I'm a Little Lonely. Most Men Are REALLY Lonely.

Posted by Evan, 06 Aug

If I stop and think about it, it makes me sad. So I try not to think about it.

In high school, I had three best guy friends. We loved each other. Said as much when signing each others’ yearbooks. By the time we graduated college, we were barely in touch. The last time we were all together was my father’s funeral when I was 26.

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In college, I had four best guy friends. We loved each other and I thought our friendship was unique and special. It wasn’t. We all went to each others’ weddings in our late 30’s, but after we had kids, it was the end of the show. The last time we were all together was a group 40th birthday party in New Orleans. That was 5 years ago.

I’ve been married for nine years, a father for 6. I work from home in the suburbs. I don’t play poker or golf or drink scotch – I’d rather have a pool party with margaritas and my wife around. There is very little testosterone in my world.

My current friends are fathers in my community – kindergarten dads, temple dads, soccer dads, etc. They’re great guys, but we don’t have the same history. We couldn’t. What 40-year-old guy can spend countless hours talking these days? We have full-time jobs, kids to raise, and endless family obligations. I see the local Dads around once a month. I see my longtime LA friends two times a year. I see my college friends only when I’m on a business trip in their city.

If you have a guy friend, call him and let him know you’re thinking of him.

I’m busy, all right. But I’m a little lonely. And I’m one of the lucky ones. Happily married. Two kids. No commute. Highly active social life with an extroverted wife who knows everyone in town. Shed no tears for me. I’m only using my plight as a way into this viral piece by Billy Baker of the Boston Globe, which painfully identifies how middle-aged men don’t have the same sense of community or support as their female peers.

The results are visible everywhere. Go on dates. Ask your guy friends. Most of them will tell you. There are no fraternities or posses or bro-groups for men of a certain age. There are no men’s networking organizations, no conferences just for men, no Love U for guys.

There is mostly work.

If you’re lucky, you have a wife. If you’re luckier, you have a wife who encourages you to make guy time, like I do. If you’re extremely rare, you have one close friend or a small group of friends you connect with periodically and travel to see every year.

Want to know why guys bear their souls on the first date and want to marry you on the second date? Look no further than the loneliness epidemic, which has quietly swept across America, and is slowly destroying our male population. Disconnected men have no social contact, no warmth, no support, no touch, no one to celebrate successes, no shoulder to lean on during tough times. It’s terribly sad and relatively unreported.

You’ll probably be the first to do so this year.

Are you a guy who has experienced this slow fracturing of social bonds? Are you a woman who has seen this up close? Your thoughts, below, are appreciated.

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach who specializes in helping smart, strong, successful women understand and connect with men since 2003. Thousands of his clients have fallen in love, gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of coaching. His latest dating book, “Why You’re Still Single – Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad”, was a critical success. He also operates a popular blog, EvanMarcKatz.com, which serves as a one-stop shop for anyone trying to understand relationship dynamics. Combining the insight of Dr. Drew and the wit of Adam Carolla, Katz has answered hundreds of challenging and controversial questions with a unique combination of logic, experience, and empathy. Take Evan's dating quiz.

4 responses to "I'm a Little Lonely. Most Men Are REALLY Lonely."

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  1. Posted: 26 Jun 18

    Cmon bro cry me a river; quit playing victim and go socialize. Theres tons of people everywhere in the same place. Don't be a scared soy boy and talk to EVERYONE you meet, when you meet them again guess what? Youre friends! Go to the gym, join a cigar club, go to conferences, join a meetup, or start your own! You sound like you walk around sullen with a frown all day bc marriage has sapped your life force; tying the knot was your first mistake... Marriage is a vampire... Of course if you live in a rude anti-social sewer then youre probably sol, so MOVE!

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  2. Posted: 12 May 18

    Its pretty true. And if a guy ever does have a group of friends outside of the wife's circle of influence, its usually frowned upon.

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  3.   Malcomb says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 17

    This is SO true! I have lost all contact with my male friends over the years! Women I know can't relate to how lonely middle aged men really are, especially if the men are single!

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