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Mr/Mrs wrong could be right

Posted by Ria, 18 Dec

mr-right.jpg“Why is it so hard to meet the perfect spouse?᾿ Does this sound like anyone you know; or you perhaps?

You have searched for your perfect one but nothing has come out of it. Don’t you think its time you peered more closely to Mr. or Mrs. Potential? Fine so he’s not exactly the type you had your eyes on. But before you shove the middle finger in his face, it won’t hurt to take a second look.

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Most people are pressed to define what makes a spouse normal and some even unleash a laundry list of criteria. “5 feet 10, younger than 33 but older than me, well built, decent full-time job᾿ e.t.c. Its no surprise to hear that the last time you had a real date, Queen Elizabeth was just some groovy chic.

Sometimes we are so engrossed in finding this ‘package’ that we let a lot of nice people – almost perfect – just pass us by. All we do is put labels on people and just weed out potential mates in search for that ‘package’. “Oh! She’s too tall᾿, “He’s white᾿, “She’s too skinny᾿, “He’s too old᾿. And while at it, you run the risk of cutting off a perfect connection with that ‘less than perfect’ someone who could have enriched your life.

Look at most people who are against interracial relationships for example. You might have met this person at some party and had a real connection. BUT, Oh NO! He or she is not someone of your race. And while your friends nudge you to this person you put a full stop with “You know I don’t date outside my race.᾿ And there goes the chance of a perfect relationship.

Sometimes, Mr. Unemployed may not bring home the bacon but before you bolt, try to find out why he is unemployed. He probably just quit his unsatisfying job and is searching for greener pastures.

So he or she is divorced – damaged goods we like to say. Look at it this way; he or she doesn’t have fear of commitment like most men do especially. Try finding out if he or she is still bitter about it to move on. Most divorcees actually mature from their divorces and turn into better spouses. So if they still respect their exes, then at least you know you will get respected too.

Then there are the long distance partners. You think he is great but he lives half a continent away. Cross-country love isn’t that bad. And looking at success stories that come by as a result of online dating, then you need not to worry. You may find that it may be more fulfilling than a face-to-face relationship because you pack all appreciations and passion for each other in short but intense stretches. And if you are the independent type, hallelujah to that. Focus on the positives like say you don’t fight so much.

Pardon me for using this example but for the sake of this article, there are those we think are ugly but nice. You have checked out everything on your list except the looks. Remember ‘Beauty and the Beast’? Beast won Beauty’s heart and you went ewww! coz you just aren’t crazy about dating someone who is beautiful on the inside.

Even if the frog doesn’t turn into a prince when you kiss him, people who see themselves as plain looking develop other parts of their personality which are necessary for a good relationship to thrive on. Remember, familiarity doesn’t always breed contempt – it often breeds acceptance. Go out on two or three dates before you let yourself miss out on one great opportunity. You may be surprised at how un-superficial you really are.

Then there’s the cute but dumb; if only he had a brain… "So he’s not a Harvard graduate" … "so she’s blonde"... But did you ever stop to think that this person could be emotionally smart or creative or street smart? If you look inside yourself you may find that just maybe, your apprehension stems from your fear of what others will think.

But then again, wouldn't life be boring with someone who talks the same as you and everyone in your social circle? You never know, this person you want to dismiss can teach you things you will live to thank them for.

Then there are the never-been-married in their 40s. My mum used to tell me if I ever met such a guy, then he must be having some problem. Does this make them like some debris being pushed out to sea? I don’t think so. Maybe this is just a person who is more realistic about romance than those that walk down the aisle prematurely and divorce before the honeymoon’s over.

Don’t write people off too soon. Take a deeper look and understand why he or she is still a lone wolf. He or she may have just been waiting for the right person to come along: YOU! ;-)

Tags: Mr. Right, Mrs. Right, searching for love

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  1.   smiletellsit says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 09

    Bravo bereal4me! Well said. You nailed it. The stereotypes are destroying people's chances of finding Mr./Ms. Right. Men have the most difficult time with this. They get an idea in their head (of some media-driven fantasy) and be darned if they can shake it, until they spend time with the woman. They just don't appreciate what's right in front of them and make all sorts of excuses to justify it. Such a shame. Consolation is they end up lonely or get their fantasy and then she turns about to be the biggest nightmare, then they're alone again. Serves them right if they don't learn from their erred ways. Date the woman for her content. Nothing on the outside every lasts anyway.

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  2.   bereal4me says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 09

    Great reading. I like NFL24's comments too. I am bothered by men who like me once they get to know me, but at first didn't want to date me because of my size. I am NOT a HUGE woman, yes overweight, but not big. I am attractive, but have been turned down because of my size. How do I know? WEll, I have had nice men to tell me so. THEY never took the time to find out about ME, my desires, my abilities, my intelligence...but then I realized something. I realized that I am glad. That must have meant he is not the one for me. The one for me would not be so darned shallow. Truth is, I would rather him tell me now that he is concerned about my weight and his non attraction to large women, than to cheat on me with someone with his desired body type. I am sexy with or without the weight. To stereotype me just because of that shows ignorance on his level. Even my profile says I don't mind exercising. I just need extra motivation. I do exercise. NOT ALL heavy women just sit up and eat bon-bons and cookies all day. I am in better shape than some of my smaller friends. My trainer says that. NOw see, you would not even know I had a trainer right, just by judging me from my cover. I am told I am a pretty woman, smart, a good woman, etc..but simply because I need to lose 50 lbs, I am not a candidate. So I can relate to the article alot. I have also turned down men who were not for me, as well. So, I have been in both shoes. I understand we ALL have some type of attraction need. I know I do. A man has to have SOMETHING I like on the outside. Maybe his cleanliness, his confidence is key. So is mine. (smile) Ladies and Gentlemen, I have learned that confidence is key. Good looks don't always make good books. Inner beauty can sometimes overpower outer beauty. I dated someone who was not particularly attractive, but he moved out of state. He seemed to be a good man, but neither of us was willing to have a long distance relationship. So it works both ways.

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  3.   nfl24 says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 08

    Even though we try and not say we don't don't because of our preferences we still do and just look at us we are not happy at all and there are more and more break ups then ever. So just think about how far someone that is good looking or they are tall, not fat. Just look at how many sexy women are on dating sites trying to find dates. Just think about it

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  4.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 08

    I agree: while we all have preferences, we have to be open enough to possibly find someone we weren't even looking for. They may just have that "x" factor & we find ourselves thinking about them constantly. It can be very exciting to be attracted to someone we never expected to like so much. Expectations of race, age, size etc. fade away when you have "that" feeling in your belly & your brain.

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  5.   tigerlilies says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 08

    It's good to have standards and ideals, but if you live by them you could be passing the right person up.

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  6.   cowboy says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 08

    I am widowed, a great person, well employed, good looking,educated, financially secure,yada yada yada. I have a hard time getting a first date and rarely get a second. Why? because I am honest about caring for a mentally retarded twelve year old daughter. There are enough roadblocks to love without adding the stuff that doesn't matter like race or height or looks. But I guess that is why I am sitting home with my daughter on Saturday night.

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  7.   nfl24 says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 08

    People are always looking for Mr/Mrs right. Well I think you need to examine what it is you want out of the relationship first. First think about this when asked the famous question what are you looking for most replies are I want Mr/Mrs right,they have to good looking have to be tall etc etc. Now most peolpe hate to admit or don't realize that you are not dating for yourself you are dating for friends,family then maybe you. Ex You always want to bring home the sexy girl from the party to meet friends or at lounges or which ever. Ladies just think about this for a second before you blast me on this you are going out for the evening with girlfriends you get all dressed up looking hot. You looking for someone who is hot got a job sense of humor all criteria women look for. (This goes for men also)when you walk in to a place all eyes will be focus on you and what happens is everyone thinks that they are your compatible partner so they approach you and they just get shutdown. Now I am not saying attraction doesn't count for anything just saying that we all tend to find more negitive ways of not finding the right person then to find postive ways. Ask yourself this people you say you want Mr/Mrs right are dating the people you are looking for and it hasn't worked out. Don't maybe just maybe you need to change your criteria somewhat. Also think about this for a minute you want Mr/Mrs right and we have eliminated not all but most of us 1-Race- we are attracted to only particular race so how much does this eliminates your search finding Mr/Mrs right 2-Height- Not everyone is 5" 6" 7" feet tall how much does that eliminates 3-Sexual preference- how many women and men being gay does this eliminates 4-Looks- What you consider hot eliminates how many people 5- how many men live in different states or countries that you will never get to meet. My advise is to communicate with people even if the attraction is not there. You don't know what can happen maybe you might have great chemistry. You never know unless you try it out.

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  8.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 08

    I just told my girl friend this yesterday...losen up...date...have fun...you don't have to marry the guy! LOL Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  9.   Rivax says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 08

    Mr or Mrs right... hmm hmm i really doubt if only mr or mrs right exist. A perfect mr right or mrs right is a person who forgets the word ego or locks his or her ego into a safe. It is better to meet mr or mrs wrong with a touch of rightness than mr or mrs right giving out a fragance of wrongness.

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  10.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 05 Jan 08

    You are a WISE person vt33, WISE person!

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  11.   Cheriecoco says:
    Posted: 01 Jan 08

    Excellent reply Vt33. By so doing, we save a piece of ourselves that could have turned bitter. Great posts you guys.

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  12.   vt33 says:
    Posted: 23 Dec 07

    This one is pretty simple folks, read between the lines. Those of you who are tired of dating butt holes. Look at it from this persepective, every butt hole you have dated, has disappointed you in someone or hurt you in another. Mr and or Mrs Right, does not come in the format of dating. He or she will come to you when it is time. Every pain we suffer in life, is a lesson in each of our individual lives. I learned thru a bad relationship how to spot a narcist. That was my lesson, I learned and moved on. Dating now I learn to see people who are just basically selfish, I also learned to spot gold diggers too, and yes ladies, men are gold diggers too. Easy to see, everyone woman knows a guy, who always have women, cooking somthing for them and bringing it to them. Look at work, men who sit around, and a nice lady who may be smitten, brings them a cup of coffee and he accepts, but only offers, to sit with her during lunch, or talk to her during a break. I also learned it's one thing to talk a big long game. It's another to play all the innnings and win in overtime. Lessons, don't call them losers, they are lessons. Once the man above, feels you have completed the required curriculm, he will send you your Mr or Mrs. Right. Happy Holidays

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  13.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 07

    Yours truly Fala and Coco!!

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  14.   fala says:
    Posted: 20 Dec 07

    Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and support Coco and Mossimo. I can always count on you two!

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  15.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 07

    Best of luck in your search Fala.....be sure to pack a lunch!!

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  16.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 07

    This article is a great example of why we should not judge a book by its cover. Great reading here!

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  17.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 07

    Hey Fala, unfortunately the only way you are going to meet Mr. Perfect is by going to heaven. I'll tell you his name though...Jesus :) Happy Holidays!

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  18.   fala says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 07

    I'm still holding out for Mr. Perfect. If anybody knows him, tell him to email me ASAP. I'm sick of all these losers I've been going out with.

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