Multicultural dating - Initiating sexual activity

Posted by James, 03 May

Have you ever been in situations where you had to initiate some sexual activity, and failed to recognize the signs? Most will agree with me that when such opportunities pass, they hardly ever return… I have just done that and you lost the moment ;). Your loss...

Invading someone’s ‘personal space’ can be somewhat tricky or even demeaning when it the concerned are in a multicultural relationship. And when it comes to sexual intimacy, its even trickier. This is the kind of 'personal space' to which each one of us does not invade unless invited to. Invading it uninvited may be interpreted as rape by some cultures, while for other cultures, closeness is permitted, but very conditionally... only when the knot has been tied.

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Now that the two of you have been going out for coffee for quite a while, being the sexually liberal American you are, you feel like ITS TIME!!! So how do you go about this when the woman has stated clearly that in her culture people have to be married to get down?

Cultural values or not, there is some non-linguistic communication… body language... that drops a few hints to initiate sexual activity. And these are the hints we always fail to see. Someone once said ‘Do not ever underestimate the power of private meeting with someone… intimacy is a possibility’. Canny? Don't be amused. It ceme from a man. Well this could be your only chance to score… or almost :lol: Analyze the environment… romantically arranged? If you are a woman and have been invited by a man, you can be 99% sure that the dude has entertained that thougth severally and gotten his goggle stiff a number of times. Seize the moment!!!

Or try the usual touching someone’s arm, brushing near them… they may just respond. But kindly watch for signs of whether your invasion is invited or not. If you are planning to spend the rest of your lives together then some of these cultural values need to be taken into consideration. How far can your sexual activities go? What is acceptable? What is demeaning?

Or do you wanna get married to a woman who thinks your first sexual encounter was rape? :roll: Mmmm…. Didn’t think so either ;-)

Tags: sex, sexual intimacy

2 responses to "Multicultural dating - Initiating sexual activity"

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  1.   Smile4242 says:
    Posted: 30 Mar 09

    Initiating sex is always tricky, not just on an intercultural level, but also on a personal level. People within a culture can vary deeply based on their own beliefs and experiences. I have missed opportunities because I did not see the signs and was operating on cues from my culture rather than hers, or operating on my personal experiences rather than hers. I've had situations where a woman was just being polite but I thought she was flirting. After a little communication and some awkwardness, everything was straightened out and no harm done. And then I have been with other women who want a sexually powerful man, and if he does not initiate sex then he is not man enough for her. Women like that enjoy being "taken" and "ravished" and want the man to initiate sex always. They never initiate sex other than laying there waiting for you. Other women are more shy and although they want it, need more time to get comfortable with engaging in sex, so one must be delicate and reassuring all the way. Or there are women who will run if you pursue them, but if you tease them and they will pursue you. Initiate sex, and you get turned down, but let them think it's their idea, and they are all over you. There are so many variations, you really can't stereotype and must get to know the person, although knowing their culture and upbringing can give you some clues. Communication is key, both verbal and non-verbal. Otherwise you can get in trouble by either pushing sex on someone who does not want it, or not giving enough sex to someone who desperately wants it. And Fala, although in an ideal world, people would discuss such things, often people are either uncomfortable talking about it, or just make assumptions. Using one example above (from when I was much much younger I might add), she assumed that a man who loves her would initiate sex frequently and powerfully and passionately on his terms, while I assumed that I had to wait for her to initiate or show interest in sex to initiate sex or else I would be forcing myself on her (thanks to my womens lib training growing up). In reality she was thinking I did not love her since I was not having sex with her any time I wanted, and I thought she did not love me since she was not initiating sex. The reality is she thought that was the man's job to initiate sex, and was actually how things typically operated in her culture (man dominant over the female, the wife's body is for the husband's enjoyment, etc.). We didn't think about what to say or what to explain since we both assumed based on our own experiences. Now, eventually I figured it out, and we both got the sex we wanted, but there was a learning curve there. Just like I figured out that other women, that by me not initiating sex, I would get sex since she enjoyed pursing. Totally opposite. Go figure. Like I said, learn about the culture and learn about your partner. That is how you will discover what makes both of you happy.

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  2.   Fala says:
    Posted: 04 May 07

    If you're at that point, you really should have these things already discussed between the two of you, don't you think?

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