The Issue of Dating Someone with a Kid

Posted by Darci, 02 Jul

If you are considering dating someone with a kid, you need to realize that much as it can be fascinating, especially if you are into kids, it can also be very tricky. This has always been quite a complicated subject especially if you have people around you who worry about your choice of dating someone with a child.

Much as the decision ultimately lies with you, read on as we explore some of the things that you need to be aware of and be prepared to handle them in case they arise.

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What should you consider before dating someone with a child

Is the relationship casual or a long-term relationship?

Most people dating with children take their time before letting someone in. So chances are maybe this person you have met just wants a fling and prefers to keep the relationship away from the kid. In that case, if you are both in agreement then the relationship shouldn't be an issue. If on the other hand, this person dating with kids wants something more serious, then you will have lots of things to consider.

Do you want or love children?

When people, especially if its a woman says they don't want to ever have children, people always find it weird. Well, not every person is born with the parent genes. The thing is, wanting to bear children of your own and loving children are two different things.

So if you are wondering whether dating someone with a kid is something you should go ahead with, I will first ask, do you love kids? Do you want kids around you? If the relationship is casual as mentioned above, then being in relationship with someone who has a child won't be such a big deal. You can schedule to have your dates when the child is not around.

If it is to get serious, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to raise someone else's kids. The thing is when things start getting serious, you will have to meet your partner's child at some point... probably even live together under the same roof. Can you be a parent to the child?

Don't expect to be number 1

I am not saying that you will never be number 1 when you are dating someone with kids. All I am cautioning you is not to expect to be number one because you may never be. The thing is, all this will depend on the kind of relationship that this man or woman you are dating has with the kid. If your new crush has a close relationship with the child or it so happens that he or she is the one living with the child at home, forget about getting 100% of their attention. Expect that child to always come before you.

However, being in relationship with someone who has a child doesn't necessarily mean that you will be neglected. The plus side of this person putting the needs of the child first just shows how dependable and caring they are. So if you are not the needy, attention-seeking kind of person, then you shouldn't have any problem with such dynamics of the relationship if or when they arise.

Kids require time and energy

So you have met this incredible person. You are even toying with the idea that you will love that kid like your own. Well, before you jump into that relationship, hear this...  Kids take a lot of energy. So if you are planning on dating someone with a kid you will be forced to make some sacrifices whenever the kid is involved. If the relationship is supposed to work, then be prepared to do the work and embrace that child as your own.  When dating people with kids you actually might find yourself having to be committed to both your partner and the family. Are you ready? Imagine dating a woman with 2 kids. Are you prepared to make sacrifices for them too? If the parenting gene isn't in you, I foresee trouble.

Can you acknowledge and accept their routines and traditions?

As a person who doesn't have kids of their own, dating someone with kids means that you need to realize that this person had a life before they met you. And this life revolved around the kid or kids. At some point, they probably were a family. And even if he or she is a single parent, that little family was accustomed to a particular way of doing things.

For instance, you can't be the kind of boyfriend who expects the woman dating with children to sacrifice the son's soccer game just to go partying with you. These are some of the sacrifices I was talking about. You need to be able to acknowledge and accept their routines. Unless the woman is a deadbeat mother, then expect that child always come before you.

The thing is if you start disrupting the lives of people dating with kids and then it so happens that the relationship with the kids goes sour, you will be blamed for it. Plus this is a one-way ticket to making the kids despise you. So if you are planning to have something long term with this single parent, then respect the traditions that you found this family practice. It might be hard but take your time and ease yourself into the equation politely

Is the kid ready for their parent's new relationship?

When dating people with kids, this is something that needs to handled with care. Well, it will all depend on the type of kid involved. Some kids can be very angry when they meet the new man or woman. This is because they feel that their father or mother is being replaced.

When dating someone with a kid it is important before you even rush into anything serious or meeting the kid to find out if this person you dating has ever dated someone before you came along. Ask him or her how the kid feels about his or her dating. If there is an issue, then figure out how to tackle it as mature adults before you get too involved. Or you will end with a broken heart.

Wondering what dating someone with kids pro and cons are? Read more single parent dating advice on Love is All Colors.

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