Love is a Battlefield: Part One

Love is a Battlefield: My War Story, One Cliché at a Time

Part One: Retreat and Recovery

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It's driving me out of my mind

That's why it's hard for me to find

Can't get it outta my head

Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead

That girl is poison.

Bel Biv DeVoe captured the essence of my state of mind as I replay (in slow motion, of course) the moment I received the kiss-off…

Insert cliché here: “I just don’t want to be in a relationship right now… I still want to be friends though…”

It’s okay, Michael Bivins… let it go, have a good cry. Just say “good game” and move on. Woman responsible, if you are reading this… I hope you’re happy with yourself.

This describes my state of mind right after being broken up with. For those of you who have been there, I cannot give medals, but you deserve gold stars for your bravery. For those of you who have not experienced this, chances are you will at some point be invited to join the “Devastated, and Now What?” spam mailing list.

“Now what?” is the question, all right... But first, I gave myself time to grieve and was reminded that alcohol is a depressant, often making for embarrassing 2 a.m. “Why don’t you love me?” calls. I managed to avoid driving alone at night for no particular reason, tuned into a radio station that plays only sad love songs. It was time to buck up.

Insert cliché here: “Get back on the horse!”

10 years ago, modems were dial-up, cameras used film, and online dating was reserved for the desperate and the awkward. Today we’ve traded up to wireless devices, megapixels and nationally televised commercials for dating websites with taglines and theme songs that get stuck in your head. As I got started, there was a sense of safety in knowing that I need only put myself out there as much as I could handle. For me, it started with a few sites that friends had told me about. Some of the huge sites were just that, huge. It was a bit overwhelming, so I started thinking more about the type of girl I wanted to date. Since high school I had always dated and been attracted to women outside my race (I’m a white guy from Northern California). This huge site had some of the girls I wanted to date, but sadly, I did not meet their racial preferences.

After another search I landed here, a site geared towards interracial dating and relationships. Kid in candy store = me. I was immediately excited and started creating a profile. A few days went by and I got more comfortable with the way a dating site works. I learned the best way to search for the type of women I was interested in dating. I took time to fill out the essays completely, upload some good pictures, and…

Insert cliché here: “May I throw my hat into the ring?”

I bought the subscription and crossed my fingers. There were women in my area that interested me, but one stuck out. We had similar interests, she shared my enthusiasm for travel, and she had a smile that would probably leave me speechless if she used it in person. So I wrote my first email. I had no idea how long it was supposed to be, so I settled on a comfortable length between “Hey there!” and a term paper.

It was at this point that I got a little nervous. Okay, that’s an understatement—my hands started sweating like a kid at his first high school dance. Keep in mind, I was not in a gymnasium, I was alone at my keyboard. But I clicked the send button.

To be continued...

• What Studies tell us about Interracial Marriage
• Everything You Know About Happiness Is Wrong
• Use the Power of Touch to Strengthen Your Relationship
• Compatibility vs. Chemistry - What Makes Love Last?
• Five Easy Ways to Keep the Romance