Is snooping on your partner’s phone necessary in relationships?

Posted by James, 03 Mar

snooping on partnerI have seen seemingly good relationships gone bad simply because someone couldn’t keep their paws to themselves and went fishing for trouble on their partner’s phone. And even when the relationships don’t go down the drain, the couples are forced to deal with trust issues and the never ending urge to snoop.

People snoop for various reasons. Some do it because they have a strange feeling that something fishy is going down. Others for reassurance. And for some …well... “Why did she ignore that phone call?” And the problem is, when you go fishing for trouble, you will catch it eventually. But should we really blame these tiny gadgets for stirring most relationship conflicts today?

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Naomi James, marriage therapist, Oasis Africa Counseling Institute, believes the phones are not to blame for such marital problems, but that people start snooping because a problem already exists in the relationship. She says, “If you have to sneak around your partner looking for tell tale signs and messages, then there is an issue of mistrust in your relationship already”.

Most snoopers confess to having had a rosy outlook of their relationships before the snooping changed all that to THORNY! They found trouble on those little gadgets. I don’t advocate for snooping on my partner. In fact I go by the “What you don’t know won’t hurt you” attitude. Some might call this being in denial and I somehow agree.

If for example snooping actually confirms your fears that your partner is being unfaithful and the relationship goes downhill, people who share my outlook feel it’s the snoop’s fault. He/she got what they were looking for and deserves every outcome of it. Then again, snooping may have helped this person realize that they were being taken for a ride. And much as not knowing doesn’t hurt, maybe knowing early enough may have prevented them from further hurt and harm? But does this justify snooping? Does this make snooping a necessary part of every relationship?

A friend of mine feels that if you are in a relationship where you feel the constant need to be a sniffer dog, then you have no business being in it in the first place. “What kind of relationship is that where you feel it necessary to play detective against the person you claim to love… the person you are supposed to trust most?” he wonders. The thing is he feels if a person is in the habit of cheating, they will be caught even without having been snooped on. But isn’t that sometimes a little too late? May be … Yes!

What if you don’t trust your partner and just want some reassurance? What then? Leave?

4 responses to "Is snooping on your partner’s phone necessary in relationships?"

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  1.   EarthAngel3 says:
    Posted: 11 Mar 11

    Playing with the heart is serious, no matter in what format.

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  2.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 07 Mar 11

    Be careful when you go looking because you may find what you're looking for! My intuition is good enough, I dont need to go looking through her cell phone. If something don't feel right 9 times out of 10 it aint right and you go from there. I cant stand a woman that snoops around looking for shit, trust is everything to me and if a woman cant trust me I dont want her wasting my time or hers and I want her gone. If a person has trust issues due to past relationships then they're not ready for a new relationship. I used to have a female cousin leave me text messages just to see if a woman is snooping and more than a few women went for the bate and earned their walking papers only to end up look crazy as hell when they found out that they'd been set up.

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  3.   Orange94 says:
    Posted: 05 Mar 11

    Two years ago I dated a man who started acting squirrely on month before we broke up. We had a deal, a pact: if one wanted out, we'd tell the other with respect. One weekend I was at his condo he kept going to different rooms to use his phone. Also, that night, he chose to get super duper drunk & finally admitted that he didn't want me to come over to see him anymore. Sure, we're done, I said, in the morning I'm gone never to return (train station was closed). After he passed out drunk I took a look at his phone and my feelings were confirmed:he'd been 'sexting' a lady, taking her for sushi and movies and spoke to her only hours before! In retrospect he was a liar faker and a wimp. In the future I'll continue to clearly communicate with men and let them know from jump street: all he has to do is say good-bye and not sneak around, I'll say nice meeting you, goodbye. Peace

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  4.   glittergem says:
    Posted: 04 Mar 11

    I agree with the friend who said that if a person feels compelled to invade his/her partner's privacy, there's a problem in the relationship. We all have intuition, and if people are unfaithful, there are usually signs. Not to mention the deterioration of the relationship. I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship with a man I couldn't trust. Also, if we're in a relationship, there's so much we can do to either nurture or destroy trust. It's up to each person to earn trust, not only by being honorable, but by showing concern and love when the other person has doubts or fears.

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