Scared of telling him to put a ring on it?

Posted by James, 27 Jan

engagement ringThere is nothing as depressing as being stuck in the "dating" relationships category. And by stuck, I mean, you want that ring but he seems comfortable with the "dating" status which you have been on for like 6 years. The thing is: most women want their dating status elevated to the more promising "engaged" status (and a ring to prove it ; one that's shiny enough to hurt the eyes of their jealous girlfriends’ faces).

So how do you ask for that ring that you want so bad; coz clearly all the hints you have been dropping seem to be landing on some hard rock that aint a diamond in his pocket? Is it okay to come right out and ask for it?

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I read somewhere that a woman is the one who determines what the next step in her relationship is going to be because if you leave that decision to most men, your relationship status will never change from "dating". See, most of us men love that dating stage – yes you are committed; but then again, you are not tied down. It’s such a comfortable stage for us (lemme say) young men! So if you are with a woman who seems comfortable too, you think: why rush these things?

Most women think when they bring up the subject of marriage and tell the man how much they want to get married, they come off as desperate and needy – in fact, they feel ashamed and desperate. Some are afraid of getting disappointed in the process. But if you hold back your desires and goals of getting married, how will you know you are with the right man – a man who wants the same too?

Sometimes, most women sabotage this fairy tale dream. You could be stuck dating in a 5 year relationship with a man who is just with you waiting for his right woman to come along. You could be stuck dating in that 5 year relationship because the man feels you probably don’t want marriage since you have never mentioned it anyways. So unless you bring it up, share your goals and desires about marriage sooner, you might end up like that Val from VH1's "Single Ladies" TV series, discovering she had sacrificed a lot for a relationship with a man who not only didn’t want to be married to her but also didn’t love her.

If you want that ring bad enough, pursue it. Its what you want. Don’t let fear of what he might think of you stand in the way of your fairy tale. Proposals don’t just drop from heaven. For most women, they plant the seed in the man’s head early enough in the relationship; so from the word: "GO!", the man knows if he likes her enough to want to keep her, he has to pop the question sooner rather than later ... or never if you may.

Don’t wait until you are fully invested in a relationship that probably won’t give you that wedding your heart desires. Let him know! It’s the only way you’ll know you are with the right man because the right man will share the same desires... a desire to put a ring on it!

4 responses to "Scared of telling him to put a ring on it?"

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  1.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 01 Feb 12

    From a man’s perspective I’d like to add that men have two kinds of women “keepers” and “sleepers” and trust me we know who we’ll break a leg for running to get to the pastor or the judge. If a man’s heart is on fire for a woman then it shouldn’t take two to six years for him to make up his mind. I’ve known guys that have married women with bad credit, three kids, and couldn’t boil hotdogs, why? Because these were the women they wanted to marry, nothing more or less! You have to say what you want and want what you say, we don’t read minds. I had a woman tell me up front one time “I’m not trying to be nobody’s “lay up gal”, I’m looking to be somebody’s wife and if marriage is not within your plans for the very near future then let’s not waste each other time!” I gracefully bowed out and about a year later another guy stepped up and she’s now married with four children. In closing, it’s better to look desperate making your wishes known up front than to end up looking stupid because some guy had you hanging on for four or five years, now that’s crazy!

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    • nika23 says:
      Posted: 06 Feb 12

      I agree completely and would never date someone for more than 2 years, far less 6 years. I would find out if my must haves in a relationship are a part of his plan before even starting a committed relationship with a guy. Of course some guys lie and sometimes people just aren't right for each, but I would not be afraid to say what I want. I have told guys I want marriage and that I don't do friends with benefits and some guys have turned me down and/or called me names, but I would rather know what type of person they are before investing my time and feelings for the same result years later. Unless you're young and still in college, I would think after 2 years, you know if you and your partner work well together and have enough common goals so that you would want to be them for the long haul. If a guy isin't willing to commit within 2 years or less then I'd believe he doesn't think I'm the girl for him and move on. I'm not staying with anyone who doesn't truely love me and doesn't feel that I deserve a secure relationship where I know I can count on them long term. If they're not willing to commit, it's because they want an escape route and are holding out for someone "better." I want someone who thinks I'm better and thinks I'm a prize. I'd rather stay alone than be with someone who doesn't really want to be with me and is only staying for sex, money or whatever!

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 10 Feb 12

        @ nika23 - Well said! Knowing that you deserve a secure relationship is the most important thing. I've run across too many women that have this "a piece of a man is better than no man attitude" and they end up with the very thing that they settled for.

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  2.   SugahRush says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 12

    James! I couldn't agree with this blog MORE! We cover so much ground in the first year of a relationship, it's shameful to avoid discussing our hopes & expectations for our future(s). It teeters on disrespect to "assume" what ones partner wants, rather than to seek clarity. It takes ample time to 'establish' a solid, exclusive, like-minded, focused bond. Be candid about your desires for marriage. Be sure to discuss a time line (WHEN the relationship should be Elevated or Exited). Lastly, no matter the outcome, relax and enjoy the friendship WHERE YOU in the moment! Good job, James.

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