sorry for women that end up with losers. Yet many of the comments toward us don't specifically address them but seem to address us all as the latter. I believe in many of these discussions, we are not being careful enough to mention that not all women or all men are the way that we are describing. I was always taught that when you write, always read what you wrote back to yourself. Frequently, some people or here don't see how what they've written can be taken offensively to the one's that don't fit their descriptions. At times, I read some of my own comments and try to quickly post and addendum before someone else gets a chance to respond. Doesn't alwasy work that way and a senseless debate starts. That's why I try to give others who may make the same mistakes the benefit of the doubt before assuming what a person is into or insinuating what a person is about. We're not perfect people or writers/bloggers. For instance, when MSZ17 said, "talking about one’s job is usually something men like (unless they ain’t got one!)" I can easily retort with, "My job sucks, but it pays the bills. Not worth talking about, but my money is legal." OR: "But, men don’t usually tend to lower their standards as much as women do when it ocmes to this sort of thing." I would think, "Well, how low is a man's standards to date a hoodrat? Some men's new flames don't look better than the last unless they're rich because they learned their lesson on what's more important in a relationship." She may not have been implying that all men are like this, but how can you really tell? We tend to speak this way and get upset when others do the same because we can only speak from our own experiences. Many snide remarks that we make in our comments are that of judging another's experiences. That's not good. I read your comment and knew exactly where you were coming from. However, I knew what was to come right after your comment; Women who don't fit your description who know what you're are talking about but choose to take what you said personal. Especially when we know that none of the men and women that we often refer to don't have the intelligence to blog and probably aren't even members of this site. So if we are expecting any of our words to have some sort of impact or make some sort of difference, how's that going happen when the ones who are supposed to hear them aren't even here? Not to mention, it's already been discussed plenty of times how other races don't make negative comments about their race's opposite gender on here, so why do we keep doing it? That's why there is a topic "Black Men, Black Women, Best Frenemies". Because it's getting old.

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  40.   Storm says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    I think it's a universal shame of how black people in America are looked at........... even by each other. There are a lot of black men out there that fit the description of being a 'Stupid Nigger' (and I'm sure we all know a few of them), but even the black men that are the total opposite of that, are all too often considered to be that by EVERY cross-section of society. And like-wise while there are a lot of 'Sisters' out there that fit the description of being a 'Stupid Bitch' or a 'Hoe', it's equally unfortunate that the beautiful, brilliant, loving, innovative black woman gets mis-labeled, or is considered to be one of the 2, by envious, jealous, blind or immature people like the 'Stupid Nigger' that we talked about in the first paragraph. I got love for all of you, and I hope you-all find the strength to prevail. I'm out. Storm

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  41.   Storm says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    To: Bigeyes31 & MsZ17 I think where we are going wrong here is, we're are black men, and women, trying to agree. There are some perspectives that each of us can't speak from an experiential stand-point because we can't LIVE through what the other gender experiences. I can't tell either of you that your opinion is flat-out wrong, because I can't live inside of your skin and be you. But I can tell you what it's like to be a black man in Los Angeles, that has a good heart, knows how to treat a woman like a queen, makes in the mid 50 thousand bracket, doesn't bring stupid drama with me, and it's still hard to find a quality sister that's interested, because no matter what I AM able to do, more attention is always given to what I'm NOT able to do. Case in point: "$55,000 is okay, but why can't you make $75,000 like me" ? Or better yet: I supported my (black) ex-wife through school while she pursued her Master's, and ultimately became a school psychologist, and soon after, she turned on me like a snake, and started calling me 'Nothin' because I didn't pursue a Master's like her.

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  42.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    "Generally, ‘Sisters’ that are attractive don’t consider a black man to be much at all, unless he’s able to broadcast to people what he’s got, and what he can do on a grand level." Storm, I don't know what type of "sisters" you hookin' up with. They sound like "ShaNayNay" to me. I mean, that's just NO class at all. You need to hook up with a better class of woman. Any woman, black, white or otherwise, who would be that superficial shouldn't be given the time of day. Let's talk about SOME black men "broadcasting" about what they have: you all (and you know who you are), need to stop rolling up and down the street in your Escalades, Range Rovers and Suburbans, with HUGE, expensive rims, blasting your car stereo with the bass so high all you hear is "boom, boom, boom", while living with your Mama or GrandMama! Showing off, trying to attract your next Baby Mama. Or worse yet, rolling around in a "hoopty" with expensive rims. News Flash: Just because you put expensive rims on a clunker does NOT increase it's appeal or value! Now, I'm being facetious, but not really because this truly describes SOME black men. So, the pendulum swings both ways.

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  43.   MsZ17 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    I have to say this, too: some black men on here talk about a black woman "grilling" them on where they work, how much money they make, how much education they have, etc. like that's an "off limits" conversation. Look, any person worth anything is going to want to know how you make your livlihood before they get entangled with you. Um, if you don't work, are not retired or on disability, how are you getting money? No woman who's being responsible wants a thug or scrub! Besides, talking about one's job is usually something men like (unless they ain't got one!). Men are more defined by their work than women, generally speaking. So, it's not necessarily a bad thing to discuss this topic. Now, I'm not saying ask a man to produce one of his pay stubs! lol As long as he is gainfully employed and meeting his financial responsibilities, that's all that matters. Or, of course, he's retired. I mean, let's be real. If you are a man who's worked hard all your life, has a home, nice car, etc., you would NOT want a woman on welfare, sitting on her behind all day doing nothing! If you make 80 to 100k a year, I can't believe that you'd want to date a waitress, either. Not that there's anything wrong with being a waitress, please believe me. But, men don't usually tend to lower their standards as much as women do when it ocmes to this sort of thing. Women NEED to, but they don't always. So, I can't really understand why this would be offensive to anyone. MsZ's 2 cents.

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  44.   AriesT says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    *sigh* Reading through this blog, I sense so much anger, disappointment, and most of all... STEREOTYPES!!! (Which I hate.) The whole idea of successful black women "looking down" on black men or not thinking they're good enough is B.S. I'm 27 years old, make $80000 a year by myself, and own my own home. Do I have a problem dating a black man who makes less than me? Nope. And YES, I just started seeing a black man who makes less than I do, but treats me very well. So not ALL black women have this idea of "Oh, if he makes less than me, I'm settling." Actually, I think our history has shown that while there is a large percentage of wealthy, successful black men that go outside of their race, their is a higher percentage of successful black women who try to stay within their race, which I personally think is a mistake. (Chris Rock went on record and TOLD black women, "Hey, black men have been steppin' out on y'all for a long time, give some of these white boys a chance!") I've dated white guys before, and have only received negative feedback from black men... even my own brother. It's always, "You got it goin' on... smart, attractive, good head on ur shoulders, makin' good money... why don't you try to find a good brother out there?" What's always implied is that I'm choosing a white guy because he has money and the black guy doesn't. Like I'm being guilted into staying "loyal" to black men. Why do I have to? Why do I have to feel guilty about being successful and happening to date a white, Asian, or Mexican guy if I want? And I think THAT'S the tone I'm picking up from a lot of the sistas like Rheah59. It's not so much about "settling" as it is about finding someone that complements you as a person, especially if you are a successful person. So what if they're not black? Gosh, the black men on this board seem to be so defensive! What I suspect is that black men and women have been defensive about this issue for years. Maybe we all need to just chill and date whoever the hell makes you happy.

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  45.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    Storm I have to disagree with you. I personally don't want the flashy black man. I prefer the "nerdy" type. I don't want a guy that droves of women want. I become unattracted to him immediately. I prefer Clark Kent not Jay Z. I would prefer the unassuming brother that others over look. I consider myself to be attractive and successful and generally a good person so I'm at least one who proves your opinion wrong. I do appreciate your presence here and respect your view though. Peace

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  46.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    looking4life Nice to have you here.I am so glad that you are learning. Learning creates understanding. Thank you so much for the compliments. Again, good to have you here. I hope you will remain. Peace

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  47.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    jai44 I forgot to say you hit it on the head perfectly. Bravo!

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  48.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 09

    jai44 Yes black women get penalized for being strong and having a backbone. I don't mean angry now. That's not what I'm talking about. If you stand up for yourself then you're undesirable. No one takes any of those things that you mentioned into account when viewing black women. No one remembers what we have to shoulder. But you know what I wouldn't change for anyone. My strength and perserverance is a part of my character. I wasn't meant to be mousy and I will never be.If I deal with any man regardless of color hen will have LOVE that about me or he doesn't love Me.

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  49.   Maidinheaven says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    Many Black Women are single because they just refuse to lower their standards and accept just anything to have a man. Marriage is a very serious bond. I'd rather spend a thousand lifetimes single than one year with a man who could not appreciate me and all that I have to offer. If you are intimidated by me or any other successful Black woman, you probably do well to be intimidated. You simply recognize the powerful force of God and nature that you are attempting to interact with and realize that you may have to step up your game. In some cases, the woman loses her identity, feminity and personality and becomes her degree or her Mercedez Bens, but more often she just wants someone who handle her power. I am single because I refuse to take advantage of someone that I just simply do not want as a mate. Honestly, the only person I have seen that I can say those wedding vows to right now are ME. I know me. I will be faithful to me, love, honor and cherish me, in sickness or in health... I know exactly what I want and if He's not it, I just don't even waste my breath. Yes, I have a list of things that I want in a man and a mate and I will not settle. I am a very good woman with lots to offer and give. But I am not at all desperate to have just anything or waste my time, talents and love on just anything.

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  50.   Zenergetic says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    I'm doing my best to make sure black women are fulfilled within their relationships... but unless a wave of polygamy sweeps over the nation, I can only deal with it one woman at a time.

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