"Is it OK to lie on your profile?"...
You know that I'm a big fan for dating your preference. Even if that preference is limiting you. It's always your right to choose. It's easy for us hopeless romantics to say that everyone should be open to the possibility of love, no matter where it comes from. Would you lie to get the chance to meet someone or to go out on a date? Just how far are you willing to go to find what you're looking for?
Hey, this is your girl Leticia and let me first say I'm sorry that I've been cheatin... Please understand that I do it so you don't have to. I was checking out this forum on another site and there was a guy looking for some advise. Basically, he wanted to know if and how he should approach this woman who had a filter set on her preference to not date anyone over 75 miles away from her. He was twice that distance. He seemed to think that she was his "dream woman", but couldn't get a email to her because of the sites restraints and her filters.
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As you can imagine, folks were saying everything from "move on" to "change your zip code". In other words, "lie" to at least get her attention. So, here's my question to you...Is it ever worth lying to the other person, just to get your foot in the door? Isn't there always going to be some kind of reason or justification that you can make in the name of "true love" or in this case...the "potential of it"?
Where do you draw the line when it comes to giving out information? Do you believe that omit- ion of the truth is still a lie? See, I hear all the time that women hear the truth, know what the truth is and still move forward with the hope that she will be able to "change" the truth to fit her needs. I also know that guys (more than a few in my experience), will tell you just enough of the story to support their point and leave out the vital parts that will change your understanding and perception all together.
There is a thin line between doing "whatever it takes" and manipulating a situation to get what you want. I have to admit that I'm somewhat conflicted when it comes to this guys particular dilemma. On the one hand if he feels so strongly that she could be "the one", based on her profile, picture and that good 'ole gut feeling, than doesn't he owe it to himself to be able to find out?
On the other hand, if he really thought enough of her, shouldn't he respect her wishes to only date guys that live within a certain distance to her? Doesn't her preferences matter?
You know that I'm a big fan for dating your preference. What if that preference is limiting you? It's always your right to choose. It's easy for us hopeless romantics to say that everyone should be open to the possibility of love, no matter where it comes from. The reality for a lot of people is that long distance relationships don't work for them. There could be time restraints or family issues that will prevent them from ever moving so why tempt fate. What happens if they are perfect for each other but unable to move? Wouldn't that be worse than never knowing there is someone out there for you?
I really enjoy playing devils advocate sometimes. The truth for me is that I always believe that there's a way to do what you want, have what you want and be all that you want. It first starts with KNOWING what you want and then making the decision to do whatever it takes to make it happen.
I'm curious, would you be angry or flattered that a guy/woman would go through such lengths to get to know you better? Is it ever okay to tell a "little lie" to get in the door as long as you come clean as soon as possible?
This is Leticia, and I think that if the only thing you can do to get someone's attention is lie...you're not thinking hard enough.
72 responses to ""Is it OK to lie on your profile?"..."
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sweetsexy001 says:Posted: 04 Sep 08Although, it may be tempting to lie to get someone's attention, nothing will turn out good that starts with a lie. Honesty is always the best policy. If its meant to be something will happen to make sure that they get meet each other. I'm a die hard romantic at heart. I also believe that the Lord blesses us in his own time. When its thew guy's time, he will be blessed with the love of his life.
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im1234 says:Posted: 31 Aug 08
Believe fate holds no promise to anyone so when opportunity knocks wisely make a judgement call because fate and late knows nothing about hearts desire or hurts of prior. Good can be hurt bad devastate, but true love is to go all out for.
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theonly14u says:Posted: 30 Aug 08I don't think it's ever ok to lie on a profile. The person you lie to maybe the one for you. Then it may be too late. Is he/she going to trust you now that you have already lied to them??
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missy says:Posted: 30 Aug 08
I don't think it's ever a good thing to lie on a profile. Honesty and trust is the foundation of any realtionship. If you lie, of course, it leads to trust issues. You never know the person you are lieing to may be the right one. You don't want to start any realtioship off on the basis of a lie. As they say, if you tell one, you have to tell more to cover them up.
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navymoon1 says:Posted: 28 Aug 08When is a lie ever good. Lying on your profile can only lead to embarassment for both the liar and the respondee. I was in contact with someone on this site who lied from one end of the spectrum to the next. I mean this guy really took it to the next level - his photo, his weight, his age, he was married, etc. etc. There are opportunistic predators on every site. Be careful what you say, and how you say it.
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Marc says:Posted: 28 Aug 08Leticia, I agree with you. "If you lie it means you are not thinking hard enough." Love it! But, I think we are alll missing another point. The spiritual side. If a woman says for example I only want a guy who lives within 20 miles of my area.....well, to me, as a guy, it is telling me she thinks she is all that, that she can even be so picky. 2-It also shows she wants something convenient and isnt willing to work at it or be inconvenienced, so she is already doing you a favor. 3 Spiritually......if someone is meant for you, the universe wouldnt have that woman putting in qualifiers that would dis-clude you. So as another poster said...it shows weakness. It also in my opinion shows you dont believe in an abundant universe, that another someone is waitng for you. And I will tell you the truth, the only time I ever thought about lying was because the woman was so gorgeous I knew I was basing my desperation on looks alone. Lets be truthful, no guy is going to lie to get an obese woman who wears polyester spandex pants that has pimples! He is going to lie to get the "Beyonce" type. Also, if you are not blocked from sending someone too far away an email...put in the header something cute like......."I live in China but I will swim to you", and then explain right away in your email where you live. Then by being honest, she might be flattered you are willing to travel to get her! The truth is, the pickier the woman is, the less chance you ever have in reality of making it work in real life. So, sometimes you gotta be grateful for the tipoff and move on.
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kenyanito says:Posted: 27 Aug 08sorry dude but you knew that it would one day come to an end...pls be yrself
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Dude says:Posted: 18 Aug 08Fella,this is a true story,I met my dream baby down home in Nigeria in a bus while going for a soccer trail.She is everything I needed in a woman (BBB)but I lied to her,as a matter of fact this queen of a girl starts looking for me but I countune to lie more to protect the previous lies,untill one day she saw me playing a soccer match in TV,too bad for me the match where going on in her state,my queen came down to the stadium waiting to see me with truck load of abuse.I missed the girl because I lied to her forgetting that am a soccer player then and might appear in television one day.so fulks its very bad to lie and since then I have never meet any lady of her quality.
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Fearlesscrus says:Posted: 17 Aug 08
Most of you are completely overlooking the fact that the lady's 75-mile limit was a PREFERENCE, not an absolute. How many of you know the difference? Some of you set up the man as a straw man just so that you could knock him down. Leticia belabored the point that it was a preference, and you STILL didn't get it. Now, to answer her first question, which most of you also overlooked, I would be highly flattered if a lady "went the extra mile" for me in a case like this. Certainly honesty is paramount, but when you overlook essential parameters in this example, then you are changing the question and your answer is misleading...and in effect, a lie in itself. And one of the reasons we have a 50-60% divorce rate is because most of you put so many restrictions on who you think is right for you (i.e. "must be 6'3") that God can't send you the one He knows is your perfect match. It's okay to have preferences, but beware of letting petty preferences keep you from finding happiness with the right person.
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Jabali says:Posted: 17 Aug 08
I saw this girl on this site. I thought and I still think SHE was the one. However, she was not looking for a person with my racial characteristics (we happen to be the same race). Yes, yes, I know this is an interracial site, but somehow I still felt she limited herself in THAT particular instant...;-) Anyway, would I lie to get a foot into the door. Hell NO! Firstly, because I'll get caught (naturally) and secondly, and more importantly one has to respect the other person's preference if you REALLY love them. That's just me.
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MzDiane says:Posted: 16 Aug 08I would have to say that lying is always going to set you up for problems somewhere along the way.....because someone like myself doesn't forget much and I will call you on details that have "changed" over time. Honesty and being "real" is always the best policy in my eyes, I'm too old for games and as a society that has turned to dating online.....your profile is what we look at first. If you lie, everything that follows is based on those lies.
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BJ2 says:Posted: 15 Aug 08
If you have to lie you dont need to be together, and my momma told me if you tell half the story or truth its just as bad as lien. its goin to come out some how, you should just tell the truth from the begining. and to lie online is out of desperation not love unless you already knew that person some time in your life. i dont believe this hopeless romantic BS its as simple as some/alot havent found their ideal partner.
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unnikrishnan says:Posted: 15 Aug 08
One should be truthful while dealing with relationship.This is handling of emotions and not fantacies.
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Luebella says:Posted: 13 Aug 08
I, personally give bonus points for honesty, even if its something that I may not be game for. More points are given and another bonus round if you have a good reason for thinking you are the exception to my rules. It may be a clever way for you to get my attention, but you got to be pretty darn special to keep it.
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kenyanito says:Posted: 12 Aug 08
oh..Joe...lies keep on building and whenever one has been started you don't stop untill you can't get out of it..i am happy that you are 110% sincere..we just need to prove it
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gw44 says:Posted: 12 Aug 08lying to get ahead is just wrong no matter how far it will get you or what type of head your getting,honesty is the only way. lying shows disrespect to the other persons and will only last awhile until you have to lie again to cover the first lie.if i have to lie to get you then i dont need you thanks gary
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joe says:Posted: 11 Aug 08no i don;t think a person should lie ? i myself am very honest and truthful about what i say on my profile it;s all %110 true let;s get together or send me some one and i;ll prove it thank you J O E
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LoveMyJeans says:Posted: 10 Aug 08
Lying on your profile is just plain wrong, and it will bite you in the azz or other places everytime. If you lie about your height or weight or hair (anything immediately noticeable when meeting in person) that calls into play what your true character is. If you would lie about something so obvious, what other lies are you keeping from me? Even the truths you told become suspect, so just dont do it. It never impresses the other person. How many times have you said, "I really want to be in a relationship with a man/woman who will lie to me."? Tell the truth, know that the person accepts you for you, and just be happy with that.
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Takeila says:Posted: 10 Aug 08
No I do not think it is ok to lie on your profile at all. People misrepresent themselves over the internet all the time. Which makes it hard for the people who rather do the online dating. I know I am not the type to approach someone and ask them out on a date. I am too shy. So I come on here and I don't want to be disappointed if someone lies to me. If you lie about one thing you will lie about another. Then there is a chain of lies. I want to meet you and not your representive.
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Sovoluptuous says:Posted: 09 Aug 08
No i don't think it's ok to lie on your profile about anything not even a little bit..You will meet that person oneday and then what? Everything would have been a lie...So just keep it honest no matter how harsh it may seem to some people,Be yourself.
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Emmce says:Posted: 08 Aug 08
I agree with RAE56. Aside from that, I don't think the guy's intentions are pure, in that he believes she is the one, she has a limit on distance and I would hope that he is willing to go out of his way for the relationship if it would come to that...but to say a lie is a lie is a lie we have to examine the situation to see what the motives are.
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TG says:Posted: 07 Aug 08Yeah, Lying is a big no no in my book. However, I must say that I've dated a guy that has lied to me initially and then immediately came clean. You girls know the ole, ' Naw I was just kidding' routine. He was a great person. So maybe the converse is to open up the possibilities but not limiting our dating pool.
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Lee-Anne says:Posted: 06 Aug 08
I would have to say there's no excuse for lieing. Lieing will come back to bite you in the A$$, and anything started on a lie will be twice as hard to maintain and or fix, trust is a major component in starting and continuing a successful relationship, once that's broken what have you got? And if you have to lie to get someone to notice you and like you, then that just screams out to me insecurities and or whats your game? If I have to stop and question someones motives then that to me is to much hard work, and I would have to move on. I have met guy's from online, who I have found out later have lied on their profile and its frustrating because being decieved isn't a nice feeling, to me it shows a lack of respect by not being upfront with me and letting me decide whether you are the exception to the rule. Your also wasting my time if its a major lie. Being honest is the best way, if it dosn't work out or go anywhere then at least you know you were true to yourself. Don't ever try and convince someone else that you are worth it convince yourself! ...and like they say you have to go through a few wrong ones so you can appreciate the right one when they come along.
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Morningflower says:Posted: 04 Aug 08
Telling the truth is so much easier! Unfortunately, I have had guys lie to me the instant they sent me a message.. then we decided to talk on the phone, meet etc and they had to go back and "clarify a few things" - It hurts so bad because there are those of us that are giving online dating a try to find true love.. which requires honesty as you would in "a real-life situation" - So no.. Its absolutely wrong to lie, its unethical, immoral, dumb and oh yeah.. I think you would also file it under "False Advertising"
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kenyanito says:Posted: 01 Aug 08
many who have lied have been on the receiving end...why end that way?
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mitch says:Posted: 31 Jul 08
a lie is a lie...period. you can't unring the bell....The first lie is the hardest...then they become easier to justify...cut to the chase...don't lie, have more value for yourself...thats my opinion
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JP says:Posted: 31 Jul 08
It would be great to live in a perfect world. I do agree with everyone about telling the truth in real life and in profiles. However, what about another real issue of people making up decisions about you and your potential on the basis of very limited information. I am one of those people who had been punished by being honest and open from the begining. How about the fact that most people don't believe you when you tell the truth anyhow? We all have theories about the "tell all truth up front" issue but the facts don't lie. Divorce rate is at a steady 50-60% so we must be doing something wrong in the area of selecting mates. I say we don't approach people with an open mind and prefer to screen them because "we know better". Apparently we don't. Do you still think telling truth, and only truth is the way to go?
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sortaann says:Posted: 30 Jul 08
when a person crosses the line, and not respecting what the other person specifically stated they want; is just plain disrespect and unethical. I would be more concern though, about someone’s Job….age…Educational Background….. Status single/ married etc. We are imperfect human being, and all tell little dry lies. It’s not really ok…but for a zip code??...... You might be missing out on your future husband!
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laughsailor says:Posted: 30 Jul 08
Lying cheapens yourself and is just plain dumb. It comes out in other ways, as has been pointed out, above. I see many profiles of really terrific women who don't want to move for love and they're not for me. In my case, I'm looking for someone to extensively travel with - A woman who won't move for love certainly will have a problem traveling most of our lives!
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ivoryknight says:Posted: 30 Jul 08
sad to say people don't always know what they want and many times limits are set as nagotiable in a person's own mind.i changed my zip code to contact a woman on POF because of her filter but explained and appoligized in my initial email why i did. turned out she was glad i did . i've changed my age because i look much younger but again have straightened the matter out right in the initial contact and the normal reply ,(i don't know if it's because they see my pic), but usually they are fine with it and say well age is only a number.i've also been accused of lying when telling the truth about my age,LOL. i always used to say slim /slender but somehow a bbw got thru to me and i thought well she does seem interesting and we clicked when we met. i think you can breach someones limits but applogize and explain you know you outside her criteria but you just had to tell her how beautiful she was or what a fantasic profile she has but if she chooses not to wtite back you won't bother her again. read of an experience whether on here or another site of a woman meeting a man at a club finding him very much to her liking him but to her surprise when she got home and found him on the mutual site they were on she found she had given him the coup de gras with "sorry but i don't think we'd make a good match" conclusion on all this? go figure.
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jewboy01 says:Posted: 29 Jul 08you know what i am in complete agreement with you on this subject. i too amm a hopeless ROMANTIC and hope people hear you loud and clear. thankyou
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kenyanito says:Posted: 29 Jul 08
Lies have an end..what then? Just be yourself
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Catmanwils says:Posted: 28 Jul 08
Lie to get someone interested in yourself is a sign of weakness. Be truthful and you might find out that the person may change their mind about how far they may want to go to get to you.
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blue1 says:Posted: 28 Jul 08A lie will only ruin future happenings. Be smart tell the truth and see what happens
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Meron says:Posted: 28 Jul 08I would be a "Flatter" Case! But to a certain extent! I just tried to meet with someone that I have been in contact with for 6 months and I know think that he may be misleading or stretching that "truth". I still may chat or talk to him in the future because I feel strongly about out timing and him possibly being that one man for me! Yet, I need him to be honest if he is not who or where he is supposed to be. I may still be attracted to the "REAL" Him! Just my reasoning! Guys, Please try not to flat out Lie! You will eventually need to visit that item that you have distorted!
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Rae56 says:Posted: 27 Jul 08Personally, I don't see a problem with a person changing their zip code in order to get an e-mail through, as long as they come clean in the very first e-mail regarding where they truly live and why they changed their zip code. I would think that some who are less rigid, would find the whole thing rather humorous and endearing. We resort to any number of ploys in the name of love. Women, do you wear make-up, padded bras,dye your hair, have cosmetic surgery, wear hair extensions, etc? Men, do you wear shoes that have a little higher heel, dye your hair, have cosmetic surgery, use viagra for other than medical reasons, pad your...ummm...well you get the point-- you're using a ploy to enhance who you are and attract a mate. But as far as telling an outright lie, it's never ok. if you have to resort to the changing the zip code ploy, be honest just as soon as you get your e-mail through.
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Carolina says:Posted: 27 Jul 08
No It is never ok to Lie to get what you want In short it shows no Respect for the other person.I agree with the others
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blkbeauty31 says:Posted: 27 Jul 08No! It's never OK to lie on your profile. A lie is a lie is a lie!
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girlsixdiva says:Posted: 26 Jul 08Lying on your profile is wrong. DUH. It's the same as lying to the person in real life.
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Latrelle says:Posted: 26 Jul 08
Well, it so happens that lying just never is an option. One lie does lead to another, and true relationships are based on honesty and trust, so lying would eventually dstroy the connection. I was involved with a guy who was a real 'sweetarte' who had a clever way of twisting the truth whenever it suited him. Needless to say, the trust I placed in him slowly eroded away. There's something to be said about the statement: "Be sure your sin (ie. lie) will find you out...."
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Toye81 says:Posted: 26 Jul 08
If this guy is serious and so sure she is the one, then he should move closer. He can try lying, but eventually she will find out, at which point, I hope he won't be expecting her to pack up and move closer to him!
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Lindat1219 says:Posted: 26 Jul 08I beleive in telling the truth in my profile and I go by what good friends know about me and have said to my face . I am hopeing when I am in search for someone which is my soulmate to be honest in there profile . I do not beleive in lieing or playing head games .I want to give everyone the chance to be heard and tell me more about them . Because everyone is special in there own way . When i made my profile i typed from what i wanted from my heart and what i would do for a man . I have experience people who do lie in there profile . This is what i would say be confident in who you are and go get your soulmate and be happy and make it work . I feel good when someone is honest in there profile because it is a start to many good things and when i email them and they answer questions i have from the heart . You just know . SMILE
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Pia65 says:Posted: 26 Jul 08
I don't think its ever a good time to lie...simply because when it comes to the light....and they do/will...it will be harder to trust that person again. She has her reasons and I suspect that they are much like mine...long distance relationships don't work...I went through that and he cheated and wouldn't admit it to me until I had proof to throw in his face and he finally couldn't deny it! Trust is only a few letters, but it carries a lot of meaning and don't fool yourself or the object of your affection...no one wants to be made a fool of!
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camway1369 says:Posted: 26 Jul 08
Well you might say that just you are just bending the truth a little to get your foot in the door, but in calculating this little truth bending event we never look down the road see the destructive effect. When the truth does come out it destroys some part of the relationship. One of thoses part is trust. When trust is broken it is the hardest road in the world to fix if it can be fixed and even when you believe it to be fixed you feel that you need to pay special attention to it from that point on. One of the essential ingredients of a relationship is trust, you just have to have it otherwise there is no relationship there can be no romance, you will not make it. Starting out with a lie is a is a definite way to put your relationship in a coffin before you ever get of the ground. DON’T LIE it ain’t worth it.
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Riverflowing says:Posted: 25 Jul 08
I found this to be so true. It home with me. Letcia I am that guy who make that story up about myself to get the girl. I never thought of it as a lie but just a stretch of the truth. Some weeks back I did this to an amazinig female well it backfired on me. When I felt my stories where collapsing I started to tell more. I just got deeper in a mess. Then I turned around and leashed out at her and others for my mistake. so what did I get from it? I got nothin! Oh wait I did get something, a pain so deep inside of me for what I did there is noway to describe. I may never be able to talk to her again on friendly terms but I learned a lesson . DONT LIE!!! So fellas if you are really into a pretty lady be straight up with her about everything. If ya dont one lie becomes another. Then you find yourself in a world of pain. Peace!!!!!
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fkoi says:Posted: 25 Jul 08Let's see. She doesn't want to establish anything with anyone more than 75 miles away and he thinks that doesn't apply to him. Sure. She should jump at the chance to get with someone who has no more respect for her desires and opinions than that. 'Coz she probably has never experienced that sort of thing before. No. It's never okay to lie on your profile. Is saying I'm Italian going to make me less Irish? Will saying that I am an avid knitter going to make it true? You know if you say you are 6'3" and you are only 5'9", she is going to notice when you meet. Will she be so overcome by your charm and good looks that she would overlook the fact that you are a liar and figure that it won't happen again? I wouldn't.
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cutesaved1 says:Posted: 24 Jul 08
I don't believe it's ever okay to lie on your profile if you are attempting to establish something good and positive. Lies, in my opinion, are for game players. What happens once you meet? You can't take the lie 'back' and your respective mate may not trust you again. Relationships not built on trust are sure to crumble. What you put into a relationship in the beginning establishes what you can expect for the duration. Just my opinion.
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