How do you know when online chemistry is real?

Posted by James, 19 Jul

online dating chemistryMy pal was very excited about this guy from Netherlands coming to visit her. They had been dating online for about 6 months. Nothing could dampen her mood that day because she was sure he was the one… the chemistry was way up the top and all that was left was a meeting to seal the whole deal… up until she finally met him!

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See, this guy hadn’t lied about who he was or about his age... neither had he uploaded a picture of a younger, hotter version of himself. In fact he looked better in person than he did in his pictures. But after their first dinner date, she had already made up her mind... she was gonna run! All the plans they had of showing the guy around the state went down the drain. She never saw him again… never picked his calls again... never even bothered to go see him off while he was leaving (at least for the effort he had put).

What went wrong? “No Sparks!” she told me. Poor dude. He made the decision to come and take a closer look at this hot chick he was already falling in love with in the hopes that their relationship would move forward; only to scare the chick away. Could online chemistry really be totally different from what happens offline? No sparks whatsoever?

I wonder what happened to that guy… how he felt when this girl he flew miles for just went AWOL on him. I wonder if he still believes in online dating. I wonder if he still has an active dating profile or this discouraged him completely. Makes me wonder whether online dating cultivate a false sense of attraction – just some virtual chemistry? How do you know that the online chemistry you have with someone, is something you can count on… something worth traveling miles and miles for a closer look?

2 responses to "How do you know when online chemistry is real?"

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  1.   SugahRush says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 11

    Online chemistry is very real, however, it's only an introduction. An E-lationship is not a RELATIONSHIP. Tough lesson, but necessary.Meeting someone online is exciting but there's a catch. FIRST, THE HOLES.Humans don't do well with holes in their information. Don't believe me? Well, if I sang "A, B, C, D,...", You will likely continue with "..E, F, G..." If I say, "Red, White, and"'ll likely think BLUE." When we meet someone online, and we click, we still have holes and these holes are filled in with our own conjecture, preferences, historical experiential data and such... As we gather more information about this person, our "fillers" will be replaced with other info. So what we imagine to be his/her voice, accent or vocabulary to be, may or may not jive with what we hear on the phone. Then if we meet them face to face, they don't usually look like the profile pick--and it may not be an issue of OLD PICS or prepregnancy waists, etcs. The fact is, a picture captures a moment within MILLIONS of moments. The nuances which we've altered in our minds are just not present face to face. ENJOY THEM AS THEY ARE...WHERE THEY ARE. Nothing more, nothing less. If "chemistry" is lacking, it means that you have to MAKE IT YOURSELF! Fireworks are WONDERFUL...BUT THEY ONLY GO BOOM ONCE...then ashes. It takes a lot of work to keep a fire burning. DO THE WORK. SECOND, I challenge the notion that online dating will teach you about others. It actually teaches you more about YOURSELF! Check yourself regularly! Are you expecting behavior, provisions which you can't provide? Check that? Are you so guarded and overly sensitive that your "block list " is longer than your "fave list"? Check that, too! Are you not getting "hits"? Check your profile content. Are you ONLY getting perves and stalkers? Check your pics or your promises. Your profile is about YOU. What does yours say about THE REAL YOU? Lofty claims,(how to treat a man/lady; pampering, beaches, etc.) and over-done skin shots, are NOT the REAL YOU...most of the time! RELAX!!! Be approachable! Be receptive! and BE FOR REAL!! Then there's the crappy cliches (ie, any reference to drama, baby mamma/daddy, gold-digging(er), THIRD, DO YOUR HOMEWORK. You know what you want, but do you know what you NEED. You know what you have to offer, but do you know what VALUE YOU CAN ADD TO ANOTHER? (TRICK QUESTION: You really wont know unless THEY tell you what they need. ) You know your good points & assets. But do you know YOUR FLAWS and the flaws with which you can Live and Love? Increase your level of risk tolerance. You've created a profile, signed up (and hopefully paid). Opening yourself up is NOT equivalent to lowering your standards. Love is where you make it. and you'd be surprised at how many people online are Angels in disguise. Oh, and slow your butt reasonable! The person to which you've exchanged emails and calls with for a few weeks or couple months isn't LIKELY to be "Marriage worthy at that time. Sure it happens, but it takes a firm foundation to build a great your foundation. Don't dismiss someone because they would "like to date or establish a friendship first! SHEEESSH!! So instead of constantly issuing pink slips & nitpicking, take a chance. Read the profiles and if there is potential to make or be a friend--take it. You'll never know how happy you can truly be, when you make the choice to stop being a source of MISERY. ENJOY THE ADVENTURE...AND KNOW THYSELF!

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  2.   Darlinu says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 11

    Maybe that was her red flag, to stay away. He may have been out to hurt her, or not quite what he had said. I am happy she listened to her heart and not some obligation, it could have saved her life. Peace! Ps- yes, I believe many have true feelings for each other. But many have lusted a fantasy, that is bound to let them down. Peace!

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