Some things I don't talk about...with just anybody!
Religion and Politics!!
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Everyone has their own "rules to live by" right? It's not that I have my rules etched on scroll or cinderblock, however, they are well preserved in that safe private and safe place called...my head. One of my rules is that I do not discuss religion or politics with just anybody. Try having a discussion about Interracial dating and religion.
Before we get off into what I'm sure could be a heated and possibly controversial conversation about religion let's first define it. It's one of those things that everyone thinks they know what it is, until they are asked what the "word" means. Then we realize that the definition really depends on who you ask and what they believe.
The Penguin Dictionary of Religions definition is as follows: "A general term used... to designate all concepts concerning the belief in god(s) and goddess(es) as well as other spiritual beings or transcendental ultimate concerns" and "human beings' relation to that which they regard as holy, sacred, spiritual, or divine."
The number of different religions varies like the number of diverse cultures. There are your standard and ever popular Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus and Buddhists, but what's a Zoroastrian? I've always known about Atheists, but didn't realize that even they have different levels and degrees. OMG (can I say that?).
What also amazes me is that even though no one can show me in any version of any Bible, the passage where it says that different races should not marry. We are not without many churches or "god fearing" people that will tell you that interracial marriage is not "best for man". I've even read and heard of articles and letters written from Religious leaders and Universities sighting that the fact that man was separated by cultural, language and even physical barriers, is the main reason that proves that "God" didn't want us to mix the races.
To this I still say..."show me the passage". There is definitely word that states that man should not marry outside of their own "faith". However, it says nothing about not marrying different races. If you want to pull out your bible, feel free to read the following: Exodus 34:10-16, Corinthians 7:39 or Deuteronomy 7:1-6
So, again I'll refer to my opening statement. There are some things that I just don't talk about with everyone. The reasons are really the same. Both in politics and religion there are those that have very strong opinions and beliefs and want to tell you where and why yours are flawed. There are those that don't really have a choice or opinion at all and their beliefs are predicated on their current company or state of mind.
Then there's the group that I love and respect, the group that I belong to. We believe that our personal preferences, beliefs and views are just that "ours" and "personal". If we want to talk about it we do, with other people that aren't trying to debate or convert us. Or worse, with someone that doesn't really have an opinion or commitment to anything.
Saying this I do realize that there are times that some public discussions have to take place. Like when the right to choose is taken away, or to educate those searching for definitions or answers to make an educated choice. Does anyone else think that there is a strong connection between religion and interracial dating? The similarities to me are clear. They are both hot topics. You'll never be without a group of people that have strong opinions about them and most importantly to me, how you feel about interracial dating and religion really does say a lot about who you are as an individual.
Also, keep in mind, when dating, it's important to know where your potential mate stands on important issues...like religion. Don't wait until you're already emotionally head over heels to find out if they want children and how the children will be raised if you don't share the same beliefs.
Since I don't discuss religion or politics, tell me what you think, because, I really don't want to talk about it!! This is Leticia and I've always said that it doesn't matter if your looks finance or education is not equal, it is important that you're both equally yoked...
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33 responses to "Some things I don't talk about...with just anybody!"
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Phoenix7 says:Posted: 23 Nov 08
I was raised in a very concretive white adoptive religious family. My dad was from the poor south while my mom was from the rich north. I was raised with the belief that the “curse of Ham” was something akin to the 11th Commandment. When I left to attend a private Christian college my parents made me promise I would never date anyone who was black. If I did, they swore they would make me come back home. I was on a full scholarship; it didn’t cross my mind that I could have gotten loans to make the difference, so I believed they had financial control of me. That promise broke my heart more than once, but I stuck to it. Although I dated anyone else I wished. When they challenged me, I reminded them of the wording of the promise and that I was honoring my promise. Unlike my adoptive parents, I had no real idea what my heritage was, although I deeply believed my heritage was biracial. Any time I raised the question to my parents it was shot down with a vengeance. Finally, I was able to track down the heritage of my birth mother and… surprise, surprise… I am indeed biracial. Suddenly my adoptive parents had a religious dilemma. Their daughter, whom they saw as something akin to perfect, was – by their standard – imperfect. So, what did they do? They denied it. Mom’s advice was, “Well… just don’t tell anyone. No one needs to know.” Dad looked me in the eye and said, “I didn’t raise no *n*” turned and walked off. Nothing about me had changed, I was the same person I had been for over 45 years, but suddenly, it was as if I became a complete stranger in their midst. I am proud of who I am and will not deny who I am for any reason. I learned of my heritage after I had married the father of my three boys, who is white. And yes – I believe it was more of an issue to him than he wanted to admit. Certainly it was for his family. I believe there is a huge difference between religion and Christianity. In my mind, true Christianity does not see color. Religiosity is a whole different story and filled with all kinds of “isms”. Not long ago my youngest son came to me and asked if I would date someone who wasn’t white. I asked him what his favorite Christmas present was last year. He told me and then I asked, “What color was the paper it was wrapped in?” He looked at me like I had lost my mind. I took him in my lap and said, “Baby, that paper was a part of the package, but not the whole package. It made it different and beautiful. But in the end it was what was inside that really mattered. Skin is the same thing. It’s part of us, but not the whole thing. It’s what is inside that matter.”
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cocobaker813 says:Posted: 11 May 08I very rarely talk of religion or politics on a date. Maybe sometimes amongst family and friends, but I think I'm a bit of a rebel when it comes to those things, especially religion. My mom is failry laid back about a lot of things and we agree to disagree on a lot of stuff. My sister and I basically agree 95% of the time. My friends and I also have some similar beleifs and opinions, but of course we don't agree a lot either. My dad, however has become more religious as he grows older, has always been pretty conservative in his beliefs. I usually don't talk to him a lot about religion because he gets into a tangent about how I need to "go to church" and become closer to God. I'm already very close to the Creator and feel that a church is a building where people practice a doctrine through rituals. A true CHURCH is anywhere...the beach, a park, the elevator in a busy skyscraper, my bedroom, in the car. I pray many times a day in my head, heart, and aloud; I ask for strength and guidance from Him/Her, read more than one Bible(that's key!)and am open to respect the beleifs and faiths of others. Many times I have walked into the church building and see a congregation who on the surface say they are Christians, but meanwhile are tearing down their fellow members because of how they dress, how much(or little)they tithe, who isn't 'doing enough', the fact they may wear a wig/weave(or don't, or should), who is sitting where and why, who is paying too much attention to the pastor...endless crap. And this is in churches of both one race and mixed race congregations. I don't need that. Suffice to say, my dad talks and I listen, and do my own thing. Maybe it comes from 13 years of Catholic school education, a Catholic mom and a Baptist dad who didn't force us to choose. If and when I have a child, I plan to(with his father)introduce him/her to as many religions as I can, let them see the positives and negatives of the faiths and draw their own conclusions. As for politics, I'll do the same(I will try!!). LOL
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jade74 says:Posted: 18 Dec 07LOL!!! Cocokisses.....thxs.....and thanks for the welcome back.Hiding out is good.LOL!!!
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 04 Dec 07I am hiding out :) It's good to be missed...RIGHT JADE74?
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2ute4u says:Posted: 24 Oct 07
i too was trying to date someone of another faith, am Christian--not by association; i try to walk and conduct myself by the basic tenets,however, after a month into tryingto get to know each other, i communicated to this person , how different we are in our beliefs... i love my faith ,and i love knowing that i can speak to God on a personal and not qwait until Ramadan to be more sensitive to p eople around or God for that matter...Jesus rocks...of course "religion" trumps "inter-racial" relations
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krockwyo says:Posted: 20 Oct 07To me faith and believing in Jesus as the head of my life is more important than the race however I know that people are curious as to why you would date or marry another race moreso than marrying or dating someone of another religion.
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Nasley says:Posted: 12 Oct 07
Hi I have had the experience of beign in an intermarriage it is important that the perspective partners learn more about there partners culture and beleves especially if one intends to emmigrate to that particular country. If cares for a particular person I would think in order for an loving and caring relationship to grow this will be one of the fundemental things to do other I cannot see how the relationship can flourish,
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 09 Oct 07
Glad to know you are working through your issues George.
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Fala says:Posted: 09 Oct 07
Congratulations George. Best Wishes to you and your lady.
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diva says:Posted: 05 Oct 07Great post George. That's the point I was trying to make also, about how people need to be more open minded, not just towards other races but other religions as well.
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TriChique says:Posted: 04 Oct 07Thanks for posting this topic. Sunryze - thank you for your post, too.
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George says:Posted: 03 Oct 07I thank God for open my mind and see that theres more than what we had taught from last generations that we must get married only to our race, theres nowhere in the bible and we also know that the wife of moses was ethiopian. God wants to open our minds and see beyond the limits that they have been taught us it was all about to keep us separated and building up walls and hatred throughout the centuries. I am getting ready to marry a woman from Zambia and i am very happy and the peace of the Lord is covering us and directing us. To every one that having a doubt that it's not ok , i say go on and read the rules where so many centuries have been held us under. The earth is our country and we must have the right relations with every one. God's ways going on beyond our limited minds.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 03 Oct 07
Let's not discuss religion. We have fanatics all around the world crashing planes into buildings and killing themselves for the sake of their religion. they don't understand my God, and I don't understand the mentality that goes with killing yourself for the promise of doing many many virgins in the afterlife. WTF????
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Fala says:Posted: 01 Oct 07
This is why the subject of religion is verboten with me. This conversation should wrap around the same time the Arab/Israeli conflict does. Pull up a chair and grab some popcorn folks.
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outpass35 says:Posted: 30 Sep 07I use to stay away from the subject. and then when I got married I was coming from a chritian background that was so different from my husband, the priest at my church told people there is nothing wrong with an interracial marriage my husband and I had known each other since we were 12 years old and when we decided to get marriage there were mixed emotions as to how people would react my dad said to us it did matter you two have to live with each other and to us that all that had matter.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 24 Sep 07
I don't discuss politics. Seems like it always get heated when you don't agree. I especially don't do it at work. Higher Management wants people who share their views on everything, and I'd rather not speak on it. Nothing like a big debate between Donkeys and Elephants to get the blood boiling :)
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whytb0y says:Posted: 23 Sep 07ok now i did some checking and it actually does show where god approved of interracial marriage and to those who say he did not approve ,you need to read your bible and pay closer attention . numbers 12-1 moses married a cushite woman .cushites are in kenya so moses married a sister and when he got dogged for it god's anger burned against those who were hating on moses . the link --> just copy and paste any of the following links . http://bible1.crosswalk.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?word=numbers+12§ion=0&version=kjv&new=1&showtools=1&oq=&NavBook=mr&NavGo=4&NavCurrentChapter=4 definition of cushites --> http://www.bluegecko.org/kenya/contexts/cushites.htm ok now there was king solomon ,yes he was in love with a sista ..The Queen of Sheba. The queen, who visited King Solomon and marveled at his wisdom, was queen of Ethiopia and Egypt. In scripture, she is called "the queen of the South." Scriptures: I Kings 10:1; II Chronicles 9:1; St. Matthew 12:42. and in reality there were a great number of blacks in the bible ,just back then they were not refered to as black ,so in modern times we must do some research but the truth is there if one is willing to acknowlege it. and another thing that drives me insane although not the topic , is this whole depictions of white or black jesus's the man was born in the middle east he was of middle eastern descent . blacks in the bible a link --> http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_n4_v49/ai_14781982?lstpn=article_results&lstpc=search&lstpr=external&lstprs=other&lstwid=1&lstwn=search_results&lstwp=body_middle
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outpass35 says:Posted: 23 Sep 07
Interracial marriage is to other people look like everything is wrong with it. only if people would pick up the good book and read it then would they see.
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girlsixdiva says:Posted: 22 Sep 07
Well my whole point is that it's important not brush people off who *are* open minded to what you believe in. If someone is willing to learn more about what you believe in then there is a chance they may want to get more involved in what you believe in, and possibly even convert. Now if they are firmly grounded in their own beliefs then that's a different story. But at the same time I don't believe in trying to push my beliefs on those who aren't willing to learn. Everyone has a right to their own religious beliefs.
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Jade74 says:Posted: 22 Sep 07
Thank you Sunryze,Diva and most of all thank you Cocokisses.I am open minded but ive been down that road where sometimes it can be a hindered to you spritually if they are not open minded to religious discussions.There are times when you will be question about why you believe in God and go to church to worship.So make sure when you get involved that you are on the same page.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 20 Sep 07
I'm with you on that Jade. That's something we have to be on the same page about. If God isn't in your life, then I am not in your life!
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Diva says:Posted: 20 Sep 07
I felt like that at first too Jade, but then I thought about it and realized I had friends from other religions and figured deep down it wouldn't be right to cut him off when I didn't cut all those other people off. Also he is very open minded and willing to learn more about my faith (and even said he wanted to try praying with me). That's what really made me decide to at least stay friends with him. I forgot to mention in my first comment that I was really disappointed at first, but then he brought up the fact that I was willing to accept his ethnicity but couldn't accept him because he wasn't Christian like me. That was really a wake up call for me, because I always told myself I would never date or marry anyone who wasn't Christian. My brother was raised Christian and recently converted to Islam so he could be with his girlfriend, and I have a friend that met her current husband on this website and she was telling me the other day that he is thinking about converting to her religious denomination. So I just feel like it's really important to be open minded towards others, especially when they are open minded towards you; because you never know what wonderful things you could be missing out on.
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Sakary says:Posted: 20 Sep 07Interesting points of view. However, every single person should remember that certain translations and editions of the Bible emphasize different things. The Holy Book has always been interpreted differently by different people. My personal point of view is strictly humanitarian: "My God" does not even recognize the discussion about "races." Therefore any edition of the Bible saying anything about "different races" is nonsense to me. There's only different cultures. Period!!!
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Jade74 says:Posted: 19 Sep 07
Congrats Diva.Wish you the best.I've had the same chat.From reading some of the profiles and the men that contact me.Some are agnostic and that will not work with me.
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Jade74 says:Posted: 19 Sep 07
Thank you Sunryze for a wonderful comment on interracial marriage from the Bible.
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diva says:Posted: 19 Sep 07
Wow I am so glad this topic was brought up..I wonder if someone over"heard" me talking about this in the chat room once? Me and Sun have even chatted about this. :-) There is someone I've met here who I'm going to meet in person very soon. I'm so glad I brought up our religious beliefs before things started to progress more than they had so far. It turned out that he doesn't share the same faith as me but he does respect my beliefs, doesn't mind his children being raised according to another belief besides his own, and even wants to learn more about my faith. We've even had a few heated discussions about politics too, but we still value each other's friendship. Like the article says, its best to bring this up ASAP when you start to have feelings for someone because it can be very upsetting and disappointing if you wait too late to have those kinds of discussions.
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Sunryze says:Posted: 17 Sep 07Interracial marraige is certainly recognised in the Bible, it is always the compatibility of faiths and the intervention of God between the two that is key to their success. Examples: Boaz (Hebrew) & Ruth (Moabite)who became the great-grandparents of King David of Israel. Xerxes (Persian king) & Esther (Hebrew Jew) who had a loving relationship and were both required to bring about the execution of an evil oppressor of God's people (Haman the Agagite) There are many others of course, but the New Testament claims that both individuals must be yoked together in the Lord Jesus; all believers, regardless of ethnicity, are one in Him. As for 'race', there has only been one race...the Bible claims we seperated and spread throughout the world halfway through the building of the tower of Babel, so we are all related anyway. It was at this time different gene pools and characteristic features and pigments developed over time, but we remain as one race. This is the Creationist/Christian viewpoint which is totally accepting of interracial marraige within the Christian faith.
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My views of religion and politics doesn't usually come up on a first date. However they are things that are good things to discuss as a relationship continues. If a woman identifies as a fundamentalist Methodist, let's say, who has sworn death to all others and has a right wing political bent and has no use for any other point of view, I suspect that we will not get along on a whole host of issues.