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Poll: Why does he maintain a "still searching" dating profile?

Posted by James, 10 Mar

active dating profileYou meet this person on a dating website. Things are going really well. But as days go by, you realize that this person you are so head over hills in love with... this person who keeps promising you the world, still has an active online dating profile. And the status: AVAILABLE!!!

Its not entirely a guy thing but most men for some reason maintain their online dating profiles even after finding love and being in a serious relationship. And when confronted by their spouses, these men usually come up with some lame excuses as to why this is so. Some even go to the extent of trying to explain why they need to have those profiles up.

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But why would someone have a profile that clearly advertises to all singles that they are “still searching” if they really consider themselves to be in a serious relationship? What would someone in a relationship have been doing on a singles site say the-last-one-hour?

In a bid to try and find out why, we ran a poll on this blog site. Going by the poll results, 39% of the participating members felt the person is not taking the relationship seriously where as 36% felt the person is probably keeping their options open in case the relationship failed. 15% went with: the person is definitely cheating, 5% went with: the person just wants to flirt and 5% gave them the benefit of doubt of having forgotten to pull down their profile.

When you find yourself in such a situation, much as the person is not actually cheating, I think one should acknowledge there is a problem. Bottom line, if your spouse actually does logs in, then he/she is keeping their options open and is not taking the relationship as seriously as they ought to. Personally, the only reason I’d have for maintaining an active profile - one that I pay for - is to meet women.

Looking at the reasons as per the poll, the only reason that you can build a long-term relationship on is: having forgotten to pull the profile down. The rest don't provide a conducive environment.

So what should one do in such a situation?

It is safe to brace yourself for the possibility that you are the only one who is in a serious relationship. Maybe this person isn’t as committed as you think. But if you ask me, one way or the other, this is a sign of disrespect. Much as some may consider this petty, I think you are well within your rights to ask them why its still active and ask them to pull it down.

And if this person doesn’t get the point, then I think it is high time you activated your profile as well until you find yourself someone who treats you with the respect and honor you deserve.

That’s just me! Do you think dwelling over an active profile is petty? Let’s hear it…

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9 responses to "Poll: Why does he maintain a "still searching" dating profile?"

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  1.   AngelusFury says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 11

    notice that not too many guys responded to this blog.........;-) These views do not entirely represent the male species..but it should

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  2.   SugahRush says:
    Posted: 06 Apr 11

    Mychal67, your eloquence and elocution is beautiful and touching. You and Eve3000 are so true--the profile is NOT a deal maker or breaker in anyway when two people are in tandem with regards to intentions, expectations and etc. Knowing human nature like I do, I'm sure that your lady will not only follow your lead in the "profile announcement" but will probably invite you to co-host a "profile deletion party"! ( I need to patent that idea, huh?) Your woman is blessed to have found you! It's my prayer that she is "sweeter'n Sugah" and I wish you both a long, blessed life together! <3<3 the SugahRush

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  3.   Mazc says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 11

    @ mychal67 aww aint that sweet. I think if there's mutual understanding and both sides are genuine an active profile is not an issue. But If two people don't have this then 'just not that into you' would apply lol. Plus it's hard to find the right person or ones you feel you actually connect with and feel something special or different with. I've had over 100,000 views on here and countless e-mails/flirts but not even 2% caught my attention.. And I'm not even fussy lol. Just know what I want

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  4.   eve3000 says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 11

    Clearly, I don't believe it to be a negative for male or female to keep their profiles online. I have met several men that I adore and I feel the same admiration from them. It does not bother me that any of us are still online simply because we still continue to correspond to each other onsite each day. Many profiles state they are looking for short term, long term relationships or pen pals. Thats what they say and moreover thats what they mean. Some of the profiles will clearly state they are looking for a wife or husband.......but you don't see that as often. I have had over 5000 hits on this site and of course cannot respond to all, but have chosen maybe 12 that I chose to chat with. I have personally met a few and loved the experience. You must meet in person in all fairness to both parties. If you feel the spark when you meet, you will know it she or he is the one. Just because a person keeps the profile up onsite, does not negate from the relationship. Sometimes you may want to add photos or something of that nature. The site is not expensive and is probably money well spent. Real love will tug at your heart and give you some sleepless nights. Don't let something as trivial as a profile staying onsite bother you. Just love the person you've found and get on with it. I personally would not take my profile down until I was married to the special someone. Anything can happen doing the courting period. Any person nagging about a profile continuing to be online has some kind of insecurity issue. Thats something you might consider before getting hooked up with them.

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    • Mychal67 says:
      Posted: 22 Mar 11

      Very well stated Eve3000. As you say, just because a person keeps their profile availible does not negate the relationship. I have found sonmeone on this site, and it is going so well there is no doubt in either of our minds there is a serious possibility for a life long romance. I have displayed my affections on my profile, as it was my choice to do so. She has chosen not to, which is fine with me. We have the love, and we have the strengh of that love that proves that bond is unbreakable. We will continue to explore and grow, and the profile, or its status has no influence over that. I appreciate your articulation of this point, and I thank you for it.

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  5.   Ebongoddess5 says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 11

    I think it's hard for some women to come to identify.or pick up hues that the relationship is not working. As for the guys, they should have enough courage to let her know it's not working and you would like to continue your search.

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  6.   mazc says:
    Posted: 18 Mar 11

    this should be added to the he's just not that into you book LOL. Some women need to get a clue. The last reason, 5% just to flirt would probably apply to insecure men. Keeping it active whle dating for a long period of time for an ego boost could only suggest one needs to work on themselves and self esteem. While it is important to have freedom and independence but if someone can not commit to a relationship and need verification and elsewhere this could imply a lack in an emotional connection, for someone to not fully go the whole way and give the relationship a try with out the need to fill some void.

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  7.   mojofit says:
    Posted: 12 Mar 11

    Or he could be a cereal dater, which I've just encountered. I met someone led made me to believe we were in love. When in reality he was meeting other women on a weekly basis. He made a statement like "thank God I don't ever have to look at another woman again". Meanwhile he was plotting his next move...That's down right sad!

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  8.   EarthAngel3 says:
    Posted: 11 Mar 11

    That is a serious recognition of I'm just not into you!

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