Interracial children – Bridging the Biology-Racism gap
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Children from interracial families have to deal with identity issues. Some people will see them as biracial hence belonging to no race. Others will treat them based on how they look (depending on the dominant race). We have also heard of cases of biracial offsprings checking off both say “BLACK᾿ and “WHITE᾿ boxes when filling forms where race is asked. They totally refuse to check off “OTHER᾿.
I have written about this. Well today, I would be happy to hear from those who have had experience with dealing with this kind of thing. Much as they are biracial, they need to be prepared to deal with racism … being rejected by both races they belong to.
There is the gap between biology and the racist legacy of slave/master categorization. How do we bridge this gap? How can you help IR kids cope with this?
28 responses to "Interracial children – Bridging the Biology-Racism gap"
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jlovesjx3 says:Posted: 23 Jun 10
Well, I have 3 kids that are a nice mix. I'm hispanic and their dad is mixed (white/black) and he had a hard time growing up in the south, where racism is still quite strong. So needless to say he was shunned by the whites and the black people in his neighborhood were more accepting. So he was raised by his white family but hung out with black people and in the end got a complex. He has a drop of black blood so he can't be white, but he's too light to be black. I often wonder if my kids would have an identity issue like he had and still has, but I know that if I teach them that what really matters is how they carry themselves. I might be hispanic, but people say I sound white, but nobody says I act white/black/hispanic, I act like ME. And that's how I want my kids to act, like themselves, not like a stereotypical white/black/hispanic person. As for Honeygirl, your mother will love any child you have, whether they are purple, white or black. Your family has a certain view of black guys so you & your bf should show your fam that he is a good guy & doesn't fit to the image they might have....
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lady says:Posted: 15 Mar 10
First off i didn't know having bi-racial children was a cause. I remember watching a program where they had a white and black shopper enter a store and the black women went to the register first but they helped the white women and ignored the black women. My daughter who was young at the time turned and asked me: Are they going to treat me like that? I answered: Only if you let them. I am white and their father is black. We have been together for over twenty years. and have two children together, he had a daughter with a black women and i had two sons with a white man when we got together. Vacations were always fun, I used to say we were the interracial brady bunch. Most of the Kids are grown with families of their own now. My best advice: Be strong,live the life that is best for you, don't worry about what other people think or say. The most important thing is you and your family.
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tatted2death says:Posted: 31 Jan 10
Thank you glasswing, for raising a healthy, balanced individual....that does wonders for the "cause" of ALL HUMANITY.... Peace and Blessings tatted2death
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Member says:Posted: 31 Jan 10
Chimera13 I agree‘racial identity’ to me is tied up in the culture more than the color. My daughter is bi-racial black mother (me) and Caucasian father. She was taught to embrace her differences and that she represented the human race because of her obvious mixture. I think she had a rough spot while in Catholic school (predominantly white and culturally uneducated individuals). Good experience however unpleasant; no harm no foul. Today she jokes about code switching (behaving from one moment to the next more culturally black or more culturally mainstream) depending on which group of friends she is socializing with at that moment. She once joked about becoming confused about her identity when surrounded by all of her friends. She loves who she is and I am happy about that. Behavior and rational thinking is of utmost importance to me and I have taught her those things. She doesn't really care how you categorize her. She has enough insight to realize she will always be the same person regardless of the racial label applied.
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ezrhino2001 says:Posted: 09 Aug 09
Biracial Children really have no personal nor internal race identity crisis. What we are is unique we are neither of one race , most of us are military kids , most of us were raised by both of our different race parents in the same home. The issue is society mainly the black race tries to define us as black, there are racist on both sides as far as we are concerned. There Blacks who hate us because of our fair skin , different eye colors and hair textures old myths like house slaves and the one drop which last only a few years and less than five states and was never a Federal Government law or some mythical never existed capt somebody to convenience us we are just black, in fact many of us were killed back in the slavery days by our own blk relatives right after child birth we were bled to death by our embilical cords by the blk nurse maids , no white seed allowed in the slave quarters I guess . How many women of any race would allow their husbands to bring their illegitimate biracial kids into their homes and parade them around in front of them in any era and why would he want to. So there goes the house slave theory. Now more for the white side most of the early militants are mixed! why. Because we realize that lighter skin is just that lighter skin it does not make you better , more tight , more entitled , more intelligent , more Godly than anyone else ! So we are far less likely to buy into white superiority myth as well. In fact those of us who suruived we were kept in seperate slave quarters away from both races. We know who we are now and we prefer mixed , the days of one race or society defining us has ended years ago. we actually feel both races as just as screwed up as the other , you asked for a real mixed opinion and you got one , I know it has given you new ideas but for once , one of us mixed kids have told the truth and as u will soon see somebody here will be pissed off only a person whose parents are mixed can really answer this questiobn as i have , if you heard that great great somebody back in the 1800's was rumored to be a different race you have no idea how it is to have different race parents and in reality its a blessing not a curse as said it makes us unique but not superior to anyone.
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renee24 says:Posted: 06 Aug 09
Both my grandmothers are multi racial they married black men my great grandma was a white women. My mom married a multi racial man, I was taught you are what your father is, Although I come from a multi cultural family I've never had an identity problem. Yes it's true some people identify with the more dominant gene I've never had a problem checking black or other but I've been fortunate to have a mother who was capable of making sure her children were secure with who they are. And people do judge depending on looks I've done this I was at a dinner and the women were in the kitchen cleaning, cooking , setting up the tables ect. A young women came in to the kitchen, to me she looked hispanic turns out she was egyptian!(I was ashamed of myself) I learned something that day. And I won't be repeating that mistake.
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LaShaz says:Posted: 30 Jun 09
I'm an interracial child and checked other or hispanic or latin while growing up. Interesting when I joined the military since I am part Puerto Rican they classify me as white. So all of my documents say caucasian female. it always shocks people when I would show up wiuth order in my hand and they see a black person with caucasian written on their files. My son is also interracial child who is part Sicilian. He just tells every one he is Italian. This is a choice he made on his own since all he features are dominated by his Italian side.
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bernie12 says:Posted: 12 Mar 09
I am a mixed/ biracial woman. I get mistaken for spanish ALL THE TIME. I don't have a problem with that, I have a problem when people really just judge you on how you look. I would think that by now people would realize that you don't have to be just ONE thing. When people ask me what I am, I proudly say I'm half jamaican and half german and swedish. One side is not better than the other. Frankly, every race or ethnicity has their bad points and their good points. There are good people and bad people of every race and ethnicity, so there for anything other than a persons actions or behavior is NOT a good indication of who they are.
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tatted2death says:Posted: 03 Oct 08
good going, Bronze.... no one can tell you who or what you are.... I think it is quite possible for the whole archaic concept of race to eradicated within our (children's) lifetime; at the very least diminished to the point to absurdity (people once thought the world was flat....not that long ago actually when considering the entire history of man). We just must continue to define ourselves...seek out that "multi" option or demand that it be added. This IS a movement....a revolution of sorts. I am seeing more and more so-called single or "pure" race people recognize that NO ONE is 100% anything. And once people realize the ridiculousness of labeling people like canned food it will become easier to feel comfortable saying that you are who you really are .....A HUMAN BEING.....that will no longer just be a joke. Now (before it is even brought up) I am not speaking of the eradication of cultural heritage. That will always be there......but I think the components of "heritage" will be revamped. We will look more to the value systems and traditions of a people rather than getting sucked into silly stereotyping. Our identities will rely less on skin color and more on our ideals and sense of community. That is my vision.....I know others share it and we ARE doing things to the make dream a reality..... Peace and Blessings tatted2death
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BronzeEra71 says:Posted: 03 Oct 08
Oh, Big Mama, no one could have said it better: "People just don’t want to sit their BACK WOODS a** down, and take the time to get to know a person. They go by what they see, read and hear." I'm 'half black and half white.' The quotes are there because my white mom's actually probably more than 1/8 Native American and possibly has some Mediterranean background; and judging by my looks my father was quite likely part Indian or Arabic, having come to the U.S. from the Caribbean -- welcome to the good old U.S. of A. I grew up knowing only my mom's family, and living in very white towns and neighborhoods. Growing up in the '70's, I experienced patronization and hostility to an extent that I firmly believe very few mixed kids will have to deal with in this day and age. I too think that things are changing quickly and profoundly, and today's kids don't understand what the hell the grownups are making such a big deal about... :o) But for those who are raising young mixed-race kids now, I have a little bit of advice for the kids. First of all, the best defense is a good offense -- be friendly, and people will respond in kind. I was a super-friendly kid, and I erased all biased thoughts from probably 80% of the people I met who started out with them. My other advice regards the other 20% -- being mixed-race is an excellent screening device. You know instantly who are the assholes around you, and you can simply write them out of your program. It is very true, however, that they will feel different everywhere they go. That's the nature of the beast. I doubt that there's any shortcut through the search for racial identity; they'll probably just have to slog through it. But ultimately what this is is a VERY creative place to be. We are the only ones who are forced to decide what we are -- but the good news is, WE get to decide what we are. Finally, the family is where it's at. I was treated with all of the love and respect that my white cousins received, and that was my saving grace. My grandmother and great-grandmother were not happy when they first learned about me, but that lasted exactly until the first time they laid eyes on me. I can safely say that they both doted on me shamelessly. They were and are the center of my life, and therefore I base my identity on theirs: if I have no 'multi'-type option, I mark 'white.'
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tatted2death says:Posted: 29 Sep 08
OMG....is Coco for real??....please help me understand where you are coming from on that one. lovinlivin....I am "lovin" your post and have also chosen to embrace my "gumbo" bloodline...LOL. Anything less would not be me being me....Period!!! Yes, there is confusion in life but that is not due exclusively to "racial assignment" (your actual "race"-vs-what other see you as being). I grew up in different socio-economic areas. Blame it on my gypsy-hearted mother, but I would not have had it any other way. It opened my mind to the fact that so many types of people make this world go round. I experienced a wide variety of responses to my appearance (i.e. skin tone and hair texture). One hilarious comment from a pre-teen neighbor: "You're black but you're white!!!".....wtfh?!?!!?. Obviously that person was more confused than I could be on my worst day..LOL. Maybe it had more to do with them perceiving that I "acted white" (I get that alot..lol...another RIDICULOUS concept) because I know I don't look like a typical white person by any stretch of the imagination. On the same token I have had blond, blue-eyed people actually love my hair (in all it's curly/straight/kinky/wavy glory....yes, it IS possible to have all those hair types on ONE head...LOL) and admire my skin tone. In both cases I am like "whatever" (I am not one to get stuck on myself)....LOL. I strongly share the sentiment that Gemini573 shared...."Children will always cope as long as they have guidance from good parenting.".....That's NOT a "black" or "white" thing. Kids are going to get teased for just about anything and everything under the sun...but the test is are the parents exhibiting the fortitude to be honest with their kids...across the board...not solely about racial identification. There are too many other SERIOUS issues plaguing us daily to get caught up in worrying about something as trivial and so far out of your control as skin-tone (Drugs, teen sex/pregancy/AIDS, etc....come to mind). A child sometimes has to learn his lessons the hard way...all you can do is be there for them in the end...LOVE HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THAT. I am glad I learned to love myself for what my character consisted of rather than ANY "outer shell component". Peace and Blessings tatted2death
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lovinlivin says:Posted: 29 Sep 08
Being from a multi racial group myself I am concerned that my son does not understand. Our family is the basic, Native/Afro American/Caucasian mix popular in our Post slavery society. Now my son's father is caucasian, who knows if there is more to his story but he is a tall blonde/blue eyes and all. Anyway, my son has decided he is white. Now I tell him you are yes white but also other things and People are not going to see you as white. He is stubborn and insists that is what he wants to call himself. I on the other hand for years have gone by multi racial instead of Black when I had to fill out forms. Generally because I want to celebrate all the ethnos in my blood. My son is a grown up and I really do not know what I can do at this point except pray he does not get hit to hard with reality. I did not teach him to want to be white. We have always had a multitude of races in our lives. I think it would be a dull world without the variety of colors.
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Gemini573 says:Posted: 25 Sep 08
I have a problem with the term race. There is technically only one race and that is Human. We are then broken into different ethnicities. As a child from a Mexican mother and a Black father I have never chosen one over the other. I am both. I was raised with both cultures and know both cultures. My parents brought me up to be strong and stand for what I believe. Children will always cope as long as they have guidance from good parenting.
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Coco says:Posted: 12 Sep 08
There is no such thing as MIXED children. Bi, Tri, Multi this and that. Its crazy. It is gentically proven that there is NO such thing as MIXED people.
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strega2008 says:Posted: 12 Sep 08
I have three multi-racial children (Native American, African American, Swedish). It IS refreshing that, now, one is able to check multiple categories on forms. I have consistently taught my children from day one about their unique and special blend. As such, they embrace EVERY aspect of their heritage and all that they entail. When anyone asks my daughter (13) what "color" she is, she responds "Honey" because that is her COLOR. She's emphatically stated this since she was two. If they continue to ask, "no, really, what color are you?" She, eventually, tells them to look at a honey jar and hold it up next to her and they will see she is honey. All of my children are very secure and proud of who and what they are, without reservation or confusion. For "honeygirl_83," it is YOU who will mold your children's minds and build their self-esteem and identities. Others will make comments about race, weight, height, class, hair color, blah, blah, blah - there is nothing off limits to ignorant people. As I see more and more mixed children, my heart swells, because they are our future - one where there may no longer be color lines. I agree that it's ridiculous to expect mixed children to "choose" one or another. They are not just one race and should learn about and celebrate every drop of blood running through their bodies - not be forced to pick one.
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Chimera13 says:Posted: 24 Aug 08
I am of mixed racial descent (both parents are biracial) and my children both have white fathers. Of course they look white (well duh) but there has been a lot of intolerance directed at all of us. My son, who was surrendered for adoption and placed with a white family, has been labelled an 'albino black' because he has blonde hair & green eyes. I have been asked if my daughter is mine, if I'm her au pair. Well, my son is not legally blind like an albino would be, and my daughter is very much my child. What bothers me is that in the US, most blacks expect you to adhere to the one-drop rule and identify as black no matter HOW you look. But isn't 'racial identity' tied up in the culture more than the colour??
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BIueEyes says:Posted: 21 Jun 08
Dear Honeygirl_83, you are in one of the toughest spots to be in; caught between two worlds. But let me ask you this, what does your "gut" tell you? Your mind and heart are battling, but what about your instincts? What are they telling you. My daughter is now 26 yrs old and biracial. I am white, her father black. We never ended up married, so I was a single parent. We had to deal with name calling, being shunned, judged, etc. But I took my own strength and passed it on to her. My first words to her were "be proud of who you are, hold your head up high". She has grown to be a beautiful, strong young woman with 3 girls of her own and she is passing her strength on to them. Honeygirl, you will never please everyone. There will always be someone who will judge you and try to bring you down to their own pathetic level. You are trying to please everyone and in this situation, you can't. That's a reality. So, you at this point must decide for yourself without your parents or bf's input, what it is that YOU want in your life. After all, you will be the one living it on a daily basis. And yes, everything you are feeling is normal. When you care about others, you care about what they think. The differences between you and your fiance, what you must figure out is are they deal breakers or are they differences that can be lived with and compromised on. In conclusion, be true to yourself. Figure out who YOU are as a woman and human being and stick with that. Good luck!!
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honeygirl_83 says:Posted: 20 Jun 08
I dont know where to start... im in a interratial relationship where my parents dont like my fiance because he is black, he is american and im a white mexican, i live in Mexico and he lives in the States for now..We are engaged but only my mom knows for now and everytime she has the opportunity she says she hopes i change my mind because having a child from a black man would be like a curse for them because my kids will always be followed by racism... I would like that somebody tell me or guide me because i really feel confused. We dont have here in Mex as much racial diversity as in the States so that makes it even worst if we decide to live here but if i move to the States i will be apart of my family, things and people i love...all this makes me feel afraid of my future cause i dont know how i will raise my kids or how to "educate" my parents. I wish i could just ignore their meanness and move on but they are my parents and i care of what they think, its hard to explain cause latin people have strong family values but mainly im concerned about raising an interratial kid. My bf and i have talked about having a child soon and he is always so positive and makes me feel very good but i keep listening to what my parents have to say and i just end up having doubts and concerns. It will break my heart that my parents wouldnt love my kids. Speaking of marriage, my fiance and i have different points of view of certain things and i like that cause that makes our relationship so unique but i dont know how it will be in the future... like, if those differences will make us stronger or will tear us apart. I feel sad because i dont know if what i feel is normal or if im paying too much attention to my mom... Can someone of you give me an advice? or give me an idea of what im getting into? How it is being in a interratial marriage or raising interratial kids? the pros and cons?... dont know, something that helps me clear my mind. Thanx for reading!
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Ladytee1964 says:Posted: 16 Jun 08
I am a mother of 3 interracial children(21,17,13). I am white and their father is black. I have always considered them to be part of the "peace generation"...it will be a slow transition for society...but i have seen progress made in the past 20 years based off of of our experience. I feel that we as human beings can be our own worst enemy when it comes to racial disputes. Truthfully... "It ain't a race thing!" If a person possesses self-love and respect for the people around them...it all will fall into place.
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BWR_Kitten71 says:Posted: 16 Jun 08
As a child of interacial dating i am proud to stand up and say take pride in who you are because you never know who you mit be inspiring.
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Member says:Posted: 15 Jun 08
The hatefulness and the hate crimes, discrimantion over a person skin color, just breaks my heart. You are, who you are because you're parents love you. Color didn't come into play when the two of you met. And it wasn't a issue when you created the beautiful children that GOD BLESS YOU WITH. You're not a island all to yourself. (Although people make you feel that way.) Just know that I see you. I notice you. and that I love you. You're color don't matter at all to me, and I am so sorry that any of you have had to deal with such negative reaction or racial slurrs. I admit. I wasn't born biracial. But just being a black woman, alone, by itself. Have not always been easy. People just don't want to sit their BACK WOODS a** down, and take the time to get to know a person. They go by what they see, read and hear. And that may not be what you are about at all. We need to stop assuming about what is in front of us and make a stand for the children. There's doctor's amongst us, lawyers, professors the list is endless. Prepare your children and let them grow, Have enough confidence and trust in your kids, when the time comes, that they will know who to deal with. And WHO NOT to deal with. I know i had to circle the whole airport before landing the plane....But that's me. I love you all....And you're all in my prayers. Don't worry. Everything will get better.
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classylady03 says:Posted: 14 Jun 08
As a mother of two beautiful biracial children I can relate to discrimantion on a personal level. Growing in a big southern city in the projects there were lot of racism amongst my own race. I was raised to succeed the right and moral way. Currently working on my bachelor degree, as well as being happily married to a caucasian man with two biracial children tended to bring alot of unwanted prejudice. From the mouth of family members to neighbors we would hear racial slurrs such as "wanna be, your trying to be white, or your kids look like white kids, Ridicolous it sounds, but hatefulness is truly what is being said. Instead of us parents focusing on the negative we need to make a positive difference. My adivce to all parents who are trying to raise a biracial child, is to not give in to the hate the world or maybe your neighbor has to offer. Dont shelter your kids from the truth. Teach them to embrace their culture. Instead of being caught up in ignorance and sloathfulness, show them how to be all they can be in school and especially God. Be strong!
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Nicky says:Posted: 11 Jun 08
Parents can help biracial kids cope by telling them the truth.
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Blossom16 says:Posted: 11 Jun 08
I have two interracial children. Ages 4 and 1. Both girls. My 4 year old told me one day Mommy is black and I am white. (both of my children are extremely fair skinned) Now I ask how do you explain to a four year old that she is both races without confusing or scaring her. I told her, you're not white honey. And she just looked at me strangely. Then I said "you're not black honey" By this time she looked completely bewildered. Then I told her that she was both, and that made her really really special. She smiled and skipped away. I had no idea that I would even have to start thinking about this so soon with my children. But apparently I do. When I asked her who told her that she was white, she said "teacher".
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classydeb says:Posted: 10 Jun 08
As a mother of 3 biracial boys, 19,4,2, As stated above,in the doctors office, school forms, I absolutley refuse to check other, they are from two different cultures, and as a parent it is my responsibility to raise them to know both cultures, african american and white, as the years have past with my oldest son, times have changed, i filled out a form that actually had bi-racial box to check!!How exciting this is to see. As for the acceptance, my oldest son informed me along time ago, that he didnt know where he quite fit in at, he looked black, but as people would tell him he didnt act black( whatever that supposes to mean), he acted white, so when he came home to talk to me about this, i told him that people judges everyone, from weight to race to religion, and that you dont have to prove yourself to nobody but yourself, this is when he was 13, as time went on, he found his friends that accepted him for him, not his race, he is 19, and very smart and handsome i must say. This topic is a issue but not one that is as big as it seems to be, times have changed, everywhere u look u have differents races, that, love each other and have made children, from blk, white asain, latino. And i thank those beautiful people for making the world what it is:) Deb
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secchance says:Posted: 10 Jun 08
My brother and sisters are interraical Pureto Rican and Black A/D, they have always consider themselves black, because of the times we came up in,(1950 thru present) and now I have a great niece, who is Asian, and her fater is Black with roots of Puerto Rican, now how she will fair is probably deem herself black with Asian roots, not being egotiscal, but its just, when you are Biracial in that regards, the one drop rule is still evident in this society and other societies around the world, black (people of color) will more readily accept them then others. We know the struggle of identifying yourself.
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My name is Joe and I am mixed race. My mom is German, Norwegian, Swedish, and Israeli. My father is a black American that has white in him, most likely from slavery because his family carries a Anglo-Saxon name. First, I want to say that I actually am a mixed race person all grown up with children of my own. Now that you understand that I know what I am talking about please listen carefully. As a child I could not understand why my blonde haired blue eyed mother would marry a tall black man with black eyes. It seemed counter intuitive. My father was never around because he was more interested in drugs , alcohol, and sex. My father also beat my mother regularly. That said, I wanted to bring up the that on top of having an abusive father I had to some how find my own definition of self. This was and still is the most central issue in my life. In short, I hate being mixed race and I secretly alsways have. Also, it was not coincidental that every child I knew with a black father and white mother had relatively the same problems. Their black dad was never around, did drugs or drank too much, had been to jail, hit their mom, etc. I am saying this from FIRST HAND experience. The situation was the same for every mixed black and white kid I knew. My cousins, my friends, my moms friends, and our baby sitters. This was all in Minnesota mind you, where interracial relationships run rampant. My point is that race mixing is bad, period. You who decide to mate with someone that is not your race are the most selfish people of all! You do not consider the existence of your unborn children! You are too lustful! Especially black men. It is their genetics. I wanted to talk about a study in which a psychologist showed black and white people faces of black and white people to see if they had predetermined attitudes towards blacks or whites. The SHOCKING truth of the study was that the white AND black people liked the white faces better! What does this mean? Aside from anomalies in the population, people prefer white people. This study was actually documented in my first year psychology course in college. The class was taught by a doctor of psychology from the U of M, currently number 6 in the nation for medical. I am actually a pre-med student aspiring to go the U of M as well. It is unfortunate but evolution does not progress evenly across the entire planet. What this means is that RACES ARE DIFFERENT! It is unreasonable to assume that each race developed evenly after they all split from a common anscestor. There are reasons why Asians show higher average IQ then Whites. There is a reason why whites have higher average IQs then blacks. There is a reason why blacks are physically superior to Asians and whites. RACES are different because evolution is not fair. When you people are lustful for another race and create children, you are the perpetrators. You are the evil insensitive ones. You are the ones who create life but have no consideration for it's existence in the future. My point is this, if you are white and like Asians DO NOT marry them because your kids will not be Asian or white, they will be a mixed hybrid with no foundation to form an identity. If you are black and you like whites Do NOT marry them or have children with them because your kids won't be white or black. They will be lacking in identity because they will not belong to either race. We are not all part of the human race anymore than ponies, mules, horses, and zebras are part of the whole horse race! Races are different and deserve to progress unchanged or hindered. Blacks with blacks, Asians with Asians, whites with Whites. It is the media that wants us to forget about science and mix together so we don't have any cultural identity EXCEPT MTV, FOOD NETWORK, BLACK FRIDAY, CADILLAC ESCALADES, FLAT SCREEN TVs, ED HARDY CLOTHES, HAIR STRAIGHTENING, HAIR EXTENIONS, LADY GAGA, THE GRAMMYS, and GENERAL CONSUMERISM ETC. Mixed race relationships make children who have no sense of cultural or anscestral identity, instead they adopt the identity the media gives them. "we are all the same and we should mix at will because our cultural, biological, genetic, and aesthetic differences are so small." I shouldn't have to remind you that the way the kings of old would destroy a culture was to BREED IT OUT! THE MEDiA WANTS A MASS OF RACIALLY AMBIGUOUS PEOPLE THAT ALL SHARE CONSUMERISM AS THEIR CULTURE. PLEASE ANYONE I WANT YOU TO DISPROVE ME. I wish you could...