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Is "life harder" for some interracial combos?

Posted by James, 04 Nov

When Robyn (White) was dating a Latino man, she didn’t get a flack for it. But when she married a Black man, there was humiliation and, in one instance, physical violence. Friends abandoned her and her father disowned her.

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According to a Washington Post article on interracial marriage far more Black/White interracial couples believe that "life is harder" for them than Asian/White or Latino/White (Well apparently the post sees interracial couple as a couple where one member is White. Interracial couples of color aren’t discussed.)

Do Black/White couples face more humiliation and rejection than Asian/White or Latino/White? Do other interracial combos have it easy?

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29 responses to "Is "life harder" for some interracial combos?"

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  1.   wonka says:
    Posted: 05 Mar 10

    Life is much harder for specific interracial couples that's the world we live in,and it will NEVER END!!.

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  2.   why says:
    Posted: 16 Feb 10

    I just dont understand black men. Iam a black women who is with and in love with this black man who tells me how he dont really like dateing black women.Iam like dude look at me look at your mother do you really have a problem with are skin.Then sometimes i think he believe white women are better than back women.But when he dates white grils he miss the real thing from us sexy ass black women who are not afraid of nothing...

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  3.   Member says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 09

    ....and there we have it. "Spot ad" has just proven my point. A black man with a white woman is THE MOST hated couple on the planet. Thats why BM/WW celebes get so much media attention. Robert Di Niro and many other stars are with black women, but nobody cares, they get no coverage. Trust me, nothing gets a whiteman more upset than a blackman with 'his' woman.

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  4.   Spotad says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 09

    I'm sry but from my view black men should not be with white girls. Not to say all black guys are bad but alot of black guys use white girls just to get back at us descent hardworking whiteguys. I also hate when white girls are ok with letting a black guy disrespect them or in some cases abuse them. WAKE UP WHITE GIRLS!!!! Stop dating stupid ghetto black guys! Makes me sick!

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  5.   SimplyMe says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    In the year I have dated my man - me w and him b.. we have never encountered hostility nor the "looks" of any kind... and we have been in, at the very least, 10 different cities and in the boondocks of the NE and weast coast. Never any remarks, looks or other.

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  6.   Pdunc001 says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 09

    Just keep showing love love conqurs all.

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  7.   segahikui says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    To gussiegirl, I know how folks can be when it comes to black/white unions. I got it fom both sides when I dated a white woman 7 years ago. There was an incident when my girlfriend and I went out to dinner. We sat next to this young white couple. The guy gave me a dirty look, whispered to his girlfriend and stormed out pulling her in tow. I wss a little shocked at this but not shaken up. I just said: "I guess we'll have a little more privacy." We laughed about it later. We then went on the train to go back to my house. Whites and blacks alike gave us dirty looks especially when she put her hand in mine. I didn't go through that when I dated Latino or even an Asian girl.I got some stares mainly from blacks but not whites. My mom told me that back in the day, the white woman was put on a pedestal. I guess that meant the black man was the door mat LOL. Anyway, the white woman could only be touched or even looked at by a white man.A black man could be killed for just looking at a white woman.Some still see it that way now. A white woman is somehow denigrating herself and considered "damaged goods " if she dates a black man or worse if she has children by one. Tnese occurences only have this negative connotation if the man is black. However in the past they were shunned if they were if they were captured or lived with Native Americans as well. The biggest stigma resides with the black/white union. Now I don't exclusively date any particular race. I love the variety of everything the Creator has put on the Earth. I go by personality,attractiveness,carriage of ones self etc. It's a shame that to this day people are still caught up on color. Man is the only creature that is hung up on color. Birds, dogs, horses etc. don't care about that. We as the "supposedly" most intelligent beings on Earth, are also so idiotic as to ignore the basic laws that govern the Universe. Its a pity.

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  8.   segahikui says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    Hello all, I'm a newbie on this site but I thought I would put my 2 cents in any way. There is definitely a racial hierarchy in this country. I agree with the fact that skine tone,facial features and hair texture has a lot to do with it. I am a light skinned black guy although my remote ancestry has some native american and irish as well. Getting back on topic,whites and blacks are the most different phenotypically. This is one of the reasons that there is so much of an uproar over the black/white unions. Asians,whites,Latinos (mixed native/white) and even Native Americans are closer physically than whites and blacks. In other words there is more contrast. I also agree that the legacy of slavery has been hardwired into many peoples minds over the centuries.This in turn fueled the racism that we see today. The lighter skinned peoples tend to group together and look down on the darker ones. You can see this in India,the Islamic countries,Latin America and of course the good ol'USA. America wss settled in the 17th century and slavery didnt end until 1865. Thats over two hundred years of mental conditioning for both whites and blacks alike. Superiority complex developed in many whites and non whites were deemed inferior. However,as more peoples came to America there became a pecking order based on outward appearance. I dont want to go too much into history but a lot of people want to forget the past. This is a grave error. You shouldn't forget the past rather you should learn from it. Hence,the old adage of "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." I'm sorry to have to say this, but its gonna take at least a century to clean this toxin out of Americas system. Slavery,genocide of the American Indian, and so on only happened 145 years ago. Thats a drop in the bucket of time. We still have a long way to go. Ignorance,racial superiority(even though subconcious more so now)and blatant racism still abound in our country. I wish that everbody would get off this racial bullsh*t and come together, but the reality is many people still feel that way even though many don't say it out loud. Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I think that we should stay realistic about things while we make efforts to make changes. Just trying to keep it real

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  9.   talia says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 09

    America has race issues specially towards blacks, remenber blacks (not the majority) were brought to the States by forced ,some came here as immigrants but in the mind of the white people all of them are have a slave ancestry.In Europe the history is different , many Europeans date and marry blacks , to them the darker the more exotic.I know a black American women who is married to a European men from Switzeland , his family most of them of German ancesty accepted and welcome her with open arms .What is a latino? something people in the States doesn't seem to know is that a latino can be white , black , asian , indian and arab , but most are of indian, black and white ancentry , the same with Asians , black Asians do exist and some have black ancenstry , some people in these world are part black .Americans are still very ignorant ,lots of white people marry blacks in the UK .What Americans don't seem to realise is that many are not of pure race , some whites are part black , indian and some blacks are part white and indian , it seem like people asume they are for the most part pure race ,low self steem has also to do with their behavior and by the way America was meant to be for the white race and white is worship here , much more then in some parts of Europe , so in the States the whiter and lighter is better then darker.

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  10.   gussiegirl says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 09

    The only other black man I dated, which is the one I mentioned in the first sentence, draws a LOT of negative attention. BTW, with that I meant that at times I felt IN DANGER when out with him - redneck white people (especially men) would just stare, and not in a good way. I would have worried more if he hadn't been physically stronger than all of them. Also, it bothered me FAR more than it bothered him -I guess he's been dealing with this his whole life. It's a rude shock, realizing just how different the world can seem from a person's eyes who is something other than Caucasian (in this country). You don't really realize that until you date someone who's not Caucasian (in my world, anyway). It's not fair, and I feel sad/angry about it. I'm even annoyed at whatever lingering misconceptions that I may possess, and am trying very hard to get rid of them.

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  11.   gussiegirl says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 09

    I must say, that I have had the WORST time since dating a very dark man. I had dated a mixed guy with dreadlocks (like three races - 1/2 Black/East Indian/1/2 white) but to everyone he seemed "black", and only had one negative incident, but that was when we ventured out of the city and into the county because his friends wanted to go to the fair. Some guy said a nasty thing to us because we were dancing together, and another (white) man stood up for us later, which was nice. The only other black man I dated, which is the one I mentioned in the first sentence, draws a LOT of negative attention. In some ways. I have moved to a smaller town (away from the city), and we get weird looks all of the time. My (supposed) "best friend" dumped me after calling him the N-word (yes, I'm serious - like 8 times - it was horrible). I walked out on her for that, and since then she has ostracized the whole art department against me (for a fake reason - nobody wants to admit they're racist). I also notice startled expressions that I never noticed before (from people I wouldn't expect, like professors). I mentioned the incident to someone just today, and he said, "Well, I'm RACIST but I wouldn't judge someone else for their decisions." I just got such a bad taste in my mouth. I have run across so many racist people in this area - you never know, either. I think part of it has to do with how dark the person is, unfortunately. I think dark skin is pretty. But the attitude in this town is just nasty and I can't wait to get out - move back to the city where things are calmer. Bible Belt my A$$. One good thing is that I have learned SO MUCH about racism since living in my (old) "hometown" for 3 years. I am originally Canadian - my mother is from Alberta and my dad from Louisiana, so I got a strange mix of "we don't mind what color he is as long as he loves the Lord" and "it's better to marry a person of your own race for the children's sake". As far as I can see, it's only a problem now because of ignorant ugly racist people, and I will find my true love amongst all of the races of the world. If people DO treat us differently, it is our opportunity to show them a better way. Right now, though, I am still dealing with the anger and shock at how chock full of ignorant people this Bible Belt town is...

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  12.   Smile4242 says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 09

    I hate to say it, but there is a definite hierarchy of races according to some people. There race is always on top, of course, but it usually goes something like this: White Asian Hispanic Native Black or sometimes: Asian White Hispanic Native Black The common trend being this: the lighter you are the better. And the really sad thing is that this color hierarchy is not just followed by some Whites and Asians, but also by some Hispanics, Natives and Blacks. Marrying lighter is marrying up, and marrying darker is a disgrace, and the darker, the worse. I personally do not follow or believe in this hierarchy of colors, but I have to live with the fact that many people do, including supposedly "non-racist" friends and associates, who are okay with me dating a Asian or Hispanic but get weird if I were to date a Black woman. I guess they are only partially non-racist. So, it is true that certain combinations would be easier than others (based on societal pressure and people's opinions). A Latina marrying a White guys is often considered marrying up for the Latina in some circles, but a White male marrying a Black female would be considered marrying beneath him in some circles. But what it comes down to is what you want to create, and whether the love you feel is deep enough to break through all those stupid ideas about race and color. Don't listen to them. Follow what is in your heart.

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  13.   ShellyPoo says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 09

    You need to grow up and not settle for BS from any man - race is'nt the issue,your lack common sense and maturity are the issues. The FIRST time he engaged in ANY form of abuse YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT. By going back to him, you gave him permission to treat you that way.

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  14.   thekid47 says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 09

    Good Lord..I am right there with you Tatted, my prayers go out for you, scarykat. No one has a right to lay a single finger on you, and you need to have the confidence in yourself to look for a person who will treat you as decent human being, and you have to love and value yourself. blessings to you and hope for the new year..

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  15.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 08

    Alrighty...first of all I question the age/maturity of the person that would post such drivel. I am sincerely sorry that they have experienced what appears to be a very abousive relationship. But what does that have to do with the race of the man you dated?? ....And why you think you were treated the way you were???...You permitted it. Why do you think you got nothing from this man (except some good sex)????. Basically you got what you asked for....NOTHING. That would have happened if he was white....TRUST ME ON THAT ONE. ....And whether or not you stay away from this particular guy, I really do hope you get some help or find some other way to find the love within yourself......no man, regardless of color, will be able to do that for you. Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  16.   scarykat says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 08

    ugh, my very first bf, i broke up with two months ago, was black.we were kinda like heidi klum/seal. but there was none of that affection and sense of togetherness i've heard of about that couple.well,it wasn't easy for me. he was 2 years my junior and neede a momma. he wanted me to take care of him, take him out...do stuff for him, give him presents....what i wanted from him was mere attention, u know, hugs and kisses now and then, but i never got even that. i never asked him to take me out on a real date, not once,and he never even stirred about that,ok, he told me right away he didn't trust me. when he lied, i could see he was lying, bu he said i was numb nuts or a dumb bitch to think he's a liar...of course there was violence, both verbal and physical.he still, i guess, owns a pair of brass knuckles. black eye, anyone? he was extremely jealous and shady, but very funny and smart. that's what he was...amazing as a lover, but nothing to shout about as a friend.i tried to break up with him like, millions of times, so did he, but every time either of us came back,and we proceded with this wrong, totally wrong affair, but he was my very first man..and now...i got the breakup blues for him, and when i start thinking of some body else getting access to my body rather than that black dude...i feel weird.but i hope it was the right thing to do.o mean, the breakup.

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  17.   luvmybrownboy says:
    Posted: 11 Dec 08

    I am a white woman (jew) with my incredible, beautiful Phillipino boyfriend of 2 years. Funny, because one cannot necessarily "see" my minority. I agree with just about everyone on this site. I don't give a rip what people think of who I love. "LOVE SEE NO COLOR!!! My wise grandma always said "Predjudice is a form of voluntary ignorance, it is a shipwrecked mind". I am so grateful she left me that legacy, as I have done so with my son. It's important that we dispel ignorance. Had I not been raised this way, I would not be with this wonderful man, nor he with me.

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  18.   goldielox6 says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 08

    I am white and I recently divorced a spanish man and I didn't get any looks the way I got when I started dating a black man my jr.7 years,but I enjoyed every minuet of it and I had no cares when I was w/ him because I was happy and thats all that mattered.

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  19.   goldielox6 says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 08

    I recently divorced a spanish man and I didn't get any looks the way I got when I started dating a black man my jr.7 years,but I enjoyed every minuet of it and I had no cares when I was w/ him because I was happy and thats all that mattered.

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  20.   free33 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 08

    I haven't had problems but I freely admit I may be a poor test sample. See I don't care so I really don't notice. The woman I am going to end up with is going to have to understand that her family, my family, the world ANYBODY, Is not allowed in our circle. That was the case when I dated Black women, It goes now that I have expanded my horizons. Not much difrferent in the Black community. They just seperate by class or financial station but its the same garbage. Its judging someone by something other than getting to know their heart and it's BS. Color is just another title for it. You love who you love and whoever can't deal, Family or not you are better off without them. Question : Do you think these people are going to change should you Marry? Have children? Better to cut the fat from the bone early and live happy with the person of your choice. Racism, Bigotry, Predjudice, Only have power when the target of such Garbage gives it to them. Be happy life is too short to deal with Idiots baggage and let's keep it real just because it's daddy or Momma , Grandpa or Nanna, Racist shyt is racist shyt.

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  21.   ZuZu21 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 08

    In this matter I believe history speaks for itself. At one point I thought it was truly a sickness/hatred that only ran malignant in the minds and hearts of "white" people, that simply drove them to the point of madness and hysteria when it came to seeing a "white" person and a "black" person together and in love.....no, no, no I now believe this occurs in most relationship when a person of African descent is involved. It apparently is a disease that has metastastisized to our "brothers and sisters" of a lighter hueas well. You know the ones that think that if they are not "black" then they are okay with "white" people.I'm not attempting to make a generalized statement here, what I am saying is that some people will make their feeling known with less than positive comments and or actions when it comes to a "black" with anyone other than black. I truly believe as well that for the most part "whites" get more pressure to stay within their "race" than others and as a woman in her now "middle years" I am approached now more than ever by "white" men in their "middle years". When asked why did'nt you date IR when you were younger their response for the most part is "pressure" from family, friends, and career. I used to think it was wonderful but hard to be black in this America, now I am beginning to believe it was no easier being white, red, yellow, or brown especially when you have to restrain yourself from being who you are or being with who you want to be with for the sake of others. Bottom line....we are not promised tomorrow embrace today and be strong, live and love the way you want to.

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  22.   Performer65 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 08

    I'm ex-military and an entertainer. I've had the wonderful pleasure to travel the world several times over and have been exposed to many different cultures and backgrounds of people. My girlfriend is Chinese and for some reason, that's not a big deal here in the south where I live. I'm very fortunate, however, to have the most loving family that taught me it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you show each other genuine love, kindness, respect and trust. My overall view is to never give another person the power to make me less of a person. I cannot be offended by the way a person treats me unless I give them that power by becoming offended. Jedi mind trick.

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  23.   blackbabe4 says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 08

    I just don't understand why people feel they have the right to tell you who you have to fall in live with! Do they actually think just because they don't like it you will leave that person alone? I mean everyone is entitled to their opinion, but they should keep it to themselves. I am just trying to get me a man!

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  24.   TxSweetheart says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 08

    I've always had trouble with any race that Ive dated that wasn't white with my family. Either it be with my parents, or grandparents they all think its wrong for me to be with someone who isn't white. My grandma told me when I dated a latino man once " Mixed relationships never last" I was so disturbed by this. My mom is always telling me that every black or latino man I get with with cheat, or abuse me. Well let me tell you; I just got out of a relationship with a WHITE man and he did ALL of that!! I had never been hit by a black man, or cheated on. I think it is harder for white/black couples though, I always got more looks from people when dating a black man. Always got more judgement, and ugly comments from people when dating a black man. Some interracial relationships do have it easier though. Look at the T.V. Show " Jon and Kate plus 8" that is an Asian man and a white woman. They are just seen as a "couple" with 8 children. They are not known as " a interracial couple with mixed children" they are just a married couple with happy children.

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  25.   rugbyman1984 says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 08

    My parents have always been accepting of who I dated regardless of race. However, my grandparents (father's side), who have been like a second set of parents, have not and for them it hasn't mattered whether she was Hispanic or black. They want me with a white girl and that's it bottom line. I do agree that there is more discrimination for white/black couples as a whole but there are definitely exceptions to the rule and I think that any interracial couple will face it to some extent.

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  26.   FineLikeWine says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 08

    I've never had issues with my previous white boyfriends. That being said however, I do have white girlfriends who are in interracial relationships with non white/black men, but they don't seem to consider those relationships interracial. Interesting huh? I thought so. Nevertheless, statistics say that by 2050, the USA will be more colorful and less white, making the white race the minority. For that reason, I believe that with the induction of Sen. Barack Obama as our new president, the outlook on interracial relationships is going to improve. By default and circumstances, we will see an increase in mixed relationships, resulting in an increase in mixed child births. The rhetorical snow ball with start rolling.... Older generations will die off and Generations X, Y and Tech will begin to take over, bringing our more open-minded opinions with us. So although the answer may be "yes" now, it won't be “yes” for long.

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  27.   Nesleekwik says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 08

    I think everyone agrees with the answer to this question (yes). But the real question that needs to be answered is....WHY IS IT HARDER FOR SOME COMBOS? In my humble opinion regarding the 2nd question, there's more of a negative history of animosity/violence & gov't involvement between Caucasion & African American couples (for economic and social reasons). Think about it, there were laws on the books preventing this type of union at one time for the sole purpose of division. Now I do believe the social perception is IMPROVING, yet there is still progress to be made towards eliminating this "myth". The Social "Myth/Lie" is that the African American male or female is the least desirable/valuable to form a personal long-term relationship with. And just like in any unhealthy relationship, the longer the history the longer it'll take to heal it.

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  28.   Eric_T says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 08

    It seems to me that most issues involving racial backlash in interracial dating involve either black or white people..., and mostly white. I think that even if the parents are okay with their son or daughter marrying whomever they choose they can still be realistically worried about the rest of the world causing that couple hell. I agree with Joyishere. From my experience, the darker the woman I have dated the more uncomfortable it made everyone (besides my parents). But I haven't much observed this phenomenon unless a white person is involved in the equation. Not saying that it doesn't happen, just that it's more likely to be a white american issue.

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  29.   Joyishere says:
    Posted: 05 Nov 08

    Ofcourse they do... I've dated white men who's mom's tell them to find someone closer to their shade (latino's, asians.) I"ve dated latino's who's parents had no problem with the idea of their son being with a black lady. I don't know why, but the higher the posibility of their hue's being closer to one another, the easier it is for them. Kinda sad.

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