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Study: Men hurt more over rocky relationships

Posted by James, 16 Jun

men hurt moreAs per popular belief, ladies have it rough coming to terms with a breakup – the pile of used tissue, the binging on ice-cream and junk food, the sleep over with friends that starts with a little alcohol and ends in every lady in the room crying and bashing their friend’s ex.

HOW-EVER, according to not so common wisdom, men also have a sensitive gene of their own. Apparently a research from Wake Forest University finds that: Men get more emotionally wounded over crappy relationships than the ladies – and they get a psychological boost when things are smoother.

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The researchers examined data from more than 1000 young people of college age. Based on relationship and mental health, they discovered that men suffer more immensely than women when their relationships go bad, but are very good at hiding it – women get depressed; most men engage in substance abuse. The greater the problems, the higher they scored on the substance abuse scale.

Audrey Nelson, author of 'Code Switching: How to Talk so Men Will Listen' agrees with this study. “We’ll cry, show our feelings – when a woman is having a hard time, she has two or three friends she can talk to, to ease the pain. Men have the same feelings and emotions, but they have no outlet,” she told ABC News.

I don’t think men lack the support system or outlet. They just choose not to deal with things that way.

Do you agree with the study? Dude, can you even picture yourself trying the ladies’ approach – calling up friends, bi***ing and getting all emotional support you possibly can?

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111 responses to "Study: Men hurt more over rocky relationships"

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  1.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    Comment by Bliss72 on 30 June 2010: PS Folks, we are all intelligent human beings with opinions, let’s keep it civil. We are all trying to learn from each other, not throw bricks at your neighbor LOL Lighten up! ------------------------------------- You have a lot of nerve to say that after the prior post to me. I'm not justifying anything. What I say about the differences between the sexes has been studied and is scientific. These conclusions weren't drawn based on a study of 1000 young adults either. Masters and Johnson and others have been studying the behavior and differences between the sexes for years. But because I mention it being scientific it must be a lie. Get outta here, Bliss, LOL. Go get learned up for yourself.

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  2.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    Bliss, can you point out where I said "all women?" If you can do that, I'll stfu and move on. Yes, I'm speaking in generalities just like you. I've used the word "some" so often here I'm amazed you don't see that. Get over it already. I'm speaking on things I'm familiar with as a woman and you are speaking of things you are familiar with as a man and further may have experienced for YOURSELF. But because YOU experienced it doesn't mean all men have. Get over that too. ICE COLD, LUKE WARM, whatever. I don't deny the fact that men hurt, I simply don't believe they do to the degree that women do based on what we know scientifically about men and women. There, I said it again. You need to understand also that not everyone will agree on a subject. You are clearly not an authority on women and I don't make my self out to be an authority on the males. I state an opinion and not just talk - what I speak to is based on some things I've seen. Just get over that. My opinion will stand. I warn you not to trow slurs at me. I've not insulted you. I expect the same treatment. What's wrong with just not agreeing?

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  3.   Rene06 says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    Dear Petite, You are a big enough person to realize an apology may be in order, for your wayward contributions in this thread, and for that, you are to be commended. In my opinion, you are what many a beautiful, strong, and responsible black women are all about. These qualities that you obviously possess in your character, can not go without appreciation. And to you, I say Bravo! I for one, can understand why you felt it necessary to take this thread in the direction you did. I too, am compelled to apologize for the part I played in turning this thread into anything other than what may amount to perhaps a little more than simple tomfoolery, but like you, I thought it necessary at the time, after having received a hurled insult by someone behaving childishly, simply for merely only speaking my opinion. (Isn't That What A Message Board Is For?) LOL! However still, my apologies stand to all of those who'd otherwise prefer to not have to read all of the other stuff being discussed on this particular thread. So with that, I'll say, Carry On...

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  4.   Bliss72 says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    PS Folks, we are all intelligent human beings with opinions, let's keep it civil. We are all trying to learn from each other, not throw bricks at your neighbor LOL Lighten up!

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  5.   Bliss72 says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    @ Petite, you stated: Remember that you and Bliss are speaking for all males. Whatever happened to rebound relationships? THEY HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. YES THEY DO. It is plausible that after a break up a man moves on quickly with another (even though he may not have gotten over the lost of the prior) and yes it CAN happen that he can come to call the new one his girl in record time. It’s called being on the REBOUND! Yes I was speaking in general terms and you are trying to disprove it by stating specific cases but then you justify your argument by speaking for all women by saying: In closing I don’t believe men hurt as severely as women simply because we are the more emotional of the two. Now this we know to be scientific. I do believe men hurt, but not quite like a woman. I believe that men approach relationships with their head and end up in breakups with their heart. ie. Men are reluctant to say they love a woman but harbor hurt longer than women. Women on the other hand are the flip side, they approach relationships with their heart but end up in break ups with using their heads. The coldest thing you can ever see is a woman who can quite dispassionately say to her ex " Move on" Sounds like a slew of Beyonce songs "Irreplaceable", "Single ladies".LOL. She'll even tell you about the dude she is getting to replace you. Sounds like ICE COLD LOGIC

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  6.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    @ all I apologize for going back on what I said about not bringing other discussions into THIS THREAD. The topic is still, Men hurt over rocky relationships. Again, my deepest apologies.

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  7.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    Dear Ichibod: Wedn, June 30 7:45a.m. With regard to the following statement made by you: "Now THIS topic about men starts off with a mockery of what James calls “not so common wisdom” that many men don’t understand, and women definitely don’t, which is what makes the situations much worst when they happen. I would hate to be the son of a “bitch” that would be so quick to disregard what another woman does to her child emotionally. I’m so happy that I’m not.” I MUST APOLOGIZE, AS I SEE YOU ARE ADDRESSING THE START OF THIS CONVERSATION BEING TURNED INTO A MOCKERY. AND AS YOU INDICATED I DID NOT START THE THREAD GOING BUT RATHER JENNA DID. SO WILL NO LONGER "ASSume" YOU ARE REFERRING TO "ME" AS A BITCH. My sincerest apologies, but you do need to make your posts legible so that one can discern to whom you are directing your comments. There, I said it again. ALSO, SO YOU DON'T GET OR GIVE ANYONE THE IMPRESSION THAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ME, I WILL ADDRESS ANOTHER POINT YOU MADE HERE IN THIS SAME POST. You mentioned a long standing thread and asked me if you were questioned on your presence in such discussion. I must ask you, were you questioned when you commented in the following threads having nothing to do with you as a man, per say or a Black man?: Are Black Women More Likely to be Single? Do White Women approach Men Better than Black Women? Why some Black Women Only Date White Men? Dating Mr. White Do Black Girls Really Need Black Barbies? NOW MR. ICHIBOD, I WOULD SAY FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT TO ME, I SHALL REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING TO YOU. DO NOT MAKE INNUENDOS, I SHALL DO LIKEWISE. WE HAVE A CHECKERED PAST. ONE THAT I HAVE MOVED ON FROM, BUT APPARENTLY YOU HAVE NOT. FURTHER, DON'T QUESTION WHERE I POST OR WHY I POST WHERE I POST AND I WILL DO LIKEWISE. Peace.....

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  8.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    Dear Ichibod: Here's how what you said to Godvia: "Miss you, Sis. I noticed that young college guys were the ones studied also. That’s why I mentioned “adult boys”, one’s who haven’t experience much on any mature level. That’s kind of how I know the difference. I’ve been a young man before. I’ve also heard of men telling women that they love them right after the woman slept with their best friend, brother, or cousin. Talk about a Jerry Springer moment." ---------------------------- Do you realize you are pretty much agreeing with what I stated? But then again you're not because maybe it's ME stating it? CTFU. I made mention of similar scenarios in my discussion posts but they can't be anywhere near true because maybe Petite Chick said them to you? Interesting.......

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  9.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    @ Ich Now THIS topic about men starts off with a mockery of what James calls “not so common wisdom” that many men don’t understand, and women definitely don’t, which is what makes the situations much worst when they happen. I would hate to be the son of a “bitch” that would be so quick to disregard what another woman does to her child emotionally. I’m so happy that I’m not.” Is this referring to me? Again you're a cut and paste master. Who's the "son" of a bitch? Are you calling me a Bitch Ich? Cause I cant tell where your generalities and direct discussions start and end just like I said before, a cut and paste master you are. If that was not intended for me it should have clearly been set off so that it would not appear that way. From where I'm sitting it looks like it does all lumped together with replies to me. If you remain, people will see how you get down.

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  10.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    Dear Ichibod: You stated: "...Petite, Were you the first to post on this thread? I don’t think so. But you took the mockery” comment personal. Two other women did. Me bringing up that other topic was in reference to a question you asked of why I was there when the topic had nothing to do with black men just as this topic has nothing to do with women. No one quote any Bible scriptures to you. May I ask, what typr of voice did you hear while reading my posts? The tone I typed it in was definitely not argumentative but you seemed to have taken it that way. Only two of my post were to you directly. Every other post you found a way to make it about you. What gives? But no matter. What you have observed with your own eyes over the past 50 years about men is true to you. What most men on the planet throughout human existence have, are, and will experience emotionally will always be more true and more accurate to them than what any women can attest to merely observing or conceive of believing." 1. I am fully aware of that - this is why I asked why were you only addressing your response to me. You did single me out to quote something I wrote. NOT WHAT Jenna wrote, NOT WHAT Angel Baby Wrote, but what Petite wrote. Here's what I'm talking about Ich: “Hell, let’s leave the “break-up” talk out and let’s just talk about the fact that some people can not distinguish the difference generally. Reason?” also "I thought the topic was “Men hurt more over rocky relationships”. Wasn’t my presence on a thread about love between white men and black women questioned? However I wasn’t there to speak on relationships between the two, just about the negatives said about black men in the discussion. Now THIS topic about men starts off with a mockery of what James calls “not so common wisdom” that many men don’t understand, and women definitely don’t, which is what makes the situations much worst when they happen. I would hate to be the son of a “bitch” that would be so quick to disregard what another woman does to her child emotionally. I’m so happy that I’m not." I don't recall questioning you about why you were there you were there for a long time before me. If you have saved anything I have written in that regard to show I questionned YOU about your presence there then please let me know it's not impossible. What we did do Ich, and I recall is I called you out for cutting and pasting and misconstruing words. That's the only big disagreement I recall. Prior to that I recall telling you that you rarely spoke to me from day one - which is the truth! I questionned your sudden interest in engaging me on topic discussions. I was over there for a while and WHAT I STATE, WHEN I SAY you did not engage me in conversation was not until the very end. Even when some questions I posed were directly posed to you. Furthermore, Ich you are in other types of threads where it doesn't necessarily call for a man or a Black man, for that matter, opinion. Hell the White women vs. White men thread is loaded with Black folks comments. I think maybe I've seen you there and in other threads pumping your "BLACK MEN don't want to be used as an excuse for women to date out their race." ------------------------------- END OF DISCUSSIO ABOUT MATTERS NOT PERTAINING TO THIS SUBJECT MATTER. It is wrong to do this. That board is still up if you have a question for me you should have posed it there. Not that I would answer you, but there is where it belonged - not here! You did a disservice to those others who are not interested in that but are here in this stream to give their opinions on this subject matter. So I'd say that little bit was ALL ABOUT ICH. Back to the subject matter: I am here giving an opinion based on what I've seen YES in my fifty years of life. By my girlfriends, family members, friends, co-workers (people talk) that gives ME the power to sit here and say what you and Bliss are discussing is not BLACK AND WHITE and there are some gray areas. THESE ARE FACTS that can not be disputed. You know why they can not be disputed Ich? Because I witnessed them. The very things you said men don't do or are not apt to do, I've witnessed with mine own eyes. LIKE I SAID where was your appeal to the other two ladies? Speaking in generalities? Not when you addressed me and Rene in one thread. The first portion of it took my quotes and you proceeded to admonish me. Then you went on to insult another brother by asking him was he a chick. Good of you to try to clean that one up because it was in poor taste to do that. At the end of one of my posts I told you we agree to disagree. We (you and I) never agree on anything. Your comment about AGAPE: LIKE I SAID, only God knows it in it's truest form. Mankind in my opinion doesn't have the capacity to to really grasp what it is. Some people may come close and trust this is rare. Living in a superficial world makes for superficial and false realities. Yes realities can be false. Now if there is nothing further..... I stand by my opinion you don't have to agree, no one does but it is stated for the record. Which I am entitled to do. Again peace to you!

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  11.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    TYRANT, Good to see you, bruh. Nice of you to keep it short and simple. It's how I should have left with my first post. Petite, Were you the first to post on this thread? I don't think so. But you took the mockery" comment personal. Two other women did. Me bringing up that other topic was in reference to a question you asked of why I was there when the topic had nothing to do with black men just as this topic has nothing to do with women. No one quote any Bible scriptures to you. May I ask, what typr of voice did you hear while reading my posts? The tone I typed it in was definitely not argumentative but you seemed to have taken it that way. Only two of my post were to you directly. Every other post you found a way to make it about you. What gives? But no matter. What you have observed with your own eyes over the past 50 years about men is true to you. What most men on the planet throughout human existence have, are, and will experience emotionally will always be more true and more accurate to them than what any women can attest to merely observing or conceive of believing. Hello, Godiva! Miss you, Sis. I noticed that young college guys were the ones studied also. That's why I mentioned "adult boys", one's who haven't experience much on any mature level. That's kind of how I know the difference. I've been a young man before. I've also heard of men telling women that they love them right after the woman slept with their best friend, brother, or cousin. Talk about a Jerry Springer moment. "instead we seem to end up NOT listening to each other which is unfortunate!" My ex-fiance and I tried this years ago. We agreed to just talk with no interruptions, no rebuttals, no vocal utterrances or sighs indicating disagreement. Just letting one another talk while the other listened. Each one of us talked for over an hour straight and I have to say, I was able to see her in such a different light. A light I could have seen before if I had shut up once in a while and regarded how she was feeling and not speak or react based on what I think she feels or how I just so happen to be feeling. I can be selfish at times. Also, you know my first and last name already. Did you know my middle name is Ashley? No joke. I love it!

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  12.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 10

    Ms. Godiva dahhhhling I'm good. Been hottttt! Have my grandson w/me. Miss my brother and am doing a lil part time thingy which is gonna end soon with the State. So, I will have either one of two things left to do with my summer a) NUTHIN (i like this) b) job hunt or wait for Fall to job hunt). I so need this time off. Wasn't ready to job hunt. So I may just wait till September. I would like to enjoy the summer with my grandson. Take some day trips and such. Daughter can't go she's got school straight through so we can't plan anything big out of town so to speak. Did I say it was hottt? How's the fam? You are so blessed to still have a mother to take care of. I miss my mom soooo much. But she's around me in spirit. Glad to hear u doing good sister. I don't use the term sister lightly! *smooches* Don't stay away too long if you can help it.

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  13.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    @Ms.PetiteChick, Where you been doggone it? Working, taking care of Mom, working some more, getting into gear for the back to school Angel Tree/ Prison Ministry. I know school just ended but it's never too early to get started. Nowadays you got to start begging early, it's really tight out here but I find most people are still generous and are concerned for others!! Believe it or not, not everyone lives in the ME, ME, ME SYNDROME!!! How have you been? I hope all is well with you and the family!! Say hey to Derek Jeter and the rest of the Yankees, we're in 1st place!!! love godiva Btw, for what it's worth, my late husbands first name was Leslie, and so was his Dad!

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  14.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    @Rene06 That was in bad taste just like bringing up a totally different stream of discussions. I still have yet to see the connection. We simply disagree. But what I stated is true. It just is.

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  15.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    Godivaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I can especially agree with this statement: "Love, relationships, level of commitment to another is so different for many different people. How many times have I heard women say, “oh he loves me”, after the black eye and the busted ribs? To them this is love, sad but true!!" C'mon sis you know the truth and you are on point! "These studies seem to do the opposite of what is intended, which is to inform and/or enlighten, instead we seem to end up NOT listening to each other which is unfortunate!" It is why I think some of the gentlemen here have more to see other than just what has transpired in and around their own lives. Where you been doggone it?

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  16.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    Statement: Men have a sensitive gene of their own, I would hope so, seen it many, many times, with different men, in different situations, men are NOT made of Steel, however, how many times have I, or anyone else here, have seen men being sensitive and/or sympathetic to a certain situation, only to have another man give him grief about showing his sensitive side?? Sometimes it goes as far as calling him, wimpy, or soft, why is that? Is this an unspoken rule, and if so, who made the rule, a man or woman??? Staement: A Research from Wake Forest University finds that men get MORE emotionally wounded over a crappy relationship than ladies- and they get a psychological boost when things are smoother, How and what methods were used to determine that men get MORE emotionally wounded? Were both genders hooked up to a emotional ekg machine of some sort, to determine who was hurting the most? Maybe there's a new pulse oximeter that can measure your oxygen levels as well as your emotional pain. Or maybe, just maybe, wounds that stem from failed relationships, crappy or otherwise, is neither more or less valid because of the gender, maybe the real problem is how they are dealt with or not dealt with! Since we all different, with different experiences, and different backrounds, there is no ONE, etched in stone, 100% answer. Personally if the relationship was really crappy and ended, I wouldn't spend too much time, energy, or emotions over crap that found it's way out of my life, some of us spend way too much time on crap!! Did I read this correctly, this research was collected data from more than 1000 young people of college age? What's the average age of a college student, 17-21? I would guess that this age group maturity level, or lack of, dealing with emotions, and relationships in general would differ from someone who is perhaps in their 30's. A 20yr old view of love, and relationships, would be, at least I hope it would be, quite different from a 30yr old. Love, relationships, level of commitment to another is so different for many different people. How many times have I heard women say, "oh he loves me", after the black eye and the busted ribs? To them this is love, sad but true!! These studies seem to do the opposite of what is intended, which is to inform and/or enlighten, instead we seem to end up NOT listening to each other which is unfortunate! love godiva

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  17.   TYRANT says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    Comment by Bliss72 on 25 June 2010: I agree with this study. Anyone who thinks this is a load of crock , needs a reality check. Society always portrays woemn as the softer gender and hence the victim but: Fact: Women file for divorce 3 times as much as men. Fact: Men tend to stay in relationships, even abusive ones, far longer than women. Men often hash and brood over lost love longer than women do. Why? Because a man is not going to tell his boys that he is hurt! Society has bred males and females so differently that women who hurt, talk to their Girlfriends, go out, cry but they move on. Men do not move on as easily. They tend to internalize their pain for fear of looking weak. as such, though they may move on physically (becuase men can distinguish easily between their need for sex and their need for love), but they are extremely slow moving on emotionally. If we examine the end result of relationships, not the cause of the breakup (infidelity, abuse..etc) we will se that men DO NOT recover as effectively. How many women do you know try to get back with an old boyfriend after a breakup? Even if they were the unfaithful one? Not many. On the other hand, how many men still call their exes? You hear women say it all the time. “He just can’t accept that it is over and move on.” But I’ll tell you this much. For 90% of every man you think is a dog, there is that woman in his past that broke his heart and he takes it out on every woman thereafter, whether by being suspicious of everything the new GF does and premptively breaking up with her at the first sign of anything that reminds of the dump syndrome; or, he never really opens up and lets her in, he is always guarded for fear of being dumped again…Check the facts ladies! ___________________________________ TYRANT concurs. Unfortunately, a LOT of women just haven't figured this out yet.

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  18.   Rene06 says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    @Petite, You're trying to reason with someone whose only comeback is to try, and accuse people he has never met of being a female. How Lame! Since it seems so popular to assume things around here, then I'll assume that with his attitude, he more than likely is not all too successful on the dating part of this website, hence his reason for getting his money's worth hanging out on the forum arguing. You/I/We can't win, when someone is as bitter as he is. Again, how ironic, to accuse me of being a female, when he's the one that proclaims so many hurt feelings, and is obviously bitter behind them. LOL!

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  19.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    “Hell, let’s leave the “break-up” talk out and let’s just talk about the fact that some people can not distinguish the difference generally. Reason?” I gave you the reason, you were not reading. I stated because often times they don't know any better or it is what they deem love to be for them. What else you need bruh? And I simply used this as an example, but not to deter away from the subject but to recognize bad relationships aside, this way of thinking and doing things exists REGARDLESS.....

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  20.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    Ich: I have to come at you one more time with something I find disturbing. I am not the only female here who disagrees with this study. Yet you seem to seek me out to stress to "me" and "me" alone to show your disapproval of my opinions. Why is that?

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  21.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    @Ich this thread didn't start off as a mockery. People expressed their opinions about the study. You disagree. What's the problem? You want to make something out of nothing. You want to blame me for mockery? Where is it? Don't go quoting Bible scriptures to me Ich. The mean nothing to man in the physical world. Only God knows true love. Mankind only he wishes he knew. THE TERM MEN AND WOMEN USE "LOVE" is a relative term as is the words "good, bad, ugly, etc. It's all in how the individual perceives it.

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  22.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    LOVE IS A RELATIVE TERM TO HUMAN BEINGS. IT IS NOT A RELATIVE TERM TO GOD. Agape, eros, philia so what? I know some women think they man love them cause they follow them and check on everything they do. To THEM, THAT'S LOVE.

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  23.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    Ich, I am no trying to subject of anything. I made that statement to make a point. That point being EVEN OUTSIDE OF a broken relationship some men and women don't know the difference between sex and love. The term "love" is relative Ich. What it means to you may mean something entirely different for another. Should we all go by YOUR DEFINITION? I think not. What does "Why the White Man Love The Black Woman" have to do with THIS THREAD? I stated some common sense points and you want to twist that into something it isn't. What I stated is true. You are speaking from your experiences, others you may know (friends, relatives, etc.,) just like I believe we are all doing). I've seen things contrary to what you and bliss state. So I too bring some degree of what I have witnessed in the past amongst the sexes. That's all there is to that. We don't agree on much. That's fine. It's not a bad thing. I stand by what I stated throughout, for it is my observations and opinions much like your own. We agree to disagree. peace.

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  24.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    Petite, "Hell, let’s leave the “break-up” talk out and let’s just talk about the fact that some people can not distinguish the difference generally. Reason?" I thought the topic was "Men hurt more over rocky relationships". Wasn't my presence on a thread about love between white men and black women questioned? However I wasn't there to speak on relationships between the two, just about the negatives said about black men in the discussion. Now THIS topic about men starts off with a mockery of what James calls "not so common wisdom" that many men don't understand, and women definitely don't, which is what makes the situations much worst when they happen. I would hate to be the son of a "bitch" that would be so quick to disregard what another woman does to her child emotionally. I'm so happy that I'm not. You said to Bliss: "However, you did not factor in what either man considers “love” to be to HIM. Now we all know that it is different for everyone." No, love is love except when it's AGAPE. If it's that easy to say that love is different for everyone, then why not criticize this topic based on that fact rather than with a "Nah, ah! Women are the queens of pain, not y'all!" defense. That's what I meant by, "Does one woman suffer more than another or is their suffering the same?" If love is different amongst women, you won't hear them argue it amongst one another like they would with a man. Why? Because women are scorned. What brings about their scorn. MEN! The same thing that makes it easy for a white man to hate a black man or any race to hate another, is the idea that "you're not like me". We don't experience our feelings in the same order or under the same circumstances but we experience the same ones. The level in which we experience them varies from man to man and woman to woman just as it much as it does between man and woman. Ask a man and a woman who have both been cheated on how they feel, or who do you think hurts more? Does the length of the relationship have an effect? Does one's idea of a relationship have a effect? Does what God says about love and relationships have an effect? Love is Love. A person's understanding of it's purpose and application of it is different. Well Rene06, You could've have just said said that as well... that's unless you don't believe that. I've never been dumped. A person doesn't have to be dumped in order to say that their relationship was rocky or had problems. The reason why the relationship was rocky isn't always the man's fault, however this discussion has gone that route for some reason and the best you can do is speak of the male ego. Are you a chick? The more I think about it, this topic should have addressed men's relationships ending in general. There are many reasons for those and several emotions to go with them. Anyway, in this thread, it's three against one. Man with a woman's name loses.

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  25.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    @Rene I think personal experiences are being discussed rather than the generality of it. It is their life experiences which they deem set in stone.

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  26.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    @ Ich you stated: "it would be quite some time after a break up, and even when he finds one he would like to call his girl, she most likely won’t let him because she’ll get tired of hearing about his ex or things related to a past relationship. Probably even called her by the wrong name. Not cool, happened to me last year." ----------------- YOU are speaking for yourself? OK this is understandable. However, I have - in my lifetime known of men who do just the opposite for reasons no one knows but them. Remember that you and Bliss are speaking for all males. Whatever happened to rebound relationships? THEY HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. YES THEY DO. It is plausible that after a break up a man moves on quickly with another (even though he may not have gotten over the lost of the prior) and yes it CAN happen that he can come to call the new one his girl in record time. It's called being on the REBOUND! There are no rules to matters of the heart. None. No set of standards and practices women use or for men. No scientific data, no help me books that can do this. Each situation standing on its own merits. I have heard too much and seen to much to know better in my 50 years. YES, there are some men who don't know the difference between good sex and love after a break up. YES, there are women who don't know the difference between good sex and love when in involved in relationship after a break up. You've got lots, lots more to see Ich. Hell, let's leave the "break-up" talk out and let's just talk about the fact that some people can not distinguish the difference generally. Reason? They don't know any better. Finally, it may just in fact be "love" for them!

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  27.   Rene06 says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    "A certain someone must not understand what it means to be a real man." Writing that, but admitting to just how hurt you may get over a breakup. How ironic. Why don't you just come out, and say "real men" do cry. Whatever! Buck up, grow a pair, move on, and stop sobbing over getting dumped. LOL!

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  28.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 10

    Bliss, The key word here is 'MEN'. Men know pain and hurt. We know the difference between love and sex. Immature males and adult boys are the ones who don't. We don't have our male friends for that kind of support. You're right about that. It's not necessarily that we're afraid to appear weak in front of them, It's really because none of them want to hear our sob stories unless there's a punchline somewhere. That's what women have THEIR girls for, not what we have OUR friends for. We'll hear each other out, but will advise each other from a logical perspective, not an emotional one. “Men can do this with several women but how soon after a break up is he going to call one of them his girl?” It would be quite some time after a break up, and even when he finds one he would like to call his girl, she most likely won't let him because she'll get tired of hearing about his ex or things related to a past relationship. Probably even called her by the wrong name. Not cool, happened to me last year. One thing I have noticed between men and women with break ups, is that women more often want to inflict damage to reflect what they're feeling (keyed car, flat tires, no child visitation rights). Men just want it to be recognized (endless voicemails, "can we still be friends?", stalking, suicide). Basically, attention seeking. As I said earlier, men’s feelings and emotions are sadly the most underrated of the two genders. Only WE as men know and can accurately say and explain so. Again, each example in your posts brings so many people, as well as past experiences in my own life to mind. Only we know. Does a man suffer more or does a women suffer more? There's no telling. Does one woman suffer more than another or is their suffering the same? I believe this is assinine to say the least, and makes for more feeble attempts to undermine men's feelings.

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  29.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    Women tend to form friendships in similar fashion Bliss. How do you think they form? Talking, shopping, clubbing together (girls nite out), play dates with kids, women form same sex friendships based on the same indicators as you described for men. Please now. Don't be so quick to assume that just because we're women we automatically share things in common - that being "a no good man did me wrong." The END result of these developing friendships is the emotional support but the formation is the same as it is for men!

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  30.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    "As for moving on to the next one, hopping into another woman’s bed is NOT moving on. It is having sex, period. "Hopping into another woman's bed" can aid in "moving on." I never said it was in fact "moving on." Each of us, men and women go about easing the pain differently. I didn't say it would magically end any pain but a new chick is often a good way to get a man started off. Can you deny this? The same holds true for women. "Men can do this with several women but how soon after a break up is he going to call one of them his girl?" This is a question where you could have elaborated a little further. Would be interesting to hear from a male point of view. Could be rather soon. In which case, that's good for him if the woman turns out to be one who nurses his wounds and gives him "something he can feel." Then it could be never, which in my mind causes a problem for the unknowing participant. Men often do not know the difference between good sex and love just like women sometimes do not know the difference. For you to state that they all do is really false. Ever heard the term pussy whipped? In closing I don't believe men hurt as severely as women simply because we are the more emotional of the two. Now this we know to be scientific. I do believe men hurt, but not quite like a woman.

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  31.   Bliss72 says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    As for moving on to the next one, hopping into another woman's bed is NOT moving on. It is having sex, period. Men can do this with several women but how soon after a break up is he going to call one of them his girl?

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  32.   Bliss72 says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    Men tend to form friendships based on activities..eg. My clubbing partners or my bowling buddies..women tend to form friendship that offer emotional support. Showing you what clubs have new "chics" to hook up with is NOT emotional support. When you lose a relationship it is the emotional equivalent of a death in the family. You go through the same stages of grief. Men do NOT readily share their internal turmoil with their boys for fear of looking weak. As a matter of fact they tend to act like they ARE NOT hurting and this is the destructive part. Women are much better equipped to deal with emotional turmoil than men. It doesn't mean they do not hurt, it simply means they move on much more effectively.

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  33.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    @Angel Baby, there ya go!

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  34.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    Bliss: You make some good points. However, you did not factor in what either man considers "love" to be to HIM. Now we all know that it is different for everyone. I must disagree with your assertion that women do not try to get back with their exes. They indeed do, but not the ideal way you think. Think about that for a minute. Let's also not forget that rejection is a mutha. And yes the sexes feel and live it differently. Men do have a network of support. They have their boys and yes the boys DO in fact give them "new hook up" ideas, take them out to the clubs for a fine new looking chick. Much of what men and women do after a break up is reactionary and a method each uses to protect his/her ego and or heart and very similar in nature though carried out differently. "... For 90% of every man you think is a dog, there is that woman in his past that broke his heart and he takes it out on every woman thereafter, whether by being suspicious of everything the new GF does and premptively breaking up with her at the first sign of anything that reminds of the dump syndrome; or, he never really opens up and lets her in, he is always guarded for fear of being dumped again…Check the facts ladies!" ----- The very thing you state above applies to women as well. It goes both ways brothers. Both ways. I would say women are more vindictive than brothers are when a break up occurs. When a man has moved on and has found another - women are apt to keying cars, leaving nasty messages on phones, going to the new chick's place of work or calling and so much more in between. Men do things similarly but perhaps not to this extreme and then again some do. But I have no doubt in my mind that men don't suffer the way women do. Why? you are not wired that way. Further when you consider the ratio of men to women it is far easier for a man to get another much more quickly to ease him through transition than it is for a woman. Yes, women pick the men. But we have to have ones that want us to first have something to pick from.

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  35.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    Bliss72, That was perfect!

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  36.   friendly13 says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 10

    What bothers me is when a man loves us and we just don't feel the same way about him he just throws a hissy fit and tries to make us feel obligated to feel something that I we are just not ever going to feel. It is so rediculous. They go as far as sending flowers, trying to be the ultra gentleman always there when you need might him. I'm like the guy just needs to give it up. Oh, and then when he finds out that some other guy has your heart he just goes ballistic and causes all kinds of drama. It is like the world tells them that they are going to get who they want. They forget about chemestry and intrest from the other party. Then they just don't want to accept it until they have just completely alienated all possibility for even a friendship.

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  37.   Bliss72 says:
    Posted: 25 Jun 10

    I agree with this study. Anyone who thinks this is a load of crock , needs a reality check. Society always portrays woemn as the softer gender and hence the victim but: Fact: Women file for divorce 3 times as much as men. Fact: Men tend to stay in relationships, even abusive ones, far longer than women. Men often hash and brood over lost love longer than women do. Why? Because a man is not going to tell his boys that he is hurt! Society has bred males and females so differently that women who hurt, talk to their Girlfriends, go out, cry but they move on. Men do not move on as easily. They tend to internalize their pain for fear of looking weak. as such, though they may move on physically (becuase men can distinguish easily between their need for sex and their need for love), but they are extremely slow moving on emotionally. If we examine the end result of relationships, not the cause of the breakup (infidelity, abuse..etc) we will se that men DO NOT recover as effectively. How many women do you know try to get back with an old boyfriend after a breakup? Even if they were the unfaithful one? Not many. On the other hand, how many men still call their exes? You hear women say it all the time. "He just can't accept that it is over and move on." But I'll tell you this much. For 90% of every man you think is a dog, there is that woman in his past that broke his heart and he takes it out on every woman thereafter, whether by being suspicious of everything the new GF does and premptively breaking up with her at the first sign of anything that reminds of the dump syndrome; or, he never really opens up and lets her in, he is always guarded for fear of being dumped again...Check the facts ladies!

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  38.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 10

    Hi Jenna, yeah I agree with that list. I didn't make it up, I sort of borrowed it from somewhere.....Couldn't list the source because the person I borrowed it from didn't have the source. Uhhh ohhhhh. I have this plagarism fear. *smile* Yes, women react that way with grudges out of emotion. Like men are supposed to know we're uptight. LOL. I have heard so many jokes about this and women it ain't even funny. For the most part though, I like to talk. Which then leads to being accused of nagging. So damned if you do, damned if you do.....LOL. No win. Silent treatment angers them, wanting to talk it out angers them! What's a gal to do? Men, ummm yeah, that not answering your phone part pisses me off to the highest of pissivity, LOL. Especially if I've been told you are some place you are reachable. I don't expect to reach you if you're on a flight or down below in the subways of New York, but if you at your boy's house, why you can't answer that phone? And don't let it go STR8t to voice mail. There's hell to pay! LOL. And yes, always room for improvement of self and within the relationship. If you're the only one trying to improve in the relationship then that relationship is doomed! On point!

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  39.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 10

    @PetiteChick Girl that damn list you made hit the nail on the head!Top 5 Things Men Do that Destroy Relationships,is the gospel truth,especially the not answering the phone issue and the ego,thinking they know every damn thing! As for we women,I not gonna lie,I have been guilty of the holding grudge part. There is always room for improvement in any relationship ,no two people are alike, therefore there is always going to be issues that need to be dealt with character-wise!

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  40.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 10

    @ all I want to share something I stumbled upon. What are your thoughts? ---- Everyone is always talking about what people lack in relationships and why they don’t last, but what about the things people do consistently that destroy relationships. We found a list that gives 10 reasons that men and women will walk away and it does NOT include cheating. Top 5 Things Men Do that Destroy Relationships: 1. Not Answering the Phone: When a man doesn’t answer the phone, especially at certain times of the day, it causes suspicion in a woman’s mind. 2. Walk Your Talk: If a man says he is going to do something, then he needs to make sure that he does it. Don’t give empty promises. 3. Learn to say “I Don’t Know”: When it comes to a man’s ego, they can’t stand to say “I DON’T KNOW!!!” Women can’t stand when a man thinks he knows EVERYTHING!!! It’s okay to “google it” if you don’t know. 4. Hogging the Remote: When a man just takes complete control over the TV, it’s a simple sign that a man is not interested in the things that his woman likes. Watching sports is cool but not 247. 5. Bringing Up Weight: A woman doesn’t need her man to constantly remind her that she needs to hit the gym. A woman realizes that she has gained a few pounds when the 1st pound hits. Also by a man always bringing up a woman’s weight, it makes it seem that all he cares about is the way she looks and not what she has to offer. Top 5 Things Women Do to Destroy Relationships: 1. The “WHERE ARE YOU” question: When a woman calls a man and the first thing she ask him is “WHERE ARE YOU???” That is annoying. If the woman is asking for a specific reason then that’s understandable but to ask a man who all the time shows that a woman doesn’t trust her man when he’s not with her. 2. The “Who You Talking To” question: When a man is on the phone and this question is asked, men find this to be very rude. Asking this question co-insides with the above question, it shows that a woman doesn’t trust her man and makes a woman appear to be nosy. 3. Nagging: When a woman starts nagging about nothing. If a man hasn’t done what you want him to do and you nag him about it, it’s really not going to get done once a woman starts nagging. 4. Holding a Grudge: When a woman holds a grudge and then tries to bring up all the old stuff in a new argument, that drives a man crazy and makes him non-responsive. 5. Allowing a Man Time to Breathe: Men need time by themselves, to be with friends and family. Men need to feel independent. When a woman doesn’t give a man time to himself then he feels suffocated.

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  41.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 10

    Ichibod The reason the divorce rates in this country are high are for myriad reasons. Many, many people marry the wrong person, for the wrong reasons at the wrong time. Culture, upbringing, finances, you name it - it runs the gamut on why marriages fail. This aside, there are studies that show marriage is not the ideal American arrangement anymore (ask any traditionalist) and they'd say this country has lost the many values "family" it was built upon. The fact is there never was an "American family value." 50/50 loves are a mere portion of the rate of decline in marriages. Co-habitation is the new preferred method. Men and women's roles in the household have changed dramatically as women hold higher paying jobs and juggle careers. I still agree with Rene06 on the severity. The sexes are just different, and I can live with that!

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  42.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 10

    Angel Baby: I do believe men hurt, but I have taken into consideration what each of us deems "love" to be to him/her. That word...doesn't conjure up the same images of happily ever after for everyone. In my opinion "love" has a different meaning for everyone. Some examples are women who stay in abusive relationships, but feel her man loves her because he goes upside her head every now and then. Or the extremely overbearing type who sees the woman as his "property" - and she LIKES IT! love IS RELATIVE and will never have the same meaning or intent for everyone. I too am skeptical about the article as it relates to how severely a man may or may not hurt after a break up. But I believe they can hurt, how much is questionable!!!!

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  43.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 10

    Hi Petite, There can be a 50/50 love, but that's never good for any relationship and why the divorce rate in this country is near 50%. It's all or nothing. That's what causes the hurt. Not someone's ego. A certain someone must not understand what it means to be a real man. The measure of "who hurts more" may have been a stretch, however the pain is usually related to what way a person was hurt. Papercuts hurt less and heal faster than bullet wounds. Never heard of a solider receive a Purple Heart over a bruised ego.

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  44.   Angel_Baby says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 10

    I don't agree with this study either, if men do feel the hurt more accutely, I think it lasts about 5 minutes if it lasts that long. Sorry, I agree with Rene06 it's the ego that's bruised not the heart.

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  45.   PetiteChick says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 10

    I think I must agree with Rene06 on this particular topic. He does mention the vested interest in the relationship which plays a major role on how one handles a break up. Can there ever be a 50/50 love?

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  46.   Rene06 says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 10

    I don't think the pain, and hurt which comes from a breakup is any greater for men, than it is for women. It basically has to do with which person was/is more emotionally involved in the relationship. If men do suffer more, then it's only as a direct result of his ego being bruised. Nothing more.

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  47.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 10

    Exactly, Fkoi. Kind of like why almost every street corner in the hood has a liquor store.

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  48.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 10

    I would say especially with young men of college age I could see truth. To "choose not to deal with things that way" is a cultural thing. Internalizing the pain is no solution. However, we are taught in sports to make the play and then feel the pain so if a hot grounder to a sensitive area can be ignored, what chance does heartache have? Look at the demographics for beer sales and you may have another answer.

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  49.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 10

    James, You're right on the money with this one. I've seen it too many times with myself, friends, and just random dudes. “We’ll cry, show our feelings – when a woman is having a hard time, she has two or three friends she can talk to, to ease the pain. Men have the same feelings and emotions, but they have no outlet,” A man's outlet is usally physical which either lands him in the hospital, jail, or prison and may end up leaving someone or themselves hurt or dead. A man just confessed to murdering his ex last year in my town. How often do we see women take things that far? It's awful, but it happens. Men's feelings and emotions are sadly the most underrated of the two genders.

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  50.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 17 Jun 10

    LOL! James do you honestly believe that study? Is this your version of the hit series 'Believe it or Not'?! I do not believe the results of that study,it's a load of crock! Could you imagine some young college guy,dating this chick for a while,things go sour after a bit and he sits and grieves,man he'd be looking for the next best thing before I can even submit this comment! May the blessings be!

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