What does your lady really want to hear?

Posted by James, 18 Aug

Interracial Couple WhisperThere are situations men find themselves in and wonder how they even got there. These are tricky moments that arise during difficult conversations... moments where one misplaced word can lead to a spiraling argument or the silent treatment for days on end. But what is a man to do in such situations where silence is interpreted as “not caring” and one minute word can get you into deep s***?

What do women really want to hear?

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The situation that makes me feel most cornered is when my girlfriend asks how she looks. I once blubbered; “I always tell you when I don’t like how you dress. So when I don’t say anything, trust me, you look great”. So the next time she bought herself a new sexy dress, she came, looked at me and said, “Thanks hon!” “For,” I asked. Her reply was, “Since you didn’t comment about my dress, I know I look super sexy in it.”

I don’t know about other men but I can’t explain my silence. She looks hot in almost everything. And when she has something on that makes her look plain, what am I supposed to say? :roll: I just keep quiet for fear of saying something that would get me into trouble. Problem is, in such cases, not saying anything implies you are not into her – its even worse when the attire is new. Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men says when a woman asks how she looks she is “... also asking at an emotional level, meaning, ‘What do you think of me?’” His remedy: Praise what you love about her body… tell her how the attire compliments a certain feature. And you better be sincere ;-)

During an argument, much as you don’t want to provoke her by being quiet, trust me, silence can make her much angrier because she feels ignored and that you don’t respect her opinion. In this case try explaining to her that talking may make you say things you might regret later and that its best if you revisit the matter when both of you are calm. Kindly give a time frame (say, “Can we talk about it in the evening”) so that you don’t seem like you are escaping the issue at hand.

Then there is the issue of men just going silent after sex or dozing off. Much as talk isn’t that significant to a man - in comparison to actions - to a woman, talk is more important. Talking is her way of showing it. Tell her what you love about her; some special moment you shared together; anything nice - I believe you used to say this stuff when you just met and couldn't keep your paws to yourself.

Men are known to be fixers. So when a woman comes and shares her problems at work, most men keep quiet because… I mean … How do you fix that? Problem is, silence comes off as disinterest in her life because when she opens up about this, she knows you cant fix it; she just wants you to listen, offer a shoulder, and reassure her that it will all get better. Just give her that and let her know you empathize with her.

Words are can make or break a relationship. Silence on the other hand can even be worse than bad words. But the right words at the right time will get you out of tricky situations, avoids more issues and if lucky, get you some some … Lord gimme the strength to practice what I preach ;-) .

4 responses to "What does your lady really want to hear?"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 22 Sep 10

    I think too many people on this dating site follow the advice of the video and give women what they want to hear especially when trying to pick them up off of this site. Most people hate my honesty on here since I don't give them what they want to hear but tell the truth both good and bad. That is just human nature in an unjust world I guess.

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  2.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 10

    Being vocal isn't the same as truly communicating. If you truly are with your soulmate and true love, then you should be able to say whatever you want to each other no matter what it is without fear of repercussion. You can be vocal and lying but if you truly are communicating, you are telling the truth.

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  3. Posted: 30 Aug 10

    I think you should always be vocal with your partner.

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  4.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 10

    I personally disagree with this entire topic because it sounds like manipulation and pacification rather than open honesty and closeness and communication to a vital relationship. If you have true love and true commitment, there is no problem with what to say. As a Pastoral Counselor how does marriage and premarital counseling, if a couple is truly compatible and close to each other, there is no problem with communication or problems with silence. You never have to worry about getting into trouble then because you should know each other well enough to know how to communicate. You should never give a woman wants she want to hear but what is the truth on how you feel and perceive things because otherwise that is just shallow manipulation. The first situation never occurs because if the dress looks good, you can say yes. If it doesn't look good, you can honestly tell them that the dress doesn't look good but they still look beautiful and the dress doesn't do justice to their true beauty. When you say these things, you must mean them at all times and if it something negative, make sure that you are loving when you say it so they don't take it as a personal attack on them. But if you communicate well, then you shouldn't have that problem. There should never be any silence in your relationship if it is a committed relationship of intimacy spiritually and emotionally and psychologically. You should always have something to say and I have never personally had a problem with that in relationships. During arguments, make sure you both are disciplined enough to remain calm and don't use any insults obvious or subtle. If you haven't reached that stage of enlightenment, then you should work towards it because it is very nice to have in a relationship. And make sure that you both maintain respect and honesty at all times and never say anything that you are going to regret saying. I have trained myself in this capacity so I don't have to take anything back during an argument. And if it is something upsetting like someone got fired or something serious, sometimes just holding the person and telling them that you love them will avoid the argument of what did one do to get fired. Then you can discuss it calmly later when both of your are more calm. And if your relationship is truly a deep one, then you won't have silence after sex. I have never fallen asleep after sex and if you do, it is usually a sign that your relationship is shallow and probably based on sex or something equally shallow. I looked forward to cuddling after sex and talking about things because both people's sexual tension is gone hopefully and then you will be surprised at how rationally you can discuss things that are hard to concentrate while there is sexual tension. Of course it helps to make sure you do things to make the female orgasm first so they are satisfied sexually and it usually doesn't involve intercourse. I have had many females fall asleep after they are sexually satisfied which showed me that the relationship wasn't as deep on their side because I was wide awake and dying to cuddle and talk. So you should know how to please your woman sexually without intercourse and that has been a problem with a lot of couples I have counseled. And if a woman shares her problems from work, you should never be silent. Ask questions, find out all the details, and find out how she felt about it. Then you can give some constructive advice if you know what you are talking about. Sometimes you don't have an answer and you should just validate their feelings by letting them know they they must be really frustrated and angry with the situation and that you wish you could take away their pain and put it on yourself because you love them that much and you wish they didn't have to suffer through that. Of course you have to mean it and not be lying. But that is what true love is all about. And you can't reassure her that it will get better because it might not and you are not God and you can't fix all her problems magically. Make sure she knows you will always listen and be supportive no matter what, even if things get worse and that you really love her and are fortunate to have someone as special as her and it is the works fault if they don't realize what they have in her. If it is her fault though, you have to delicately lead her through a line of questioning that gets her to come to the conclusion on her own of what she has to do to fix the situation herself. Don't just blame her but guide her to a constructive conclusion. And the key is commitment which is why sex is best saved for after marriage because one can't feel all lovey dovey all the time. That commitment is a a seal that bonds you together when you aren't actively feeling that feeling. If more people would be close to their partners, we wouldn't have the highest divorce rate in the world and so many illegitimate children that end up being messed up psychologically from being forced to be raised by one parent. Base your relationship on deeper things and not looks consciousness and/or money. If you base it on deeper things, then the relationship should last. And before marriage you should go through premarital counseling and if things aren't working out after marriage, make sure you go to a good marriage counselor especially if kids are involved so they won't be scarred for life psychologically as they often are in single parent homes as well. Too many relationships are based on shallowness and you end up making an unspoken pact with your partner to let them keep their flaws and sins if you can keep your flaws and sins. But when the going gets rough, the relationship will crumble. Seek self-enlightenment first so you both can bring some depth and hopefully true love to the relationship when you get married. You can't go wrong if you are honest about your flaws and demons within you and you are working on them before a relationship and then honest with your partner and not trying to hide them all the time. Hopefully as a committed couple, you can help each other with your flaws and sins and become a better person for being with your partner than you would be without them. That is where the saying "my better half" came from Hopefully we can all be our partners better half and they can be ours and we can have a relationship of true love that lasts for good.:-) Joseph Moyer

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