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Can you stand the... Weight?

Posted by Leticia, 14 Jan

Being a size 18 in a size 8 world.

First...happy New Year to all. Leticia is back and I have a few things to get off my chest, stomach, thighs and where...back there too! Let me be very honest with you, I did not realize that this was as big a problem until I started to write about it. The truth is I was always this chunky cute little kid, (that is after I got back from Philadelphia for the summer...another long emotional story from my childhood, and an entirely different article). Now when I say chunky I wore a size 11, 12, 13 for as long as I remember. By no means was I the original Star Jones but I certainly was not her new bobble head skinny post-surgery twin either.

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That brings us to now, today, 2008. I'm searching around the internet for dating overweight and damn!! It is rough for the big folks out there. Which strikes me funny because according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), over 39.8 million American adults are overweight. Let me break it down ever further, over 57%, and in some studies, as much as 67% of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese. No wonder every time I turn on the TV there's an ad for Jenny Craig or some miracle "fat be gone" pill.

There seems to be yet another double standard when it comes to the sexes. Men can have "love handles", "extra cushion for the pushin", or a "spare tire". But, on a woman it's just plain "FAT". We see far more guys with "beer bellies" in a pair of swim trunks than we ever see a big girl in a bikini.

Right now, I want to talk about attitudes towards dating someone that is overweight. There isn't a person on this site or any other that understands as I do; the importance of personal preference. I get it!! What I don't get is how people can use their personal preference as an explanation or excuse for being mean, vain, stereotypical, or shallow when attempting to date on line.

Example; the other night I'm checking my email minding my own business and up pops the little message box...do you want to chat? Sure, why not? After no more than two lines of hey, you woman me man...he asks "so what are your measurements? Really, are you kidding me? Do you want to know my sign too? I get that my pic on my profile is very enigmatic, and it's done on purpose. However, if you READ my profile you'll see that I'm in a relationship and only here for friendships and (research).

Why then if you have READ my profile is it important to know what my measurements are. Or as MrSexyPerfectman with a fake model picture on his profile asked..."I mean are you big, fat, what?" I send him my picture. After another couple of minutes of him telling me how "hot" I am. I've already decided that this guy is a complete jerk and worthy of me "wasting a little quality time on. What then happens is that I allow him to get all "hot and bothered" because he didn't take the time to READ my profile. I abruptly end the chat with... ‘Good luck finding what you're looking for, bye!"

I really get that there are people that are looking for a physical relationship ONLY. Then there are those that want more than that, however, attraction is a major factor in every relationship. It's even harder on the internet because initially you can't be sure who or what you're really getting. What disturbs me is the attitude. The "I dare you big fat person for trying to find someone; you're wasting your and my time. No one cares that you're smart, financially secure, well educated, committed and true...you are FAT!" Uggggghhh!

Now dare I step out and take a shot at being called sexist, but it's mostly guys that do it. WHY is that? What, women don't care who they date? Someone tell me please, how do you get your point across and explain your preference without demeaning someone in the process. Not that there hasn't been times when I thought about changing my profile to read...ALL short, balding guys with a small penis and hasn't read a book since high school...need not apply!

Oscar Wilde said, "No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly". Leticia says, "Ugly is as ugly does...don't do ugly you are far too beautiful for that".

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66 responses to "Can you stand the... Weight?"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 10

    Statistics show that fat women have it many times easier than fat men. There is a large amount of guys that like fat women while there is no women that love fat men. That is just the way society is. In other countries that were poor, fat men used to be thought of as attractive because it was a sign of prosperity but not anymore. Pretty much world wide, fat women are highly accepted and can still be seen as desirable but fat men are the ugliest thing a guy can be. But what people tend to forget is that fat men often make better lovers because they don't have their looks to rely on and so they will try a million times harder to satisfy a woman that a real handsome thin guy. Plus being held by a fat man is much more comfortable than hard muscles and is more like a big teddy bear. I wouldn't suggest letting them on top during sex but I have heard from women that I have counseled that they are fun to ride and comfortable. Here is an article that may help you appreciate what a fat man can do for a woman that handsome thin men often don't bother to. http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KZEOVDJXSJXYOKALZPGXWFYDFQ/blog/articles/205268

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  2.   Majesticone says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 08

    i did not read the whole article because i already have an opinion about the way the majority of men view women and how those women let it affect them. i have NEVER been smaller than a size 10/12.. and i am not fat, in fact i am curvy. yes it is harder finding men who like curvy women now becuase we are so ficated on "look" these days. and if us women do not look a certain way, there is an immediate dissmal. i am guilty of that too but in a different way.. i do not like men who are extremely over weight. i do not like men that look like santa with skinny on top and bottom and a fat belly. but some of that is, because to me they look like they do not care enough about their appearance and are sloppy. at the same time, i do not need a guy with a washboard stomach, or muscles or look like hurcules. to me, those men over due it. i want someone that is natural. where they do not look like they are all muscle or fat and sloppy. today, we get carried away by it. women starving themself to look good on the camera or pictures and they look sickly instead. so who is to blame for this crazy stuff? we are, because if we do not feel good about ourselves, then nothing will make us happy.

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  3.   Ivy39 says:
    Posted: 13 Apr 08

    I read through all of the posts above and the majority of the comments are on target. I have been all over the spectrum regarding weight and I must say that 7 months ago I started more physical activity for wt. loss. I personally wanted look better in my clothes and not develop the health conditions associated with being overweight. If you don't like what you look like, work on it. If you like your size be it small or large, God bless and live a happy life. But for me, I wanted to make a change. I wanted to be physically active, and its been such a great stress reliever, something happens when push yourself physically to the next level, you hate when your doing it, but it feels so good once your done and completed the task. So remember that the "inner man" should be our guide not the external (man or environment). It just a challenge!

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  4.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 12 Apr 08

    Love yourself, but strive to be the best possible you

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  5.   frant says:
    Posted: 06 Apr 08

    you go girl Leticia. your article is spot on. Women with self-esteem shouldn't even be bothered what men or any other person says about their shape or size. The only truth that matters is what we tell ourselves when we look into the mirror. If you truly love yourself and believe you are healthy and beautiful, then you are beautiful.

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  6.   SK says:
    Posted: 05 Apr 08

    Unfortunately...some people think the size of my waist will determine whether or not there is good in my heart...Oh well. Some battles are worth fighting and frankly I'm sick and tired of it all.

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  7.   Cindie says:
    Posted: 04 Apr 08

    Yes, maybe being overweight IS "unhealthy", but so is being an anorexic, alcoholic, or drug addict! Why can't those skinny folks leave the bigger folks alone....keep their nasty comments to themselves? Really, it's not their business......we need to stay out of other people's bedrooms and off their scales.....I'm a size 12, and I LIKE being a size 12! I look good, I'm healthy, and feel much better than when I was a size 4.....

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  8.   lovely2see says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 08

    I love this article. I've often thought the same thing.

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  9.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 18 Mar 08

    I agree with some of the other comments here...people who are unhappy being over weight need to do something about it instead of complaining. Instead of complaining about it and go out and exercise and start eating healthy!

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  10.   BubLee says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 08

    I totally agree with you great article Leticia. I'm a BBW and I've personally decided when I place any profile to state that at the forefront, I was thinkin of going with "I beat anorexia", but decided against that as some people might not appreciate my twisted sense of humour. I have found being straight up from the start that I have brought more responses from men who appreciate a woman with more to grab on to(smiles)The thing is at the end of the day, if people have issues with it its exactly that... their issue. The problem I have with meeting men though isnt that I'm a bigger woman, it's that I'm confident and independant as well, and if I ever mention the fact that perhaps I would like to lose a few kilo's then apparently thats a hole in my confidence...not that I would like to be more healthier.(??? go figure) In conclusion I know I'm beautiful, I know I have alot to offer(a real lot lol) so if your a strong, confident man and look like tyrese or taye diggs hit me up...I'm joking easy tigers lol

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  11.   snehaseeli says:
    Posted: 06 Mar 08

    I don't think anyone has the right to judge another person's size. It's as bigoted as racism. There are alot of reasons a person doesn't "put down the donuts, cheetos and pizza". Some medical, some psychological (stemming from hateful statements made in anger). Women in particular who have a lot to overcome in life in general, should know that they are loved for who they are, not the fact that someone doesn't see them as attractive. What's UNATTRACTIVE is an uneducated opinion, that is spouted in public as a truth! It's hurtful, spiteful and small. That's MY "unattractive" opinion spouted as truth!

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  12.   OnlyOtter says:
    Posted: 05 Mar 08

    You know, I am not as physically attractive as I want to be, but, I am atractive in the way thatis best to be. Mentally. I never pretended to be Barbie. Genetics prohibits that. Broad shoulders, big butts and hips and thighs run rampid on both sides of the family. I mean, even men in my family have big butts!! Therefore, I learned early in life that I could use my best features, the one that no one could take away, manipulate or mangle. My personality and my persona. I have also learned that when you judge people by the way you look, you more than likely are missing out on the best relationship going. Now, my profile states that I am a bbw. That is no secret. But, if you are crazy enough to pass me up because of it, then you miss out on one hell of a woman. Big doesn't mean lazy, it just means that there is more to love pound for pound.

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  13.   Curious says:
    Posted: 04 Mar 08

    I would love to get down to a size 6 again, but I want to still keep a big butt and fairly big breasts, how do I do this? My target area is in my thighs. Ohh my legs are kind of huge and I can't really get rid of them. Should I lift weights are is there a machine for this target area?

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  14.   stacey says:
    Posted: 02 Mar 08

    Fat an Overweight is unhealthy and not good .I suggest you put down the donuts ,cheetos,pizza and excercise .Walk run skip jump until you are slim and happy ...Do you think it's okay for your thighs to rub and you skin to jiggle and flab hanging from every angle .Stop courting a pity party and simply put less food in your mouth .......The reason you are venting is because you need validation in your wrong doing

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  15.   Beth says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 08

    Wow, I totally agree with what you said. However, I have noticed that there are some men who do like larger women. I think what bothers me most is, a lot of men on dating sites think if you are large, you only want sex. I have been told that women are bad about this too. I personally don't care what a man looks like as long as he has a good heart. (Well, I don't want him to have horns and a tail. haha) I have seen both sides of this issue. I had a best friend who would not dance with someone unless they were a great dancer. She would watch them dance and, if they met her "standards", she would wait for them to ask her to dance. Sadly, this attitude caused her to be passed by several times, and she was a skinny blonde. I, on the other hand, would know these guys's life stories and she would be jealous. I told her I wasn't intimidating. I feel that we all (men and women) need a good lesson in how to accept peoples flaws. There is not one of us who is perfect. I was never fat until I got pregnant...several years ago. I lose, I gain. It's a struggle. I empathize with you, girl. I really do.

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  16.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 08

    i know somebody who has gained weight....me.

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  17.   Wes says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 08

    I like the article, but the same goes for women. There's nothing wrong with me, except the fact that I'm 5' 6" tall, and I'm not white. I've been rejected just based on this. I've been very frustrated about it, and I've realized women can be just as vein as men. At least, I've noticed that, as long as a woman is even slightly presentable, Any man will talk to her. Its not true the other way. Most women give me the cold shoulder without even hearing me out. the thing about being overly fat is not so much of a physical attraction problem, as it is a psychological one. It is usually a case where most people assume that a person who is fat cannot really be responsible, if they are fickle with their own health. Albeit a presumptuous claim, but it has proven in my case.

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  18.   pedro says:
    Posted: 23 Feb 08

    I think its hilarious how the article presumes its difficult for overweight people to date, and not a single poster has rebuked their personal proclivity toward dating overweight people. I dispute that very premise. Fortunately for all present I actually have the temerity to state the truth: being overweight is UNHEALTHY, and no matter how much any poster or the 60+% of the FATTEST country in the world love themselves for being overweight/obese this fact will not change. Its not easy being slim and fit. I hold myself up to the highest standards: I work my ass off at the gym for my sixpack and keep a strict diet, among other things. Why in the world would I ever date someone who looks in the mirror every single day, sees themselves getting fatter and fatter and simply ignores it? America is the laughing stock of the world people! Wake up. No other country has super-obese clinics for 800pnd beheamoths. 50/60 years ago there was no obesity in the US, now its endemic. This is a symptom of America's sloth. God may have created you the way you are, but I doubt he/she/it wanted you to stuff your body full of chemicals, chocolate and lard. Like Rome we feast and gorge on our wealth, and like Rome we will dissapear into the abyss of history. (if we keep blindly loving all that is so obviously wrong) NO! I can't stand the weight.

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  19.   nan says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 08

    I agree whole heartedly with your point of view.

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  20.   H says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    I am very slim but very curvy. I have always been skinny but curvy. I have a lovely figure and probably eat more than you so stop putting slim women down. There is nothing worse than a large, naked person. That's a fact.

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  21.   k says:
    Posted: 18 Feb 08

    I disagree. Most men don't want that slim and trim girl. I have been both ways and I have had more men look at me when I was thicker. Some men just want the one they can dominate regardless of her size.

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  22.   SWEETNES20 says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 08

    SOUNDS LIKE WERE GETTING PERSONAL IN HERE

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  23.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 08

    i guess im good then..lol

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  24.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 14 Feb 08

    All small penis men need not apply, lmao. Funny article

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  25.   Ashya says:
    Posted: 13 Feb 08

    Thank you enjoyed the article,

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  26.   Fala says:
    Posted: 12 Feb 08

    Don't you ever doubt it Pline. The only person that you need to make you happy is YOU!

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  27.   UNME23 says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 08

    u go pline.

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  28.   Pline says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 08

    The hardest challenge is to say I am pretty to myself, thanks for making me look in the mirror 1 more time and cracking a lil bit of a smile.

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  29.   JustBelieve says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 08

    I am a big girl with nice curves. I really have not had a problem dating men here in California. Yes, this is the entertainment center of the World, but there are many real men who want very real looking women.I have only had problems with men who had a preference for the "skinny Minnie, no curves type". I don't feel bad, because these were not my type of men anyway. I have dated some "Fine" men, from all kinds of ethnic groups, even from the entertainment industry.

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  30.   fala says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 08

    Very good point Liv.

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  31.   Kesh says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 08

    I think losing weight is really hard, and being plus sized women makes dating harder.

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  32.   nfl24 says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 08

    I believe that it's hard too lose weight but it's most of the time mentally. People start to work out and say they can't do it or find any negative thing to say that it's too hard. Everything in life is hard smoking, eating junk food. Just find your mental place and work from there stay postive don't try to lose everything in one month lose 5-10 a month then you will be in postive mind.

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  33.   PattyCake48 says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 08

    Letitica, I love your articles, but this one esp. hit home, and as I read the other comments, I could tell it also resonated in my sisters. I don't care what a person preference is, but you are right, they don't have to be so mean about it. I have been a size 14 for many, many years. It has just redistributed itself in different places, LOL. I'm trying to get fit and if I lose weight in the process that will be fine. I don't have a photo posted and I may never post one. I haven't decided yet. The reason I haven't posted isn't because of my size, it's because I want the other person to fine out who I am. I want him to want to know what my heart looks like. If that doesn't interest him, he's not interested in me. Keep up the commentaries, I love your work. God's Blessings on you and yours throughout this New Year and beyond.

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  34.   liv says:
    Posted: 05 Feb 08

    What you call does not really matter: Fat on women; beer bellly or love handles on men... There may be a double standard in the dating and in society in general, however there is NO double standard in the health costs of being overweight... they are too many to list but for starters: hypertension, diabetes, Cariovacular disease, sleep Disorders, stroke.... I fight the fat because I know that the more you weigh the easier it is to gain.. I am not "fat" (I am a size 0 to 2, who actually does eat) but I was "chubby" as a child and never want to go back.... I know that GOD wants me to care for and honor the body he gave me and I intend to do so. I don't think anyone should base their self worth on their weight, nor should they like pride in who they are as peolple... Please consider taking your pride to another level and take care of the only body you have.

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  35.   cocobaker says:
    Posted: 05 Feb 08

    First off, Leticia, THANK YOU for saying the things I've said for years! Secondly, there are some people who are urging you to love yourself. I don't get that, since you NEVER said you didn't! It cracks me up when some men say they want a woman who is a certain dress size or weight; for the most part, these same guys can't tell what that size or weight looks like! I'm a lot like outpass35, what I weigh and what dress size I wear has confused many a man. I've worn sizes as small as 8 and as large as 18(thank you, medication!), and even at my heaviest weight, I STILL didn't look like a "traditional" size 18; the fellas who tried to guess my dress size almost always guessed a lot lower than it was. It really chaps me when larger guys talk about refusing to date "fatties", then turn around and say that it's more "natural" or "acceptable" for a man to be plus sized than a woman! Even when I was that size 18, I was in shape, and lots of people forget that one doesn't have to be a size 8 or under to be in shape or healthy. I'm back down to the size 10 that I've been the majority of my life(I'm 5'10"-5'11" tall), and I'm content and comfortable at the 10/12 range, with no plans to be any smaller. No matter what size I am I'm sexy and beautiful, and quite a few chaps thought so too! For me, it's all in the attitude. Act like you deserve to be treated like crap, it will happen. Refuse to accept jerk behavior, it won't occur. Leticia has it right. The last thing I'll say is a "commandment" I learned many years ago. "This is my body, the only one I will ever have. I will honor and love it, no matter what size it is."

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  36.   Voluptuos1 says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 08

    You were created in God's image and designed by God. Be proud of what God created. If you have added some to what he gave you, and you don't like it, get rid of it! If you are OK with it, EMBRACE it, LOVE it, be PROUD of it, and most of all dance like no one is looking!

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  37.   trichique says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 08

    AMEN, I haven't been on here for a while - so definitely happy new year. I am noticing, it is supposed to be okay for the guys to be picky but not okay for the women/gals. What's up with that? Oh an here is a little story for you. a buddy of mine at another job location hung out all the time. People swore we were dating. i used to say hello..he has a wedding ring on his hand - haven't you noticed. And besides we are just friends. I didn't quite know what his wife looked like but I know he loves her and talked about her all the time. I finally met his wife, she was about 1.5 to 2 of me - i do not consider myself small. We had to do the woman thing - me letting he know I am so not interested in her husband, and of course her letting me know - he's hers. (we women get this). Once she saw I was basically a cool friend of her husband's with breasts, she was cool. I just thought to myself, I didn't consider my bud loved the large ladies. so hey it's all good. The internet does definitely open the door for more shallow-hood (is that a word). I'm guilty of it too. Thanks for this blog.

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  38.   Fkoi says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 08

    There's no doubt that women are under greater pressure to fit into a culturally preconceived notion of body size (give Twiggy a call). I overhear guys all the time negatively commenting on bigger woman when they could use a green salad or serving of steamed veggies instead of the fried mozzarella sticks and beer they are having. It's amazing that the species continues to propagate at all. At the same time both health and fitness are concerns. We live in a corn-fed culture and the effects on our health are devastating. Coronary disease, cancer and diabetes are all linked to our diets and exercise habits. Then there are the aesthetics. If you are the kind of man (or woman) who makes disparaging remarks about another based on their size, take a good look in the mirror. Then take a walk around the block a few times.

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  39.   Sharon says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 08

    LOve thy self first and you will be able to love others! Smiles, Sharon

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  40.   SWEETNES20 says:
    Posted: 01 Feb 08

    u go fella.

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  41.   nicefella115 says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 08

    gotta luv bbw.

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  42.   Sharon says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 08

    The size of one's heart is more important... Or how about the size of their brain??? Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  43.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 08

    As for myself being the size and wearing it is two different things I remember about two years ago I wanted to join a fitness club just to stay fit I worn a size 18 but by looking at me you could not tell I called the fitness center and they turn me over to an fitness instructor he asked what was my size I said 18 then he said what is your weight I said 218lbs then the slammer of it all how tall are you 5'6 he said yes you need to loose alot of weight he invited me to come in for a session I got there he was waiting but was talking with one of the other instructor he was talking about the fat lady he talked with early and that he was waiting on that lady was me. So I went over to introduce myself and he said you may want to talk with the front desk because I am waiting on a client that is in need of more help than you. Little did he know he was talking with his client I went to the front desk and told the clerk who I was and that I will join another fitness center that is not the way you treat anyone. He did call a day or so later and said he was sorry but I wanted nothing to do with the club at all.

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  44.   misschocolate56 says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 08

    Great article Latisha. I am a Big Beautiful Woman. I keep my pics updated so there's no question about what size I am. I've met quite a few gentlemen who like women with "substance". I did run across one guy who was rude and called me Miss Piggy because I didn't return his phone call. I left him a "nice" message, and then he tried calling me on several occasions afterwards. I'm dating a lawyer now who doesn't want me to loose these hips! He tells me he likes me just the way I am. So, to my BBW sisters and BHM brothers, don't fret, there are still people out there who'll love us for WHO we are as well as what size we are.

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  45.   tee says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 08

    I do agree totally about your article and I am a big man that loves himself a big girl which somehow makes me rare. When most men and some women date rather online or off they have a tendency to be arrogant as if their crap don't stink and its that mentallity that has all big men and women still searching for that special someone who can love them menatlly as well as physically.

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  46.   andi says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 08

    I totally agree that most men want that slim and trim woman. There are alot on men who claim they want a "real woman", but their ideas of what she should look like are unrealistic.How does a person expect to find a match on these sies when all they are looking is the photo. I have a few extra pounds on ,but that just means that there is more of my wonderful, charming, sexy self to love. If a man can't look beyond the physical and see that beauty comes in all sizes, it's his loss. "one man's chicken is a next man's steak!" that beautiful comes in all shapes and sizes

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  47.   SunnyD53 says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 08

    Good article! I am a 54 yr old BBW and I totally understand what you are talking about. I have had my feelings hurt more than enough times by insensitive men. I used to turn this hurt into anger and lash out. I then realized I was only hurting myself with this attitude. I made peace with my body and accepted it for what it is. Yes, of course I would like to lose some weight and tone up but it isn't in the forefront of my mind now. I have since realized that there are a lot of men that celebrate an ample woman's size. Once I threw away all that negativity, I changed within myself and my demeanor also changed. I was much more pleasant. I am very happy and content even though I still have not found my partner in life. To all you gorgeous BBWs out there.....don't ever put yourself down. God made you as you are and he thinks you are perfect. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body. If God had intended all of us to look alike he would have just cloned us that way, but we are unique, each and everyone of us. There is a man out there that will cherish you, love you, want you, desire you for the woman you are. Sending hugs to all of you!!

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  48.   sweetnes20 says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 08

    i think i will always be i big gurl, i can never lose a pound.

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  49.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 08

    great article...thanks.

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  50.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 08

    RIGHT ON ZION!!!

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