Do interracial couples have it easier in Africa?

Posted by James, 02 Jan

Just like anywhere else, stereotypes about interracial relationships gain credence when people are asked to generalize. Whether you are an African man or woman in an interracial relationship, generalizations about your motives will be formed. For instance, if you are a woman, you are a wh*** or gold digger; if you are a man, you are a gold digger or you just want to experience sex with the renowned more adventurous in sack - the white women. On the other hand, white women only want to have sex with you because you are well endowed.

Most African women who date interracially claim to do so because they believe black men are all dogs, who treat their women terribly, so they run to White men because they are supposed to be sweet and loving spouses. There always seem to be stereotypes attached to interracial relationships. Stereotypes aside, is it easier being in an interracial relationship in Africa?

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Mary, an African woman once had a nasty experience at one of the Hotels in Africa when she took her White Austrian husband to visit her country. They were stopped at the barrier and the guy asked them what room they were going to. "So she must be a hooker," Michael, her husband cut in.

Similar incidents have happened to several African women who date white men. The thing is, people assume, just because he is white and you are going into a hotel, even if for dinner, the door men always assume: hooker!

Ruth, who has been married to her white husband for 15 years has also experienced prostitution accusations which she cares less about. But her beau Iain believes such people should be fired. He says: "Anyone who behaves that way should not be working in our hospitality industry."

Prostitution accusations isn’t the only thing she has encountered. She recalls being told by people "now that you’re with a white man you need to help us". And when she ignored them or didn’t give them money, they would get upset and call her nasty names, telling her how she’s feeling hot now that she landed herself a white dude.

Looking at it from the African man’s angle, for this guy Chaka, it comes down to money. Much as his wife Dani is totally dependent on him, whenever they are out for dinner or something, people always give her the bill or ask her for money to settle the bill. Its like the Caucasian has to be the one financing the relationship. Dani doesn’t like holding money or paying for stuff when she is with Chaka because she feels people look at her with the assumption that she is the one with the money and he is the kept man.

Chaka also had an issue with explaining their relationship to his parents; getting them to wrap their heads around the fact that he was with a White woman. When he told his parents that he was coming to live with Dani in Kenya, they were worried that he didn't know Dani at all. "No, that’s something we can work on," Chaka told them. As Chaka puts it, to his parents, his answer was translation for: he wasn't serious; that he was just testing the relationship. But with time, they came around.

Mary faced rejection from her mother when she first told her of the white man she was dating in London. "Come back home immediately!", the mum said. So they decided to get married, went to the registry then she told her mum 5 years later. Mary was annoyed at the fact that the man she loved was being rejected by her family before they even met him. The two have dealt with such disapproval by refusing to care what people think.

It seems such ups and downs that interracial couples face are everywhere. But I must admit most of my friends who are married to African men and women have had it easy, especially when it comes to dealing with family. But much as being an interracial couple isn't easy, it gets easier with time. As for Dani, she says: "Marriage isn’t about those things, it’s about living together and about creating a life together." And when Michael was asked what the best part about being in an interracial relationship with his wife Mary for 16 years is, his answer was immediate and perfect: "Every single day."

6 responses to "Do interracial couples have it easier in Africa?"

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  1. Posted: 19 Feb 13

    I agree with Ms. Shanora403. If there is a country where there is a Black population there will always be tensions when it comes to interracial dating. Being a US citizen, who has often dated outside of my race, there were always that small group of people who not only disagree with it, but don't mind making those feelings known about it. It seems like as long as i was dating a Black woman, I rarely encountered negative feedback (unless the person was just outright racist and didn't like her or my presence). Unfortunately, there was more resistance when I was dating a White, Hispanic or Asian woman there would be more people who seemed to be against it. While it isn't much of a big issue in some of the countries i have been in, in the US it has always been a stronger opposition, especially when a Black man is involved. For some reason, I have witnessed that a White man would not encounter as much resistance when he dated outside of his race (unless he's dating a Black woman). I recall visiting my parents in Florence, South Carolina and my woman (who happens to be Asian) and I caught many stares and disapproving looks, yet there was another couple, a White man and Asian woman also dining in that restaurant. They didn't draw near the amount of negative stares that we generated. Though we live in a day and age where we are more educated and understanding, in the US race (for some people) continues to be an issue when it comes to dating inter-racially and while I feel its not as much of an issue in most communities, there are still those small backwoods communities who haven't quite caught up with mainstream society. We can only hope that someday, places like Florence, SC will eventually catch up with the rest of modern society.

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  2.   shanora403 says:
    Posted: 16 Jan 13

    I don't think it is easier overall in any black populated country not only in Africa i live in Jamaica and was dating a white man once and trust me it was rough just the same

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  3.   smh says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 13

    @ Flykitty19 ...could not have put it any better....the sad thing is,this perception will never change..thats just the way it I guess the answer to this article is...NO,INTERRACIAL COUPLES DO NOT HAVE IT EASIER IN AFRICA...sad,but true

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  4.   tilypTulyp says:
    Posted: 12 Jan 13

    fllkitty 19 i absolutely agree with you most of the people judge women dating white men as prostitues and i believe its a wide spread vice in Africa as a whole...unfortunately......

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  5.   flykitty19 says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 13

    Mmmmmhhhh, very very interesting, you speak Swahili… so you are most probably from East Africa am guessing. What you term as ABSURD and BARBARIC unfortunately is REALITY. I have been in interracial relationships ever since my first boyfriend, 10 year marriage and now currently dating in yet another interracial relationship. Could it be that when you dated you probably shielded your white man? Maybe just going to the very high class hotels or so? Maybe always using the best taxi services, or you driving around? Maybe visiting the Mara? Had you at one time try to have a ‘normal’ day life with your white man, maybe taking him to the village, or the estate where you grew up, maybe the schools you went to, maybe out to the market to buy fruits?, maybe an average restaurant? Ignorance is the highest killing in disease in Africa and if you tried the normal life in Africa with your white man then you will see what this article is talking about is absolutely true. Look at Malindi, it has been infested by the Italians, all the girls walking there with little Bambinos, some are working girls, some were not working girls, some are visiting from Italy with their families… All the rest will see, is yet another working girl impregnated by the ‘mzungu’. Any restaurant you go they will assume you are the ‘gold digger” or the ‘partner for the vacation’ They have many hotels and restaurants that do not allow black girls/women to walk in even with a white man. I remember one time, in Nairobi, pan Africa hotel, we had gone for some dinner. We walk in hand in hand and immediately they ask my husband if he had added my name to the room. I was like wtf? Really? The man proceeded to say they did not allow the tourists to bring in ‘malayas’ which is Swahili word for prostitutes the rest is history let’s just say he got punched on the face and lost his job… the meal was free too. What this article talks about is nothing but the truth. Maybe you have not experienced it, but that does not mean that it does not exist. Do some more research about this. I could give you over ten circumstances that I have been through. Count yourself lucky that you have not encountered any of the above.

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  6.   Lovelife80 says:
    Posted: 04 Jan 13

    As an African girl that has dated interracially, i find this ABSURD and BARBARIC. personally, i have never faced the stereotyping that comes with being in an interracial relationship. Maybe i am just TOO confident - or i pretend to be if i sense that coming my way!! that said, people always stare. for whatever reason, they just stare!!!! Maybe it's my BEAUTIFUL DERIERRE they stare at - and believe me, NO COMPLAINS. I dont know how i will tell my family - when i finally choose to settle down, and if it happens to be with a whiteman - and chances are, IT IS GOING TO BE WITH A WHITE MAN....

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