Man with comatose wife finds love online
I believe in online dating. And I believe that you can find true love online. I believe that online romance can be just as good as the real thing. But this one caught me off-guard.
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A few months ago, married man met woman online. He lives in New York and her in Boston. But this isn’t an ordinary story of a married man trying to get some online … oh no! He has a 15 year old son and is still married to an incapacitated wife. She was in an accident 12 years ago and is in a coma – she can’t do sh**! The dude is now in love with this online cuttie and is not sure if he can divorce his comatose wife especially, because of his son. Whatever happened to 'till death' :roll:
On the other hand, this online hottie feels the dude is paying too much attention to his ‘lifeless’ wife (her words not mine) out of pity than to her. And she has tried to convince the man to divorce her but continue supporting her financially.
What advice would you give to both of them? Do you think their love is real?
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29 responses to "Man with comatose wife finds love online"
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Friendly1 says:Posted: 07 Mar 10Alright....now let's hear it from a MAN who is in similar situation. Within 2 years of getting married, my wife, at age 28, developed Mutiple Sclerosis, which is a debilitating, neurological disease I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It affects the nervous system in a way that renders one unable to walk or do simple things like feed and dress one's self. It may lead to blindness. Well, she went from walking stick, to walker, to wheelchair. We had a daughter, who is now almost 17 within a year of getting married. For 14 years, I cooked, cleaned and took care of our daughter almost single-handedly. She stopped work within 2 years of her coming down with MS and went on permanent disability. I remained faithful to her during all the time we were together. For the two years she kept working I drove her to work every day, then went to work myself. In the last four years before we separated our sex life began to suffer. so that by the last year, there was none. She had, by now, become bitter of her situation and unappreciative of me. She said (believe it or not!)that I was not supportive of her! She also became an atheist. There was constant aguing and she would accuse me (falsely) of neglecting her. But through it all, I remained faithful. I would like to know what you would do in my situation all you talkers? A spouse who had become ill through no fault of their own but who had become embittered and didn't care about God let alone me. What would you do? Today we are separated and my daughter who is now almost 17 lives with me. (Her preference, not mine). i date whom I want, without any guilt, because I knew I had done the best I could according to the vows I made when i married. I realise that people change and when they do, they may change for the worse. It wasn't the illness itself that broke the camel's back. It was her bitchy attitude. (And by the way we did get counselling)
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Jill says:Posted: 01 Sep 09
I am a disable women who was injuied about 10 years ago. Before my injury I would have very little understanding about relationship being disable. 1st it's very hard. Most people fail to understand or care to understand. 2ndly, this man is alive and well When he took his vows he didn't agree to "die with his partner." His wife is dead! But she lives among the living from man made ast. Lastly, let this man live, love again, and have the union with a living women. Jill
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bardoville says:Posted: 23 Jul 09I think that's a sad story... 12 years is a long time and the fact that he's stayed with his wife that long in that state is only commendable... But I do understand his looking for love elsewhere, and I'm trying to think what I would do if I were the one with the comatosed husband and was in love with someone else... Firstly, the real love is for the wife since he's still there after 12 years. No one can dispute that... But why shouldn't the other be real love too? Just because it's online doesn't mean to say that it's not real... It's a horrible dilema, one which I don't have an answer for; at least not one that would make everyone involved happy... Were it I in that position... hmmmm..., I'd probably do the divorce since I would want my husband to move on if it were me in a coma for so many years... I think that's what I'd do. And I'd sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with the son. However, I'd find it hard to not visit my comatosed spouse every now and again and I would expect my new spouse to understand fully... My last word is that I think it unfair of the man's online love to damand anything at all. 12 years of devotion should not be messed with... She should leave him alone to make the decision that he will be able to live with WITHOUT her input... That's my thought on the matter... Char
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Member says:Posted: 16 Jun 09
Interesting... Thanks. But what sign on novelties of the news? sory...
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MusLopil says:Posted: 03 Jun 09
What interesting article, but where took information?
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lalaland says:Posted: 03 Jun 09
seems like there was a submission issue; the first part of the comment is suppose to read: "I consider this to be a hard case to analyze; I am 100% for "until death does us part", but that I understood the fully functional partner..."
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lalaland says:Posted: 03 Jun 09
understand the partner who is still fully functional. This being said I have a problem with him getting on the dating site if he was not planning on being serious; I place myself in the shoes of the lady whom he met on line. She was there to find a man and fall in love, which happened (note that if the man had not signed up for the site, she would have probably met someone else!). Now how is she to blame when she wants to consider her own future? Because there is no future for those two as long as one remains married. I think that the dad should discuss the matter with his son who is old enough to understand, and make a decision…I am thinking what if (miracles do happen), the sleeping lady happens to awake once the two got married; what then? I have an aunt who faces a similar situation; as far as I know she has never considered remarrying, her husband has been in a vegetative state since 1998 due to a car accident, and she has been personally taking care of him to this day. It also seems to me that, remaining unmarried in such a case is easier for a woman then it is for a man; am I right?
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luvmybrownboy says:Posted: 11 Dec 08
Yes! I love the one comment of "if you have to ask, I think you know the answer" . Definitely a mess. Hey this guy is MARRIED! some women are similarly wide awake yet, in "comas" you know? (men too) all in all, it adds up to an affair, and staticitics prove, almost always someone looses. Any way you look at it, it's an escape! How does she know this guy is legit anyways? And if she's a "hottie" , she should have better options. Anyone can BS online! These folks need to grow up!!!!
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Member says:Posted: 22 Jul 08
I like your blog. I am wondering if you are interested in selling links? Please email me your blog url in this email: datingsitesponsor@gmail.com
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Quanta says:Posted: 22 Jul 08
The other woman is has such low-self esteem as well as limited mind set. How can you eat off of another person's plate? I guess if you like scraps its okay. I feed my dog scraps too!
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Dynna29 says:Posted: 21 Jul 08ok, can i just say that this "online cutie" is COLD AS HELL!...ok, even if i made the mistake of gettin involved with a married man i would still have a understanding & sympathy for the situation that he & his wife managed to get thereself in. i would admire the fact that he is still even married to this woman becuz it does show that he does have a heart & he is capable of unconditional love despite the fact that realistically "this man has needs!!!" come on people lets be realistic. his wife is in a coma..she doesnt know whats goin on. she cant talk to her husband. she cant touch him. she cant satisfy him emotionally or physically..she pretty much is dead.. i can understand how this man absolutely loves his wife & doesnt want to abandon her but realistically has to move on with his life..i can understand how he still wants to keep that legal hold (marriage) on his wife so that he can continue to have a say in her care, how she's taken care of,what they will do with her if she dies...etc.. and lets not leave out that they have a child 2gether! who im sure he is taking care of so if he decides to abandon his wife there is no way in keeping that secret from your child! come on now, that man was there for her for 12 yrs. no "online cutie" is gonna change that...if this is too much for the other woman then she should just leave..im pretty sure she knew what the deal was when she first came to engage herself with this man...now she just wants him to abandon his wife who's life is pretty much over..HAVE A HEART!!!...u can get another man but she cant!
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gin2wine says:Posted: 21 Jul 08I think I understand just how fustrating both parties feel but it would be selfish of both parties if they pursue anything that is even remotely intimate or sexual. Firstly the day the man made his vows he gave up his rights to be with anyone else. He gave up his rights to make decisions for himself and to make decisions for the family as long as they are alive. If the mistress really love that married man then she should just be satisfied with being his friend. You might even end up in bed with him against youre better judgement but whatever happen do not encourage this man to divorce his wife. If you do, this man's family will resent you. That is guaranteed!!! I think both of you are just horny for each other, dont complicate the situation by thinking about divorce and/or marriage just yet.
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jahmiyyah says:Posted: 21 Jul 08I think that , If you have to seek the advice of someone else about a situation,then maybe you already know that the situation is a hot mess.If you have to get involved with someone that is already married, that says a lot about your character.It does not matter if the mans wife is comatosed,"or what have you", the man is still married.Even if they were just "SEPERATED",the man is still off limits.And if he would leave his wife while she is unable to agree to a divorce,who's to say that if a crisis came up with you"now the new woman", that he wouldn't do the same to you.I refuse to believe that it took this man 12 yrs to start looking at other women any way.Its all a no brainer!!!!!!
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MiamiQ says:Posted: 20 Jul 08Just wanted to add, this is exactly what happened to John McCain. The is the way the story goes: http://suzieqq.wordpress.com/2008/06/26/john-mccains-divorce/
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MiamiQ says:Posted: 20 Jul 08
To Abdul, I think the Muslim way provides answers to that dilemma for people who can live according to the life style. Women in the US have never been accustomed to living that way and our religion teaches us that it is wrong. The world is getting smaller and now we have to take into consideration global points of view. I suppose in your world, Abdul, this is not wrong and we should respect that. As for me, I would feel that I was disrespecting his comatose wife and the institution of marriage, if I had an affair with a married man. Peace and blessings all.
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Member says:Posted: 19 Jul 08
This man married this woman for better or for worse. This is the WORSE part. He have to honor his vows. What kind of man will he be if he don't? Not to mention, he has a 15 year old son, that he had with this woman. What kind of message is he sending his son? "Ooh Son, I have needs. So I'm leaving your mother for my Online lover." Even though at the present time his son can't do anything about. But the animosity towards his father will grow over time, til the point that he will show no kind of respect towards his father. And if his father goes on with the divorce. NOT only does he loose his wife. He will loose his son too. That's not a price any man should have to pay for treachery!
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sexyiam7 says:Posted: 19 Jul 08
Woman take it from experience, it will never last. I dated a married man for three years. I found out he was married after the first year of our relationship and continued dating him. He never made me any promises but he always complained about his wife. He wanted me to move to where he was and be patient with him because he was only there for the kids. Here is my advice to you, use them for what they are, a piece of meat with benefits. Yes this married man supported me financially but I stayed focus on what he really was to me, another woman's husband and when I got tired of him I dismissed him. Listen, if you want to stay with this man be very clear on your relationship with him because it is limited. If his wife came out of her coma, do you think he will stay with you? I can't imagine what you may be feeling but I can only pray for you and hope that are happy with what you are doing and if not, release! Kisses
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eva1059 says:Posted: 18 Jul 08
This is for both parties involved, first of all you the man know you still love her even though you cannot be with her anymore as a husband or lover or friend every time you look at your child you are reminded of what was so be real to yourself and to the online girl you are not going anywhere you would have done so years ago if this were the case of course now you want to know and feel what everyone else is looking for that feeling of love and being important to someone and your wife cannot do this for you try this take her hand in yours pretend she is just sleeping and will wake up....do you still feel something is your heart beating really fast now......there's your answer to your true feelings. Now miss on-line be for real with yourself why would you even start something with a man who is married and then once you found out his wife is in a coma still try to have something with him. You are not in love with this man for true will let him be the man he is suppose to be with his wife you wouldn't cause him pain or make him choose between the both of you this is love not me, myself and I.... unless of course you are a selfish person just trying to look out for herself and really doesn't care who get hurts I read a book once written by a man and there is an entire chapter regarding this type of woman she has her own name begins with a "B" I am not saying this is who you are you need to sit back and examine this whole situation if you truly love him like you think you do then you would be praying for him more than for yourself and if you do then let him be. If he is meant for you then down the road he will be yours without you interfering now. God Bless everyone involved (Him, you, wife and child)
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Mayadtr101 says:Posted: 18 Jul 08
Til Death Do Us Part!! Remember those vows that you took with your "STILL LIVING" wife. Marriage is something sacred and should be taken seriously. This online cutie needs to be a "TRUE FRIEND" and back off with telling this man to leave his wife that he is obligated to. Remember, we never, ever know what GOD has in store for us. So treat people (EVERYONE) like you want to be treated because it could very well happen to any of us. Do we want to be dismissed and forced to deal with something so hurtful and devasting alone. I don't think so. If this on line cutie has a heart , she will do whats right and not be so darn selfish. His wife doesn't deserve this type of betrayal and shouldn't have to live in extra misery with an unloving , husband. Only God has the last word on if or when his wife will recover. So be patient and look for signs from God on exactly whats needed to be done. Definitely not deciding to be with that online woman! Trust me , she's not the one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless you and Keep you/ your wife.
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foxy52 says:Posted: 17 Jul 08I think he should divorce his wife and marry the woman he now loves. There is no hope of this woman ever regaining the life she had before. The wife is not even aware of what's going on, true love is hard to find when you find it hold on to it.
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abdul293 says:Posted: 17 Jul 08hello for every woman,i say the man can love both of them his wife and his friend ,no problem,and he must be a muslim because in islam can the man get marriage from four women in the seem time and love both of them ,care with both of them ,and another woman can stay with him love him ,that what we do the arabic and muslim men ,have another love but our love continue to the last day of our life ,little of us devorced their women because no need to devorce if he has another love ,that what i say ,continue and be muslim.
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MZ.TRUE2U says:Posted: 17 Jul 08Well my comment or advice is that it is not good to start off talking or messing around with a married man...YES we may say well hey i will just talk to him without getting my feelings involved but we all know that you cant control how you feel at times it will sneak up on you.... But still to say that man is not gone leave his wife and if he does he doesnt have mad love for his wife....He married her through vows and like the other member said till death do part....Just imagine for instance if you gain weight and he is dissatisfied the what the point is no matter what happens physical with your husband or wife to injure them to make them disable you should stick by their side through thick or thin.....You should still love them as is and lastly i say and will remain saying that messing with a married man curses your life especially when you know that he is married because that one day you decide to get married or even be in a long relationship then some woman will come along and get yours.........But sweetie be patient and god will send you that special someone that he feels is for you.You dont have to rush or be impatient because you will get anything like a LOOSER you have now.Keep your head up and stay prayed up to get you through and away from this mess......... Sincerely MZ.TRUE2U
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MZ.TRUE2U says:Posted: 17 Jul 08
Well my comment or advice is that it is not good to start off talking or messing around with a married man...YES we may say well hey i will just talk to him without getting my feelings involved but we all know that you cant control how you feel at times it will sneak up on you.... But still to say that man is not gone leave his wife and if he does he doesnt have mad love for his wife....He married her through vows and like the other member said till death do part....Just imagine for instance if you gain wait and he is dissatisfied the what the point is no matter what happens physical with your husband or wife to injure them to make them disable you should stick by their side through thick or thin.....You should still love them as is and lastly i say and will remain saying that messing with a married man curses your life especially when you know that he is married because that one day you decide to get married or even be in a long relationship then some woman will come along and get yours.........But sweetie be patient and god will send you that special someone that he feels is for you.You dont have to rush or be impatient because you will get anything like a LOOSER you have now.Keep your head up and stay prayed up to get you through and away from this mess......... Sincerely MZ.TRUE2U
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lovelyMonaa says:Posted: 16 Jul 08Its interesting what this man was doing online in the first place. secondly, why does the mistress want the man to leave his wife bse she is desperate plizzzz get a man of ur own why poach on other people's men? Dear lady what makes u think that he wont leave U If u became like his wife in the near future afterall he left her for u and life my dear is not straight-it could be U next tyme. JUST WALKOUT WHEN U CAN DEAR DONT WASTE UR PRECIOUS LIFE WITH A MARRIED MAN HE IS NOT URS.
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2bfabu says:Posted: 16 Jul 08The advice I would give to the man is to either be with his wife or divorce her and be with the "other woman"...come on y'all he's given it the old college try and has stayed with her for 12 years. If this were my husband, I just do not think I would have stuck around for that long! The advice I would give to the woman/mistress is that she is a hot mess for getting involved with this married man, in the first place. And, if he does decide to leave his wife, please remember ----- the way you become involved with a man is usually the same way you will lose him! So, cut your losses, find a man who is NOT married, and who you will actually be proud to call your own!
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Mo says:Posted: 16 Jul 08No..I don't think think the love is real. Any person in true love would understand that of another person. He made a vow and married the one he is with. It will be a true test of his faith.
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Mo says:Posted: 16 Jul 08
No..I don'tthink think the love is real. Any person in true love would understand that of another person. He madevow and married the one he is with. It will be a true test of his faith.
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Friendly1, it sounds like you did what you could do to keep your marriage alive and well as long as you could.