What kind of Black man is the Black woman really angry at?
A group of Black women are having a conversation about Black men dating White women. A Black man tries to contribute only to be told to hush it! "We know you are the type of Black man that dates White women". Apparently, this statement wasn’t blurted out in anger... 8-O It was just a by-the-way kind of thing and on they went with their discussion.
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What did all this mean? Here is a group of Black women talking about Black men dating White but not at all bothered by or angry at this Black guy who is "the type" to date White chicks?
Does this mean Black women (against Black men dating White men) have no beef with the Black men who are "the type" to date White women; that their beef is with those Black men who date out just because…?
(It's your turn now)
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19 responses to "What kind of Black man is the Black woman really angry at?"
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Msty1 says:Posted: 29 Jun 11Oh and P.S. - you may want to step off your soap box and re-read my original post. My issues were with your generalizations of women period, not of women of a certain race. This race thing is YOUR issue clearly. Check your sources, check yourself and CALM DOWN MAN!!!! It is not that serious!
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Msty1 says:Posted: 29 Jun 11
Mr. Harris, I am not going to argue with you over your opinion regardless of how I feel about it. Secondly, a few things are clear to me, 1. You like to hear yourself talk, 2. You are not a gentleman, and 3. You are a tad bit full of yourself. As I mentioned before, it is your opinion! Enjoy it. I am free to have mine.....and choose to keep my opinion of your rant to myself as I was taught not to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man. It's just not right. :)
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oromariposa06 says:Posted: 20 Jun 11
To Me this so silly. People are not possessions. They have a right to date anyone they choose.The choice should be based not on skin color but how the other person makes them feel.It is usually because the person shares the same interests they do. Race is not a factor.
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SugahRush says:Posted: 19 Jun 11'Dear Lord, MY Lord: I thank you for little things like Cliff Notes; Reader's Digest CONDENSED versions, index card notations, abbreviations, pocket editions, bullet points and even for the New Testament of your own word. (which is usually 66 books long NOT counting the Apocrypha). I pray that we all learn to appreciate the beautiful power of well pondered & edited B R E V I T Y so that we ALL may glean the knowledge & wisdom of peoples' experiences. Blessed,the Sugah.
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m.elliot.harris says:Posted: 19 Jun 11msty1, you cannot take a single part of a whole response out of context. First my response used all typesof races. People of African, Hispanic, European, and Asian to prove a point that men do not date women because they are a certain race. Men date a woman because he thinks she is hot regardlessof her racial or ethnic background. What you have done is simply pull out an example which was not centered around race, but more so to show a point at which men tend to differ from women in how they approach dating. “Unlike women a Black man who might prefer to date a Black women is not going to date some hideous looking Black woman that he finds to be physicaly repugnant simply because she is Black if he has an option to date a woman of another race he finds to be more physically attractive to him. That type of foolish illogical race based dating quota thinking is a creature of creation by many narrow minded women who would rather date a gargoyle based solely on his race than a handsome man based on their attraction to him.” In analyzing my quote you responded to I see nothing in it that is illogical. Quite simply put a man will not choose to date a ugly woman because she is a certain race when he has an ption to date a woman he find to be attractive of another race. I am not sure what you find so offensive ugly, hideous, gargoyle all mean the same thing the man finds her not be be attractive to him. I find it streange that you chose to focus on the Black exmaple when I purposely included several other examples of other races when faced with simililar situations the men doing the same. Why the focus solely on the Black exmaple and saying that the Balc example offended you the most? Why is it offensive to say that a Black man who might prefer to date Black women will not date a Black woman he find unattractive if he has an option to date a woman of another race he finds attractive. That was an example. I could replance Black with White, Asian, Hispanic, Indian, or any other race the equation is still the same men do not use a race based quota to date. Men simply date women they think ar ehot no matter what race they are. I am not sure where you read anywhere in my response that "ALL" as you quote was applied to any portion of my statement. Furthermore I cannot figure out what in the world you read in my statement that said all women date ghetto fabolous men. I did however plac ein context some reasons as to why black men and women might find it difficult to date within their race. SOme reasons does not mean every reason. As i planned for you to respond with this insane notion of Black women bashing I purposely went out of my way to first address the problems of Black men in the Black male community. I see somehow you completely skipped over that and closely focused on any comment regarding Black women and not viewing the totality of the response in context as it was designed to address not the issue of race but the difference in men and women in racial preference dating. You took what was essentially not a race focused response and have made a clear attempt to change it into an attack on Black women. Perhaps it is you who need a course on racism if you only view every comment on here through the context of some race instead of looking beyond race to see the full expression of the authors ideas. The race of the people was not important in this response "LOOK, LOOKS, LOOKS, LOOKS, LOOKS", is all that matters to men not race. Secondly, I anot sure why you would suggest that I am judgemental of a persons past simply by stating that some factors on both sides of the gender spectrum might make a person undesireable. I again stated some examples of possible things that might make someone undesireable as a dating candidate. To suggest that people do not have certain background preferences is illogical and ridiculous. Yet you say that doing so in judgmental. Under the pretense of you logic carried out to the full extent you as a single mother would think doing a background check on a man with you might be dating with a histroy of abuse towards children is being judgmental. As you so elequently suggested everyone has a past so to judge that mans past would be wrong although he would be around your child. Please WAKE UP! Be Judgmental when it comes to dating because men sure will be as it is in their best interest to protect themselves and their family. I even gave you a prime example of the men shipping out for war overseas going overseas who only were able to date 2's in America returning with local women who were 10's to portray the man preference to date a woman that is hot over a race quota. Now turning to the idea of a race quota I did not just suggest that only women have a race quota. I made it a point to finish up my statement by stating that men have also fallen victim to having a race quota on dating. However, this race quota is seen more often in women than in men is what I stated and still stand by to this day. Although a man might say he prefers to date a certain race, if all the women of his racial preference are not attractive to him and a man has an opportunit y to date a woman of another race who is attractive theman will do just that. Women on the other hand tend to lock into a race dating preference quota. WOmen tend to state their dating preference and solely stay within the preference despite what A WOMAN would consider might be a better option. For example * DISCLAIMER* This is just an example not a real life situation nor is the point of this example to point out a particular race or promote a racial stereotype. If the name BLACK WOMEN should appear anywhere in this example please do not jump to race conclusions this exampleis not meant to focus on race but to focus on gender differences. AGAIN in this particular example the race of the parties is not important only focus on gender. Whew! Ok I think that convers that for those solely focused on race. Example: A Black man might have a preference to date Asian women. If the Black man has a choice between dating an Asian woman he find highly unattractive or dating a Black women who he find very attractive, the Black man will choose the Black woman he find very attractive as opposed to the Asian women that he finds to be hideous or ugly. A Black man is not going to turn down a hot Black women who i willing to date him to date gargoyle looking Asian woman hye is not attracted to. *Disclaimer the aforementioned example had the words Black women in it. As I have seen so many times on this sites blogs simple examples not focused on a particular race will often be carved out of context by a certain group of women on this site to make racial accussation. For example sayiny, I have a dog. She is a Black pit bull only seems to be taken out of context by this certan ethnic group ladies and changed around to now say, "Black Women look like pit bull dogs". This is not wahat was stated but because anything containing the words Black Women is seen as racist to them they will take it as such. SO in order to stay one step ahead I have issued a disclaimer stating the intent of my words and not allowing them to rewrite my words faroff from anything i origionally said as was done previously. I am sure sadly enough because I put the words HOT BLACK WOMan they will some how glean some racially offensive meaning out of that as their sole focus is only race. To continue women, NOT JUST BLACK WOMEN, but women as all women are not BLACK WOMEN, tend to stick to their race quota preferences unlike men. WHen a woman has made her mind up to only date within a certain race she is willing to accept the good, bad, and ugly alike. She is less likely from being deterred from exploring better options in other races if necessary. For example, unlike man a woman who prefers to only date BLACK GUYS will stand by her preference rain, sleet, or snow. Even to the extreme that she might not have found an attractive BLACK GUY to date , but has the opportunity to date many non-BLACK GUYS. A woman is more likely to dates the best of the worst possible looking choices of BLACK MEN rather than date a non-Black man. In essense women with a racial dating preference are more likely to stick to a race based dating quota and would be more apt to date a man based on their racial dating preference whom they are not attracted. Whereas a man would be mor elikely to date a woman he is attracted to despite his preference to date within a certain race. Men are not more apt to pick the best or the wors tpossible choices of unattractive looking women, but when locked in a race based dating quota will pick the best of the worst possible looking men based on a race prerence. This is not to say all women, but simply to say a much greater amount of women follow in this practice than do men regardless of ethnic or racial groups women as a gender are simply more prone to do so. Some men will also do so but as I said before this occurence happens more frequently with women. A mans reasoning lies in the fact that he seeks a woman he finds to be physically attractive to him. In the event that he cannot obtain a woman he finds physically attractive the man will then after exausting all possibilities in all races downgrade his expectations to try and obtain a woman at a level where he is at least competitive. Sure he would love to be dating a 10, but if he is only able to get dates with 3's he accepts this are keeps pursuing 10's. This is a dofferent dating mentality all together from women. A 10 is a 10 to a man and race has no consequence to it. Whereas with a woman who is caught up in a race based quota preference when given the opportunity she would rather date what she views as a 2 in her preferrred race as opposed to dating what she views to be a 10 in a non-prefered race. NOW LISTEN LADIES BECAUSE THIS IS MPORTANT; AT THE MOMENT THAT ONE WITH A RACIAL PREFERENCE DECIDES THAT THEY WOULD RATHER DATE SOMEONE THEY ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY IN THEIR RACIAL PREFERENCE GROUP AS OPPOSED TO SOMEONE NOT WITHIN THEIR RACIAL PREFERENCE GROUP WHOM THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY, AND THE SOLE REASON FOR MAKING THIS CHOICE IS RACE, THEN RACIAL PREFERENCE IN DATING HAS NOW BECOME RACISM. WOmen at large tend to exibit tendacies of racism in their racial preference dating as opposed to men. DISCLAIMER* I said BLACK MEN in my comment. It was to be used as an example and not a focus on race. AS I am sure somehow a certain group will somehow try to CHANGE MY WORDS OR ADD TO THEM AND SAY I said ALL BLACK MEN are not attractive because they simply do not understand it was an example, I would like to now say that the intent of my comments was not to focus on the race. The race was an example and could easily be switched to say ASIAN< MIDDLE EASTER< WHITE< HISPANIC instead of Black. Furthermore I will not allow a certain group who thinks they own to the copyright to how and when a person can use the terms BLACK women determine from, using it when i want to. @msty1 I do appreciate the company line of the Educated Black woman who pays theirt bills all the time and takes care of their child. But I do not see how it is relevant to this conversation. I am a Black man with good credit, I pay my bills on time, I have no criminal record, and I am well educated. However, all those things do not define nor do I walk around professing them in public as some badge of honor as al lthe things you mentioned, like the things I mentioned are things you are suppose to do as a human being whn you take on certain responsibilities. No more of that kind of irresponsible rhetoric because it sets Black Americans apart as if society should be happy that we do those things which are expected of us simply by duty. No other group walks around pointing out the fact that they pay their rent, car note, or bills ontime or that they actually are educated or show up to work and work hard. If you do not want to be singled out and just treated as a normal human being perhaos it is time or BLACK WOmen to stop doing the same. I will remind you that the women of SOuth Africa received their freedom from colonization and aparteid slavery in Africa not more than 17 years ago. They pay their bills ontime, they pay their car note, light bill, they take care of their children, and they are aslo well educated like yourself. Amazingly though not one of them felt that they needed to mention or point out any of these duties as to them it is part of their responsibility as a human being who incurrs obligatiosn throughout life. If you wanted to be treated equally and the same stop doing and saying everything to set youreself off from everyone else as being some special case. As i have neverlisted my dating expereinces I am not surr how you would rationalize my observation as some poor dating experience. Perhaps sticking to the argument and less about your Dr. Phill skills would be better in your next response. Argue the arguement not use personal attacks in leiu of a lack of an argument. Darlinu: I would be more than happy to hear your opinions on the argument, but you stated none.
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m.elliot.harris says:Posted: 14 Jun 11
Ladies your comments seem to be expressed through the mind of how women think as opposed to men. Historically, unlike women, the overwhelming majority of men do not set racial barriers regarding romantic encounters with women. Men simply pick and date women that they are attracted to whether they be Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Indian, Native American or other. MEn just date what they find attractive and could simply care less about the woman's racial background if they find her attractive. In Essence unlike women men ar enot obsessed by some racial quota of being met as a requirement for dating a woman they might find attractive. Also men are a bit more practical. For example lets say a European American guy who is attracted to Latino women lives in a predominately Latino American city and that this European American man although very much attracted to Latino American women might not have any luck attracting the type of Latino American women he finds physically desireable to him. This leaves him with 2 options 1). Continue to date Latino American women that he does not find attractive just to say he is dating a woman who is Latino America or 2) Venture outside of his Latino American dating preference and seek out a woman of another race he finds attractive. Women differ from men in the regards that women tend to lock themselves into a dating race preference and are willing to date a man they do not find to be physically desireable all solely in the name of racial preference rather than pick a guy outside of their racial preference they might find more attractive. Hence a woman who says I only date Black men would foolishly be willing to date a black man solely because he is black despite the fact that she is not attracted to him rather than date a Asian guy who she is attracted to, but wont date because she has chosen her racial preference to be Black and feels compelled not to adjust her preferences to include men outside of her racial preference whom she might also find attractive. This is why a European American guy headed over to Vietnam in the 60's would return to the United States with a knock out beautiful Asian womam. He might not have been able to date the type of European American women in America he found desirable, but who cares if he was able to find a Asian chick he thinks is attractive or in some cases even more attractive than the type of women he was shooting for in America. This is why African American guys from inner cities (witha preference for African American women) signed up for the military after in the 80's and shipped to the base in Germany would home to America with beautiful European Women. Although these Black soldiers who might neve rhave been out of the inner city might prefer Black women, they were not foolish enough to reject a beautiful woman of another race solely to date a Black woman he wa snot attracted to simply because she was Black. Today African American men, like African American women have great difficulty in picking what they feel are compatiable mates. Black women have a extremely difficult time in finding a Black man. For example many Black men are either being released from prison or are headed on their way to prison by choice of their lifestyles which involve selling drugs and acts of gn violence. Furthermore, many Black men are not suitable candidates for dating due to their overall lack of future goals or ability to progesss to a middle class income due to poor education choices made in their youth. With an overwhelming majority of the future Black middle class male population concentrated on university campuses or in the military career track it can be quite difficult to for Black women not located in areas demographically aligned to these conditions to find a good Black man. Black men also have a extremely difficult path to finding a Black woman. Many Black women like many Black men make poor choices in their past which presently impacts their ability to attract the type of qulity Black men they may seek. A past history of being an EX DRUG DEALER GROUPIE will seemingly turn off many African American men seeking a preference of women more aligned with their morality. A history of stripping, porn, or working in the sex industry will also hinder chancesof finding a man. Fathering children from these drug dealers all int he name of being A RIDE OF DIE CHICK also has hindered the opportunities of Black women to attract the type of Black men they might desire in their new REFORMED lives of moral terpitude. Furthermore, it does go without saying that with the stereotypical idealism of Black masculinity being projected through the thug look of gangster rap, clean cut Obama looking college boys are often rejected, ignored, or ridiculed as being weak by African American where guys that immulate a Little Waye or 50 Cent demeanor or mentality are oftentimes seen as the object of desire amongst many Black women. With issues on both sidesof the fence I think both sides can agree that nobody should be forced to be romanctically involved with a person that they do not find physically or morally compatiable with them either due to a past histroy or present standing. In Leiu of that fact based on the premise of freedom, the Black man in the article might have simply chosen to date a woman he found be morally and physically in line with what he found to be the qualities desireable in a dating partner. It doe snot mean he solely prefers to date white women. As previously aforementioned men do not foolishly date based on race quotas as many women do. Unlike women a Black man who might prefer to date a Black women is not going to date some hideous looking Black woman that he finds to be physicaly repugnant simply because she is Black if he has an option to date a woman of another race he finds to be more physically attractive to him. That type of foolish illogical race based dating quota thinking is a creature of creation by many narrow minded women who would rather date a gargoyle based solely on his race than a handsome man based on their attraction to him. In closing I do acknowledge that their are a few foolish men in society that only seek to date based solely on race no matter how repugnant or hideous the women may be to them. However, these majority of this thinking lies with the other side of the gender as men traditionally always go for what attracts them as opposed to a race quota that would have them kissing some ugly wench.
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msty1 says:Posted: 16 Jun 11
Mr. Harris, WHile there are a couple of your points that I can agree with, I found the majority of them to be judgemental generalizations. Where is your data coming from? Where does this obsession with racial quota's come from? While you say "overwhelming majority of men" you put this negative irrational behavior you describe on ALL women and that is neither fair or correct. You state: "Unlike women a Black man who might prefer to date a Black women is not going to date some hideous looking Black woman that he finds to be physicaly repugnant simply because she is Black if he has an option to date a woman of another race he finds to be more physically attractive to him. That type of foolish illogical race based dating quota thinking is a creature of creation by many narrow minded women who would rather date a gargoyle based solely on his race than a handsome man based on their attraction to him." I think the above statement disturbed me the most. Hey I could go on, but after the first paragraph I realized that your post seemed to be born out of some inane rationalization of male dating behavior possibly a result of poor dating experiences. But to each his own! It is my sincere hope that you will one day realize that all men and women regardless of color have some form of shallowness when it comes to dating. Race is rarely the biggest issue; weight, height, money, education, social status, tops race quite often. Also, don't be so judgemental of a person's past. You only see the final result, you don't know what they experienced to get there. The assumption that all women like the ghetto fabulous drug dealing hood is ridiculous! I have seen women of ALL colors attracted to these types of men, and not all of those men were Black!!! Hoodrat comes in ALL colors. In closing, we are all allowed an opinion and my statements above are just that, my opinion. I am reading your post (although written as if it were backed by statistical facts) as YOUR opinion as well. As an educated, African American woman who is open minded, gainfully employed, a fantastic single parent whith NO drama in her life, I want you to know that I would date the RIGHT man regardless of race. I hope that knowing that there may be just 1 such rational woman out there will help you see each woman as an individual and not place the poor decisions of a few on us all. Good luck in your dating endeavors! MsTY
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Darlinu says:Posted: 18 Jun 11
Now this is a very well thought out response. It would behoove the young man to heed its wisdom. Peace!
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soio2525 says:Posted: 14 Jun 11
The fact is that if you are dating someone of another ethinicity to get back at a sister without taken into consideration that these are two women who see something in you (my brother) aren't even really studying you're foolishness and just want a man. You should want to be with the individual because of who they are on the inside and though emotions run deep on this subject; creating emotional baggage for someone else to carry around is not cool. SOLO2525
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deean says:Posted: 18 Jun 11My reply is intended for m. elliot. harris: You insult every AA man who signed up for military duty by saying he was only looking for another race woman. ARE YOU JOKING? Every AA man on this blog should send you an email telling you exactly why they chose the military life style, most found the military as a way out of poverty.
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deean says:Posted: 18 Jun 11
Historically, AA women did the best they could to defend AA men. Who asked us? The AA community has told AA women/girls that they need to understand and defend AA men (no matter what the situation) because the "evil white man" has it out for most AA men. Little did the masses of AA women realize, most of these AA men were simply using AA women to get what they wanted- rather it was help obtaining an higher education, access to other race women/housing/clothing/money or a vehicle. I once had a ww co-worker tell me, "Yes, bw always gets the lower end of a deal". To say the least, I was shocked by her comment but, she was mostly correct. Yes, this is what happens when AA women put all of their hopes into one basket or support one race of man, you get nothing but ridicule. Most Asian and Caucasian women are smart because they do not put all of their support behind their race men. However, I am more than sure those men would love to have a woman put as much support behind them as most AA women have done with most AA men. My son is in the Army and he did not join to meet other race women. As a matter of fact, his wife is an AA woman and he LOVES this obviously AA woman and their child. I can tell you this more and more AA women are opening their minds and eyes to the hypocrisy of most AA men. I have been in various stores and I have seen bm/ww and I paid no attention to them; until one of them would make so type of loud sound to get my attention. I have even been followed down the aisles by these people, Why? So, I can see them together? I do not care if AA men date the whole rainbow coalition, just leave me out of your issues. If bm and other race women are so happy then why try to get my attention? Therefore, date whoever you wish. Just stop using AA women as some type of excuse for your issues. Peace.
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deean says:Posted: 18 Jun 11
In addition, It is time for Tyler Perry and others to think of better story lines then the usually bs. Take a look around there are angry people of all nationalities. I really do not wish to come on the internet and try to tear AA men down; however, I will not continue to sit and read garbage about AA women. Enough.
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deean says:Posted: 18 Jun 11
I work at a HBCU and the majority of students are AA women and not AA men. As a matter of fact we (AA women) put alot of energy into keeping these AA men in school. It's a #)#)()#$ job. What do you do to help any AA person?
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CremeU says:Posted: 13 Jun 11
Great line of thinking SugahRush. But are there Black men out there who date White women just to spite Black women?
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SUGAHRUSH says:Posted: 13 Jun 11
Indeed there are! There will always be those with a bad case of E.D. (Emotional Dwarfism/Deviance) who, with an emotional ax to grind, USE others to attempt to make a stunted point. But like stray animals--don't feed 'em and they don't hang around...for long. As for those who "sleep" though such mess--time to WAKE UP & A WALK OUT! :-D SugahRush
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SugahRush says:Posted: 11 Jun 11
Hmmm....It COULD mean a lot of things. But the one question which stands out most in my mind is... "Could it be that these Black women are not "angry" but a group of Black women who are having a lively, passionate but civil conversation about "Black men dating White women?" Just a thought. And as one thought begats another..... Would we call them "angry" if they were talking about Whites dating Asian or Hispanics dating Blacks or even Black Women dating (fill in color here) _____men? Would we call them "angry" if they were talking about Catholics dating Jews or Baptists dating Muslims or Presbyterians dating Mormons? Would we call them angry if they were African Americans dating South Africans (Black or White)? Why are Black women possessing an opinion or a database of factual information described as "Angry"? ~SugahRush
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