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I have a thing for...

Posted by James, 25 Apr

This is a line we hear so often from people who date interracially and date exclusively within a certain race. Take me for example: White dude exclusively dating Asian women then someone asks me why I go: "I have a thing for Asian women". Does that statement mean I have a fetish for Asian women? Does it mean I objectify Asian women?

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In a recent song "Black Girls" by Chester French, an indie pop band, the song starts off with a declaration "This ain't no fetish, ain’t objectifying no one" and then goes to say in the chorus: "I've got a thing for Black Girls". However, one ReBecca Theodore-Vachon feels that those two statements are contradictory. She feels saying you 'have a thing for' "is indeed objectification" because "you strip" that particular race of women of their "individuality and expect [them] to fulfill certain sexual fetishes based on tired stereotypes" of their female sexuality.

Much as the video is about gay interracial dating – a White woman declaring she has a thing for Black girls ReBecca continues to say: "… any white guy who proclaims he has a 'thing for black girls' isn’t looking for any real or serious emotional connection, i.e. don’t expect to meet his parents anytime soon."

What do you make of that statement? Do you think someone who claims to have a thing for women (or men) of a particular is just dating interracially solely to satisfy some 'fetish' and doesn't really care about their individuality or being in a serious relationship?

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11 responses to "I have a thing for..."

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  1.   427skies says:
    Posted: 05 Jul 12

    I pretty much date everyone but Black and White Americans. I don't know, I'm so used to them and I would rather experience something new. Blacks and Whites from other countries (or who's family/parents) are from other countries are more interesting to me. All of my exes except one were either from Africa, or an Caribbean/West Indian island (one Somali/Egyptian guy). I am talking to a guy now and he's from Guyana. I don't know, I think it's the other cultures and accents that interests me. I am an International Studies major after all. Haha.

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  2.   Lovecherry says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 12

    I really don't see why people make a big deal about dating out of your race. I started noticing that i was leaning towards other races in 5th grade and i was scared as hell, because i did not want black people to think i was a traitor for dating a white boy. I was a new student and new to the country as well, although the language barrier did not do us any justice. He still wanted to be my friend because he noticed that no one else wanted to be my friend, from that day forward i grew to love him as a friend and classmate. I did not care about the fact that he was white, blonde hair, blue eyes i just know that i wanted to feel that same feeling again and more, more i was becoming attracted to the white complexion and now i want and looking for a good white man. :} i really do not care about what others think or say if i love him and he loves me, that's all that matters....i have 2 mixed nephews so i'm glad my parents do not make a big deal about it because i warned them before it happens.

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  3.   justmike14 says:
    Posted: 28 May 12

    Speaking solely for myself. I kinda have a reverse to this. After spending 30yrs. of my life dating and being married to white women. I honestly can say I can't stand them anymore,. I've seen all the sneakiness,dishonesty,backstabbing, that I can stand. And along with it came the silent treatment, always saying nothing was wrong when I knew their was something up. And from my observations it seems to be instilled in most of them at birth-LOL I have found it refreshing that women of a couple different races other then my own are able to speak their mind, don't hide their feeling near as much, if ever. This with being outgoing, having great sense of humor and being able to banter back and forthwith someone is great as I tend to be somewhat sarcastic. I like a women who makes me feel that she is an upfront woman, is independent, and doesn't need me but prefers to include me in her life And these attributes I find more then not, in black women. And that's not even touching on the physical beauty that goes along with it. So do you consider the way I feel a "fetish" I don't peace Mike

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  4.   Debora15 says:
    Posted: 13 May 12

    I agree with NOPLAYER.... as he said, in order to have a thing for black/asian/Latin/ white men or women, you need to have the experience of sharing with them... Many men have heard from others that black women are hotter/ sexier/ better in bed... But I think that depends on each and everyone of us.... Believe me, I have dated white men and yes, I feel more attracted to them but hey if the guy is not worth my precious feelings I'll leave it just like that... In the end the most important thing here is the person itself and not any race/color!

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  5.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 05 May 12

    IMO - I think you have to have some kind of exposure or experience with a person from another ethnic group before you can claim to have " a thing for them" because it's hard to have a thing for something thats unfamiliar. Example, after hanging out with or dating someone from a particular ethnic group then you could say yeah " I have a thing for" women or men from this or that group because anything other than that would be based on assumptions, perceptions and someone elses opinion based on their experiences and not your own. All ethnic groups have that something thats special and unique about them that may be attractive to some and a turn-off for others when it comes to romance. Sexual fetishes are built around some type of idea or expectation you may have for another member of the human family and 99.9% of the times these fetishes are the result of propaganda, porn or someone elses idealization of the women or men from another ethnic group. If you experience for yourself first hand and as a result develope a preference for or even a sexual fetish for someone from another group then it's based off of YOUR OWN experiences and not someone elses. In closing, at the end of the day it's all about finding what works out for you because "if it's not working for you it's working against you!!!!!!!!!!!!!" DO YOU!

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  6.   callalily9 says:
    Posted: 30 Apr 12

    cont. Don't get me wrong. I'm open to dating other races including white men, but I can't help to be a little cautious.

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  7.   callalily9 says:
    Posted: 30 Apr 12

    There is an app that I use from time to time just to chat with people. I have more white men that say hello to me than black men. From the ones that say they've never dated a black woman also state that they have a thing for black women. For example, one guy told me it's our complexion and another stated it was that he heard black women were better in bed. So I feel that when a man says he has "a thing" for a woman of another race it is some sort of fetish that he has. That's what makes me leery about dating a white guy. What are his true intentions? Is he interested in me because I have the qualities he's looking for in a woman or is he just trying to fulfill some sort of fantasy?

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    • Honssolo says:
      Posted: 07 May 12

      Never heard the black women were better in bed one :-). I have found that looking through some elses perspective on day to day things the most enlightening and satisfying in a interracial relationship. Im sure the some may say fetish as an negative and to rationalize avoiding other people that are out of your comfort zone.

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  8.   LaFemmeNoir says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 12

    When did having a fetish become so unnatural? Some black women need to hop off of that high horse. Just because someone has a race, or skin fetish (sexually aroused by race, or skin color) doesn't mean they like race-play (i.e., a white man roleplaying as a slave master, with black slaves). Very big difference, and It is very irresponsible to remain ignorant when discussing these types of subjects. Im turned on by white skin, but that doesnt mean i m stripping white men of their individuality. It means i like white men. If men dont want to introduce a woman to his parents, than there is a bigger issue t hand. But I suppose not all women are made equal. Blog about that.

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    • reese says:
      Posted: 01 May 12

      I don't think that it is necessary true that them saying they have a thing for a particular race means that it is just sexual. I am sure that is the case for some of them, but not all. Is it different if women say it I wonder because I couldn't help but notice that the article is about men who say I have a thing for.............. Or is the thought that all women are looking for marriage because some are not?

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  9.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 12

    first of all whitemale/asian female is fine nothing wrong with that.asian women are attractive i have some admiration for them myself,along with other races of women. all forms of interracial dating i accept. im a black guy who loves women of different races.my family so called gave me a hard time over it which is why i dont talk with them now. i have a niece and if she wanted to date outside her race id accept.you know why? because im better than my foolish aunts were with me.im colorblind.

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