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When a man loves a woman …

Posted by James, 08 Jul

One minute you know he loves you, the next you are in a world of uncertainty. By far, the nastiest sure thing in life is unrequited love. And the process of finding out whether he loves you is excruciating … turning your life into an operation of massive and intense decoding. Just as men feel they need to have a “women’s manual” to decode women and their feelings, women feel they need a “men’s manual” - a sort of reference guide to the signs that he is crazy over you … or not ;-) . Figured I should help a lil …

Does he make pointless phone calls? It’s a well known fact that men dislike chatting over the phone unless there is a definite reason to. So when he calls for no other reason than making awkward conversation, then he sure is smitten with you.

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“Men really hate using the telephone”, explains some guy Alan. “But if we are in love, we’re willing to do almost anything to stay in contact with that particular woman.” This doesn’t include answering machines though. “If I fancy someone, why the **** would I be interested in speaking to their answering machine?”.

Does he debrief his pals? Men always tell their friends about their sexual encounters. This means he is in lust. So naturally, when a dude tells his friends non-sexual stuff about you, then he must be seeing you in a different light – relationship-tinged light.

He loves your friends? Not necessarily – but at least he pretends to like them. So why does he want to meet them that much? It’s all in attempt to win your attention. He wants to be part of the gang so he can be able to spend more time with you … even when you are with your friends.

Does he listen? I mean … really listen? Try having a conversation with a typical male. His eyes will always darting be away from your face, to the boobies, to the ceiling, to the cleavage, to the ceiling, to the curvy woman that walked by… But if a man looks into your eyes, dancing on your every boring word, then he is either mad about you or simply MAD!

Always on time? “I’ll call you tomorrow” “I’ll be back soon”. These words mean as little to a man as “I am almost ready” means to a woman. But if he says he’ll call tomorrow and he actually calls, there is something there. And this goes for showing up for dates on time. Men like doing things last minute. And when going to meet someone I am actually interested in, I actually plan things out. But if he gets there 10 minutes to time, he is either too desperate or a bit of dork ;-)

Your interests become his too: When a man tries to learn about Chinese antiques just because you are obsessed with them, then you got him good!

Does he talk after sex? If he rolls over and plays dead, may be that is as far as your relationship goes. But if he seems to want to talk, it may be the beginning of something meaningful. “If I’ve just slept with someone I really like, I’ll feel pretty comfortable with them, and I wont want to leave them. But if that isn’t the case though, what exactly are you supposed to talk about? It would make things more awkward than necessary”, some guy explains.

His behavior at your place also matters … comfortable but not too comfortable. If he immediately walks around dressed only in smelly socks (like he is alone at his place), he is treating you too casually to be truly in love.

Do you make dates? If you are addicted to a TV series like 24, you always want to know when the next episode will be aired … so does a man in love. If he really likes you, he will want to know exactly when he’ll be with you again. No wishy-washiness.

Does he say it? If after seven dates, he hasn’t actually put how he feels about you into words (forget the flowers and chocolates), then he aint the man for you. (Unless the words were, “Now that I got to know you, I realize you aint all that!”)

Hope I helped with the decoding. ;-)

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10 responses to "When a man loves a woman …"

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  1.   Member says:
    Posted: 09 Apr 10

    hi fire 321 Im a white man 49 nice looking single wondering and angry over it, chrisatian, man, i think you arem soo hot honey, my gosh,I know actins speak louder than words, i think that sometimes ones marry or get together cause of pressure from releatives or the crowd, Ive always wondewred about atractive black woman as i know i get along with them and i feell apeace that I dont see in caucasian ones ,imno tinto the hyper bit, but talking and sharing , and i hardly ever see that in society people ae4r so cought up in work or white noiuse that they dont know what real life is about?

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  2.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 12 Mar 10

    Geez, Who knows when a man really loves you? I mean I think you really do need a manual sometimes to figure men out sometimes. I don't have the energy.I'm the type woman if you make understanding you too difficult I lose interest. I want it plain and I don't mean flowers and candy kinda of plain. I look at if a man is doing all he can to provide for his woman. Now, I'm talking not about gold-digging. Is he is working to pay bills, makes sure that there is food on the table and if there is any extra he's trying to get that little trinket you have had your eye on for awhile? Is he faithful to you? I don't like it if my man looks at another woman but I let him have his outlet,lol. They look ,it's how they are. Does he care about your dreams and goals? Is what is important to you important to him? Those are the things I'd consider. I don't like games and too much romance. I never have. I don't want flowers if I can't talk to you about plans on how we can open our business together. I don't want candy when I have to tell you to cut the grass.

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  3.   LISA1 says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 09

    I agree with Fire321, "actions do speak louder than words".

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  4.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 09

    I am a firm believer in "actions speak louder than words". Men may not always tell you how they feel but he should definitely show you thru his actions.

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  5.   Red_Head_58 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    Dream, I totally agree with you. This is just a stereotype.

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  6.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 09

    I had to laugh at a few points in this article when I was nailed by the author. I do not like pointless conversation on the phone unless I am interested in a woman. I love to be part of her circle of friends so that I can spend time with her even not on a date. I do have a problem with time at times and try to fit an hour's worth of activity into the half hour I have before I have to leave. And I do like to know when we can see each other next. However, I do not talk about my sexual exploits, so if my friends know much about you at all, you can bet I'm into you. I also listen all the time to people I am in conversation with. I may tingle more when I am in conversation with her but listening isn't a good clue for me. Finally, in the bedroom, if you wear me out, I may not have the strength to talk. And if you wear me out, there's a good chance that I like you. The orgasms are always more powerful when I do.

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  7.   Jonijulie says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 09

    i thought it was GREAT!...you touched on most areas i have always wondered about...men are of a more simple nature not as complex as us women...i find they mainly want to please & be praised by the woman of their interest or love..however your article touched on the areas for me that will help to tell when a man is truly interested and that it is not just a "lust" thing...thank you & i too, look forward to more information on the subject...perhaps tips on how you can tell a man is interested from these internet sites & not just playing a game or wanting to meet quickly so as to have sex?...i find men are more anxious to meet than women...so i take that as though they want to have sex and not so worried about getting to know me more??...any comments james?

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  8.   pleochroicsoul says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 09

    @by_dream_ As a 52-year-old woman and the mother of three sons, I think looking at a man's actions is more likely to show you how they feel than asking them. Most men are uncomfortable with their feelings, and especially trying to define whether they love you or not. I agree with James in almost everything he said. Men do hate phone calls, just ask them to call to order a pizza and listen to the excuses you will get as to why you should be the one to make the call. His comment about a man talking after sex is absolutely on-point. I have dated many, many men in my like and only a very small handful would talk to you after sex. It is their most vulnerable time and they know it. Especially, if they have "made love" with you instead of just having sex with you. Men are afraid to put a label on their feelings for fear they will be asked to make a commitment based on those feelings. One other thing you said was that if a man tells you he loves you in three weeks that something is WRONG. I disagree with that. There is something thing called "love at first sight" and it does exist. Although, not frequently found, it is something that some of us have experienced. And, it is wonderfully fulfilling, and beautiful to experience. Of course, a deeper most sustaining love will grow from this initial love but to discount the feeling because of the number of weeks you known a person is tantamount to saying their actions do not show how they feel, only their words when asked how they feel matter. Also, I do not presume that James expected you to walk up to his friends and ask them what he says about you. But having been introduced to one of those friends, most often they will volunteer what they have been told in the introduction. For example, you might be told... I've heard really great things about you... or, John says you are a wonderful woman, I'm glad to meet you... but if you hear, I can see why John wants to *(^& you all the time, I would assume sex is all this relationship is about. In which case, I think having a straight forward discussion with John would be appropriate. Most of that discussion should be explaining to him that sex alone does not make a sustainable relationship. Don't believe everything a man tells you as the gospel without comparing it to their actions. Truly abusive men (possessive, et al) have learned to read a woman and say the exact things that woman wants to hear so they can gain control over her. I was married to an abuser for 5 years, and in a relationship with other controlling, abusing men. Believe me when I say their words mean nothing, and only their actions tell you the truth about who they are, and how they look at you... let alone how they feel about you. by_dream_, I think you are young and so I hope you will take my comments, and James blog as good information for future relationships. Don't discount your gut instincts about a man, either. It is your defense mechanism trying to tell you to quickly run away! Take care! Dee

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  9.   PeaceStar says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 09

    Thank you James, I loved your article. As someone who has not dated for several years and I am now trying to understand someone I am very interested in I really appreciate the advice. In fact I would like you to expand on the article some more.

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  10.   _dream_ says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 09

    wow. this entire article was pretty much based on the stereotypes of male behavior.wouldn't it just be easier to ask him how he feels than to try to interpret everything he does? don't a majority of the issues in relationships happen because people are assuming instead of communicating? this is like dating for dummies. and how do you put a cap on the number of dates it takes before someone tells you how they feel? you can have seven dates in three weeks, and if a guy tells you he loves you in three weeks then something is WRONG. very, very wrong. what if you're dating someone who prefers to take it slow, and wants to wait until he is sure of how he feels before leading you on? where do you come up with these stats?? and half of this could be possessive behavior, not just 'into-you' behavior. pointless calls, meticulously planning time together, 'loving' your friends... and seriously, how weird do you look asking a man's friends "what does he say about me?" for god's sake, just ask.makes life a LOT easier.

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