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When you cant quit your marriage

Posted by James, 28 Mar

Making the decision to end a marriage is a hard choice on its own – or so I thought. Now imagine making that decision and not being able to follow it through because you are broke!

Tough economic times are forcing couples to stay together according to divorce attorneys. "With the economy the way it is today and without recovery in sight, people are very concerned about making that move at this time," said family attorney G. Phillip Deeb Jr.

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People are avoiding divorce because they realize it will mean an extra household on the same income. And don’t forget the litigation fees.

Would you stay in a horrendous marriage – a marriage that is totally over - in order to avoid tougher times ahead?

Now this is “For better or for worse” in the literal sense. ;-)

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17 responses to "When you cant quit your marriage"

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  1.   bas44 says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 10

    I was in simliar situation where I was ill and unable to work, I have been the breadwinner for 17 years. Then I became ill for 3 years, this last year my ex-husband found someone he thought would support him financial. So, he left and has since found out that the grass is not green on the other side. He wants to come back, but I'm stronger than ever, even though I still struggle fincially. I won't settle for less. I feel at 45yo that God has my prince and I have to clean my palace ( life) so he can find me. And he will. The scriptures say... when a man finds a wife, he finds good thing and favor from God. I know if I kept myself holy before God. God will allow that holy man to find me because I'm....excellent wife. Thanks

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  2.   LilSnowWhite says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    Definitely leave the dysfunctional loveless situation and know that you are doing the right thing. If you have children, they will learn from your actions. One should never teach their children that it is okay to stay unhappy in an unhealthy situation. Instead teach them courage to do the right thing even if it is difficult. Teach them to have faith that everything is going to work out in the long run even if right now it may be a painful transition. You can't temper steel until you put it in the fire.

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  3.   blackq says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 09

    I have never been in this situation,but i have to agree with 1sturgis,its better being broke than hating life.I am a very independent woman,been on my own at 18 yrs old and going to school,and also a single parent at that age.I have a decent job and achieve quite a lot in life,i stand on my own feet and still standing on them.now my daughter is in medical school,she have mom as her role modle,so if i can do it any one can do it.Because of situations like these i hear of all the time,maybe thats why i am still single,and very picky when it comes to men.I love to be free and live life to the fullest so i rather to be single and happy than to be miserable and depress every day.

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  4.   smoothsexy1 says:
    Posted: 17 Apr 09

    (PRICELESS)

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  5.   smoothsexy1 says:
    Posted: 17 Apr 09

    Hi 1sturgis, I totally agree with you, I paid a healthy sum to and for divorcing my ex, the crazy thing is I would have paid twice as much. Now I have peace of mind.

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  6.   Cree44 says:
    Posted: 17 Apr 09

    I would rather live in a paper box on the streets than live within a marriage/relationship where there is no love because of financial reasons. What kind of life is that? I was dog determined not to remain in mine and even though it hurt my pride some I lived in a shelter for 90 days. I made a great deal of scarifices but I came out a stronger, confident, and more capable person who has her own and never went on welfare or received any charity. I had to walk across bad ground to get to great stuff on the other side. Now, I am pretty damn well off capable of paying on my own for my children to go to college, owning two homes and cars. The bills that I have are always paid on time, and I have money in the bank, and I made it happen, no help or financial assistance from the spawn of Satan (Ex-spouse). I know that if I did not step out on faith, and take a chance I would be miserable, unhappy, and hurt in a dysfunctional relationship. There is no such thing as not being able to afford to be happy it is just some fear leaving their comfort zone and without thinking about it sell themselves pretty cheap.

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  7.   betterfuture says:
    Posted: 16 Apr 09

    I understand how it feels to be in a marriage that has ended, but can't leave. I didn't want to end my marriage because I knew with out my husband I would have to get on welfare or go to a shelter. I was stuck in a marriage with a man that didn't love or want me. I wanted my children to have a father and I didn't want to be another statistic. I was miserable and so were the children. I finally got the courage to leave. I went to a shelter, devorced my husband and ended up on welfare. Now I am free to go to school and have a better future for my children. My children and I are more happy now than we ever were when I was married. The point is the "right" choice is not always the "right" choice.

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  8.   Bunny says:
    Posted: 15 Apr 09

    First off if you going to get divorced because you are having finincial problems the marriage was already doomed to fail in the process or if you stay married because of the economy you may as well should have never gotten married in the first place again the marriage was doomed to fail. I understand that when money is tight it makes things hard and stressful but you didn't get married because of the money. Well aleast hopefully they didn't. Life is not like a fairytail ending and marriage isn't either. I don't care how rich or poor you are at some point you are going to have good and bad times in a marriage. The challeging part is making it through the good and bad times together. I know love don't pay your bills but love,trust, and hope should be the underlining force in marriage in hardtimes. When times get hard talking things out and sticking together is what gets you through things. My advice is to stick closer to each other whem times get harder. When one is weak you carry the other and when you get back strong and they are weak you carry them. That's call support. If you marriage is weak whether you are in a recession or not if you are not determined to make it work it was doomed to fail from the beginning. Now is some cases if I do understand the marriage is completely over because there is simply nothing you can do with that person or the damage is so bad that nothing can really be savaged. If that ever happened there is no way in hell I would stay married to them or stay with them in a recession. I would just leave. I just can't see me staying with someone I can't stand being around or have no interest in. Plus if you have kids it's not a good enviroment for you or the kids. To many issues and things to deal with. To me once you get through the economic problems, raising children to me is alot harder than the money problems, especially teenagers, well that's alot to think about. It might work for some people but not for me. I feel like people should do whatever it takes to keep the marriage and family together and make sarfarices in the name of the children if need be. That's what being a sponse and a parent is all about. And if you get stressed talk to each other about your feels or a good close friend. And do a few relaxing things it helps.

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  9.   tucson86 says:
    Posted: 09 Apr 09

    i have been divorced for 8 years now. I couldnt stay in a marriage that doesnt work. it was the hardest thing i had to do. I believe the vows we take in front of god should be upheld, but unfortunaly things dont always work that way. If u look at it as a person trying to find a good man for a good relationship u cant anymore becuse all of the people u find dating are still married and cant make any commitments to u or anyone else because they are still married. I hear it all the time from friends or people i meet. Men and women alike.It is hard to start over. It sucks being single, but i would rather struggle and start over then to live in a house that is nothing but anger.

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  10.   BklynGal says:
    Posted: 04 Apr 09

    I feel very blessed that I had the means not to be in this situation. If anything, my ex-husband was poorly equipped to be on his own -- he was a Ph.D. student only making a small stipend! I was always the big breadwinner between us. Also -- thankfully -- we had no kids, only ever shared one credit card and had plenty of others in our own names, and never owned a home. The split was extremely amicable even after I moved far away (we still talk at least once a week), and I thank God I was able to move on with my life. Even tho we're still friendly, and probably always will be, it would be pure agony to have to live with my ex because of financial circumstances. But I guess if you have to do it, you have to do it. My advice, ladies, is to equip yourselves with a decent job or education as soon as you can so you can stand on your own. Live with family while you do it, if you can. As for young ladies who aren't married yet -- make sure you can stand on your own two feet ALONE *before* you walk down that aisle. Even if you're madly in love, don't depend and lean on your man for everything. Not with the divorce rate we have today! Always make sure you can do for yourself. Best of luck ...

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  11.   1sturgis says:
    Posted: 04 Apr 09

    you know why divorces costs so much? because they are worth it.I was married untuil about a year ago.my first her second.it was a very bad marriage to say the least.I had to account for every dime that I spent.at the time I was very successful developer and general contractor.when I even bought a 3.99 tee shirt she got mad.now she really knew how to spend money 200 dollar hair cuts to start and we dont need to talk about the clothes.europe vacations etc.now let me make this clear not bragging I was in the mid six figures and she made 12 dollars an hour.the best thing she ever asked for was a divorce.she made the list of what she wanted and I gave it to her.now I dont take acid reflux medicine anymore and I am much more happy alone.there is no price to high to pay for happiness.even in these tuff times its better being broke than hating life

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  12.   Member says:
    Posted: 01 Apr 09

    Dear Smile Stop giving her money for sex and convince her to leave who she is with for you. I figure this a black woman you are talking about. Apparently, it wasn't sad enough for you to take advantage of her sexually. You sick pervert.

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  13.   Mezmerizin says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 09

    The 1st time I left my husband I was in a wheel chair (for 2 years), 3 1/2 months later our 18 year old daughter hung herself... Couldnt really leave him then.. we needed eachother again.. 2 years on my own then 3 more years moved back in with hubby- wasnt making it on my own.. more cheatin by him 3 more forclosure notices finally he slipped up & I found out he had a girlfriend.. AND forclosure #4 the final one. I left late Sept by mid Oct the house was auctioned off & I was living 1/2 way arcoss the country from our once home. Oh also my mother died 2 days before I could move in with her from cancer. Im living with friends now got a full time gig & trying to go back to college. I will be difficult to say the least but I (with Gods Grace) will get it done.

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  14.   Smile4242 says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 09

    I know someone in that situation. She wants to leave, but with four kids, no job, no education, and horrible interview skills, she's not going anywhere. Kinda sad actually.

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  15.   acebenice says:
    Posted: 30 Mar 09

    to Sexylatin: i have been there and done that. i think that what you are doing is great. wait until the baby is graduating out of high school if you can stand it that long. that is what he and i agreed on. that way, you can have a savings and maybe you and your spouse can have a change of heart along the way to save your marriage. i encourage people to stay together, but for the right reason. my situation was similar, but different. i was detoriating, and my health went down really fast because of depression, blah, blah, blah. i live for my investment(my two college students of whom i home schooled and nurtured) and myself. so keep on keeping on and don't let anybody tell you how to live your life because you are the one who has to live it.

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  16.   sexylatin says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    I am in that situation 1)I have a good relation with my husband.But there is no love between us. 2)First I consolidated our debts. 3) Each one do whatever they want with their personal life. 4)We give priority to the children they have both mother and a dad that are there for them and care about them. 5)I have four children 23 she understand and want me to be happy, the 20 she hates me the 17 the boy he doesnt care and the 12 she is happy that she has both. 6) we are like a couple together but without sex no love making and each one do their role. 7)when our debts are payoff in about three years and a half and my younger children get older then we get divorce.

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  17.   acebenice says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    well, that is the best blog question this year thus far. staying only adds to the soon coming hatred. if there are going to be struggle on the finances of two people in the divorce itself, there is going to be even more financial struggle trying to run from that HORRENDOUS marriage, as you put it...doing everything you can to find comfort in the miss of the pain is a financial strain of its own. time away from that person cost money, rather it be shopping, drinking, partying, etc.,etc.. cohabitation just for the sake of is a hell of its own. longing to grow and grow elsewhere in your life is a question those two persons need to asked themselves as individuals and then be fair about the divorce and the finances. there is only two real reasons why a marriage should be broken with all fairness. one is infidelity and the refusal of sex. both are considered adultry. let your own mind figure that one out. i don't judge no one, but one leads to another one way or the other. BETTER OR WORST. some worse can lead to an early death. and who said it will ever get better!!!

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