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Why should a black man be crucified for liking his women lighter?

Posted by James, 03 Feb

Light skinned womenLight skin is better! Long-silky hair is better! This is what people believe men are drawn to.

Some black men have had to endure criticism for their choice in women. On interracial dating sites, I have come across dark skinned women who seem to believe men, no matter their race, will always contact the lighter skinned races of women. And if their preference is the black woman, they will go for those who have a lighter shade.

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Well, much as generally, this may seem to be the case, I think every man wants what he wants. And dark skinned women also fall into the preferences of some men. See, much as the light-skinned-long-haired preference for women seems vain because its what the mainstream media has drilled in our minds, why should a black man or any man for that matter be crucified for genuinely having a strong attraction to women who possess these characteristics?

See, we cant go rebuking every black man with a white woman like he has committed some felony for his preference in women. We cant keep assuming every man with a light skinned woman is with her because he has somehow been influenced by the mainstream media into believing lighter is better. This is just a woman that the man is attracted to; its who he may have fallen in love with because of her great qualities; its who he is (or might end up being) married to. So, unless for some reason you were into that guy, what he likes next to him in bed shouldn’t bother anyone or make people question the motives behind that particular preference.

People like who they like. People are attracted to what they are attracted to. People prefer what they prefer. And there is a reason why you prefer Heineken to Budweiser. And our dating preferences shouldn’t be mistaken for discrimination of some form or wanting to have a trophy chic by our side. More often than not, it is what it is – preference – no racist or any other deeper explanation for it.

So if my dating whoever I am dating doesn’t affect anyone directly, why should anyone be bothered by what color or skin shade the person in my bed is?

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39 responses to "Why should a black man be crucified for liking his women lighter?"

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  1.   Amerikanisch says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 12

    I think this article is ridiculous!

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  2.   Amerikanisch says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 12

    I think article is ridiculous!

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  3.   SugaIcedT says:
    Posted: 27 May 12

    I'm a caramel color, however, in the summer after swimming in a pool full of chlorine, I can get super chocolate...lol. After reading the topic and the replies, I see why people are upset from both sides. I understand the "big picture" of the dark-skinned woman, especially in America, topic. In the media, in our schools, in our lives, there is an obvious issue with the dark-skinned woman being equivalent to lighter skins. Yes, we should love ourselves regardless, but that doesn't make the issue microscopic...let's keep it real. With these issues going on, it can make relationships with the black man difficult to deal with when observing them with lighter-skinned women and other races. But it's a battle that has to be conquered. We must continue to love ourselves and get with the right man for the right reasons. The black man can choose to be with whomever he desires just the same as we have the right to choose. Guess what, if it wasn't our skin color, it would be something else. So keep your head up and live/love your life. Everyone is entitled to be happy...go get yours.

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    • Lunaedea77 says:
      Posted: 23 Jun 12

      I absolutely love this comment, and agree with you 100%- you are so correct in saying that "if it wasn't our skin color, it would be something else". The fact is, we live in a patriarchal society, and women's bodies (and consequently, our sexualities) are ALWAYS up for discussion among men, no matter the "attribute du jour", I guess you could say. The only thing we can do is to go get ours...thanks again for your insight!

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  4.   Cassie92 says:
    Posted: 03 Apr 12

    I don't think so. I like my men a bit tanner than myself, so it's personal preference. Now if the douchebag treats a darker skinned lady badly or won't give her a chance simply due to the fact that she is dark-skinned , then he deserves to have his ass kicked to the moon. (Which by the way, I think darker skinned black woman are so fantastically beautiful! I often envy such beauty... <3 )

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  5.   LilLibra says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 12

    I agree with black pearl, you've had some great responses. Now, I also have my preferences...I choose men of color because I am a woman of color and we relate and have some of the same same struggles and triumphs. I'm from So Cali and maybe it's because of the diversity there that interracial relationships are common it's nothing that makes heads turn. I have dated, White, Asian, Latino, and Black men. I have learned that I mesh well with black & latino men so that is my preference not to mention they are beautiful to me. It has nothing to do with the shade of brown/black that they are. I love myself and if you don"t love me/like me that's ok, I am not your preference that's the beauty of choice.

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  6.   sabatinaa says:
    Posted: 09 Mar 12

    I am a light skinned woman living in North europe. But damn! every summer i am trying to sunbath as dark as possible. Here where winter lasts for half than year we all want to be darker. The result is that i am dependent on solariums. So, you (blacks) should be proud of your chocholate coloured skin :)

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    • Ausar719 says:
      Posted: 12 Mar 12

      It does not matter what society says. It does not matter if some black, latin, asian or white men don't believe that you are attractive. What matters is what you feel about you. What is different now, is that NOW black women know we are desired by oothers as well. Thiis knowledge has expanded dating options for us. Look at it this way, there is so much more to explore.howwever every man wants a secure, confident, educated, sexy woman. Whether he is black, white, red, yellow etc. Looks are only a part of the equation, as you are aware there are many beautiful women on this site. Better have something else going on for you to find the man worthy. Of your heart

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  7.   trace22 says:
    Posted: 06 Mar 12

    Everyone should just love themselves. There is no problem with black men liking lighter black women. Its what they want maybe its because society has made lighter black women more social appealing maybe not. I myself am a dark skinned women and I have gotten compliments from all races. But really all that does matter I love how I look. I'm happy with what God gave me.

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  8.   PoisonWaters says:
    Posted: 05 Mar 12

    Well, here I am, light skinned foreign woman adding my two cents into discussion. I think there is really nothing to talk about, since this article or whatever you wanna call it makes zero sense whatsoever. James clearly wasn't blessed with the gift of writing and expressing his thoughts clearly, and I think that's what is causing this discussion to go in totally wrong direction. Yes, there are a lot of brothers who will take the most ridiculously looking white girl over gorgeous black woman, just because the skin color somehow is the most important factor to them. But guess what? There are as many black men who won't date white women for exactly the same fucking reason. BOOM! Just a few days ago I got a message from some random thug that read "Damn baby, you're fine as hell. Too bad I don't do show flake bunnies" How about 'em apples? So stop getting all butt hurt and taking this shit personal. Some black men like white women. Some black men like black women. End of the story. Now, next person that decided to write some ridiculous comment, keep in mind that James doesn't speak for entire black men population of the planet. Dude is just expressing his own opinion. Poorly, but oh well. No reason to attack every single men who commented on this post. Instead attack James if you must. Peace!

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  9.   junnieman59 says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 12

    true love has no skin tones race or any thing else dogs cast all of gods creatures love thats what wrong with todays people we get caught up in putting every body in some kind of stupid box its my life and i will love of date whom i damn well please and i dont care whom likes it if a woman treats me right and respects me i dont care if she was green and from another world get off your high horse people its not all a bout you and the bubble world you live in

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  10.   caliguy85 says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 12

    I think its really just a preference. I know a lot of women of all races who say even if they met a man who satisfied all their emotional needs if he doesn't meet there "physical needs" it won't work!! If a woman met a guy who was dependable, responsible, mature, honest, hard working, sincere but maybe lacked something in the physical department all his good qualities mean absolutely nothing. If women can be picky when it comes too height, money or job a man has, "swagger' then why can't men be picky when it comes to a physical feature as well? To me it sounds like some black men just prefer lighter skinned women as a physical thing not as something deeper than that but that's just my 2 cents.

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  11.   Aleeee says:
    Posted: 17 Feb 12

    I don't think most black men go after lighter skin. I have a lot of lighter skin friends and the guys approach me first. That is a myth.

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  12.   Robby2u says:
    Posted: 12 Feb 12

    Yes Reese, I agree with you that it does exist and believe me it will not go away until the end of time, but remember this those are shallow thinkers that see life that way and they are still in the box. On the other hand, the rest of us are just a few among many, but if Dr. ML King can powerfully promote a dream no one thought will come true, SO CAN WE! Love is Love no matter how you slice it. No one can stop that kind of power!

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  13.   Robby2u says:
    Posted: 12 Feb 12

    Very well said, Nika 23 the way you added you fathers background in all this. We must understand that this country is too diverse for hating on mixed relationships.

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  14.   Ricco says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 12

    I am a black male who have been married to a dark skinned black female. That have kids by that same very female. Long winced been divorced and have gotten older. I have a mixture on my fathers side of the family. I am attracted to females period. I am dark skinned. From my experience, most dark skinned leaned more towards a lighter complexion. Beit a light skinned black, Latina, or white. Back in the 80's dark skinned women wanted light skinned( red bone ) men. Run right past us. Spike Lee made School Days. Light skinned against dark skinned. This has always been a problem. If you make it one of course. I traveled around and been around whites, and Latinos. Seems like blacks speak mostly on this subject- and mainly it's the women. I personally prefer someone lighter than me. But when it comes to Love. IT DOESN'T MATTER. LOVE doesn't have a color. Find someone who loves u for who you are. And if you truly love that person, you wouldn't worry. That's a blessing blind people have. They don't worry about anything as simple as this cause they can't see your color anyway.

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  15.   Robby2u says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 12

    Ok Lunaedea77 I understand that mainstream media played its roll in all this madness, but if you look around we as a people has played right into what they say we are. There are just as many white males or more running to black women and you dont see the media exploiting that nor do you see white female adding drama to anything at all. Futhermore, white men are open about the fact that they love a darker skinned female, white or black. Nothing is said. on the other black men are being criticized about the type of woman the select. So I think people in general needs to stop hiding behind wall of life and what ever it is about a person you like just be real about it to that person that matters and not to your soon to be hater.

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    • nika23 says:
      Posted: 12 Feb 12

      You mentioned that white men talk about being attracted to black women (and dark skinned white women although I'm not quite sure what qualifies as such but i guess you mean tanning) and aren't criticized, but they don't put down white women for having pale skin. There aren't songs, movies etc. talking about how ugly pale skin is. Most black women don't care who black men date, but have a problem when black women are put down for being who God made them. The part that some black men are missing is that exactly. If you aren't interested in black or dark skinned women, why the need the publically declare how ugly dark skin is, especially when the guys doing this are usually dark skinned themselves? What are they really say about their own self worth?

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    • reese says:
      Posted: 12 Feb 12

      You statement isn't true. White men are part of the largest ir relationship but it is with Asian women and not black. The majority of women who they think are beautiful are blondes. The majority of black and white relationships are black men by almost 75% according to US census. But the dark skinned white women I assume you are talking about Kim K. She is much more popular with black men than white men.

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  16.   Reese says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 12

    I disagree with James on this one. It is one thing to have a preference. But we hear bm say that they couldn't have kids with me because our kids would be dark. Or they say that pretty for a dark girl. You can look at the visions of beauty that have been drained into what is pretty and considered feminine. And with alot of bm it is the closer you are to white the more attractive you are. Look at the black women who are considered beautiful and how many of them are birarcial or really light like Beyounce or Rhianna. I don't care who likes who they like, but lets not pretend it doesn't exist.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 13 Feb 12

      @ Reese - Anytime you get people talking about they don’t want to have children with a mate darker than themselves because their children will be “too dark” that’s a sign of self-hatred issues and more than likely this person believes that there’s something superior about lighter or white skin. People with this kind of twisted thinking are not fit to date or marry anybody because they’re not mentally healthy. We know where this foolishness came from and how some of us have adopted this way of thinking but it’s up to us as individuals to rid ourselves of it and you can only do that by honestly giving yourself a checkup from the neck up and looking within yourself and truthfully dealing with whatever you may find. You can’t change society or the media because they’ll continue to do whatever they feel is necessary to project the imagery that reinforces the belief in their ideals of beauty and sex appeal even if it’s at the expense of your self-image and self-esteem. I know I’ll piss some folks off for this but oh well, I’ve gotten used to it. These clowns that run the media know that this unbalanced imagery is destructive to non white people because they raise all kinds of hell when it’s done to them. Remember when Beyoncee was put on the cover of Sports Illustrated? You should have seen the letters that folks wrote to the magazine expressing their anger, folks were talking about cancelling their subscriptions and how they felt the magazine was wrong to put her on the cover when majority of the subscribers are white. Question, why do you think they got upset about her being on the front cover? I can’t remember the last time a BW was on the cover, so it’s rarely if ever but these folks got mad as if it happens repeatedly and I ask why? Imagery and imagery alone! They understand how it impacts its viewers. One lady said her daughters admire the women on the covers and they want to look like them and she felt the magazine was wrong to feature someone that they couldn’t identify with. Say what????? As if it’s ok for this to happen to our ybf that have to see WW everywhere they look! Long story short they got a taste of their own medicine. They saw firsthand what it’s like to have images sex appeal and beauty put before them that don’t represent them and they took offense to it like, “how dare you!” They know the potential negative effects of this imagery on non-white people because they raised all kinds of hell when it was done to them. They had this happen to them with this one magazine cover but we have this done to us from the cradle to the grave, 24/7/365 from the time we turn on the news in the morning until we put down a magazine, before going to bed at night. This exposes the double standards that some of them have but yet we’re suppose to believe in this multicultural madness they run on folks, yeah some of them are color blind alright, "blind to what doesn’t affect those with their skin color", yeah I said it.

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      • reese says:
        Posted: 20 Feb 12

        Oh don't get me wrong I am not upset or think I am missing anything with these type of men. I really don't want them teaching that mentality to my kids. My only point is stop equating it to liking one beer over another. It is obviously something deeper than that.

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      • Masterplan89 says:
        Posted: 30 May 12

        @NOPLAYER, Wow brother I just had to chime in here. You hit the nail right smack dab on the head execept for one thing. You forgot to call the lady with the daughters what she really is: A Racist! I agree with everything you said and it's rare I find a brother that makes me say, "I couldn't have said it better myself" but You told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The double standards in this country are incomprehensible and what you described is what this topic is really all about. The truth is BW and BM have been lobotomized by everything white is right and everything black is evil, or in this case ugly, for centuries and only those without true knowledge of self even entertain the idea of self hatred. If you can't love yourself, your skin tone, your own hair, your big butts, then how can you expect anyone else to even begin to. Another truth is that you can't extract the color black from white so can we at least be proud of the fact that the black woman is the mother of all mankind, and for this reason more than all others, is the most beautiful creature on earth.

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  17.   justmike14 says:
    Posted: 09 Feb 12

    Though my opinion may not count, for what it's worth!! I find "Physical" beauty in ladies with skin tone like Hallie Berry all the way to the beautiful Grace Jones. And then their is the beauty of the BW's personality, which for myself I find much more compatible because of ( which seems to me anyway) her being more outspoken and upfront then WW

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  18.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 12

    @ James - We’ve all heard the saying “still water runs deep”, unfortunately amongst many AA men and women that “still water” is skin complexion. You’d have to have an understanding of the politics of skin color amongst AA particularly as it relates to BW in order to fully understand the sensitivity that some may have in regards to the preference of some BM for light-skinned women exclusively and the key word is EXCLUSIVELY. I wish it were as simple as Budweiser over Heineken but it’s deeper than that. If I were to say to you “man I just want me a good BW that will love & respect me, be devoted and faithful to me”, then I should be willing to date the woman that shows she’s willing to be that kind of woman to me regardless of her skin complexion because those characteristics can’t be determined by skin complexion alone. If I’m constantly pursing light skinned BW “exclusively” then it has to be something deeper than just preference alone because if it wasn’t, why would I over look attractive BW with darker skin complexions? I’d have to be compelled by something to continuously go after light skinned BW. It’s not promised that I’d hit it off with every light skinned woman I’d pursue, I’d face rejection, the relationship could fail, she could cheat on me or something else negative that could cause the relationship to end and with all that, I’d still continue to go after light skinned women exclusively???? I’m sorry but this would be more than just a preference. Some belief, some idea or inclination about light skinned women would be driving me to keep going after them, if not why wouldn’t it dawn on me to broaden my scope???? Someone looking in from the outside would be right to think I’m color struck, I’m not attracted to dark skinned women or I feel light skinned women must have something that dark skinned women don’t. For some it's deeper than preference but some just wont admit to it!

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  19.   arlandf says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 12

    No one should be punished for their preference. It is their choice, let them live. There are women who would prefer light skinned men so their children can have "good hair". I am not whining about that.

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  20.   nika23 says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 12

    I look for men based on certain characteristics and qualities, not skin color, and if that is all that is important to a man then he is not the man for me. It seems a bit superficial that one outside quality is considered more important than a person's character, but a black man wanting a light skin or white woman doesn't bother me. What bothers me, which is why a lot of black women get upset, is when the men put down dark skinned women. Every single one of the black men that have told me I was not attractive because I'm not light skinned has been darker than me. If you want a light skinned woman, fine go after her, but why the need to walk up to random women who are not light skinned and tell them how ugly they are because they are not light skinned. The negative treatment of women who are darker, in my experience is not necessary. I've dated black men who are lighter and darker than me, as well as Hispanic men of various race mixtures, Asians and whites. I have no problem with black men dating women of other races because if it wasn't for my maternal grandfather doing so, my mother and thus my siblings and I would not exist. Love who you love for whatever reasons, but STOP insulting and putting down the women who don't fit into your idea of beauty.

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  21.   Lunaedea77 says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 12

    This article is, for lack of a better word, simple. It is idiotic, and in need of a reality check. The author writes as if it's not EXTREMELY common for many black men to say "I don't like dark skin"...full stop. Across the board. They don't like dark skin...not, "oh, this lighter-skinned woman just happens to have just the personality I'm attracted to", it's "I like her BECAUSE she has light skin and not dark skin". Please, just get real and be honest. Yes, you ought to admit that mainstream media has done a very good job at making dark black women at the very bottom of the pecking order. We are not idiots, so do not patronize us and tell us, essentially, to calm down because nothing more than a simple preference is at work. This is systemic, systematic, and very hurtful. When people say "Oh, he's cute...for a black guy", or "she's pretty...for a dark-skinned black girl" or something else equally ridiculous. Are you *really* trying to tell me that that is a simple matter of "preference", and not prejudice so deeply rooted that it comes across as something harmless? Just wake up...I'm so tired of people denying so much. I am all for interracial dating and what have you- I just NEED people to be honest...JUST BE HONEST about why you think the way you do about certain groups of people. Then you won't get caught up of this bullsh*t of attempting to not appear prejudiced when you really are.

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    • qt_pie33 says:
      Posted: 07 Feb 12

      I can't agree with you more beautifully spoken . As a darkskin woman I guess we can relate to this more. This is part of the reason I started to date outside my race. Please don't get me wrong I have nothing against black men. However, most of them don't find darkskin women attractive. I have always been complimented by different races of men who appreciate the beauty of my skin tone !

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    • Anassah says:
      Posted: 07 Feb 12

      @ Lunaedea Your being so honest and I love it. I notice that darker skinned men seem to be very insecure with who they are and they seem to feel validated when they have a lighter skinned women on there arms, rather it be a lighter skinned black women, spanish women or a white women. Ah man and dont let them luck on an asian women they really act like they hit the jackpot.LOL! It makes me laugh every time. Funny thing is when they get there heart broke they want to point the blame at all women. but you have to look at your choice of women.Or for you color struck brother i have to say the complexion of the women you chose.. It extremely sad that to see a man of dark skin reject the women of the same complexion from which he was born. Sad! But it is there choice. what tends to make me laugh is when a black man walk up to me and tell me i need to stay with my own kind... it send me into extreme laughter... esp when you see that hipocrite with the caucasian women the next day..... hahaha! However on a better note find love where you can. I was basically make an observation on the truth....

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    • mltnb says:
      Posted: 22 Feb 12

      Lunaedea77, you need to calm dwn because it ain't always a conspiracy some dudes dnt want a dark skinned woman point blank....stop hating!

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    • DwayneJohn says:
      Posted: 04 Jul 12

      I have a honest question to ask.. Is saying that I'm not really attracted to darker skinned women discriminating? I don't know if it is or not because I would want to discriminate on my taste in women. I'm not saying that I wouldn't date a darker skinned women its just I've never met a darker skinned woman that I'm attracted to but the option is still out there

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  22.   Robby2u says:
    Posted: 05 Feb 12

    Although that might be true, Im a black man and I love myself some black women and the skin color is not a factor. However, women are at fault too! And what I mean by that is, there are things women can do to turn men off. The last lady I was with for over 15 years was not light skinned but she did the things that I respected, in order to take good care of her body as well as her skin. I looked at it as if she was doing it for me as well as herself. As a man all I want is a woman that realize that beauty is not always what you look like but also how you well represent your whole being. Now that is attractive!

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  23.   Ausar719 says:
    Posted: 04 Feb 12

    The article above is very true. I am what is considered "dark skinned". I love my skin tone, especially when the summer sun kisses it. I love the shape of my face and my features. In other words, people. Find me attractive because. I love me. Self love! No one will or should love you more than you love yourself. Men, of all races have told me that I am pretty, beautiful, sexy etc.....embrace who you are, enhance with taking care of the outside and inside ..

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