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Black woman's voice on love and interracial relationships

Posted by James, 02 Jun

Everyone is talking about black women and interracial relationships. But have we given black women a platform to talk back?

According to society and media talks about black women, love and interracial dating/marriage, the black women have been branded the number one enemy of interracial relationships. As per the media, it doesn’t really matter who is in that interracial relationship (black women or black men for that matter); so long as you are in one, you’ll be stepping on lots of black women’s toes. And woe unto you if you happen to be a black man in a relationship with a white woman…

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See, there have always been highlights in the news of comments about black women, especially reacting against an interracial relationship between a male black celebrity and a white woman. But to be honest, some of these comments are usually too graphical that they seem fabricated. I sometimes like to believe that maybe, just maybe, some exaggeration usually comes into play when portraying the black women’s view on interracial dating. But then again, if someone as famous as musician Jill Scott can declare openly her opposition to interracial relationships, you start to think that maybe there is some truth to those comments… Maybe these are comments by black women themselves.

But this being an interracial dating site, and having read some of the comments that are stirred by the articles on the site and the comment exchanges between readers and members of the site, I tend to think that maybe all along we have been painting a wrong picture about black women based on popular belief and what we read or hear in the media.

But aren’t we tired of hearing these stories from another perspective and from other voices?

I think it’s only fair to give the black women on this site their voice back and let them tell their own stories from their own perspective; a chance to narrate their own experiences; a chance to frankly discuss what they really think about interracial dating, what black women in their lives (friends and family) feel about interracial relationships, whether interracial dating is just a plan B, and how being in interracial dating has affected their lives (both positively and/or negatively) with other black women in their lives and society at large.

Question is: Does the same “media” picture emerge?

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14 responses to "Black woman's voice on love and interracial relationships"

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  1.   Happy_Girl says:
    Posted: 01 Jan 13

    Hate to break the news black men but your property values are DROPPING. Just look at tv. There are at least 3 shows in which the black woman is the love interests of a young handsome white man. THESE TIMES ARE A CHANGING. LOL. So keep crying about us poor unattractive lonely black women hating on you and we will keep winking back at the other races. I think the black man needs the idea of black women hating on them. With that they are able to inflate their egos and beliefs about how they are truly the most desire men on earth..... YEA SOME BLACK MAN TOLD ME THAT. LOL Get real. YOU have done a wondrous propaganda campaign against your women and FINALLY they are waking up and deciding you arent all that. We are walking away and you will be left. I doubt it will be the joy you think it is. BUT hey it is what you want. YOU got it.

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  2.   NaijaBabe11 says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 12

    Other black women DO NOT speak for me when it comes to mixed race unions. I cannot stress this enough. I have had white men admit to me that they would date a beautiful black woman, but when they hear other black women, like Jill Scott voicing their disdain towards interracial relationships, they reluctantly back away. There is nothing wrong with free speech, but I would much rather speak for myself, rather than Jill Scott doing the job.

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  3.   Sinclaire7 says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 12

    The media often portrays black women in the wrong light and most of the time it's way off base. The media seems to focus mostly on negativity. Even our First Lady has had to defend her image as a black woman. I guess how open-minded black women are to dating other races depends on many factors that are personal. I am a black woman who has dated black and white men and I am currently in love with a man that is white and we are extremely happy together and don't care what others may think about it. I didn't plan things this way. I just kept my mind open to a good man and to real love and it happened. Life doesn't always roll the way that we want. Check out my book "Black Woman White Man: A Black Woman's Journey to Love and the Truth About Interracial Dating" by Sinclaire Caviness. The foreword to the book was written by Diondrea Nicosia, who was featured in the "Ebony and Ivory" segment of the television series, 'I Married a Mobster". Yes, she is what some might called a black mob wife. You can find the book on Amazon.com. Honest words from two women whose lives followed different paths that led to the same place. Check it out!

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  4.   kisanavarre says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 12

    It's impossible for any one person or a few people to speak on the mind and heart of the many. A happy relationship is a wonderful thing no matter who is in it. It is unfortunate that we are characterized as "difficult or the angry black woman". Not all of us have that personality flaw. Most of us just want happiness and peace. It would be great if the masses would act like the intelligent individuals they claim to be and quite judging people by the tv version.

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  5.   earthangel3 says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 12

    Last weekend I attended a neighborhood art fair, it was awesome! Besides the art in motion (puppetry, floats, and other) I was delighted by presence of an Asian couple rumbustious 2yrs old asian son, and interethnic couple (black wife and white husband). The Asian man displayed ethnocentricity, if it was not for his son who I found myself continually rescuing from being injured as he swung on the ropes. The racism has yet to reach his son it was blatant obvious as he always run near me to play. There was ropes near his dad. I fell in love with the child's laughter and smile. When he laughed I laughed, and he smiled I smiled. The child was easily liked. The other couple who joined us before the Asian man was an interethnic couple, oops I mean interracial couple. A white man married to a black women their teen daughter was with them. The white husband witness my discomfort with the Asian man (asian has cease her conversation with me), he made many attempts to keep the air light and inviting by engaging me in conversation. I felt his wife was lucky to had found and accepted him into her life. He truly loves his wife and that is all I want as well.

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  6.   Peachez916 says:
    Posted: 16 Jun 12

    This is a discussion that has been long overdue, I applaud each and everyones opinion on this subject...Yes it is a shame the media and for lack of a better term...Haters of ITR's try to strategically influence or deter these types of relationships with negative propaganda. When celebrities speak their minds...why is it that their words are spuined out as being valid? I am a huge fan of Jill Scott, but at the end of the day, it's just her opinion on the subject matter and nothing more. She is just one of many individuals who feel this way...and frankly..when it comes to this subject..she should have just kept her opinion to herself...You know what they say about opinions? They are like a@$% holes, every body's got one; and hers is not the be all or end all of interracial relationships okay! Now, I live in the South, New Orleans, to be exact all of my natural life. It is now and has always been a cultural melting pot...my families lineage goes back at least 130 some odd years in this city alone...starting as far back as late 1800's There has always existed interracial relationships between black/whites, Irish/black, Greeks/blacks, Germans/blacks as well as Italian/black and some but not limited to Asians/black this was due to migrations from other countries to New Orleans...that's doesn't make us so unique, but this is something that will never change in the foreseeable future. I definitely love this about my city...and I also think that is what attracts so many people here and make them want to put down roots. I love seeing interracial couples together...I was taught by both my parents Mother from rural Mississippi, and father creole caribbean half spanish/french,(great great great grand parents came from San Dominque) now Haitti, the world is more than we know, if you limit yourself..you'll never experience what true love is...you have to be open and willing to not just explore but indulge yourself...No one knows who they may fall in love with, and it might not be the person of your own ethnic background..So if it feels right and you are being treated with respect and love...then go far it. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. While I can support black on black relationships..I also have my God given right to choose that person who makes me happy..because those who claim to know God and understand him fully, I have these words for you He that does not love has not come to know God, because God is Love. 1John 4:8 He is also impartial...so what does that make those who oppose interracial relationships? I choose to be the beautiful voluptuous black female that I am and to give and received love unconditionally to whomever makes me happy.. really...It doesn't get that serious! We love because it is the only true and valid form of expression. Holla!

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  7.   nil says:
    Posted: 16 Jun 12

    Good news! The creator has planned to eliminate this existing race,meaning black, white, and browns. A newer human race consist of blue, purple, grey, green, marve, royal blue will be created , dumb but not deaf, all will have bald head, no nose just the holes, no butts or breast. The creator feels that this will elinimate racism, insecurity, ignnorance and hatred. This is an experiment to see if human beings will emancipate themselves from mental slavery and ignorance towards each other. The good news that all will be blind.... Lol

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  8.   devnull says:
    Posted: 15 Jun 12

    I think a lot of the media hype especially in America where they have mastered the art of blowing everything out of proportion. Personally I have no problem with interracial relationships whatever the mix. What si comical is when you see men and women of any race who date, play or even married to people of other races making comments. I often asked where these cretins cursed at birth. A BW who was close to marrying a nice white guy called it off when she overhead him saying he likes BW but hates BM..I mean WTF. I have some of black friends men and women ask em what are you doing with that white girl yet I know they secretly have dated other races. One needs to be bloody single minded to embark on an interracial relationship. I like BW and I have never been brainwashed by the stereotype depicted by the media about black women. White or black I always look at their character and how comfortable I am with them.

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  9.   Reesky says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 12

    You know what? It's all about who is treating you as you should be treated. As black women, we remain (to a fault) loyal to black men no matter how poorly they treat us. Sometimes, however, one should play outside of their comfort zone because the world is so vast. It shouldn't depend on color or status - it should depend strictly on the heart. Though there are other issues when dating interracially, it boils down to the two of you and how strong a bond you have. Love is color blind folks. I don't care if he's green. If he adores me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated, then its a wrap. I am pleased to see black women dating outside of our race as it's a sure sign of wholesomeness. I mean, black men do it all the time and PROVIDE a reason for doing so. Remember, black women are too hard and all the rest of that CRAP - the reason black men date outside of their race. Whatever it is though, just keep it real.

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  10.   armenta28 says:
    Posted: 11 Jun 12

    Whenever I would see a black man with a white woman it would make me happy for a few reasons. One of the reasons is that it showed me that humanity is to some extent starting to unite,. Another reason, with absolutely no intent of being a smartass, is that it would leave more single, beautiful, (in every way), ebony women available. In other forums, the topic has been whether or not white men are attracted to black women. I can assure you that this topic needn’t be questioned anymore. White men have always been attracted to black women and why wouldn’t they be. What’s not to like about intelligence, strength of character, maturity, humility, perfect brown complexion and obvious beauty to mention just a few. I would like to emphasize that I think many black women don’t buy into it but it saddens me for those who are buyers of the Euro centric definition of beauty and worthiness. It is 100% bulls- -. I think that it is starting to change but I think that it was more common to see black man/white.woman relationships than black woman/white man relationships. Seeing this made me think that not that many black women were attracted to white men. I knew that some did because I observed these relationships but I honestly did not know until I came onto this site by chance, that the numbers were so large. It really suprised me when I first started reading all of the praise handed out by black women for white men. I kind of thought that many black women viewed white men as being arrogant, narrow minded elitists. I was very happy to see that this wasn’t necessarily the case and that there were lots of black women who are attracted to white men. This illustrates the fact that we all have our insecurities and preconceptions. So if you any have doubts as to your attractiveness to other people, then consider the idea that they may have the exact same feelings about themselves.

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  11.   DeniseK40 says:
    Posted: 10 Jun 12

    It is so sad that black women not only face adversity from people of different races, but also from black men. I know there are a lot of people out there that support interacial relationships, but in that same group there are those that consider black women to be the bottom of the barrell. I don't understand it, and I don't like it. As individuals there are some black women that are appreciated in the media (i.e. Oprah, Aretha Franklin, Robin Roberts), but as a whole the media seems to always report on negative things about black women (i.e. having the highest obesity rate, having the highest group with AIDS, setting the worst examples on reality television). Some time last year there was a study done on dating possibilities and which race/gender was the most and least desirable. It was bad enough that black women were considered the least desirable by men of different races, but they were almost equal to white women as most desirable by black men. All the other men of different races at least chose the women of their own race much higher than any others. I find it sad and disheartening that black women aren't given more respect and are seen desireable most times by their body parts rather than ourselves as a whole. I believe that you should love who you want. As long as the feeling is mutual and you aren't breaking any laws. Love is blind and special; and should never be taken for granted.. No one should push it aside simply because others have a problem with it.

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  12.   nika23 says:
    Posted: 10 Jun 12

    I find it crazy that people think a few BW speak for all BW. Some BM call BW traitors for dating interracially and say it's like WM raping BW during slavery even when they date WW. BW are constantly criticized for dating other races and have had BM approach and threaten us and our date/boyfriend/husband etc. because he is of another race. Also we also get the nasty stares from WW that BM complain about getting from BW so it goes both ways. I have even gotten nasty stares from WW while dating Asian men and this has nothing to do with them. Look at the problems with Romeo Must Die. They had to change the end of the movie and not have Aaliyah and Jet Li kiss because white people disapproved. None of the main characters were white, so why should they care? Also when Tyra and Beyonce were on Sports Illustrated WW sent in letters complaining about BW being on the cover of a magazine predominantly read by white men. I don't understand how BW can be blamed for problems caused to interracial couples when our views are often ignored. On youtube there are videos by WW complaining about BW stealing all the good WM, yet there are also amny about WW dating BM. You also see many videos by BM telling men of other races not to date BW, so this is surprising to me that BW are seen as preventing interracial unions. The way I see it we are the ones under attack for dating other races, which is part of why some BW won't date other races. It's always eye opening to see how the media warps things. This is a man's world and the US is a white controlled country so the views of men and the views of whites often trump that of other groups. Unfortunately for BW, we have both racism and sexism against us so our voice is even smaller than that of BM who can at least fit into the man's world. Instead of showing the real truth about BW, a snippet may be shown or in many cases made up by others. Very sad indeed!

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  13.   msmuffin says:
    Posted: 05 Jun 12

    It's amazing to me how the media can generalize the feelings of a Black race of women based on the comments of a few. I personally feel that if GOD intended for races not to intermingle, he wouldn't have created many races. There are more important issues in the world that could be discussed or worked on, besides worrying about who's dating who. From one woman who dates interracially, I see no problem with it, but I would greatly appreciate it if we could stop being put in a generalized category. We should all be in the pursuit of happiness and if that consists of loving someone outside your race, then so be it.... :-)

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    • lotstogive says:
      Posted: 07 Jun 12

      This lady is right, and I don't feel race/color, age or distance should affect real love. I am here to find my other half and if other people are not happy about it, so what. If I find her her and she wants me then I will treat her like a queen and be pround to be seen walking around holding hands or with my arm around her, plus I won't hold back from giving her a kiss. a kiss that says I love you, but does not make people to say get a room. I would be seen with her anywhere, anytime. Jim

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