Who you calling a cow?
Women who love too much!
Do you or any women you know, love way too much? They just give and give and can't ever seem to get a fraction of that back in return? Remember the saying, "Men won't buy the cow if they can get the milk for free"? Perhaps this article is just what we all need as a refresher course on how in 2007, milk is not only not free...it isn't cheap.
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I remember the title of that Robin Norwood book like it was written yesterday. It stands out so clearly to me because I bought two copies; one for my mom and one for me. I told myself that it was preventive maintenance. Now some twenty years after the first print of that title, women are still doing the same thing...hoping for different results.
If by some chance you are that one woman in the universe that has never loved a man too much, please, please, please leave a comment, a photo and your phone number so that all the rest of us can call you and find out first hand how you did it. I never met such a woman, much like Bigfoot, we've all heard stories but, they were just passed off as urban myths.
Everyone says that most women are very emotional creatures. So, naturally we love, we give, we think, we analyze, we don't think, we analyze some more, we hurt, we cry, we forgive, we try to forget and all the while we continue to love. We love things, people, and places, memories of actual and fantasized events. We love the possibilities of things to come and those that have long been forgotten by everyone else but us, because we love so damn much.
Love has served its place in our lives as weapons, excuses and badges of honor. Women have based their self-worth on the degree of love returned to them by a man. Now think about that one for a minute. Have you ever thought (even for one moment), "What's wrong with me"? Have you ever wondered why not you? Have you ever been low enough (figuratively), to even ask him that question? Does an answer exist that is ever good enough to hear? Growing up around a lot of men who cheated and with women who either were being cheated on or the ones that they were cheating with taught me a few things. The most valuable of which was people are going to do what they want to do, so you have to know what you are willing to put up with. Robin Norwood wrote in her book of affirmations "We are certain that if we show someone how much we love him, no matter how he treats us, he will change. What we are really showing him is that it is safe for him to remain the same". You can never love someone else enough for the two of you. You can only love yourself enough to not have to be loved by someone else.
Too often we build up another person so much that when they lose interest, we think it's because we are not enough. The truth (most of the times), is that they were never enough. They were not what was right for us long term. We must always remember the difference between finding the "right" man and finding a man right now. The right man knows that you are far more valuable as a whole than in parts. The right man will never allow you to devalue yourself to increase his worth.
The right man not only buys the cow he owns the farm and the land and is willing to share it all with you because he knows that the true value of your love. I don't say that to mean that it's a man's world and we're all heifers waiting to be taken out to pasture. I say that to remind you that any true man that is worth our time, energy, love and affection is a man not only because he can provide but he wants to provide.
And guys, any woman that is worth your love, loves herself with or without you.
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33 responses to "Who you calling a cow?"
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Monique says:Posted: 24 Jul 08
Thank you for posting this article. I truly undersell and underestimate myself. When a relationship goes sour, I point the fingers towards myself. Surely, I think, it's something I did wrong, somewhere I fell short, somehow I was not good enough. Whereas, the reality is that the guy was not good enough for me.
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Morningflower says:Posted: 21 Jun 08
WOW! This article hit home! ahh..to have been young and dumb!! But it was a lesson learned - no looking back here! It may cause me to bump into people who are not going my way!
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cocobaker813 says:Posted: 05 May 08I think this article answers the question on another article..."Why are YOU still looking for love?" I'm (finally)grown up and know that while I'd love to be in a stable, long term, healthy relationship, I value the stable long term, healthy relationship I have with myself. I have promised myself that no matter how much I love a man, I will love myself more.
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fkoi says:Posted: 29 Apr 08We have all been batted around by life and it naturally affects what comes around afterwards. It takes a lot of work and a lot of courage to recognize what is my stuff and what is hers or his. There is also a real danger in loving someone for who they might be rather than who they are. I have done it and been done by it. There's something "wrong" with all of us. No one is perfect. Even so, we have to strive to be happy with who we really are and to try to assess the ones to whom we give our love with honesty as well. If he acts like a pig, that sausage ain't worth frying over. Or so it would seem.
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Member says:Posted: 29 Jan 08
If you want to be co dependent be co dependent on yourself not someone else that give them the the power over you and to control. I was like that if I was there no matter what he would love me no matter what wrong! that gave him the power to run over me so I came to depend on me and to love myself before loving anyone else
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sweettartred says:Posted: 27 Jan 08
RE: "Men won't buy the cow if they can get the milk for free" To which I always reply....."Why pay for the whole pig when all you want is a little sausage?"
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Sharon says:Posted: 03 Jan 08...Co~dependence is an addiction! Buyer beware! Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon
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SWEETFOXFIRE says:Posted: 25 Dec 07
A man!! To That! This message is so true, Ws as women need to start standing up for what's right and start loving ourselves more than allowing men to control our emotions.. As the saying goes "A MAN CAN'T DO NO MORE THAN WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO"
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luebella says:Posted: 25 Dec 07
I am with LS1551. It only took me one lesson, at a much younger age than I am now, about the pain of loving too much. Now I am at the other side of the spectrum and have been for some time. I really love myself, which is reinforced by the fabulous friendships that I do have. Tip: as soon as we start making excuses for the none-too-kosher behaviors of the person that "loves" us, that is our red flag for our slow but sure erosion of self love topped off with a dollop of low self esteem. Watch for the signs people! It happens to the strong ones too. The signs are there, we just have to admit and acknowledge it. Start packing once you realize that your one excuse has turned into an ugly pattern.
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elna says:Posted: 16 Dec 07
Thank u so much for passing this message across.I agree with this article because women tend to love so much.Women always love those men who cheat on them,and pretending to love them more.Women its high time we know what our hearts need.choose wisely.
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PrettyGirl27 says:Posted: 14 Dec 07
This sums it up. Are you all listening out there?
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 11 Dec 07Interesting article...am sure there are a wide variety of people out there
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ls1551 says:Posted: 08 Dec 07
I read the article and I am one of the women who has NEVER loved too much! Yes, we exist! I have no problem walking away when the situation is not right for me, use logic more than emotion. Remember, men will follow because women set the standard. If you settle for average he will give you below that. I've been accused of being to into myself, I call it loving myself. I have the guys jumping hoops and asking me to get serious with them because I am first in love with myself and they want a piece of it. Walk with your head high, recognize your mistakes and realize that they do not define you. Your crown is not on your head but in your heart. You are queen.
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ncnikki says:Posted: 04 Dec 07
I don't know any woman that ever WANTS a "little" sausage!!!!
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Aishah says:Posted: 02 Dec 07
I have to agree with Fala. Too many women dont have the confidence in themselves. That's why they end up with man who treat them bad. But on the other hand some men claim they want a confident woman and when they find a confident woman that start to back off.
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Dark1ande says:Posted: 24 Nov 07
Interesting. I think when we look for love the first thing we should realize is that we are a whole person. Then pick a partner who knows that he is a whole person as well. Love is great when people are together because they chose to be together, not because of needing that person but wanting to be with that person.
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Fala says:Posted: 24 Nov 07
This article was right on. You can't truly love someone else till you love yourself. Too many women get hung up on having a man in their lives just for the sake of having one there. I hope more women will come to realize they don't need a man to validate them as a person. Come on ladies! Have some confidence in yourself!
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vanillashake says:Posted: 20 Nov 07
Then again, some women ask, "Why buy the whole pig, when all you want is a little sausage?"
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cutesaved1 says:Posted: 19 Nov 07
Amen! I have myself been guilty of loving too much. I think most woman have as youre article states. The thing is to learn from your mistakes, but not take 'baggage' into the next potential relationship. I love 'hard' and in the last relationship it got me into trouble. I learned that not every man claiming to love a woman deserves her love in return.
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try2beleve says:Posted: 19 Nov 07
the article was insightful, but it also can be that way with men. i myself am an example of that. i love the woman i am dating so much even when she is cruel to me. and i do the same hoping that the more love i give that she will eventually change. but it doesnt work. so the author is right it is more that person doesnt love you enough. but to get to the article, if a man can not accept and love the woman for more than her body then that man is not worth any womans attention. as a male i am learning that it takes time to find that right person, and the same applies for women. seriously know someone first then move to a pace where things can get serious. it may not totally eliminate the love too much scenario if the man is still loveless towards her but it can minimize the bad qualities to not put a man/or women in that position in the future. the most important thing to realize is love yourself and realize that if someone does not love you for who you are then they are not worth it.
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I couldn't agree with you more Fala. Everyone should love themselves first and then you can love someone else. I can't tell you how many profiles I've read that say "I'm looking for my other half" OTHER HALF? WHAT! Aren't you a whole person in search of another whole person to blend your lives together in a meaningful way? No wonder there are so many DIVORCED people on the internet! I guess I'm a minority here by being a Widow who is a whole person in search of that elusive male who is also a whole person.