Healthy masculinity: Actions + goals = authentic power.

Posted by Jordan, 15 Dec

"My biggest fear is to look back on a mediocre life and wonder what went wrong." - Dale Thomas Vaughn

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The Cheat Sheet:

  • Why and how goal-setting can get in the way of success.
  • What's the Camino de Santiago and why should you care?
  • What is goal blindness and do you have it?
  • A good plan or a perfect plan: which is better?
  • How to change your life in an hour according to Dale.
  • And so much more...

What is healthy masculinity? On this show we talk a lot about what isn't healthy, behavior like the alpha male syndrome or the opposite: acting like a doormat. But what does it mean be a healthy male? According to our guest for episode 352 it means being a good guy with an authentic purpose, and also helping other good guys do good things.

Dale Thomas Vaughn would know, he runs the Global Center for Healthy Masculinity and is the editor of leadership at The Good Men Project. Today we discuss healthy masculinity and its partner in crime, goal-setting. Listen in to hear how these are related, and so much more on episode 352 of The Art of Charm.

More About This Show:

Dale Thomas Vaughn has long been a proponent of self-discovery and authentic healthy masculinity. He ran with the bulls in Pamplona, walked the 500 mile pilgrimage that is the Camino del Santiago and has also tried and failed in the world of business. But he really hit his stride when he began coaching men on how to authentically be healthy men; men who find other healthy positive guys to be in a pack with.

Today he devotes his time to helping guys discover their authenticity and allowing that to lead them in their daily lives, from business to relationships to friendships. To that end, goals become incredibly important. The most vibrant and alive men are those who have purpose, who have set goals in alignment with that purpose and are carrying out daily actions to fulfill on their goals and their purpose. Dale spends his days helping men do this with The EmpowerMentorship Institute and his work with The Good Men Project.

Dale and I both see, all too often, men who get stuck in goal-setting mode and don't follow through on the actions needed to achieve those goals. Daydreaming mode kicks in and soon nothing has been accomplished, and the man behind the daydream lacks the passion and vigor he once held for that goal. So he sets new goals, figuring the last round of goals weren't inspiring enough. Yet because he takes no actions, the same results occur.

On this show Dale helps us find ways to break that vicious loop. He has a multi-step cycle that can change things for all of us. First believe in yourself. Second set your intention and your direction. Third take action! And fourth, find someone to hold you accountable. Great things happen when add steps three and four, these are the steps too few people take.

But what do you do if your goals are constantly changing and you've discovered you're a chronic goal-setter? Dale has an exercise to alleviate that situation as well. This is your "finding your why" exercise. Once you have your why you have your compass, and you'll always know if you are on track or not because your goals and your actions are in line with your purpose or your why.

Here's what you do: first narrow down your why to one word. You'll start by getting out a blank sheet of paper, then write down 32 words that reflect what you believe your purpose is. Then cut that list down to 16, then down to 8, then down to 4, next cut it to 2 and finally down to 1. There is your why in one word. Now you have your purpose, your compass.

Second add some daily habits to support you. The easiest times to set these habits is when you get up or before you go to bed. It's really the only time of day we're doing the same things so it's the best time to create and affirm new habits.

A great suggestion Dale has it to get up in the morning and think of one thing you're going to do that day that is in line with your purpose. Where can you go? Who can you talk to? What meetup can you join, what association, conference, event can you attend? What online group can you join? Find it, then do it. The important habit to create is to find something that moves you towards your goals and is concurrent with your purpose, then take action on it. You're creating the habit of setting and achieving something, a habit that will enrich your life.

Those aren't the only suggestions and concepts we cover in this episode, Dale also chats about his 500 mile pilgrimage in Europe, what his business failure taught him and how to bring your authentic presence to every aspect of your life. Have a listen to get all goods he shares on today's episode.

If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, drop us a line. As always, thank you for being here, and we'll see you next time. Till then... Stay Charming!

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. For 11 years, he hosted The Art of Charm Podcast - regularly in the iTunes top 50 and downloaded over four million times a month. Now Jordan interviews the world's top performers - from legendary musicians to intelligence operatives, iconoclastic writers to visionary change-makers at The Jordan Harbinger Show, consistently holding in the iTunes top 100 after just a few weeks. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Instagram.

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