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When Silence is Important in Marriage

Posted by Kio, 24 Oct 16

Are you in the habit of venting out to your family and friends whenever you have marital problems? Well, truth be told: Much as they say ‘a problem shared is a problem solved’, running to your BFFs or anyone who cares to listen isn’t going to solve your problems.

The thing is: Relationships can be quite tricky. And even though having a friend to confide in can be helpful, the more you talk about your marital problems, the more your marriage tends to suffer.

People get angry. And in that moment of anger, you may find yourself badmouthing your spouse or even exaggerating the whole situation just to make your venting valid. This is the same person you share a bed with. This is the person you have been intimate with. This is could be the father or mother to your kids. How is talking ill about this person you plan on making up with solve anything.

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Airing your dirty laundry for everyone to see will eventually get back to your spouse. Before you know it, your friends or family will be treating him with less respect. Because of the badmouthing, they start feeling that you deserve better. And one day, one of them will run their mouths off or reprimand him or her for not doing right by you. And it will all come back to you.

One thing I have noticed is, we tend to pick up the phone and call our friends and family whenever things are unpleasant. But do we do it once we have made up with our spouses? Most of us don’t. So let’s resist the urge to ‘cry wolf’ all the time.

The more you do it, and the more you keep making up with your spouse, the more these friends of yours will think less of you. They will disrespect your marriage and your spouse. And eventually, they will start disrespecting you. Before you know it, no one will be listening. Why? They are used to your whining for nothing.

So stop trashing your spouse. It has never solved anything.

1 responses to "When Silence is Important in Marriage"

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Sugahrush says:

Posted: 04 Dec 16

A M E N !!! This is among the most pragmatic, sound, relevant relationship advice I've read here in a very long time. It's also among the most difficult to accept and follow. In agonizing moments we actually NEED to share our burdens with someone who is objective and trustworthy. In addition to those traits, however, these confidants should also have a deep respect for Your Relationship and Your Partner. They should be able to distinguish intense pain and anger from a desire for vengeful retaliation. You are blessed if you can find an objective soul among family and friends. Consider professional or pastoral counseling to walk you through the darkest moments of your healing and discovery. Because they can hold you up only after you've picked yourself up, only engage family or friends only after you have a better understanding of your pain, your fear, your anger....yourself.

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