Can you stand the... Weight?
Being a size 18 in a size 8 world.
First...happy New Year to all. Leticia is back and I have a few things to get off my chest, stomach, thighs and where...back there too! Let me be very honest with you, I did not realize that this was as big a problem until I started to write about it. The truth is I was always this chunky cute little kid, (that is after I got back from Philadelphia for the summer...another long emotional story from my childhood, and an entirely different article). Now when I say chunky I wore a size 11, 12, 13 for as long as I remember. By no means was I the original Star Jones but I certainly was not her new bobble head skinny post-surgery twin either.
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That brings us to now, today, 2008. I'm searching around the internet for dating overweight and damn!! It is rough for the big folks out there. Which strikes me funny because according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), over 39.8 million American adults are overweight. Let me break it down ever further, over 57%, and in some studies, as much as 67% of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese. No wonder every time I turn on the TV there's an ad for Jenny Craig or some miracle "fat be gone" pill.
There seems to be yet another double standard when it comes to the sexes. Men can have "love handles", "extra cushion for the pushin", or a "spare tire". But, on a woman it's just plain "FAT". We see far more guys with "beer bellies" in a pair of swim trunks than we ever see a big girl in a bikini.
Right now, I want to talk about attitudes towards dating someone that is overweight. There isn't a person on this site or any other that understands as I do; the importance of personal preference. I get it!! What I don't get is how people can use their personal preference as an explanation or excuse for being mean, vain, stereotypical, or shallow when attempting to date on line.
Example; the other night I'm checking my email minding my own business and up pops the little message box...do you want to chat? Sure, why not? After no more than two lines of hey, you woman me man...he asks "so what are your measurements? Really, are you kidding me? Do you want to know my sign too? I get that my pic on my profile is very enigmatic, and it's done on purpose. However, if you READ my profile you'll see that I'm in a relationship and only here for friendships and (research).
Why then if you have READ my profile is it important to know what my measurements are. Or as MrSexyPerfectman with a fake model picture on his profile asked..."I mean are you big, fat, what?" I send him my picture. After another couple of minutes of him telling me how "hot" I am. I've already decided that this guy is a complete jerk and worthy of me "wasting a little quality time on. What then happens is that I allow him to get all "hot and bothered" because he didn't take the time to READ my profile. I abruptly end the chat with... ‘Good luck finding what you're looking for, bye!"
I really get that there are people that are looking for a physical relationship ONLY. Then there are those that want more than that, however, attraction is a major factor in every relationship. It's even harder on the internet because initially you can't be sure who or what you're really getting. What disturbs me is the attitude. The "I dare you big fat person for trying to find someone; you're wasting your and my time. No one cares that you're smart, financially secure, well educated, committed and true...you are FAT!" Uggggghhh!
Now dare I step out and take a shot at being called sexist, but it's mostly guys that do it. WHY is that? What, women don't care who they date? Someone tell me please, how do you get your point across and explain your preference without demeaning someone in the process. Not that there hasn't been times when I thought about changing my profile to read...ALL short, balding guys with a small penis and hasn't read a book since high school...need not apply!
Oscar Wilde said, "No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly". Leticia says, "Ugly is as ugly does...don't do ugly you are far too beautiful for that".
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66 responses to "Can you stand the... Weight?"
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pedro says:Posted: 23 Feb 08I think its hilarious how the article presumes its difficult for overweight people to date, and not a single poster has rebuked their personal proclivity toward dating overweight people. I dispute that very premise. Fortunately for all present I actually have the temerity to state the truth: being overweight is UNHEALTHY, and no matter how much any poster or the 60+% of the FATTEST country in the world love themselves for being overweight/obese this fact will not change. Its not easy being slim and fit. I hold myself up to the highest standards: I work my ass off at the gym for my sixpack and keep a strict diet, among other things. Why in the world would I ever date someone who looks in the mirror every single day, sees themselves getting fatter and fatter and simply ignores it? America is the laughing stock of the world people! Wake up. No other country has super-obese clinics for 800pnd beheamoths. 50/60 years ago there was no obesity in the US, now its endemic. This is a symptom of America's sloth. God may have created you the way you are, but I doubt he/she/it wanted you to stuff your body full of chemicals, chocolate and lard. Like Rome we feast and gorge on our wealth, and like Rome we will dissapear into the abyss of history. (if we keep blindly loving all that is so obviously wrong) NO! I can't stand the weight.
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H says:Posted: 21 Feb 08I am very slim but very curvy. I have always been skinny but curvy. I have a lovely figure and probably eat more than you so stop putting slim women down. There is nothing worse than a large, naked person. That's a fact.
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k says:Posted: 18 Feb 08I disagree. Most men don't want that slim and trim girl. I have been both ways and I have had more men look at me when I was thicker. Some men just want the one they can dominate regardless of her size.
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 14 Feb 08
All small penis men need not apply, lmao. Funny article
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Fala says:Posted: 12 Feb 08
Don't you ever doubt it Pline. The only person that you need to make you happy is YOU!
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Pline says:Posted: 10 Feb 08
The hardest challenge is to say I am pretty to myself, thanks for making me look in the mirror 1 more time and cracking a lil bit of a smile.
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JustBelieve says:Posted: 10 Feb 08I am a big girl with nice curves. I really have not had a problem dating men here in California. Yes, this is the entertainment center of the World, but there are many real men who want very real looking women.I have only had problems with men who had a preference for the "skinny Minnie, no curves type". I don't feel bad, because these were not my type of men anyway. I have dated some "Fine" men, from all kinds of ethnic groups, even from the entertainment industry.
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Kesh says:Posted: 10 Feb 08
I think losing weight is really hard, and being plus sized women makes dating harder.
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nfl24 says:Posted: 07 Feb 08I believe that it's hard too lose weight but it's most of the time mentally. People start to work out and say they can't do it or find any negative thing to say that it's too hard. Everything in life is hard smoking, eating junk food. Just find your mental place and work from there stay postive don't try to lose everything in one month lose 5-10 a month then you will be in postive mind.
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PattyCake48 says:Posted: 06 Feb 08
Letitica, I love your articles, but this one esp. hit home, and as I read the other comments, I could tell it also resonated in my sisters. I don't care what a person preference is, but you are right, they don't have to be so mean about it. I have been a size 14 for many, many years. It has just redistributed itself in different places, LOL. I'm trying to get fit and if I lose weight in the process that will be fine. I don't have a photo posted and I may never post one. I haven't decided yet. The reason I haven't posted isn't because of my size, it's because I want the other person to fine out who I am. I want him to want to know what my heart looks like. If that doesn't interest him, he's not interested in me. Keep up the commentaries, I love your work. God's Blessings on you and yours throughout this New Year and beyond.
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liv says:Posted: 05 Feb 08
What you call does not really matter: Fat on women; beer bellly or love handles on men... There may be a double standard in the dating and in society in general, however there is NO double standard in the health costs of being overweight... they are too many to list but for starters: hypertension, diabetes, Cariovacular disease, sleep Disorders, stroke.... I fight the fat because I know that the more you weigh the easier it is to gain.. I am not "fat" (I am a size 0 to 2, who actually does eat) but I was "chubby" as a child and never want to go back.... I know that GOD wants me to care for and honor the body he gave me and I intend to do so. I don't think anyone should base their self worth on their weight, nor should they like pride in who they are as peolple... Please consider taking your pride to another level and take care of the only body you have.
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cocobaker says:Posted: 05 Feb 08First off, Leticia, THANK YOU for saying the things I've said for years! Secondly, there are some people who are urging you to love yourself. I don't get that, since you NEVER said you didn't! It cracks me up when some men say they want a woman who is a certain dress size or weight; for the most part, these same guys can't tell what that size or weight looks like! I'm a lot like outpass35, what I weigh and what dress size I wear has confused many a man. I've worn sizes as small as 8 and as large as 18(thank you, medication!), and even at my heaviest weight, I STILL didn't look like a "traditional" size 18; the fellas who tried to guess my dress size almost always guessed a lot lower than it was. It really chaps me when larger guys talk about refusing to date "fatties", then turn around and say that it's more "natural" or "acceptable" for a man to be plus sized than a woman! Even when I was that size 18, I was in shape, and lots of people forget that one doesn't have to be a size 8 or under to be in shape or healthy. I'm back down to the size 10 that I've been the majority of my life(I'm 5'10"-5'11" tall), and I'm content and comfortable at the 10/12 range, with no plans to be any smaller. No matter what size I am I'm sexy and beautiful, and quite a few chaps thought so too! For me, it's all in the attitude. Act like you deserve to be treated like crap, it will happen. Refuse to accept jerk behavior, it won't occur. Leticia has it right. The last thing I'll say is a "commandment" I learned many years ago. "This is my body, the only one I will ever have. I will honor and love it, no matter what size it is."
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Voluptuos1 says:Posted: 03 Feb 08
You were created in God's image and designed by God. Be proud of what God created. If you have added some to what he gave you, and you don't like it, get rid of it! If you are OK with it, EMBRACE it, LOVE it, be PROUD of it, and most of all dance like no one is looking!
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trichique says:Posted: 03 Feb 08AMEN, I haven't been on here for a while - so definitely happy new year. I am noticing, it is supposed to be okay for the guys to be picky but not okay for the women/gals. What's up with that? Oh an here is a little story for you. a buddy of mine at another job location hung out all the time. People swore we were dating. i used to say hello..he has a wedding ring on his hand - haven't you noticed. And besides we are just friends. I didn't quite know what his wife looked like but I know he loves her and talked about her all the time. I finally met his wife, she was about 1.5 to 2 of me - i do not consider myself small. We had to do the woman thing - me letting he know I am so not interested in her husband, and of course her letting me know - he's hers. (we women get this). Once she saw I was basically a cool friend of her husband's with breasts, she was cool. I just thought to myself, I didn't consider my bud loved the large ladies. so hey it's all good. The internet does definitely open the door for more shallow-hood (is that a word). I'm guilty of it too. Thanks for this blog.
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Fkoi says:Posted: 02 Feb 08There's no doubt that women are under greater pressure to fit into a culturally preconceived notion of body size (give Twiggy a call). I overhear guys all the time negatively commenting on bigger woman when they could use a green salad or serving of steamed veggies instead of the fried mozzarella sticks and beer they are having. It's amazing that the species continues to propagate at all. At the same time both health and fitness are concerns. We live in a corn-fed culture and the effects on our health are devastating. Coronary disease, cancer and diabetes are all linked to our diets and exercise habits. Then there are the aesthetics. If you are the kind of man (or woman) who makes disparaging remarks about another based on their size, take a good look in the mirror. Then take a walk around the block a few times.
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Sharon says:Posted: 02 Feb 08LOve thy self first and you will be able to love others! Smiles, Sharon
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Sharon says:Posted: 30 Jan 08
The size of one's heart is more important... Or how about the size of their brain??? Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon
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outpass35 says:Posted: 30 Jan 08As for myself being the size and wearing it is two different things I remember about two years ago I wanted to join a fitness club just to stay fit I worn a size 18 but by looking at me you could not tell I called the fitness center and they turn me over to an fitness instructor he asked what was my size I said 18 then he said what is your weight I said 218lbs then the slammer of it all how tall are you 5'6 he said yes you need to loose alot of weight he invited me to come in for a session I got there he was waiting but was talking with one of the other instructor he was talking about the fat lady he talked with early and that he was waiting on that lady was me. So I went over to introduce myself and he said you may want to talk with the front desk because I am waiting on a client that is in need of more help than you. Little did he know he was talking with his client I went to the front desk and told the clerk who I was and that I will join another fitness center that is not the way you treat anyone. He did call a day or so later and said he was sorry but I wanted nothing to do with the club at all.
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misschocolate56 says:Posted: 29 Jan 08
Great article Latisha. I am a Big Beautiful Woman. I keep my pics updated so there's no question about what size I am. I've met quite a few gentlemen who like women with "substance". I did run across one guy who was rude and called me Miss Piggy because I didn't return his phone call. I left him a "nice" message, and then he tried calling me on several occasions afterwards. I'm dating a lawyer now who doesn't want me to loose these hips! He tells me he likes me just the way I am. So, to my BBW sisters and BHM brothers, don't fret, there are still people out there who'll love us for WHO we are as well as what size we are.
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tee says:Posted: 26 Jan 08
I do agree totally about your article and I am a big man that loves himself a big girl which somehow makes me rare. When most men and some women date rather online or off they have a tendency to be arrogant as if their crap don't stink and its that mentallity that has all big men and women still searching for that special someone who can love them menatlly as well as physically.
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andi says:Posted: 26 Jan 08
I totally agree that most men want that slim and trim woman. There are alot on men who claim they want a "real woman", but their ideas of what she should look like are unrealistic.How does a person expect to find a match on these sies when all they are looking is the photo. I have a few extra pounds on ,but that just means that there is more of my wonderful, charming, sexy self to love. If a man can't look beyond the physical and see that beauty comes in all sizes, it's his loss. "one man's chicken is a next man's steak!" that beautiful comes in all shapes and sizes
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SunnyD53 says:Posted: 26 Jan 08
Good article! I am a 54 yr old BBW and I totally understand what you are talking about. I have had my feelings hurt more than enough times by insensitive men. I used to turn this hurt into anger and lash out. I then realized I was only hurting myself with this attitude. I made peace with my body and accepted it for what it is. Yes, of course I would like to lose some weight and tone up but it isn't in the forefront of my mind now. I have since realized that there are a lot of men that celebrate an ample woman's size. Once I threw away all that negativity, I changed within myself and my demeanor also changed. I was much more pleasant. I am very happy and content even though I still have not found my partner in life. To all you gorgeous BBWs out there.....don't ever put yourself down. God made you as you are and he thinks you are perfect. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body. If God had intended all of us to look alike he would have just cloned us that way, but we are unique, each and everyone of us. There is a man out there that will cherish you, love you, want you, desire you for the woman you are. Sending hugs to all of you!!
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sweetnes20 says:Posted: 25 Jan 08
i think i will always be i big gurl, i can never lose a pound.
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Zion77 says:Posted: 24 Jan 08HA HA HA!!!! Tiger, girl, that was the laugh I needed to-day! See if I don't ask a guy his measurement next time he asks me for mine! Yes, I said measure-ment. No "s". Zion77
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Sharon says:Posted: 23 Jan 08
Hello WORLD... I AM A BBW...that means that I am a BIG BEAuTIFUL WOMAN! I do not think of my self as fat even though the rest of the world might/does. There are lots of sites out there, for people of size...just like interracial sites! There is a whole world out there that prefers BBW's and BBM's. Good luck in your search! Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon
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Zion77 says:Posted: 22 Jan 08
Great article, Leticia. It would be nice if women were appreciated for their beauty, regardless of their dress size. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay to be so overweight that your quality of life suffers- I agree with Cookiepress on that. But skinny thighs do not a goddess make. I have been everything from a size 4 to a size 22. I dress very fashionably and attractively, and I have no problem speaking or singing in front of large groups of people. I've committed to increasing my fitness level this year, so I don't expect to be overweight forever, but I'm not sticking to a 1300/day diet either. I encourage my plus size sisters to get out there and LIVE your life, and don't pay no never mind to what others think or say. I also encourage the men to open their inner eyes to the possibility, the possibility that the woman of their dreams could be a few dress sizes north of where they've been searching. Peace, Zion77
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tiger says:Posted: 22 Jan 08
I know this isn't on point, but I always felt if you feel that you have to give your measurements; 1. that's on you, but 2. ask the men for theirs. See how long men think it's okay to ask a woman her waist/breast size. They'll stop asking, just cause they don't want to have reply, '4 inches.' Lol
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bigfine1966 says:Posted: 22 Jan 08ok this is my second time at this.Damn laptop. Nice food for thought but will the shallow narrow minded people sit down and break bread with us.Mostly likely not. But to each is its own. Yes there can be nicer ways to say what you like.I had someone to ask me in a nice way about my size when i told them i wasnt a 8 they were polite and siad that they were looking for an 8 and i was like good luck too ya.Didnt bother me never been a 8 and dont plan on being one in this life. So bottom line most men are jerks and those that are not know how to be nice and polite with out offending and when they do, they say they are sorry.
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jojolove says:Posted: 21 Jan 08I dont think it is wrong to "like what you like." If a man doesnt find me attractive so what I move on, why feel bad if someone doesnt find you attractive it will happen. As long as you like what you see when you look in the mirror that is what matters first. I think real men like a woman with curves. I mean look whats going on now a days. If you had full lips you were made fun of if you had a big booty you were considered fat, Look whats happening those same people are now plumping their lips, booty, breast and other parts because they know men like women with a nice curvy shape, not those clothes hanger shaped women we see in Hollywood. A hanger is used for what to put clothes on that is why those stick shaped women can find work because to dress them is effortless. Like Tyra says so what if I have flaws!!
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Prncssdyn says:Posted: 21 Jan 08Hey Leticia, I began my online dating career in 2002 as a size 16/12 and have slid up the ladder to 20/14. Since most men do not read the print, I keep current headshots and fullbody pictures on my profiles and have found that that usually ends most "asinine" questions. As to your question about how we as women deal with the overweight gentlemen? I don't get crass, however, with a few well placed questions about his activities I can usually figure out if he's overweight or not. At that point in time, depending on the personality, character, goals and so forth, I then decide if I'm going to stay or go. Hope my response was helpful. Peace, Prn
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Justice says:Posted: 21 Jan 08
I've gotten that from women a lot, actually. Personals ads are the worst; I get a nice rapport going with someone, then she sees my photo and never writes back. So it's not just the thick girls who have troubles with it.
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2ute4u says:Posted: 21 Jan 08
The irony here Leticia is that Iam currently reading the complete works of Oscar Wilde and engaging in the same conversation w/ aman from this site about how women are not allow to be fat and men will be about how much they make...the problem is that the standard for a woman's bodyis fixed according to societal standards and there is no going outside of this,@ least for the drones who care not see past this
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cookiepress says:Posted: 21 Jan 08First let me just say I never have had or will ever have a with a womans weight. I much prefer a real woman with real curves who won't feel like she will break in my arms. What bugs me is when the weight becomes a quality of life issue. When the weight starts to affect your quality of life thats where I draw the line. I have always felt tat you should be able to keep up with the partner in your life. I was someone who was morbidly obese and now I am exactly where those darn government charts say we should be. Think it makes me a little bit qualified to comment at least.
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Member says:Posted: 20 Jan 08
Well done! It was a relief to read some-one else opinion on a subject so close to my heart. I am fat and I am constantly put down for it, by relatives, professional bodies and total stangers!!! but it never cease to surprise me, that I seem to fit nicely into society once they need something from me. As for seeking a new partner or friends, I feel sorry for those narrowed minded persons who cannot see beyond their ignorance and my size. Their lost not mine. They would have not been much fun anyway!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha
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Libra1810 says:Posted: 19 Jan 08Well-amen to that!! I couldn't have said it better myself. I am at a point where I do not even tell men I have a cam. As I say "I'm not Barby-my daughters are - I'm Barby's Mom." How every man in their middle age can be looking for a Barby-especially when they are talking to a woman in her 50's is beyond me, and have the nerve to want to "see" what you've got to top it off. No wonder I've got two daughters with "fat brains" who spend too much time devising ways to be "skinnier." Time to grow up gentlemen!!!!
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ElGatoCat says:Posted: 18 Jan 08
Wow... having a bad day, are you? I'm a male, naturally attracted to big women, and have been aware of and involved in the BBW scene since about 1978. I know from 30 years' experience that there is no shortage of men who appreciate the ample female form. Could you perhaps be looking in the wrong places?
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 17 Jan 08
As they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Whats big to one man may be perfect to another. Same with women. Just be realistic in your expectations. All of us, myself included, may do well getting ourselves in date-worthy shape.
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Julep says:Posted: 17 Jan 08Our society tends to judge women on weight and looks, and men on money and careers. People are falling into a trap when we cannot think for outselves and see what is truely beautiful about others. Leticia, you are beautiful from the inside and out! Great commentary.
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Arabprincess says:Posted: 16 Jan 08This article is so nice but I want to tell you to love yourself and there are alot of big and beautiful women out there. You need to come to my side of the world where women with meat get the men every time. In my culture the men love women who are 16+. I was thin until I had children and now I size 18 and love my curves, I am sexy and beautiful and I am sure you are too. Come to my side of the world and you will feel the love. Good luck to you.
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I like the article, but the same goes for women. There's nothing wrong with me, except the fact that I'm 5' 6" tall, and I'm not white. I've been rejected just based on this. I've been very frustrated about it, and I've realized women can be just as vein as men. At least, I've noticed that, as long as a woman is even slightly presentable, Any man will talk to her. Its not true the other way. Most women give me the cold shoulder without even hearing me out. the thing about being overly fat is not so much of a physical attraction problem, as it is a psychological one. It is usually a case where most people assume that a person who is fat cannot really be responsible, if they are fickle with their own health. Albeit a presumptuous claim, but it has proven in my case.