Do you identify as a demisexual?

Posted by James, 05 May


Could you be a demisexual? Do you find difficulty in feeling sexual attraction to someone you're not friends with? If so, then maybe you are. Being demisexual means different things to different people, depending on their experiences. Here are several signs to know if you identify as so.

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You notice that the culture you live in is very sexually-charged, and you tend to feel a bit alienated.

If you feel grossed out when people date just for the attention or experience, then you probably are a demisexual. While you can generally tell on a first date whether or not you'd want to be friends with someone, it's nearly impossible for a demisexual person to decide whether or not you'd be sexually attracted to them without the element of friendship and trust already in place.

You are aesthetically attracted to certain people’s faces and bodies but rarely interested in them sexually.

A misconception about demisexuals is that they only feel an attraction toward best friends, but the truth is that they feel other kinds of attraction too. You will occasionally see a hot person on the subway and start to sweat. And if you were ever to actively pursue it, chances are the attraction would be gone almost immediately.

You have been called “cold” or “frigid” before in relationships.

These labels are not just inappropriate and offensive, but inaccurate.

While the rest of the world seems to be moaning about how commitment-phobic our generation is, you feel an entirely different kind of pressure. So you tend to focus too much on everything. You nitpick, or you look for cosmic signs. You talk to too many people about it. You may feel you don't want to waste their time or hurt anyone by continuing to date them unless you're sure you're attracted to them. You will find yourself in awkward situations when their feelings went unreciprocated.

You have never experienced “love at first sight”.

You may not have had that magic moment where you first looked into someone’s eyes and knew that it was ‘love,’ you may not have had that initial ‘spark.’ But what you did have was an interest, an interest to get to know this person for who they are on a deeper level than simple first impressions, and this is when you will learn you loved them.

You have great sex.

You became comfortable with one another before being intimate and when you’re comfortable with someone, chances are you’ll have great sex. You’re not worried what you look like at certain angles, or what they think about your body’s imperfections, you know they love you for who you are, and that’s part of what makes your sex life so amazing.

Being demisexual often makes dating “frustrating” because there’s no guarantee that they are going to develop a sexual attraction to that other person at all. In the end, though, you can only do what feels right for you, even when other people project their own feelings and insecurities on your choices.

The romantic world is difficult to navigate, no matter how you feel or don't feel about sex. As a demisexual, the best thing you can do for yourself is to trust your gut and stick to it.

1 responses to "Do you identify as a demisexual?"

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  1.   Sugahrush says:
    Posted: 29 May 17

    This is extremely illuminating!

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