Is interracial dating in Minnesota really one-sided?
"A black woman wonders: What's up with the Minnesota dating game?"
This was a headline for an article written 3 years ago. And the woman is still wondering...
Find your soulmate on InterracialDatingCentral
This woman is concerned about couples comprising black men and white women being so predominant. Many black men in Minnesota are not dating or marrying black women. And according to her, men of other races don't seem interested in black women, either.
Here is some census data involving blacks:
Among married black men in Minnesota, 44 percent have wives who are not black; among married black women in the state, 14 percent have husbands who are not black. Nationally, the figures are 7 percent for men and 3 percent for women.
So this lady asks, "what's up with this? If 44 percent of married black men in Minnesota are going over to the white side, compared with only 14 percent of married black women, what does this mean?"
This lady has nothing against interracial relationships if they are for the right reasons - compatibility, attraction, similar interests. But she wonders why some black men and white women only date outside their race. So she asks again: "What's that about? Does it mean a kind of self-hatred, a discomfort around people who look like you?"
To her, these census figures raises some questions: Why is the interracial marriage scenario in Minnesota so one-sided?
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88 responses to "Is interracial dating in Minnesota really one-sided?"
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gina says:Posted: 22 Nov 08
Black men who feel they deserve "something" for their accomplishment will continue to date across racial lines, as this is their validation that they have made it. This is where the pro atlethes fall, the slightly educated brotha, and the brotha that has a little residual income. The brotha that realizes he should strive for great heights ALWAYS, doesn't need validation, that brotha will date and love a black female, unfortunaltely the hip hop generation has all but nullify this group. Welcome to the reality of the black woman in the US today, very educated, very well spoken, reaching new heights, abandoned by the brotha who needs validation.
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JohnLove says:Posted: 11 Nov 08Ooooooooooops, I meant ( characteristics }. the larger women are attractive atleast most of the ones I have met.soo attractive in a dress. {pletted dresses} when they walk.any color.
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JohnLove says:Posted: 11 Nov 08
Hi, I agree to some of miss Lil MaMa says. a lot of the younger generation ,young men and womaen I believe that they date some of it is to retaliate againest the norm, not for love.but to show every one they can do what ever they want. but there is a small hand full that really get togather for love and to marry for life. I love all colors as long as we are compatible with each other,and to me color don't matter , it is what type of chariteritic she has in her heart,and if we have enough simalarity with each other ,that's what make the difference and she must be save as I am .
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laureleaves says:Posted: 07 Nov 08I lived in MN (Mankato, a rural area) for 4 years and did not really date for 4 years. The white guys approached me in a way I found disrespectful, like I was easy, and the black dudes were dating the whites chicks. Thats how it was. Also, I saw lots of white guys dating asian girls, but never a black girl.
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laureleaves says:Posted: 07 Nov 08
I lived in MN (Mankato, a rural area) for 4 years and did not really date for 4 years. The white approached in a way I found disrespectful, like I was easy, and the black dudes were dating the whites chicks. Thats how it was. Also, I saw lots of whote guys ating asian girls, but never a black girl.
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laureleaves says:Posted: 07 Nov 08
I lived in MN (Mankato, a rural area) for 4 years and did not really date for 4 years. The white approached in a way I found disrespectful, like I was easy, and the black dudes were dating te whites chicks. Thats how it was.
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Flirty1 says:Posted: 09 Sep 08I'm a friendly woman. The women that I know are friendly too. I'm sorry that the women you've come across have been so unkind to you openminded.
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openminded says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
I posted a comment a month ago, wondering if anyone can give me feedback. Are black women in Minnesota only interested in black men or are they open? They seem unfriendly toward white men. Have reposted my previous comment below: It seems to me that black women in Minnesota are very unfriendly toward white men. I’ve been to New York and Los Angeles, and the attitude toward white men in both places among black women is far more friendly( In LA I saw more white male-black female IR couples than the reverse.) Any reflections on why this is?
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Flirty1 says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
Agape Reign & Laureleaves: That's a shame, isn't it? I've sometimes felt that way. Most of the people I've dated have been non-Minnesotans. It breaks my heart to see how black women get treated. I've heard that things are different in places like Chicago and LA though. Is it true? Has anyone had any experiences there?
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laureleaves says:Posted: 08 Sep 08
Hi, I lived in MN for 4 years and noticed exactly what this post says, that black women get no love in MN. I was born and raised in S. FL and never had any problem dating inside or outside my race, though I am bi-racial(white and black) and race is relative, my point is when I went to grad school in MN, it became a very lonely and sad time for me. I was not able to find anyone, white, black, or mixed, who seemed interested in me. I had the feeling that black women were considered lower class or not respectable, and when approached, it was not for love, it definitely on a purely sexual level. I had never experienced treatment like this before and it left me feeling quite differently about my relationship with white men, in that I do not feel as confident now that there will be mutual interest.
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AgapeReign says:Posted: 04 Sep 08I meant she dated guys I wouldn't date. That was a typo. Seriously. - dictated, not read.
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AgapeReign says:Posted: 04 Sep 08
Flirty1, I went to college in Minnesote between '88 and '92 and I know from experience that the brothers were knocking sistas down to get to the white women on the other side of us. Didn't matter if we were cleaner than the board of health and she looked like Shamu. She was white and they were all about taking her for what she had. I had a cousin (in Minneapolis) tell me that he dated white women because she gave him whatever he wanted. One of my best friends (white) only dated black men. It really bothered me because she dated guys I would date. She said they were "exciting." I guess raising dogs to fight, being a boxer or a wanna be rapper would be exciting to a girl from White Bread Minnesota. I counciled her FOR YEARS about the guys she dated because I was street wise and she wasn't. One guy, she gave 10K to and when they broke up (like I told her they would), she asked me if I thought she would get the money back? I told her to keep it moving. Finally, I convinced her to date a white guy. She dated a couple and said she didn't feel quite comfortable. Finally, she met a white guy and I met him and told him that he was perfect for her. They are now married with children and are SOOO happy. Interracial daing in Minnesota is just ODD. People aren't doing it because they really like somene but simply because of the colors skin color (just a generalizaion. There are those who are truly in love). Strange. Just strange.
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Member says:Posted: 26 Aug 08
This issue has less to do with Black women per se than it does with a host of other factors. The following article gets at some of the issues, but then the authors appear to forget what they're writing about when they talk about "the outer marriage rate of Blacks." If so many immigrant groups are calling themselves "white" on the census forms, why would they marry a Black woman or man? Why would they marry anyone of a darker hue within their own group...if they're trying to pass for white?! Latinos, Asians, and other groups have a range of colors within their group...just like Blacks (whites do, too, but of a more subtler degree) The Great 'White' Influx -------------------- Regardless of color, two-thirds of immigrants choose that designation on census replies. For some, it's synonymous with America. By SOLOMON MOORE and ROBIN FIELDS Zarmina Khalili says she never considered herself white until she moved to the United States 15 years ago. Race was a nonissue in her native Afghanistan, she said. There, the basic distinctions were tribal, between Tajiks and Pashtuns. Khalili knew where she stood: She was a Tajik. In America, it wasn't so clear. The census forms that came in the mail asked Khalili, 42, a Canoga Park homemaker, to place herself in one of six racial categories. She picked "white." Though she is fair-skinned, it wasn't entirely a matter of color, she said. She regarded white as synonymous with American, with belonging, with fitting in. In identifying herself that way, Khalili joined a growing number of newcomers who are stretching traditional U.S. racial definitions and-counterintuitive as it might seem-making white among the most diverse of demographic categories. The 2000 Census counted 28 million foreign-born residents. Two-thirds identified themselves as white. In 1990, half of the foreign-bornpopulation checked "white." Another sign of change: In 1990, immigrants made up 5% of all white Americans. By 2000, the foreign-born accounted for 9% of the white population. Latinos, the nation's largest immigrant group, are driving those numbers. Almost half checked the "white" box in Census 2000. "What white traditionally meant-the WASP, t he blond hair, the California drawl, the Hells Angels motorcycle riders-is being overlaid with new images of white Russians and Armenians ... Iranians, North Africans and Latinos," said USC demographer Dowell Myers. "White is the most polyglot category, and it's morphing." Recent newcomers are expanding the meaning of "white" much as Southern and Eastern European immigrants did a century ago, when many Americans still viewed the word as signifying Anglo-Saxon heritage. The latest arrivals are also upsetting conventional wisdom, which held that the percentage of white Americans would inevitably dwindle over time. About 75% of the U.S. populace defines itself today as whol ly or partly white. Many demographers expect the same will be true in 50 years, despite continued immigration from Latin America, Asia and elsewhere. "There's been this idea that demography is destiny and that America is going to be a nonwhite nation," said Peter Skerry, author of "Mexican Americans: The Ambivalent Minority" and a fellow at the Brookings Institution in Washington. "It ain't necessarily so." Why do so many recent immigrants choose a white identity? White Means Inclusion For earlier generations, the value of doing so was clear. They were coming to a place where nonwhites suffered systematic discrimination. Even today, many im migrants say they equate whiteness with opportunity and inclusion. But a growing number, influenced heavily by Latino culture, say they see race as fluid and whiteness as an unbounded territory they can enter and exit at will. Yareli Arizmendi, a Mexican American actress, said she used to be typecast as "the gangbanger's mother" or "the excitable Cuban woman." So she stopped specifying her ethnicity at auditions. Recently, she landed the part of a Jewish lawyer on an episode of the television series "NYPD Blue." No one guessed her roots until she mentioned them to a hairstylist on the set. "I am a Latino," said the actress, who lives in Hollywood. "But I am white too, and I don't want to be pegged as 'the other.' " In Mexico, where Arizmendi was born and raised, "we never asked: 'What are you? What percentage Negroid? What percentage mongoloid? Are you Latin American or Mayan or Aztec or European or Moorish?' " she recalled. "Because a lot of us are all of these things." Other mixed-race people are embracing a similar sort of racial flexibility, choosing white as their primary race. A 1995 federal schools survey found that 17% of the children with an African American parent and a white parent chose white as their primary ethnicity. Among children with one Asian American parent and one white parent, half considered white their primary race. In the past, people of mixed race were almost uniformly counted as minorities, not as whites. Even siblings with identical racial backgrounds sometimes make different choices based on personal experience. David Chau, 22, a student at the Rhode Island School of Design in Providence, has a Jewish mother and a Chinese American father. He considers himself white. "White fits me best, I guess," he said. His older sister, Jen, sees herself as a minority: Jewish and Asian. "I honestly don't know what white means," she said. "I don't know what a white experience is." Debate about racial categories and their meaning revives ea ch decade when the U.S. Census Bureau asks American households about themselves. Changing Categories In the first national headcount, in 1790, government enumerators placed people in four slots: free white males, free white females, slaves, and "others," a category that included free Native Americans. Today, people fill out the survey themselves, choosing from six options for race: white; black or African American; American Indian or Native Alaskan; Asian; Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander; and "other." In 2000, for the first time, respondents could check more than one category. The census allows Latinos the most room for layered self-definition. Since 1980, the survey has treated Hispanic ethnicity apart from race, asking about it in a separate question and indicating that Latinos can be of any race. The Hispanic category is meant for people who trace their origins to a Spanish-speaking nation. The choices Americans make about their racial identities have far-reaching consequences. More than 60 federal agencies use census data to distribute government funds. State legislatures use the numbers in redrawing congressional districts. The Justice Department consults the census in looking for patterns of racial discrimination. Businesses base crucial decisions on the data, ranging from where to open stores to how to market soft drinks. In doing so, they give bedrock permanence to racial identities that may be ephemeral or subjective People who pick Hispanic as their ethnicity and white as their race often are communicating that they feel "functionally white," said Ian Haney Lopez, a UC Berkeley law professor. For example, Latinos living in affluent, suburban parts of the Los Angeles area tended to call themselves white in Census 2000. By contrast, 50% or more of Latinos living in several of the region's urban barrios picked "other" as their race. The sensation of being white waxes and wanes, and not just for Latinos. Shortly after the Se pt. 11 terrorist attacks, FBI agents came to the home of Khalili, the Afghan immigrant, to ask questions. Her 15-year-old daughter was harassed at school. "Until Sept. 11, I just felt like this was my own country," Khalili said. "Now it's different. I feel like a minority." That same uneasy feeling might have shivered through an Irishman in the 1850s or a Slav passing through Ellis Island in the 1920s. Go back far enough in U.S. history and many Americans who! see themselves as white could have been considered minorities at one time. To Benjamin Franklin, for example, "white" referred only to those of Anglo-Saxon descent. "Spaniards, Itali ans, French, Russians and Swedes are generally of what we call a swarthy complexion; as are the Germans also, the Saxons only excepted, who with the English, make the principal body of white people on the face of the Earth," Franklin wrote in a 1751 essay, "Observations Concerning the Increase of Mankind and the Peopling of Countries, Etc." Like Franklin, early U.S. laws regulating marriage, property rights, citizenship, voting and other facets of life viewed whiteness as a hereditary attribute. But the laws employed varying, often conflicting, standards for determining who had it. Someone could be deemed white for purposes of citizenship, but nonwhite under marriage laws-an d thus barred from marrying a white. Between the Civil War and World War II, Japanese, Arab, Afghan, Armenian, Indian and other immigrants sued in U.S. courts, trying to prove themselves white and therefore eligible to enter the country, hold jobs or become citizens. National Identity Courts gave contradictory rulings. In 1910, an immigrant from India named Dolla was pale enough to convince one court that he was white. Ten years later, the Supreme Court ruled that another Indian immigrant was not. The unprecedented wave of immigration at the turn of the 20th century made the racial identity of newcomers a more contentious issue than ever, as traditionalists declared the national identity under siege. A 1911 congressional commission sought to quiet the controversy by cataloging the identities of the immigrant flood. It issued a "Dictionary of Races or People" that put Slavs, Poles, Italians, Russians and others in 45 nonwhite racial subgroups. This prompted intense opposition from immigrants, especially Jews, who were placed in a "Hebrew" category. Many immigrants feared ostracism if the dictionary's distinctions became policy or law. Ultimately, the government discarded the categories. People with diverse origins came to be seen, and to see themselves, as white. Mexican Americans became part of a similar debate as the United States expanded west in the 19th century, absorbing sizable Latino populations. After the end of the Mexican-American War in 1848, census enumerators counted people with Spanish surnames as white. That practice continued until 1930, when a separate "Mexican" racial category was created. Mexican Americans successfully lobbied to have the designation dropped in 1940. Once again, enumerators classified virtually everyone with Spanish surnames as white. The discrimination visited on African Americans gave immigrants a powerful incentive to be identified as whites. "They were coming into a society where slavery was synonymous with skin pigmentation," said Joel Perlmann, a senior scholar at the Jerome Levy Economics Institute at Bard College in New York. "It had nothing to do with preserving their own culture." In the expansion of whiteness, African Americans have remained conspicuously apart. They are the group least likely to intermarry with other races and most likely to live in segregated communities and attend segregated schools, according to census and other research data. (John L.: Despite ALL the info given above, these white authors, not surprisingly, lay the blame for not marrying with other groups on African Americans. DUH??!!) "Everyone else has taken their positions in relation to that duality," said Noel Ignatiev, a history instructor at the Massachusetts College of Art and author of "How the Irish Became White." "Everyone can assimilate into white America, except 'homie.' " But some scholars say African Americans' historical exclusion spurred them to a powerful political and cultural unity. The solidarity they achieved during the civil rights movement of the 1960s is being emulated today by Latinos, said Todd Boyd, a USC pop culture professor and the author of "Am I Black Enough For You?" "We took those crumbs and transformed it into a distinctive culture," he said. Even African Americans who could "pass" as white because of their appearance or cultural background choose not to, Boyd said. "Now there's no reason to shy away from it-it's ours." Latinos have adopted a similar strategy, but with a twist, said Arturo Vargas, executive director of the National Assn. of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials. "To the extent that being white means being American, we are white," Vargas said. "But at the same time, we don't have to deny being Latino as much as before because we've had a significant civil rights movement, and politically we're still one bloc." The question "Are you white?" puzzles many second- and third-generation Americans. Many say they simply don't think about it. "Whites live in a society that was created for them, that caters to them, where they are the norm. They fit," said Matthew Kelley, publisher of Mavin, a multiracial affairs journal in Seattle. "So to a lot of people being white is almost indefinable. It's just this kind of comfort that you don't recognize unless it goes away. It's like describing air." Disturbing Definition When whites try to define whiteness, they often find the experience uncomfortable, even disturbing. "For me, being proud that you're white is like some kind of Nazi thing," said Tom Radu, 43, a general contractor from Monrovia. Radu is of Swedish and Romanian ancestry and is married to a Mexican American woman. He describes their 19-year-old son as a "whitesican." Jim Stewart, 49, who works with Radu, remembered an odd conservation with his father about race. "I told him: 'You're half-white and half-Sicilian,' " recalled Stewart. "Like a half-hour later, he came up to me and said with all seriousness: 'I'm pretty sure Sicilians are considered white.' It mattered so much to him that he was thinking about it all that time." Some whites yearn for a more distinct identity, in effect seeking to go back to a time before their families joined the mainstream. "For many white Americans, white is not enough-there is no unifying white experience," said Diena Simmons, producer of a 23-episode PBS documentary titled "Ancestors." "They want to say they are Jewish, or Polish, or Ukrainian or something like that." (JL: There's definitely a unifying experience") Last year, the Statue of Liberty-Ellis Island Foundation opened a Web site listing the names of 22 million immigrants who arrived in the Port of NewYork between 1892 and 1924. The site (http://www.ellisisland.org) logged 1 billion hits in its first month. Bob Nafius, a San Diego computer executive, was one of the teeming masses at Ellis Island's virtual port. Within minutes, he found his Irish great-grandmother's passenger record showing that she sailed to New York from Liverpool on a ship called the Oceanic. "Growing up in the San Fernando Valley, white meant suburban, being connected from mall to shining mall. That whole white-bread kind of thing," Nafius said. "But I always wished I could have a real ethnicity. I'm looking for a tribe to join. Don't I get a tribe?" (JL: You have one.")
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luke says:Posted: 16 Aug 08
It is with the utmost concern and relevance that our general populace has withered in morality and basis for strengthened communities. and reportedly gotten worse every passing decade. The inception and introduction of greater lengths of immigration and racial diversity has brought forth a greater risk of economic hardship and minnesota has literally become the breeding grounds of the ignorant, indignant and lacks the security it possessed decades ago. "why is it in 'infested neighborhoods' you have to concern yourself with the risks of theft or worse?" Yet interracial relationships are rampant and growing.......you were born as you are. why "defile" yourself by intergrating with something from birth you were not concieved as. Even god(in the scriptures-old testament)forbade people to form interracial unions. Yet society in all it's darkened happy go lucky perversions continue to believe that it is okay, "Oooohhh it's all right if you steal, maim, cheat, lie, gamble, adulterate, fornicate and live with greed, spite, malice and ignorance in our hearts. Building that great empire in a colostamy bag! A severe reality check and restructuring of our society is sorely required!
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sweethoneyy says:Posted: 10 Aug 08It's amazing to me to hear that black women don't want educated black men. Most of my girlfriends are black and they are all intelligent, educated and single and are now expanding their horizons and actively seeking out white men or men of other races. This is primarily because the educated black men are either few and far between or they want white women, and these women don't want thugs. I'm from NY and maybe there is a difference because of locale but I can't agree with the notion that black women don't want educated black men when there are far more black women graduating from college these days. I was amazed when I first visited an interracial site as to how many black men there were seeking out white women exclusively. I thought then, "No wonder we can't find them." I think there may be a difference in terms of age as well but if you are younger and educated as a black man, I think dating over 40 might be a solution because older women have a different value system and can remember when there was no hip hop. On the other hand there are black men who are just not attractive and there is not much one can do about that factor. You do have to be attracted to the person no matter what their race. Grooming is a big factor here as well. I don't know many black women who want a man with his pants hanging off and his hair not combed. As far as I'm concerned, I date who I choose to and I wish someone would try to step to me about it. They would be in for a rude awakening. Love who you can. Life is short.
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openminded says:Posted: 09 Aug 08
It seems to me that black women in Minnesota are very unfriendly toward white men. I've been to New York and Los Angeles, and the attitude toward white men in both places among black women is far more friendly( In LA I saw more white male-black female IR couples than the reverse.) Any reflections on why this is?
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james says:Posted: 02 Aug 08
I think you see more educated black men(black men) dating white women because from my experience when I approached black women(college educated black women) in a respectable manner they looked at me as un-cool with no swagger. White women were just more open to dating a person like me(black, speaking proper English, non-thuggish, not into hip hop...) I date who wanted to date me.
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nubianqueen says:Posted: 29 May 08
Im a 25 year old african american woman. I met my white husband on a online dating site. Theirs no need for black women to be single considering the fact that their are plenty of white men that would love to date you.
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jiggaboo says:Posted: 29 May 08
I see more more and more white guys dating black women nowadays. I think the trends are changing. I am hispanic but I know quite a few of my white friends that are dating black women.
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tj says:Posted: 27 May 08
Stereotypes. When Black men say that Black women don't want them because theyy don't dress in hip hop atire, they are sterotyping. "BLACK WOMEN" that is a large group of women, which include Beyonce, Oprah, Whitney Houston, Halle Berry, Tanisha, Kameka, and every other woman of African descent. And when you say BLACK MEN, you are speaking of alot of men of African descent who don't wear hip hop clothes. That attire for the most part isuse is generational. And that excuse, for the most part is lame, stereotypical, and covers the real truth. It is also insulting to white women. Because why would a white woman want you either if you have all these stereotypical problems. Furthermore, the excuse about Black women don't want you because you are educated and not loud. Are you an idiot? African American women graduate college twice the rate of Black women, so the problem is reverse. And Black women still practice endogamy more than Black men. Just like you aren't loud and 'ghetto', the MAJORITY of Black women aren't either. You shouldn't ascribe to these stereotypes. Attitudes-another stereotype. it's funny how people perpetuate these things about their own people when what that says is something even more about you. Furthermore, Black men are not exempt from their fair share of statistical problems. To say that Black women, or even some are petty, materialistic, and selfish is so off base, it is ignorant. Those things can be attributed to anyone, in any circumstance. Lastly, white women are the penacle of beauty in America mostly following the Eurocentric paradigm. Black men-THIS is why you outmarry. Socialization economically, and educationally has nothing to do with it because you can check any statistic and Black women on average are climbing the social latter much faster than Black men. Date who oyou like (when you find out who you are otherwise you become apart of self-hatred which is the problem and not the solution).
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yardysmile says:Posted: 22 Apr 08Well i think that black or white, people should date who they feel, if you are a black man who happens to like a white woman what is wrong with that? and visa versa, we should stop the stero typing and just live our lives with the one person who makes us happy, i am a woman of colour who likes white men and i am not racist against my own colour i just find them sexy, so if there is any white man out there who is single and isnt intimidated by an educated, sophisticated woman of colour then hit me up PLEASE!
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kingoliver says:Posted: 21 Apr 08I also think the reason so many black men have given up on black women is because of the attitude black women of today seem to share, which could range from a varity of things from selfish, pettiness, and just an all around mean streak that is such a turn-off. And yes sistas love their share of thugs. It doesn't matter where you go. Sorry but the truth is the truth. I made the mistake of dating them in my younger days but no more.
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CarolinaKid says:Posted: 19 Apr 08
I agree with most of the brothas on here my experiences have been the same. It seems if you have an education beyond the 1st grade black women (not all) don't want anything to do with you. Most of their excuses are your'e weak, too nice, or I would walk all over you. I'm like ya'll obviously don't know me very well cause I'll definately take you on a trip if you want one. Regardless most women I have met outside of race tend to be genuinelly interested in you, and not what you can do for them, and that's why many black women are losing in the dating game, at least with men who are about something. I'm just sick of hearing them complaining about how there are no good men. As I've heard many times before if your in your 30's and single or still can't find a good man, hey mabye it's you. Think about it.
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stpaulletgo says:Posted: 04 Apr 08
44% of black males having a white partner are about 1% of minnesota population while 43% of minnesota population is made up of white females According with researches only 3% of white females are more attracted to other races than their own race (so thats 1,29%) So the numbers kinda fit. The new trend everywhere is white male-black female Anyways interracial is wrong... there are a lot of factors about this, and all i see is that the only ones dating blacks are rejected, ugly or retarded with all the due respect
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LApete says:Posted: 25 Mar 08
I like dateing the person that makes me happy shows me all the respect that she wants in return and if shes white or whatever its my choice no other race of womaen should fell less than anything all it would mean to me is that they've found their other half. besides if they like i love it.
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LApete says:Posted: 18 Mar 08
In reading your response i find some of it true and some a little of base people should have the freedom to be with the one they love no matter the color of skin, well in a perfect world,but isnt that what this is a world ? not perfect for ever one but perfect for thoes who choose to live there,when i look at my family meke up I see black,white,hispanic,indian and asain,this is my family and it works for us.Ive dated outside my race my children are by black women Ive loved. my choice of a white women,is because thats what i want my choice,my desire as long as were happy with our relationship its not a game or fad for me and i can care less what others say or think you cant help who you love try to be happy for yourself.
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carmelskingirl says:Posted: 14 Mar 08I must say when I read this I think it is all one sided. I find it hard dating in minnesota for me a black woman trying to date a white man. It is not open and it is not easy for us to seek and find. Dont get me wrong I love my brothers But when I meet them it is the same thing. They talk about how the black woman put them down and how that is a big turn off for them and how they get no respect. We are to ghetto. I am just sitting there listening. I am like wow they really have a fear of us black women embarring them. I date all over black white asian etc.. Some good some are bad. I cant just say all black men are bad because they are not and I cant say all white men are good cause they are not. I want to find that one person who will love me and respect me and accept me for me. I am trying this internet thing now and it is hard. So i just suggest keep trying and searching and maybe it will happen..
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Lauren says:Posted: 26 Feb 08
Mr_Nightlinger Says: "...well i can say everytime i try to talk to a black woman i get the nose turn up at me like i'm not good enough, or i don't wear a suit and tie, or i'm not perfect looking..." Mr. Nightlinger: Its unfortunate if every single black woman you approached turns their nose up at you. I'm curious as to where you live that you would experience this. Nevertheless, if your approach to all black women has been respectful and with confidence and you experienced this...yes I can see why you want to date non-black women. Actually, more than a few black men turn their noses up at black women also (and I am not talking about the 'so-called' ghetto black women that men like to bash). This is why I encourage black women to do what you've done Mr. Nightlinger, Open Your Options black women; there are non-black men who would love to date/marry you.
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Flirty1 says:Posted: 26 Feb 08
I've noticed these thug comments too. If that is actually the case (which, to be honest, I doubt) then change your outlook and attitude. The people you attract are a reflection of some aspect of you. The reason I am doubtful though is because I've heard black men give the thug excuse as a reason to justify dating outside of their race. It's sad. You guys need to get comfortable with what you want. Bashing black women because you feel insecure about your desire for white women is wrong. It is a new world. As you can see, interracial relationships of all kinds are everywhere. Be honest with yourself first and everyone else and say that you're interested in white women or non-black women instead of bashing them. There's nothing wrong with it.
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Mr_Nightlinger says:Posted: 26 Feb 08
oh and another thing if everyone would start looking a people as a human being , and not at the color of ones skin the world would be a better place and less racist and that goes for anyone who has a problem with race of any kind.. but hey thats in a perfect world we will never see that in our lifetime, when it gets down to it i think this world should get attacked by space alliens and maybe that will bring everyone on earth together as one race- HUMANS!
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Mr_Nightlinger says:Posted: 26 Feb 08
well i can say everytime i try to talk to a black woman i get the nose turn up at me like i'm not good enough, or i don't wear a suit and tie, or i'm not perfect looking, i tried but i came to the conclusion, life is to short to try to find someone of one race who turns there nose up at you , so i have no problem with race a woman is a woman to me not because shes white ,black green or yellow , but because shes the one who gave me a chance to be with her, and if she is white so be it and if anyone does not like it, tough!!
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Truth says:Posted: 23 Feb 08Hey Guess what it is almost 2009 & these dating habits are goinig to continue. So everyone date who you want and marry who you want. Enjoy this great life we have because it can go by rather quickly. Love and peace to All.....
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Princess5005 says:Posted: 23 Feb 08
Hey Sisters, forget about all those Black men who is with the white women. The bottom line is there are plent of men black, white, asian and otherwise who simply adore and are proud to be with you, beautiful black women. You need to be accepting of other races...I have been with black males and white males....its like anything else, if you find the right one he will treat you like the Princess, Queen that you are. Sisters, you need to be flexible and not only look for black men. There are plenty of white men in MN who are seriously interested in you. Why don't you give them a chance! I have, am I am loving it! Take Care and be openminded and flexible.
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Lauren says:Posted: 22 Feb 08
Write66 said... I've noticed Jessica is on several of these blogs and seemingly advertising a web site… I agree wholeheartedly. That site must not be doing well to see those 'ads' all over the web
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write66 says:Posted: 22 Feb 08I've noticed Jessica is on several of these blogs and seemingly advertising a web site...
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Lauren says:Posted: 22 Feb 08
Since im not a thug or dress in hip hop attire..black women show little to zero interest in me. So when i do date outside my race, because "they" dont show interest i get looks. I want to say so bad that black women dont like me. Even if i try to start a conversation with them, they show no interest at all. oh yeah im a black man in chicago. I am always struck by how many times black men mention thug/hip hop when they state that black women do not show interest in them. Where do you live in Chicago dude, for black women to only like thugs/hip hop? I am not into thugs or hip hop either (or other negative behaviors). And I am a black woman. I am into education and various cultural events. If all you know are black women who are as you described, that is sad. You are not the only black man I've seen make the same type of comments. Sometimes I wonder if the thugette/hip hop type women are you some black men approach. hmmm
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ganryu says:Posted: 21 Feb 08
Since im not a thug or dress in hip hop attire..black women show little to zero interest in me. So when i do date outside my race, because "they" dont show interest i get looks. I want to say so bad that black women dont like me. Even if i try to start a conversation with them, they show no interest at all. oh yeah im a black man in chicago.
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Free14u says:Posted: 21 Feb 08
If a black male is well spoken, respectful, and kind he is considered to be white or weak. It's 2008 and still there are many who believe that to be black one must be loud, disrespectful, ignorant, and mean spirited ready to explode at any moment. Sorry...it's true...many women are attracted to the thug image and mentality and if they are mistreated they label all black men as being undesirable.
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Jessica says:Posted: 20 Feb 08
Why does someone discriminate black? I don't think love is just belongs to white. I'm a black and but my hubby is white. We met at blackcentury.com which tell us love is color blind. Our love proved this. I hope each one will not discriminate blacks.
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mrjoynfun says:Posted: 19 Feb 08
one of the reason why blackmen date whitewoman is the white women finds the darkskinned black man more attractive and sppealing than the black women. On overage they are less superficial and materialistic. Today times the black women wants a light-skinned feminine acting brother.He could be fat, uneducated, unemployed and ex-con.It does not matter. They are brainwashed through television, magazines and videos. Only dark skinned borthers with money, perfect bodies and nice vehicles are worthy of their attention.
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pbs86 says:Posted: 19 Feb 08
Seems one-sided to me. Not only that but you must have some crazy and deluded black males living in Minnesota, as evidenced above my post.
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Jax says:Posted: 19 Feb 08
As an independent-thinking, educated black male, black women have shown little interest in me (usually fearing me). During the 4 years I spent in MN, white women treated me like a STUD! Thanks MN, Jax
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Free14u says:Posted: 18 Feb 08
Whenever the subject of black women dating white men comes up the only response you hear is "you go girl!" or "she has every right and there's nothing wrong" Let's cease with the double standards and allow black men to live their lives.
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cocobaker813 says:Posted: 17 Feb 08I'm thankful that the 5 folks here have given viewpoints in their perspectives, I agree with them all. The one questioning the realness of the survey findings is so true(I took classes called Empirical Methods for my psych. degree, and frankly, a survey finding can be skewed to support or refute anything). However, it still doesn't answer the question of why a black woman can't get love(or a LOT less love)in Minnesota. The question can be asked about more than the state of Minnesota, but I think there was no response to the first question. She had me at(this is me paraphrasing, not a direct quote)why is it that black women seem to be at the bottom of the pile when it comes to dating or maiirage? Dating outside the race is more and more acceptable, but how is it that black women seem to be dead last when it comes to men of ANY color? How is it that men can pick any other race or ethnicity easily, yet not a black woman? And yes, in my many years experience of online dating sites, a man can click on everything(including "Other" if it's there), and not have "African/African-American" as a choice? Is it the so called "difficult" attitude? Is it because we aren't beautiful or worthy in the eyes of men in other races? Is it the perception that a black woman needs no one? I am genuinely curious. I'm also curious as to why African men should be separated from African-American men. I don't accept the reason from Gerund's post, because the right to date/marry outside the race is already ingrained into the men of this country, not just brought here by immigrants as a radical idea.
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SyrianaJoye says:Posted: 15 Feb 08I am in agreement with the previous post by LilMa. Anyone exclusively dating outside of their race for all the wrong reasons is lacking as a person. (For example, some black men think that white women are easier to manipulate). DEFINITELY NOT a good reason to date someone. Also, how do white men feel about this trend? Any responders? Finally, I am a black female and I am interested in locations (cities)where the odds are more in favor of black women who are open to dating outside of their race. Hopefully, someone will respond. Again, I am very curious.
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Liloldme says:Posted: 15 Feb 08Yes it is onesided. I also live in Minnesota, I am caucasian, I date Black men and have since 1985. I have noticed that over the years the interracial thing has spun out of control in MN. In say that, I think that alot of people are doing so for the wrong reasons; STEREOTYPES!! I really do believe that there is no doubt a stereotypic reason why the black men (African American) here date outside of their race. Most of the men feel like there is something to gain by doing so and they are ususally right (there are alot of silly insecure women here). HipHop is also a big "fad" in the white community right now so, that contributes to numbers being so high for young women thinking it's "cool" to date black men rather than there being a genuine intrest in the person they date. (It is very superficial). Minnesota doesn't really have segregated neighborhoods like other large, major, heavily african american populated cities, so there is a different level of social tolerance/acceptance for interracial relationships here. I personally would never date a man who exclusivelly dates white women because I think that there is a loss of basic respect for all women that man may date when he doesn't feel comfortable with those who created him. I don't personally know of too many black/white marriages here so I guess one could assume that indeed, they are counting the african's that are here in this # of interracial marriages in MN.
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packer083 says:Posted: 15 Feb 08
well hey i am brandon and i am white from wisconsin i am more attract naturally to blakc women dont know why it isnt that i dont like white women i have dated them i just love balck wome n and well i believef that it just comes sown to the person they could be pro dating other people outside their race or con that is the beauty of this country you can choose who ever you want to go with
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Flirty1 says:Posted: 15 Feb 08
I live in Minnesota and I see a lot of black men aiming for white women. I've seem some very attractive black women get passed up. I'd go into detail but it's late and would take too long. Anyway, you should look again at the statistic. I agree with the post above. What do they mean by black men? Does it include Africans? If so, they I can see why the percentage of black men married to black women is skewed so high. I would like to see African American men separated out of the statistic so we can get a better idea of who is marrying whom. I suspect that the number of black and black marriages in Minnesota might be lower.
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Gerund says:Posted: 13 Feb 08
Regarding the statistics, it would be helpful to look at the nationalities of the "black men" in Minnesota who are married and/or dating outside their race. There is a significant population of immigrants from African nations, most notably, western Africa... This of course would significantly reduce the "race" issue, but definitely increase the "nationality" and "cultural" equation. These Africans are attracted to white women, who, of course in turn, are attracted to the African men; which would say very little of the African-American OR black men of Minnesota. It would be interesting to ascertain this statistical possibility. My brother, who is black (American) is married to a latina (Mexican) woman, who reside in Minnesota. I have a friend of Syrian nationality who is happily married to a white woman. Go figure!
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I am a black man living in New York City and i can definitely say that it goes both ways here. People date who they find attractive. When it comes to black women, i am definitely seeing many black women dating white men and of course the obvious, black men dating white women. However, in my circle of ivy league "educated" men, most if not all, are currently in search of a black woman or simply have already settled down and married a black woman. These stories i am hearing about Minnesota sounds surreal, try coming to New york ladies, you would get so much love from black men and men in general, i doubt you would want to go back to Minnesota. I guess its simply due to the rich diversity of NYC i guess.