Does sexual anatomy wreck marriage?

Posted by James, 13 Nov

Not tonight, dear . . . in fact, not ever

Feminism gave women control of their sex lives, but has it gone too far? Author and sex expert Dr Pam Spurr argues that many women are risking their relationships by saying ‘no’

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Before my sister got married, I accidentally eavesdropped on the advice she was giving her about marriage, “Hon, you have to be ready to attend to your husband’s sexual needs… sick or not.᾿ Well it seems in a times online article, sex expert Dr. Pam Spurr agrees with my mum. She says women need to start having sex with their partners whether they feel like it or not.

Most women feel that the sexual side of their sex lives is their own … something to be claimed. (Well, given the rise in sexual abuse, I agree with the majority). “That’s fine for single women flexing their sexual muscles᾿ says an author of an article I read the other day. So what should women do when in relationships? Give up their sexual autonomy?

Given the struggles and distress that come with careers and looking after the family, most women tend to ignore their sex lives. It becomes the last thing on their list of priorities. Some even go for several months without noticing they haven’t had sex with their partners. And this has pushed some husbands into having affairs (not that I am justifying cheating).

As Dr. Spurr puts it, women take a post feminism view where sex is something that needs not to be negotiated about. “In the bedroom, there is no compromise. If a man has a higher sex drive than a woman, then he can sort himself out. If he wants to try something new and she can’t be bothered, tough luck to him.᾿

Problem is, this feminist view has brought so much heartbreak in relationships. And Spurr points out that a sexless marriage can be a problem and gives a somewhat old-fashioned solution – both partners should consider sex as a duty. Just like doing house chores that are your responsibility in marriage (like a woman cooking or a man going to the roof to repair a leak), sex should be seen in the same light.

So what happens to ‘I don’t feel like it?’ – “Better that you just shut up and put out as to not piss off your hubby. After all, what's more romantic than thinking of sex as a duty?᾿

Romantic? I beg to differ. What do you think? Isn’t this submission? Should you give up your right to say no to sex to save your marriage?

Tags: sex and marriage, infidelity

3 responses to "Does sexual anatomy wreck marriage?"

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  1.   russneb says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 08

    There is so much reading you can do on this subject. Start there. However, the very nature of this article and its questions are skewed toward making the man seem a demon for wanting his wife. It also makes women seem like succubi for manipulating their men through the promise of sex. What I recommend to women is this. Imagine your husband turning you down on a regular basis. Whenever you (finally) want sex, he says "no." He gives you reasons, all of them seem like crap to you. He truly apparently does not desire you. What are your thoughts then? Try living in that marriage, because that is what has been posited in this article. Also, do you really think your man wants to have sex with you ALWAYS? I can speak from personal experience in saying that close to half of the times I've had relations with a girlfriend I have most assuredly not been in the mood. However, I got in the mood. It boils down to matters of maturity and love between the partners. Read up.

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  2.   ok says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 08

    sex is like day to day cooking, cleaning ,eating , brushing. go for it. you willfell healthy, charged, relaxed, energised,,. it is good for humans thats why nature or god created . you become clse to your mate. bre natural donot fight the urge. best wushes

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  3.   Virgo says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 07

    I feel that if you & your partner are truly 'in tune' w/one another then, you'll be familiar w/each others 'energy cycles'. You should know what your partners work, relaxation, sex & other high & low peaks are. If your partner isn't 'in the mood' from time to time, unless there's been tension or a problem in the relationship then chill out & know it's not about rejecting you! We can't all be home made 'porn stars' at the snap of a finger. Sometimes we need to 'refuel'. If your ego can take it...know that we're still 'hot for you' we just need to rest!

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