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Has our attitude towards interracial relationships really changed?

Posted by James, 23 Nov

We usually like to convince our selves that racial discrimination does not exist. But if you really want to know the truth about all this, try bringing up the subject of interracial dating – and not on an interracial dating blog platform.

So we say that race relations have come a long way … this may be true. But if you look at the romantic side of things, then I think we are slacking. The other day, I was going through this blog where the author says she will not change her stance on interracial dating. The blog went:

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“I’ve never denied not being just a little racist. I’m sure it lies within me somewhere, as I believe it lies within all people … I just believe to deny the fact that there is more than the simple notion that “love is blind᾿ when it comes to relationships makes me cringe. I do believe that Black men who have Black mothers and choose not to love a Black woman and bestow upon their children a Black mother suffer with some sort of self hatred. Racism is still alive.᾿

It is statements like these make me wonder if we really have changed.

Sometimes our parents claim that they love all races but try bringing a woman or man of another race from college … don’t be shocked at the face of disgust and a feeling of betrayal that they will wear. And of course there are those that truly don’t care about race but there we have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings that do care. And then there is society.

When you ask people whether they are racist, they will always say no. But when you ask them if they can date someone from a different race, that is when you realize that somehow, deep down people still have racial traces embedded in them. Or is it preference?

Our attitude has changed as polls and surveys say. But why is it that the number of actual interracial marriages doesn’t reflect the attitudes we portray in surveys? Why aren’t the numbers as high as we would expect? Has our attitude really changed or is the media and internet just blowing it out of proportion?

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26 responses to "Has our attitude towards interracial relationships really changed?"

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  1.   Maria says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 10

    I am a Black American female involved in a potentially serious relationship with a white German man. We enjoy being together very much. Our biggest barrier is language. Perhaps, We may be so into our time together that we, or least, I am blind, but I don't see or feel discrimination when we are together. We haven't experienced any situations that would fall into the category of being treated in a fashion I would associate with prejudice or discrimination. I was previously married to a white man in 1980's - that was a totally different story. I lived in Minnesota and now live in Arizona I believe times have changed and perhaps were one lives makes a difference also. I don't doubt that some couples have and will experience some form of discrimination because a small mind doesn't understand you love who you love.

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  2.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 10

    Of course the attitudes of society at large toward interracial relationships has changed. It has been slooooow but inexorable progress. Some individuals still have steel traps but they are not in the majority.

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  3.   paula99 says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 10

    to the girl with the korean boyfriend. look some cultures as you know are funny. and it is sad. korean women have marrid black military men for years he say that to say what. that pisses me off. i get angry and hiper sometimes.. when people talk out the side of their necks.. see these estate children honey i been there it hurts like hell. because someone is going to get cut off from daddy income. fuck daddy. !! if i have a college education. and have a good career . daddy can kiss my ass see we develop to much codependency issues with our parents. some have been so indoctrinated by most of the time the bullshit that was passed on to their parents and was unhappy as shit.. if you love him and he loves you go for it . tell daddy come and see me i have a few things to tell him in chinese!!

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  4.   paula99 says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 10

    people go on so much about race i date whitemen. because i want to not all are my cup of tea. most men cannot handle because of superioty issues . what is the boss going to think ?. my family see i stay away from men who are not well rounded who is scared of taking a chance . i been rejected by blackmen , whitemen. but guess what most did me a favor by getting the hell out of my face. they just make a hole for another man to come into my life that i need not want? there is a difference. i do not go by my wants any more that landed me in jail. of the mind. so growing over the years and had to put up with a lot of bullshit. when you are a woman who has power and assertive they find it threating. see it takes a strong man to deal with a character like me. i know what is best.

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  5.   paula99 says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 10

    hell to the know interacial relationships does not change see let me tell you something i might be older than most of you on here . at 52 yrs. yes it is more white men. but not that many. are dating black women. i had conversations with so many people on this topic . you are in north america. it is stuck on stupid. people fear what they do not understand. number one a lot of people are spirtually dead when you are spiritually def. as i call it. you are locked into learned behavior. but to put someone down because they have biracial children is wrong.!! plain stupid and wrong.hell i have white in my family my damn grandmother was cherokee and irish mixed. she was lighter than snow. but i love her. god rest her soul.. the northwest?.. where? life is what you make it everyone is hung up on who got what . race look at halle berry. yada yada yada. no wonder our kids is confused. diversity should be taught as a ciruculum in school. because the parents are the ones because they had some bad experience and stuck on stupid they brain wash their kids to hate. and it is a damn shame. you only know what your taught. stupid is as stupid does.. "Forrest Gump".

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  6.   hecticmomof5 says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 10

    I am a mom of 5 mixed children. I am white and my husband is black. My friends all have many mixed children like I do. Including my friend whom she is black and her husband is white. My kids call themselves black; and not white. They said they feel closer to the African American side of their culture rather than the Caucasian side. My little ones say they are brown. I have 4 girls and one son. 16 girl, 12 girl, 7 girl, 5 boy, and 3 girl. My youngest one is as dark as her daddy is. She is a dark caramel color. I see people look my way when I am out and about with all my kids. We live in the Portland/Vancouver area and it is more common here to see bi-racial couples. Where we live mixed children are more common than one race alone. There are quite a few mixed with White and Mexican too. So, here in my home town I feel comfortable. But when we go on vacation, that is when I get the most looks. I will see people nodding their heads counting how many kids I have when they see me. I always have more than just mine too. My god children are all mixed too, my friends kids are all mixed as well, or neighbor kids. Racism is not dead at all. I had a run in with a new neighbor recently. He told me that it is people like me that has made the world come to what it is. I do not know what he meant by that but our President is Mixed and he is going much better than anyone I know personally. So, being mixed I cannot say is so bad. Especially if you live in the Great Northwest!

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  7.   wonka says:
    Posted: 06 Mar 10

    Mine hasn't,it's OVERRATED!!.

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  8.   wonka says:
    Posted: 28 Feb 10

    It SUCKS!!

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  9.   wonka says:
    Posted: 28 Feb 10

    Well it goes back to topic of dating outside of ones race,in some cases it's exceptable in other cases it's not.That's the kind of world we live in.The father is a hippocrite too,his wife is korean,I mean give me a freakin break,he's Irish/Italian and I guess he's forgotten about his ancesters past and what they went through to be excepted in society.My father is Irish-American himself and if he read this he'd be pissed,ya see alot of people who are Racist/ prejudiced know about the history of what their people went through when they came to this country. However,because they have been excepted into society they use it as a means to S#&* on other people who are not of that race or who'm they feel should NOT be excepted into society.I sucks,but,Irish and Italians have ALOT of prejudice in them believe me I know,they act funny towards blacks and in most cases hispanics(among others)it's a way of making themselves feel better because they actually know about their ancestors past.Many of them stereotype, but,correct me if I'm wrong,if there's any group of people who are stereotyped,it's the Irish and Italians.I guess they see it more as a pride thing then anythingelse,PLEASE give me a freakin break most of them are a bunch of WANNABES anyway!.

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  10.   Member says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 09

    I am a female of mixed ethnicity, African American, English and Scottish, and I am also the second generation of American citizens. I have a boyfriend that I intend to marry one day that is also Multi-racial, he is half Korean and a quarter Italian and Irish. Most recently his father, who is Italian and Irish looked me up online, because I am an athlete and am very involved at my university, and told him to break up with me from the pictures he saw of me online. I do have darker skin than many other people but I do not portray myself in any type of ill manner and have a good head on my shoulders. With that being said my boyfriend was still told to break up with me and if he should not then he will be cut off from his family financially and kicked out of the house. I thought this was cruel and hypocritical because his mother is a korean immigrant; and his mother and father are still together. I never thought that such a thing would ever happen to me because I was raised to be open minded, accepting and tolerant of others. Apparently, times have not changed as much as I thought they had. Apparently it is okay to be multi-racial in the minds of some...but unacceptable to be mixed with Black. That is okay, because my boyfriend has not broken up with me. We are still together and weathering the storm. This is why I love him, because he loves me for me.

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  11.   GETOVERIT says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    Im still trying to figure out why it matters who dates who and if whos attracted to who. AT THE END OF THE DAY WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND ALL GODS CHILDREN! YOU DONT FALL IN LOVE WITH THE COLOR OF SOMES SKIN THE TEXTURE OF THE HAIR THEY HAVE! YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH WHOM THAT PERSON IS!!! WE WILL NEVER OVER COME RACISM WITH WEBSITES LIKE THIS. BLACK WHITE BLACK WHITE IS ALL PEOPLE EVER SEE. GET OVER IT!

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  12.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    Please disregard (several) earlier posts due to typos...they need to invest in editing software so we can make corrections, no one is always perfect... Comment by pt100m on 1 December 2008: Why do you think someone of mixed race suffers from fewer dating options?! Why would you devalue someone because they are bi-racial? Do you devalue Obama? …due to a lack of representation in pop culture. (Bi-racial) males are especially underrepresented through the media AND intuitively culture learns to do “culture” through social networks such as the media whether we acknowledge this fact or not. No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising, the more consistency present a product---as in is placed in the viewer’s eyeshot---the higher the greater its recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D’s make many of us slap happy! Get it? In other words, if a bi-racial male isn't seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual option for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment within the mating game because of the lack of reference frame available to prospective mates; that equates to fewer dating options! Obama? He is referred to as the first African-American or Black President and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument made in this article. In spite of it all Obama succeeded---one first generation bi-racial man among probably millions who may be equally successful in their own right but underacknowledged or publically seen. Obama and his entire family are honorable yet the media emphasized “First Black President.” Did Obama’s mom play any role in his birth? How about his black and white grandparents? Is there a double standard here? It might be difficult for some folks to understand his relationship to his biological mother because she tends to be dismissed by many. It is arguable, but probable that much of America devalues or at least overlooks Obama’s bi-racial heritage and that’s my point…Bi-racial males have little to no representation and where there is no representation, there is little to no frame of reference for relating to those from diverse backgrounds. Thus, how far has America tossed Jim Crow, really? Please forgive the typos and heed the message. LikShot and Much Luv...From a proud Bi-racial Dude.

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  13.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    …due to a lack of representation in pop culture. Males are especially underrepresented through the media. Intuitively culture learns to do “culture” through social networks such as the media whethter we acknowledge this fact or not. No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising the more consistencly present a product is placed in the the viewer’s eyeshot, the higher the and greater the recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D’s make some many of us slap happy! In other words, if bi-racial males ain’t seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual options for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment because of the lack of reference frame—that equates to fewer dating options. Obama? He is referred to as the first Africa-American of Black president and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument for lack of representation spoke about in the article. Obama and his family are honorable, but again as the media empasized “First Black President” it might be difficult for some to understand his relationship to his biological mother. America devalues or at least overlooks Obama’s bi-racial heritage. Hello Jim Crow?!

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  14.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    You are making a generalization with the statement below: You stated in your post: "Why would you devalue someone because they are bi-racial?" There is no point or comment made in either of my posts that posit that I devalue bi-racial people? Choose words wisely and refrain from an ad hominem approach and generalizations without evidence. Much Respect and overstanding...

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  15.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    ...due to a lack of representation in pop culture. Males are especially underrepresented through the media. Intuitively culture learns to do "culture" through social networks such as the media whethter we acknowledge this fact or not. No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising the more consistencly present a product is placed in the the viewer's eyeshot, the higher the and greater the recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D's make some many of us slap happy! In other words, if bi-racial males ain't seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual options for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment because of the lack of reference frame---that equates to fewer dating options. Obama? He is referred to as the first Africa-American of Black president and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument for lack of representation spoke about in the article. Obama and his family are honorable, but again as the media empasized "First Black President" it might be difficult for some to understand his relationship to his biological mother. America devalues or at least overlooks Obama's bi-racial heritage. Hello Jim Crow?

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  16.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 08

    ...due to a lack of representation in pop culture. Males are especially underrepresented through the media. Intuitively culture learns to do "culture" through social networks such as the media whethter we acknowledge this fact or not. No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising the more consistencly present a product is placed in the the viewer's eyeshot, the higher the and greater the recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D's make some many of us slap happy! In other words, if bi-racial males ain't seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual options for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment because of the lack of reference frame---that equates to fewer dating options. Obama? He is referred to as the first Africa-American of Black president and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument for lack of representation spoke about in the article. Obama and his family are honorable, but again as the media empasized "First Black President" it might be difficult for some to understand his relationship to his biological mother. America devalues or at least overlooks Obama's bi-racial heritage. Hello Jim Crow...

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  17.   pt100m says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 08

    desz, Why do you think someone of mixed race suffers from fewer dating options?! Why would you devalue someone because they are bi-racial? Do you devalue Obama?

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  18.   LKNGirl says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 08

    I live in the south. I wish attitudes would change, but unfortunately not. I'm a black woman that dates outside of my race. When I do meet a white man that is interested in dating me he seems to be very uncomfortable taking me out in public. Then there's my fantasy theory where I believe there are some white men in the south that are only looking to fulfill their fantasy of having sex with black women. It's disappointing to get more attention, even on this site, from men from across the country than in my own area. Maybe I should pack up my little doggies and move.

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  19.   poetlove says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 08

    blackeloquent, well put you find it often if you have white friends tell them you're going to an African heritage festival. There are some that will be interested in knowing, others will cringe like why you going to that. I don't find it racist if you want to date within in your own. I am good friends with a few white people females included. But I love black women, tried to date a white girl once, didn't work for me. I performed a poem dedicated black women she said it was harsh. It's a two sidedness to the universal love thing. You can love universally but not your own. That's insane thinking I'm not a racist because I love what I came from. A black woman

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  20.   blackeloquent says:
    Posted: 15 Apr 08

    Peace & Greetings, As a woman of African descent, I am disturbed by the fact that people identify an individual as a racist merly because they choose to date and marry in their own racial or ethnic group and are opposed to doing so in other groups. Surely if an individual can show prefernce toward another group other than their own and not be considered racist, surely someone can have that same preference within a group. I believe that we have become so sensitive to the race issues in our country that now people can hardly celebrate the rich history, legacy, and cultural diversity within their own group without having to apologize for it. I am not interested in marrying outside of my race not because I hate other races but because I love my own. I believe it is perfectly healthy to support your lineage, heritage, and traditions of your own culture without people considering it hatred. Furthermore, on the flip side, internal racism in groups exists as well. Everyone who joins another race may not be doing it for harmonius reasons. Some people reject the men and women of their own race, and in my opinion, that clearly does not make the world a better place. You can accept, appreciate, respect, other groups and clearly you don't have to join them to do so. More importantly, marrying other races does not exempt you from racism,both internal or external. Lastly, we should understand that many people get together for many reasons and we should not assume that interracial couples have a color blind heart and a higher level of acceptance of races, for no one knows why any 2 people get together. For some, it is because they reject their own and deem another group as superior to their own. Both ethnocentricsm and racism can go both ways. We need to celebrate and embrace ourselves and heal from self-hatred and then we can embrace and respect other races. I love my color and want all chidren to know, that it doesn't have to be mixed to be accepted. This is not a time to be colorblind, it time to see! peace, blackeloquent

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  21.   Jasmine says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 08

    I think that racism is very much alive but I also think that its gradually lessening. I personally have no reservations about other races or interracial dating. I'm a white girl and honestly, I find myself attracted to blacks and asians. If in the future I'm in love with someone of a different race, I'll marry them regardless of what ANYONE thinks. To me, it shouldn't matter what people think. Why should you sacrifice your happiness because someone else is uncomfortable with it?

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  22.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 08

    desz Says: desz Says: Got it! Sorry for the severe typos earlier... It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating and who is attracted to them considering bi-racials are rarely represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity? The scarce representation, especially of classic bi-racial males, tends to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial groups.

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  23.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 08

    desz Says: It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating and who is attracted to them considering bi-racials are rarely represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity? The scarce representation, especially of classic bi-racial males, tends to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial males.

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  24.   desz says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 08

    It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions...how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating, who is attracted to them since they really aren't represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity? The scarce representation especially of classic bi-racial males tend to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial males do.

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  25.   Salome says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 07

    I don’t think that attitudes have changed; I think that they just went undercover. People have just chosen not to talk about issues of race anymore. People are complacent. But you’re right. I think that more people are willing to date outside their race but are pickier about it. For example, I’ve known some men (Black, White, Asian) who will not consider dating a woman outside of their race unless her looks or personality are so undeniable that you just have to go for it (i.e. she’d be totally out of their league even in their own race). I know a lot of women who are that way too. Also, there was a show done on ABC (one of those John Stossel reports) right around the time that the book Freakonomics came out (2006). They touched on the same topic. The results were basically the same as the one stated above. Here’s a link to the show: http://stosselintheclassroom.org/top_educ_titles.html. Scroll down and click on Freakonomics. Also, for a wrap up on the juicier parts of the show (as it relates to dating) then see this blog: http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/2006/04/freakonomics-cost-of-interracial.html. It’s pretty much what I remember from the show.

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  26.   jayzgurl says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 07

    I am an african american female dating a caucasian male. We know that even the slightest hints of racism are instilled in everyone. Whether it be the looks of surprise when my boyfriend grabs my hand in public or the awkward pause when I told the car salesman to let me get my boyfriend. We've seen the obvious shock and awe and the not-so-obvious gasps and pearl clutches. Thankfully, we're secure and it only makes our bond stronger...us against the world!!! To answer the question, hell yeah racism is alive! There's no exaggeration. Whether it's done on purpose or not. When me and my boyfriend got together, I was waiting for the N word to come up (I knew he HAD to think of me that way even if he didn't say it...) in our first fight because he was gonna be every kind "cracker" I could think of!! But it didn't and it hasn't and it's been 3 years. I had to lower my defenses because I thought that's what ALL other ethnicities thought "secretly" that this is what black people are. I've had to stop being that way. It's unfair. I can't take my fear of being hurt by a word and justify hurting someone I love by doing the same.

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