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Infidelity dating site: Is the creator really at fault?

Posted by James, 07 Oct

infidelity dating site

“We didn’t invent infidelity, we're just a platform”.

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This was the response given to criticisms directed against a US businessman, Noel Biderman, after announcing plans to launch a UK version of the world’s renowned infidelity dating website.

After reaching about 7 million members in the US, Canada and Australia, the owner (a married father of two who maintains he doesn’t have extramarital affairs himself) figured... it was time to tap into the UK market and make multi-million pounds from his marriage-wrecking business. Well he certainly has. Since launching the UK version early last month, 630,000 Britons have visited the website… 44 % of these visitors being women. “That’s higher than in the US or Australia, so what does that tell you? … British women are clearly disappointed by their men,” Biderman says.

The site creator stepped on quite a number of toes with his money-back guarantee ad campaign that openly urged people to have extramarital affairs. Even with death threats and abuse on other websites, his conscience seems to be clear, saying:

“No website or 30-second ad is going to convince anyone to cheat. People cheat because their lives aren't working for them… If I shut down Ashley Madison today, will it stop a single person from being unfaithful? Of course not. I can’t worry about people thinking I’m a ghoul, because I’m pretty sure that history will treat me differently. It’s 2010, people: time to redefine morality.”

He sure does have a point there. People who want to cheat will cheat … with or without a nudge like the website’s slogan - ‘Life is short. Have an affair’- that graces its homepage. Are we being fair when we call his business a home-wrecking business? Should we shame him for creating a-mouse-click-away platform that facilitates the already existent world of cheaters?

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7 responses to "Infidelity dating site: Is the creator really at fault?"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 10

    Oh there are Players on every dating site. That is just one of the risks you take with online AND offline dating. Some people are very good at playing in person and some are better online. I guess that is just a risk of life when dating.

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  2.   "players" says:
    Posted: 19 Oct 10

    They should offer a place to go where members on thbis site can be identifed as "Players". I can offer a few right now

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  3.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 10

    And you can't expect people who have drug addictions to stop using drugs simply because they are addicts, right? Marriage problems are more complex than just websites promoting infidelity but making bad things easier just for the sake of money is wrong. And you don't need to cheat and it is one hundred percent harmful all the time like drugs and tobacco. While eating at a fast food place might not be the healthiest thing for you but you need to eat to survive while you don't need to cheat or do drugs or tobacco to survive. So your analogy falls short in that capacity and I know full well the harmfulness of cheating on marriages and kids being a marriage counselor. Instead of exploiting people's vices and weaknesses, why don't people try to make money the good old fashion way and have a clean conscience about it if they have any left. Cheating in a marriage is a million times more harmful to everyone in the environment that people who get overweight from eating fast foods. You hurt yourself mostly when you get overweight but cheating hurts everyone and you can always lose weight but you can't take back that black hole and betrayal felt both by partners who have been cheated on and the kids torn apart by the divorce that comes from it. Don't rationalize you love of money away with such poor analogies. At least I can sleep good at night knowing I help people out rather than making it easier for them to hurt each other irreparably. Only a person with no consciences left because it has been so cauterized by years of rationalization as they go for money the easy way, would say and think the way you do. Those of us still with a conscience still find marital cheating appalling especially those like me who see the affect in countless lives. I have even seen suicides over it and murder suicides while I don't see people shooting themselves because they feel guilty about being too fat from fast food.

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  4.   skye711 says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 10

    i don't understand your views??? Business is business and if there is a market out there"Infidelity dating"why not..I'm sick and tired of married women/men blaming others for their marriage problems! You can't expect fast food shops to close just because someone has a weight problem!!!!!

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  5.   skye711 says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 10

    As a business women in the sex industry i don't understand you

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  6.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 08 Oct 10

    What a load of crap. They are using the same excuse that drug dealers use saying that it is okay to sell drugs because if they don't sell it to them, someone else will because there will always be drug-users!! And when you make something go online, it is even worse because it increases the accessibility of being able to cheat. And to rip on the Brits for having 44 percent of the women being on the site cheating is hypocritical especially when studies show that site on the site in America, 67 percent of them are women so American women are much worse when it comes to cheating then the Brits women. It could be that American men don't need sites to cheat as they have it down to an art form by now and don't need a site. But it still goes against the stereotype that women are the faithful ones and that men are the cheaters. As a marriage counselor, I have seen more and counseled more cheating American women in couples than men. And as a marriage counselor, I don't condone any kind of cheating and think people should go to premarital counseling to look for possible signs of future cheating on either of the partners part and they should also go to marriage counseling for any other problems and early on to nip any possible cheating in the bud before it happens. But with disposable marriages and the divorce rate in Westernized countries climbing higher and higher all over the world and divorced people outnumbering married couples by far, marriage counseling, especially good marriage counseling is important and increasingly important all over the world if people can just get past the age old stigma of counseling. But for many people, it is easier for them to get a divorce than to try and go through the hard work of trying to save their marriage after they waited until it is a real wreck and very hard to fix. That's also why I like retreats for couples who want to deepen their love and marriage even if there isn't any really big problems yet. You don't wait until your car can't run any longer for you to take it into the shop. You do maintainence all year around to like oil, tires, some many thousand mile checkups etc. It is really sad when people end up taking care of their car or house than they do their marriages. And sites like the one mentioned only make things a lot worse because if it is harder to cheat, maybe they will actually take the time to go to a marriage counselor and try and save their marriage.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 22 Oct 10

      So much wrong information in this article. They are using the same excuse that drug dealers use saying that it is okay to sell drugs because if they don’t sell it to them, someone else will because there will always be drug-users!! And when you make something go online, it is even worse because it increases the accessibility of being able to cheat. And to rip on the Brits for having 44 percent of the women being on the site cheating is hypocritical especially when studies show that site on the site in America, 67 percent of them are women so American women are much worse when it comes to cheating then the Brits women. It could be that American men don’t need sites to cheat as they have it down to an art form by now and don’t need a site. But it still goes against the stereotype that women are the faithful ones and that men are the cheaters. As a marriage counselor, I have seen more and counseled more cheating American women in couples than men. And as a marriage counselor, I don’t condone any kind of cheating and think people should go to premarital counseling to look for possible signs of future cheating on either of the partners part and they should also go to marriage counseling for any other problems and early on to nip any possible cheating in the bud before it happens. But with disposable marriages and the divorce rate in Westernized countries climbing higher and higher all over the world and divorced people outnumbering married couples by far, marriage counseling, especially good marriage counseling is important and increasingly important all over the world if people can just get past the age old stigma of counseling. But for many people, it is easier for them to get a divorce than to try and go through the hard work of trying to save their marriage after they waited until it is a real wreck and very hard to fix. That’s also why I like retreats for couples who want to deepen their love and marriage even if there isn’t any really big problems yet. You don’t wait until your car can’t run any longer for you to take it into the shop. You do maintainence all year around to like oil, tires, some many thousand mile checkups etc. It is really sad when people end up taking care of their car or house than they do their marriages. And sites like the one mentioned only make things a lot worse because if it is harder to cheat, maybe they will actually take the time to go to a marriage counselor and try and save their marriage.

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