Sex with an Ex...Good Idea or Recipe for Heartache?
Now I know that I'm not the only one on this ...'cause I was not alone when it happened. There is something to be said about the old and familiar. You KNOW that they are not MR or Ms. Right...but, is it alright to go back for "just one night"?
Now you know that Leticia keeps it real with you. So, as I asked the question, my first notion was to say..."Everyone knows the answer to the question is NO". However, after more thought and asking the MALE me, (my best friend), his opinion, I've come to the conclusion that Yes, there are times that it is okay to go back...for just one night. Here's when:
- There are no batteries and the electricity's out
- You're on a serious diet and chocolate and a pint of your favorite ice cream is out of the question
- You've already had your limit of colon cleansers for the month
- You've cleaned your house, organized all your files and helped at least 2 friends do the same
Okay, maybe those are pretty extreme situations, but you get my drift right? I'm sure that there are a few people that can handle the emotional baggage that comes with slipping back into the familiar, even when you know that the road leads to a dead end street.
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Now I already know that there are those among us that will argue that it's only sex. And to that I would say you are right. However, how many times have you had a sexual experience and walked away from it thinking, "that was great, just what I needed, end of story"? Probably not as many that walked away thinking, "why did I do that? What was I thinking? I' can't believe I fell for that again!"
It's not just women that regret having sex with an ex. Men may enjoy the physical for the sake of what it is, but the regret sets in when and if they have a partner that takes that encounter and reads more into it. Then they are forced to be "the bad guy", because not everyone was on the same...page. Or worse, they read more into it, because every man knows that women ONLY have sex when they care deeply for a man...so, she must still care...wrong!
On a serious note, having a "one-nighter" with an ex, might be okay, when both parties understand that it is just a physical thing. That its easier and safer than going to a bar and picking up someone new, that you know that the experience is going to be gratifying for the most part, (everyone knows what the other is working with), and because you once had an emotional connection, there are probable still traces of that there.
The key is in the communication. But, with all the benefits that come with having a "safe" sexual encounter with your ex, there is always the "B" side. You may both agree that this is all about the "booty"; however, the brain has a funny way of working. If you think its okay to go back and indulge yourself for one, two or a few nights with an ex, when does it stop? When will you honestly allow yourself the real chance of meeting the right person to give it a shot with?
Think of it this way, while you're living for the moment with someone that you already know is not going to be a permanent part of your future, what is your future doing? How many times have we found the right one and thought..."I wished I'd met you earlier", you couldn't...you were still in bed with your past!
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80 responses to "Sex with an Ex...Good Idea or Recipe for Heartache?"
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grace says:Posted: 01 May 08Sex with ur ex is very tricky. If you still have sex with ur ex ur not over him or her. I did it and it kept of bringing me down, to an extent i could not maintain another relationship. I woke and decided no more sex, no more communication and am off with a nice dude. Sex with ur ex is not worth it; If you are not together why bother and torture your emotions.
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majesticone says:Posted: 22 Apr 08well, BAD IDEA. as much as the sex was decent with my X and I, i have to say its not worth it to go back. and X is an X for a reason. if it was meant to be, he/she would have fought for you and the sex would mean more than just a quick bang. yes, it can be convienant but it can also hurt. because you ended it for a reason and someone got hurt out of that decision...
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fkoi says:Posted: 16 Apr 08I think that sex with an ex is almost always a better notion than it is a fact. I have remained friends with a couple of my exes, friendly with many. Almost straight down the line, once I untangled sex and love, I would call it a bad idea. Besides, I always think the next love might be the next great love and I have yet to meet a woman who has said, "This is lovely, but I sure wish you were shagging your ex!"
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sweetest1 says:Posted: 16 Feb 08Not a good thing... sooooo no a good thing!!
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misotall says:Posted: 05 Jun 07
I have had a second helping before leaving the table. Other times I go back and nibble a lil bit before it makes it to the fridge. Cold bites late at night out of the fridge can be tasty. Sometimes that tuna casserole tastes much better left over the 2nd or 3rd day and other times it's just plain nasty. ; )
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 05 Jun 07Fala, you know you are wrong...that was too funny!
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kenyanito says:Posted: 05 Jun 07UNME23, talking with your Ex.. you may coz there could be children involved but bedroom talks??.....Never its disaster guys...
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unme23 says:Posted: 28 May 07
i dont even wanna talk to my ex, so i would say sex is outta the question.
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D says:Posted: 22 May 07I don't care if the sex was good-great or whatever befor-If we are not together like others have said,why would I want to go down that road again-geesh I do try to think with the big head and not the little head anymore lol SEX is emotional as well as physical. Get to my mind you have my heart, get to my heart you have all of me.
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candyfloss7 says:Posted: 19 May 07I can't ever have anything to do with my ex... if he's my ex.. then he should stay in the past. There must have been something that caused the break up and i'm not willing to go down that road again. It's must definitely a recipe for disaster!!!
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kenyanito says:Posted: 18 May 07
An ex... is disaster in the making. Why disappoint the futures by going with Ex's...
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blkbeauty31 says:Posted: 14 May 07
Been there dont that! It is familiar to go back to an X, but as the article mentioned, chances of being emotionally prepared for Mr. Right are slim. Good article thought...I enjoyed being reminded to wait for the right person to come into my life.
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nicefella115 says:Posted: 08 May 07
i have to agree with sweetnes and fala, unme23 you are bad!!!!
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imablady says:Posted: 03 May 07
if you decide to have sex with a ex buy stock in Mortin because you are going to need it i dont think the headache is worth it
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 01 May 07
Thanks so much Jade and Fala. You ladies are living proof that there are good women like us out there. Keep thos positive vibes flowing! We have to keep setting that good example for women like us everywhere :)
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Jade74 says:Posted: 01 May 07Happy Birthday Cocokisses.Hope you are blessed to have many more.Thanks for being a very nice lady and so positive.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 29 Apr 07
okay y'all, say it all together...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO COCO :) Dang I am gettin old :)
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NICEFELLA115 says:Posted: 25 Apr 07
why have sex with an ex, when there is plenty of new fish.
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fala says:Posted: 24 Apr 07
I'll second that Sweetness20. Unme you are very bad!
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nicefella115 says:Posted: 18 Apr 07
it only gives her more of a reason to stop by more. so i would say nooooo
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Tamara says:Posted: 18 Apr 07I think it is a definite recipe for headache. I have done it and when the whole deal is done you usually feel like crap. Well, needless to say even though i felt like crap i still did it again, because hey the sex was the bomb, lol.
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 18 Apr 07
A recipe for another mistake...after all, why are they your ex to begin with?
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2ute4u says:Posted: 16 Apr 07
well it's a challenge all around to find someone for the in - between time and i find sex w/an ex is safe r than going elsewhere becuz of familiarity ...sure is better than me doing myself...lol
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pleasjure13 says:Posted: 13 Apr 07
Coco I enjoy you a lot...I am a kidder and find having fun with you extremely delightful...lol
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 12 Apr 07
Pleas...nope, nope nope...not gonna happen...no way, no how. Now if that "friend" and I decided that we should date, all that other stuff would follow...someday. I'm not the type to be looking for my next ex already, so no bumping for me...LOL
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pleasjure13 says:Posted: 12 Apr 07
errr...what if you never had sex during the relationship? Then started being bumping buddies ....heeeeeeee.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 11 Apr 07
Pleasjure, you know, some of us have this thing about going backwards. If we ended as friends, why ruin that friendship by being bumping buddies? No sireee...that is NOT for me!
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Great posts Majestic and Grace