It's all about the C word!
Learn the secret to every successful relationship....the C word! Today we talk to Todd Creager, from the Todd Creager Center of Successful Relationships, to get to the bottom of this vital relationship ingredient.
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He has helped thousands of individuals whether they are in home or in a workplace, learn how to bring out the best in others. Likewise he is extremely successful out bringing the - - he is successful at bringing the best out of his clients. I had to get that out. He also consults with organizations that are either in crisis or underachieving due to work conflict and lack of teamwork or ineffective leadership.
In addition, he works with forward thinking organizations that may already be successful and want to run optimally with high moral, excellent teamwork and inspiring leadership. Through his work as well as his personal successes and failures he has come to the conclusion that it all comes down to the moment by moment choice, "I am going to be creative or passive in a situation or interaction." And he believes that you should bring out the best in others and bring out the best in yourself.
Thanks for being on the call Todd.
So the first rule is to allow - - I guess to agree to disagree.
Well, I say I like for you guys to try to go from a 2-step to a 3-step where it is more like a waltz where you say what you say. And if you talk first it is your turn and your turn does not end until you get the subjective experience that I heard you. That is when your turn ends. And so if you talk, even if I want to say something - - because typically when somebody says something to me I am already thinking about what I want to say and then I am going to say it back.
But in an emotionally charged situation, it is better to show some self-discipline and look at the other person, "Okay. I am with you." What do you - - okay. And you need to learn to stay with what the other person is saying. "Okay. You are angry at me or you are disappointed. Okay. Tell me more about that." Not easy to do but it is the only way it works. Then when the person feels like "God, you really heard me. Now I can tell you what I think and what I feel.
So that is the good thing. That is what makes it different. What makes it similar is you still have the same - - typically the same anxieties, fears, the decisions we need to make and how much do I share? How do I not share in the beginning? Those kinds of things are all still the same.
And so I guess the most important thing is to relax and try to stay as calm as possible. To keep your intuition open so you can listen to it.
For example, if I - - my partner is in a bad mood and treating me badly I may have to remember, "Well, yesterday she is treating me really well and she was really sweet. How would I talk to her if she was talking to me like that? How would I look at her? Now, my eyes might soften. She might see my eyes soften because I am thinking about yesterday. And me - - her seeing my eyes soften might lead her to somehow remember "Oh, you know, I like this guy." And treat me well.
So that is - - what I mean of being creative is not just going with whatever I am feeling at the moment but trying to find that place inside of me that I can say, "Okay. How can I - - what can I say?" Honesty is not always about saying whatever is on my mind. It is but it is also about what can I say and how can I deal with this situation so that I could get the results that I want.
Now that the person softens, she is putty in my hands. And now I am here to get what I want. It is I say living with a little bit of like x-ray vision. I want to say that there is a behavior that you may not want but it is coming from some deeper thing inside of that person. And if we - - if I have a couple that can get that, they are graduating.
48 responses to "It's all about the C word!"
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anne says:Posted: 07 Jan 08
thank you for such a dynamic article, it will never get old. It cannot be stressed enough...
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 05 Dec 07
LOL @ Fala and Mossimo :) If Fala did find love, she won't kiss and tell ;)
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Fala says:Posted: 18 Nov 07
Hey! It's not that hard to believe!!!! It could happen, dammit!
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nicefella115 says:Posted: 15 Nov 07
i know right mossimo, its hard to believe!!!
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 13 Nov 07
Fala found love? Stop the press!! Where? When? With whom?
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 09 Nov 07
Its all about communication!! Everyone communicate amongst yerselves!
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Fala says:Posted: 08 Nov 07
Thanks Coco and Sweetness. I feel so loved when I come here!
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 06 Nov 07
Thanks nicefella! Life is about passion, and spirit, its about love, its about people, its about connection!!! Its not about the cincinnati bowtie, or the hanging brain, the arabian googles or the Hot karl. Think about it
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 01 Nov 07
You can always count on Fala & Unme23 for a few good laughs :)
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 30 Oct 07
Very good article and so very true. The C word killed my marriage.
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Fkoi says:Posted: 29 Oct 07
I've spent a lot of time in relationships choosing being right over being happy. Even when they are not mutually exclusive that's not a cooperative attitude. I've learned to have more respect for the feelings and opinions of the other person and looking for how they are right, even if they disagree with me. It certainly works better for me.
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dragon1956 says:Posted: 24 Oct 07
I think that this is good advise, thank you.
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Fala says:Posted: 22 Oct 07
Awwww sorry Unme, but to tell you the truth apparently i'm only worth 10 points too! LOL
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dragon1956 says:Posted: 20 Oct 07
There really should be more articles on this subject.
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greenpumpkin says:Posted: 15 Oct 07
So that's what the "C" meant! Interesting.
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Fala says:Posted: 02 Oct 07
All right Unme - Mr. 10 big points on Winning Faces!!!!!
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 28 Sep 07
Yes they did change the picture. I didn't notice until Fala mentioned it :)
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 24 Sep 07
Interesting article, well worth the time to read
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Dora says:Posted: 22 Sep 07
I really enjoyed this interview. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we think differently not incorrectly and that both people can be right.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 20 Sep 07
At least we are all having fun with this one :)
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Fala says:Posted: 19 Sep 07
I see they changed the picture for this article - maybe "they" are listening to our comments.
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Fala says:Posted: 14 Sep 07
Feel free to join in Sweetness. Audience participation is greatly encouraged!
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Fala says:Posted: 05 Sep 07
Maybe it's the picture of the old guy they have accompanying this article. Put a nice, hot young guy out there and watch them rush to get here and read.
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Cocokisses says:Posted: 03 Sep 07
Me too Fala...especially from the guys. I think they are having a problem COMMUNICATING how they feel about this one...LOL!
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Fala says:Posted: 02 Sep 07
I don't understand why there aren't more comments about this article. It's a good one.
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LoveMyJeans says:Posted: 30 Aug 07
I liked the article. Communication in vital in all relationships (work, family, spouse, etc) but it is especially important in dating. Each person needs to be able to and feel comfortable with expressing his/her needs. How frustrating to care about someone, but not be able to talk with them or visa versa. Creagor has some truly valid points, that do take self-discipline. You have to take your emotions out of it, and listen to the other person. I really enjoyed it.
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silvertop says:Posted: 28 Aug 07
The article has some valid information to take under consideration. When listening to the interview,points made are clear and simple. The article provide tools helpfull in various relationships. The relationship at work with co-workers to a potential mate met on the Internet. I enjoyed the ease and flow of the interview.
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Fala says:Posted: 27 Aug 07
Great common sense advice in this article. Thanks!
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Excellent points!