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"Is it OK to lie on your profile?"...

Posted by Leticia, 23 Jul

You know that I'm a big fan for dating your preference. Even if that preference is limiting you. It's always your right to choose. It's easy for us hopeless romantics to say that everyone should be open to the possibility of love, no matter where it comes from. Would you lie to get the chance to meet someone or to go out on a date? Just how far are you willing to go to find what you're looking for?

Hey, this is your girl Leticia and let me first say I'm sorry that I've been cheatin... Please understand that I do it so you don't have to. I was checking out this forum on another site and there was a guy looking for some advise. Basically, he wanted to know if and how he should approach this woman who had a filter set on her preference to not date anyone over 75 miles away from her. He was twice that distance. He seemed to think that she was his "dream woman", but couldn't get a email to her because of the sites restraints and her filters.

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As you can imagine, folks were saying everything from "move on" to "change your zip code". In other words, "lie" to at least get her attention. So, here's my question to you...Is it ever worth lying to the other person, just to get your foot in the door? Isn't there always going to be some kind of reason or justification that you can make in the name of "true love" or in this case...the "potential of it"?

Where do you draw the line when it comes to giving out information? Do you believe that omit- ion of the truth is still a lie? See, I hear all the time that women hear the truth, know what the truth is and still move forward with the hope that she will be able to "change" the truth to fit her needs. I also know that guys (more than a few in my experience), will tell you just enough of the story to support their point and leave out the vital parts that will change your understanding and perception all together.

There is a thin line between doing "whatever it takes" and manipulating a situation to get what you want. I have to admit that I'm somewhat conflicted when it comes to this guys particular dilemma. On the one hand if he feels so strongly that she could be "the one", based on her profile, picture and that good 'ole gut feeling, than doesn't he owe it to himself to be able to find out?

On the other hand, if he really thought enough of her, shouldn't he respect her wishes to only date guys that live within a certain distance to her? Doesn't her preferences matter?

You know that I'm a big fan for dating your preference. What if that preference is limiting you? It's always your right to choose. It's easy for us hopeless romantics to say that everyone should be open to the possibility of love, no matter where it comes from. The reality for a lot of people is that long distance relationships don't work for them. There could be time restraints or family issues that will prevent them from ever moving so why tempt fate. What happens if they are perfect for each other but unable to move? Wouldn't that be worse than never knowing there is someone out there for you?

I really enjoy playing devils advocate sometimes. The truth for me is that I always believe that there's a way to do what you want, have what you want and be all that you want. It first starts with KNOWING what you want and then making the decision to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

I'm curious, would you be angry or flattered that a guy/woman would go through such lengths to get to know you better? Is it ever okay to tell a "little lie" to get in the door as long as you come clean as soon as possible?

This is Leticia, and I think that if the only thing you can do to get someone's attention is lie...you're not thinking hard enough.

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72 responses to ""Is it OK to lie on your profile?"..."

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  1.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    You know I've seen some really good responses to this question. And I will backpedal a little from a year ago. If someone felt strongly enough about chatting to me that they changed something to get around a filter, I would be flattered...if they told me about it in the initial contac.

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  2.   wmnanu06 says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 09

    It is NEVER OK to lie on a profile. I have been lied to in a relationship. I have been lied to in a profile. But I refuse to lie. I speak the truth, so I want the truth. Karma is you-know-what. What goes around, comes around, and I REFUSE to do it to anyone, so why would I do it to anyone else? I wouldn't! Be HONEST at all times!

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  3.   ASableSwan says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 08

    it's never okay to lie on your profile. It's a waste of everyones time.

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  4.   SxyWhtTiger says:
    Posted: 24 Oct 08

    Absolutely not...to lie about things in your profile just shows you're not a honest person at all...what really urks me is when people lie that they are in the United States but turn out to be in some other country overseas. A relationship or even the start of a possible relationship is about honesty and trust...so if you can't be honest then how is the other person able to trust you..."Little lies lead to Big lies which lead to hurt"

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  5.   WChocolate says:
    Posted: 24 Oct 08

    whats the point in lieing on your profile. if you lie then and then you find someone, you have to make a bigger lie to cover. or tell them and hopefully they are ok with it, if everyone on here is looking for someone why not be honest, bc if ur being honest ur weeding out those who are looking for a particu;lar thing thqt u might be against. be honest there is someone out there for everyone, just take stime. be honest with yourself and it will lead you to happiness.

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  6.   Pamela says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 08

    It is not okay to lie in your profile. Anyone would want to read a profile believing that what they are reading on someone's profile is true. Some sites may limit what exactly you are able to convey, as Charles mentioned above about the height range, and it is always best to clarify any specifics or details that you feel you should. It is the right thing to do. Lying is not good, period. Nobody wants to be lied to.

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  7.   Charles says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 08

    Since honesty is a very important quality to me, If I detect a deliberately misleading misrepresentation in a profile, that usually kills a potential relationship for me. But what about when "lying" is closer to honesty than the truth? I'm 5'6. [I have no personal issues dating women who are taller than I am.] On this site, I can only describe my height roughly. Rather that list myself as 5'2"-5'6", I've chosen to list myself as 5'7"-5'11" and then include my actual height in the narrative part of my profile.

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  8.   Bwluver says:
    Posted: 03 Oct 08

    referring to the title:It most certainly is not ok to lie on your profile!"why"your partner in the future is going to find out anyway,and you might as well tell it straight then and there!many will be turned off the moment they find out you lied and consider you dead and stereotyped!!

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  9.   cocobaker813 says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 08

    Lying on a profile is rarely a good thing, because the person lying rarely remembers the original lie! How tiring is it to keep remembering things that aren't true? I think the lying by omission is even worse! Having been online for more than a decade, I've seen it all: Posting old photos, lying about age/height/income, posting blurry photos on purpose, inflating a job description. The milage thing is actually the least of the lying, because people's concept of distance isn't very good. But up to a point, shouldn't we honor people's boundaries? If she didn't want to date someone more than 75 miles away, isn't that her prerogative? Why bother and he finds out she's not "the one"? If I have to lie to impress a guy, he's not knowing who I am, just what he wants to read, yes? So I try to give what I want. I've met men who have lied about their appearance(outdated photos), age, and height. After meeting them, I wonder if they lie about meaningless things, why would they tell me the truth about the things that really matter?

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  10.   Carole says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 08

    Its not good to start out with lying. Sooner or later it will catch up with you and you would have lost a good partner, friend and lover. Why not try being honest? You are who you are and you are a awesome person. Let people know this, don't lye to prove you are so great, when you can be honest and be greater.

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  11.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 08

    All you people who posted about lying....were lying. Lying is acceptable as long as it is for personal gain and complete manipulation of someone. If its for the purpose of booty, money, or good credit...then sure go ahead and lie on your profile. OK....I WAS LYING.... Prov 24:26 AN honest answer is like a kiss...thats what I live by....

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  12.   FairVilla says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 08

    I must first say that I've been on the site for only three to four weeks! Within the first couple days I connected with a member, enjoyed is profile (especially the part that Trust and Honesty is a MUST) so we starting communication and met...within the first week some things being said weren't matching up...investigated further to find out he had lied about his age. He told me he was 46 (only a 7 year age difference), come to find out he was actually 56 and I was devastated! I called him on it and he has never returned my calls, text or email! That is an important detail to divuldge...I'm not saying that I wouldn't have considered still dating, but wanted to know why he felt he needed to lie! He never explained and pretty much blew me off...acting like I was in the wrong. My advice is to stay honest in your profile, one of the worst things you can do is start ANY relationship based on a lie!!! If you do, then everything after that will be questioned. All people deserve the truth, then let them make the choice if they want to continue...it will be best in the end!

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  13.   BrklynMook says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 08

    Whatever you put into your profile is what you get out of it. Part of the problem however is what you read from a profile. Just because you are honest don't be naieve to think everyone is. For example I split with my ex because she had a profile on a dating website. She was active there but did not have time for me. She listed all the things she wanted including someone to be a father to her children. Apparently paying all the bills and taking care of the kids wasnt "father" enough. In translation she wanted a sugar daddy that had deeper pockets than me. All that hurt because I truely was in love with her and her family. Made it my own and took care of those kids better than their father did. Now her profile is a lie and I feel sorry for the next guy to find her. Bottom line. Write what you mean, mean what you write, but don't believe everything in the profile you read either.

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  14.   Fala says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 08

    Ok, I admit it. I didn't win the Nobel Prize in Physics last year. Sorry. Boy it feels good to come clean at last.

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  15.   SERENITY798 says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 08

    I don't believe it is ever ok. If you see something go after it. Forcing the situation is insulting to me. I'm flattered if you are honest and keep trying, through time these things will works. There are relationships that are solid that started off on a little lie but I rather not go that route. I'm not skinny and yes I have fat on my body, thick - fat - chubby whatever he will know it up front. My values my lifestyle, he will know it up front.

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  16.   Fala says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 08

    Like on your profile? What kind of person would so such a thing???

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  17.   Murceilago says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 08

    I do not believe it is ever ok. So many guys approach me asking is that you or do you model...what have you. It is so irritating, while others guy lie about who they are to get to know me. If everyone was just 100% honest, there would be no "fakers" or "non-believers." The whole internet world is new to me...started off as a joke, but I can see how someone could get hurt by people's lies

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  18.   Mugwump says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 08

    Hello, me again. I forgot to say that genuine lying, i.e. making false statements with the intention of being believed, is an absolute deal-breaker in relationships so far as I am concerned. I once came close to marrying an Indonesian woman, but in the process of preparing a statement in support of her visa application, I had to look at some of her documents, and found that she had lied about two minor details. One was her age, and the other was that her alleged "younger brother" was actually her son. Neither of things would have mattered to me if she had told me about them, but lying about them completely destroyed my trust in her. Of course, to her, my abruptly breaking off the relationship proved she was right to lie to me: look what happened when I found out! Some people never learn.

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  19.   Mugwump says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 08

    Only a couple of people have made the distinction here. This original question was about changing your details to get past a filter. I have done this on another site, and I reject any suggestion that I was dishonest or a liar. This was on a French site, and the lady in question had ticked that she was looking for someone from any one of several continents, including Antarctica, but not "Océanie" (I lived in Autralia at the time). So I changed my location to Antarctica, and sent her an email telling her I didn't really live in Antarctica, but Australia, and asked if she had something against Australia. She replied that her apparent preference had just been an oversight. Immediately after sending that initial email, I changed my location back to the right one. I think in the case in point, if the guy had done the same thing--changed his location and written to her, explaining what he had done, and why--it could hardly have been called "lying". Whether it would have constituted an unacceptable intrusion and lack of respect for her stated preferences is a matter of some debate. In a lot of cases, however, people just don't realize that they are preventing people responding to their ad by setting restrictive preferences.

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  20.   BIGBLUEPP45 says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 08

    Hello Leticia, I agree with you it's never right to lie about anything at all because the truth all ways caches up and that's when someone allways gets hurt. Just a little reminder to all of Us; Like the famous kids story Boy Cryied Wolf,He started calling for help because there was supposoly a Wolf among the sheep but when every body came to help there was no Wolf,once,twice,he thought it was fun makeing people run to help,but the third time when there was a real Wolf present among the sheep and he cryied for help no one came out to help. So let's all remember LYING is the worst thing we can do it all ways back fires. Thank you all and keep the Wolf out of your court yard.

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  21.   mimi says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 08

    Well its really wrong to lie on your profile,as tha truth will always be known in a short while,however,most of us are not real in our quest for love or the search for that special someone. You know there is no perfect person,so the quicker we as human beings understand that fact the better for us,think of what you would do,or way your sister behaves,we dont lives celebrity lives so we should not act like one or expect people to be one,you can have preferences,i do,but understand there are flaws with everyone.Sometimes when we try too hard it just stays away,sometimes i read other people's profile to see what they are about and its all too good to be true,too positive then i wonder how come they are still searching?well i leave that for us to all answer,We find love in certain places or with certain peolpe when we least expect ,so its better to keep an open choice even if we all have preferences,for this man he should be true to himself and he will meet that special person who will not mind the distance and will get to know and love him for himself.

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  22.   Kathy says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 08

    No I do not think it is okay to lie on your profile. Sooner or later the truth is gonna come out and it might backfire on you. If the person dont want to talk to you let it go and move on.

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  23.   SoulKitten says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 08

    Never Lie. EVER. End of story!

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  24.   sweetsexy001 says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 08

    Although, it may be tempting to lie to get someone's attention, nothing will turn out good that starts with a lie. Honesty is always the best policy. If its meant to be something will happen to make sure that they get meet each other. I'm a die hard romantic at heart. I also believe that the Lord blesses us in his own time. When its thew guy's time, he will be blessed with the love of his life.

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  25.   im1234 says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 08

    Believe fate holds no promise to anyone so when opportunity knocks wisely make a judgement call because fate and late knows nothing about hearts desire or hurts of prior. Good can be hurt bad devastate, but true love is to go all out for.

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  26.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 08

    I couldn't have put it better, Marc!

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  27.   theonly14u says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 08

    I don't think it's ever ok to lie on a profile. The person you lie to maybe the one for you. Then it may be too late. Is he/she going to trust you now that you have already lied to them??

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  28.   missy says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 08

    I don't think it's ever a good thing to lie on a profile. Honesty and trust is the foundation of any realtionship. If you lie, of course, it leads to trust issues. You never know the person you are lieing to may be the right one. You don't want to start any realtioship off on the basis of a lie. As they say, if you tell one, you have to tell more to cover them up.

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  29.   navymoon1 says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 08

    When is a lie ever good. Lying on your profile can only lead to embarassment for both the liar and the respondee. I was in contact with someone on this site who lied from one end of the spectrum to the next. I mean this guy really took it to the next level - his photo, his weight, his age, he was married, etc. etc. There are opportunistic predators on every site. Be careful what you say, and how you say it.

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  30.   Marc says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 08

    Leticia, I agree with you. "If you lie it means you are not thinking hard enough." Love it! But, I think we are alll missing another point. The spiritual side. If a woman says for example I only want a guy who lives within 20 miles of my area.....well, to me, as a guy, it is telling me she thinks she is all that, that she can even be so picky. 2-It also shows she wants something convenient and isnt willing to work at it or be inconvenienced, so she is already doing you a favor. 3 Spiritually......if someone is meant for you, the universe wouldnt have that woman putting in qualifiers that would dis-clude you. So as another poster said...it shows weakness. It also in my opinion shows you dont believe in an abundant universe, that another someone is waitng for you. And I will tell you the truth, the only time I ever thought about lying was because the woman was so gorgeous I knew I was basing my desperation on looks alone. Lets be truthful, no guy is going to lie to get an obese woman who wears polyester spandex pants that has pimples! He is going to lie to get the "Beyonce" type. Also, if you are not blocked from sending someone too far away an email...put in the header something cute like......."I live in China but I will swim to you", and then explain right away in your email where you live. Then by being honest, she might be flattered you are willing to travel to get her! The truth is, the pickier the woman is, the less chance you ever have in reality of making it work in real life. So, sometimes you gotta be grateful for the tipoff and move on.

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  31.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 08

    sorry dude but you knew that it would one day come to an end...pls be yrself

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  32.   Dude says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 08

    Fella,this is a true story,I met my dream baby down home in Nigeria in a bus while going for a soccer trail.She is everything I needed in a woman (BBB)but I lied to her,as a matter of fact this queen of a girl starts looking for me but I countune to lie more to protect the previous lies,untill one day she saw me playing a soccer match in TV,too bad for me the match where going on in her state,my queen came down to the stadium waiting to see me with truck load of abuse.I missed the girl because I lied to her forgetting that am a soccer player then and might appear in television one day.so fulks its very bad to lie and since then I have never meet any lady of her quality.

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  33.   Fearlesscrus says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 08

    Most of you are completely overlooking the fact that the lady's 75-mile limit was a PREFERENCE, not an absolute. How many of you know the difference? Some of you set up the man as a straw man just so that you could knock him down. Leticia belabored the point that it was a preference, and you STILL didn't get it. Now, to answer her first question, which most of you also overlooked, I would be highly flattered if a lady "went the extra mile" for me in a case like this. Certainly honesty is paramount, but when you overlook essential parameters in this example, then you are changing the question and your answer is misleading...and in effect, a lie in itself. And one of the reasons we have a 50-60% divorce rate is because most of you put so many restrictions on who you think is right for you (i.e. "must be 6'3") that God can't send you the one He knows is your perfect match. It's okay to have preferences, but beware of letting petty preferences keep you from finding happiness with the right person.

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  34.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 08

    I saw this girl on this site. I thought and I still think SHE was the one. However, she was not looking for a person with my racial characteristics (we happen to be the same race). Yes, yes, I know this is an interracial site, but somehow I still felt she limited herself in THAT particular instant...;-) Anyway, would I lie to get a foot into the door. Hell NO! Firstly, because I'll get caught (naturally) and secondly, and more importantly one has to respect the other person's preference if you REALLY love them. That's just me.

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  35.   MzDiane says:
    Posted: 16 Aug 08

    I would have to say that lying is always going to set you up for problems somewhere along the way.....because someone like myself doesn't forget much and I will call you on details that have "changed" over time. Honesty and being "real" is always the best policy in my eyes, I'm too old for games and as a society that has turned to dating online.....your profile is what we look at first. If you lie, everything that follows is based on those lies.

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  36.   BJ2 says:
    Posted: 15 Aug 08

    If you have to lie you dont need to be together, and my momma told me if you tell half the story or truth its just as bad as lien. its goin to come out some how, you should just tell the truth from the begining. and to lie online is out of desperation not love unless you already knew that person some time in your life. i dont believe this hopeless romantic BS its as simple as some/alot havent found their ideal partner.

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  37.   unnikrishnan says:
    Posted: 15 Aug 08

    One should be truthful while dealing with relationship.This is handling of emotions and not fantacies.

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  38.   Luebella says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 08

    I, personally give bonus points for honesty, even if its something that I may not be game for. More points are given and another bonus round if you have a good reason for thinking you are the exception to my rules. It may be a clever way for you to get my attention, but you got to be pretty darn special to keep it.

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  39.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 12 Aug 08

    oh..Joe...lies keep on building and whenever one has been started you don't stop untill you can't get out of it..i am happy that you are 110% sincere..we just need to prove it

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  40.   gw44 says:
    Posted: 12 Aug 08

    lying to get ahead is just wrong no matter how far it will get you or what type of head your getting,honesty is the only way. lying shows disrespect to the other persons and will only last awhile until you have to lie again to cover the first lie.if i have to lie to get you then i dont need you thanks gary

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  41.   joe says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 08

    no i don;t think a person should lie ? i myself am very honest and truthful about what i say on my profile it;s all %110 true let;s get together or send me some one and i;ll prove it thank you J O E

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  42.   LoveMyJeans says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 08

    Lying on your profile is just plain wrong, and it will bite you in the azz or other places everytime. If you lie about your height or weight or hair (anything immediately noticeable when meeting in person) that calls into play what your true character is. If you would lie about something so obvious, what other lies are you keeping from me? Even the truths you told become suspect, so just dont do it. It never impresses the other person. How many times have you said, "I really want to be in a relationship with a man/woman who will lie to me."? Tell the truth, know that the person accepts you for you, and just be happy with that.

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  43.   Takeila says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 08

    No I do not think it is ok to lie on your profile at all. People misrepresent themselves over the internet all the time. Which makes it hard for the people who rather do the online dating. I know I am not the type to approach someone and ask them out on a date. I am too shy. So I come on here and I don't want to be disappointed if someone lies to me. If you lie about one thing you will lie about another. Then there is a chain of lies. I want to meet you and not your representive.

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  44.   Sovoluptuous says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 08

    No i don't think it's ok to lie on your profile about anything not even a little bit..You will meet that person oneday and then what? Everything would have been a lie...So just keep it honest no matter how harsh it may seem to some people,Be yourself.

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  45.   Emmce says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 08

    I agree with RAE56. Aside from that, I don't think the guy's intentions are pure, in that he believes she is the one, she has a limit on distance and I would hope that he is willing to go out of his way for the relationship if it would come to that...but to say a lie is a lie is a lie we have to examine the situation to see what the motives are.

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  46.   TG says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 08

    Yeah, Lying is a big no no in my book. However, I must say that I've dated a guy that has lied to me initially and then immediately came clean. You girls know the ole, ' Naw I was just kidding' routine. He was a great person. So maybe the converse is to open up the possibilities but not limiting our dating pool.

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  47.   Lee-Anne says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 08

    I would have to say there's no excuse for lieing. Lieing will come back to bite you in the A$$, and anything started on a lie will be twice as hard to maintain and or fix, trust is a major component in starting and continuing a successful relationship, once that's broken what have you got? And if you have to lie to get someone to notice you and like you, then that just screams out to me insecurities and or whats your game? If I have to stop and question someones motives then that to me is to much hard work, and I would have to move on. I have met guy's from online, who I have found out later have lied on their profile and its frustrating because being decieved isn't a nice feeling, to me it shows a lack of respect by not being upfront with me and letting me decide whether you are the exception to the rule. Your also wasting my time if its a major lie. Being honest is the best way, if it dosn't work out or go anywhere then at least you know you were true to yourself. Don't ever try and convince someone else that you are worth it convince yourself! ...and like they say you have to go through a few wrong ones so you can appreciate the right one when they come along.

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  48.   Morningflower says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 08

    Telling the truth is so much easier! Unfortunately, I have had guys lie to me the instant they sent me a message.. then we decided to talk on the phone, meet etc and they had to go back and "clarify a few things" - It hurts so bad because there are those of us that are giving online dating a try to find true love.. which requires honesty as you would in "a real-life situation" - So no.. Its absolutely wrong to lie, its unethical, immoral, dumb and oh yeah.. I think you would also file it under "False Advertising"

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  49.   RickH69 says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 08

    I agree, lying SUCKS Big Time! Liars SUCK!

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  50.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 08

    many who have lied have been on the receiving end...why end that way?

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