Your spouse's awful friends
You are dating this pretty cool someone who is sweet and attentive. You like this someone a lot and can see yourselves becoming a solid couple …long-term. Much as everything is perfect, there is only one hitch … his or her friends.
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Your almost perfect other always tells you "You’re just gonna love so-and-so᾿, and then when you meet the friend, they’re mildly offensive and nothing like your spouse. Even the one who is supposed to be the closest friend is either a self-proclaimed womanizer or lazy and opportunistic. You end up grinning and bearing your way through many nights of their company.
Does the company that your new catch keep an indicator of something wrong with them? Aren’t there any nicer people to hang with? It kinda makes you wonder if your new catch is just putting on a show for you. Will this company be some bad influence later?
What should one do about their spouse’s awful taste in friends? How do you raise your concerns without sounding b****y? Should one end the relationship while it’s early?
Tags: spouse's friends
8 responses to "Your spouse's awful friends"
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fire321 says:Posted: 12 Aug 09I'm a firm believer in you can tell a lot about a person by the friends they keep. You know the saying "birds of a feather flock together". Besides, you're dating them, not their friends or family.
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Eric_T says:Posted: 11 Dec 08I'm gonna go with..., there's two sides of the coin. They're hiding something or completely incapable of making sound judgments based on some kind of optimism, naivety, or foolish belief in relative values. If they're hiding something than they're bad seeds. Spit em out. If they're a poor judge of character for any of the above reasons..., they could still be a very good catch and you know..., yeah. Of course, I still feel like people who make excuses for others or those who overlook serious character flaws just because that person never did anything wrong to them should be carefully watched and possibly dropped. Cause if you really take that kind of mentality to its conclusion, then you end up with something like this. "Adolf Hitler, yeah, I loved him. I mean, sure, people had issues with him but he was always nice to me..." You guys tracking? Good. You don't want to date the person who made friends with the neighborhood mass murderer.
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cocobaker813 says:Posted: 07 Oct 08I'm of the opinion that no one is perfect, and that people don't necessarily have to like each other. That being said, I also think that the friends kept are a barometer of someone's personality. If someone I was dating is friends with a person who has a hard time telling the truth or being faithful; steals, does hard drugs, lies constantly, treats some "friends" like they were ATM's or is on a first name basis with 911 operators/police/corrections officers at the jail, I'd have to wonder why they hang around with them. If the answer is "He's never done anything bad to me", my reply is that your name is farther down on the list and he hasn't got to you yet. Unfortunately, I'd have to wonder what this guy is doing hanging around with that person. As for Herelamnbaby, this isn't a color or race issue, this is a life issue.
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MarBar22 says:Posted: 31 Mar 08
I had a friend I was so fond of - thought she was the best friend a girl could want. My spouse wasn't at all impressed. I could never figure out why - she seemed to really be a good friend to me so I was baffled that he didn't see that in her too. He never said anything horrible, but would reluctantly agree to spend time with her, but always did because it was important to me. I've slowly learned over the past 9 months that she wasn't as good a friend as I thought. As I figured out who she really was, and that her moral compass is askew, he started sharing with me the reasons why he didn't like her and that he always suspected that I invested more in the friendship than she did, and hoped I wouldn't end up hurt. So nearly 15 years later, she's a stranger and no friend. My past boyfriends had the same things to say about her, but I never "got it" until now. The moral to my story is: Sometimes it takes someone outside the situation to see what's really going on and if I had listened to their instincts a long time ago I wouldn't have invested any additional time in a toxic friendship. My advice: If you really feel strongly about this person hang in there - eventually, if you're getting the real deal, the friends will fallout and all will move on. Thankfully I did, and thankfully he saw more in me than the company I kept at the time.
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SnehaSeeli says:Posted: 04 Mar 08I have friends that would try a saint. I don't judge as long as they are respectful to me and those around me. If I find they don't have the humanity required to function in my world, then I let them go. Some with regrets, others with a lesson learned.
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Ruth7 says:Posted: 29 Feb 08While we have friends who are different in their approach to life & perhaps in their outlook, personally I have never been able to become really "tight" with someone who does not share my core values. While it can be restrictive in a sense, our core values are what makes us who we are. We tend to gravitate towards like-minded beings. If my significant others friends were really offensive, I would have to establish whether there are things about him I know nothing about. Based on that determination, I would move on if need be with no regrets.
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HereIambaby says:Posted: 29 Feb 08Different person has different style.My black friends on the page, blackcentury. com , also have their own style.And they live a happy life .We can't comment anyone because we are different.
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Sometimes the friends we make as children continue with us through adulthood even if the commonality ends there. Sometimes you have to grin and bear it and sometimes you have to beg off.