We always talk about Black women and how they can’t date White men. Well, there are those women that only date White men. I remember a pal of mine telling me once that she will never get married to Black man. And even as kids, when playing make believe, she was always married to a White guy.
The reason for women like her who only date white men may be very similar to the reasons why most Black women only date Black men … attraction. Some also feel that Black men treat them better than any other man ever could, and they feel that they’d rather have what they know instead of experimenting with what they don’t know.
Some Black women are just not physically attracted to Black men. And as much as parents usually like hooking us up with people of our own race, well it reaches a time when you have to be honest with yourself. Imagine my pal for example: As a child, her first crush was Adam Sandler, then as she got older, she fell in love with Mel Gibson. This doesn’t mean that Black men aren’t handsome – they are just not her type.
Some also feel that White men (not ALL but many) find black women to be remarkable in every sense of the word; hence Black women tend to gravitate towards those affections. Much as her husband treats her better than any man ever had, one lady admits that she has been with some White men that disgusted her with their behaviors. But she says that generally, older White men and very mature on a broader level than with Black men on many levels.
Some are just wildly turned on by the differences … skin color, hair, being raised in different cultures, music, foods … the list is endless. Its all about the desire for the mysterious and unknown. And for some, its just pure love because there are those that forget that we are ‘black’ and ‘white’ and just coincidentally happened to fall in love with a White guys.
One thing we all have to remember is that not every White man is a Black woman’s dream. It all depends on the individual … good and bad comes in all colors.
With that said, the generic phrase - ‘It should be about love and not color’ – is cute. But in this case, not entirely truthful. Its not only about love. Much as love gets cultivated eventually, there is physical attraction and a declaration to date only one race. Racist or preference?
Tags: black white dating, interracial relationships, black women white men dating
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Comment by Tampa_Chris on 15 September 2009:
I guess my last post would be towards Free Aries mainly, but in general I give out my opinion for those who care to listen.
Comment by Tampa_Chris on 15 September 2009:
Mr. Queens, my old friend,
What’s good? In somewhat support of your post I will have to say that though I am one of the “few” that truly take in a black women good, bad, and other, as a true loving relationship, I do and have had guy friends ask me “whats it like to f*ck a black chick?” I just laugh it off. Curiosity, sure, but lack of tact is a another thing. To all of those catz, don’t come at me wit that bullllshit…I’m the wrong cat to ask.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 15 September 2009:
Tampa Chris you are alright with me as well as AZ.
You are a rare exception because you are in a black fraternity. You get a level of respect that most white guys do not get.
For the record, there are white man that are genuinely interested in black women. Many of the readers here think I am the problem.
Black men are not the problem. Convincing other white men to date black women is the problem. In my opinion, I think it is hard for some white men to tell other white men to date a black woman serious and marry them.
Regardless of what the blog says. Some black women will outright reject some white men for “whatever reason”. Black men tend to have a “thicker skin” when it comes to that.
The question should be asked “what makes some white men shy away from black women”?
Comment by Tampa_Chris on 15 September 2009:
From my experiences of why some white men shy away from black women other than that they jus simply aren’t attracted to a sista could be as follows:
One of the thoughts some people think (remember “some”) is that because of history and the horrible stigma of segregation, etc. many white catz have stated to me that “that black girls hot, but she prolly doesn’t date white boys” automatically thinking that a sista is gonna write off a white cat cuz automatically think they’re racist or think close-minded or some other idealism.
I think thats a thought for race relation in general, but thats a whooooole other blog post, lol.
Another reason is a black woman is renowned as being very “strong” and “direct” and “proud”, which can all be true in many cases and are all great attributes (many of which I’m attracted to). But like Mr. Queens stated and I support as a general statement; black men through all their trials and tribulations are much more “thicker skinned” than the average white male or any male for that matter. I feel that many white men are intimidated by a woman who holds such powerful personality traits, skill sets, and ambitions. Many white women historically have been somewhat sub-servant to their husbands and the playing field wasn’t as equal.
I feel that white catz that are still true to themselves but still date out their race have a particular swag or confidence that stands out of the “norm.” I’m a very confident male, no matter what color I am. I think that integrates into my everyday life and how I am perceived by females or just people in general.
Or you could just be shy, lol.
Comment by Azrazyel on 15 September 2009:
Wow!
Props to Queens and Tampa Chris for keeping it real.
One coming from a black man and the other from a white man. I truly appreciate hearing from both sides as to knowing there is much to learn.
Chris:
I don’t know if you have dated a black woman before, if not then I am in the same boat as you. I TRULY appreciate the BEAUTY, not just physical but the individual herself, of a black woman.
I am not looking to ‘experiment’ with her. I want to meet a black woman and build a friendship with her and maybe eventually, lead to a committed relationship. I know for a FACT I have so much to offer a black woman. I want her to realize love comes from any race. Character shows it’s appreciation in any color.
I am happy to say, just as you, I am NOT ashamed to publicly state my interests for a black woman. I believe they have been pushed around by the media i.e. stereotypes (undesirables, unmarriageable, undatable material) for too damn long and I think it is time for them to have respect they deserve and to show them there are MANY men of MANY races who appreciate them.
In my opinion, knock the fucking white woman off the pedestal already!!! Haha Black women are (more beautiful to me) just as beautiful to the outside world as anyone. I am glad to see the tide turning and they are opening their minds to all races and they know they can be appreciated by any race.
I always hear that black women growing up are ‘conditioned’ to only see that ‘only’ black men can appreciate them. I am glad those ‘conditions’ are becoming ‘unconditional’.
I am glad to see you made it here to these forums Chris, because for so long here I was kinda on my own without regards from my own race and his/her experiences.
Queens: Thanks for keeping it real and I appreciate your input. I don’t agree with everything you say ha, but I know you as a black man can give me guidance to some things I may or may not need to know.
Peace and Blessings
Comment by Tampa_Chris on 15 September 2009:
What’s good Azrazyel?
To answer your question I’ve pretty much only had relationships with black women most my life and I think like anything your experiences will help bring everything full circle. I mean, ya gonna get a lot of good, but also be prepared for some bad too in just life in general. I mean, I have a loving family that doesn’t care who I marry or bring home and I have friends from all backgrounds. You get some people who just aren’t comfortable with the idea and unfortunately we live in a harsh society sometimes. All in all its about being honest to yourself and being respectful to whomever you pursue black, white, or other. And if you felt by ya self on here just scroll up a ways to my name and you can read on to see how far me and Mr. Queens have come….lol. That’s my dawg. haha.
Comment by Ichibod on 16 September 2009:
That’s funny, Tatty Girl. It’s your favorite term again. Bashing! Bashing! Bashing! Bashing through the snow, in a one horse open… okay, that’s enough.
How’s it going, LQ?
I think some women need to either turn their televisions and radios off, or just get their heads out of the sand or their arses. Which ever hole is deeper. More black women college graduates? So what. There are still black men college graduates every year and a lot of them are single and straight. Geez, why are they only mentioned in passing or as a contrast rather than for the respect they deserve? You are so right about black women needing to guard their reputations. Like the oldest living woman who just recently passed away. She said she never drank, never smoked, and never fooled around. That’s what I call a strong black woman. Seeing black men act a fool makes me angry. Seeing black women act a fool makes me very sad. It’s our responsibility as men to help guard their reputations as well, but you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. Oh, and who’s fault is it that black women are just now beginning to embrace the idea of finding love wherever it may be? Cleopatra seduced Anthony and Caesar. This didn’t just start within the last decade or two.
Comment by Free Aries on 16 September 2009:
Queens
Are you suggesting that I don’t or have not dated European men? I have never met nor dated anyone from this site, so what is it that you speaketh or ther than BS…you constantly suggest that Black women were loose booty’s in college…m’kay, let’s just say we were, now what? I’ve been out of high school for 20 years, what’s your point for bringing up what happened in college? I don’t think you have problems with black women, however, I think you have issues with yourself. You care way too much about what others are doing in their personal lives…I say you need to get a grip, and really do some serious researc for your whack ass hypothesis’ that make absolutely no sense and do not have an ounce of credibility.
Comment by Queenbee7519 on 16 September 2009:
Black women need to look outside the hood for something other than black. We as sistas are being told over and over since childhood that god will make a way for us to have a man. How many of you are now 30 and older who keep hearing this from mom and other female relatives? At some point black women have to be real with themselves if they want to be married or have a relationship with someone.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 16 September 2009:
Dear Free Aries
Your argument is absurd. When I disagree with a comment I don’t belong here. Yet, if someone kisses your ass all day than you don’t object. It is just a question to you and all the other sellout black women. I don’t got a problem with myself. Why would I have a problem with myself? I am not looking for a relationship.
You broadcast your personal lives on a PUBLIC BLOG you dumb Koala bear. Go write that shit in your diary and I wouldn’t have to comment on it.
Disclaimer alert!
If you talk about your personal life anywhere on the internet PEOPLE WILL READ IT.
You sound like a bitter old woman.
Hey Ich, I guess when you say it to black women they don’t get mad.
I say something it’s “oh why you in my personal life” LOL.
I have noticed something on this blog. Black women want to tell you “how to think”. ” How to come across” when you talk on a blog. I ain’t you damn BOYFRIEND. I say what is on my mind period! I wear the pants in my relationship!!!!
I plan to release “H1 BLACK GIRL SWINE FLU”. I am sure men that have dated black women have come in contact with the symptoms. Uncontrollable crying when you don’t listen to her. Constantly being told what to do. Her face getting “screwed up” because you got female friends. Her “undying” need for attention. Oh yea, the most serious symptom “challenging your manhood when she is losing an argument”.
If you want to be told what to say join the Tatt “class” with World Citizen and Free Aries. I am pretty sure the class is filled with these controlling women.
Thank you
What’s up AZ, Tampa, and Chris.
Comment by Ichibod on 16 September 2009:
Queenbee,
I feel sorry for anyone who thinks the only place they can find a black man is in the hood. That’s pretty ignorant of them. All black women don’t live in the hood, so why would any of them that don’t live there think that is a good place to look for a man? Those are the thoughts of a disgruntled thirty year old child. “…Other than black”? Something very disturbing about that sentence fragment.
Sounds more like you just don’t believe in God. It’s not always in the cards (or His plan) for a person to be in a relationship. As men and women, we believe it to be natural and necessary to find a signifcant other, but then again just about everyone is born with eyes and some cannot see out of them. The same goes with ears, arms, legs, and several other bodily functions that don’t function as we think they should. Understanding this concept is what being real ourselves means.
What I’ve come to realize from the months I’ve been on these blogs is that race is not the primary issue here. It’s that not many truly understand what goes into and what it takes to make a relationship work. Well, that and too much foolish pride. If we all first learn this, then what race our prospective partners will be and where we will find them or they find us would not be such an issue.
Comment by Ichibod on 16 September 2009:
LQ,
I guess it’s like the freestyle battles from “8 Mile”. Maybe I’ve taken their rebuttals away. There’s no telling whether they’re mad at me or not. It’s not my intention… most times. I try to educate, give points of view to help where I may feel a person’s thinking is misguided, headed in the wrong direction. What they decide to think and do in the end is still up to them.
Comment by Free Aries on 16 September 2009:
LQ
Really are you serious???? That’s the question of the day…who gives a rat’s ass about your whack ass blog…you are a weak ass black man that has probably not had any black pussy other than the one you came out of. You have personal issues…get that PERSONAL…
I do not need anyone whatsoever to validate who I am or what I do. I know exactly what’s going on in my neck of the woods, so please no kiss ass necessary. However, you clearly present a hefty dose of bitchassness, you have wayyyyyy and I mean wayyyyy too much time on your hands. You never offer anything factual it’s always your peon opinion that have absolutely no credibility. I would be very interested in knowing what do you offer the black community. I ask this because you pretend to know so much about black women. What do you do other than scratch your ass and spread your bullshit? Probably absolutely nothing!!
So with this I say to you…YOU are the sell-out, YOU have the issues, YOU can’t educate me on shit, YOU need to be educated, YOU are foolish, YOU are ignorant, YOU are full of shit, YOU are irrelavent…and with that, I am officially through with you…
BLOOP!!
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 16 September 2009:
Dear Free Aries
I will not stoop to your level. ‘Black pussy”, I dislike your “crass” language towards me. Considering I have a fiancee and she is not “black pussy”. Maybe that is what “you are” and that upsets you.
You asked me what I do for the black community. Currently, I work with black youth as a part-time job. They need positive role models like myself. Since you were wondering.
I don’t need to write a fantasy novel about it either.
Good night to you.
Comment by Free Aries on 16 September 2009:
Ha!!
No you don’t…and you know you don’t. You know good and well she’s not black. That’s why you have so much hatred toward black women who date black men, because the black woman you wanted is probably dating a white man. You are hating yourself for dating that white woman you are with…where did you meet her loose booty ass?? I surely hope not college, because according to you black women in college were loose booty’s…lmao…you are way too easy…
good night lil grasshopper
Comment by SanAntonioBeauty on 16 September 2009:
Scoff and Sarah, as I read some of those emotionally laden hypercritical posting concerning your story, I can only say one thing, youth has such luxuries in today’s world with little consequence.
Please continue with your story, maybe some will learn how to scroll. This the right place, more so than the posting of such vitriol. My mother, in her infinite wisdom would say “you have two problems, one to get mad and one to get over it”. The other thing she would say is “that’s a personal problem”, when there was a complaint.
God bless the two of you
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 17 September 2009:
Dear Free Aries
My fiancee is half black and half puerto rican. She will tell you she is “not” black. Her father is dark like me, and her mother his half puerto rican and white. I told her ” oh your not black”. She says I am black on my job applications. I said ” you put Hispanic on myspace and facebook.
I looked up at her eating my cereal this morning. My fiancee is like, “your racist and hate white people”. I went back to eating my cereal. I said “we all racist baby”. Then she says ” no we are not”. I said ” Ok Mrs ” I am not black”. Your daddy dark as night like me. She says ” I like dark skin men”.
We went back and forth. I said look I am not racist. You can’t understand a genius like me. Think about it. People actually do a blog about dating “outside of their race”. That can be perceived as being racist.
Why not do an inclusive blog and then pick and choose the person you want be with. Give the “appearance that you DON’T dislike your race. Instead of saying ‘this is an interracial blog”. If you don’t like it you are racist.
You see the absurdity of the whole thing. Sometimes what I say goes over people’s heads.
It sinks in later on.
It kind of reminds me of the email I got from a disgruntled white guy. He said “nigger you are racist”.
My response was to laugh.
Comment by Ichibod on 3 October 2009:
Mr Queens,
I just realized that the comment from Supremacy10, and your response back to him in July, were both removed from this thread. If I recall, your response wasn’t even negative toward him.
Comment by tatted2death on 17 October 2009:
hey ich….”BASHING”….LOL
(still laughing at the christmas carol you made out of that word).
Comment by julius26 on 17 October 2009:
LoL (Terriann,Michelle) This is so stupid, first of all, it`s not every black woman`s dream to date a white guy (michelle) it`s your dream, lol which is sad that, that`s a dream lol. I met a black woman the other day that said she purposely had a baby with a white guy she didn`t even like to have a pretty baby that is sad and allot of black people feel that way. white people don`t say thing like i`m tired of seeing white couples (michelle) SIGHS BLACK PEOPLE JUST HAVE SELF ISSUES PERIOD, black is beautiful, too bad there`s still black people that don`t see that.
Comment by julius26 on 17 October 2009:
The above statement i took from another blog and are not my words but please read carefully.
Comment by ctl on 24 October 2009:
I am a married white guy who regrets never doing any inter racial dating, I think women from any of the other races are totally hot. I like white girls too. I think the real problem with a long term inter racial relationship would eventually come down to cultural differences, each race has their own customs, religions, points of view and biases that would eventually lead to friction in the long term. More power to those that can make it work long term.
Comment by JustAGuy on 24 October 2009:
Just found this post. Oh, CaribPrinces, you seem to heave left the thread so long ago…I would have come back to see your face many a time.
I’m a white man who has dated all kinds of races. My first love was a black woman, my first wife a white. I’ve dated Asian, been married to two other white women and two Latin women.
There are so many reeasons people are attracted to other people. It’s fairly well accepted that women will be attracted to men who present as good providers for children they may have. That can be black, white, or any other color. Whatever our personal conceptioins of “handsmome” or “beautiful” will play in too. It’s believed human bodies even give off chemicals to attract members of the opposite sex when they are interested.
My father was a ladies man, who, after his last divorce, often dated “younger” women — which proved it could be equally controversial!
(I say if you’re older and catch a younger, you go…male or female! Older lovers can teach younger lovers and are often more mature. Especially women! Young men are pretty much meatheads.)
Jealous guys used to ask my father, “What’s your secret for catching all these beautiful young women?”
You really want to know, my father would ask.
Yes! They replied. My father would lean forward and whispet confidentially, “Talk to them like they are people.” Which of course the men who had to ask that question thought was a bull answer, but was so true.
Men tend to be self-centered. Want a woman to like you? Go out on a date and ask her what her dreams are in life, instead of telling her all about you.
Women usually open up personally completely to such talk. Just for a man to see them as as a human being instead of an object is so refreshing.
In my 60 year experience, I have found that beautiful women come in all colors. It is more the light in their eyes, as well as the features I favor, that get me.
Because I have had several younger women, and two Latin women, I get typed all the time. Complete mistakes. Circumstance.
We are all children of God, in so many colors and types and personalitites and yes — sexuality — it’s a marvelous garden out there.
I agree with a lot men have said here…black women tend to be strong, having to deal with a world that is so hard on their color, and there are so many deadbeat dads of all races. Probably when I meet my maker my greatest saving grace will be that I can say I have helped raise the children of many deadbeat dads. If that’s my main contribution to this world, I’m okay with it.
I would date a woman of any color that sparked my interest at any time. A face like CaribPrinces would make me want to know more anytime. But before I married my last wife, I dated a Brazilian woman, asked out a white woman my age, and it just didn’t work out, dated briefly a black Doninican woman.
Then I wound up with a lighter skinned Latin.
Love and sexuality, thank God I don’t have to be the judgee of anything. And we haven’t even talked about gay love affairs (now there’s TABOO again).
Bless you all, it’s a long road to happiness.
JusAGuy
Comment by TricciNicci on 25 October 2009:
Wow, thank goodness the word ‘dating’ isn’t the same or even synonymous with ‘marriage’, ‘respect’ or ’support’ because the blogger, ctl, proves precisely why many Women of Color want nothing to do with white men. Here is a guy who says his motive for even desiring to date outside of race boils down to sexual introspection. Purely, simply and only. A snake in the grass for any Woman of Color walking Life’s path of a Beautiful Dream Story.
ctl, I don’t want to blow your cheating hearts cover on the lust factor, but not too many Women of Color are looking to hop in the bed with some pale skinned slick only to be told,
ctl: “Really hon, I think you are truly hot! My body and soul buuuuuuurn for you. BUT I will have to allow to lead a VERY depressed life as I know Blacks aren’t Catholic, use the same napkins my relatives choose from WalMart, nor know that Thanksgiving is for the ORIGINAL members of Jamestown.”
Needless to say finishing up as the Brown Lady cries heated tears of stabbing regret for all the love, the time lost believing another heart could dance to the rhythm of hers,
ctl: “Oh, and sweety, though it’s been a wet dream come to life thumping those buttery brown cheeks of yours nightly, there’s no way in Hell, Kwanza’s ever gonna be celebrated in my home!”
Ya know, I think Ms. Brown Lady failed to see the perspective when she folded that pointy hat thingy you called a pillowcase, LMAO!!!! Why don’t you suck it up ctl and be thankful you have ANYONE of beauty to lay your head next too. After all you got exactly what you wanted, right? Beyond that try nasty CL for anything you consider a perversion. PEOPLE write on this blog!
And that my race driven sisters and brothers, is a WRAP!
Comment by Pale Man on 28 October 2009:
I grew up in a purposefully integrated city (Columbia Maryland). Not perfect, but a lot more harmony than many spots in the US. Still, there was some stigma attached to interracial dating when I was in high school (1977 to 1981). I had a HUGE crush on a black girl (Donna) and didn’t date her because of social constraints. Biggest regret of my life.
Now, over these 30 years the country has changed a lot, especially in the last 10 years. All of you interracial pioneers, you lead the way, broke the trail in the snow! Thanks.
Now, wow, we can really choose a mate for all the things that matter….age, similar level of education, interests, beliefs, common goals. How much melanin we have in our skin doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s been a long time coming and LONG LONG overdue.
I’m married now (to a white woman) but if I were ever to find myself single again I wouldn’t limit myself to the possibility of any woman being my mate…I might miss out on another Donna and I can’t let that happen! Be she white, black, red, yellow, mosaic mix of all of the above, I would NEVER let any social pressure from making any woman my mate. For me, I’m beyond race. I’m on to the things that matter. I’ve changed with the country and I’m in a good place now.
Peace to all,
Pale Man
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 29 October 2009:
Dear Pale Man
I think your story is disingenuous to black women on the board. I don’t doubt you had a crush on Donna. But the fact you succumb to racial pressure is rather cowardly.
I know what your going to say. Laurelton you dislike because I am a white man.
No, I will tell you a story that I regret. I was about 10 years old. I knew this kid that was biracial (his father was white). Anyway, come to find out his father had HIV. His black mother left the family for whatever reason. His father was struggling to pay bills with his illness in Woodside Queens New York. This was way before the drug treatments for HIV patients. It was a sure death sentence.
So it was just him and his HIV dad. We were both around the same age. I actually stopped talking to him because all the other kids stopped talking to him. Simply because his daddy had HIV. We were pretty good friends. But word got around and he was severely shunned.
That is something I will have to live with. I bowed to the pressure, even though I was 10 years old.
Now for you to say ” If I were ever single again” I would be with a black woman. Get a divorce and be with a black woman now.
If I ran into the biracial kid x amount of years later, I would apologize and tell him I was wrong. His father was a nice guy.
Good day.
Comment by JustAGuy on 29 October 2009:
Mr. Laurelton,
Cut Pale Man some slack. He owned up to his cowardice. As you owned up to your regret. You should be forgiven, as he, as we all, when we repent.
And he didn’t say that if he gets divorced he’s go find a BLACK woman, he said he has learned and wouldn’t be limited by any race. You are twisting his words.
And why would you say the he will say he dislikes you because you are a white man? How could you possibly know that? Sheer speculation.
And he wishes peace for us all.
What do you want from the poor guy?
Peace and freedom to all
Comment by JustAGuy on 29 October 2009:
Hey Free Aries,
If I had your address I’d send you an anonymous check in the mail. Done it before and I’d do it again. And don’t want anything for it. I have everything I need in this world. Did you tell anyone you needed it or why?
And by the way, some of us idiots don’t have our pictures on here because we don’t know how to put them here!
Don’t assume it’s cowardice — I’m just technically challenged.
Peace and love
Comment by bigeyes31 on 29 October 2009:
Paleman and justaguy
Now, out of all that you both said, the explanations of all the “interracial” women you have had relationships with and all the black attraction, you still didn’t pick a black woman to make your wife. You married everything BUT black. So what’s new? How did you contribute? You only perpetuated the trend of white men with asian,white and latino women. Is there no one who is strong enough NOT to go with the “flow”?
Peace
Comment by JustAGuy on 29 October 2009:
I’m sorry, I thought the title of this whole thing, if you look up at the very top, is “Interracial Dating.”
(And when you speak of our “interracial” relationships with women you appear to have a sarcastic tone. Why? What do you know of who we have dated and loved? I wouldn’t presume to know the first thing about your life.)
Back to the topic, according to Webster, interracial means of, involving, or designed for members of different races.
Webster also defines dating as to to go out on usually romantic dates.
I don’t think people should get merit badges for marrying someone of any color, and I think that you are actually talking about stereotypes, not us. We have just been talking about the varieties of people.
If you study a map of the slave trade that moved most Africans away from their homeland, it appears Africans were spread from Southern Brazil to the Eastern coast of the United States. So you may not realize this, but many Latin women are indeed “women of color.” If you travel through Brazil, Honduras, or almost any South or Central American country, including Puerto Rico, and especially the Dominican Republic and Brazil, you find many women who appear to be significantly darker than you. My current wife is a light skinned Latin, but my previous Latin wife was pretty dark. Does that mean anything? Not that I know of. In most Latin countries, the darker population are often referred to by friends and FAMILY as “Negrito,” simply meaning black.
But what it all this talk about anyway?
I think if you read what we are talking about, we are talking merely about experience, the chance of love, and the variety of people. Speaking for myself, I find the human race to be one of people ranging from the darkest of dark to the lightest of light. It is like a bouquet of flowers, and who you wind up with is for some a factor of who they seek, but most with bias would never consider a dark person, while most free thinking people consider any color who come in their path.
I think perhaps you rush to judgment, that is all.
May you be blessed with all your dreams.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 29 October 2009:
Dear JustAGuy
I didn’t twist the man’s words. He is making excuses as to why he wasn’t with a black woman.
I find it self serving. He can divorce his wife and go get him a black woman since he feels so bad about it.
I guess black women are not that important so we should “cut him some slack”.
This is one of the main reasons that black women are weary about white men. They are worried about what people say when they are with a black woman.
I don’t want nothing from the guy but honesty. He had a crush on a black woman, I guess that was just “physical attraction”.
What he basically wants is the sexual pleasure of a black woman but does not want the “public relationship”.
Historically white men have done this and continue to do this.
Keep black women in the “background” but never get “serious” with them.
Then they got the nerve to say “cut him some slack”.
He could be spanking black women on the side while his white wife is at home unaware.
This guy is a dirt bag. If you are admiring black women from “afar”. It is not a far stretch that he might be cheating on his wife.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 30 October 2009:
Yes, I know that the women you mention ARE women of color. I realize for example Dominican people are latin people with a deep African bloodline, culture and heritage. You still haven’t addressed the point. You were married four times to “acceptable” women of color. So, you as a white man, who is proclaiming such attraction and appreciation for “women of color” but you excluded the black woman from the “socially acceptable marriage material”.You sarcastically stated the obvious to me about the name of this site and explained what dating meant, but since you were married four times, you at some point stopped dating correct? When you decided to settle four times, they were all either white or latina. You still took the safe route to “interracial” dating. Paleman admitted to cowardly marrying a white woman even though the love of his life was a black woman; he chose what was socially acceptable. So again, I ask: How did you contribute? What’s new?I didn’t presume anything , I just relied on what you, yourself wrote.
Peace(but I’m still going to speak my mind)
Comment by bigeyes31 on 30 October 2009:
Oh in my haste….that last post was for justaguy.
Comment by TricciNicci on 30 October 2009:
Hmmmmmmm, can’t mess with that logic.
Comment by JustAGuy on 30 October 2009:
Mr. Laurelton and Bigeyes,
You seem to insist on looking for the negative, and miss, or try to interpret like psychoanalysts, who don’t do so well themselves, the meanings of people’s words.
Bigeyes, I guess you missed the fairly obvious statement that my last Latin wife (not the present one) was as dark as you. And in between my many marriages in 60 years I have loved the darkest of dark skinned women. And the lightest of light. My first love was an “Afro-American” woman, but she was a little older and left me and broke my heart. And in recent years — IN BETWEEN MARRIAGES — I have dated and loved women of all colors. It just didn’t always lead to marriage, black or white. So your assumption of who I dated after my first marriage (I hope you notice you assume freely), is incorrect.
My first wife was almost 35 years ago. There has been a lot of love and a lot of heartache with many women of all colors in all these years.
I tire of this post, I have a busy life to lead. At 60 years of age, I am still raising children of deadbeat dads, a purpose in my life I find tiring, after 30 years of it, but still rewarding.
And I’m writing a book with a friend of mine from Junior High School, blacker than you honey, about our 45 year friendship, and our mothers, who themselves saw beyond color, and worked to raise non-racist children in a racist world.
(I’m sure people will have much more to say about that, should we be fortunate enough to publish. His wives also ranged from the lightest of light to the darkest of dark.)
By the way, have you been married? Have you raised children?
For me, I still travel and move freely in all areas of the world. If I marry again, it will be a woman who attracts me, period. But I will probably not marry again. At this point in life, I can’t see why.
For all those of you who seek the positive, and have made positive contributions to this thread, I salute you.
I have to get back to work. I’m responsible for the employment of about 20 people, of all colors, and in these times that’s harder and more deserving of time than chatting with people who always want to see the negative.
Goodbye, good luck with all. Peace and love to all, anywhere you find it.
Comment by Ichibod on 30 October 2009:
JustAGuy,
I understand exactly what you’re saying.
Bigeyes,
You are brilliant… as always!
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 30 October 2009:
Dear JustaGuy
I hope I didn’t disrespect you because my father is your age. Obviously, the sore point for you his your failed marriages. I truly do believe some of your past wives “screwed you over”. It is not an indictment on all Caribbean women.
Everybody knows my strong opinion on Caribbean woman lol. They have less compassion the average woman in the world due to the extreme circumstances they were raised in. Dominican women, Jamaican women and Puerto Rican women. They can be a handful at times.
I actually find Black American women more genuine. To me it is not really just about the skin color. I look at the origin of the black woman too.
I don’t think any man should be left broke. Sometimes black women mistaken “niceness” for weakness. Regardless, of what black women say. They will not respect a man they can walk over.
I mention that in the ” Pia Glenn Story” on my blog. This attractive black woman with this fat homely white man. He had the audacity to email her and cut “her loose”. Her ego couldn’t handle that and turns around and say ” I want to have your baby and etc. Classic example of using reverse psychology on a woman.
Comment by JustAGuy on 30 October 2009:
Mr. Laurelton,
Don’t know why you spend so much time reading into others words. You make up whole scenarios based on your speculations.
Try speaking of yourself, feelings and beliefs. I, for one, will always respect that.
And I don’t know what you’re talking about “golddiggers.” Spend some time with the white women of Boca Raton. They check your watch, your clothes, your car, your house, and then decide if they want to talk to you.
I don’t know who has the prize for gold-digging, or “credit card eyes,” but I’ve heard it about every race.
Which tells me it’s just the way some people are. Even then it can be cultural, as with women from families with money, or people from hardship looking for ways out. Again, it’s pure speculation. And I disagree with any racial title in that department.
Comment by Scoff/Sara on 30 October 2009:
Morning all;
Again I hope that all is well for my special friends, and that they have a very good week end.
Myself and that very special person are taking a little road trip down to Tarpon Springs, the area has a large Greek population, so Scoff wants me to try some different foods, and just browse around.
Thanks to you folks we are dropping by to see his mother, she is 88, now that is going to be an experience, she moved back their when Scoff’s Dad passed away several years back. Hang on world we are coming out lololo. May be bit of a problem, she only speaks Greek, we know she speaks English only when she has too, so we will work that problem out.
Godiva I hope your day off went good, relax take care of your self first, then you will be able to help others.
Love and Hugs
see you next week
Sarah
Comment by TricciNicci on 30 October 2009:
Very interesting comments. I see a lot from both sides of the coin and learned quite a bit. Very good work and honest, open discussion. To speak about one’s experiences can help anyone who hears. I’m still on the borderline and don’t think in terms of ‘color’ but recognize some experiences in certain aspects of diversified culture can be better than others.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 30 October 2009:
Dear JustAGuy
I always speak for myself. You said in your bitter, angry tirade.
“Bigeyes, I guess you missed the fairly obvious statement that my last Latin wife (not the present one) was as dark as you. And in between my many marriages in 60 years I have loved the darkest of dark skinned women. And the lightest of light. My first love was an “Afro-American” woman, but she was a little older and left me and broke my heart. And in recent years — IN BETWEEN MARRIAGES — I have dated and loved women of all colors. It just didn’t always lead to marriage, black or white. So your assumption of who I dated after my first marriage (I hope you notice you assume freely), is incorrect.”
LOl It’s funny how you redirect your anger at white women. But haven’t gained any success with “minority women”. You could always point the finger at yourself. Your track record just seems to be poor. Am I speculating?
Judging from your commentary. I think you still carry around that pain for that black woman hurting you. The way you snapped at Big Eyes was very interesting.
You are going to have get rid of that anger or you will NEVER have a steady relationship.
The Irony of me telling you this should mean something to you!
I still think you are a good guy. A bit naive when it comes to black women and Latin women.
Oh yea, I speak for myself. I rule my woman with an “iron fist”. I tend to subscribe to the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene and The Art of Seduction”. As far as they are concerned I have no weaknesses.
I was in bed with my fiancee and she said “man Negros have cried over me, more than once”. I said why “was they crying? “They cheated”. I said “oh yea” I ain’t never cried in my lifetime over a woman. She said “yea right”. They don’t call me “Stoneheart” from the cartoon “Care Bears” for no reason!
I plan to address this in my manuscript. Men crying in front of woman is a big NO NO. Also, why it is important to not fall for the black woman’s tears. Some white boys fall for the trap. It is important to jump on your woman’s ass when she is crying.
I won’t go into any further.
Comment by JustAGuy on 30 October 2009:
Angry, bitter tirade? Where do you get this stuff? In virtually every post you try to impute meaning and demeanor to other people. Sadly, most of the time you’re mistaken.
I’m sure we all look forward with great enthusiasm to your manuscript. Guaranteed bestseller.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 30 October 2009:
Justaguy you seem to have missed the obvious point that because a person has dark skin does not make them black in terms of ethnicity. A person originating from a place located close to the earth’s equator could be dark complected.You sound “color struck”. You seem to delineate hues alot in the choice of women you have had dealings with. The women you married might have very well been dark complected but still socially safe because they were latin. Latin women, asian, white women, all socially acceptable for white men to marry and date interracially. Look, I don’t care one bit about being accepted by white men, white society,etc. I have wonderful examples of strong, good black men in my family. From my great-grandfather who was born the year 1900 and owned his own “filling” station or gas station right here in the “dirrrty” south. I have five handsome, successful black brothers who fought for me, taught me and loved me and a great dad. I do, however take issues with white men who proclaim how much they are attracted to black women but don’t marry them or choose social comfort over them. They keep the heat of their loins underneath the sheets and out of the streets. Now, some of these type white men might get a pat on the back from some black women but NOT the real ones.
Peace(from the DARK SIDE OF THE MOON)
Comment by bigeyes31 on 30 October 2009:
Hello Ich !
Been wondering where you were, LOL thanks.
Comment by JustAGuy on 30 October 2009:
Bigeyes,
Perhaps you’re right. But I’ve endured enough looks and comments from crowds of white people and crowds of black people to know something, especially when I’m the only white face in town or my partner is the only dark face. From New York City, to Virgina, Missouri, Oakland, Central and South America and Asia.
Whatever…you seem bent on my being wrong, although you know little about me. You have a lot in common with Mr. Laurelton on that, you speak a lot of what others feel or have done while extrapolating it from a few words…
You really don’t have a clue where I’ve been or what I’ve done, or felt.
Comment by Azrazyel on 30 October 2009:
I was curious if anyone knew who this “James” author guy is.
I was also wondering why “He” never comments on “His” own blog?
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 30 October 2009:
Dear Justaguy
Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. I can only interpret you words on a website.
It is your “words”. I said you was an older guy and I can understand your feelings you shared with us.
You said this
“Perhaps you’re right. But I’ve endured enough looks and comments from crowds of white people and crowds of black people to know something, especially when I’m the only white face in town or my partner is the only dark face. From New York City, to Virgina, Missouri, Oakland, Central and South America and Asia.”
I can respect your anger and frustration. I have never walked in your shoes..But blogs are open forums. For people to say “you don’t know me”. Right, we do not, so we go off your words.
I think Big eyes is the last person who wants conflict. I will take the heat for this one.
I think people just get uncomfortable when I comment to them so they get defensive real fast.
Comment by JustAGuy on 30 October 2009:
My apologies to you, Mr. Laurelton, for having spoken harshly or sarcastically to you. In this post you speak, I feel, rather appropriately. My only feeling was that no matter what I said, BigEyes wished to find fault with it. But as you correctly interpeted, she does not know me. I have only tried to say that I have loved and been married to and have had love affairs with all sorts of women, from dark Afro-American to blonde-haired blue eyed women. I’ve suffered being called a “nigger-lover,” along with all kinds of other stereotypes. I’ve been physically assaulted for being with people I’ve been with, that racists or bigots didn’t like. I’ve been married to women much younger, and dealt with sarcastic remarks about being with “my daughter.” When in Afro-American circles I was with an Afro-American woman I was a “wannabe.” When I was a kid in New York I was called a “Paddy Boy,” a derogatory term meant for Irish Americans. My mother was Jewish, so I have been called a “kike.” I’ve heard my Latin women referred to as “Spics.” I have learned through the years to outgrow the insults, and consider the source — bigots of all races, shapes and sizes. Oh — I forgot — I’m also a “Gringo” among hostile Latins. No, I haven’t experienced every kind of ethnic or racial slur. But my family in Ireland fought for hundreds of years to win their freedom from the English. As late as the 1980s or 1990s the Irish Republican Army was still setting off bombs in London, due to the fighting between Northern and Southern Ireland. We were slightly more polite terrorists — we called ahead so people weren’t killed (as much) but mostly property damaged. My mother’s people were hounded since they were thrown out of Israel, persecuted in Russia, until they came to the United States in the late 1800s, not practicing Judaism any more, simply wanting to be “Americans” and live in peace. We were slaughtered by the millions by the Nazis, who would do the same today. I grew up in New York with the children of “survivors,” the Jews who lived through the concentration camps. I have seen the numbers tattooed on the arms. My father, before he died, remembers signs that said, “Help Wanted: No Jews, Irish, or Chinese need apply.” He said you didn’t have to write “black,” it was understood.
What does it all mean to me? That we have more in common than differences. My father came from Ireland, after, as a child, he watched people die in the streets from the potato famine. People could only step over the dying — there was no help. He grew up throwing rocks at British tanks, as Palestinian children do now, sadly, at my people, who now oppress them.
What a world. I felt as if I was being attacked by BigEyes because I had not actually ever married an Afro-American woman. What can I say? If after all I’ve been through that means I’m some sort of phony, well, everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Thank you for your post. And I respect you for speaking up for BigEyes. I don’t claim to know the first thing about her, even though she’s written a lot on posts I’ve read. I don’t know if she’s ever been married. I assume being a black woman in America she’s without a doubt suffered racism. Perhaps more. But that’s an assumption. I don’t know if she ever married a white man, or what it would really prove one way or another. As we have seen in these posts, people marry people even when they have racist feelings. How would I know anything at all about her? The most I have been able to tell is that her family struggled in this country, and it seems to me that she thinks I’m not genuine because I haven’t married an Afro-American woman. And she has stated that I perpetuate stereotypes of Latin and Asian women.
Most of my friends would disagree, including lifelong friends of other races. My mother published a book, one contributor of many from different races, about raising children in a racist world. From my youngest days my family fought racism.
Whatever, I am what I am, and if my existence as it is causes some to pass judgment, it won’t be the worst that’s ever happened to me. I’ve been shot in the head walking down the street in California. Now that was rough. And it was by other white people. I’ve been threatened by whites and blacks and Latins. I’ve had to fight and maneuver myself out of dangerous and life-threatening situations. I’ve seen poverty, worse than we can ever imagine in this country. But I can sit comfortably in other lands with no other white people to be seen. Somehow I’ve grown to where I can communicate well enough to do that.
Ah well. Off to sleep, get up tomorrow and take the younger kids (5 and 8, both of who’s fathers abandoned them before birth, and I’m 60) to watch my oldest biological daughter compete in her first martial arts competition. Then it’s back to work again. And on it goes.
The sun rises, the sun sets. It’s sad that among people who try to fight racism, however well they do it, we can still criticize each other for not doing enough…whatever that is.
Peace and love to all.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 30 October 2009:
Justaguy that last post was…well insightful. I commend you on what you have endured. You are right; we don’t know each other. Mr. L. Q was correct as well, in saying that the words you write are all I have to go on and vice versa. This is a public forum so I might challenge something that’s posted;you happened to post something mentioning a particular irritant to me. I have admitted several times on this site that I have a certain cynacism toward white people. I have never denied that. I’m struggling to work through it,not there yet. I don’t particularly believe in singing “We are the world” and holding hands, more like “Man in the Mirror” while keeping one eye on the white man(R.I.P Michael Jackson)LOL. Maybe I am a product to some degree of my environment and a culmination of my experiences. Either way, I’m not trying to make you wrong. I just tackled something that I see on this blog done alot in post by white men claiming so much attraction to black women but don’t man up. Sharing more info about yourself and your sacrifices creates a better picture of you. You sound like a great man. So, I wish you the best
Peace
Comment by bigeyes31 on 30 October 2009:
Thanks Mr. L. Queens for having my back. I think you like the “heat”, like some people like their food spicy,LOL.
Comment by JustAGuy on 31 October 2009:
Well, we’re all only human after all. I hadn’t read that in your posts (the cynicism) BigEyes, or I would have understood better immediately. And I disagree with some things Mr. L Queens says that caused me to react badly to him at first. But he’s honest enough to state his beliefs, right up front. Disagreeing with him doesn’t make either of us right or wrong, we just have different opinions.
Yet here we are, all people of thought, with our warts and blemishes, trying to make it a better world.
What more can we do than try? Who can claim to be perfect?
Certainly not I.
And I’m writing a book with a black friend of 45 years, and I said in it that it is not “Ebony and Ivory” (Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney) — don’t know if you know that song — but dirty, gritty, and real. We were blessed with unique mothers — who tried to see beyond racial boundaries, so we both had good relationships with each other’s mothers, and were accepted as family. And we both miss each other’s mothers, as both have left this world. After his mom died, being an only child, he had to go up to New York and clean out her apartment. When he was done he came to my house to chill, where he could eat, sleep, drink if he wanted, do whatever he had to do, stay as long as he needed to, because he didn’t have time to grieve while he was taking care of the task at hand. So he was able to start in my home, which he chose over his wife’s. I had known her and him much longer, and am as much or more like family in some ways than his wives. Our friendship has outlasted many lives and many marriages. But still, it is not “singing ‘We are the world’ and holding hands,” as you say, but down and gritty and real. His first wife was white, she died on him, his second wife was black, they had two children and still talk and help each other out, since they have children together. They can even stay in the same house, as friends. Most people can’t even understand their relationship, because they become so bitter over their divorces. And now he’s married to a Mexican woman, and they have a number of children. They lived in the mountains in Mexico for a year, in her family’s home village. So he has seen it all. And I know all his wives (including the dead one, bless her soul). They were together back when society was supposedly changing (the ’60s, the era of peace and love), but it still was really taboo. They’d probably still be together if she hadn’t died. Their love was true and deep, and survived many, many things. Except death.
And my first love, who was black, who came home to meet my mom. Yet her family didn’t like me too much. Her mom was University educated, but believed her daughter should be with an appropriate young up and coming black man. And she went off to another school and met a black man and left me. But it wasn’t racist. She just met someone who was there and she developed greater feelings for. We still communicate to this day — 43 years since we met.
And so it swirls, emotions and perceptions and realities.
One thing I was taught years ago, that I still struggle with, is that feelings ain’t facts.
Another was in what is called “The Rules of Fair Fighting” for couples in therapy. And that is that you can’t talk for the other person, stating that they are saying one thing or another. Where do you go from there? Usually, if you disagree, you are immediately back to fighting. If you agree when you don’t believe it (to try to make peace), you’re not being true to yourself. So you have to talk in terms of how something makes you feel. That is something people can work with. Not being accused, there is no need to be defensive, and one can respond with “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen.” Or “That certainly isn’t what I thought, and I’m sorry you perceived it that way,” or any number of ways.
(You also can’t talk about things that happened in the past that can’t be changed, because it is useless and pointless and goes nowhere. You can only work with what is now and going forward. That seems to be the hardest one for anyone, most of us have such a tendency to say, “You did this or that.” Once again, you either disagree, and you’re back to fighting, or agree to try to make peace, but don’t really feel better. Doesn’t mean you can’t talk about how you feel now, “It’s still hard for me to trust you.” That’s a whole world different than “You cheated on me.” I have friends who went through drug problems and blew all the family money, and the anger issues are much the same as cheating issues. You either work through it or agree you can’t.)
Trust is hard. I understand that. Having been married five times I’ve been hit by a truck before. What am I going to do, let it ruin my life? Conversely, I’ve been horrible at points in my life, and would have ruined any relationship I was in, and did. Especially when I was shooting heroin, smoking crack and drinking — I was a danger to anyone and everyone — family and society. I would have lost any sane person, including my first love, so all that came before could probably never have sustained. No sane human could have waited for me to change, it took too long and would have been to self-destructive.
So we are what we are. I don’t blame you for being cynical BigEyes — there are one million and one good reasons to be. At least you own up to it, that’s more than 99 percent of people do. So you have exceptional self-knowledge.
Me, I’m a fool (as in “fools rush in”). I trust too much too easily. Both have their good qualities (of protection, for cynicism) and bad qualities (danger when you’re too trusting).
Is one better, one worse? I can’t tell. Doubt it.
But speaking for myself, I feel like it’s been a productive dialogue. For what little bit we may have accomplished in our discourse, a drop is better than none, for if it is not brought into the light of day this plague of racism will never go away. It is certainly alive and well.
Bless you both, and anyone else who might have just been reading with amusement.
Comment by JustAGuy on 31 October 2009:
By the way, BigEyes, you should see the woman who just won Latin American Queen 2009. You can find it here:http://www.panama-guide.com/article.php/20091030183115745.
It’s stuff like this that makes my understand well your cynicism for the Latin stereotype. It runs through the Latin “novellas,” the Latin equivalent of American soap operas. All the women are about as close to white as you can be. Most of them, if you saw them on the street, you’d even say they’re white. Of course, some Latins are. But really, these women are not representative of true Latin women, who range from tan to very dark.
Comment by tatted2death on 31 October 2009:
Wonderful dialogue…….thanks for your insight and just your mere presence, JustAGuy…..
Peace and Blessings to All
tatted2death
Comment by bigeyes31 on 31 October 2009:
Justaguy, how are you today? Wow, you have been through some things and probably have more right to cynicism(badly misspelled that too in my first post, lol. Hey, it was 11:54pm!lol)just on G.P. You seem to have kept a positive attitude and good outlook on your life. I have noticed that as we grow older, we start to realize what’s really important in life. I’m hoping that one day my cynicism won’t be important to hold on to anymore.
I would like to read your story. Especially if it as real and gritty as you say. You have lead an interesting and colorful life, so I’m sure the story will be true to life. I wish you much success on that.
I checked out the link,um yeah if I were a latin woman, I would be mad as hell,lol. This is why I live by my OWN standand of beauty and not the media’s. I have seen african women prettier than these,but I know they won’t get the covers on the magazines.
Peace
Comment by SEWilde on 31 October 2009:
Justaguy,
You have certainly lived a full life. Welcome.
SE
Comment by tatted2death on 31 October 2009:
that Latin American Queen winner is really pretty in her own right……why should anyone be mad…seriously??? And their are plenty of African models that get noticed (i.e. Iman….and at her age we should all be proud that she is still doing the dayum thing and looking dayum good whilst doing it)…maybe not at the same rate…but ya know…
At times like these I think of that serenity prayer…
“things that you can”…”can’t change”…”the wisdom to know the difference”
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by JustAGuy on 31 October 2009:
Thanks BigEyes. I’ll let you know if we get the book finished.
Tatted2death, the woman is kind of pretty in her own right. We just think that it’s another form of racism to depict Latin women so light-skinned all the time. They range from pale white to black as night, but you rarely see the darker women represented. I’ve traveled extensively in Latin America, and lived for years in Miami-Dade County, which is over 60% Latin. The women in the Latin beauty pageants and “novellas” are simply not representative, as BigEyes says. It’s stereotyping, that’s all. Or at least that’s what I think…
For an ethnicity that’s filled with native cultures, like the Mayans, the crosses with the Spanish, Portuguese, and Africans. there are a range of beautiful women who are seemingly purposefully excluded. It’s not that we’re mad at her, it’s just what the image — so exclusively done — we don’t think is fair.
It’s like, y’know, they all have “good hair?” Let’s be real, that’s all. Like BigEyes said, they are intentionally leaving out georgeous women of all colors. It’s not the individual event, it’s the trend it represents.
Comment by JustAGuy on 31 October 2009:
Oh — tired afterthought — I believe Imam accomplished a lot. And I bet it was not an easy path for her. And people had to push to make those things happen.
So let’s see a little better representing for the Latin Imams…
Everyone deserves a fair deal, no? At least, that’s what we strive for…
Comment by bigeyes31 on 31 October 2009:
Justaguy that’s exactly what I was saying. I would not want to always see beauty that doesn’t necessarily represent me, if I were an average latin woman/consumer. This is a very large world so why is it so difficult to have balanced representation? I think Iman is absolutely gorgeous. Hey, it doesn’t hurt that she’s married to the legendary, Bowie, lol.
Happy Halloween to all the boils and ghouls(ok it’s corny but I love Halloween,lol)
Comment by Renee on 1 November 2009:
I think this blog is silly and full of a whole bunch of angry black women that have nothing better else to do than complain. Be happy with who you are, because people in general don’t care about what name brand you sport for the day. I personally feel you should talking positive about people, instead you express such jealousy towards other nationalities. That is the reason people just you as, “mad black women” because that is exactly what you are. This blog will never go anywhere except down hill. Hey by the way me and my white boyfriend just had our anniversary and it was wonderful. Good luck to you sad women of the USA.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 1 November 2009:
Thanks Justaguy for “getting it” LOL.
Comment by Renee on 1 November 2009:
Oh by the way if you have thoughts on passing any threats… just know that I have easy access to a background check. There is no need to to respond to my two cents, because really I’m nobody. Good luck to you all that say bad things to others. Karma can follow you for a life time. Remember that other races love people, it is the Black race that passes judgement towards the world. If you smile… I guarantee others will notice. That is what makes me beautiful…
Comment by Azrazyel on 1 November 2009:
Renee, you are one weird character.
Aren’t you the one who said you we’re going to press charges on Mr. Queens?
Is it really the black race that passes judgment towards the world?
No other race does this????
As if the white race has nothing to do with hardship upon blacks to this day? (Although, I don’t condone that as an excuse)
You seem to appear once in a while as if to broadcast yourself, albeit I don’t know to what extent you’re purpose reaches.
Comment by Azrazyel on 1 November 2009:
Comment by Renee:
“Oh by the way if you have thoughts on passing any threats… just know that I have easy access to a background check.”
And this statement is already an epic fail of mass proportions.
You state against threats, then threaten with a background check.
Yea, as if to be taken seriously.
It is better to confess ignorance than provide it.
Comment by Renee on 1 November 2009:
Don’t make false statements, because you are not happy with yourself. Thank you for the compliment… It makes feel so happy. The only thing I have in common with black people is the color of my skin. It is amazing how your so quick to tell a lie. Is that what teach you in the ghetto? Please don’t get yourself so worked up over little things. I’m still laughing. Lets just say goodbye and end it here, you really are wasting your time. I guess I have started up some angry black people.
Comment by Azrazyel on 1 November 2009:
Renee:
Why do you presume so much?
Why do you think I am black? Because I argue with you?
Let you know, I am as white as powder.
Scroll up to the middle of the page somewhere and find out yourself.
And I know you want attention so I will leave it as is.
Comment by Renee on 1 November 2009:
I think I better like get away from here. You people are really just a bunch of angry and jealous… You have nothing better else to do than to make people miserable like yourself. The same people talking the same sad story and man did I make a mistake coming here. I just don’t understand all the anger and fussing, but it makes me laugh. Maybe you should go see that movie, “weave” latch some fake hair on and hope that the glue or thread doesn’t come out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now you can get pissed off. Matter of fact I spotted some weaves on this blog. Go Chris Rock
Comment by Azrazyel on 1 November 2009:
Thank you. Glad to see you go.
Now this blog is back in order without occasional trolls.
Anyway…
Comment by TricciNicci on 1 November 2009:
Renee, Renee, Renee…tsk, tsk! Don’t you know when you write such things - Justifications for being you - you simply are expressing your deep disdain for who you really are? You’ve basically faked it so you could make it. The shame is, you probably could have made it anyway, lol! Now I am not laughing at you, but with you because hopefully one day you will look in the mirror and just love yourself for you and only you.
You have a pandemic spirit because you feel every white person who looks your way sees nothing but other people of color who you feel “Steal your thunder”. So you go out of your way to “show just how different you are”. And since you feel most whites don’t accept blacks you perpetrate an “exclusive members only” interaction by constantly reminding them and yourself just how “unblack” you are. To amplify this as a solution you perpetrate that every person of African decent who does not modify to your standard is beneath acceptance by other HUMAN BEINGS. Especially the “white” ones since you obviously own the bank on that one.
The sad thing is you probably miss the culturalism and spirit of your ethnicity, but again the disdain and apathy you feel whenever interacting with other blacks who are not aloof provokes a stereotypical mentality to conjure up in your brain like witch’s brew rising.
Come on Renee, where is your humanity to interact by EXAMPLE??? You talk a small self victory that is as minute as an ant’s piss, but to what effect? It is almost like watching the clown at the side show laughing at himself, wth? Again, where is your humanity since you are saddened by your association to this blog?
You state you don’t understand the anger and fussing, but instead of letting this small ray of humanity cause you to ask questions or give an outlook you may possess to permit another angle to view life through, you simply state it becomes fodder for your chuckling times. Hmmmm, my wise mother said there is always more than one way to skin a cat. If you want change, bring it through yourself. As you will get little of merit telling others they need to change as where is yours?
Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell, Oprah, Brittney Spears, Carmen Electra, Jennifer Lopez and probably your next door neighbor all wear weaves. My own sister whose hair is down her back wore them for years. I have never worn a weave and can’t even perm my hair, but love wigs. Another sister of mine started this trend because she was able to get her very thick, curly and long mane under a short version. Once I saw she could do this I let my own very thick and shoulder length hair rest beneath a few. My point being is that you are really the one making the fuss because others are having dialogue.
Why not be positive by adding positive? You are accusing them for putting forth the effort to have discourse but really are kicking them. Why? Sounds like someone is angry she cannot change the unchangeable and is taking it out on a group of people you feel is responsible. This demeanor is not true, real or effective. God made you who you are so live that beauty through him and not cause injury to those you feel are less fortunate.
I CAN say this in comparison of you vs the other bloggers: they are getting further in their self understanding and acceptance of not only others but of themselves, choices they make and support received than someone who actually wants to join in, create a positive dialogue - yet - doesn’t know how. This response is not written to “put you down” but in effort you might have opportunity to build yourself up. Through such a process you never know, it just may help someone else.
To start, I’d love you to share the beauty of your vacation or special time for your anniversary WITHOUT negative comparisons. Just the simple beauty you saw in what you experienced. No one can take that away from you. I for one would be inspired.
Comment by MOONDOGGIE on 1 November 2009:
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY,im white.I left my wife for a blackwomen,no regrets.have no family now ,only what we have for each other.sure people talk. but who cares when your with the one u love. We have r ups and downs just like many of u do.We DON’T see color. WE see love,.happynes, in our life and no one can tell us were wrong.been with each other for 5 years now.She treats me like gold,and the same for her.WE ARE ONE,NOT BLACK OR WHITE,OR ANYOTHER COLOR.
I hope someday we all could live with each other with out color .thank you. my first time on here.
Comment by JustAGuy on 1 November 2009:
Jeez, I sleep a little late and look at all I miss.
Well, Renee, from yet another white guy, who doesn’t have enough hair to tie a weave to, even if I wanted to, which I never have…
As the saying goes…
Don’t let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you.
It is a little spot of hope in this world that so many of you commented so rationally to this guy’s outrage. Alas, there will always be people like him.
And is he paranoid or what? Who’d want to take their valuable time to go looking for him? Just another thing he presumes.
I’ve grown quite fond of most of the people who post here. I guess it’s a shared vision that one day, some day, we could live in a wold beyond all this stuff.
God bless you all and peace to all. May we all make it through another day safely.
Comment by ichibod on 1 November 2009:
WOW! The first “Triccinicci” post I felt compelled to read all the way through. That was excellent. She said everything many of us tried to explain to Renee months ago in a awesome way. Besides, her boyfriend told her to stay off of this site. Why did she come back?
Comment by TricciNicci on 1 November 2009:
Thanks Ichibod, I’m just a humble writer…(ok, ok, sometimes not so humble, lol!) but default to such declaration when I can, haha!
JustAGuy, please be patient with the dear Renee. RE: I saw something magical happen on another thread here just a few days back…sometimes all it takes is ooooone person who for no other reason than air being breathed, makes that connection. Then, ‘poof’! The understanding comes.
JustAGuy, this is off topic, but I’ve been reading your posts and find them quite interesting. Years ago I joined the Census as a enumerator. Most of the people I visited would have missed the Census because of language, age or something like that. Distrust of the government was a big one, lol! The job was a little tedious but helped me pay for school as it payed quite well.
One thing I learned and enjoyed about the job were the stories told me by various participants in that knock-a-door experience. Another thing I enjoyed greatly was the mixed culture one would see going into the private environments of many of the households. Your recollections remind me of then.
The experience permitted me to deepen my understanding in the way I learned so much about people and how we actually live! More than just time passing and days spent. The grittiness of what makes many of us reach for the next day and live through the lonelier ones because of yesteryear’s follies and joys! It takes a little livin’ JustAGuy to reach that pendulumed experience, but the telling of it can enrich the lives of many. Thanks.
Comment by JustAGuy on 1 November 2009:
Tricci,
You’re right about patience. I plead that I just woke up :). But you are absolutely correct.
Thanks for the other comment. I too am a writer. Unfortunately, mostly just advertising. But it pays the bills and supports a lot of people. One day I hope to accomplish something more meaningful… most of my family have been politically inclined writers or two sisters who are legal scholars, who concentrate mostly on causes of social justice… although paying the bills and supporting my many families and kids — especially those of deadbeat dads (is there no end to them? And no color wins on that, either) — is in itself worthy, I suppose…
Be well…
Comment by bigeyes31 on 1 November 2009:
TricciNicci you are just eloquent. Justaguy, I know I was wrong about you. Az and Ich you guys are great.
Eventhough you guys’ responses were fantastic and should be the end of it but I can’t resist turning over some chairs in the interrogation room while playing the “bad cop” in the “good cop, bad cop” scenario. You guys of course are the “good cops”,LoL.
Renee
I knew as soon as I started questioning white men on their lack of commitment to black women that it would act as a sort of litmus test. I knew the type black women or women in general that I spoke of in my previous post would come out of the woodwork.
Renee you have personified BLUE results for the litmus test; you are truly BASE, LOL.
Sleeping with a man for a set amount of days, i.e., YOUR anniversary doesn’t constitute bragging rights. I noticed that it’s not a WEDDING anniversary. Screwing under the same roof isn’t a commitment. Come back and brag when you get your white BOYFRIEND to become your white HUSBAND, LOL. Come back when he commits to you, places you in his will and takes out a decent life-insurance policy because he’s thinking of you even in the event of his death, that’s love and commitment. Not a roll in the hay and a few dinners to celebrate the first day he started using you. You are temporary.
Ohhh so, you are one THOSE kinds of women. I would rather be alone until a hundred before I compromise my body, my beliefs or my spirit just so I can say I have someone, LOL. You must not know about me. Ironically, because I carry myself a certain way, THIS way, I’m never alone for long. I attract men because I have worth and carry myself as such( I know you don’t understand because you have never done it, LOL), it’s attractive believe it or not. Don’t let this post make you mad enough to start questioning your white boyfriend about a marriage time-table, because YOU know like I KNOW he will run FROM you, like a hobo running TO a freight train. Now I’M still laughing.
Since you BEGGED ME for a response, lol.
Comment by JustAGuy on 1 November 2009:
Ah, I’m supposed to be finishing a project but some of you “guys” (now am I sexist?) just make me want to chime in.
BigEyes, I like your talk about commitment. It brings to mind something a little off topic, but relevant to commitment and race.
My white sister adopted a black daughter (at birth). The only time anyone in our circles (family or freinds) questioned her about the adoption was when someone asked “Why now?” when her white sons were almost grown. “I never had my little girl” was her reply. She adopted a black child not out of any white guilt (which, I know, is another issue…sigh…) or any of that bull, she adopted the the most needy.
Now if you think marriage is a commitment, how about choosing your child? It’s easy to get divorced, as we can see. But it’s a lot harder to give back your child (her white husband got canned during the period…unrelated to my niece…).
It’s something she’s seen all the way through, from premature birth to a full grown woman. She used to laugh about how black women would think nothing of coming up to her in public and telling her what she needed to do about my niece’s hair or skin. But she never got a negative comment, and she took all the unsolicited advice as being well-intentioned, so it was never a big deal.
And of course, one day in her teenage years, as identity questions and hormones flew around, she yelled at my sister, “You’re not even my mother — you’re not even the same color!” And my sister said, lovingly, “Honey, I’m the only mother you’ve got.”
They’ve traveled all over the earth together, and my niece now has a son (so my sister is a grandmother many times over). But she’s been part of the family for twenty years now.
One of my cousins also married a black woman. After he had a son with his first white wife, his next two loves were black, something I heard comments about. But the last one had five children, and my white cousin took them as his own. Then they had a child together, a “mulatto” girl, who didn’t take the color from her dark mother or light father, but was rather the light brown shade exactly in between. Again, he has seen this commitment through to where now all the children are grown, and they are still together. One day he and I took all his kids to a hoighty toighty park in the Oakland hills. His white son was off with his ex, so he only had his dark children with him. Did we get funny looks as all the kids, mostly very dark, called him dad, and me uncle I think, yet our colors were so far apart.
But I’m proud of my family for the way we’ve llved our lives. It’s hard to get beyond color in this world. Even now, in huge sections of the world’s population other than the U.S., color is a big issue. Any little thing we all accomplish to make change is another grain on the positive side of the balance scales…
Comment by godiva61 on 1 November 2009:
bigeyes31,
My dear Natalie, after that ‘closing argument’ to Renee, you should have said ‘the prosecution rest’!
Get your butt in Law School!
love
godiva
Comment by TricciNicci on 1 November 2009:
Oooohho, JustAGuy, I’ve got one as such! My eldest sister is very dark and her first husband was very fair. He hailed from New York where one often sees a vast mix and array of our Melting Pot experience. Now you know geneticist and scientist claim you cannot get lighter from dark no matter the shade. My sister and her husband produced my niece who is paler than her father and causes my sister the social presumption that the child (now fully grown) is of Caucasian paternity.
My mother and father produced the same in their bloodline with my youngest sister. As well, did my grandparents who produced a daughter so fair she looked not of the two of them, or even by way of one of them, lol! She is completely fair with hair straighter than Native American and just as long. Both her parents were deep toned. I met her as a child when she came for a visit and never forgot her astonishing beauty.
I find the rainbow a beautiful place to be in experiencing the beauty of color, not the vanquishing of it from our desirously bland society. The joy your family brings to the meaning of the word itself should invite celebration when in public. I’m sure it does because your family only attracts such energy and that is its common ground.
Comment by TricciNicci on 1 November 2009:
Bigeyes,
I did not overlook your compliment. I wanted to thank you and let you know you surprised me with your ability to pluck the meat from the bone with definition, aptitude and ability. Excellent work in presenting your argument! You brought your intellect full circle when you were able to gain insight by way of comprehension in the counter argument.
Your position, words, tact helped to open others eyes and contribute insightful clarification we all could absorb and ponder. That is what kept this intellectual and not circumstantial. I look forward to hearing more on your opinions concerning colorism. Keep up the excellent dialogue!
Comment by JustAGuy on 1 November 2009:
Tricci,
You’re so right. And I’ve seen it proven again and again.
Once, when they’d thrown my behind out of New York City for misbehaving (a lifelong fault, I’m afraid), I was at a prep school in Massachusetts, trying to get saved from the streets of New York.
Anyway, there was a guy there who looked basically white — only the slightest of tan and very straight hair. And he dressed preppy. Everyone assumed he was white.
Turned out his father and grandfather were famous, very black musicians. And his mother was white. One day a black guy from the Bronx was talking some typical juvenile smack about “Y’all white people…” and my friend stopped and said, “Now I know you’re not talking about me, ’cause my father’s blacker than yours!”
And it was true.
People are so funny. But I agree with you. Geneticists can show us studies, but apparently we can show you PEOPLE.
Comment by TricciNicci on 1 November 2009:
You get a high five for that one JustAGuy! I like it, I like it!
Comment by bigeyes31 on 2 November 2009:
JustaGuy I wanted to tell you that do know the song,”Ebony and Ivory”. I know it was a few posts ago but wanted you to know.
Thank you Ms.Godiva!You are wonderful! Love Ya.
TricciNicci, I appreciate your intellectual interpretation, thank you.
Peace
Comment by Scoff/Sarah on 21 November 2009:
A very unpleasant lunch,
Recently I had lunch with a very dear friend and her grand daughter, I think the grand daughter must be around 21 plus years old.
As we sat in Olive Gardens, enjoying our meal, and just catching up on family and friends, a very handsome black man came in with a beautiful white woman. My friend and I glanced up and continued our lunch and conversation; not really concerned about the other patrons in the area, black, white or what ever.
Looking over at Dawn the grand daughter I noticed she was staring a hole through the mixed couple, thinking something was wrong, I asked if something was wrong, with her food.
Dawn snapped back in a very sharp tone, the food is okay, but that s—, really p—– me off. The comment startled both of us. We continued to finish eating in silence, not really wanting to have our conversation go in that direction. Dawn then began a rather vicous dialogue laced with strong four letter adjectives about how these worthless white women and chicken —- black men are degrading the Black Race. Trying to bring a more calm tone to the conversation I mentioned that they may work togeather, or are friends, or maybe they are in a mutual love type relationship.
To shorten the post, I learned that there some Black women who hate inter racial relationships.
Feel a strong betrayal when a black man dates outside his race. Then she got on the subject of having to deal with bi-racial people, first the ones with straight hair, the lighter skin color, some now deny being black and refer to their selves as bi-racial, on and on she went.
The tirade literally left me speechless, as I’m not use to such foul words. Later as I thought about whole affair, I was shocked abit to learn that such hate exist among a segment of our black community, when it comes to inter racial relationships.
I casually asked how she felt about a black woman dating a white man, Oh My Gosh, again she let loose with some adjectives, that would make a sailor blush.
So I must say dispite being 60 plus I learn something new every day. But this did have a humorous ending, in walks a white man, walks upto the table, shakes the black man’s hand leans over kisses the woman, obiviously they were the couple,so all the vile emotions was a waste. LOLO
My friend and I both laughed and kinda teased Dawn for jumping to a unwarranted conclusion.
Just sharing one of my learning moments.
Love to all
Sarah
Comment by SEWilde on 21 November 2009:
Miss Sarah, I am glad to see you! As I take few trips through this neighborhood anymore, it is nice to see you still out here.
I am amazed at how much hatred there is on both sides. The funny part of that whole thing is that, things are not always as they seem, and so what if they are? What if they were an interracial couple? So what? I guess the more things change, the more things stay the same.
I hope you and Scoff are still an item. The thought of you two together, makes me smile.
Take care of each other, I would hope to speak to you in the future.
SE
Comment by Scoff/Sarah on 23 November 2009:
Ms. SE
Like yourself I don’t visit the neigborhood that often, but still enjoy reading the recent posts, adding that I learn more on each visit.
Being a black woman, I’ve dated mostly black men my entire life, even after my late husband passed away I dated only black men. I must say all were of the utmost character, and good hard working honest men.
How I ended up with a white man, seems to be just a natural event. True Scoff and I go back to our teens, we do admit that we were each others first love. Neather of us set out to fall back in love or even ever see each other again, and believe me we didn’t just jump back into a hot and heavy relationship.
I guess the point I would like to make I really can’t understand a black woman who only dates white men. I know I’m very happy and content right now, as my man makes me feel good, and truly respects me. So my black sisters, find the right man for you, if he is black so be it, if he is white so be it. One thing I promised myself that I will not accept anything less than the best just so I could be with a man, white or black.
Okay just and old woman rambling on this morning,
time to go lots to do deliver baskets for those less blessed than the rest of us. Then over to Scoff’s we have to visit some old WW II vets today.
Ms. SE Oh before I forget I would love for you to think about writing about the German POW and a black woman, remember me telling you about some sort of relationship between the two of them, their is some truth to it. If our research holds true, I’ll give you an update. Strange things happen when you listen to some of these (real old timers) lolo
Love to all
Sarah
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 23 November 2009:
I like Scoff and Sara’s story
I live in town full of veterans. I find it disturbing some commentators have this “the white people” are to blame for everything.
I maybe disagree on interracial dating but I harbor no ill will towards white people.
It is funny for me because I live in a small town in Pennsylvania (mostly working class whites). I come straight from the hoods of New York City. I am simply amazed how things are different here in a small white town.
Currently, I work in a small elementary school with all white kids (started today). Relatively easy job keeping my client on track. It shocks me how much resources go into white elementary schools compared to black schools. I was like, I can’t remember all this shit when I went to Elementary school. These kids got a computer, snacks, playground next to the classroom. Nice desks and chairs. PARENTS actually in the classroom just relaxing.
“I scratched my head like”, something is wrong with the black community because elementary school felt like a mini prison to me growing up.
It is a damn shame to be honest with you. Another thing that surprised me. The kids I met this morning never mention race or anything. At first, I was like oh boy a black man in a class full of white kids and Asian kids. I was taken aback how fast kids adapt to new people. Some little girl named “Evelyn” was like “Mr Andrew” you like my picture. I was like “yea yea”. The questions never stopped. I was like ask “Jayden”, that’s “my client”.
I fit in right away. I really can’t complain. Both of my careers are taking off. I work two jobs.
If my friends from New York City saw me now they would laugh. They would be like, how the fuck you end up teaching a white kid in an elementary school full of “old white trash folks” homey?
Oh yea, the Mormons came by. We have been talking for weeks now. I think they like listening to me, more than I do them.
I am quite a charming man.
Oh yea there is a biracial little girl in class. She is the only one and guess who she hangs out with? Yea “Evelyn”, the one that yaks to me all day. The Asian little girl yaks to me too.
Good day. LOL
Comment by SEWilde on 24 November 2009:
Scoff/Sarah,
Miss Sarah, I do remember the story you and Scoff were going to research about the black woman and the German. It really sounds like an interesting story, and I would be curious to hear the details.
I have a million questions about a coupling of that kind, especially from a historical perspective. One thing I know for sure, this is definitely not the forum for that kind of IR speculation. Of course, this is a free country, and you are free to post what you like, where you would like to post it.
I would suggest you visit me at FlamesofPassion@ymail.com (or not) and if you would like to see excerpts of “Flames of Passion” before its release next month, you are welcomed to go to http://www.amberswann.com to see what the book looks like.
Since I seldom get over this way, if I miss your future posts, I hope you and yours, have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving Day.
I wish you and Scoff, and everyone on this site, peace and happiness.
With much love and respect, always…
SE
Comment by Scoff/Sarah on 24 November 2009:
Ms. SE
Thank you so much for the sites you mentioned, go Sister you are so beautiful, and your book is going to be success. True this is not the site for the research thing. Scoff said to tell you are one classy looking lady, he said if he was young hmmm lolol.
Mr. Queens
Super good job be a positive role model, go to it your the type man we need to help our childern, (black or white). I know you still love us lolo.
Bless all
Sarah
Comment by Richard on 25 November 2009:
This is a tough one. I found this website through Google, just messing around one night and decided to read all the comments.
First of all, a little background on me. I am a 40yo athletic white guy with blond hair and blue eyes. I am told by many that I am above average in looks, some girls have said movie star good looking, but I really don’t think so. I think I am just average. Professional, have good career, 6 figures, etc…
The crazy part about this is that I have always been attracted to black women. No kidding. I don’t know how or why, but it started in the 5th or 6th grade. My school was mixed so I had plenty different types to choose from, but in the back of my mind it was always the black girls. And not even the really dark girls, but mixed girls, light skin, any combination. White girls to me were just ho hum.
Now don’t get me wrong, I like ALL women. And I can appreciate the female form no matter the color, nationality, language, age, etc… But there is something, and always has been from as far back as I can remember, that turns me on about strong soul sista. (sic)
Reading through all the comments (only the last 200 or so) I found some dreadfully petty arguments from the pro and con responders. I also found it appalling some of responses posted by black women about things said to them by the black curious white guys. I also never knew black guys were pissed about BW dating white guys. WTF? I guess there are going to be haters everywhere and that is just a part of life.
And by that logic there is probably some group out there somewhere dedicated to the hatred of Transsexual/Transvestite women stealing all the good available men of the world! (You know they are!! hehehe)
Now before you get some pre-conceived notion that I am some kind of “Malibu’s Most Wanted” white guy trying to be black, all I can say is ‘please’. I am just me. Articulate speaking, and the way my black friends describe me is “free thinking”. Black culture is just that, black culture. Me personally, I am just your average white guy who likes to play golf, sing, play guitar, and surf.
I can now see why gay people say they were born gay. For me, there was no cataclysmic event that signaled my attraction for black females. No super hot teacher or neighbor, or babysitter, or whatever; the attraction was always just there. And I don’t know why.
My dad told me when I was 16 if I ever brought home a (insert N word here) he “just couldn’t take it”. Well, even though I was young and never heard that before my response was, ‘Dad I don’t care if the person I find is purple and from Mars. I just want a girl that is going to treat me right’. After that he seemed to be on a quest for me to marry any blond haired big boobed white girl he could find.
I have dated plenty of black girls in my time, but for some reason things just never took with any of them. My only home is that someday I can find a funny, sophisticated, intelligent and accomplished woman who wants to be with me as much I want to be with her. Oh yea, and it would be extra wonderful if she was black and hot! For now I will just have to wait and dream.
Comment by Scoff/Sarah on 28 November 2009:
Home @ last, got in late last night, I must say visiting the family can wear one out. Always good to get home.
Just a short note to say hello to all my friends, Ms. SE Wilde, Scoff said he viewed your profile on another site, I looked it up also, and you are truely awesome. GoDiva how are things going, I hope you don’t work yourself to death, take a moment for yourself.
Well I finally made the plunge and informed my daughters I have a BF, of course this brought an onslaught of questions. Who is it, how did I meet him, whats he look like, how long have I known him.
Of course the big one when will we meet him.
During the whole question and answer session, they never thought to ask if he was white/black.
For now I think I’ll just let them get use to this part of my life, before I drop the big bomb that he’s white or Greek. Actually he darker than my daughters, if it wasn’t for the blue eyes you would think he was Hispanic.
Any way my dear friends a little advice on how to handle this one.
Shoppping today UGH, then the Florida/Florida State game at Scoff’s.
Love all of you
Sarah
Comment by Amy on 1 December 2009:
In response to comments about why a black woman wouldn’t be attractive to a black man; I’ll tell you why from my perspective.
As a biracial woman(black/white)there are some black men whom I find attractive physically but the attitude and the “I’m a poor black man mentality” is a turn off for me. Every conversation is about race, going out on a date it has to be a black movie or a black restaurant. Give me a break!! In this day and age a man with ambition and motivation can be anything he desires.
If I were not in the great relationship I’m in with a white man; I would simply stay single before I would ever date a black man.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 1 December 2009:
I leave for a minute and these ashy booty sellout black women rambling on about black men.
I wouldn’t take you anywhere with your bad attitude. The white man doesn’t exactly take you to a 5 star restaurant but you are complaining about us. You are at the drive thru at Mcdonalds but your bragging your white man take you to upscale functions. Stop lying to everyone here.
The only place the white man takes you is to his apartment and his bedroom. Your so stupid you think walking your little dog with him in the park is “taking you somewhere”.
Sellout black women are increasingly pathetic everyday.
Ask them the last fancy place they have been taken to by white men or even black men. They will scratch their weave and say ” Olive Garden”.
You stupid slut Olive Garden is not an upscale restaurant.
You manage to run your mouth off about black men. You haven’t mentioned one thing your white man does. Other than just exist and breathe.
You gullible slut.
You got a white guy on the board calling you a “soul sista”. WTF, is a “soul sista”.
Is that a black woman with swollen ankles that makes soul food? They should kick you in the back of the head for a statement like that.
Jesus, I just feel sorry for black women at this point. It is like picking on the handicap or a retarded child. If they don’t got a strange white man calling them “soul sista”, they got the balding white men that just got divorced wanting to be with them. He goes ” I always wanted a black woman but you know the white wife thing was in the way”. Gullible black woman believes this shit.
Black women need to stand up and stop being the recipient of left over white men with fetishes.
That is why most sellout black women say they have a white man but they never tell you about him. They are embarrassed and desperate. They keep saying “he got a job”.
AND, is that it? Do you love him? Don’t answer that because I will keep calling you a stupid desperate slut.
http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
Look for that ” I am on Fire” post off the Mac and Cheese blog album.
I am also working on the “The White Man Bailout Part 5, Benefits have run out”.
You have a nice day
Comment by Sunjammer on 2 December 2009:
Mr Laurelton Queens makes the lady’s point for her. What an ignoramos. And please, the term “The White Man” went out with Malcom X.
Comment by Scoff/Sarah on 2 December 2009:
WOW!!!!!!
OM-gosh I find it hard to relate to the Black Lady who has such a negative opinion of Black Men. Sometimes a person needs to look where their at on the Social Pecking order, well maybe change the social bubble their living in. Sure I’m currently dating a white man, adding to be perfectly honest I had plenty of choices black, white, hispanic, black hispanic, oh I could go on and on. Why did I choose to be with a white man @ my age 60, I found the one I had the most in common with, same interest, respect, just a good package for me. Plus sure we had a history, just another point we had in common, we often sit around disscussing the old days, compare notes so to speak, laugh at ourselves, laugh at others. One thing that both of have in common we accept the person for who they are not the color of their skin, as I first mentioned very early in one my post character is what counts.
Emotions like anger tear the life out of a person, put it aside, be open, your prince is out their, look every where white black or any shade between.
Oh no another long babble from a seasoned citizen.
to all my love and blessings
Sarah
I got a another neat story to relate when I get the time. White family that had extreme hate for blacks,
Grand daughter marries a black man, some days I just have to laugh at some of these old die hards.
Comment by blahblahblah726 on 3 December 2009:
hmmmmm racist or preference? my question is, in the end, is there a difference?
i think the essence of racism all along has been a person, for whatever reason, believing one race’s members where superior or inferior compared to other races. i think we can all agree thats wrong and that each person should be judged on their own merits and personality, right?
easy enough for most to accept at the workplace, at play, church, etc. but when it comes home, it gets really personal then. inside the 4 walls of our castle, some people drop that sentiment and say things like, “i won’t date this individual or that individual because of there race”. for whatever reason, they choose not to look at the individual, but the “packaging”, the person’s race. the essence of racism has reared its head once again, but we so eloquently mask it by calling it “preference” when we discuss it. however, is you agree with what i stated the essence of racism is, you can see how that “preference” is just that. racism.
i for one am open to all ethnicities. I think its fair to say i may find more women of one race physically attractive than another race, but i don’t “prefer” to seek out one over the other. i’ve met “hotties and notties” in all different colors. i don’t let the wrapping dictate which presents i open…
besides, without dating every single woman of a certain race, how can i logically say anything generalizing about that race or its women? “white women this”, “black women that”, “black men this”. i can’t say it unless i’ve experienced it. to include the opinions of my circle of influence still isn’t enough to make generalizing decisions about a race’s opposite sex.
Comment by Scoff/Sarah on 3 December 2009:
Okay Ms. Amy, you made your choice,as I have made mine. True I’m invovled with a white man, but it is because of his character not the color of his skin. To know that some one makes a choice first on the color of a person’s skin, is related to the dark segerated past. There are good men black or white, and worthless men in any race. Wake up Sister, your limiting your self, and setting your life on one limited parameter, white first.
Just another 2 cents worth from my thoughts.
Love Sarah
Comment by osunbaby on 3 December 2009:
“Once they took the black man- they took the strength of the black family. ”
Once they DIVIDED the black man and woman they took the strength of the black family.
This is how that sentence should read. A family’s strength is the balance between both parents and their collective values…
Comment by Richard on 6 December 2009:
You got a white guy on the board calling you a “soul sista”. WTF, is a “soul sista”.
Hahaha, well, it did not occur to me that people would not get the reference. The line is from a song called “Super Soul Sis” on the Regulators album by Warren G. I think the lady singing was “Jah Skillz” or something like that.
I know, I know, an old album reference but I liked the song so I used it.
I really don’t care for all the negative comments and backlash about racism. I do agree with blahblahblah726 views that a person should be judged on their inner personality and not their outside looks. Any other way to look at it and you are selling yourself short.
Sorry there Mr. Queens, didn’t know there was so much hatred out there. Is this the way most black guys feel? Or is this a thing from your neighborhood? If it is then pretty much all my really good black guy friends keep quiet about it when we talk about women and what we look for in a women.
Hmmm, now you got me wondering…
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 6 December 2009:
Dear Richard
I thought the “Soul sista” comment was funny lol.
Yea the hatred goes overboard. I don’t hate anybody.
Once white men starting dating “Precious” from the movie.
I might get a bit worried.
Comment by Richard on 8 December 2009:
Once white men starting dating “Precious” from the movie.
I might get a bit worried.
HAhahah! OK that was some funny shit, made me laugh today Mr. Queens.
thanks much.
Comment by Africa on 8 December 2009:
Black people think everything has to be explained to them…Explain why you are so racist? Why can’t you have a conversation with a blonde chick that may have a rich dad? This doesn’t make her different. You are so much better than everyone else with your weaves and nappy braids… Get a life and fuckin stop hating on interracial couples. Your so angry that you made a site to bash happy people. Everybody who is not fuckin mad about nappy hair don’t respond to the hate… Ignorance will bring you down.
Comment by Trinity on 9 December 2009:
From time to time I like to browse these BF/WM boards/topics to see how people are reacting to freedom of choice. This one doesn’t disappoint! There are some characters here. LOL
I don’t have a clear preference for a phenotype (there’s no such thing as race biologically speaking). I gravitate to men I’m attracted to and I respond to men who are attracted to me and treat me well. I haven’t met enough men to say that I’m ONLY attracted to X or NEVER attracted to Y when it comes to phenotype. It is a fact that I have the opportunity to date more white men because of where I spend most of my time (work) and where I live (not in a majority black area).
I’ve dated a few white guys but until my current boyfriend my serious relationships were with black men. He is white British (I’m black American) and our biggest challenge is the UK-US difference, not the melanin difference. We’ll likely always have to deal with “racial” issues because the world can be a racist place, but there’s too much love between us to let the world dictate how happy we’re allowed to be together. Besides, in the UK, where I’ll be living, couples like us are far more common than they are in the states.
People need to get over this “scarcity” mentality. There are over 6 billion people on the planet, and most of us manage to find more than one suitable partner in our lifetimes (whether we screw things up with them is another story). I didn’t take someone’s white man and he didn’t take someone’s black woman. We simply found each other - what could be more natural? The way I see it, the entire straight, single male population of the earth comprise my dating pool, and what matters most are the qualities and behaviors of the men to whom I am attracted, not their color or ethnicity. If a man is attracted to me as I am, respects my humanity and individuality and treats me with honor, and I feel the same way about him, only good can come of that combination no matter what it looks like physically.
I don’t concern myself with disapproval about the man I choose to date and will likely marry. My only responsibility in this life is to take care of myself. I’m not responsible for someone else’s hurt feelings, anger, disappointment, elation, pride or judgment about my relationship. If seeing me happy with my man elicits negative feelings for you, that’s too bad…for you. Ain’t no self-hatred, slavemaster rape, golddigging, racial sex touring, hiding or use and abuse going on here, so take that nonsense elsewhere.
Not all black women are simply reacting to hurt feelings as they learn to explore their dating options with white men, but many are. I don’t think you should date anyone because you’re avoiding someone else. Having said that, we seem to learn more about what we want from having experienced what we do not want. There’s a difference between a person who is honestly branching out to something new and someone who is running away from something after a bad experience. Those women bring their negativity with them, and all it takes is one heartbreak from a white guy and then they move on to the next racial promised land….Asians, Latinos, whoever.
The only thing I will say is that it’s imperative for all black women to demand stable, loving, non-violent and respectful relationships with men, be they black, white or green, and leave the ones who can’t provide that kind of relationship alone. It’s a myth that a woman with high standards eventually has to settle for less. Settling for less is why so many black women end up in bad situations. This is a true statement for all women, but this thread is about black women in particular.
Comment by scoff/sarah on 9 December 2009:
Excellent post, very well spoken, Thank You
Scoff
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 9 December 2009:
Dear Trinty
What is wrong with a majority black neighborhood? This is the problem with you sellout black women. You try to put yourselves on a pedestal above ‘other classes of women”.
It takes more than a fancy job and education to have a good man. That is why so many sellout black women fail. They never point the finger at themselves for relationships failing.
The emasculated white man is to busy trying to kiss your ashy toes instead of stating the truth. AZ has been one of the few white guys that tells the truth. He simply says he doesn’t want to be a second option to black women or “an emergency man” when you can’t find a good black man like myself.
You mention you are on responsible for yourself. But you look a white man bailout stimulus package on E Harmon and all these other websites. White men just overlook your profile and don’t even have you in their favorite folder unless you are biracial and damn near look like Halle Berry.
Black women end up in bad situation because of THEIR bad choices.
Now the chickens are coming home to roost for all you women including the white women. Yea white women dissing their white men to get with black men. You fraudulent hos only want black men with money!
I always told people when the good “black men” turn on you, the end is coming.
Look for the “TIGER WOODS STORY” THE PREQUEL.. OFF THE MAN ON FIRE BLOG ALBUM.
These women ignored Tiger Woods when he was playing golf. They said he was a nerd and etc. Now that he is on top. They crying and snitching. He told you he had a wife stupid bitch but you wanted more.
If he was just a nerdy caddy carrying the bag for the white man. You wouldn’t give a shit about him!
You raggedy bitches are going to pay the price!
MY press conference would have went like this.
“Yea I fucked those bitches”. I got the money so I call the shots! Now back to your regular scheduled program!
These women create the monster and then wonder why the monster turns on them!
God bless Tiger Woods.
Please forgive me for the new album. I called it “Man on Fire” for a reason. I ain’t playing games with these women anymore.
Thank you to all my fans. I am gone.
http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 9 December 2009:
Please forgive me for my writing mistakes.
I am mad as hell! Come 2010, I won’t be holding back anymore on these women.
After this Tiger Woods situation. These mistresses trying to bring a man down just for a couple dollars.
Ho I know you are struggling. But don’t be mad when the wrath come back to you.
You wasn’t just spreading your legs to “Tiger Woods”. But you are telling the media he used you.
You just getting away with that because you think Tiger Woods is “soft”.
Man look for the Tiger Woods Story The Prequel. They want to control successful black men.
But you won’t control shit!
Comment by Africa on 9 December 2009:
People should allow interracial couples to enjoy life and not dog them for being in love. Black women should not focus on the third sentence, but focus on the first statement which states the facts…When it comes to be racist…Black women are among the top. Living in the past and not dealing with the present is what makes you angry. Stop thinking so hard on slaves and rejoice for 2010. We have a Black President…and there are a lot of wealthy Black people in society. We are not here to bow down to you and nobody owes you anything. Value your life for a positive today. Get off the CREAMY CRACK.
Comment by Africa on 9 December 2009:
Ms. Laurelton Queens. You appear to be a very angry Black woman…if I was a man, oh god I would be terrified of you. Do you get out much? Maybe skiing the slopes. Oh yea my boyfriend is BLACK and my dad just hired him on to the firm. My parents bought us a 2010 Lexus, because they like him. He dropped out of school in the 11th grade and can hussle a dollar. Real women work on being sexy and sweet. Maybe a little role play 4 times a week. He says I’m exciting and this is what Black women lack…letting your hair go and not playing dress up. I fullfil his fantacy’s and we have traveled three times this year. I’m in school (full time) whatever… My parents want me to be a PH.D. Thats like the cost of bleaching my hair at $300.00 bucks every two weeks. Really Black guys are HOT and I have video to prove it. Do you really live in a ghetto? How can people live in small places…my bedroom alone is over 1,000 square feet. Can you send me photos of poverty? That could be my Final’s paper.
Comment by Azrazyel on 9 December 2009:
^^^Agree 110% with Africa!
Comment by Azrazyel on 9 December 2009:
Queens is not a black woman. Evidently Africa, you seem to have some visual discrepancies.
Check his blog and you will see for yourself.
Comment by Africa on 9 December 2009:
Oh my god…I’m sorry…I really didn’t know. I’m at the salon getting a wax and my nails done, my beautician gave me a taste of a new wine and we were laughing and just thought…how silly of me. Sorry
Comment by Africa on 9 December 2009:
This is to the Lauralten Queens guy…I talked to my dad about you and he is willing to give you a job…its not only $4000.00 every two weeks. You would be my driver and you can drive me and my friends around all the time. We might even give you a lap dance for free…tips on us and a shot of YAGER…AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW. Let me know okay…
Comment by Africa on 9 December 2009:
Hey Azrazyel my BFF likes your name. Want to hang out with us and you can just enjoy. My dad has a small plane and we have a pilot. WE LIKE YOU…
Comment by Trinity on 9 December 2009:
Mr. LQ:
You’re barking up the wrong tree, trying to get a reaction out of me.
What I wrote is extremely clear. Whatever you are projecting onto me with your question is not my problem. As such, I do not know what is wrong with a majority Black neighborhood but I simply do not reside in one (I’m in the wrong part of the country for that).
I’ll selectively respond to some of what you wrote but forgive me for ignoring the more ludicrous arguments and statements:
“It takes more than a fancy job and education to have a good man. That is why so many sellout black women fail. They never point the finger at themselves for relationships failing.”
Anyone without the self-analysis and honesty to look at the mistakes they’ve made in a relationship is missing the point. The common denominator in a string is relationships is YOU. It’s always best to start there.
Having said that, the global problems of misogyny and sexism make it more than likely that women deal with a particular set of challenges when it comes to most men. I think your approach to romantic relationships, from what I’ve read, could be problematic for women seeking parity in a relationship with a man (as opposed to domination or submission on either side).
“Black women end up in bad situation because of THEIR bad choices.”
Yes, as do all adults. They are also responsible for making better choices, and an important choice of a responsible woman looking to share her life with someone is to choose a good partner. What is your point beyond this somewhat obvious statement?
“The emasculated white man is to busy trying to kiss your ashy toes instead of stating the truth. AZ has been one of the few white guys that tells the truth. He simply says he doesn’t want to be a second option to black women or “an emergency man” when you can’t find a good black man like myself.”
It’s hard to type a response to this, I crack up in the midst of typing. I’d say to AZ not to worry about serving as an “emergency man” to a Black woman with issues, but to focus on finding the woman he wants, be she Black or otherwise. I’m not looking for a good Black man as I have found my guy. I’m sure there are plenty out there though, should the need arise, but I don’t limit myself to a particular phenotype. I know quite a few good Black men. None of them spend their time disparaging Black women so you’ll have to forgive me if I’m hesitant to place you in the exalted company of the good Black men I know based on your posts.
“You mention you are on responsible for yourself. But you look a white man bailout stimulus package on E Harmon and all these other websites. White men just overlook your profile and don’t even have you in their favorite folder unless you are biracial and damn near look like Halle Berry.”
In my experience it’s quite untrue that Black women with a sub Saharan phenotype are overlooked. Attractive women are noticed and appreciated wherever they go. It’s not my intention to attract every man, or even the average man. I don’t need tens, hundreds or thousands of men to find me attractive, online or in person…just attracting the one I have will do just fine. So I’m not offended if any particular man doesn’t find me attractive. I get enough positive feedback from men from all backgrounds. I look nothing like Halle Berry.
Black women, I mean African American women, should understand that men are men. If you are an attractive women, men will notice. Our species isn’t designed to do anything else (at least for heterosexual people). Yes, racism comes into play for many people but how many racists have crossed a color line? Plenty.
This is a numbers game. In the states there are many more White men than Black women. If 10% of White men dated Black women that would be just about enough for every Black woman to have one, maybe two to choose from. 90% of White men could run screaming at the though of dating Black women and IT WOULDN’T MATTER. Bring in the Latinos (many of which are sub Saharan anyway), Asian Americans, Native Americans and the opinions of a “majority” of any group are immaterial. Expand to the Europeans, Africans, Latinos and Asians and the whole world opens up. No attractive heterosexual woman needs to worry about finding a man who will love her and accept her as she is. If every Black woman accepted the fact that her options for a mate are wide open, we’d be much better off.
I saved this little gem to respond to last:
“This is the problem with you sellout black women. You try to put yourselves on a pedestal above ‘other classes of women”.”
I’m amused at this feeble attempt to “take me down a peg.” What men like you throughout the ages know deep down, and you fear the most, is a woman who knows her own power. It’s why you spend so much time and energy trying to beat women into submission, mentally, physically or both. Ironically, women who walk on dirt roads in rags with bare feet can and do know their worth, and women in head to toe couture with Ivy league degrees do not. This is not about wealth, class or race but it is about education. When women learn that they do not have to accept BS from men, when they know that they are the architects of their own lives and destinies, that no degenerate’s words or deeds can keep them down for long, they are powerful. Powerful women choose from the cream of the crop among men and leave the rest to someone else. I look at my guy - strong, honorable, attractive, intelligent and loving - and I wish for every woman to know what it feels like to be loved by a man who is worthy of my love. Like I said, I’m not concerned with what someone else thinks about my relationship. I want as many women as possible to stop dealing with trash, worrying about what trash thinks and does, and focus on improving themselves so that they can be worthy of a good man (or woman).
Comment by Azrazyel on 9 December 2009:
I’m not getting involved in your petty high school shit. lol
You sound like my nephew who bugs the hell outta me….shew away.
Comment by Africa on 9 December 2009:
My boyfriend is hot with a six pack to die for…thanks for honest Mr guy…Norstroms is having a sale….Yea!!!!!
Comment by Africa on 9 December 2009:
You guys are mean…My friends and I tried to held you out of poverty. I only date my boyfriend because he is Black…he has been paid well…Like I’m not taking him for a ride. He has the house key and he can go swimming in the pool at anytime. What did I do? You guys hate me and all I have ever tried to do is help you people. Now I need to go shopping online…this has really upset me!
Comment by Azrazyel on 9 December 2009:
“I only date my boyfriend because he is Black…he has been paid well…”
Elin? Is that you? I don’t think Tiger would be very happy with this….rofl
How can I get a hold of Inside Edition for this? I need some money too. lol
*Big time Homer face palm moment*
Comment by Africa on 10 December 2009:
Oh my god you are so cute and your words are so awesome… I’m ready to learn the whole Obama thing or black thing. I will pay you…
Comment by Azrazyel on 10 December 2009:
Africa:
Give me a call at 1-800-2good4u
We’ll make arrangements. ha
Comment by Africa on 10 December 2009:
I feel so sad for you people… the thought of me buying 4 bra’s at Victoria Secret is just not right…I should like donate to the less unfortunate. I remember when I was a kid and I told my boyfriend this story too, anyway we would go to Africa twice a year and my nanny would be with me. Anyway my dad would donate lots of books and I remember once that this kid who had never seen a notepad…he was like wanting my notepad. Okay so I gave it to him…What I’m saying is that this kid was so happy just to play in the mud, but the notepad…he held on to it like it was gold…He is now in Med School and next year he is coming to the United States to open up a clinic. My dad had it built for him. This just makes me cry…Africans are different from Black people. They show emotions and are not afraid to cry…Please stop being mean to each other. I held a baby with aids in my arms and he died the next day. He was only 6 months old. Kids in Africa need books…maybe you could send some and stop all this hate…
Comment by Swtgurl190 on 10 December 2009:
Trinity
I’m glad you ran across this blog and felt like sharing. I understand completely where you’re coming from and I appreciate the message. I love intelligent, strong women, no matter what color skin they may have!
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 10 December 2009:
Dear Africa
I think you meant nordstrom. (Clothing store).
Great, your man has an illiterate black woman.
Now, I am jealous.
Good day.
I released the “Tiger Woods Story” The Prequel off the Man on Fire Blog.
I will address everyone later. Especially Trinity, I like debating intelligent women.
You all have a nice day.
http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 10 December 2009:
From now on,
Anytime a sellout black women says “her white man gets paid well”.
I am going to tell her you are pulling a “Tiger Woods” now huh?
These “Tiger Woods” hos make me sick!
I address this on my blog. If Tiger was banging black women they would have never snitched on his ass. The white women straight ran to the media talking about “he used me”. When did Tiger Woods ‘use you” after you fucked the other athletes??? Seems like Tiger Woods was standing in line to spank you. But he somehow used you.
Trinity, again, you fail to realize one thing, not ALL WOMEN are deserving of a good man. The common prostitute does not deserve a good man. The obese girl that can’t control herself does not deserve a good man. Not EVERY WOMAN deserves a good man. That is just politically correct bull crap.
Next thing you are going to tell me is “Precious” deserves a good man. No white man would touch Precious. If they did, then I would be WORRIED.
You said this
“In my experience it’s quite untrue that Black women with a sub Saharan phenotype are overlooked. Attractive women are noticed and appreciated wherever they go. It’s not my intention to attract every man, or even the average man. I don’t need tens, hundreds or thousands of men to find me attractive, online or in person…just attracting the one I have will do just fine. So I’m not offended if any particular man doesn’t find me attractive. I get enough positive feedback from men from all backgrounds. I look nothing like Halle Berry.”
See this is the pathetic excuse sellout black women use to make themselves feel good. All I need is “one man”. It is not about if you can get a man. It is about being picked last compared to other races of women.
It is like going shopping and you are like the last raggedy child in the family and everybody gives you “hand me downs”. Yea you got clothes but they gave you “hand me downs”. So, stop saying these statements to black women on this board. Tattoo this on my forehead made the same weak argument to me.
Essentially saying, I am just happy to he here. Just happy to get a pat on the head by white men.
You should demand more than that!
Be glad you were able to speak to me. Sometimes, I feel you women are beneath me.
Comment by Trinity on 10 December 2009:
Hey Swtgurl190 - You’re very welcome. This is an interesting blog so I was happy to run across it as well.
Comment by Trinity on 10 December 2009:
Ah, Mr. LQ. I love the smell of vitriol in the morning.
“See this is the pathetic excuse sellout black women use to make themselves feel good. All I need is “one man”. It is not about if you can get a man. It is about being picked last compared to other races of women.”
Umm, it really is about that, unless you want more than one. If given a choice I’d rather see Black women married to good men and/or in healthy, stable relationships rather than seeing them objectified in the media. Nevertheless, I am a realist. The objectification comes with the territory in a patriarchy, so as more Black women exercise their right to date and marry anyone they choose, they will become more and more objectified as “arm candy.”
“It is like going shopping and you are like the last raggedy child in the family and everybody gives you “hand me downs”. Yea you got clothes but they gave you “hand me downs”. So, stop saying these statements to black women on this board. Tattoo this on my forehead made the same weak argument to me.”
I suspect it won’t be the last time you misunderstand my perspective but let’s try and dig into this anyway: If Black women seek out relationships with men who offer love, respect, support and security and give as good as they get,they’d have relationships that women around the world want for themselves. “Hand me downs” is a ridiculous term to use for such relationships. It seems to me this sort of relationship is exactly what many women, Black and otherwise, continue to settle for until they realize their own worth.
“Essentially saying, I am just happy to he here. Just happy to get a pat on the head by white men.”
I suspect that your real problem is that Black women who refuse to settle wouldn’t be waiting around for a pat on the head by Black men. I understand, when men are insecure (people, really) they feel the need to dominate something in order to feel better about their inadequacies. You want to come home from a day of feeling inferior and instantly feel better knowing that your wife/girlfriend and perhaps children are submissive to you. Maybe yell and smack them around a little bit too. This isn’t special, but typical of men around the world. I don’t make it a racial issue because it isn’t about race.
“Trinity, again, you fail to realize one thing, not ALL WOMEN are deserving of a good man. The common prostitute does not deserve a good man. The obese girl that can’t control herself does not deserve a good man. Not EVERY WOMAN deserves a good man. That is just politically correct bull crap.
Next thing you are going to tell me is “Precious” deserves a good man. No white man would touch Precious. If they did, then I would be WORRIED.”
If being perfect was a requirement for receiving love them we’d all go without. One simply has to be in the right state of mind to receive the love that I am talking about. It’s doubtful that a woman who is letting herself be abused or engaging in self-destructive behavior can have the type of relationship I’m talking about because these women would attract men who reflect their poor self-image and who assist them in making poor choices.
A common prostitute can make different choices and attract the right people into her life. An obese woman can stop self-medicating with food and get healthy. The fictitious Precious can move past her abuse and realize that she is a human being deserving of love and a sense of well-being. The key is changing their mentality. In some cases it isn’t easy, but the natural state of humanity is not despair and pain.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 10 December 2009:
Dear Trinty
You said this……….
“Umm, it really is about that, unless you want more than one. If given a choice I’d rather see Black women married to good men and/or in healthy, stable relationships rather than seeing them objectified in the media. Nevertheless, I am a realist. The objectification comes with the territory in a patriarchy, so as more Black women exercise their right to date and marry anyone they choose, they will become more and more objectified as “arm candy.”
I agree with your statement and I want the same for black women but the desperation “doctrine” is not working. If you were a realist you would tell black women stop subjecting themselves to being picked last. It is not about black women desiring men, it is about what men desire them.
“I suspect it won’t be the last time you misunderstand my perspective but let’s try and dig into this anyway: If Black women seek out relationships with men who offer love, respect, support and security and give as good as they get,they’d have relationships that women around the world want for themselves. “Hand me downs” is a ridiculous term to use for such relationships. It seems to me this sort of relationship is exactly what many women, Black and otherwise, continue to settle for until they realize their own worth.”
Let me rephrase the “hand me down statement”. More like black women need to stop “pan handling” for a white man. You are assuming black women “do not seek out these relationships’. It all falls on the man to provide that. Now if you go to E Harmony and you hardly get any responses from men. Are you going to blame the women for that?
“I suspect that your real problem is that Black women who refuse to settle wouldn’t be waiting around for a pat on the head by Black men. I understand, when men are insecure (people, really) they feel the need to dominate something in order to feel better about their inadequacies. You want to come home from a day of feeling inferior and instantly feel better knowing that your wife/girlfriend and perhaps children are submissive to you. Maybe yell and smack them around a little bit too. This isn’t special, but typical of men around the world. I don’t make it a racial issue because it isn’t about race.”
My problem is not black women who ’settle”. The question is should white men settle. If you have a child by different black men, do you expect a white man to take on that baggage? The problem is many sellout black women are delusional. They look like “Nell Carter” but want Brad Pitt!
“If being perfect was a requirement for receiving love them we’d all go without. One simply has to be in the right state of mind to receive the love that I am talking about. It’s doubtful that a woman who is letting herself be abused or engaging in self-destructive behavior can have the type of relationship I’m talking about because these women would attract men who reflect their poor self-image and who assist them in making poor choices.”
So you blame the victim for attracting a man that uses and abuses her. Perhaps, an average black woman can just be with an average man. Ever thought about that. Na, because you are a narcissist. Thus, why men call smell desperation in black women so fast. You won’t be pretty forever.
“A common prostitute can make different choices and attract the right people into her life. An obese woman can stop self-medicating with food and get healthy. The fictitious Precious can move past her abuse and realize that she is a human being deserving of love and a sense of well-being. The key is changing their mentality. In some cases it isn’t easy, but the natural state of humanity is not despair and pain.”
The only choices a common prostitute can do is lie to the man about her past.
The only thing Precious can do is get gastric bypass surgery and pray a white man looks at her.
The 4 devils for black women are love, envy, jealousy and hate.
Once they overcome that. They might get a good man.
Good day.
Comment by Trinity on 10 December 2009:
Hmmm, I think we’re getting somewhere in this dialogue LQ.
So, starting from the premise that you and I want to see the same outcome (Black women in healthy relationships with good men), let’s see if I can further clarify my point of view by addressing your key points:
“the desperation “doctrine” is not working. If you were a realist you would tell black women stop subjecting themselves to being picked last.”
I’m not familiar with the desperation doctrine, and doubt that I am espousing it, so you’ll have to define the term.
You seem to be focusing on a narrow group of black women you perceive are chasing after white men. From what you are saying, these women are physically unattractive and attempting to land men who might be out of their price range, so to speak.
First of all, most people are average (hence the term), not attractive or unattractive. Most white men do not look like Brad Pitt. Most white men are not rich or highly educated. So I see no reason why the average black woman couldn’t consider a pool of average men. Water finds its own level when it comes to partnering up. Highly attractive people tend to want to be with highly attractive mates, and if they aren’t, that less than attractive mate is making up for it somehow. So your pairing up of Nell Carter and Brad Pitt is silly. Brad Pitt did date Robin Givens, however, likely because she is a highly attractive, interesting and intelligent woman.
No woman or man should subject themselves to being “picked last.” It’s not necessary. Just as there are black men who will not date black women because they are too dark/light/tall/short etc, there are white men who feel the same way. There are men who love large women out there. Plus, large women can lose weight and have more options. If nothing else, Americans get fatter by the year so there are plenty of large men out there looking for a match with a large woman. There’s no need to act like the average man is better looking than the average woman. Everyone has to play their positions and realize the value of what they bring to the table.
“More like black women need to stop “pan handling” for a white man. You are assuming black women “do not seek out these relationships’. It all falls on the man to provide that. Now if you go to E Harmony and you hardly get any responses from men. Are you going to blame the women for that?”
Women don’t need to seek men out. Those that do are going above and beyond what’s necessary. I don’t assume that EVERY black woman who is open to dating men from different backgrounds is “pan handling,” as you seem to do. I also don’t assume that black women aren’t “pan handling” when they seek out black men or want one so badly they’ll put up with BS. To me it is not necessary. There’s always another man out there, no need to be desperate.
It takes all kinds. I get the sense that you perceive white men as some sort of pristine group, as if they do not have children, physical flaws, money problems or emotional issues. Perhaps a young white man without children would restrict himself to dating women without children whereas another would not. Perhaps a tall women wouldn’t date a short man. On and on and on. So what? Like I said before, do you need an army of men running up behind you, or a good one who wants you? If it’s the latter, the odds are in your favor with about a billion men out there to choose from.
“So you blame the victim for attracting a man that uses and abuses her. Perhaps, an average black woman can just be with an average man. Ever thought about that. Na, because you are a narcissist. Thus, why men call smell desperation in black women so fast. You won’t be pretty forever.”
Ultimately, people treat you the way that you let them. Abusers are like predators, so I don’t entirely “blame the victim” but I do believe that a person has to decide that they are worth nothing before anyone can treat them like nothing.
As for the rest of that…LOL. Do you know what the definition of narcissism is?
“The only choices a common prostitute can do is lie to the man about her past.
The only thing Precious can do is get gastric bypass surgery and pray a white man looks at her.”
Again, I don’t place half the species above the other. Since many men seek out prostitutes and even fall in love with them along the way, I’d say a common prostitute’s got a better shot than one might expect. Oo Precious, perhaps an obese white man won’t be so picky about weight. I think it’s funny that you keep talking about this generic “white man” as if he is God’s gift yet accuse “sell out black women” of having that mentality? Why not take people on a case by case basis?
Comment by Africa on 10 December 2009:
My BFF’s are so loving this site and thank you for correcting my spelling…My workout is more important than that. Don’t hate on me, because you can’t afford my life style. Awww the one thing I love is that I can go and get a Coach, LV, Juicy, and ect…matter of fact I have over 50 designer bags and I travel alot… Matter of fact…Las Vegas is nothing if your not hanging out the coolest people. HATERS…I didn’t respond earlier because I was getting my sleep and then my 2 mile run. Yes I have the body and the boobs. HATERS…
Comment by Africa on 10 December 2009:
Bring it on okay. My boyfriend who is Black is laughing and says that you guys are skanks…Haters…
Comment by tatted2death on 13 December 2009:
Trinity you are a GODDESS amongst insects!!!…..I am glad you have carried the torch in my absence…..LOL.
Seriously though…..Your last post (and every one before it…lol) was immaculate. Not to sound weird or anything, but it was almost like we were sharing the same brain for a moment…lol.
As you can see this character still likes to throw my name in the mix:
“It is like going shopping and you are like the last raggedy child in the family and everybody gives you “hand me downs”. Yea you got clothes but they gave you “hand me downs”. So, stop saying these statements to black women on this board. Tattoo this on my forehead made the same weak argument to me”
Umm, I never argued any such thing with this individual. He is just riding along on the same delusional highway he has been on for months now because he has labeled me an “intelligent” women (as he has with you…….proceed with caution…LOL) and can’t “handle” me except to make false accusations and feeble sexual innuendos. In fact, the way that he has to point out that we are “intelligent” (as if we are some sort of anomaly….lol) speaks volumes. The fact that he even bothered to respond to AFRICA, speaks volumes. This character tells on himself at every turn…..as you, no doubt, have already observed.
He is a “legend” that has you use my notoriety to remain relavent…..ending his posts in this manner:
“TATTOO THAT ON YOUR FOREHEAD”…
..the hits just keep on coming…..2010 is just going to be more of the same nonsense for some.
Good Luck to ALL
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by Trinity on 14 December 2009:
Hey Tatted2death!
Girl, I’m just trying to follow your lead. LOL
I actually didn’t even get all of the various references to people since I’m so new here, but it did seem like he wasn’t so much responding to what I said as repeating what he’d been arguing for months with other posters.
It’s funny how my (our…LOL) point of view inspires so much negativity.
Comment by Stephanie on 20 December 2009:
I’m a black girl and I’m only attracted to white men. Partially because I leave in a white neighborhood and I attend a school that has 10% black.
Every black guy I’ve dated has treated me with great disrespect and leave me wounded. They tend to cheat, lie, and have the biggest egos on the planet. And then they tell me that white girls are prettier because of their hair..
Comment by Teesa on 21 December 2009:
Well Stephanie, I hope you know that you are beautiful regardless of any guy’s hurtful comments. I too have been treated badly by black men but know all black men aren’t bad. I am in a relationship with a white man now. We have been together for two years and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope you find what I have Stephanie and remember you are a beautiful black girl.
Comment by julius26 on 22 December 2009:
Dear tessa and stephanie all the best in your relationships, but always remember quality does not have a race
Comment by Teesa on 22 December 2009:
That is very true Julius. Thanks!
Comment by tatted2death on 23 December 2009:
Me thinks Stephanie is smart enough to know what’s to know…..seeing as how she stated it this way, “Every Black guy I have dated….” instead of “Every Black guy in the WORLD” or “in the U.S.”….or….well you get the point….
Oye Trinity!!!….Thanks for the “nod”….lol
I noticed you were a newcomer (you are very much welcomed here, by the way….LOL…for give my manners…lol) yet I could tell right off the bat that you are intelligent, knowledgable AND educated (we all know they don’t ALWAYS go together..LOL) so I took for granted you knew what’s what around here. Sharp minds think alike….(forgive me for tooting mine own horn there..LOL).
Anyhow, I am just glad that I have in someway inspired you to stand your ground here and hope this phenomenon continues….
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by boots on 31 December 2009:
I’ve been reading comments on this blog 4 sometime now.. I have not made a reply…since Iam a new commer I will listen 4 now….but I would say up front I agree with Mr Laurelton on most of these issues
Comment by tatted2death on 1 January 2010:
WUNDERBAR, FANTASTICO, and FUNDERFUL for you, boots….(LMAO)
HAPPY NEW YEAR, good people!!!
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 1 January 2010:
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE.
Hopefully it will not be another desperate for sellout black women.
2010 is my year get used to it.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 1 January 2010:
Dear Boots
Thanks for your comments. It is just my opinion. Black women tend to be sensitive when criticized that is why so many white men really shy away from telling them the truth.
They will crucify the white guy if he dared say something negative about black women.
The cardinal rule for white men. Keep your mouth shut and be nice and black women will drop their panties for you.
It is really no secret.
Comment by tatted2death on 2 January 2010:
…yeah as opposed to “beating them down” and “spanking their asses”……but wait a minute aren’t those YOUR tried and true methods, Daffy???
LMAO
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 2 January 2010:
LOL
I sense anger. Looks like 2010 will be a long year.
Comment by meisha81 on 3 January 2010:
Good Morning & Happy New Years to Everyone!
I just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading everyone’s post & learning something new each day from every individual. I however really enjoy the back & forth debates between Ms. Tatted & Mr. Laurelton. Your posts are equally thought provoking but at the same time hilarious like a brother & sister duo. Keep it going!
Many Blessings to all & Have a wonderful 2010!
Meisha81
Comment by tatted2death on 4 January 2010:
HI there, Meisha…
….lol….always glad to “infotain”…LOL
…but trust me…..what goes on between Queens and myself is NOT true debate. The issues he has are obviously personal and of his own making. I have never really disagreed with him (when he stays on topic) but I don’t take to kindly to watching the various blog threads being hijacked and derailed by his focus on me. So occasionally I have to step in here and remind him with whom he is “phucking”…lol.
Keep tuning in though….I think 2010 WILL be long…..hopefully long enough for some of us to WAKE UP. (”spidey” senses tingly over imagined anger does NOT count…LOL).
Comment by mimi on 7 January 2010:
I just prefer white men. It’s attractive, i grew up in a diverse area, like different cultures and the idea of merging that with my own. I have a lot in commen with the white men i have dated.
Comment by Edward, on 8 January 2010:
I see alot of white guys that act like being married to thier wife is nothing and they hardly, or dont know how to give her affection, Like thier intimidated by the stupid crowd or older creonies that thats not right in front of them,
small town insecure thinking,
On the other hand i see something in a black woman thats sinsere and personable and maybe needs to talk about things and really deep down cares for a person if they will just give her a chance,
I mean whats wrong with these guys anyway?
are they so intimidated by others or is it a stupid macho thing out of total insecurity that thay have to be so called in control of things or act like it,
and act like being married to an attractive loving woman is nothing and they call her the wife in front of thier little friend;s like thier so terrified to sact like they love her but then they dont know how to,
and are terrified to admit it so they act totally insecure or dont show her affection or talk about her like thier in love with her and cant wait to be with her,
I mean I feel like decking them or nailing them to the wall when i see this,
I see a love and a genuiness in black woman that i hardly ever see in white ones i mean why is this, and why are caucasian woman so into themselves or act cold to me and then when i want to get to know them they are terrified and run off, to thier hubby that dont treat thenm loving anyway and make love to them and take them on a vacation and away from the kids,
I mean im standing here seeing this junk go on ansd its like poeplemare asleep or they just are so selfish and into the stupid casual acting thing that they are like mindless robots with no inside, I mean id give a lady anything she wants and take her places and do things for her and nothing, , I see them go for a nobody thats more into his little insecure friends than loving on his attractive trying to get affection wife,
this is total Bull crap and i know theres alot of people that agree wit6h me on this, and see this junk and then want to knock people in the head for not paying attention,
I feel like knocking thier heads off when i see this,
Comment by Edward, on 8 January 2010:
I see alot of white guys that act like being married to thier wife is nothing and they hardly, or dont know how to give her affection, Like thier intimidated by the stupid crowd or older creonies that thats not right in front of them,
small town insecure thinking,
On the other hand i see something in a black woman thats sinsere and personable and maybe needs to talk about things and really deep down cares for a person if they will just give her a chance,
I mean whats wrong with these guys anyway?
are they so intimidated by others or is it a stupid macho thing out of total insecurity that thay have to be so called in control of things or act like it,
and act like being married to an attractive loving woman is nothing and they call her the wife in front of thier little friend;s like thier so terrified to sact like they love her but then they dont know how to,
and are terrified to admit it so they act totally insecure or dont show her affection or talk about her like thier in love with her and cant wait to be with her,
I mean I feel like decking them or nailing them to the wall when i see this,
I see a love and a genuiness in black woman that i hardly ever see in white ones i mean why is this, and why are caucasian woman so into themselves or act cold to me and then when i want to get to know them they are terrified and run off, to thier hubby that dont treat thenm loving anyway and make love to them and take them on a vacation and away from the kids,
I mean im standing here seeing this junk go on ansd its like poeplemare asleep or they just are so selfish and into the stupid casual acting thing that they are like mindless robots with no inside, I mean id give a lady anything she wants and take her places and do things for her and nothing, , I see them go for a nobody thats more into his little insecure friends than loving on his attractive trying to get affection wife,
this is total Bull crap and i know theres alot of people that agree wit6h me on this, and see this junk and then want to knock people in the head for not paying attention,
Comment by Edward, on 8 January 2010:
I mean is american thinking so screwed up that people and couples are terrified to show affection to thier wives and or love them like God Cmmmanded you to when you took the Oath of marriege, or does alot of america simply not giva a darn?
I mean sheesh Id take a woman to see things and do things away from the house,
sit next to her in a cafe or restaraunt(only us and no one else around to bother us, or try to take attention away from her and me,)Id touch her on the lips kiss her slowly, and feed her food slowly and look at her eyes and just touch and love on her,
blow slowly in her ear, not be in a hurry for anything or to go anywhere, and say to other’s im busy with my honey right now ok and call her by her name and not say just the wife like he was ashamed of intimidated to show love to her in front of others,
To heck with other cold people in public places if you cant show Love and affection to your wife and then act like shes the 1st thing you think about in the morning,
than the peopole like this dont deserve a nice wife that cares and wants to be with them,
I think about making love to a black woman and romamncing her all the time in all sorts of places,
i tried this with caucasian friends in the past and thier too intimidated to act normal or are terified to be themselves to a person that cares about them so i said to heck with it, for get this junk,I dont need the emotional pain of a person that dont return love to you when you do it first,
Im not gonnaput up with the junk of others being intimidated by my if im with a black lady or think it wouldnt work out in her family cause thier too terrified to admid thier a different color or in truth are terrified out of thier mind that shes not a white lady like the blind ignorant father would think, like in the movie look who’s comming to dinner
I mean no one has a problem or anything except the father ,,, spencer tracy out of his biggotry and blind and selfish thinking,
Comment by jc james on 11 January 2010:
why are people bashing people for what colour partner they are dating? we are trying to develop our society to a point where colour is irrelevant in whichever context we are talking. im white and my girl is black and i get looks and comments from haters. but when i got that big ol’ booty boom booming around the bedroom, them haters are the last thingson my mind, lol, f*** yaull hatin.
Comment by glasswing butterfly on 28 January 2010:
I love dating outside of my race especially Caucasian men . I love the exposure to core values that are similar to my own and I love the anthropological differences.
I don’t feel betrayed when a black man dates a non-black woman. Why? I’ll tell you why, because I have better things to do with my passion. Black or not, a stranger is a stranger and should not be given the right to validate another stranger’s choices.
Many African Americans make the mistake of assuming all blacks think the same. We are not one big identity. I am an individual and resent some stranger, of African descent like myself or otherwise, thinking they have a right to be offended that I am not with a black man. That is completely irrational and disturbing.
Using the expression “sell out” is offensive, ambiguous and speaks to the level of disturbed thinking,lack of education and dysfunctional coping and social skills.
If your father abandoned you as a child AA man, the best thing you can do is to not do it to your offspring and make their mother an honest woman prior to procreating, stop worrying about black women with white men, move forward and leave the past in the past and use it only to know what not to do as opposed to self oppression in the masses and stop accusing someone who wants to be an individual of “selling out.”
Comment by glasswing butterfly on 30 January 2010:
I love dating outside of my race especially Caucasian men . I love the exposure to core values that are similar to my own and I love the anthropological differences.
I don’t feel betrayed when a black man dates a non-black woman. Why? I’ll tell you why, because I have better things to do with my passion. Black or not, a stranger is a stranger and should not be given the right to validate another stranger’s choices.
Many African Americans make the mistake of assuming all blacks think the same. We are not one big identity. I am an individual and resent some stranger, of African descent like myself or otherwise, thinking they have a right to be offended that I am not with a black man. That is completely irrational and disturbing.
Using the expression “sell out” is offensive, ambiguous and speaks to the level of disturbed thinking,lack of education and dysfunctional coping and social skills.
If your father abandoned you as a child AA man, the best thing you can do is to not do it to your offspring and make their mother an honest woman prior to procreating, stop worrying about black women with white men, move forward and leave the past in the past and use it only to know what not to do as opposed to self oppression in the masses and stop accusing someone who wants to be an individual of “selling out.”
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 31 January 2010:
Dear Glasswing
Why are you offended that you are a sellout. You sold out your race. You won’t go back to the black community unless you “have too”. You only go back when the white guy dumps you. Most of the time you won’t even admit you have been in several relationships with white guys and it didn’t work out.
But you steady defend white guys and got no ring on your finger. You need to wake up. They sure are not defending you at all.
NO many WHITE AMERICANS think all blacks think the same. That is why they ask you about your hair and how you speak. They say things like “my black woman is articulate and clean”.
Just like on my blog, the white guy called his black wife with a master’s degree a “ghetto hoodrat”. The turn around and defend him for that statement. Now that is disturbing and irrational.
Sellout is not ambiguous at all. It gets straight to the point.
Stop lecturing black men about taking care of their children. How about tell black women stop being loose so men don’t have to question if they are the father of the child!
That goes for all men. White men question if a child belongs to them.
Don’t run to men accusing them of being the father and we saw you with like 3 or 4 men around town. You better be DAMN CERTAIN we are the fathers of your wayward children.
Man look for that “A send a sellout black girl postcards from PARADISE”.
I told people 2010 I am not being nice to these sellout black women anymore.
Tired of them blaming men for their problems!
Comment by boots on 1 February 2010:
And a wuderbar to u 2 tatted…To glasswing… pleez !pleez !tell us what these core values are that u and your wbf share.The antropological bs u can leave out.these core values did they include a genuine concern for the welfare of the blk race with equal treatment in ,employment education, housing,lending,prison sentences etc etc.And when did your wbf suddenly get those core values that u speak of…I wonder if he got them when he met a fine blk body that he wanted.You certainly r an indiviual,and not part of one big identity and we as blk people dont all think the same.But one thing is 4 sure we were all treated as slaves and or 2nd class citizens in this sweet old USA. My point that I will continue to stress on this blog and others…is the fact that we still are viewed as inferior by whites.White men were pleased to disregard the black woman’s inferiorty and near animal status,so that his fleshly desires could be satisfied.White men have been such hypocrites in the past when dealing with blk women why would u expect anything else today..and no! no! no!… to all you dear people who insist on thinking all this stuff is in the past….let us all check out what the transfer of white wealth in this country has meant and it’s ramifications
Comment by LillyCalla on 1 February 2010:
Thank you boots and Queens, lets tell some truth!
Whites still look down on black people and they still mistreat us in jobs, housing, healthcare, and oh, even the art world!
I had a stint in school with my AP art teacher, she had the nerve to tell me that black people are not supposed to be oil painters and then went on to say that art is for white people.
All this after she took slides from my portfolio without my permission or my knowledge and gave my work to her favorite white student.
That white girl used MY artwork and got a 5 star rating on her phony portfolio using MY slides.
The teacher had nerve to say the white student was better than me because black people aren’t supposed to be artists.
I found all this out on the last day of school when the teacher suddenly decided to blurt it out in the hallway and bragged about stealing from me.
I told the teacher that i would report her and she said that she would tell everyone that i was having sex with her. I was a quiet student and never really spoke ,uch to the teacher so i never knew where the hell all of that was coming from.
And to this day, the strange and sick things this white lady said makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
Yes, I reported this freak to the office, and they did nothing about this fool.
Whites are “special” people, they screw everybody over and then they expect everybody to love them and respect them for it.
My point is, white men are not chasing black women and white people in general have no respect for black people and they inject their white supremacist racism into all aspects of our lives to try to tear down the black race.
Don’t praise white men, they sure ain’t praising us!
Comment by LillyCalla on 1 February 2010:
The creepiest thing I remember is the art teacher actually following me to my house and crawling on the ground in my backyard, I called cops and they acted like I was lying when I told them what happened.
Police are very adept at accusing any black man they can find of a crime but when crime actually happens to a black person they act like they don’t give a care.
My story is long but i just wanted to talk about one of the many things that has happened to me in my life where i found out the reason white people are called devils.
Comment by glasswing butterfly on 1 February 2010:
The whole comment about not having received a ring in marriage is erroneous; I was married to my daughter’s father (yes, the white guy) and he and I divorced and not over race issues.
I am concerned about the human race and I have not had problems attaining employment or fair treatment as a result of my race. I must admit I sometimes encounter whites who feel inferior to my more polished presentation, my rhetoric and superior intellect as I have encountered with blacks who want me to stay at the bottom of the crab bucket (AKA not selling out).
Prison issues go back to the home life and environment to which the children were exposed.
Your whole perspective is built on “Oppressed Group Behavior” which is a direct result of a sort of thinking that is perpetuated without rationalization. You will never change because who then will you blame for your failures or your anger.
My dating a white man still remains the least of your issues.
I agree with the theory that one of the major factors that keeps the oppressed (Angry African Americans like yourself) from becoming empowered is poor self- and group esteem and identity; that which you so obviously suffer.
If at any point in time blacks were viewed as inferior by a disproportionate number of whites, It is my conviction that it no longer the case in the same proportion.
Sure, there are racist whites; who cares? I don’t need them or you to validate me and YOU DON’T NEED MY VALIDATION OR A WHITE PERSON’S VALIDATION OF YOU. With that being said, a person who exhibits undesirable behavior and failure to conform to societal norms is always frowned down upon regardless of their race.
Your comments that white men have no respect for black women is a poor attempt to evoke feelings of inferiority in me. Which blacks like yourself use as a form of manipulation to keep other blacks oppressed.
YOU and only you have repeatedly marginalized me and other African American women as black women on this blog; not the phantom “hypocritical white man” you speak of. I have had unpleasant experiences with all races of people and never once did I attribute it to my color. You want to know why? I don’t suffer from an inferiority complex and I have empowered myself.
I love myself because of (not in spite of) my color or ancestral history of slavery. The core values I speak of relates to someone who like myself is bidirectionally committed to democracy in the relationship, mutual respect, always putting the members of the relationship first, having a strong love of education and being free from a racial inferiority complex.
Not consistent with my core values would be thinking and conviction that supports the behavior of degrading someone to manipulate them and to further a “group oppressing cause”
Just because someone is black doesn’t make another black person compatible with them. This is the myth of the common reality.
I’m not much of a fan of anecdotal evidence and faulty logic.
Just because a white person asks about black hair care doesn’t mean that the question is sinister. I ask people of different cultures and races about things of that nature often because it is fascinating.
I will say that it is truly sad to know how pervasive this “oppressed group behavioral” problem extends.
I believe many of these racist incidents with whites were expected so there was no way to have any other perspective following your encounters. Self fulfilled prophecy.
I guess by the definition of many of you hard core “white people haters” and “believers of the white conspiracy to continue to oppress blacks” I am a “sell out” and since I love myself I have to love that attribute about me as well as my other attributes.
It is futile to banter back and forth. But, feel free to lash out, I understand your psychological confusion and distress;I am thankful to God that I am free of it and can only pray that you all find peace.
I will continue to date white men or marry another one should I choose regardless of your oppressed group behavior and self oppressing beliefs.
Will not respond anymore to this blog because it is futile.
But thanks for the experience. It was enlightening!
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 1 February 2010:
Dear everyone
This topic is heating up. I have to go to work.
I will just keep it brief for now. Not all white people are the devils. Not all white people “have money”. I live in a rural town with ’struggling’ white families.
I see fundamental differences between poor whites and poor blacks.
I had to bring a white client that was 8 years old and his mother to the welfare office in town. I went into it the shit was empty. At first, I was like did the staff go on lunch?
My inference is poor white folks will go the welfare office as the “last result”.
Pure speculation you say?
I use to live in New York City and we have the internet. The Welfare office was packed ALL THE TIME.
Now I am not saying white people are not on the system. But there is a fundamental difference in thinking in the country concerning relying on the gov’t for assistance.
Let me just address Glasswing
She makes excellent points. I never really liked the “blame the white man” for everything when I don’t succeed. However, if you are going to tell me white men are “chasing black women”. That is false.
I would agree some black people want to “think like them”. But you chose to join a AKA sorority. I know many professional black women in sororities and black organizations.
From my observation, the reasons friendships fracture with black women in sororities is usually over a man. One member gets married and ignore her “sorority friends”. One member ego is bigger than the other. Arguments of male friends that they feel is more important than the sorority “agenda”.
Glasswing makes good points but the fact she dodges a response back. It feels like elitism. They wonder why sellout black women fail all the time. This woman is the precise reason.
They starting feel their “breasts to much”.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 1 February 2010:
Dating outside of one’s race is purely a personal choice, to each it’s own. To pretend that racism doesn’t play a part in every aspect our society is ludicris and frankly apart of the utopian mindset.”Imagining” that white men are not racist just because they sleep with black women or hispanic women is unhealthy. I don’t subscribe to the “the blame the white man” mentality because in this country you can be successful despite of the social-economic hinderances. It’s up to the individual. Now, to put white men on pedastals because he says oh “I’m attracted to black women and I think now, that I’m forty and tired of my white wife I’ll do some mental “cheating” and fantasize about black women….there’s something missing. I have been asked out, flirted with and dated one white guy but they are just like any other man when he finds out you are not giving up your body without a committment. White men will look at a black womnan turning him down with utter surprise because he subconsciously believes you are inferior to him and not supposed to say no to him because a black woman in his mind is a hyper-sexualized and inherently predatory being, irregardless of how you carry yourself. That’s why a white man whose wife has a master’s degree is STILL ghetto to him. A black man will be put off too if he thinks he isn’t going to be able to have sex with you but he’s not likely to act surprised or expectant unless you are an exotic dancer or something. Let’s be real here, white men are not “chasing us” that’s just truth and to point out a couple of exceptions is hardly enought to build point.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 1 February 2010:
sorry I meant ludicrous and woman.
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 1 February 2010:
Dear Big eyes
I don’t know if white men just run away because you don’t give up the ‘body”. I think society is becoming more impatient as time goes on.
I know many men who will get a woman’s number and just won’t call her. They either to busy at work or juggling multiple woman.
See black men get the reputation of being “players”. White guys tend to “slide” by because of the perception they work at their jobs so they have no “time” to get women.
There is a double standard. You think the escort business, porn business and overseas sex tours stay afloat because of minority men.
Black men are visible due to black entertainers and athletes. Society worships sports. But the flip side to that is black men are associated with criminality also.
I personally think men treat their own race of women different than other races of women.
I know white guys that will tell you ‘white women” are materialistic. You couldn’t get them to be with a white woman. People go off past experiences.
Comment by kiki on 1 February 2010:
its not really a matter to me what race you are, i would rather like to say im more attracted to white guys and asians. i have seen some cute black guys though(usually mixed though =O) =P
im %50 african,%25 filipino,%25 white by the way.
Comment by kiki on 1 February 2010:
i look black though =O
Comment by boots on 2 February 2010:
Greeting 2 all….Big eyes..got the best logic on this subject, that I ‘ve ever heard , coming from a blk woman….Glasswing is on her high horse ,like so many other blk females that want 2 swing that way… btw u “aint” the only one that went to college. Iam on my way to the YMCA ,Iam going to try to break this down 2 her later…Iam one of those blk bros that love themselves…u know, like to eat right and keep this body fit….lol
Comment by boots on 2 February 2010:
sorry…proper grammer is important,but not the sole focus…(Iam one of those blk bros who loves himself)
Comment by boots on 4 February 2010:
No nation can enslave a race of people for hundreds of yrs,set them free bedraggled and penniless, pit them,with-out assistance in a hostile environment,against privileged victimizers,and then reasonably expect the gap between the heirs of the two groups to narrow.Lines begun parallel and left alone can never touch.(THE DEBT, RANDEL ROBINSON what america owes to blacks plum books (pg74) to Glasswing..You mention” oppressed group behavior” with all your superior intellect ,polished presentation and rhetoric etc, You have no real understanding of history at all,in truth there is an oppressed group, always has been. This week we celebrate 50 yrs since blks were able to eat at lunch counters,in the south a full 100yrs after slavery had ended.It seems sentiments down change so quickly in this country No Iam not a white hater as you say…and I dont blame whites for all the evil …but I refuse to be blind like you ..and yes there should be some anger..just like Jesus when he drove the money changers from the temple.You end your diatribe as so many of the other blk females who endorse interracial dating, with a defiant…”I will continue to date white men………..etc,as if we care about your life in particular… we are anonymous to you we have no desire to affect your life…when we seek nation building as black people, it should be of no concern to you b/c we have written your kind off.
Comment by boots on 4 February 2010:
sorry…..I meant ( sentiments don’t change)
Comment by godiva61 on 4 February 2010:
Greater is He that’s in me than he that is in the world!!!!
No weapons formed against me, shall prosper!
Comment by TYRANT on 4 February 2010:
No nation can enslave a race of people for hundreds of yrs,set them free bedraggled and penniless, pit them,with-out assistance in a hostile environment,against privileged victimizers,and then reasonably expect the gap between the heirs of the two groups to narrow.Lines begun parallel and left alone can never touch.(THE DEBT, RANDEL ROBINSON what america owes to blacks plum books (pg74) to Glasswing..You mention” oppressed group behavior” with all your superior intellect ,polished presentation and rhetoric etc, You have no real understanding of history at all,in truth there is an oppressed group, always has been. This week we celebrate 50 yrs since blks were able to eat at lunch counters,in the south a full 100yrs after slavery had ended.It seems sentiments down change so quickly in this country No Iam not a white hater as you say…and I dont blame whites for all the evil …but I refuse to be blind like you ..and yes there should be some anger..just like Jesus when he drove the money changers from the temple.You end your diatribe as so many of the other blk females who endorse interracial dating, with a defiant…”I will continue to date white men………..etc,as if we care about your life in particular… we are anonymous to you we have no desire to affect your life…when we seek nation building as black people, it should be of no concern to you b/c we have written your kind off.
@boots
I’m speechless…This is one EXCELLENT POST. I wish more black women thought like you, but then again, I wish more black people thought like you. When I read this I felt like I’d been slapped in the face…it was that potent.
I don’t have an issue with IR dating/marriage, but I do have a HUGE issue with white supremacist black women/men who think it’s cute to bash the opposite sex of their own race while uplifting white men/women. I stayed off this board for a while because I thought a lot of the women had their heads way too far up their asses.
Anyway, GREAT POST and HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I AM TYRANT AND I HAVE SPOKEN.
Comment by boots on 5 February 2010:
@ TYRANT…………Thank you very much 4 your kind words concerning my post….I shall continue 2 voice my opinion on this subject..btw Iam a 48yr old blk male with a beautiful blk wife of 25yrs,and she feels the same way on this matter.
Comment by tatted2death on 9 February 2010:
wow….I had stayed away from this thread because I thought……well, I am not going to say what I thought. Just glad I decided to skate through here……Alot of misconceptions were cleared up…..THANKS
Peace and Blessings
tatted2death
Comment by Mr Laurelton Queens on 9 February 2010:
Yea keep skating by.
Until you realize your role as a woman. Stop trying to wear the pants and you can find a good loving man.
To bad there is not enough of me to go around.
Good day
Comment by SnapCracklePop on 9 February 2010:
Mr.Laurelton Queens,
I thought that was funny! A good man like you? You mean a cheap, tacky, no personality west indian? Let’s forget a man who complains like a woman on her period. I’m sorry but I don’t want a cry baby and I don’t want a man who pays more attention to the women on the web and in the world, than he does his own girlfriend.
I’d rather become a lesbian than date you.Your not the worst but your not the best either. Far From the best actually.
If your were such a “Good man” , why isn’t your girl such a good woman? Cause I highly doubt you have someone who can compete with any woman on here, white or black.
I don’t know who told you your a good man but someone told you wrong. You an OKAY man, not a good man and not one I consider marriage or even serious relationship material.
Sorry!
SnapCracklePop
Comment by bigeyes31 on 9 February 2010:
@boots
I just saw your compliment. Thanks alot for the “logic” comment on February 2. I’m glad you are sharing your ideas with us.
Peace
Comment by kiki on 10 February 2010:
the thing i hate so much!! is the fact that i like these guys of different races all the time! (im black by the way) i love asians and white guys, i just never know if they like black people! and i hate that because of all the things you here and see, i just never know if that person will physicaaly find me attractive like i find them attractive! i could always just ask, but i dont want to just be like “oh, do you like black girls?”ha.
i have know problem with interracial dating, i just wonder what the other party thinks. i know there out there (white and asians who like black girls) and just dont know when and where =/
Comment by SexyEyes on 12 February 2010:
I’m a black woman who is dating a white man…He has a great job as a firefighter (Captain). We have a lot in common and in October it will be two years for us. It seems as if we have a problem with the Black people more so any other race. We both love photography and enjoy going out taking pictures of whatever. I expect for black women to give negitive comments…but why? All other races seem to have over come the racism…so why are black people still speaking out about hate. If you come off as a person with attitude then you will be treated as the sort.
Comment by Bamababe2k9 on 13 February 2010:
@Bigeyes
From my experience white men don’t chase black women mainly because they think the majority of us wouldn’t be interested in them. I’ve had lots of white men tell me they always were interested in sistas but they were afraid to approach us because some of us have such a stank attitude about IR dating. We screw our own selves sometimes by not being open-minded.
In my opinion I think you’d see more white men dating black women if we would just be more open minded and stop worrying about why brothas date white women. To each its own I say.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 13 February 2010:
Yes, I do agree with that. I have been working on my overall approachability when it comes to other races of men. I’m just used to black men being naturally brave, but even they have told me that I seemed “cold” but that I’m very warm once they got to know me and they are glad they took the chance. I DO carry myself a certain way though.
Comment by Bamababe2k9 on 13 February 2010:
I’m shy. It’s hard for me to make or keep eye contact because I’m naturally shy. Online of course it’s easier.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 13 February 2010:
Oh and YOU…SHY…SAY WHAT??? The way you express yourself on some of the blogs,I’ll say you have ALL the extroversion you NEED,LOL. DRAW ON THAT when you talk to these men,honey,lol. Being Online does make it a bit easier.
Comment by msheartflwr on 19 February 2010:
Hi Eveyone,
I’m new to the site. I noticed from a teen white men were attracted to me more than my race. I finally decided to start dating white men. I find that I don’t have to hear stereotypes with white men. More and More black men, even if they are wrong and theres a heated discussion will use the angry black woman stereotype. Why are black women expected to let people run over them. As soon as BW stand up for something thats wrong they are angry. I got sooo tired of being made to feel I have to take everthing to be a nice black women when all I really was was being a fool to pretend I didn’t know he was treating me like crap. It seems black men are ok to say they are tired of angry black women. And I guess I just got tired of hearing so many stereotypes from black men or any minority. I find relationships with white men are so much easier. I don’t feel stressed. Actually white friends I have that are male. Say they love it that BW stand up for themselves some think it’s sexy lol.
Comment by wonka on 19 February 2010:
Well many Black women are insecure,it seems to me that it’s usually the black women who may be/appear to be bi-racial in their own right,that seems to have a craving for white dudes.I’ve seen so many black woman who are light-skinned,or really yellow
with hazel eyes,curly hair dating white guys.It’s
as if most(Not all)want nothing to do with color,you
all know what I mean when I say that.Many of these
(in my opinion)wanna be white girls tend to forget
where they come from,and when they get around their
own they want to put on a front for the white man.
However,when their around nothing but blacks they
all of a sudden want to fit in.Those Black woman
are fronters and no matter how mixed they are or may appear to be,if they have a black parent they
will always be part of the black race,and that show for the white man will eventually run it’s course.
I don’t care how white they act,or want to be the
white man will not hesitate to bring them back to
reality,in other words stay in your place.You may be
bi-racial or appear to be as such,but your still a
BLACK woman!!.To me interracial dating/relationships
is way pass overrated,too many people are doing it
and for the most part it’s just an opportunity for
them to say”oh well,my girlfriend/boyfriend is this
or that”who cares.Many of these people are still
prejudice and they are just experimenting,so please!
people who are we kidding here not WONKA!!.
Comment by wonka on 19 February 2010:
Not to mention,many black men are embarressing to be
with in public,because of the way they act and treat
woman.This makes it bad for the rest,and then there
is a stigma attached to all or the average black man
and it makes double hard for the good ones!.
Comment by Blueye on 21 February 2010:
OMG–lighten up!
Overanalysis leads to paralysis.
People should be free to exercise their freedom to date amd marry who they want, period. If someone else has a problem with that, too bad.
Comment by Drizz on 23 February 2010:
Im a white male and I love Black women. Most dark skinned black women seem to be attracted to me. I have dated a few and was surprised when they would say things like “I will never date another black man” I concluded that they never felt appreciated by black men. I would always compliment and daze at them for just being a beautiful woman. I know all the sterotypes and the trash talk that people believe about Black women. But I know its not true. The black women I was with were college educated, working, and very stong willed. I was surprised they were single and even more surprising liked me. Ha…I date a black woman now and I can really say “no matter what, she loves and stands beside 100%.In my opinion Black women are very loyal with love.
Comment by mecca77 on 23 February 2010:
oh oh here we go again..now to msheartflwr. look i had whites do the same thing. oh oh, the angry black woman, and some of us are angry. shit i am one of them..lol. i have reason to be. but that’s another oprah winfrey show. you have a lot to learn. i like challenges to prove people wrong and i have. i hear it. sometimes. i date multiculturally . my lover is irish american so what. everyone thinks hes a alkie and he does not drink see that sterotype.. ? hmmm. we all have sterotypes. but you know some of us have to admit , some are true . weather we like it or not. hey take things with a grain of salt. but when a black woman do get pissed off. yeah not all are not assertive. i seen so many of my sisters hold a lot of shit in. let it out. ! scream to you cannot scream anymore, shout howl at the moon dammit!! because i do, i do,i am like nina simone on a hot summers night. “and you know how i feel” i do not care when someone calls me a angry black woman. i am happy, with self. because you know why. i let go and let god. yes. i said it!.. but it’s a new day its a new life for me.
BE WELL.
Comment by mecca77 on 23 February 2010:
OH BY THE WAY WONKA YOUR CRAZY..
Comment by prrs77 on 24 February 2010:
After reading down this thread I am a little confused. I understand there are still people for whom interracial couples are an issue, but what could possibly drive someone to want to enforce that viewpoint on a site for interracial dating? As far as why a black woman might be attracted to a white man? Why not? I fail to see why it would even be an issue.
Comment by Matthew on 26 February 2010:
I don’t think black women are all necessarily angry, but I do think they are much more tenacious than most white women… And I find that incredibly hot
Comment by bigeyes31 on 26 February 2010:
@matthew
Yes, most black women have been taught that we have to be tenacious ,while still remaining loving and loyal,but so have other races of women.
Comment by bigeyes31 on 26 February 2010:
I’m so over the race of a man. I don’t care but I do have a preference for christian men along with being a trekkie,nice personality and very funny,etc. Those are THE HARD PARTS,LOL…race??Please.
Peace
Comment by Matthew on 28 February 2010:
@bigeyes31
This is off topic but in response to your preference for christian men… I’m not christian, in fact the most accurate word for me would probably be agnostic. My ex-girlfriend (who happened to be black) was very christian and it eventually became a point of friction between us. But on average I’ve noticed that black women (and men) seem to have very passionate feelings when it comes to faith, especially the christian faith. Would you say that’s true or am I just imagining things?
Comment by bigeyes31 on 28 February 2010:
@Matthew
Well, first off I would like to say that I’m sorry that things didn’t work out. Off topic????Have you read some of the OTHER blogs???LOL. Trust me, you are ok.
You are not imagining things, it’s true. I think you have to realize that for black people our faith has been a way of surviving under the pressures of being black in this country. It is also a very deep spiritual relationship with Christ who we believe is our hope. Christians seek to live by the Bible which we believe is God’s instruction manual,if you will, love letter, promises, encouragement and spiritual understanding of real-life problems from him to us.We believe that nothing should not and cannot separate us from Christ’s love. That means even other people, relationships not of God, sin,etc. I have said all this to try and make you understand how very,very important and meaniful our faith is.It can’t be taken lightly and is usually not by a true Christian. It is spiritual and deep in nature. So, naturally if someone you love doesn’t share that same connection….needless to say, there will be problems.
Comment by Matthew on 28 February 2010:
It’s not your fault things didn’t work, and it wasn’t just our differing views on faith that put a damper on our relationship (there were quite a few surprises that came out of the woodwork).
I actually used to be very involved in church activities and considered myself to be a devout christian but I became very disillusioned with the faith due to money becoming a very talked up issue in the Sunday sermons. But on the other hand, I’ve only been to churches that were attended and operated by white people. I’ve never been to a predominantly black church. The only knowledge I have of black churches is from movies and as we all know, movies aren’t quite real life.
I could get into a big existential debate but there’s probably a forum better suited for that. Wouldn’t want to get to far off topic LOL
Comment by bigeyes31 on 1 March 2010:
Well, this is what I try to remember when dealing with church. Christ is not the institution of church and all it’s legalisms;God didn’t create these, man did. I try to remember that my relationship is with Christ. Communing with him in prayer,reading and practicing the principles of the Bible are communion as well as worship. I believe if you do this,then you have church everyday. Afterall, Jesus said that the “church” was in us(believers). I tell people who refuse to pay tithes to the church, which is a tenth of your increase, because they feel like the preacher is just all about money.My answer for them and my own life is that I follow my father’s requirements. After I have obeyed him I’m am not responsible for THEIR disobedience.Now, it is our responsibility to examine the soil we plant in. In other words if this church is not doing what Jesus said we were supposed to such as feed the poor, take care of the widow,help those in need then it’s not good soil.Jesus said you will know them by their fruit in other words their actions,their results. They should be producing something if they are on the right track.Jesus said every man(mankind)will give an account for every idle word.Many people will stand before him and say well God, I didn’t do_____ because so and so wasn’t ______,but God will say… I gave you my word(instructions,my son, my love,etc.)why didn’t YOU do what I commanded?Why didn’t you follow me? Too many people look to men(Preachers,church). Men are fallable.Preachers are men.People in church are men(mankind) Jesus said look to him,follow him, not people or people in church. Watch their fruit, if it’s good then it’s okay to be inspired by them. Not every building erected in God’s name is about God. I remember that and it helps me.Many things will come to try and separate me from my faith but I keep in rememberance of whom I look to. I experienced some years ago, what we call in the southern penecostal churches, a “church hurt”,LOL. I know it sounds funny but bare with me. I became disillusioned by some things I saw and heard that I felt that shouldn’t be in in church. I almost threw in the Towel but instead I talked to God about it. I told him I was angry and hurt and asked him to heal me of the dissappointment and hurt. Over time he revealed to me just what I told you. I took my focus off him and put it on the preachers and the church.If you look to men, you will be hurt or disappointed. He had to let me learn the difference between him and people. I have learned that there are no perfect churches but there are churches with good ground and good soil. It’s OUR(believers) responsibility to get rooted in them.
It’s too deep to make short,sorry. You are right about the religious debates. I was drawn one in the “Why White Men Love the Black Woman” blog some weeks ago and I don’t plan on doing that again. That time it was an aethiest. I just tried to tell him it’s better to date someone who believes(or not believe) as he does. Next thing here comes all these debates about religion and what not. None of which had ANYTHING to do with what he originally asked. So I’m done.
Peace
Comment by bigeyes31 on 1 March 2010:
@Mathew
the above post was addressed to you,sorry.LOL
See, I told you Christians aren’t perfect,LOL!
Peace
Comment by bigeyes31 on 1 March 2010:
ONE more thing. Yes, I had a bad experience but it didn’t negate ALL of the MANY,MANY good experiences that I have had ever since! Interesting…
Peace
Comment by msheartflwr on 1 March 2010:
Hi mecca77,
Thanks for responding to my comment. I do agree with you on most of what you are saying. There are angry black women, but there are angry women of other colors. The problem I have is society has made the black woman the poster child. I feel as if our culture started it. Possibly the men. I get so tired of watching a movie and the only angry person in it seems to be some angry black woman. The one that comes to mind right away is “Norbit”. Not that thats a perfect example lol. But I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. I enjoy being treated well and with respect as any other woman and everytime I want to say something I disagree with why should “angry black woman” be the issue and not the real problem. I’ve been blessed I haven’t come across any white men to say angry black woman to me. The White men I have been around. Actually wanted me to tell them what I was feeling. It felt alot better having the subject be about what I felt. I communicate much better with someone who actually cares about me, not just deflecting the issue with steretypes. So far I’ve found that in White Men. They seem to want to protect and understand the women in their lives more instead of putting her down. Thats just what I’ve experienced.
God Bless
Comment by wonka on 2 March 2010:
BOO!!,I’ll go have a couple of beers now!!!.
Comment by Charisma on 6 March 2010:
Hi, everyone (msheartflwr) I am new to this site. I am a black woman who is very attracted to white men. I am very approachable and have always been very friendly all my life. I’m always smiling because I have an inner joy and that makes me very approachable. There have been many, many black men that have tried to pull me down and abuse me because they had many hidden insecurities and I hung in there with them and tried to be of assistance in helping them in their lives. I am a passionate, loving, sweet, sincere woman. I am now continuing my college education and love to perform, model, love community work, and the financial industry. I get lots of attention everywhere I go in any cultural neighborhood and I am a dark brown skinned black woman. Many black men that i’ve dated would be jealous of the attention I get and were insecure when men would desire me and people liking me and they would not understand that I only had eyes for him and loved him wholeheartedly. I had to learn to love myself more because while loving these men, I would give them support in many ways, I would help them financially, have sex very often, cook for them, clean their homes, let them drive my mercedez (when they could’nt keep their car), give them encouraging words all the time, be nurturing, etc. and my pay backs would be for them to abuse me. President Obama addressed the black nation when he was running for president and stated that he will help and encourage the black man to get themselves together and start taking care of their responsibilities when he becomes president. What happened to the black man? Why don’t most of them want to even take care of their children? Why are more than 50% of black males not graduating from high school? Just want to hang out and walk around looking like a clown with sagging pants and speaking half words that you don’t understand. Where are the father figures and leaders to show these kids what to do and not to do at home and in society? Why are they shooting each other? The point I’m making is that there is a major crisis going on and I was never appreciated by black men and have seen it by many other women. I have researched and see these problems and conditions as I work as a community leader. Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are some good black men hiding out there in a field, but by what I see and by talking to a lot of women, even my white women friends who have dated black men, most don’t feel appreciated by a black man and are just torn down by his fake ego. I understand msheartflwr when she said that most of the white men that she’s been around or have dated seemed to care about her feelings. I have never been or been told that I am a angry black woman, any woman, though and the ones who are angry would be angry if she continuously try hard to help a man, but in return gets run over by a truck with him being the driver and if she gets pregnant, she becomes a b__ch to him and she has to raise kids alone (making sure the boys don’t get in gangs and learn about manhood coming from a mother who is a woman and trying to teach the girls about men as a single mother), like the ridiculous # of over 70% of black fathers are not raising their children, that # is totally ridiculous!!! (no responsibilities!) I’m not going to put any race on a pedestal, but I have better intellectual, fun, fulfilling conversations with white men and they seem to appreciate me more. I’ve been attracted to the white male since I was a little girl and fantasized about marrying Joey McKintyre from the singing group, “New Kids on the Block” when I was 12 years old. I will not be abused again, just for loving a man wholeheartedly, I don’t care what color he is. I just know and even Obama knows that there is a major concern with the black male right now.