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Guys, "Don't Be An Interracial Dating Lech!"

Posted by Jordan, 22 Aug 13

So you might be on this site because you have an affinity for someone of another race, and as the possibility of connecting with someone who lights your fire is blown to smithereens because you sent some cheesy pick-up line saying any and all variations of the following...

"I just love my chocolate."

"I've got a bad case of jungle fever!"

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

"I love how Asian women are so submissive"

" I love hot and spicy Latinas!"

Those pitiful lines might sound good in your own head, but no woman wants to be fetishized object, interchangeable with another other woman in her racial group. Nobody wants to be treated like a non-person. Trust me, you'll get a lot more interest if you treat the women you approach with more respect. Here are a few do's and don'ts to ensure a better swirling success record:

Do avoid cliches and stereotypes like the plague! When you see someone attractive, comment on what about her as a individual caught your eye. Does she have a nice smile? Did you recognize the place in her hiking picture? Did you grow up in a town nearby where she did? Mentioning something that is unique to her will show her that you're really looking at her, and not just fishing.

Don't mention her anatomy in a lecherous, racially-specific way. Even if you "love you some black girl booties" it's best to keep that to yourself, my friend. And another big no-no is asking for naked pictures...c'mon, dude...

Don't let your entire interest in a relationship be about a girl's ethnicity. Again, she is a person, and should be treated with respect for her individuality.

Do discuss your preferences with her (in a respectful manner) once you've made a connection and have gotten to know her as a person.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

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45 responses to "Guys, "Don't Be An Interracial Dating Lech!""

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  1.   Edi_d says:
    Posted: 3 days ago

    It doesn't matter who i want to date, whether black or white, it is my choice.

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  2.   G547 says:
    Posted: 12 Aug

    yikes - meant no disrespect- can never understand how even respectful clean compliments toward a certain race is still considered non PC or whatever -I was going to act like a lil rabbit and remove any mention complements towards black women then thought - hey I spoke from the heart - I am respectful and this is me so - came to this site alone and will leave this site alone if need be but not changing my tell it like it is way- good luck

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  3.   t64 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun

    I'm ingress of white lady

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  4.   kevinci1 says:
    Posted: 01 May

    thats true

    Like or Dislike: or 1 (-1)
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  5.   Jdsj says:
    Posted: 30 Apr

    Thought about that after I joined this site. You know what? At my age....even though I look, and feel younger than my age. After reading a lot of these ladies profiles......it really didn't matter what their ethnicity was. Life is 10% what happens to you , and 90% of how you react to it.

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  6.   elcamino67 says:
    Posted: 21 Apr

    Interesting.

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  7.   betterthen1 says:
    Posted: 23 Jan

    I can dig it

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  8.   B1234t says:
    Posted: 09 Jan

    Stupid, no game

    Like or Dislike: or 1 (-1)
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  9.   PainterNick says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 16

    I'm not a woman, but I imagine a playful name "looking4myCofeeCream" is just playful laughter. And of course, the way they talk together when they think we aren't listening is "occasionally" naughty, but I have a feeling they don't spend much time talking that way. All we can do is give them great respect, accept some failures, keep our heads high, noses straight, and take some occasional risks with playful compliments. (If one chooses.)

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  10.   KJusThis1nce says:
    Posted: 15 Dec 16

    I completely agree, but guess what, as sson as i sign in to this dating site, what do i see but profile after profile, with names or titles, Ms. Mocha, ILuvMyVanilla or lookin4dacream4mycoffee, i could go on and on with the name and comments that we're not supposed to make, which i don't, so how are we to take these women serious?

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    • Packer44 says:
      Posted: 19 Feb

      But you no k, it's crazy because we as men get looked at totally different if we did that. As men we will always get judgement casted down on us as the tin can man from the wizard of Oz, with no heart. We are human beings to with hearts and mans lives matter 2 lol. So sincerely spoken from the heart, Mack

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    • MustLuvFit says:
      Posted: 22 Jun

      Not mine.

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  11.   mike573 says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 16

    This is true for gay men as well. It is especially hard for a white gay male who hass a preference for men of color. Everyone assumes they are all about "size", when it is so much more.

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    • Niceguy4u. says:
      Posted: 07 Nov 16

      Not saying every white guy is like this, just telling my own experience over the past few years. I'm open to to any race if we mentally connect.

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  12.   hifreetime says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 16

    Its funny how they always make the white guy the creepy one. Please.. where would you be without us.

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    • Niceguy4u. says:
      Posted: 07 Nov 16

      What is that supposed to mean?

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    • Packer44 says:
      Posted: 19 Feb

      Really lol so your race is supposed to be God now are something. The white man isn't as smart as you think and when it comes to technology and advancement, the Chinese race has every one beat on that note but that's another story because this is God's earth and we are his creation. Better said is where would humanity be with out him period

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  13.   dochman says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 16

    I wish I could meet a white woman for serious relationship!

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  14.   Samson34 says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 16

    True

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  15.   yoniasli says:
    Posted: 17 Apr 16

    Hi

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  16.   kijabe says:
    Posted: 18 Mar 16

    True we respect each other personality

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  17.   Iroarlouder says:
    Posted: 14 Feb 16

    Just be yourself and hopefully your reason here is to find a special someone who completed you. I believe that no one is whole alone so keep it 100 and good things will come your way.

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  18.   offside1961 says:
    Posted: 17 Oct 15

    I find this article offensive in both racial and gender terms. 99.999% of men don't need lecturing on their conduct. Why isn't some advice given to women, many of whom promote their ethnicity on this site? Also what about advising the gold diggers to avoid being just that...easy to spot with lines like 'love to be spoiled', 'looking to be taken care of', 'treated like a queen' or some just blatantly saying they are looking for financial support. Why everything is turned round on men offends me deeply. Terrible article.

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    • myzola says:
      Posted: 01 Nov 15

      I will take care of my true love regardless.

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    • ccwilliams76 says:
      Posted: 03 Jul 16

      Actually a lot of guys do need lecturing in how they approach women, and vice versa. I have been on a lot of different sites, including this one, and by and large, the majority of men tend to objectify women as sexual objects or trophies to be displayed on their arm when they go out, unfortunately the 90% of men who do this ruin it for the 10% of us trying to find that real romance. I have gone so far as to create fake female profiles just to test the waters of certain sites and sadly my research has proven those statistics as accurate, in that 85-90% of the emails I received either ignored what I wrote in my profile or were outright sexist and disrespectful to the extreme, comments such as: "you are hot, we should f*ck" being the norm. So a man who doesn't want advice or a lecture as you put it, on how to respect a woman he is interested in is doomed to ruin it for everyone else, himself included.

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    • 2_restless says:
      Posted: 05 Sep 16

      Lol Hell yeah that's too much like right. Here's my favorite one. Lookin for a generous man! Pahhhhhh! Screams (just leave the 35.00 on the nightstand.

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  19.   wc662 says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 15

    It's sad how black women are used as a commodity sometimes by men trying to live out some white power trip in or out the bedroom, and basing things out of stereotypes

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  20.   smallblood says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 14

    i just say. there is a secret to live life diffarent ways.you can just jug a person in life.the table will turn.and remember the love is not a money.the love of money its wont last that is why theres so many divorce.if you dont know ask me i can tell you.i have and expiriance.

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    • Packer44 says:
      Posted: 19 Feb

      Thats real bruh, and a lot of women in general are materialistic and superficial.

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  21.   gilliam67 says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 14

    I've dated a 'woman of color' before and she told me she's 'Black' and 'not into the PC crap'. When she said that, I knew she was just fine with me. I'm not into that either-I see a woman as a woman. Does'nt make any difference to me what race/ethnicity she is and what race/ethnicity her children are. They're here and so am I and if we get along and like each other after finding out more about each other, all is well. I don't get what the big issue is and why someone would waste time and emotional energy if they're not serious.

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  22.   T.d.h.502 says:
    Posted: 03 Jan 14

    Funny, I am not a leech and still no success, lol. but i will never stoop to being the creep lol.

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    • Packer44 says:
      Posted: 19 Feb

      T.d.h, be patient bruh being that it is a virtue. There's some body for every body. Lol no that when you do find that special lady, thats when they all are going to be interested in you bruh. Stay blessed & positive

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  23.   morpheousx says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 13

    This has done nothing but help these types of men, to hide their true intentions. I would rather a person, say those things to me, therefore show their true self, so i can stand clear of them. Now that they have been tipped off, they will take their fetishes on the down low and just pretend to look at women of color as individuals but in actuality, look at them as fetishes and a fantasy to for fill, nothing more. I say, let them ask for nude pictures, let them use those corny lines. It makes it a lot easier to see them coming, therefore time won't be wasted, courting these fakes and phonies.

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  24.   tyrii18 says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 13

    Lol so funny got chocolate before

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  25.   statician says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 13

    I wish this guy lewhiteboy can read this.Ladies stay warned by people who ask for nude pics.I experienced this for many months by that guy who has no photo and his profile reflects what he is not.He is a white man lives in States.@Dave74 can you please connect me to any one whom you know that can be genuine and sincear? and wish you the best in your marriage.

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    • offside1961 says:
      Posted: 17 Oct 15

      How do you know his real ethnicity if you haven't met him or seen his picture?

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  26.   jimtwobees says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 13

    Love it, Jordan. Thanks. Good topic. Ladies, the same is true in reverse...if you are dealing with a gentleman. "Want me some cream in my chocolate," doesn't go nearly as far as,"Will you be as chivalrous in person as you are in my dreams?" Or, "In search of the man who touches my soul and enlivenes my spirit." Use the right bait...Or you'll keep right on catching the same old fish.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 04 Jul 16

      Jimtwobees - I could not agree with you more.

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    • JoyAndLight says:
      Posted: 06 Jul 16

      What a wordsmith! And yes, it has a completely different energy to it. I've never understood how anyone thinks a more 'base' way of communicating will attract a quality person.

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  27.   khouri62 says:
    Posted: 25 Aug 13

    Thanks Jordan, your article was really educational to me & I'm sure it will help others.

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  28.   dave_74 says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 13

    This is a great topic! I am now happily married with another child on the way. So I thank god and AR that I am not looking any more. However in my years of searching for right wife , I met scores of women who all had at least one crazy story of similar events of guys saying something totally cheesy, asking for nude pics, showing private parts in the chat room (is that even allowed?) All before even asking for 1st name , interest, reading the profiles etc. Some people don't know how to date period, now add internet and Interracial into the equation? On another note, I'm sure men are mostly guilty of this, most likely even white men. However I came across similar statements /behavior from a couple of black women lacking intercultural, communication and/or dating skills. Let's see I've heard "I'm addicted to white men" "I need my vanilla swirl on" " I need me some cream in my coffee" Ladies and Gentlemen, the fact that you are even on an Interracial dating site IS a HUGE clue that you are interested in another race, no need for our super hero "Capt. Obviously" to fly in and make it THAT clear. On a final note, I truly wish the best for all of those sincerely seeking love.

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  29.   YourNiceGirl says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 13

    Oh. My. God. Jordan. THANK YOU!!! Someone had to say it. Perfect post. Let's hope it falls on receptive ears/eyes/hearts.

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