Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Older white men, younger black women... Is it wrong?

Posted by Christelyn, 09 Feb 15

Interracial Dating has made some dramatic strides relatively quickly. Just think…people are still alive to remember the landmark decision of Lovings vs. State of Virginia, when a couple fought up to the Supreme Court for the right to stay married to each other! Yet, millennials—young adults in their 20’s and 30’s—might not have any idea about how hard it was for interracial couples to survive with the world was literally against them. While a recent Gallup poll reported that 87% of Americans approve of black-white marriage, only 4% of Americans approved of such unions in 1958. Can you imagine? Nearly ALL Americans polled during that time period did not support their marriages!

It’s hard to imagine, and there’s often a lack of understanding and empathy for adults who have discovered later in life that they could exercise certain preferences. Sometimes these adults are met with suspicion and harsh judgements about why they weren’t “brave” enough or “gutsy” enough to stand up to the opposition. These assumptions and judgements are simply not fair. Some perspectives is necessary. Allow me to explain:

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A slew of men came to the channel to share their stories, and I thought it would be appropriate to share them here:

From Darrell G…

"I am one of those guys you speak of, when I met my black girlfriend she was 25 and I was 35. So yeah, we tend to go for younger, mainly because if we have been in a long term relationship…we want to go back to living life. The life and options that weren’t always present. I agree one thousand percent on what Christelyn spoke on. Its not that BW are second string. Its because we were all lied to. We were all told to stay on our side of the road, and God forbid you cross that line. This image is still being perpetuated within the black community, sadly. Example-That WM just want BW for booty calls. Or that WM have ulterior motives. It couldn’t be that we find them beautiful, and want to pursue that as far as we can go… Yes, part of it is biology, such as wanting a woman that can produce children. I am not blaming BW for this disconnect. Like I said, there is a lot of mis-information floating around. If you are a younger woman, and don’t want a man my age, fine. Just be polite about it, and we will move on to someone who does…!!! Its not a big deal, unless you make it one."

From ‘Trail Blazer’

"Hi Christelyn,this video is head on.Your intro nails the awkward times years ago. Me I dated and eventually got married! It was 1980 we met.1982 We tied the knot. Back then was a world away,almost a different planet than it is today.I went through some serious situations from family & friends.None was good.We were disowned by all,both sides of the family’s,except her father & my parents.We often got into verbal assaults from former neighbors(Thought were friends) I known since I was in diapers! Racism has deep tentacles I discovered.We lasted over seventeen years,that in and of itself is a miracle in these days. Sabotage our relationship ushered in banishment/Isolation.We & our children were socially Isolated from family,in school my daughter often found herself getting jumped for just being different.(She won 99% of the fights even though she was out numbered)The other children were black! My oldest daughter I adopted is black and I came into her life at the age of 6,months.Moving on it wasn’t always bad but the years rolled on and our marriage foundered for the typical reasons nothing to do with the race issue.But the struggle was real,looking back must say the social isolation took its toll.Last of all even my job treated me different when they knew whom I married.I got the worst truck,keep me out late at night.I was a E.M.T racism coming from every sector of my life.This reply is getting long.Ill just say the times are way better today.Like you said here,most younger people have not lived through that world.Today I’m a few months entering my 60,Th.Year young..LOL I been single for 20,Years still looking but ill stay in my back yard of close age! I have casual acquaintances with lady’s (They come to me,don’t know why but they do) in their mid-thirty’s.Guess as you said they like being treated like a Queen (Old School) Its a day out for me better than sitting home in my rocking chair. LOL Just enjoy talking to younger people.Any way Peep”s there is my (Abbreviated) story.Hence: My screen name”TrailBlazer” I surly was.Very happy seeing these time change in a Big way.Keep up the Great Work Christelyn."

From Adam W.

"You should not have an issue with someone who was made to feel uncomfortable about pursuing or not pursuing an attraction in the last 10 year or longer ago. Times were much different then and it is extremely difficult to go after something when you know that you will be attacked on all sides. I was attacked by black women even 10 years ago about my attraction. I was told I was wasting my time. I was told I would never find a black woman who would be interested in getting married to me. This topic of conversation is extremely relevant to all of us. In order to be more sensitive and respectful and open to us all, we must make an attempt to see things from the other perspective. When I began dating black women, it never crossed my mind that some black women would equate me with the slave owners from America’s past and how we mistreated black women all through our nation’s history. It is a valid thought and feeling to have. Doesn’t apply to me as I am a good, decent man, but I will not judge or ridicule any black man or woman for feeling that way. All I can do is lead by example. Tolerance and understanding of each other and our struggles is what is needed to heal the wounds of time."

From Mark:

"From my perspective I wasn’t in the company of black women and was culturally divided from black women and it wasn’t until I was older was I lucky enough to be in the company of black women to learn how beautiful and wonderful they are. Very good insight Christelyn ..we have been literally separated economically and socially. It wasn’t until I began to work in NYC did my world open up."

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

16 responses to "Older white men, younger black women... Is it wrong?"

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  1.   lalapantrix says:
    Posted: 24 Feb

    Age is just a number, so u may find a white older man who is more understandable. But all in all wat we want, is a true love.

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  2.   Sammi_D says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 16

    Not at all! If the relationship is based on mutual interest then no problem. So long no one is taking advantage of the other.

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  3.   Julep says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 16

    I find that many older white men that I encounter are appealing. They aren't threatened by my education, my career nor my sexuality. Can't go wrong with that open mindedness.

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  4. Posted: 13 Oct 16

    No. you never want to appear as if you are " leering ". However ,an older man's experience and life work compliments and augments a younger woman. It should always be a meeting of minds above all

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  5.   Uno_Kay says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 16

    Love is love, age ant nothing but a number

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  6. Posted: 22 Aug 16

    Age is only a number. Provided the two people involved are happy with each other, that is what truly matters.

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  7.   Glowful says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 16

    There's nothing wrong with bw dating older wm. I find that the older wm that I've dated are more secure in his thinking and his convictions. He's not concerned with trying to make everyone else happy about his relationships. I'm treated very lovingly with the utmost respect by older wm. I've gotten harsh looks, reactions, snickering from other black people. Even with the age difference, myself and the older wm have no problem connecting on many intellectual or physical levels.

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  8. Posted: 22 May 16

    No, but maybe because I love a man that is around my age or older.

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  9.   Eboqueen says:
    Posted: 06 May 16

    I met my older white man on this site, and I absolutely adore him. He is 8 years older than I am, I'm 33, he is 41. He is so sweet and romantic. Did I mention he fine too? Lol. I prefer the older men because they know what they want in life. They aren't trying to find themselves. They have found there own success in their career fields. And they always have a bit more respect for us women.

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  10. Posted: 24 Feb 16

    I've always dated older white men. I Love It!!! :) This is my preference and I am certainly okay with it. Therefore, it is okay to date whomever you want, but more importantly who makes you feel good inside and out. The one whom you can connect with on many levels and let him what you are feeling. It is my belief that if we stop being insecure and insure in ourselves and build healthy, emotional and intellectual relationships with each other it won't matter his age or whether it's right or wrong. You will be enjoying each other and the undeniable connection or chemistry you share, together. I'm still hopeful!! Go for it all you older men and the women who crave, desire, and want YOU!!! ;)

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  11.   justouch says:
    Posted: 17 Feb 16

    Well I can say that I'm a 59 year old white male. I've been dating black women all my life. I have 3 mixed sons. The age can be an issue for some people. It must be discussed so that the 2 people involved are comfortable with it. I've dated younger and older women. It just depends on the 2 people involved.

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  12.   penelope77 says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 15

    AGE is an anagraphy when it comes to relationships. everything depends on whom you are going out with which comes with different baggages. i have been with a white man who is 23yrs older than me who happens to be so timid, cannot even protect or defend me from all these society sycophants who gossips like hell. so it all depends some can be interesting and loving while some can be ugrrrrrrrrrrrr gush. Just ask God to show you yours.

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  13.   866486 says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 15

    I think choosing whom to be with is a matter of oneself....if there are older white men available why not grab one for myself coz this young guys dont know the meaning of love.

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  14. Posted: 05 Aug 15

    I have to be honest, I've been told that I have a youthful spirit. Everybody thinks my younger sister is older than me so if I were to date an older man it might not work. I feel younger than my age and he'll feel like he's dating a 20something lol But my best friend married an older man and they're still going strong so there may be something to it...

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  15.   lycious1 says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 15

    No its not wrong and in fact am looking for one,someone serious

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