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How to deal with "...ISM's"!!

Posted by Leticia, 14 Nov

"Nope not talking Sex, Social or Race, but..."

Before you start forming your nasty little comments let me say this, opinions are like booties...everybody's got one. Some we like more than others, some we don't ever want to see and others we can't get enough of...you get the idea. How do you give and take criticism says a lot about who you are, where you are and what you believe. The only question is "who's really cares?"

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I'd like to think that I can take constructive criticism as well if not better than the next guy or gal. I've worked in an industry that dished it out quite regularly as a yardstick to measure talent, position and value. How I dealt with that information determined my growth in a lot of instances. With that in mind, in my younger years I listened, made adjustments and tried again. Well, experience is the best teacher and now in my older more mature mind, I still listen, determine if any adjustments are necessary based on my core ideals, thoughts and values, make adjustments if necessary and then move on.

See, I've always known but, it's taken me a while to learn that everything ain't for everybody! The more you know yourself, the less likely you are to be offended when criticized. It's also important to know the difference between criticizing the person verse the action of a person. Surprisingly, a lot of people don't know the difference. For that reason alone you have to take it with a grain of salt.

It's very clear to me when I read some of the comments on this site, that people are so passionate about what "they" are passionate about. Often they attack another person -personally, instead of addressing the statement or opinion. They are not the same. Good people do bad things and smart people make stupid decisions. Although many could argue that we are the sum of our actions, thoughts and values. I have yet to meet a person whose character could be defined by one crazy opinion held or contentious view expressed.

Instead of "don't ask, don't tell, my personal stance is "I don't tell unless you ask"! The reality is that most people don't really care what you think. While you're pouring out your heart and soul talking about your personal triumphs and defeats, what happened that brought you to this place in your personal awareness where you formulated your morals and core values and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They're already thinking about how they can interject their story, their experience, what their response is going to be to questions that you haven't even thought to ask yet.

Besides, what are your real motives in offering criticism anyway? Is it to tear down or build up? Is it to make you feel better or make them feel worse? Are you stating fact or mere opinion? I already told you what I think of opinions. So, what is Leticia's answer to criticism? I like to call it "positive suggestions".

Don't tell me that you think something is ridiculous because "you" would have done it differently...do it differently. I don't write to sway your opinion only to offer mine. Keep in mind that "our" opinions come from "our own understanding" not yours.

Leticia says..."you do you and I'll do me and if by chance we find each other...its beautiful!"

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14 responses to "How to deal with "...ISM's"!!"

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  1.   Fkoi says:
    Posted: 20 Feb 08

    I'm not as tactful as you. I would say that opinions are like asses. Everyone is one, at least from time to time. Usually I can accept that not everyone is gonna think like me and let it go like that. I might disagree but I try not to take some one's opinion personally or to let my disagreement get personal. Then there are those "other" days. Just ask the woman at the supermarket yesterday whose opinion I took personally and fired back equally personally. That led me to having to go back and admit that I was an ass and to apologize, which she graciously accepted. There are also times when someone's opinion has the authority of law or at least social more. Legitimate protest doesn't seem to be enough, but bringing someone's "raise" into the discussion (even if his "raise" is a former President) does not lead to serious discussion or change. Largely I'm at my best when I realize that a person's opinion, even about me, is none of my business.

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  2.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 19 Feb 08

    There is Judging and there is opinion Everyone can have a point of view I always try to say this is my point of view because I don't have any room to judge anyone, So I try no to you have to live in someone shoes to understand where they are coming from. That what my stepdad always said to be and until them you have no room to judge and up until now I believe that.

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  3.   Sharon says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 08

    HAPPY VALENTINES DAY ALL YOU LOVERS OUT THERE... I HOPE YOU FIND THE SWEETHEART THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. OR have fun trying! Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  4.   besweet says:
    Posted: 01 Feb 08

    well I am used to being asked for advice a good part of the time. It is hard sometimes for me not to think what i say is law. LOL ! joking!!.. but really I try not to give the advise or opinion with out being asked. and I do preface my advise or opinion with the statement If it was me Or my thinking on that is ..... And then i will end with ..But that's just me . YOu do what's best for you ! And I don't take offense if they dont follow my advise. Things work out differently for others and may not be to their advantage what I think or would do. And thats just how you have to look at it. Everyone comes to different conclusions , results , and obtain differing opinions sometimes from the same type actions in their lives. and it all has to be considered when socializing with others.

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  5.   SnazzyBella says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 08

    I have starting thinking more before I speak.

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  6.   cocobaker says:
    Posted: 12 Jan 08

    I really am learning , like girlsixdiva, that folks mistake their opinion for fact. I sometimes stop myself from making that mistake. As for not judging others, I feel that that is a human trait that can be a dangerous shortcoming or a lifesaving tool. It's up to that person to use it wisely.

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  7.   Fala says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 08

    That's a good one Sharon. I never heard that before.

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  8.   Sharon says:
    Posted: 04 Jan 08

    I thought that old saying went... "Opinions are are like arm pits...everyone has at least one and most of them stink...!" Smiles, Sharon

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  9.   riverrunsred says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 07

    We all have opinions and different thoughts . That's what makes us different. The problem being is that a lot of us are quick to judge. I was always taught not to judge others, only one may judge and that is GOD almighty.

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  10.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 13 Dec 07

    That's true how a lot of people need to stop bashing others when they state their opinions. And they also need to realize an opinion is not necessarily a fact.

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  11.   Otherhalf says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 07

    It gives insight into other's motivations and reason to be introspective of my own.

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  12.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 07

    We all do that at various points points in our lives... AND WE NEVER LEARN!

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  13.   Fala says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 07

    Ashamed to admit I do the same Coco. This article definitely opened my eyes.

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  14.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 07

    Very good article. I can honestly say that I am guilty of the above offense. Makes me step back and think before I comment.

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